//------------------------------// // Ch13 Welcome to the Palace [edited] // Story: Jake and the kid // by peter //------------------------------// Jake and the Kid Ch 13 Welcome to the Palace. *** The dark-clad pony slowly crept through the back alleys of Ponyville, keeping to the shadows and pausing anytime a pony came near. Truthfully, this was not as difficult as it seemed, because this close to dawn, the only pony out and about was the milkcolt. Dusty black cloth covered every inch of the pony’s hide, with the exception of a strange tri-lens headpiece strapped over its eyes. The shadow in the night pushed through a border of bushes into the backyard of Bon Bon’s candy shop, and paused at the sight of a huge, jet-black Pegasus stallion slumbering on top of a thin ground level cloud in the middle of the yard, sheltered beneath his own wings. The ninja pony let out a gasp at the sight of a horn jutting from the stallion’s brow. A hoof went to its head, and it made a small adjustment to its unusual headgear. A moment later a muffled, ‟darn” was heard, and the figure backed into the shadows and worked its way around the perimeter of the yard until it could reach the back door to the sweet shop and slip inside. *** Sweets had watched the entire performance through slitted eyes. Soundlessly he rose to his feet and spread his wings. As silent as a ghost, he glided through the air until he came to a stop beside the rear entrance. He leaned over and pressed his ear to the door. There was no real worry behind his actions. The thought that the pony might be a genuine threat never crossed his mind. In fact, from his short stay in Ponyville a couple of months before he had a pretty good idea who she was. It never hurt to be sure though. *** ‟Bon Bon? Bon Bon?” Lyra whispered, loudly, trying to attract the attention of her roommate/lover. The journeymare candy-maker looked up from where she was checking off the last item she’d just shelved in the storage room. Her eyes were half-lidded with exhaustion. They didn’t stay that way. ‟What the hay,” she yelled out in shock, jumping stiff-legged into the air and threatening to knock over some of her carefully stacked supplies, as she found herself face to face with a bug-eyed monster dressed in a loose-fitting black garment. Her heart threatened to leap right into her throat and she was suddenly as wide awake as it was possible to get without resorting to some of her special formula candy, or an entire pot of triple mocha espresso. Her panic subsided as she recognized the black outfit as Lyra’s, sneaking-around-looking-for-strange-things outfit, the bizarre headpiece was new, however. It seemed to consist of three lenses of different lengths that covered almost all of Lyra’s upper face. ‟What the heck are you wearing? You nearly gave me a heart attack!” she yelled at her marefriend. ‟Do you like them?” Lyra asked enthusiastically, pushing the triple lens headpiece up against her horn. ‟Pinkie Pie lent them to me. They’re night-vision goggles. I can see in the dark almost as well as a Nocturne with these. I’ll be able to spot the humans no matter how dark it is. But, that’s not what’s important right now. Who is that gorgeous stud camping out in the backyard?” ‟Don’t even think about it,” Bon Bon said firmly. ‟He’s one of your mother’s matchmaking attempts. I’ve drafted him to help with candy making for the next few days.” ‟Really? Mother sent him? Her taste is improving. He looks like a cart-Pegasus. Her picks usually look like they’d be more likely to swap fashion tips than show a mare a good time. But what’s with that freaky horn he’s wearing on his head? I thought it was the real deal till I checked him out with my night-goggles.” Bon Bon rolled her eyes. ‟Don’t ask me. It’s some bizarre stallion thing. Apparently, he lost a bet and has to wear the stupid thing for a week. The important thing is, don’t flirt with him. I’ve already told him that I won’t discuss why he came to Ponyville until I get Pinkie’s order finished. Besides, he’s a pervert who has a thing for sucking on strange mare’s tails.” Lyra’s eyes went wide, and she craned her neck around to stare at Bon Bon’s hindquarters. ‟I thought your tail was looking a bit frazzled. I’m surprised you didn’t kick him where it counts.” ‟Oh, I thought about it, believe me,” Bon Bon said, even as her face flushed in memory of how she’d run like a scared filly on Nightmare Night. ‟If Rainbow Dash hadn’t been there, I might have really messed him up.” ‟Lucky for him, then,” Lyra said with a nod of her head. ‟So, how went the human hunting?” Bon Bon asked, to get the inevitable out of the way. Lyra looked a bit discouraged. ‟No luck yet.” Her expression brightened slightly and she added, ‟But I got a bit of help. I recruited Twist, Apple Bloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle to keep an eye out for anything strange and to let me know.” ‟I hope you didn’t scare the girls. Camping out all alone, even if its only in their clubhouse in the orchard, is scary enough. I don’t want Twist running all the way home in the middle of the night because the little fillies got scared of some shadows.” ‟Don’t worry. Those stories about humans being pony-eating monsters are bogus. I told them about how humans used their magic to help ponies find the things they most needed.” There was something about that statement that worried Bon Bon, but with the scare, Lyra had given her wearing off, she was too tired to think what it might be. ‟I’m going to bed to try and get a couple of hours of sleep before the sun comes up.” Lyra let out a huge yawn, ‟I’ll join you. I have to survey the area on the other side of Sweet Apple Acres tomorrow,” she frowned and corrected herself, ‟today.” She gave her head a shake, and letting out another wide yawn, followed Bon Bon to their bedroom, so tired that she was only slightly intrigued at the idea of doing a little tail munching of her own. That big black stallion might be a pervert, but she couldn’t fault his taste in mares. *** Sweets winged his way back to his lonely camp in the middle of the back yard. What he had overheard had given him lots to think of. He was a young healthy stallion, so one of those things was that crazy ninja-mare thought he was a gorgeous stud. To the likely surprise of a few of his friends, that was only his secondary concern. His first concern was that he wasn’t really happy about her hunting humans. Technically Sweets was not here to guard the Alicorn stallion or his human companion. His job was to be a stalking horse, to attract and deflect attention, as well as to sow doubts in any reports of an over-sized black Alicorn stallion that might make their way to the press. It wasn’t his job to deflect Lyra from her hunting or to protect the human from her. That didn’t stop him from thinking that he should. Given his usual attitude toward mares, and her avowed appreciation of his fine flanks, one logical means of distracting her sprang readily to mind. But right on the tail of that thought an image of Bon Bon’s scowling face popping into his mind. The idea of doing anything that would cause that sweet-smelling mare to look at him with even more disdain than she already did was distasteful to the extreme. He reassured himself that the Alicorn and the Human were under the protection of the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony. Given their past record, that was a far more potent level of security than anything a simple guard barely two months out of the academy could offer. In any case, he just happened to recognize the names of three of the particular ponies Lyra had mentioned. He highly doubted anypony had anything to worry about from the cute little fillies who had spent the time during his last visit to Ponyville helping out in the Library. They had been cute as buttons with how they had taken their ‘responsibilities’ so seriously. Especially the little pegasus mare who had styled herself an honorary Royal Guard in training. Sweets nestled down on his cloud mattress and was soon fast asleep, dreaming of Bon Bon hoof feeding him one delectable chocolate after another. Each one sweeter than the last. *** Denied the sky by her fear, Goose could have become a lonely isolated pony. The various aunts, cousins and older mares of the family would have been happy to sequester her deep in the house, away from the sun and sky. She refused such sanctuary, and with the complicity of her older brothers she escaped the comfortable darkness of her family home and ventured out in secret under the terrifying night sky every chance she had. If she could not fly, she still had her legs. Head down she ran everywhere. There were chores normally reserved for the stallions that involved carrying heavy loads, she did those, relying less and less on her natural pegasus ability to reduce the weight and mass of a load as time went on. It was a rare day during this time period when Goose did not fall into bed a quivering mass of overworked muscles. After all, her only alternative was to suffer through night terrors which gave her a strong motivation to exhaust herself as much as possible every night. Her body grew as hard and firm as an earth pony. She laughed at the normal physical challenges life threw at her. The ten-hour cleaning shifts at the Palace were a walk in the park for her sturdy, durable body. Usually. This past night had been anything but the usual. Dozens of ponies had been dashing back and forth, tracking dust and dirt all over her nice clean hallways and forcing her to clean the same lengths of corridor again and again. It would have had a normal maid cursing certain inconsiderate ponies who were too lazy to get their work done during proper business hours when there was a full cleaning crew to deal with their messes. Or at the very least, couldn’t they have restricted their activities to some other maid’s area of responsibility? Even the small Nocturne was feeling the burn as her shift moved to a close. Goose hadn’t minded at all. Her head had been too full of anticipation. She had listened with rapt attention to the chattering ponies as they went about their chores. It seemed that Princess Luna herself was excavating a forgotten archive of lost lore, searching for some special magic. Goose fairly trembled with excitement and dread at the thought she might see the Princess of the Night again. The excitement was easily understood given what a rabid fan-pony she was, the dread was that she would once again disgrace herself as she had a few nights before when she had encountered the Princess and turned into a gibbering wreck in front of the amused stare of Princess Luna’s personal guard, the notorious Pumpernickel Rye. In the end, there had been lots of dirt, but no Princess Luna. Goose was currently frantically trying to restore her hallways to perfect order before the day shift took over. She was darned if they were going to have any reason to think she wasn’t up to the task. She ran the duster in her mouth around the base of a pony-sized vase and felt a sudden clunk as a small tattered notebook was knocked out from behind it and into view, falling open as it did so. For a moment she stared at the innocuous item, running her options through her mind. Trash was out. While tattered it was clearly not garbage. Lost and found then, she thought as she reached for it, then she spotted the special sigil of Princess Luna on the inside cover. Goose froze in shock. Trembling she picked up the precious object. She handled it with the reverence and care an object that had been touched by the sacred hoof of the Lady of the Night deserved. She battled the urge to tuck it into her apron and pretend that she had never seen it. *** ‟A productive evening, I think,” Luna remarked to her personal hoof-maiden, Laminia, as she strolled down the hallway toward her office. She had just lowered the moon and stars and was looking forward to some intensive research into the transformation spell for young Jake before retiring for the day. Princess Luna could not have looked more unlike her usual dark beauty, seen as how she was cloaked from horn to hoof in the dust smock that she had been wearing down in the sealed archives. The formerly plain white garment was now covered in dirt and grime, giving the Princess the look of a homeless bag mare, at least in the eyes of her mortified hoof-maiden which was a fact Luna seemed totally ignorant of. Although, if Laminia had been able to pull her eyes away from her mistress’ soiled flanks long enough to meet Luna’s eyes, she might have detected a slight twinkle there that would have indicated the princess was not as oblivious to Laminia’s feelings as she seemed. ‟As you say, my lady,” the Nocturne mare replied in a distracted manner. The sight of Luna dressed in the dirt-smeared dust smock was physically painful to her artistic soul. Her hooves itched with the urge to strip it from Luna and send it to be cleaned, and then burned, and then have the ashes thrown into the wash to be cleaned again. Strolling past the guards on duty at the door, the two dark-hued mares entered Luna’s office. The Princess of the Night felt a glow of contentment as she took in the stacks of books that decorated her desk and most other convenient surfaces. They were all old friends she had thought lost to her forever. Merely looking at the covers brought back memories of curling up in the dark of the night, the glow from her horn illuminating the text as she chased down facts and formulated theories. Or just enjoyed a ripping good adventure yarn. ‟So many,” Laminia commented softly, her expression slightly dismayed as she contemplated the formidable task ahead for her mistress. She was remembering how wired Luna had been after the last all-night binge of research, and was not looking forward to another such incident. ‟Not so many, dear Laminia,” Luna replied. ‟There are actually only four books relevant to the task at hoof. Even then I only need them to confirm some facts I have already taken into account. I simply do not want to risk the slightest chance things will go awry. I believe that I shall be ready within a day to attempt the task my sister and I have considered.” ‟But, all of these,” Laminia replied, gesturing at the towering stacks of literature. ‟I could hardly leave such dear old friends alone in the dark once I had found them again after so many years,” Luna said in a soft distracted voice as she ran a gentle hoof over the nearest folio. ‟Why I even found Star Swirl the Bearded’s student journal. I had thought that lost long before my quarrel with Tia. Twilight Sparkle shall be most joyful when she receives her Hearth's Warming gift this year,” Luna added with an expression of anticipation on her face. ‟Would you like me to help you out of your garb, Ma’am?” Laminia asked, visions of trash cans dancing in her head. ‟You will wish to freshen up a bit before the young filly comes for her interview.” ‟Thank you, yes,” Luna replied. ‟Has maintenance refurbished the maid’s utility room yet?” Luna’s suite of rooms, like her sister’s, contained fully functional workrooms for the various support staff a ruling Diarch required. A laundry room was adjacent to Laminia’s own dressmaking studio. There was also a large kitchen, fully capable of preparing everything from a late night snack to a full formal banquet. There was even a handyman’s workshop. Most of these rooms had been mothballed for centuries and were only now being brought up to modern standards, but as of yet were empty of the staff needed to use them. ‟Yes, they finished the other day,” Laminia replied as she helped Luna out of the filthy duster. ‟That is well. You may leave it there for Goose Down to clean.” Laminia managed to keep her expression neutral as Luna dashed any hope she might have had of disposing of the abomination. She was not able to keep a small grimace from appearing on her muzzle when the princess added, ‟Would be best, I think if you created several more such garments. I saw many things of interest while excavating the old records. When time allows we shall explore a bit more.” Luna stopped and considered a bit. ‟Possibly Twilight Sparkle would be interested in lending a hand with the cataloging?” she said in a questioning tone that held a slight uncertainty. ‟I’m sure she would be most delighted to root around in the dust and dirt with you, Ma’am,” Laminia said in a carefully neutral tone of voice as she gingerly carried the soiled garment over to a nearby hamper. Having placed the offending garment out of sight, if not out of mind, Lamina gave a small bow to Princess Luna. ‟With your leave, Ma’am, I will go and escort the young filly here for her interview.” ‟Hmm?” Luna murmured, looking up from the book she had opened up and was perusing. ‟Ah, yes. You may leave,” she said with a distracted air, her attention turning back to the book she had floated up in front of her face. ‟Would you like me to run a bath for you before I leave, Ma’am?” Laminia asked, dropping a broad hint. Luna jerked her attention away from the open book, just the slightest touch of red gracing her cheeks. ‟That will not be necessary,” she said in a slightly flustered voice. ‟Your most excellent cover kept most of the dust from our hide. We will freshen up and be ready when you return.” Laminia would not dream of staring at her princess like she was a little filly putting off bath time, but neither did she make a move to leave the room till the princess closed the book she had been studying with a reluctant sigh and headed for the bathroom. Only then did the loyal hoof-maiden exit, closing the door behind her. *** Pumpernickel Rye was standing guard outside the royal chambers, waiting for the day shift, which was due to show in a few minutes. ‟I’m leaving to collect Goose Down now, dear. I should not be long,” Laminia informed her husband before trotting down the hallway. Pumpernickel, in official guard mode, gave no response to her information, nor did he turn his head to watch her as she walked away, her tail and hips swishing delightfully. He did, not for the first, or likely the last, time, give fervent thanks at being blessed with such excellent peripheral vision. *** The instant Princess Luna stepped into her bathroom, her detached attitude vanished. As the door closed, sealing her inside, her eyes narrowed in concentration and a soft pulse of magic flowed out from her body, bouncing off everything in the way and reflecting back to her. Her mind analyzed the returning magic, paying special attention to the trace elements of foreign magic that it carried back to her. Earth pony magic from the maintenance workers, who had brought the room up to modern princess standards. Pegasus magic, residue from the painters who had refinished the walls and ceilings were mixed in as well. And there it was, what she was looking for. A tiny, almost invisible, trace of Tia’s magic. Luna focused and sent out a narrower pulse in the direction the reflection had come from. This led her to a pristine bar of creamy white soap sitting in its bowl beside the sink. Luna levitated a dark-colored washcloth and, after dampening it, rubbed it against the indicated object, all while staying well clear. The hand cloth turned white as snow where it had contacted the ‘soap’. Luna smirked in satisfaction. ‟You are slipping, sister dear,” she announced to the empty room. Having determined that there was no other active magic currently in the bathroom Luna once again concentrated. The pulse of magic that flowed out from her this time did not bounce but clung to all the outer walls, ceiling, and floor. Insulating the room from any outside magic. The spell would stay up until overwhelmed by extremely powerful external magic, or Luna popped the bubble from the inside. Not satisfying with checking and insulating against magical attacks, Luna carefully inspected the bathroom for any further traps or tricks. Lastly, she made sure that most mundane of bathroom accessories were present. A full roll of Toilet Paper. [1] Smirking at the thought of Tia’s coming frustration, and her own cleverness, Luna rinsed her face and sent magical fingers of energy through her mane to puff it up. It had been sadly compacted by her duster, but the garment had fulfilled its mandate and had kept her lovely ethereal mane dust free. She next made use of the facilities and was still feeling very self-satisfied when she reached for the roll of T.P. and was rewarded with a clunk as her hoof knocked against the roll of paper. Luna stared at what seemed like a perfect fluffy roll of soft comfort in disbelief. She poked it again, and again, each time being rewarded with a small clunk as her hoof encountered what was beyond a shadow of a doubt, a piece of beautifully carved marble. The Diarch of the Night threw back her head and screamed out, ‟Tia, thou shall pay for this most grievous of insults.” The wards of protection around her bathroom popped like a soap bubble in the face of her wrath, and a soft pulse of magic filled the entire palace, so indistinct that only the most sensitive of Unicorns even noticed it passing. Not until it reached its intended target did it resolve into a coherent message that carried Luna’s vow of revenge. *** Celestia paused with a cup of tea halfway to her lips. She smiled, licked her right forehoof, and drew a coup mark in the empty air, much to the puzzlement of the advisers who she was currently consulting with. *** Pumpernickel detected motion down the hall and shifted his head a bare fraction of an inch, just enough to clearly see the oncoming pony. An eyebrow arched in surprise as he saw little Goose Down trotting down the hallway toward him, an expression that was a mix of anticipation, and outright terror on her face. She was still dressed in her black and white maid’s uniform with the white lace trimmed saddlebags that carried her basic supplies, but there was something obviously missing. There was no sign of Laminia. The big blocky nocturne frowned. There was no way that his wife would have sent the filly here on her own. Besides which, Goose was coming from the wrong direction, and it was far too soon. Laminia would not yet have reached the area where Shadow Dash had agreed to meet her with Goose. The small Nocturne mare reached him and gazed up at his stoic muzzle. ‟Pardon me, sir. But I found this in the hallway. I think it might belong to Princess Luna,” she said, her voice quivering from nerves. She extracted a small tattered notebook from her saddlebag, handling it as if it were worth more than all the jewels in Equestria. *** Goose was afraid she was going to throw up. Her stomach felt like she’d just finished five hundred crunches and her legs were as wobbly as if she’d just run fifty miles with a hundred-pound pack. It wasn’t the guard causing her distress. The stallion in front of her didn’t hold a candle to her big brother, Shadow when it came to projecting an aura of intimidation. In fact, Optio Pumpernickel looked almost kindly. Or, as kindly as his rather rough-hewn features allowed. It didn’t make a lick of difference. He might as well not even have been there for all the attention she was sparing him. The only thing filling her mind was the faint, terrifying, hope that she might actually get to hand her find to the Princess directly. She held the notebook firmly between her hooves and resisted the urge to try and peer around Pumpernickel to see if Princess Luna was in the room behind him. ‟Wait, please. The princess’ hoof-maiden will be here in a short while,” he said, staring over her head as he continued to scan the hallway. ‟Yes. Of course! I’ll just wait, right here. In this spot, here!” Goose blurted out, even as she told herself to stop babbling and shut up. She shifted slightly to the side and turned so she was standing next to the guard, on the opposite side from the entrance to Princess Luna’s office. Unconsciously she adopted the same stance as him. Pumpernickel suppressed a grin at the earnest little mare’s actions. She was going to become part of the Princess Luna’s household, even if she did not know it yet. That made her family in a way, and he found himself experiencing the same sort of emotion he would have felt if she had been one of his younger brothers. Not one of his younger sisters. Even at Goose's age, they had been mysterious and dangerous creatures beyond his ken. No, Goose definitely projected a younger brother quality. He had noticed the same thing when he had walked her home the day before. He gave his head an internal shake in bemusement. He had never before encountered or expected to, a Nocturne Tomcolt. The two ponies stood side by side, Pumpernickel immobile and unresponsive, Goose with quivering flanks and the occasional shuffled hoof. The small mare’s motions slowly calmed as she seemed to take strength from the stolid pony next to her. Soon, Goose was as still as Pumpernickel, except for the occasional ear twitch. ‟PUMPERNICKEL! Thy Princess requires thou!” The booming voice from inside the office nearly knocked Goose to her knees, even as Pumpernickel whirled and dashed inside while throwing a command to, ‟Stay!” over his shoulder as he left. Goose gulped as her former sense of nausea returned. What was going on? Was the Princess in danger? Should she run for help? She had been ordered to stay. But what if a Griffin assassin had flown in through a window and even now was tearing the guard stallion into shreds. Not that there were any sounds coming from inside that would indicate such mayhem. She could just make out Pumpernickel’s voice and another muffled tone that sounded like the pony in question was talking through a door. ‟Yes, Understood. Without delay, Ma’am,” she heard Pumpernickel say in reply to whatever the other pony, Princess Luna? had said. Goose found her heart was racing at the mere thought that the princess might only be a few feet away. A moment later the bulky guard walked out of the office, staring at her as if she were a gift from the heavens. ‟Do you have a spare roll of toilet paper in your saddlebags?” he asked out of the blue. Goose blinked in surprise at the unexpected question, and actually took a step back from the rather wild expression in the big guard’s eyes. ‟No,” she stammered out. She continued to speak as a look of despair filled his eyes. His expression caused her to break her promise to keep such information from civilian, non-maid ponies.(2) ‟Each bathroom has a small concealed storage unit for spare necessities, kept fully stocked at all times with a couple of months worth of supplies.” Goose had never been in the Princess’ private rooms before. Her duty was merely to clean the assigned general areas, but she had been assured that every single bathroom had such a storage area. At least since the last renovations, a month or so ago, had made sure of it. Goose gave a little squeak of alarm as the stallion’s bat-wing snapped out and settled over her shoulders, barely repressing her instinctive reaction to such forward behavior from a stallion who was still mostly a stranger to her. He hustled her into the office and over to a closed door. He knocked once and announced. ‟The maid is here, Ma’am.” In an aside to Goose he said, very softly. ‟Don’t worry, she doesn’t bite.” He then turned tail and dashed back to his post, leaving a stunned Goose standing alone in front of a door that suddenly looked a lot more intimidating than it had a moment before. The petite Nocturne felt like she was strangling. Her chest seemed to be one big ball of tension and it was difficult to breathe. She found herself staring at the door to the bathroom as if it was a portal to a nether dimension. A voice, smooth and gentle, came from the other side of the hell portal. ‟Optio Pumpernickel is right, my little pony. We do not bite.” Goose jumped slightly and hesitantly reached for the doorknob. She must have been too slow because the voice spoke again, this time more firmly. ‟But if thou do not move thy flanks, we may choose to rethink that policy.” The voice sounded so much like one of her older sisters in full on little sisters are such a pain mode, that Goose managed to set aside her terror temporarily. Drawing a huge breath, she plastered a wide smile on her face, opened the door, and went inside. **** Pumpernickel heaved a sigh of relief when he spotted the day shift guards trotting down the hallway at a brisk pace. After Shadow Dash’s interview with the princess, he knew how important this first meeting between Goose and Princess Luna was. He had hated sending her in alone, but leaving the doorway unguarded simply was not an option. The senior duty guard stomped to a halt in front of him and opened his mouth to formally announce his readiness to take over the duty. Pumpernickel beat him to the punch. ‟I am relieved, you have the duty. The Princess is interviewing her new maid. Her hoof-maiden will be here shortly. Please do not allow the princess to be disturbed by anyone else.” [3] Pretending not to notice the deeply offended expression on his fellow guard’s face, Pumpernickel backed into Luna’s office and closed the door behind him. At that point, the very male guard was a bit lost. He could hardly go barging into Her Royal Highness’ bathroom to offer moral support to the young filly. Yelling encouragement through the door was also not advisable. Truth was, he was even more useless than he had been standing guard, at least then he had been performing an important function. He was now very much the fifth leg. He could only hope things did not go too badly awry. As if in answer to his thoughts, the door to the bathroom suddenly glowed with the unmistakable starry hue of Princess Luna’s magic. It swung open, and a moment later a wide-eyed, stiff-legged, Nocturne filly floated out the door and was set gently on the office floor. The magic withdrew and the door to the bathroom swung gently shut. Goose remained standing, frozen in place with her face twisted into a smiling grimace, her panic-stricken eyes wide, but unseeing. It was as severe a case of {Extreme Royal Shock} as Pumpernickel had ever seen. The poor filly had been thrust into the most intimate encounter possible with the Ruler of the Night, her Royal Highness, Diarch of Equestria, and to the Nocturne, Mother of their Race, Princess Luna. That the Pony in question was a Nocturne only made the situation worse. Pumpernickel usually felt a great deal of internal hilarity at ponies in this condition. Having suffered through bouts of it himself, he felt he had paid his dues and was allowed to enjoy being an observer instead of a victim. This time there was none of that. He felt nothing but sympathy for poor Goose but was quite positive he had no interest at all in applying the only known quick cure for her condition. Sympathetic he might have been, but Laminia could be back any minute looking for her wayward charge or to report that she seemed to be missing, and he was seriously trying to suppress his penchant for random bouts of suicidal behavior. At that moment, the door to the bathroom opened and Princess Luna strolled out in full regal mode. Only someone who knew her as well as Pumpernickel would have noticed the slight tinge of a flush coloring her cheeks. She was accompanied by a small floating pile of white gravel, which she levitated over to the trash container next to her desk, and gave a snort of satisfaction as she deposited it therein. With neck arched and spine straight as a ruler, Luna turned her attention to Goose as she declaimed in her best royal voice, ‟We thank thee for your most timely assistance. It bodes well for our future interactions.” Luna trailed off as she noticed a decided lack of attention on the part of the filly she was being magnanimous toward. She frowned, her embarrassment at her previous situation making her a bit short tempered. Pumpernickel gave a discreet cough and asked, ‟If I may, Ma’am?” Luna, who’s scowl had started to turn puzzled, turned her attention from the rigid form of Goose toward the large royal guard. ‟I’m afraid that young Goose has been quite overcome at the experience of meeting you.” ‟Ah, you are saying she is suffering from RSS?" Luna asked. "But, the cure of that is most easily administered,” she continued, her expressing turning fey. At that moment the resemblance between her and her sister was unmistakable. Luna sidled up beside the immobile Goose and lowered her head till her nose brushed the tip of the filly’s ear. She extended her tongue and gave the inside of Goose’s ear a long languorous lick. The young Nocturne shivered, her eyes going from blank to startled, and muscles twitched all over her body. *** Pumpernickel’s fear of his own strength, and inner demon, combined with a penchant for refusing to strike seriously at a sparring opponent, had led to him developing superlative defensive abilities. A large part of defensive martial arts was reading an opponents body language and knowing what was coming from the smallest of muscle twitches. It was this skill that had the large muscular Night Guard thrusting himself between Princess Luna and Goose before his conscious mind had time to fully register just why he was doing it. Pumpernickel was a bulky, heavily armored, pony. He was confident that he would be able to deflect whatever half-remembered self-defense move Luna’s action had instigated. After all, Goose was half his size at best. He realized he’d been overconfident when one of the filly’s over-sized wings snapped out and under his belly, even as she folded her legs and thrust her barrel against his knees. Too late Pumpernickel realized that Goose’s phobia against flying in the open sky had done nothing to diminish her ability to lighten loads she was in contact with. In this case, the load was himself. The room pin-wheeled in his vision as he was thrown over the smaller pony’s back. His own wings thrust out in an attempt to soften the impact, but it was too little, too late. His back slammed against the office floor hard enough to make him see stars while the breath gushed from his lungs. Even as he drew in a great gasp of air, his instincts made him continue to roll. He could only pray that this allowed him to take the finishing blow from the small Nocturne on his armored rear legs instead of something a lot softer and more delicate. Pumpernickel could have thrust Goose up and off of himself and more than likely avoided the kick he knew was coming, but his own early childhood trauma held him firmly in check. He was totally incapable of lashing out at an innocent pony with anywhere near his true strength. As he braced himself for what was to come he stared upward into Goose’s eyes and saw life suddenly flow back into the filly’s expression. The blow she had aimed at him was pulled up short. The panic-stricken look in her eyes disappeared, to be replaced with one of puzzlement, quickly changing into outright shock, and something else. Pumpernickel was pretty sure that he’d worn that expression of utter despair on more than one occasion himself. He was already inclined to sympathize with the startled filly but that expression and the obvious feelings behind it increased that inclination a hundredfold. [4] The winded Night Guard, opened his mouth to speak, with the intent of reassuring Goose, who was right on the verge of a total breakdown from the looks of things. Before he could utter a syllable, the young filly let out a cry of mortification and scrambled off of the supine Pumpernickel, whose eyes suddenly bulged as she did by accident what she had almost done with intent. A high pitched squeak escaped him. Goose looked at what she had done in terror and mortification. She had assaulted the Princess’ personal guard. She would have assaulted the Princess if he had not intervened. She had shamed herself, shamed her family. Her name would be eradicated from the family’s Book of Tradition. Her name would go on the list of names that were never to be bestowed on another pony. Her mother would lose her position as senior mare if she was not ejected from the family outright. Not that Goose would be around to see any of that. Any minute the terrible justice of the Ruler of the Night would fall on her head, and she would exit this world as a small pile of ash. It was no more than she deserved. Goose didn’t even attempt to meet her fate standing on four hooves with head lifted high. A wretch like her had no business presuming a right to such behavior. She huddled on the floor, her wings mantled around her body and waited for the divine hammer to fall. *** Luna had been rather violently thrust aside by her loyal, ox-brained, Royal Guard, and had been forced to stagger backward a few steps to keep from falling on her posterior. Only her pride was bruised, but that was enough to make her feel extremely annoyed at her guard. All her annoyance fled as she watched Pumpernickel somersault over the back of the small filly whose ear she had just licked, a filly who was a fraction his size. It happened so fast that Luna had to mentally replay the action. One of Goose’s over-sized wings had snapped out under the large guard’s stomach and lifted, while at the same time she had folded her legs and thrust her small body against his knees. Pumpernickel had stumbled forward, at which point the petite nocturne had thrust herself upright, catapulting the much larger pony into the air. Her body had twisted as her wing continued to press firmly against the much heavier stallion’s belly, accelerating his awkward descent toward the flooring in a most amusing fashion. The entire room shuddered as Pumpernickel’s back slammed into the floor with Goose riding him in a nearly-obscene manner all the way down. Luna’s amusement abruptly fled when Goose’s rear leg lashes forward far too quick for her to stop, heading for a part of Pumpernickel’s anatomy that would cause him a great deal of pain, and make Laminia a very lonely mare for several weeks. At the last minute, Goose pulled her kick and Luna had let out a sigh of relief. Laminia would have been most wroth with her if Pumpernickel had taken that foul blow. A second later she winced as the small filly scrambled off of the large Royal Guard, and stepped on the self-same delicate place that she had just barely avoided striking moments before. By the time this had all happened, Luna had been able to consider the situation, and her eyes lit up with delight. Rather callously ignoring Pumpernickel’s distress, she let out a cheer. ‟Oh, Huzzah. Most excellent. And those idiots believe a mare can’t be a guard.” Her magic reached out and gathered Goose up, dragging the small, limp, unresisting body into her embrace. ‟Thou shalt prove them most grievously wrong, young mare. The position of a maid is wasted upon a pony with such a warrior's heart. I hereby bestow on you the position of Royal Guard.” Luna paused and waited for Goose to either exclaim in gratitude or to tell her that she was not worthy of the honor, a reaction she had noticed was quite common among her Nocturne. What she got was crickets chirping. When she held the small filly out at leg's length for a better look, Goose's head lolled back on her neck in a most disturbing way, as if she were a rag doll instead of a flesh and blood pony. Her eyes were rolled back in her head till only the whites showed and a small bit of foam was leaking from the corner of her mouth. ‟Oh, dear. We fear we may have broken her, again.” Luna said in chagrin. ‟No! Can’t just make her a guard,” came from a pained Pumpernickel who grimaced as he got to his feet. The blow had been glancing, but it was still taking all his considerable willpower to keep from disgracing himself and in the process killing the closest potted plant. He looked through tear-clouded eyes to where a limp Goose hung from Luna’s embrace, her eyes wide and unseeing in shock. Luna didn’t even seem aware of her burden as she glared at Pumpernickel. ‟No? Explain. Quickly.” Pumpernickel was not at his best. There was nothing out of the ordinary about that situation, because it was pretty much his normal status when dealing with Luna, even more so when she was annoyed at him. He wasn’t sure his recently learned diplomatic skills were up to the challenge. For Goose’s sake, he would try. ‟You know from our discussion with Sergeant Shadow Dash, that Goose Down’s most fervent wish is to be a Night Guard. To serve you body and soul,” Pumpernickel said. ‟And I am granting this wish,” Luna said in a stern tone. The powerful Night Guard drew a deep breath and grimaced artistically, diplomatically milking his disability for all it was worthwhile thinking about what to say. There were numerous very practical reasons why it would be a very bad idea for Luna to unilaterally appoint an unqualified pony to the Night Guard. He could spend hours enumerating them, and he was lousy at backroom politics. He was sure there were many ponies who could make a far better case than he could, and take ten times as long to do it. In the end, he decided to keep it as simple as possible. ‟She might gain the title, but she’d never feel she deserved it. She comes from a guard family. She knows how hard it is to earn a place in the guard. She would resign within a month, and would likely retreat into her family home and never come out again.” Luna frowned at him. ‟This is nonsense. It was common practice to appoint worthy ponies to positions in this manner.” Pumpernickel gritted his teeth. It would be useless to point out that more than an ability to break heads was needed in this day and age. ‟You are the Princess. You can promote any pony to any position you wish. That would not change how Goose would feel about gaining her dream in that manner.” Luna nodded her head, making the unconscious nocturne mare held in her magic limply nod along with her. ‟You do have a point. And there is the additional consideration that the guard as a whole, and the ponies in charge, would never accept her. Indeed, they might even make the base claim that the only way a mare could become a guard would be for my sister or me to appoint them. Sheer nonsense.” The stocky guard pony in front of her blinked at this sudden switch in tactics. He had considered what Luna had just said, but had thought she would merely run roughshod over that particular argument. The guard served her and Celestia. It would darn well do what she commanded. ‟It is to be presumed that if we asked that Goose is to be admitted to the current training session, her disability would be used as an excuse to, as they put it, ‘wash her out’, even though there are many positions that do not require that talent.” ‟Yes, exactly.” ‟If only there were some way to give her the training, using some clever scheme.” ‟Well, as your personal maid, she will, of course, receive a certain amount of training, above her already impressive trick,” Pumpernickel said. "But nowhere near the amount that a guard candidate receives," he hastily added. ‟Ah, but what if we could convince the pony that will be overseeing that training to give her more than the basics. To give her, we believe these days it is called, the works. There would be no need for her to know she is working toward full guard status, till she gains it.” ‟But it would be my job to see that she is trained . . .” Pumpernickel trailed off as he looked in horror at Princess Luna, who was all but smirking at him. He had a sudden sinking suspicion that he had been played. ‟I’m not qualified to supervise that level of training,” he protested. What he really meant, and would never say, was that he did not trust himself. A drill-instructor had to be a master of applied mayhem at times, at some point it was almost a requirement that they inflict some level of grievous bodily harm, something he simply could not do, not to a normal male candidate, and doubly so in regards to a tiny little filly like Goose. ‟But is her elder brother not a fully qualified instructor? I am sure he would be happy to lend a hoof if you were to merely ask. Perhaps he would even be interested in entering our personal service. Tia has been after me to increase my personal staff.” Luna said this lightly, but underneath she felt a certain amount of trepidation. She had been reluctant to increase her personal household and the number of ponies that she was directly responsible for, as opposed to those who were merely part of the general palace staff. During his training days, Pumpernickel was renowned for never surrendering in a fight until he had been put down for the count. He was a lot smarter now. ‟I’ll interview Shadow Dash and see if he might be interested in transferring into your personal guard.” ‟Most excellent.” Luna nodded in approval while keeping her self-doubt hidden. Just then the limp form of Goose let out a low moan. Luna hastily settled her gently on the floor and stepped back a few feet to give her a chance to recover without inflicting further shocks on her system. Hoof-beats sounded outside the door to the office and a moment later Laminia burst into the room. Her expression of worry turned to relief at seeing Goose, and back to worry as she took in the way the small filly was huddled into a ball on the floor. ‟Princess," she said in a firm voice while directing a quick glance at Pumpernickel that indicated the whole story would be extracted from her husband when time permitted. "Shadow Dash is waiting outside. Do I have your permission to allow him entry?" ‟No, please, no,” Goose moaned. She didn’t want her big brother to know about her disgrace, or to see her destroyed. Her protests were ignored, and a minute later the elderly drill sergeant was kneeling on the floor beside her. He stroked her wings with a gentle hoof while crooning in a soft voice that Pumpernickel would have been the first to declare impossible for the gravel-throated pony to produce. ‟There, there, silly filly. What’s all this then, eh?” He eased her back to her hooves and placed a comforting wing over her back. ‟Now come on, my little pony. Buck up. You don’t want the princess to think you’re some sort of watering pot.” ‟You don’t understand. I attacked the princess,” Goose wailed. ‟Oh, piffle. Pumpernickel once hit us with a door,” Luna said. Off to the side, Pumpernickel winced as brother and sister directed incredulous looks his way. Goose’s expression was one of shocked disbelief. Shadow’s expression was a bit more resigned, as in, why am I not surprised? Laminia, who was standing off to the side, saw with interest that Goose shifted her body just a little bit, placing herself more firmly between the princess and Pumpernickel. Luna had noticed the same thing even as she continued in her attempts to put the star-struck filly at ease. ‟We resisted the urge to immolate him. We are hardly going to hold something you almost did, but didn’t, against thee,” Princess Luna chided the small filly. ‟If you are to be our personal maid, thou shalt need a far stiffer spine than this. Do as your brother sayest, stand up straight and true and face your liege.” ‟Personal maid?” Goose squeaked, even as she stiffened her legs and lifted her head. She still couldn’t bring herself to look the princess in the eyes, but she was giving her liege’s chest a close examination. ‟If thou are willing,” Luna said. Despite everything she had experienced since coming back from the moon, there was a tiny part of Luna that fully expected rejection, and that part caused her stomach to roil slightly as she waited to hear Goose’s reply. The young mare looked up at her older brother, who gave her an encouraging smile. She looked around at Optio Pumpernickel, and his wife, Princess Luna’s hoof-maiden, Laminia, who would be her companions if she agreed. She thought of her home. It was a more comfortable environment since her mother had become elder mare, but there were still more than a few female relatives who considered her a reject and an embarrassment. There was really no question as to her reply. She curtsied, perfectly for the first time, to her princess. ‟I would be honored.” ‟That’s my girl,” Shadow whispered into her ear. ‟That brings us to thee, sergeant. Our Optio is in need of a good aid-de-camp, and some pony experienced in training skilled guard ponies. We are of the belief that you would be most suitable for this task. We ask you, as we did your sister. Will you enter our service?” It had been a very long time since Shadow Dash had been rendered speechless. Pumpernickel found himself taking more than a little pleasure in the spectacle now, and felt not one little bit of guilt at it. **** Twilight Sparkle crept as quietly as possible into the library. She had left Sweet Apple Acres early, and even now the sun was not all the way up. She would have gone straight from the farm to her intended location, but she needed some material for her upcoming task. She selected several books from the young pony section and levitated them into her saddlebags. Still staying as silent as she could, she trotted to the outside door and eased it open, keeping her head turned toward the stairs with her eyes and ears scanning for the least little sight or sound that she had been discovered. Backing out the doorway, she carefully shut the door with only the softest of clicks. Twilight gave a sigh, and turned around, only to stumble to a stop and blush red at the sight of Spike standing in the middle of the street, arms crossed and an accusatory look on his face. ‟Not cool, Twilight. Not cool at all,” he chided her. ‟Oh, Spike. I thought you were still sleeping. I didn’t want to wake you up,” Twilight said in a flustered voice while looking anywhere but directly into her friend’s eyes. Instead, she continued to dig the hole she was in deeper. ‟Yep, I know how you just love your sleep.” ‟Give it a rest, Twilight. I know you were sneaking out to go and see them, and you didn’t want me along. ‟That is so not cool. I’m your number one assistant. How can you leave me out of something as Equestria shattering as this?” ‟I just thought you’d be bored, Spike,” Twilight said, still avoiding Spike’s accusing glare. ‟No, really. I’m just going over to Fluttershy’s to see Curry. I wanted to prepare her.” Twilight, at last, met Spike’s gaze as her enthusiasm for this latest project overwhelmed her embarrassment. ‟Once Princess Celestia makes arrangements for Curry and Jake, they are both going to need to attend school. Jake is still a very young foal and intellectually would be on an equal footing with his classmates in magical kindergarten.” Spike broke in at this point with a laugh. ‟Equal footing,” he said in an incredulous tone. ‟Twilight, one of his hooves is as big as Pipsqueak.” Twilight’s expression grew a bit thoughtful, ‟Yes, you do have a point there. But I’m sure something can be worked out. The important thing is that he will not be out of place mentally. All his classmates will have the same level of schooling as he has, which is none. Curry is going to be a completely different situation. She's older, so she'll be going to school with fillies and colts who have been going to school for years. She’ll be embarrassed and ashamed at being so far behind her classmates.” ‟How do you know she’ll be behind? She’s a human. She’s likely got out of this world knowledge and special powers. I bet she can move objects just with her mind.” ‟Spike. I can move objects with just my mind,” Twilight reminded the little dragon. ‟Not the same thing. You’re using perfectly natural unicorn magic to do that,” Spike said, brushing aside her comment as irrelevant. Twilight had spent an hour making up a list of pro and con reasons why she should or should not take Spike with her to Fluttershy’s house to see Curry. She was now finding it was a whole lot easier to write down things like, Spike would be likely to contaminate the experiment by interjecting falsehoods into the narrative and altering Curry’s expectations of her abilities in Equestria, then it was to say it to his face. Scrambling for a reason to keep him from coming that would not hurt his feelings worse than they already were, she did something she had not done the night before. Twilight considered why exactly she personally didn’t want Spike along. The little purple Unicorn suddenly had a very unpleasant epiphany. ‟Oh,” she exclaimed in dismay, a look of shame appearing on her face. ‟I am so sorry, Spike. I’ve been an awful friend.” Spike, who had been about to resort to the devastating tactic of Sad-Dragon-Eyes, blinked instead and said, ‟Say what?” ‟The truth is, I was jealous,” Twilight confessed. ‟When I went to see Jake yesterday, I found out that Big McIntosh was helping Jake acclimatize far better than I ever could.” ‟Wait. Hold the ponies. Big Mac? Are we talking about the same pony? Big, red, hardly ever talks?” ‟Yes. Jake adores him. It left me feeling useless, just like the day we found Curry and Jake at the Castle. When Curry started crying, Fluttershy knew exactly what to do, and I was left standing there useless. And then Curry went to stay with Fluttershy, and Jake went to Sweet Apple Acres. I know those were the best choices given the situation, but it made me feel left out. I was so sure that Applejack would need my help desperately when I rushed over there yesterday, and she didn’t, not at all.” Twilight gave a sigh and finally managed to look Spike in the eye. ‟I’m afraid that it will be the same with Curry. I’m sure Fluttershy is doing a fantastic job with her, but I had hoped I’d be able to help her on an intellectual level. The truth is, you were right. Jake and Curry are incredible discoveries. And I didn’t even believe in humans before we met them. But, you did. You got on so much better with Curry than I did. Truthfully, I think I scared her a little. I was jealous of you. That was wrong of me. I’m sorry. Will you forgive me?” ‟Bah! Forget it. It was just you being you. Big sisters are always a pain in the butt to little brothers. As long as we’re cool now.” ‟Of course we are,” Twilight said happily as she enveloped Spike in a big hug. ‟Hey, stop. No mushy stuff in public. I got a reputation to maintain,” Spike protested, but he made no real effort to break free of Twilight’s embrace. A few minutes later Twilight was trotting toward Fluttershy’s home, Spike perched on her back. ‟So, what are your plans to help Curry cope with Equestria once the quarantine is lifted?” Spike asked. ‟Well, I thought I’d help Curry cram for as many days as we have to get her ready for her first day in school. She has to stay hidden for now, so she’ll likely be happy for the distraction.” Behind Twilight, Spike’s expression shifted to one of alarm. ‟Are you sure about this, Twilight?” he asked tentatively. ‟Of course, what filly wouldn’t love spending hours learning about a brand new culture she didn’t even know existed till a couple of days ago?” *** A couple of miles away, Curry gave a sudden shiver. She hunched her shoulders and looked around a bit frantically. She hadn’t felt anything like this since the last week of August. She’d known then what dire fate was heading her way, but what could be causing this sudden dread here and now? *** (1) Ever since the great T.P. disaster, housekeeping had ensured that there was always an unused roll of paper in Luna’s personal bathroom. They were not taking any chances. The princess had already assigned one royal guard to a penguin counting station, and she might decide the research facility was in need of a maid as well. (2)The housekeeping staff was not entirely sure what would happen if the general population found out about this secret stash of supplies, but there were dark murmurs of wild parties and indiscriminate, unauthorized usage. (3)Pumpernickel did not bother to mention Princess Celestia as an exception. While the guard did love their formality and following the rules to the letter, they were neither prone to stupidity or suicide, most of the time. (4)Pumpernickel’s willingness to forgive and forget was helped along to a great extent by the fact that Goose had come to herself just in time to pull the kick she had been directing toward his stallionhood.