//------------------------------// // Chapter 20: Remorse // Story: The Adventures of Fragment // by A Dark Reminder //------------------------------// My mind was racing as I quickly walked through the hospital and tears streamed down my face. I was filled with anger towards Gezähnt, sympathy for Lightheart, and regret that I didn't do more. This wouldn't have happened if I had just attacked Gezähnt when I saw him in my room. I should've tried my hardest to kill him when I had the chance, but I didn't, and now Striker's... gone... He didn't deserve to die like that, alone seeing horrifying images as he slowly died... I deserve that more than Striker with what I've done, killing innocent children at the whim of some Lieutenant. That's just something I'm aware of. Who knows what else I've done... When I made it to the main lobby I saw Shining Armor and the others waiting there, with almost all eyes on Hofnarr, who was trying to hide from sight behind the others. As I walked through the lobby Blast Shield walked up to me. "Did... Striker―" "Yes." I cutoff as I walked by and towards the doors. Blast Shield began to say something but I didn't stop to hear him, and after a few steps I was out of the hospital. As I stepped outside, I saw that the Sun was setting and there were several ponies staring at me as I stepped into the open, but I ignored their gaze and slowly walked to the carriage. As I started to close the carriage door behind me, I saw Princess Cadance and Hofnarr coming out of Canterlot Hospital and were walking towards the carriage. I sat down in the same place as before and waited for them to reach the carriage. Hofnarr slowly stepped in but Princess Cadance stayed outside. "It's going to be a few minutes before we leave, so both of you can stay here." She said as she looked between me and Hofnarr. "Okay." Hofnarr said as Princess Cadence looked at me. I just nodded and turned to look out the window of the carriage. I heard Princess Cadance start to say something, but she stopped herself and closed the door of the carriage, leaving me and Hofnarr alone. What will Lightheart do? Will she arrange Striker's funeral? Did Striker even have a will? I thought about that and more as I stared out a window, but after a few minutes in silence, I heard Hofnarr clear his throat. "I am sorry for what happened. There's no excuse for what Gezähnt d―" "Don't talk about it to me. And why do you even care what happens to a guard pony? Aren't they just the enemy to you?" I said with an angry glare. "We're not all like Gezähnt, and I don't like killing anyone. I joined the military because I wanted to protect those I care about, not kill because of an order." "And how's that working for you?" I asked rhetorically and turned my head away from him and looked out the window again. As I peered out into the mass of ponies going about their daily lives, I saw Cyclone Shade standing next to the Canterlot Hospital sign as he glared at me. I moved my head away from the window a little as he stood there, like he was waiting for something, or maybe he was just trying to mess with me. "What is it?" Hofnarr said as he started to look where I was looking, but before I could stop him he looked out the window, gasped and pulled his head away. "H-how did he find us? What's he even doing here?" Hofnarr asked as he moved to the other side of the carriage with a terrified expression on his face. "I don't know, but I'm sure we'll be fine; he'd be foolish to try something in public." I said as a familiar pony walked up to Cyclone Shade. Seeing her brought pain to my head and a quick flashback of her face. It was the mare from my memories, the one that was trying to warn me about something. She was an Earth pony with a pink mane and tail with a goldish streak through both, and her eyes were blue. I couldn't see her cutie mark because of an upper-class silver-trimmed purple dress she was wearing. "Who are you...?" I said to myself as Hofnarr found the courage to look at where I was staring. "You know her?" Hofnarr asked as Cyclone started talking to the mare, breaking his eye contact with me. "Kind of; I've seen her in one of my flashbacks, and in it she was trying to warn me about something. Whatever it was must have been important, because in a different flashback I was trying to tell Chrysalis about what it was, but Shining Armor's spell stopped me from warning her." I said as I stared at the mare and the pain in my head slowly grew. For once I was actually hoping I'd get a flashback. "What do you think they're talking about?" Hofnarr asked as he looked out the window to Cyclone Shade again. "I have no idea..." I said as the mare began to walk away and Cyclone Shade continued to stare. I'd bet that whoever she is, she lives here in Canterlot. If I had a chance to talk to her I might be able to get some answers. Hopefully I'll have that chance at some point... I thought as she disappeared from view and the pain in my head began to fade. Cyclone Shade still stared at me as he stood by the hospital's sign, which made Hofnarr very uneasy. "Who do you think hired him anyway?" Hofnarr asked as I looked away from the window. "I don't have the faintest idea... To be honest, Chrysalis makes the most sense to me but I don't think he'd kill someone he was hired to rescue, but then again Sinistar did say he'd kill his own clients if it paid better." I looked back out the window and saw that Cyclone Shade was gone, which worried me a lot, but after a few more minutes, the carriage door opened and Shining Armor and the others were getting back in. "Cyclone Shade was watching us." With that phrase I had everypony's attention, especially Shining Armor's. "What? He couldn't have gotten outside of the castle with the forcefield still up!" Shining Armor said as he looked out the window trying to see Cyclone Shade. "Both of us saw him; he was just watching us from the Canterlot Hospital sign, then a mare I remember from one of my flashbacks started talking to him." "What mare?" Princess Cadance asked as Shining sat back down and the carriage started to move, taking us back to the castle. "I'm not really sure. She was trying to warn me about something during the attack on Canterlot, but your spell knocked the changelings out of the city before I could reach the Queen." I explained as Hofnarr turned to me. "Why didn't you just use the Hive Mind?" He asked. "I don't know, maybe there was too much interference or something." "What does this mare look like?" Princess Cadance asked as Hofnarr mumbled something to himself. "She has a white coat, mostly pink hair with a streak of gold though them, and when I saw her just now she was wearing some kind of dress." I said as Blast shield turned to me and Princess Cadence tapped her chin with a hoof. "Do you know what her cutie mark is? It's the best way to identify somepony." Blast Shield said. "I don't, when I saw her in my flashback everything was too blurry and like I said, she was wearing a dress when she was talking to Cyclone Shade." "I think I know who you're talking about." Princess Cadence said, getting our attention. "If I'm right, then that mare is Aura. She's Goldman Sacks' daughter. Their family is one of the most well connected and wealthiest in Equestria. I'd be surprised if they were involved in any of this." She said as we got closer to the castle. "How did their family get so rich?" I asked. "Goldman Sacks owns weapons and armor factories that produce most of the guards' equipment and owns the largest trading fleet in Equestria, making shipping Equestrian products to oversea countries easy." Princess Cadence explained. After that, the mood returned to its previous setting of silence. I was caught between trying to think about Aura and what connections she might have to the situation, and thinking about what it's going to be like without Striker around, but no matter which I tried to think about the other would comeback, stopping me from making progress. After a few more minutes we were back at the castle and getting back out of the carriage, starting with Shining Armor and ending with me. "So what happens to me?" Hofnarr asked. Princess Cadence and Shining Armor looked at each other. I guess neither one of them really had a plan with him. "I'll talk to Princess Celestia and see what we can do, but for now you'll be staying in your cell." I smelled regret and sympathy from Princess Cadence as she spoke. Hofnarr didn't reply as the five of us began walking towards the castle. Like before, Shining Armor used a spell on the forcefield that still surrounded the castle to make an opening for us to go through. "How long are you going to keep the forcefield up?" I asked as the guards at the castle doors bowed and let us in. "I don't know. If Cyclone Shade got out even though it was active then there's probably no reason to keep it up. I'll talk to Princess Celestia about it." Shining Armor replied as we walked down the hallway. "If anyone looks for me, I'll be in my room. I think I need some time alone..." With that, I changed my direction and headed for my room while Shining Armor and the others took Hofnarr back to his cell. I quietly walked through the hallways back to my room as I thought about the pain Lightheart must have be going through, and how it is undoubtedly worse than what I feel. As I walked in relative silence, I saw Dex down the hallway, and when she saw me she started heading my direction. "Hey, Fragment, what in Tartarus is going on around here? I hear that the changelings escape and the castle's on lock down, then I hear something about a guard getting bitten and a venom assassin or whatever it was Skyward said, and nopony's told me exactly what's going on around here so I'm annoyed and asking you if you know and can tell me what's going on. Soooo... what's going on around here?" Dex explained with a sigh as she finished. "Hey, are you okay? You look kinda depressed." "Striker was bitten by one of the escaped changelings, Gezähnt, and was poisoned by changeling venom." "Goodness, is he okay?" "No." I said as I began to walk past her. It was kind of rude, but I didn't want to talk about it. But she did, I learned as she came running to catch up to me. "What do you mean 'no?' He's at a hospital now, isn't he?" "He's dead, Dex." She gasped when I said that. "Gezähnt's venom killed him..." She had a look of sheer shock on her face as I resumed walking to my room, but I didn't get very far before Dex caught up to me. "How're you holding up?" Dex asked as she followed me. "How do you think? I just lost my best friend..." "I'm sorry, Fragment. Is there anything I can to help?" "I don't think so. I need to be alone for awhile." As I said that Dex gave me a light hug, which I returned. After a moment we ended the hug and I continued to my room. When I got back to my room and closed the door behind me, the full weight of how I felt hit me like a train. Tears started pouring down my face as I sobbed to myself. I slowly walked over to my bed and laid on it as I let my emotions flow freely. The emotional breakdown I didn't have at the hospital was now in full swing, and I didn't bother trying to stop it. After what felt like more than half an hour of sobbing, I felt someone sit down on the edge of the bed and a hoof rest on my shoulder. I didn't care enough to look at whoever it was or try to restrain my sobbing. A few minutes passed and whoever was with me remained silent as they got a little closer and hugged me, but it did little to comfort me. Though it helped nonetheless. After another ten or so minutes, I had slowed my sobbing to crying. "I'm sorry for what happened, Fragment." Princess Celestia said as I sniffled. "I wish there was something we could have done. Shining Armor talked to Lightheart and she decided to have Striker's funeral here to be put to rest with other guard ponies. It will be a week or two until then." I didn't react at all, but I could smell concern, regret and empathy coming from Princess Celestia. "Due to the fact that Cyclone Shade managed to escape the castle despite the forcefield I have decided to have the forcefield removed at noon tomorrow." "This isn't why you're really here is, Princess?" I asked without looking at her. "I want to see if you're okay. You must be in a lot of pain after something like this." Princess Celestia said as I wiped some tears from my eyes and sat up. "It's not just Striker, it's everything. In less than two days, I've learned that I was best friends with a sociopath, have a wife and two sons who I might not see again, and I killed four children because I was told to. And now Striker's dead, all because I didn't call for help or anything when Gezähnt was in my room." I explained as I began to cry again, which Princess Celestia responded to by slightly tightening her hug. "I-I just stood there while Gezähnt tried to convince me to help him. I-I should've called a guard or attacked Gezähnt or something! Not just stand there..." I said as I leaned my head on Princess Celestia's shoulder, letting some tears stain her white coat. "I-I feel so horrible and guilty about Striker's death and my past, and I don't know how I'm supposed to be able to deal with it all." "Just because you did bad things in the past doesn't mean you can't make up for it. The venom you donated for research will be used to create an antivenom that we will give to nations that have more severe Changeling problems, and I'm sure you can find a way to make up for your past beyond that. I have faith in you Fragment." "You make it sound easy." "It won't be easy by any means, but making up for your past is better than pretending it's not there. Dinner will be ready soon, should I have somepony bring it to you or will you be present?" "I don't feel like eating, I've had enough of today." Princess Celestia nodded in reply and slowly got up, ending our hug. As she reached the door and I laid back down on my bed, she turned back to me and said: "Don't forget that you have friends here, and we're here for you." With that, she walked out and closed the door, leaving me in silence. As much emotional pain as I was in, I was exhausted from all the stress and the lack of sleep from the night before, and as one last tear ran down my face, I fell asleep, hoping for a peaceful rest... My head was resting on my crossed forelegs as I looked over the city below. I was on top of one of the highest towers of the castle, giving me a view over the city and much of the surrounding forest and wastelands. The sky was a very dark grey as a storm was moving over the kingdom. With no roof on this tower, I would get soaked when the rain started falling. There were thousands of changelings in the city, completely unaware of me and the pain I felt. All the noise below was out of my hearing range, the only noise was the wind, my breathing, my heartbeat, and my annoyingly persistent friend's almost quiet hoofsteps. "What part of 'I need to be alone' don't you understand, Gezähnt?" I asked as Gezähnt let out a sigh. "Being alone doesn't help you, Dun. It doesn't make the pain go away, it doesn't let you forget what happened, and it doesn't bring your mother back." Gezähnt said bluntly as I growled and turned to face him with my horn glowing brightly. "And what does, Gezähnt?! What does make it stop?! What gives me a reason to go onto the battlefield and fight?! My family is dead and it's because of me! Do you have any idea what it's like to know that you're the reason someone you cared about died?!" I shouted as tears ran down my face. My head and eyes were sore and my vision was blurred from my combined anger and sorrow. "No, I don't know what it's like, and you and I know that nothing will bring her back or weaken the pain, but I do know that this isn't the end of your life, Dun, no matter how much you hurt, no matter how much life throws at you and no matter how dark things get, there is always a reason to fight and to live. You shouldn't let this stop you from living." Gezähnt said as he took a step closer to me, which I responded to by conjuring and shooting a dark green crystal shard near Gezähnt's hoof, which pierced and got stuck in the stone floor of the tower as there was a loud crack of thunder and the rain started to fall. "One night, Gezähnt... The one night I decided not to do as my mother asked, the one night I decided it would be okay to have some fun with my friends, my Mother needed me, a-and because I-I wasn't there she died! How am I supposed to be able to live with myself?! My father died in battle, my grandparents died of sickness, and my only brother hates me! And now this?! What's stopping me from just jumping off this tower? What's holding me back?!" I asked as backed closer to the edge as Gezähnt walked a little closer, causing me to shoot another crystal at him. "And what exactly makes death a better idea, Dunkel? Just because you'd be dead as well doesn't mean you'd feel better. I don't know what awaits us in death, but I do know that even if you rejoin them, you'll still feel guilty, and they'll still be dead. But here, with the living, we need you, Dunkel. We need you not just for the sake of the Queen, but all Changelings. As long as you're out there fighting you're showing everyone and everything that we won't go down without a fight. Please, Dunkel, you still have things to live and fight for." Gezähnt pleaded as he took another step closer to me. "I'm sorry, Gezähnt... I'm done." I said as I turned around and took one last look over the kingdom I used to live for, and I prepared to jump. "What about Saphir?" I stopped. "Are you going to abandon her? She cares about you more than anyone else, and she's in pain as well." "What're you talking about?" I said as I looked over my shoulder and a tear slid down my cheek. "Her sister was murdered in a renegade Changeling raid yesterday, you didn't know because you were at your mother's bedside when the news of the attack came in. She's in pain too, Dunkel, and both of you need comfort. If you want to kill yourself because of the ones you've lost you damn well better not forget the ones you haven't." Gezähnt said as I paused, looking between Gezähnt and the ground far below me. I thought about Saphir and Gezähnt and my other friends and all the times we've had together, whenever one of us was sad the rest of us were there for them, and Gezähnt was trying to be here for me, and I was pushing him away. Saphir did seem to care about me a lot. When we first heard what happened to my Mother she was the first one to join me at the hospital, and she was there with me for almost the entire time. "Please don't do this." Me and Gezähnt quickly turned to the tower's door and saw Saphir standing there, and despite the rain I could tell she was crying. "Dunkel, please listen to me, I know things are hard right now, but suicide doesn't solve anything... Dunkel... I love you." "What?" Me and Gezähnt said with an equal amount of surprise as Saphir walked closer to me and my horn dimmed. "I love you Dunkel, I love you with all my heart and I have since that day in the field hospital, and I don't want to lose you too. I don't know if I can take it." She said with sniffle as she was now at the ledge with me. "Please..." She said almost as a whisper. I looked over the edge again, but this time the ground below didn't look as welcoming as it did before, so I turned back to Saphir and hugged her as she did the same. "I-I'm s-sorry." I said as I stepped down from the ledge so I was on the same level as Saphir and Gezähnt. We just stood there in each other's embrace for a moment before Gezähnt cleared his throat. "Come on, none of us should be out in the rain for too long." Gezähnt said as he conjured an umbrella and held it over me and Saphir with his magic as the three of us walked back towards the tower door, me and Saphir staying as close to each other as we could the whole time.