//------------------------------// // Chapter 6: Crazy Little Thing Called Ed // Story: Ed-ventures in Equestria // by Gallant Tempest //------------------------------// She stared at the individual that stood before her with a determined look of appraisal, eyeing every inch of it's being with unrelenting scrutiny. She noticed something curious atop its head, something that caught her eye – and at once, she reviled that such a thing existed there to draw her attention. It was an absolute disgrace to everything she stood for, yet something so understated that anyone else would have simply overlooked it. Not her, however. Frowning slightly, Rarity lifted her manebrush into the air with her magic and levitated it over to her mane, carefully using it to brush an out-of-place strand of hair she had spied in the mirror. Placing the brush back atop the cabinet, she turned to face the mirror once more and gave herself another swift once-over, this time seemingly satisfied with her outward appearance. Before she could continue, however, her visual self-evaluation was abruptly cut short by the chime of the entrance doorbell echoing up from the floor below. “Just one moment, and I'll be right with you!” she called downstairs. She turned to face the doorway and gave a curious glance towards the clock that rested above it. Noting the time, she raised her eyebrows slightly with mild surprise. “Hmm...I must admit, I wasn't expecting him to arrive quite so early,” she remarked, though she smiled softly as she continued, “Then again, I suppose I should commend him on his punctuality.” Rarity trotted over to the door, exiting her bedroom and swiftly making her way downstairs. As she reached the bottom of the stairs, she noticed Ed standing near the building’s main entrance, an idle expression on his face as he curiously regarded a nearby mannequin. Rarity let out a polite cough, quickly garnering Ed’s attention as he turned to her with a lopsided grin. “Oh! Pardon me, miss,” he remarked. He then gestured as though to lift an invisible top hat from atop his head, adding “Just call me ‘Charmin Marvin’!” Rarity placed a hoof to her mouth and stifled a small giggle, commenting “It’s good to see you too, Ed. I must say, you’re here rather early. Any particular reason why?” Ed tapped his chin in thought, before replying “I sleep-walked this morning and ate some food from the Cakes’ fridge while I was asleep. The Cakes woke up and got pretty mad at me when they found out, so they kicked me out of the bakery for the day. So, I thought I’d come here early.” Rarity seemed a bit taken aback by this, “That seems like something of an over-reaction to me. Why would they kick you out of the bakery just for that alone?” Ed nervously looked down at the ground and kicked it softly as he admitted, “I, uh…I kinda emptied the whole fridge,” he paused and then added, “And ate everything in the pantry, too.” Rarity quickly garnered a look of worried understanding, “Ah…I see. I suppose that is a rather, er…unfortunate way to start the day for all involved.” There was an awkward silence between the two for a few brief moments following Ed’s unsettling revelation. Eventually, Rarity cleared her throat and spoke aloud. “…in any case, what say we begin working on your new outfit now, yes?” Ed looked back up at Rarity as his expression quickly switched to one of delight, and he hastily made his way onto the nearby platform that was surrounded by a trio of mirrors. Rarity briskly trotted over to a nearby drawer, opening it with her magic and levitating out a piece of measuring tape. Closing the drawer, she made her way over to Ed and unfurled the tape as she began taking a measurement of his torso. “Cool! What’s this for?” Ed remarked with inquisitive interest. Rarity smiled at this, narrowing her eyes in concentration as she explained, “I’m going to need to take a few measurements first before we can start designing your outfit, seeing as it’s going to be tailored specifically to fit you…not to mention that I’ve never designed an outfit for a member of your species before. Oh, could you lift your arms for a few moments, please? I’ll need to take a horizontal measurement as well.” Ed complied immediately, lifting his arms so that they were outstretched horizontally at his sides. Rarity levitated the measuring tape over to his arms and started to take the required measurements, but abruptly ceased as she daintily sniffed the air. Her pupils dilated in an instant, and she immediately clamped a hoof over her muzzle to barricade her nostrils from the relentless assault they had been unexpectedly placed under. “Oh, my Celestia! That…that stench! It’s…it’s…” Rarity gagged, shuddering as she mentally tried to determine what, if anything, the sudden nasal onslaught could be compared to. Glancing up to face Ed, Rarity took in a deep breath and said, “Ed…I apologise if this sounds a tad rude, but when was the last time you bathed yourself?” Ed lifted his head and stared at the wall on the other side of the room with an absentminded expression. He began to perform a variety of richly complex mental calculations, desperately trying to determine just how long it had been since he had last bathed himself; after attempting this for a good minute or so, he eventually conceded the task as impossible to complete, and he turned back to Rarity with a blank look on his face. “Uh…I forget.” Rarity sighed and shook her head, before turning to face Ed with a faint scowl. “Well, this simply will not do at all. Ed, I implore you…please go and wash yourself this instant, ensuring that you make proper use of the soap and other toiletries in the washroom as you do s-” “SOAP!” Ed screamed, recoiling and taking a precautionary step backwards as he fearfully bellowed the word. Rarity gave him a puzzled look, “Er…yes, soap. Is there something wrong with that?” “Soap is bad for Ed! It’s evil! Foul! Cruel! A…a detestable detergent of slippery, sudsy doom!” he yelled, protectively waving his arms in front of his body as though to shield himself from the mere concept of the thing. Rarity continued to stare at him quizzically, mentally querying how one could possibly consider soap and detergent to be one and the same. Shaking her head, she sighed and stared back at him with a stern look. “You can’t possibly be serious, Ed! You need to wash and clean yourself on a regular basis, or else you’ll find yourself covered in a wide menagerie of filth and germs,” she stopped for a moment, before shuddering and mumbling to herself “Not to mention the rather pungent odour you’ve acquired…” Ed frowned and folded his arms, closing his eyes as he turned his head away indignantly, “Nuh-uh, no way! Soap and me are not to be!” “But…but Ed!” He grunted and said nothing. “…Ed?” Still he remained silent. “Edward.” His eyes shot open, and he glanced at Rarity with a terrified expression. His lower lip quivered almost imperceptibly, yet he still remained steadfast in his resolve for several moments more. Eventually he sighed and hunched over as he bore a defeated look on his face. “Okay. I’ll go wash…” he muttered sadly. Ed climbed down from the platform, and Rarity immediately felt a pang of guilt upon seeing the crestfallen expression on his face. Gritting her teeth, she sighed and gave Ed a sympathetic look. “Alright…perhaps you don’t have to use soap, if you really don’t want to…” she said, mentally screaming at herself for even daring to say such a thing. Ed suddenly turned back to her with a hopeful look, but she continued before he could say anything. “However…I do insist that you at least give yourself a decent wash later today, even if there is to be no soap involved.” Ed nodded and grinned, “I can do that, no problem!” Rarity smiled in return, “Excellent! Now, if you’ll follow me, we can set about designing your new outfit.” Rarity trotted over to the staircase and began ascending the stairs, Ed lightly chuckling as he followed close behind. Once they reached the top of the stairs, Rarity trotted over to a nearby door and nudged it open with her hoof, then entered the room herself. Ed made his way in shortly after, and his eyes widened in awe as he gazed upon the contents of the room. Before him was a moderately-sized room with an arched ceiling and a brown chequered floor, the walls adorned with small lavender columns that rested between each of the room’s windows. A medium-sized bed rested near one of the walls, and a table with a sewing machine sitting atop it was placed close to the room’s entrance. The room was filled with all sorts of accoutrements, with various different types of fabrics scattered nigh everywhere without rhyme or reason and an array of hastily-sketched dress designs pinned up in several locations around the room. “Whoa, cool! What is this place?” Ed asked, fervently glancing around in excited wonder. “This is what I like to call my ‘Inspiration Room’,” replied Rarity as she made her way over to a nearby cabinet, “It’s where I both design and create the majority of my work, and generally my go-to place when I’m either seeking inspiration or feeling particularly inspired when designing an outfit. It also happens to be where I store the majority of my work supplies.” She opened the drawer with her magic and levitated out a pencil and paper, placing them both down onto the cabinet before closing the drawer again. Staring thoughtfully at the paper for a moment, she levitated the pencil into the air and began to twirl it in consideration, humming quietly to herself as she did so. Ed quickly made his way over to her side, and she turned to face him expectantly. “Now, then,” she began, “I’m going to need a bit of help here designing your outfit. You see, while I could create something generic to fit your figure with relative ease, I feel as though you would likely prefer something that feels a bit more personalised. Would that be correct?” Ed nodded, glancing over at the sheet of paper with great intrigue. Smiling, Rarity continued, “Indeed. That is why I require your assistance in regards to the design; knowing of any interests or hobbies you enjoy partaking in will allow me to create something that blends with your own unique personality, giving the outfit that extra degree of individuality. So, with that in mind…what interests do you happen to enjoy in your spare time, Ed?” He continued to stare at the paper for several moments more, rubbing his hand against his chin as he squinted thoughtfully, “Well, I like to watch monster movies sometimes, and read comic books, and-” Suddenly he turned back to face Rarity, his expression one of childlike delight. “Ooh, I know!” he exclaimed, leaping back a few feet as he raised his arms in the air in a zombie-like fashion. “Have you ever read the issue of ‘Decaying Corpses from Planet X’ where they discover an abandoned laboratory containing an irradiated toaster? In it, the monster charges around the city without control, letting out a booming outcry of rage as he gores his victims to death...like this!” Rarity’s eyes widened in horror as Ed suddenly made his way around the room, erratically grabbing different pieces of fabric and hurling them to and fro. Every so often he would let out a strange and disorienting cry of fury, and the entire time he moved in a manner akin to that of those infamous shambling corpses. Rarity watched this display go on for a short while, before shaking her head as another one of Ed’s overenthusiastic imitation-roars quickly snapped her from her stupefied trance. She clenched her teeth and, with a great deal of effort, lifted Ed into the air with her magic before levitating him over to her side. Placing him down on the ground again, she panted with exertion as the shimmering light from her horn faded, before standing to full attention and giving Ed a scathing look. Ed just looked at her awkwardly, eventually giving her a sheepish grin and looking down at his feet in embarrassment. “…oops. Sorry,” he mumbled. Rarity simply stared at him for a few moments, before turning her head and gazing out at the utter mess her inspiration room had become – or rather, the different mess to that which it had been mere minutes ago. Her eye began twitching in frustration as she slowly turned back to Ed. She was just about ready to give him an infuriated scolding when she suddenly halted and gave the room another once-over. At once her eyes widened, and she quickly turned back to the piece of paper on the desk with an excited gasp as she levitated the pencil into the air and began rapidly sketching out an idea for an outfit design. “IDEA!” she squealed delightedly, “Oh, this is perfect! You've just given me a wonderful idea for your outfit, Ed, and I know you’re just going to love it!” Ed looked at her in a dumbfounded manner and scratched his head, “Wait…so you’re not mad?” Rarity chuckled as she sketched with great zeal, replying “Well, I must admit I was a bit perturbed at first…but what you did ultimately provided me with the flash of inspiration I needed to design your outfit, so I suppose it all balances itself out in the end,” she paused for a moment, glaring at him and adding “Though I would kindly ask that you refrain from doing something like that again.” She then turned back to the paper and continued sketching. Several seconds of frantic scribbling later and Rarity had completed her sketch. She enveloped the paper in a magical aura and lifted up to her face, giving the outline a quick visual analysis before levitating it so that Ed could see. “There! Now, what do you think?” Ed simply stared at the design presented before him, his jaw hung open in awe as he tried to imagine what the completed piece would look like. After several seconds of reverent silence, he finally remembered to give her his opinion. “Awesome…” he murmured softly. Rarity smiled and placed the sketch back onto the cabinet, “I’m glad you like it. Now…while I already have the materials required to make your outfit, it’s going to take me some time to actually put it together. So, you’ll have to find some way to amuse yourself in the meantime.” She raised her hoof to her chin as she pondered this for a moment, before Ed suddenly interrupted her train of thought. “Ooh! Can I watch you make it?” he said excitedly. She gave him a cautious look, then smiled and said, “Well, I don’t see why not. I don’t normally have clients watching me put together their ensembles, but there’s a first time for everything. Why don’t you take a seat over there” – she pointed to a nearby wooden stool with her hoof – “and I’ll get started on your outfit, hmm?” Ed grinned and nodded, then hastily made his way over to the stool and sat down. Rarity levitated the sketch back into the air and trotted over to one of her mannequins. She carefully levitated the piece of fabric draped over it with her magic, before making her way over to the sewing machine by the room’s entrance. “You know, it’s rather funny, in a way,” she remarked as she glanced around the room, “My younger sister Sweetie Belle once did something similar to what you did, making a rather large mess of this room. Well…actually, she cleaned it up instead of making it into an even larger mess than it was before, but you get my point.” Ed piped up at this, “You have a little sister?” Rarity nodded as she reached the sewing machine, levitating the fabric onto the feed before placing the sketch down onto the table by the machine’s side. She tapped the power button of the machine with her hoof, and then gently began feeding the fabric along the needle. “Why, yes. Her name is Sweetie Belle. She can be a bit of a hoof-full at times, I will admit, but I do enjoy getting to spend time with her when I can,” she said, smiling. Ed grinned and said, “Cool! I have a baby sister, too! Her name is Sarah, and we do all sorts of fun things together, like, um, uh…” he tapped his chin thoughtfully, before beaming proudly and continuing, “We eat breakfast together sometimes! And we, uh…we…um…” Ed slowly trailed off as his expression twisted into one of discomfort, and he began rubbing his hand against his other arm as he nervously turned his head away. Rarity continued to feed the fabric through the machine for several seconds longer, suddenly stopping when she noticed Ed’s lack of commentary. She turned around and saw his uneasy demeanour, and her brow furrowed in concern. “…Ed? Is something the matter?” asked Rarity. Ed gave her a troubled look but smiled faintly, then quickly looked away again. Rarity continued to frown slightly as she trotted up to him, and she looked him over with apprehension. “Ed…if there’s something that’s bothering you, then you can tell me what it is. I mean, I shan’t pry if you really don’t want me to, but if there’s something that you feel you want to get off your chest…then I’m willing to share the burden with you.” Ed looked at her and saw her concerned expression. Sighing, he allowed his arms to droop by his sides as he gave her a look of anguish. “…I miss my baby sister Sarah. Me, Eddy and Double D…we’ve been stuck here for the last couple days and I haven’t been able to see her. I’m starting to miss her, and, uh…I’m kind of worried about her. I mean, I’m her big brother, and big brothers are supposed to take care of their baby sisters, but I can’t do that if I’m stuck here, and what if she’s scared or hurt because I can’t protect her and make sure she’s okay, and what if something bad happens to her because I wasn’t there to look after her, and…and…” Ed explained, growing more and more distraught as he went on until he was on the verge of tears. Rarity simply stared at him sadly for a few moments as she watched him progressively grow more upset, before taking a step forward and gently placing her hoof reassuringly on his shoulder. Ed paused in surprise for a moment, and then suddenly wrapped Rarity into a tight hug. Rarity wheezed in shock at first, momentarily hesitating before eventually returning the hug, forcing herself to ignore his pungent body odour all the while. After a few moments, Rarity took a step back and gave Ed a sympathetic look as she said, “I understand how you feel, Ed. If I was in your situation, I would probably be feeling the same way about my sister Sweetie Belle. However…I’m assuming you and Sarah live with your parents, do you not?” Ed sniffed and nodded, wiping his nose against his jacket sleeve. “Indeed. At this moment in time, Sweetie Belle is currently staying with my parents at their house. Although she isn’t with me at this current moment, I’m assured of her safety because I know that my parents are just as capable of looking after her as I am, if not more so. That being the case, you shouldn’t fear as to whether or not something bad will happen to Sarah, as I’m certain that your parents are taking care of her and making sure that she comes to no harm in the same way that you would. She will be just fine until you get back to your own world…an event which I’m sure will come to pass soon.” Ed stared blankly at her for a few moments, before breaking out into an appreciative grin. “…thanks, Rarity. That…that really helps,” he said. Rarity smiled and nodded, “It’s no problem at all, darling. Now, then…” she tilted her head towards the sewing machine, “Should we return to making your outfit?” Ed nodded vigorously, murmuring a faint “uh-huh”. Rarity nodded in return and made her way over to the sewing machine, then resumed her work. Time passed relatively quickly after that, and as the hours flew by Ed watched Rarity with rapt attention, fascinated by the skill with which she performed her craft. On the odd occasion he would query her on a certain aspect of her work, and each time she would gladly explain the finer points of tailoring and fashion design. Soon the outfit was complete, and Rarity took a step back as she levitated it so that it hovered a short distance from Ed. “There we are, my dear! Your new ensemble is complete!” she exclaimed. Ed simply gaped as he looked at the outfit that floated before him, his eyes wide with wonderment. “Now, if you would be so kind as to try it on, I would be most grateful. As I said earlier, I’ve never really designed something for a member of your species before, so I’d just like to double-check and make sure that I got the measurements right. Is that okay with you?” Ed nodded slowly, his mouth still agape with admiration. Eventually he snapped from his astonished stupor and blushed faintly, before taking the clothes from Rarity and hastily making his way behind the dressing screen on the opposite side of the room. Rarity smiled and shook her head, turning away as she started to tidy away some of the materials she had used. She had scarcely begun, however, when Ed called back out to her. “Okay, I’m ready!” Rarity turned to face Ed as he stepped out from behind the screen, and she froze as she witnessed him garbed in her newest creation. She stammered momentarily as she tried to form a coherent sentence, then her jaw fell slack in amazement as she wordlessly levitated the nearby full-body mirror over to Ed so he could see. Ed’s eyebrows lifted in surprise, and he looked himself over in awe as he took in the sight of himself wearing his new outfit. He slowly worked his jaw as his mind attempted to find the words to describe what he saw, with it ultimately deciding that there was only one statement sufficient to summarise the sheer magnificence of what he saw before him. “Whoa, cool!” The sun descended behind the landscape of the horizon, basking the town of Ponyville in a soothing orange glow as yet another day brought itself to a close. Rarity and Ed were slowly making their way towards the Golden Oaks Library, with the latter now dressed in his usual attire once more. Though he had admired how he appeared in his new outfit, Ed’s attachment to the garments he had grown so accustomed to over the years ultimately proved too strong for him to abandon them entirely, and he had thus opted to continue wearing his old clothes instead. He’d also found fault with how the new outfit seemed to lack pockets, and therefore deprived him of a place to keep Sheldon Junior throughout the day – an aspect of the design that Rarity had secretly hoped he would fail to notice. As they approached the library, they heard what sounded like laughter echoing from within its walls. Sharing a confused look, they made their way over to the door and entered the library. Their eyes widened as they made their way into the room and witnessed Double D sitting in the reading chair of the library; he bore several scrapes along his arm and an ice pack rested atop his ski hat, the latter object held carefully in place by his hand. The source of the laughter was none other than Eddy, who stood by the armchair’s side and was beside himself with amusement. “Oh, man, Sockhead!” he chuckled, “That was just…priceless! I mean, the way you just…it was…” He broke out into riotous laughter again as he hunched over and placed his hands on his knees, while Double D rolled his eyes in disdain. “Ha, ha, ha...yes, Eddy. This all so very amusing, isn’t it?” he grumbled, wincing as a sharp jolt of pain coursed through his head. Eddy wiped a tear of laughter from his eye and turned to face Double D. He opened his mouth as though to respond, before sniggering and then suddenly breaking out into hearty laughter once more. Double D simply sighed and groaned, turning his gaze towards the doorway. Noticing Ed and Rarity, he smiled and raised his free arm in a gesture of acknowledgement. “Ah, there you two are! I didn’t hear you come in. Tell me, how were things today?” he said. He paused in confusion for a moment, before frowning as he continued “Wait a moment…why isn’t Ed wearing his new outfit? What happened?” Rarity dramatically placed a hoof against her head and wailed, “The world…nay, the entirety of creation…is not prepared for such levels of fabulosity!” Ed gave them a sheepish look and added, “Plus, I kinda liked my old clothes better.” Double D nodded, wincing as the action caused him another jolt of pain, “Ouch! Fair enough, I suppose. Though I do feel it’s a shame to let a new outfit go to waste like that…” Dropping her hoof to the ground, Rarity looked over at Double D with concern, “But enough about us, dear. Whatever happened to you? You look absolutely dreadful!” Double D opened his mouth to respond, but a scratchy, feminine voice cut him off. “Uh, yeah…that’s probably sorta my fault.” They all turned to see a cerulean pegasus with a brightly-coloured rainbow mane and tail trot out of the kitchen, followed shortly by Twilight Sparkle. The former wore an embarrassed grin, while the latter was giving the pegasus a look of mild annoyance. “Rainbow Dash? What are you doing here?” Rarity said, clearly taken aback. “Well, it’s, uh…kind of a long story…” the pegasus admitted, turning away and bashfully rubbing one foreleg against the other. “Yes, indeed. Though it is quite the interesting yarn, to be sure…” Double D remarked. He flinched as yet another jolt of pain pierced his cranium. “Cool, a story? Do tell, Double D!” Ed yelled gleefully, running over to Double D and clasping his hands together in excitement. Double D scanned the room and saw the faces of those around him, each one expressing varying levels of anticipation. Double D hesitated for a moment, then sighed and chuckled to himself mirthfully. “Oh, all right, then. As previously mentioned, however, it is quite a long-winded story...so I would recommend that you all get comfortable.” They all gathered around the armchair and sat down, while Double D gently scratched his chin in contemplation. “Now, let’s see here…our tale begins earlier today, right here in this very library. It was just after breakfast, and I had been aiding Twilight in locating a certain book she required for her latest essay…”