//------------------------------// // Chapter 8 // Story: Ponystuck // by confoundtheseponies //------------------------------// I apologise for leaving the story hanging at such a critical moment, but there is something I have to take care of which I can no longer ignore. I believe I have located our missing party pony, and I think it would be best if I retrieved her before she meddles with our story any further. Who knows what kind of damage she could do? I will be right back. While you wait here, feel free to take a look through these notes here. They're on a completely different session of Sburb, entirely separate from the one led by Twilight Sparkle. I will go and track down Pinkie Pie as quickly as possible, and in the meantime I suppose you can entertain yourself with this other session. Think of this as an intermission, of sorts. Please rest assured that any relationship between our story and this session is highly unlikely, but at least you can enjoy it for what it is - a fascinating case study of a fairly standard game of Sburb. ***BEGIN INTERMISSION*** In Canterlot castle, a princess lay in her throne room with a weary expression born from a reign spanning centuries. Or maybe it was just because it was a Tuesday. Celestia was not a fan of Tuesdays, and hadn't been for as long as she cared to remember. This was a very long time. In the quiet, her ears twitched as the sound of hoofsteps echoed across the hallway. Turning, but not rising, she was greeted by her sister. Luna's face seemed content, but when she spoke her voice betrayed her anxiety. "It's time, isn't it?" She nodded to the open doors of the castle, through which the sun was beginning to scrape the edge of the far off hills. "It's tonight?" It wasn't really a question - they both knew very well that tonight was the night. The night that the meteors would begin and Equestria would soon be devastated beyond recognition. The night that everything would be made better. Luna was just trying to make conversation, so Celestia nodded after pretending to think for a moment. "Yes, it is. Tonight our saviours will begin their quest. And then I fear that our existence will become something of a moot point." She paused, considering what she wanted to say. "Luna, did you ever consider visiting them? Before it was too late, I mean. Just to... I don't know. Get some closure?" Her sister shrugged. "Not really. We can't say it didn't occur to us that we could, but... you know how he always was about that kind of thing." Even after so many years had dulled the pain, the memory to which Luna was referring caused both sisters to share a moment of contemplation. "And even if we had, what would it have achieved? They don't have a clue what's going on." "You're right. It's for the best that we don't get involved any further." She sighed, and slowly got to her feet. "Well, it's time for my walk, in case you wanted to join me." Luna smiled and nodded. "Sure." Together, the sisters exited the palace, and began their lap of the grounds. Canterlot had greatly expanded in recent years, covering most of the mountain, but the palace and its surrounding area had been untouched. It was getting harder to keep progress back, however, and the other political leaders were beginning to question the value of sentimentality over economising space. Of course, it wasn't as if they could do anything against Celestia and Luna's will, but a happy government was a strong government. Not that it would really mean anything after the entire planet was ground into dust anyway. Above the sisters, several large meteors were nearing the end of their journey. One, particularly close by, was near enough directly above them. Behind this, barely visible at such a great distance, many more could be seen approaching. It was going to be a long night. *** [desertedDestiny began pestering fractalAbomination] DD: Hey. FA: oh hi, what's up? DD: I was just making sure that this game is still happening tonight? FA: yeah, it's still on if you're up for it DD: I suppose. It'll be a nice distraction. FA: from what? FA: oh, right. nm then FA: ok, moving on, do you have it installed yet? FA: because i'm ready when you are DD: No, I suppose I should start that up now... FA: you haven't even started it yet? DD: Not yet. FA: fuck! :c FA: that thing takes forever. not even joking DD: That's hardly my fault, is it? DD: You should have told me that it would take so long. FA: and deprive you of the chance to bitch at me like this? FA: even i'm not that cruel DD: :/ FA: whatever, just start it up and leave it for a little bit FA: and then give me a shout once it's set up DD: OK. Also... FA: yeah? DD: You may have some trouble persuading Summer to play. FA: yeah, i know. i'll have to deal with her sooner or later FA: but to be honest it's not an encounter i'm looking forward to FA: i'll probably put it off as long as i can manage DD: Heh. DD: Cya then. FA: yeah, ok bye [desertedDestiny ceased pestering fractalAbomination] A young unicorn stands in his bedroom, at the top of his house in Canterlot. It just so happens that today is his birthday, and to celebrate his parents have decided to organise a holiday to Fillydelphia. For two. Somepony had to stay behind to look after the lizards, after all. Around his room is evidence of his various interests. Among these interests is his love of mathematics, even though he isn't as good as he thinks he should be. He also enjoys messing around with computers, and likes to think of himself as being a fairly competent computer programmer. He often spends his time writing page after page of code. None of his projects are finished, and very few would do anything meaningful if they were, but he doesn't care. It makes him look smart, which is of course the main goal. Speaking of computers, he is also a fan of computer games, and is planning on playing one later tonight with several of his friends. All of his friends are ponies he has met online, and he has never actually met any of them in real life. They generally think of him as being a bit tiresome, as he has a tendency to rant about every little thing. Online, he goes by the name of fractalAbomination. But what is his real name? It's Comet. That should save us the trouble of suggesting some ridiculous or insulting name for this unfortunate colt, so let's accept that and move on. We have a lot of ground yet to cover, and the less time this narrative spends emulating the format of some other, much more popular story, the sooner we'll get to the good bit when the Prince enters. So let's just sit back and watch as Comet amuses himself by talking to one of his friends. [fractalAbomination began pestering psychoticDeceiver] FA: yo yo yo, what's up? FA: C: PD: We both know you only talk like that to annoy me, and that youre perfectly capable of intelligent conversation. FA: we also both know that you only want to have intelligent conversation to make yourself feel better about how stupid you are FA: whereas i am perfectly happy with my intellect, such as it is FA: ie smarter than you, btw PD: What do you want? FA: des is being uncooperatively slow, so i may as well take the opportunity to check up on everypony else who's playing FA: so are you ready to play yet or what PD: Oh, right, that game. PD: Its installing as we speak. FA: ok, good. once me and des link up, you'll connect to her, k? PD: So youve explained. But I still dont get what the whole player order thing really means. FA: me neither, i just know that we need one FA: this is information i have gathered through my various... FA: shenanigans PD: Ah, yes, your shenanigans. FA: hell yeah FA: i have just so many shenanigans going on right now, you have no idea PD: Do you have all of the shenanigans? FA: no. i have all but one of the shenanigans. FA: that one remaining shenanigan is this game, because this game is nothing if not one huge shenanigan FA: according to my shenanigans, anyway PD: The word shenanigans has lost all meaning. FA: yeah, it really has FA: but idc, i like the way it sounds PD: Meh. FA: anyway, ttyl FA: i gtg feed the lizards PD: Fine. [fractalAbomination ceased pestering psychoticDeceiver] Closing the chat client down and stepping away from his computer, Comet turned and exited his room and descended the stairs to the area below. The large room was more or less entirely infested with examples of the worryingly vast collection of small lizards that his parents insisted on keeping. Part of him suspected they didn't even like lizards, and simply filled their house with them in an attempt to persuade him to move out. The things were everywhere, to the extent that Comet had taken the precaution of applying wards to his room in order to keep away the invaders. Everywhere else in the house, however, the lizards were free to roam. It had occurred to him more than once that the lizards really shouldn't be able to survive up in the mountains, but annoyingly they persisted. All he really knew was that they were stupid and he hated them. Yet for some reason, here he was feeding the damn things. Finishing his task, he quickly retreated back up the stairs to get away from the feasting reptiles. Passing his room, he decided to continue upwards, to where the stairs opened out onto the roof of his house. From here, he could see across much of Equestria. A small cluster of lights in the distance signified New Ponyville, and far to the east the edge of Manehattan was creeping past the edge of the mountain and into his view. Beyond that, geography was not Comet's strong point. He vaguely remembered something about a forest being where New Ponyville was situated, but beyond that he didn't have a clue where anything was. Regardless, the view of the land was not what he had come to see. Turning his eyes skyward, he once again took in the alarming sight of the huge meteor that was at that moment just a small red dot in the night sky - although easily larger than it had been the night before. He had been aware of this meteor - and others further away - for some time, and had been able to pinpoint when and where it would strike. Specifically, his house, right around when he had been planning to play the game with his friends. There weren't many things Comet believed in, but one thing he did believe in was not believing in coincidences. And then Destiny stopped being Comet just in time for Comet to start being Destiny. *** DD: Heh. DD: Cya then. FA: yeah, ok bye [desertedDestiny ceased pestering fractalAbomination] A young filly stands in her room. She lives in Cloudsdale. If, after that, you needed to be told that she was a pegasus, then she really does not have time to put up with you. She's far too busy being kind of a big deal. But what could that deal be? Let's find out. Her name is Destiny. She has many interests, all of which are Neighpon. Ever since learning about this far off land, she has basically fallen in love with every single thing about it. It is just... SO COOL. She is particularly fond of animations originating from the country, and woe betide any who would even think of suggesting that these animations are anything short of deadly fucking serious. And if someone were inclined to make such a comment, the manner in which we would betide them would probably take the form of a katana. Katanas are also deadly fucking serious, not to mention incredibly sharp. It's also kind of tricky to hold them with hooves, but she thinks that she's got it figured out. Finally. When she isn't admiring Neighpon, Destiny enjoys being moody. This is because being moody is cool. Obviously. Moodiness and being cool are just intrinsically related concepts, kind of like maids and period dramas. None of her friends agree, though, which fills her with rage. They all seem to think she's being silly. Nopony really understands her soul... she is all alone in this world, surrounded by false friends who make no attempt to comfort her... Gog damn she is so moody. And awesome. And oh look she's being pestered again. While her friends are cool, sort of, she does find it rather tiresome to talk to them sometimes. Especially this one. If she's being honest, Destiny really thinks that this girl just goes out of her way to be cheery. Just to rub this pegasus up the wrong way. [homelessChicken began pestering desertedDestiny] HC: Hey Destiny! HC: How are you? DD: Oh. Hey. DD: I suppose I'm OK. DD: Not great, but OK. HC: Aw, that's not good enough! HC: We've got to get you into the spirit of things if we're all going to be playing this game together. HC: Let's hear some of that TEAM SPIRIT! <:D DD: ... DD: "Woot". HC: It doesn't count if it's a quote! DD: Will it make you happy if I do a little dance in my room? HC: YES. DD: Brb. DD: OK, there. I did it. HC: Oh REALLY? HC: *narrows eyes suspiciously* DD: Believe what you want. HC: Hmph. I know that really you're excited about playing this game. HC: Which is why you're first in line to play! DD: I'm second. That's the point. HC: Yeah well you still get to play before me. DD: Do you want to switch places? HC: Oh, no! Not at all! DD: Well then. DD: Did you want anything else, or was this conversation purely intended to remind me of your continued existence? HC: Er... I guess? I didn't really want anything in particular. DD: In that case, if you don't mind, I have some things to take care of. HC: Urgh, you ALWAYS have stuff to take care of! HC: Sometimes I think you're just trying to get rid of me. <:O HC: Anyway, we'll talk later, OK? DD: Yeah, sure. HC: Bye! [homelessChicken ceased pestering desertedDestiny] After setting up the installation file on her computer, Destiny walked out of her room and out onto the open balcony outside of her house. There weren't many ponies around at that time of night, so to the untrained eye her view of the city was just a particularly thick group of clouds. Despite the darkness, however, it was possible to make out the sides of pillars and closed doors, and the occasional house still shone faintly with the light from within. Cloudsdale was pretty cool, Destiny supposed. Nothing to write home about though, partly because it was already her home in the first place. Cloudsdale was among the oldest cities in Equestria, founded in the days back when New Ponyville was just plain old Ponyville, or maybe even before then. Destiny wasn't sure how long ago that was, but it was probably somewhere between very long ago and really long ago. History was never her strong point. Regardless, it was an old city, and she had lived here all her life. More or less. Soon, though, she would be leaving it behind forever. *** "Here it comes." Luna gestured above them, to the meteor which was now nearing the end of its journey. "Is there really nothing you can do?" Celestia shook her head sadly. "No. I can't stop it. All we can do is limit the damage it deals to the rest of Canterlot." Even that would take a lot out of them, Celestia knew. But it was all they could do. "And then we'll leave for Cloudsdale, to do the same, and then on to Hoofington, and so on... for as long as we're able." "But we both know we can't stop the eventual destruction of our planet. This is the end." "No." It wasn't like that, Celestia had decided. Not really. "It's a miracle, in a way." *** [fractalAbomination began pestering desertedDestiny] FA: while i appreciate the positive direction your fucking around has taken FA: and that we are actually getting stuff done FA: i would like it if we could calm down for a moment and figure out what's going on DD: Why, what don't you understand? FA: i understand jack shit about anything DD: That's a nice change. FA: for starters FA: what the fuck is this? In a manner vaguely resembling fear, Comet once again studied the floating light that had emerged from his cruxtruder. It was about the size of his head, it was teal, and it appeared to be flipping the fuck out about something. FA: some kind of emergency warning epilepsy sphere or something FA: it's what the game sends to let you know that shit has just gotten real FA: just in case the meteor didn't clear that up, it just sends you a little warning just to settle any doubts you may have had FA: you may have been under the impression that the shit was all a figment of your imagination FA: well this game has got news for you FA: stop fucking around with the square root of negative royally fucked, because this shit is 100% real DD: This is why I don't talk to you. DD: You just whine about everything! FA: you do talk to me. DD: I wish I didn't. FA: whatever, just focus on getting the other machines put down, i guess FA: i'll deal with the epilepsy sphere DD: Fine... The epilepsy sphere seemed like it was trying to tell him something. Unfortunately its language consisted of a range of noises that can only be represented phonetically by rapidly animated clip art, so just imagine that in noise form. That's what it sounded like. The upshot of all this was that Comet didn't have a clue what the thing was saying. Later he threw a lizard at it in a fit of stupidity and desperation. *** "We wonder if he's aware of what's going on around him?" Luna asked her sister. The two princesses had walked to the statue garden, and were standing before an old friend they had not seen in decades. Unlike the other statues, Discord was formed of living stone, magically protected from the elements. While other structures had come and gone, he had been magically shielded. And so the draconequus looked the same way he always had - a look of sheer terror on his face, contrasting with his horrific mismatched body. The sight was both repulsive and pitiable at the same time. This, Celestia remembered, was why they never normally came here. Too many terrible memories. "I think so. Whether or not he has enough of a mind left to understand what's going on, that's a different matter entirely." She sighed sadly, lamenting the memories of a time long since passed. "It wasn't our fault, was it, Luna?" "No. We couldn't have known what was happening, and we couldn't have stopped it once we realised." "That's what I want to believe." Her eyes wandered skyward. "Do you suppose he'll survive the meteors?" Luna thought for a moment. "Perhaps. Or maybe this will be the just death that neither of us have the strength to give him." She thought for a moment. "In a way, I hope that's the case, for his sake. It'll be an escape for him." Oh no, she was going to start getting all depressed about how long her life has lasted, Luna realised. That wouldn't do at all. "Stop right there. You're going to do that thing where you ask us if we regret living for so long. That's not what we need to be thinking about." Resting a hoof on Celestia's shoulder, Luna smiled warmly. "We need to look forward. This is the night that everything gets better, and after that..." She drifted off, waiting for Celestia to finish the sentence. "We can start again." *** [psychoticDeceiver began pestering homelessChicken] PD: Hello. HC: Oh, it's you. Why are YOU talking to me? PD: Youre going to be my server player in this game, right? HC: Uh... maybe? I don't know! <:D PD: You are. HC: Oh. Yay, I guess? PD: I only bring it up because Comet has started playing. PD: Its hard to make out whats going on from his inane yelling, but I gather that his life is in danger. HC: <:O HC: Does he need help? PD: He has help, in the form of Destiny. This is the point Im making. PD: A player entrusts their server player with complete control over their life. PD: Which is to say that whether I live or die is up to you. HC: Wow. That's... I don't know. PD: Me neither, which is why I thought Id better make sure youre up for the job of not getting me killed. HC: I'm sure it will be fine! It's not like I've never played a game before. PD: Have you ever played a game where failure results in death before? HC: Nope! <:D PD: What is that, by the way? HC: It's a happy face! PD: Why do you give your emoticons horns? HC: Uh... because I have a horn? Honestly, that's pretty obvious! PD: It seems a bit silly to me. HC: Your FACE is a bit silly! PD: I suddenly feel completely relaxed about entrusting my safety to you. HC: Why? What did I do?!? PD: Nothing. Just... PD: Id appreciate it if you didnt get me killed. OK? HC: I wasn't going to! PD: Hmph. PD: Well, well see. HC: Bye. PD: Indeed. [psychoticDeceiver ceased pestering homelessChicken] *** On reflection, Comet mused, choosing such a temperamental server player was probably a bad idea. Not that he had realised the level of control over his environment she would be given, or the stakes for which they were playing. It was getting dreadfully hot, despite how late it was, and he really did not need to be trapped in his bedroom when his life was very close to a very early and very nasty end. [fractalAbomination began pestering desertedDestiny] FA: listen, i'd just like you to know FA: even though i constantly make fun of you and your "issues" FA: i never meant any of it, and i think you are the smartest and most perfect pony in existence FA: now can you please FA: PLEASE FA: remove the bathtub from my doorway? DD: Urgh, fine, just stop your whining. FA: <3 DD: Fuck off. Rushing out of his newly cleared doorway, Comet dashed up to the roof and checked on his cruxtruder, laptop drifting through the air behind him. 00:30. He could make this, easy. He retrieved the captchalogue card containing the teal totem he had made using the pre-punched card. Oh, fuck. He had forgotten to take into account the gog awful fetch modus he found himself stuck with. Before him, rather than a picture of the totem, there was a simple string of text. Considering the equation x4+6x3-7x2-36x+36=0, what is the sum of the equation's roots? Comet's polynomial modus produced a maths question involving a polynomial equation, the nature of which was related in some intangible way to the item in question. There was nothing wrong with a good challenge now and then, of course, but he had 25 seconds. He liked algebra, his special talent was algebra, but he wasn't a machine. This was not good. His panic was briefly interrupted by a beeping noise from his laptop, which he had been sure to simply hover next to him rather than captchalogue. Somepony was pestering him. At at time like this?!? [amniomorphicWizard began pestering fractalAbomination] AW: Hello, my good man. AW: I've got a message from your future self, you said to pass it on. Wait, who was this? Comet didn't recognise the name from his list of friends. And what about future selves? Really? He was a few seconds from death, and here he was getting trolled by some random moron. Praise Celestia for the wonders of technology. AW: You said that the answer is -6, and also that it's "really just so painfully obvious to anypony with a brain, you complete..." AW: Well, you can probably imagine what you would say. Anyway, I'll speak to you some more once you get in! [amniomorphicWizard ceased pestering fractalAbomination] Any thoughts on how odd it was that this strange pony knew exactly what was going on were immediately superseded by the sudden realisation that the answer was, indeed, -6. Wow, that was stupid of him. Not wanting to waste any more of the few remaining seconds, he scratched the number onto the back of the card and retrieved the totem, placing it onto the alchemiter. On the pedestal, a large teal bookcase made entirely of cruxite appeared. A particularly thick tome was ejected, the bookcase disappearing behind it, which Comet caught and quickly brought towards him. OK, so he had the artifact. Was this some kind of puzzle? Easy. ... 00:10 ... gog damn it. [amniomorphicWizard began pestering fractalAbomination] AW: Heh, it's me again! You said you still needed a final shove in the right direction, so to speak. AW: Well, I'm paraphrasing, but that was the gist of it. AW: Actually, I'm just going to copy and paste what you're saying, it'll be easier. AW: FA: HOW FUCKING STUPID CAN YOU EVEN BE YOU DUMBASS AW: FA: DON'T JUST STAND THERE LOOKING AT THAT BOOK LIKE IT'S A DEAD KIPPER AW: FA: SKIM AW: FA: THE AW: FA: FUCKING AW: FA: PAGES. AW: And that's all you had to say on the matter. AW: Hope it helps, old boy! [amniomorphicWizard ceased pestering fractalAbomination] *** Across all sessions of Sburb, or whatever name it chooses to take, there are several key patterns that can be observed. There is often a certain degree of symmetry in the prototypings that the players will use - in a session where one player prototypes a pet, it is usual that most of the other players will also prototype with their respective pets. Another similarity is the tendency for the kingdom of Derse to be largely responsible for its own destruction, through the medium of wildcard archagents and less than competent Crown Defenders. These inherent weaknesses in the strength of Derse are flaws which are intended to even the playing field somewhat - they can occasionally prove enough of a handicap to counteract Prospit's sheer lack of military prowess. Derse will still inevitably win, however, if only because the political power struggles are far removed from the units deployed on Skaia. The armies are loyal to the King. One last similarity of note is that Sburb is a very difficult game. Its objective is simple, yet easily obfuscated, and the vast majority of all games will end in failure. A perfect session is unheard of, and a successfully completed game is a treasure to experience (and to behold). The thing about treasures is that they must be guarded. There's always a Thief looking for the opportunity to strike. *** Together, the two princesses had been strong enough to shield the majority of Canterlot from the explosion as the meteor was driven into the side of the mountain. The buildings in the immediate vicinity of the blast were a lost cause, but the remaining portion of the city was untouched. Once the shock had dissipated, the sisters stood in silence, breathing heavily while around them the sound of sirens and screaming civilians could be heard. Celestia was the first to speak. "Are you hurt, Luna?" The question came in short, ragged bursts as she struggled to breathe. Luna's reply followed in much the same way. "No, we think we're fine. For now. But you know that they'll only get larger over time." "Yes, you're right. We should probably be preparing to leave for Cloudsdale soon." And so they would continue to follow the meteor showers, minimising the damage for as long as they could. That was what they had both planned, at least, and what they intended to do for as long as they could. And then, when the planet had been all but obliterated, and they were among the only ponies left alive in a deserted wasteland, together they would witness a miracle. The miracle of a new beginning.