Chapter 18: Interview with a Human
In the hour following the unexpected visit from the Cutie Mark Crusaders, Harold finally got his chance to help Twilight reorganize the shelves. Twilight thoroughly instructed Harold to stock each shelf with a specific genre and arrange them in alphabetic order. Harold covered the fantasy, general fiction and reference guides on one area of the library while Twilight covered science fiction, history and modern life books.
During this time, Harold took his time meticulously putting away the books, silently singing classic rock songs, good pop tunes and humming orchestral pieces like “Hotel California,” “Fireflies” and the “Final Fantasy I-III Medley.” Twilight evidently enjoyed listening to the music as she almost accidentally put two books in the wrong genre.
What better way to pass two-and-a-half long hours of restocking the library books than to listen to a little Earthly human music?
Harold and Twilight laid flat on the library floor, gazing at the ceiling and the colorfully restocked bookshelves circling at the edge of their line of sight. Neither one of them moved a sore muscle and gave each other time to catch their breaths.
“Hoo-wee, Harold...I’ve never seen somepony so organized...as much as you are,” Twilight said panting. “Of course, that’s...coming from somepony who...knows how to organize homes...and Equestrian events.”
“As Moses would say...‘I am who I am,’” Harold said proudly in between breaths. “Being organized is one of the many...blessings I was born with alongside my drawing, writing and...handwriting skills.”
“No kidding,” Twilight concurred nonchalantly, recalling the human’s sketches in his sketchbook.
“So...now what?”
Harold’s growling stomach gave him the answer he wanted. The peaches he had earlier weren’t enough to help tide him over for lunch. Twilight looked the human, who wore a sheepish grin and a shade of red on his smiling cheeks.
“I guess you’re right,” Harold said playfully to his stomach. “I don’t think fruit and cheese sandwiches are gonna help settle you down, either.”
Twilight giggled. “I think lunch would be a good idea, too. I haven’t eaten anything today since I got the letter about you this morning.”
“Me neither,” Harold said. He brought himself to his feet. “I could go for a salad or something. I’m getting sick of having the same three-course meal for the past 5 days.”
“I think there’s a little bit of salad left in the refrigerator,” Twilight said, stretching her hind hooves. “Come on, I’ll show you where the kitchen is.”
“Right behind you, Twilight.”
Twilight led Harold into the kitchen, where a good portion of salad was kept in a wooden bowl in the fridge. The human grabbed a small bottle of Berry Punch’s Homemade Vinaigrette and poured a dab of it onto the leafy greens, the red tomatoes and the flat cucumbers. Twilight made herself a daisy and grass sandwich and filled two glasses of water. As soon as they sat back down in the library, the two began to feast on their midday meal.
While Twilight chomped on her sandwich, she began to have thoughts about Harold.
Never before had she seen a foreign, otherworldly creature come to her land before...or, at least that’s what she thought. She half-expected this human to be conspiring a plot to demolish Equestria from under her newly-royal hooves, but through careful observation, the human displayed kind, gentlecoltly and playful personalities. She had doubts that the human was the right creature to help bring Tirek back from Tartarus and rain darkness all over the land.
But something crossed her mind. One was why the ponies of Ponyville won’t open up to him. Surely, Harold wouldn’t want to leave without the town of Ponyville take a breath of relief, knowing the human would be gone from their lives, but would they at least give him a chance?
The other was a strange feeling to Harold. It wasn’t the feeling of love, or Cadence would’ve noticed it right away. It was like the feeling of a magnet when opposite sides attract each other, but at certain times, the same sides repelled them back a little.
Why she had that feeling, she wondered why.
“Twilight? Twilight?”
Twilight was brought out of her dreamland as she saw Harold look back at her with salad stuffed in his mouth. The sandwich stood still in the alicorn’s mouth with her magic as the yet again awkward moment washed over them.
“You okay Twilight? You looked like there was nobody home.”
Twilight smile sheepishly with a *squee.* The squeak had no cutesy effect on Harold.
“I’m fine, Harold. I was just thinking about stuff.”
Harold picked up a forkful of salad.
“Like what?”
“Like...oh, how should I put this?” Twilight took her time before getting her feeling off of her chest. “Do you feel like maybe we’ve seen each other somewhere before? You know, like somewhen in the past?”
Harold stopped his fork before he entered it in his mouth.
“Doubtful,” he said without hesitation. “Although, I keep having weird feelings of deja vu ever since I’ve arrived here. Which is weird, because why would I know this place when we live apart from each other by millions of lightyears?”
“I guess you’re right,” Twilight concluded, finishing the last of her sandwich.
Then she perked up.
“Oh, that’s right! Thanks for reminding me, I’ve been meaning to ask you about your world!”
“Dammit!” Harold screamed inside. Twilight’s once peaceful mood turned to a feeling of curiosity and excitement.
“Wait right here, I’m gonna go find a parchment scroll and a pen!” Twilight galavanted off to the upstairs to go find her mentioned supplies and commence with the plans for the interview.
Harold earned himself a forehead slap and dragged his palm down his face for being so stupid as to remind Twilight of the planned interview. Now he had to tell Twilight of the economically desolate home he calls New York City. He had to come up with a plan first. Harold couldn’t lie through her teeth, since lying to royalty gets you a one-way ticket to the iron bars.
...
...
...
“Nope. I guess I’ll have to go along with it.”
Harold heard the quick hoofsteps of Twilight tritting-trotting down the stairs magically bringing along the scrolls and a quill pen in a gold inkwell. Twilight sat down and gave a frantic smile that brought a slight feeling of mental discomfort to the boy. A few quick dips of the quill pen signaled Harold to try and put his game face on.
“So?”
Twilight’s single word left Harold confused.
“What?”
“Tell me what your world is like!”
Harold jumped a little out of his seat.
“W-What do yo-you want to knew...know?”
Twilight was getting jumpy in anticipation. She was like a dam full of 1,000,000 questions that suddenly burst, spilling the mess of questions all over the library that would be beyond cleaning up.
“Everything! I want to know what your world is like! Your religious beliefs, your governments, your holidays, the food you eat, the places you travel, the history, the sights, the famous landmarks! Oh dear Celestia, I’m so excited, I think I might explode!”
Twilight jumped at the last word “explode” and hovered above the ground with her wings flapping excitingly as the pony the wings belonged too. She hadn’t felt this way since she first went to the Grand Galloping Gala, which turned out to be a disaster at first.
Harold sat on his seat, a blank expression imprinted on his face.
Was this how royalty reacted when they were interviewing an alien?
Twilight noticed the face and fluttered gently back down to her seat. She had about an awkward and embarrassed visage as she stroke the ground with her hoof. To Harold, the mysterious travel to another world had been nothing but ponies and awkward moments.
Twilight cleared her throat to recoil herself from her jittery feeling.
“As I was saying, what is your world like? I’d like to hear the different stuff about your Earth. Maybe I could send the information to Princess Celestia to show her what I’ll be learning from you.”
Harold sighed.
“Would you like to hear the good parts or the bad parts?”
“The good parts, obviously,” Twilight said. “I don’t want you to get caught up in your depressed world you told me and my friends about.”
Harold sighed again.
At first, he thought he was gonna tell how sad New York City and every other major city in America was, littered with homeless people, desperate muggers and the misanthropic rich people towering over the middle class. Now Twilight wanted to know the silver lining in the clouds.
“Let’s see...There are seven continents on Earth: North America, South America, Asia, Europe, Africa, Australia and Antarctica. Seventy percent of the world is covered by water, leaving us with the thirty percent of land. Everybody in the world has a different culture and different history. Would you like to hear about the prehistoric Earth?”
“I’d love to!”
Harold took a moment and began to look back on the history of his Earth.
“Back a few million years ago, extinct lizards called dinosaurs ruled the world. The seven continents were once one big continent called Pangaea and over time, seismic shifts drifted the continent apart, so different continents and islands were brought about. Millions or hundreds of thousands of years later, dinosaurs went extinct, but our early ancestors evolved into humans and now, here I am, intelligent and adaptable.”
“Ooohhhh,” Twilight said. She scribbled like mad as she recorded the history of the seven continents coming together. “Go on.”
“Let’s see, after the dinosaurs went extinct, humans came up as apes and started living in tribes. We grew intelligent, we adapted to our environment and we invented stuff, like weapons, fire and tools.”
“Interesting.”
“Very. As the million years went by, we grew less hair, more brainpower and started speaking in different languages. My English language, along with my bloodline, came from a group of pillaging warriors called the Vikings.”
Twilight finished scribbling the notes down before asking: “What were the Vikings like?”
“Vikings were extremely tough. They had hairy faces and they were rough, but they had good knowledge of hunting, blacksmithing and storytelling. In fact, the first story humans ever wrote down was the story of Beowulf.”
“Oooohhhh....Beowulf. I’d like to hear that story.”
“Maybe for another time,” Harold said, knowing that there was some pretty graphic details in the story. “But for now, I could fill you in on how the United States of America was founded in the 18th century.”
“I’d love to hear it,” Twilight replied.
The interview went on for a couple hours. Harold told the history of America, how it was once 13 different Colonies founded by the British and the settlers and the Boston Tea Party that signaled the Revolutionary War. After England’s defeat to General George Washington, the Colonies brought the Declaration of Independence and the new democratic government to light and the nation prospered.
Harold told Twilight of the wars the United States were brought into, like the two World Wars, Korea and Vietnam. As graphic as it sounded to Twilight, she filled in three parchment scrolls, double sided and went on to a fourth parchment, where Harold shared the customs and the holidays his people celebrate. The next half hour was made comparing and contrasting human and Equestrian holidays, from Christmas and Hearth’s Warming to Halloween and Nightmare Night to St. Valentine’s Day and Hearts and Hooves Day.
“Wow,” Twilight said intrigued and captured. “I never thought our worlds would be so similar.”
“I know. What a big coincidence,” Harold agreed.
“Now, about technology. What is your technology like?”
“Well, that’s all depending on what’s the most advanced piece of technology you ponies have in Equestria.”
“Advanced technology....advanced technology.” Something in Twilight flickered as she thought of the most complicated machinery in Equestria. “Oh, yes! We have a train engine at the end of Ponyville, called the Friendship Express. We have speakers to amplify music and film ing machines for the flicker theaters here in Ponyville.”
Harold paused.
“Aaaaannnnndd that’s it?”
“Yeah, pretty much.”
“Nothing on television, telephones or cars?”
“I never heard of those,” Twilight said confusingly. “Are they pieces of your technology?”
“Wow. Where have these ponies been?”
“Yep. I guess that’s another thing we differ in after all: Our level of technology.”
Twilight unrolled a fifth parchment scroll and dipped the quill in the inkwell as the alicorn leaned in closer to hear about the human’s technology. “I’d like for you to tell me a few examples of technology, like that silver, rectangular device you had with you while I was putting the books away.”
“Oh.” Harold took his device from his new jacket pocket and showed it to Twilight.
“This is an iPod. It was developed for entertainment by a company called Apple. This device is run on by a very small battery that powers it for about 36 hours. It can play music, play movies, play games and all. You can only listen to the music through these headphones, earphones or on a speaker.”
Twilight’s eyes widened as if the iPod put her in a hypnotic trance. A small sparkle glinted in the dinner plate sized pupils.
Harold sat there mystified by Twilight’s display of intense interest.
“Umm...would you like to listen to a song?”
“WOULD I!?”
Harold jumped back with his ears clamped against the sudden shrill shriek of the studious alicorn. It took a second for Twilight to realize her mistake. She chuckled nervously and cleared her throat.
“What I meant to say was: I would.”
Harold rolled his eyes with a smile. He took his iPod out and turned the screen on. It had about 14% of battery life left before it could finally die out. He put an earphone in his ear and the other in Twilight’s. Harold switched the iPod to one of his all-time favorite songs and the two started rocking to the beat.
The fiddle solo ended, alongside the song Harold and Twilight were jamming to. This was a feeling Twilight felt like no other. After hearing the perfect combination of the piano’s tune, the beats of the drums and the intensity of the electric guitars, Twilight felt she had finally gotten enjoyment out of her life.
“Wow,” was her only response.
“I know, right?” Harold said gleefully. “I also have some orchestra music, hard rock, a bit of pop and only one rap song.” He checked the screen on his iPod again.
“Damn.”
“What?” Twilight asked, appalled by Harold’s use of minor profanities.
“My power is at 10% power. It’ll turn off on its own unless I can recharge it by plugging it in an electrical outlet.” Harold looked around the library. “Sad to say, there are no outlets here in Equestria. Now I’m gonna have to draw without the aid of music.”
“No problem,” Twilight said, lighting her horn up. “Just leave it to me.”
“Hey, what are you--”
Twilight zapped the iPod with magical electricity. The surge was sent through Harold’s body and into the music playing device. The battery icon on the screen sported a lightning bolt symbol inside. Harold shivered painfully as he was getting fried yet again by the same alicorn who took him in.
Twilight killed the juice before it got the chance to kill Harold.
Harold, covered in cartoon-degree burns coughed out black smoke before he fainted, iPod still in hand. Harold gazed at his music player and was very surprised by what Twilight did to it.
The battery read 100%
“Twilight?” Harold asked worrisome. “What did you do to my iPod?”
“Simple. I created a lightning bolt that helped recharge its battery up to 100%. Not only that, but I increased the battery life up to 72 hours. So now, you can listen to your iPod without having to worry about the percentage going down every few minutes or so.”
Harold was exasperated at first, but he eventually grew a smile on his face.
“Thanks, Twilight. I really appreciate this.”
“Anytime,” Twilight said. Now, how about the other examples of advanced human technology?”
“Damn, this pony has a one-track mind, doesn’t she?” Harold thought to himself.
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The two armored pegasi that spied on the Elements of Harmony in Canterlot flew over a dusty desert, stretching on as far as the eye could see. The ground was cracked with drought. A cow’s skull laid next to a lone cactus as tumbleweeds rolled into the infinite wasteland. Ten yards past the cactus was a dark and depressed forest, a part still unknown to all ponykind. Its trees completely blocked out the sun as the pegasi stallions ventured onward to a jagged mountain range.
Inside the mountainside was a cavern, covered in sickly, transparent, green slime. The pegasi entered the cave and started to change. Small green rings appeared at their hooves and enveloped them completely, transforming into a hideous creature.
The armored stallions transformed into a pony with dark-gray skin tone and bulbous, light blue eyes that spelled tricky and sinister. They had a horn bent upwards, insect-like wings and fangs stick from their mouths. Their hooves had holes in them like they were Swiss cheese.
The bug-pony hybrids walked past others of their own kind and trotted through a tall door in the stone wall leading to a gigantic cavern. Inside the cavern was a hybrid more devious and dangerous than the other hybrids.
The features were similar to the bug-pony hybrids, but bigger. Her mane was long and transparent. Her belly was transparent green and she sported a small crown on her head next to her jagged horn.
The big hybrid laid on her side on her couch with her eyes closed, surrounded by her personal assistants. One of the hybrids disguised as the pegasus guard went over to her and whispered something in her ear.
Her green, reptilian eyes shot open. She bore an evil smile, followed by a wicked cackle.
“Excellent. It seems the Stormbow’s prophecy is finally coming true. Soon, all of Equestria will belong to my master.” The queen turned back to her two spies. “Keep an eye on this creature. Make sure he loses sight of his most precious treasure.”
The spies changed into two Earth mares and galloped out of the throne room, closing the door behind them.
The hybrid queen turned over on her couch and towards a green crystal ball near the worn-down furniture. Past the swirling clouds inside, the insect-like alicorn cackled once more as she saw the bipedal creature silently mouthing out words to her old adversary and bane of her existence, Princess Twilight Sparkle.
“Just you wait, creature. Soon, very soon, you will be the key to bringing down all of Equestria. When that happens, my master will pull the Midnight Chariot and lead this pathetic planet to bring the darkness to all worlds in the universe!”
Queen Chrysalis cackled once more. The evil laughter echoed throughout the caverns, prompting the other Changelings to laugh alongside their queen.
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“...and that’s when cellular phones, or cell phone, became popular. People could send messages or call them whenever they’re on the go. Now they have cell phones that let you go on the Internet (it’s a bit complicated to explain) AND do the things my iPod can do.”
Twilight frantically wrote on the scroll that would’ve been enough to cause a fire with all that speed and friction.
“Ooooh! This is exciting! I’m learning all about the world of an intelligent life form from another planet!” Twilight’s voice was like that of a child obsessed about to get a succulent lollipop from the candy store. “Oh this is gonna grab Princess Celestia’s interest like Rainbow Dash to the Daring Do books!”
“Um, Twilight? Are you okay?”
Twilight brought a hoof in front of her.
“I’m fine, Harold. It’s just that this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to talk with an alien and I’m the only one taking it!” Twilight *squeed* and squealed lightly like a fan girl. Her weird behavior got Harold to step back cautiously.
“Okay...”
Twilight rolled the parchment up and placed it among the stack of five double-sided scrolls. She looked outside the window of the library and checked on the town clock sitting somewhere in the field.
3:24 PM.
Where did the time go?
She looked back to Harold.
He looked as if he was ready to drift off to sleep for having to go 3 hours, 24 minutes and 32 seconds of talking about his Earth without taking a break from the interview. She could read his feeling like a book, as well as the behaviors he was exhibiting at the moment. Harold was shaking his knee uncontrollably like he was anxious for the interview to end.
“Why don’t we take a break?” Twilight asked, breaking the silence. “We’ve been at this all afternoon.”
“You’ve read my mind,” Harold said.
Then something caught his eye. It looked like a mint green unicorn’s horn poking from one corner of a nearby window. The human went over silently, but the horn quickly retracted from the glass and disappeared.
Harold rushed over and looked out the window.
It was like reliving the scene at Fluttershy’s cottage earlier this morning.
The pubescent human looked around and found nothing. Literally nothing, because there was nopony around the area of the library. Harold shrugged his shoulders and closed the windows.
“What did you see?” Twilight asked him.
“I thought a saw a green unicorn horn nearby, but now it’s gone.”
Twilight rolled her eyes. “It’s probably Lyra Heartstrings. She’s a unicorn who’s good with the lyre, but at times, she can get overly curious.”
“Oh. Okay...”
Harold looked back at the window before he went back to his seat to listen to his magically recharged iPod. After putting the songs on Random Shuffle in the Relaxing Music Playlist, Harold slumped back to the table and began to lose himself into a world of blissful tranquility, thanks to the slow strums of Roger Water’s guitar ringing in his ears.
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Lyra Heartstrings popped out of the bushes, mad at her horn for creating a close call of almost being discovered by the human and getting caught. Her horn levitated her quill pen and scroll with her light green aura and grinned.
It looked like Twilight Sparkle wasn’t the only pony who got an opportunity to have a one-on-one time with the alien. She was listening through the tree bark with her sound amplification spell she used on her hearing, so it was like listening through a stethoscope. Like Twilight, Lyra scribbled everything Harold said on the scrolls for her to keep all to herself.
The mint unicorn stuffed her scrolls in her saddlebag as she smiled with joy and pride.
Now she had everything she wanted to know the human species. Oh, what a glorious day for--
“Lyra!”
Bon Bon’s screams was like having the Royal Canterlot Voice in her right ear. She screamed in pain as she quickly undid the spell she put on herself. With a good twist of her hoof in her ear, she turned annoyingly to the Earth pony with had a disappointed scowl of her own.
“What the hay was that for, Bon Bon!? Can’t you see I was researching this human by my--”
“Lyra Heartstrings, you listen to me and listen good! I don’t want you going near that monster, seeing that monster or even thinking about that monster! If I catch you doing something that involved him for just a mere second, I’ll kick you out of my house! You understand!?”
Lyra rolled her eyes, snorting. “Fine, mom!”
“I don’t appreciate that tone either, Lyra.” Bon Bon confiscated the unicorn’s saddle bag with the parchment scrolls inside. “Now come on. I need you to help me prepare steamed sweet corn and fruit salad for tonight’s dinner.”
"Oh, goodie."
Lyra hung her head low.
She wanted to know all about the human herself. If Bon Bon could only approve of the strange biped creature, Lyra’s friendly relationship wouldn’t already be strained as it was the other times she got into trouble for being overly curious. Bon Bon promised to kick her out if she did that once more, but Lyra didn’t care for that right now.
All Lyra had to do was wait for the opportune moment to be alone with him.