“Friendship is Magic, motherbucker?”
“Alright smartass, what would you have said?”
Ramirez thought for a while on that, his eyebrows furrowing. Finally, he shrugged.
“Uh-huh, that’s what I thought,” Uris said confidently. “I guess you SEALs just don’t have the same level of awesomeness as us pilots.”
Ramirez wound back, readying a playful little blow to the pilot’s shoulder when the ponies did it for him. The door whipped open, nailing Uris in the face and sending him sprawling over the ground. Ramirez instantly burst out laughing, almost not hearing Twilight as she landed at his feet. “Guys!” She gasped, her friends galloping past behind her. “We’ve got shit to do!”
“Save the world shit?” Ramirez asked, still grinning wildly.
“Yes, c’mon!” She grabbed him by the sleeve and tugged him away as Fluttershy set to work reviving Uris.
“Um…excuse me…” the little yellow pegasus whispered as he groaned, his head spinning. “I…I’m terribly sorry, Mr. Uris. I know you must be very tired but right now we have to…”
“Don’t worry; I got this, Fluttershy!” Pinkie said, hopping up to Uris’s head, whipping out her tuba and blasting him in the ears with one of her now-trademarked C-Flats. The pilot bolted up, groaning, as Fluttershy gently tugged him to his feet.
“Where in the hell are we going?” He mumbled.
“To the nearest rally point,” his father replied, striding out of the store. “There, you and Private Ramirez are to procure the nearest vehicle and aid our allies in locating each of the ‘Elements of Harmony,’ at which point you are to return to the front post-haste.”
“Oy, yes sir,” Uris started, saluting weakly. Vance nodded and watched his son gallop off with the rest of the ponies.
“Think they’ll find the Elements in time?” Parker asked as he walked outside to join him.
“I know they will,” Celestia replied as she and her sister landed by their sides. “We just need to have faith.”
“And prepare our defenses,” Miller added cynically as he walked out behind her. “The enemy’ll be here any second…”
He was interrupted by a low whistle, slowly climbing in pitch and volume. Instinctively, he dove to the ground, his comrades joining him and sheltering their necks while a magical barrier appeared around them. A massive explosion struck the clock tower in the heart of town, shattering it with a massive, heart-wrenching clang. Rubble rained down all around the humans and the Alicorns, chunks of brick and mortar embedding itself in the cobblestone street. Vance leapt to his feet and surveyed the damage. “A preparatory artillery bombardment,” he grimaced. “They moved faster than I could’ve guessed.”
“Sir?” Parker asked as he pushed himself off the ground. “What do we do now?”
It took the Captain a split-second to shift to tactical mode, but the moment he did, his voice rose above the rising din of the bombardment loud and clear: “Parker! Get to the MASH unit and begin evacuation procedures! I want every single casualty outside of the city and out of range of those guns in twenty! Once that’s done, meet us at North Point Alpha!”
“Yes, sir!” The Lieutenant screamed before taking off for the square.
“Miller!” The Captain turned to the SEAL just as another artillery shell hit on the outskirts of town, the ground rumbling beneath their feet from the impact. “Gather every one of your men and scrap together any supplies you can carry. Rally them at North Point Charlie in five minutes, go!”
“Sir!” Miller saluted quickly before dashing off.
“Princesses, you know what to do! If this ‘Mars’ bastard can go toe-to-toe with Swarm, all the ammo in the world won’t help our boys on the ground! We’re depending on you and the brothers to take him out!”
“At once,” Celestia and Luna gasped, taking off into the night sky. They were swiftly followed by a pair of blips lifting away from the rear of the store, one of which Vance could’ve sworn paused and saluted him before joining them. Shrugging the strange sight off, Vance took off for his Marines’ encampment just outside the town square. It was going to be one helluva night.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Another whistle entered the air. “Down!” Uris screamed, and immediately everypony threw themselves on the ground. Another deep rumble emanated through the cobblestone: that time, the impact had been far off.
“Back up!” Ramirez yelled, and instantly the ponies sprang back to their hooves.
“I say, how much further must we go?” Rarity moaned as they continued running. “I’m not entirely sure my nerves can take much more of those horrible whistles.”
“And why d’we need another Humvee, anyway?” Dash moped, sailing alongside everyone else. “They didn’t seem all that fast to me.”
“That was just when we were part of a convoy,” Uris said, grinning wildly as he strained to keep up. “You didn’t see one in overdrive!”
Another whistle drifted into the air. “Down!” Uris barked, and once again everyone ate dirt, hooves shielding their heads, as they’d been told.
“And up,” Ramirez sighed, sprinting alongside Uris. “Man, is it just me, or are those impacts getting more frequent?”
“Their artillery batteries are still setting up,” Uris grimaced. “We’re just getting a few batteries’ worth right now, but pretty soon, we could be lookin’ at a full on…”
The air filled with a whole mess of whistles, a series of explosions rumbling off in the distance.
“Aw, SHIT! BOMBARDMENT! KEEP MOVING!” He screamed, pouring all his remaining strength into his legs. The foot and hoofsteps echoed through the streets, only drowned out by the nearly-constant whistles and deep rumbles of impacts far off. Fluttershy suddenly stopped just ahead of the men, frozen in place with her back quivering in fear.
“Dammit all, girl,” Uris yelled, scooping her up without missing a step. “What’s with you?”
“I can’t,” she sobbed. “This is too much! We’re all gonna get hurt and…”
“Remember back in the Everfree Forest!?” He interrupted.
She looked up at him and nodded, her eyes wide.
“You came back for me! You could’ve just kept running, but…”
“No, that was my friends,” she said, staring at the ground shamefully. “Rainbow Dash was the one who realized you weren’t behind us, and even then, my friends had to talk me into giving you help.”
He looked at her in shock, but kept running. “Well, what did they say that convinced you!?”
“They-they reminded me that you were a creature in my care, and that you were in trouble. They-they knew I couldn’t…”
“Well, I’m in trouble now! We all are! I need your help again, just like back in the forest! Okay?” He summoned his best, most pleading tone: “Please, Fluttershy?”
Her eyes widened even further, pupils dilating in realization. “Mr. Uris, put me down!” She said in an unusually aggressive tone. He didn’t have to be told twice: he released her on the ground and she poured herself into a full gallop to catch up with her friends, allowing the humans to bring up the rear.
“Man, for a buncha little ponies, they can get heavy,” Uris moaned, shaking out his fingers as he ran.
“You should try carrying one while under heavy fire,” Ramirez grinned, and as he spoke, another series of whistles echoed through the sky.
“I think I’m about to!” Uris yelled, a shell impacting the apartment building just to their left, raining rubble down onto their heads. A purple hue surrounded the rubble, keeping it suspended until the group had run past before allowing it to crash to the ground behind them. “Thanks, Twilight!”
“Thank me when we’re at the rally point, and in one piece!” She shouted back, just as a massive chunk of brick and mortar landed in the street ahead of them. Without missing a beat, Applejack slid forward, twisted her body around in the perfect bucking position, letting loose with a mighty buck that pulverized the chunk, allowing everyone else to dash right through. All the while, Rainbow Dash seemed to be having the time of her life just over their heads, making an obstacle course out of the falling wood, brick and mortar.
“It’s like somebody built a level-9000 course for the Junior Speedsters!” She screamed in delight, barrel-rolling around a flying plank.
Just up ahead, the familiar, low-whistle sounded, and once again Twilight’s horn glowed with power. Sweat dripped off her brow as a little purple hue appeared in the skies above. “Aw, no way,” Ramirez gasped as another shell appeared out of the sky, its descent slowed to a crawl.
“Keep moving! I don’t know how long I can hold it!” The little unicorn screamed, sweat dripping off her forehead. Somehow, despite the fact that his legs were screaming in pain and his foot felt like it was about to snap off at his injured ankle, Uris managed to find a little burst of speed somewhere within his body and pour it on. He practically felt the wind off the shell as it sailed over his head in a long, elevated arch before blasting a crater in the street behind them. Almost immediately, a shiver travelled up Pinkie’s spine and he watched her shove Rarity out of the way of a brick flung by the explosion.
“Thank you, Pinkie sense!” The little earth pony said as she skipped alongside everypony else.
“This is insane!” Uris screamed. “They must have a whole damned company of artillery zeroed in on us!”
“Not us! Just the village! They’re firing blindly into the village, trying to freak us out!”
The moment Ramirez stopped talking, the small mom-and-pop store just ahead exploded with an earth-shattering thump, spraying shrapnel and broken glass everywhere. A magical shield managed to deflect the vast majority of it, though just barely: a massive two-by-four still shot over their heads, coming so close to Uris’s scalp that it sheared some of the hair off the back of his head. “IT’S WORKIIINNNGGG!” He cried, his body so filled with fear and adrenaline that he didn’t even notice the pain from his ankle or his over-exhausted legs anymore.
“Quit yer bitchin’, we’re almost there!” Ramirez screamed. Just ahead, Uris could see the familiar olive-drab green of army camouflage.
“Oh, thank you heavenly father and Lord Jesus!” He yelled, and then he noticed the massive craters smoldering all around the tent. He slowed his pace a little and muttered, “Oh shit.”
“What’s wrong?”
“You see all those craters?” He asked, pointing at the blackened cobblestone all around them. “Does that look like somebody working on their aim, getting a little bit better each time?”
Ramirez scanned around wildly. “Aw, shit! They’re trying to hit the tent! They see the fucking army camo, and they’re shootin’ for it!”
“THEN QUIT YACKIN’ AND KEEP RUNNIN’! IF WE LOSE THAT HUMVEE, WE’RE SCREWED!” Rainbow Dash screeched, and for the first time that day, Uris had to agree with her.
“Shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshit…” He moaned as he pressed his body to the limit, practically soaring into the tent. Inside, soldiers ran around, hopping into vehicles and starting them up for the journey to the frontline. Just behind him, a Bradley APC roared to life and honked to get him out of the way, its truck horn blasting his eardrums out and drowning out the sound of another artillery impact in the streets just outside.
“There!” Ramirez gasped, pointing to a Humvee just about to pull out of the tent through the main exit. Immediately, the humans and the ponies ran out in front of it, their hands and hooves waving frantically.
“What the hell!?” The driver screamed as Uris limped up to his window. “I gotta get this thing to the frontlines, kid! There’s a fuckin’ war on!”
“Yeah, I do, buh-but…” Uris panted, out of breath.
“We’re here on official business from Captain Vance! It’s urgent!” Ramirez added desperately.
“Well,” the soldier glared at them. “I also have orders to get this Humvee to the front five minutes ago, and I can’t ignore those orders without a direct call from…”
“Will you cut the horseshit and give us the damned car already!?” Twilight barked in the driver’s face, pushing past the two humans. Dazed from being yelled at by a Technicolor unicorn, the driver slowly nodded and unlocked the door. “Thanks!” Ramirez added, pulling the driver out and piling in with Uris and Twilight, the rest of the Elements crowding into the back.
“PUNCH THAT SHIT!” Twilight shrieked, and out of instinct, Ramirez slammed the accelerator to the floor. Tires squealed on the dirt ground as just up ahead, right outside the tent, a building exploded from a direct hit, filling the street in front of them with flaming wood and shattered brick.
“Eh, fuck,” Ramirez grumbled as the tires gripped and the Humvee shot forward, heading right for the pile.
“What’re you doing!? Just go around!” Uris screamed.
“No time! We need to be moving now!” Ramirez yelled back, securing his seatbelt.
“Aw, shit! Buckle up, everypony!”
“Oh, this is gonna suck,” Rainbow mumbled, holding Fluttershy close as all six ponies buckled themselves in securely. The wall of rubble towered in their view, but Ramirez could already see the weak-point: a large pile of wood that might have once been a steeple, now a pile of flaming shards.
“Brace for impact!” Ramirez screamed. Next to him, Uris braced his arms against the sides of the Humvee, assuming the crash position that had been drilled endlessly into his mind in Basic. Behind him, the ponies held each other close, hoping and praying everything would turn out alright. The Humvee promptly smashed through the wood, tearing the flaming structure apart showering splinters and flickering embers around them as they rumbled along, the car’s only damage a busted headlight and dented hood.
“Fuck yeah! American engineering, right there! Right! Fucking! There!” Ramirez screamed, punctuating each word with a punch on the steering wheel.
“Oh thank you God,” Uris sighed, settling into his seat. A quick moment of relief washed over him before something dawned and stole it away. “Shit, y’know what?”
“What’s that?”
“We probably should’ve taken some ammo or somethin’ before we left the supply point.”
“Shit.”
“Alright, alright,” Uris leaned back and peeked at the six ponies huddled in the rear seat. “We gotta take an inventory of assets, and now!”
“Take a what-the-fuck? Man, do you fly-boys ever talk like normal people?” Ramirez grinned.
“Hey! Number one, fuck you, and number two, I’m just saying we gotta know what we got! So girls,” he turned back to the ponies. “You got anything back there with you?”
“Um…” Twilight looked around, eventually producing an M4 assault rifle, holding it clumsily in her hooves. “Does this help?”
“You bet your little purple ass it does!” He grinned, grabbing the weapon. “What else we got?”
“Just these round things!” Pinkie said gleefully, holding up a set of frag grenades.
“I found another of those things!” Rainbow said, another M4 in her hooves.
“Do these help?” Fluttershy asked, grabbing a few cartridges.
“I say, this looks a bit like your old weapon, doesn’t it?” Rarity said with another M1911 in her grip.
“Yes, yes, perfect!” Uris grabbed the gear and pulled it up with him. “We got some ‘nades, some rifles, a handgun…”
“Sweet,” Ramirez grinned. “Guess we’re not totally boned after all. Now, where’re we goin’?”
“I can tell you that,” Twilight said, hoofing the walkie talkie up to them. “Just grab on.”
“Okay,” Uris said, setting some of his weaponry down to take hold of the radio. “But who’m I calling to…”
Suddenly, he wasn’t in the Humvee anymore. He was hovering over a little farm, watching an older mare stare in shock at a shattered vase lying at the base of a window. After some time, a little filly walked in with a baseball bat in his hoof, looking guilty. The two talked for a little while, but eventually the mare nodded in understanding and patted the filly’s head.
And just as suddenly, Uris was back in the Humvee, gasping for air as if his head had been held underwater for the past few minutes. “…Uris! Man, what the hell!? You okay?” Ramirez screamed.
“Yeah, I...” the airman easily swallowed his bile, utilizing years of experience in the pilot’s seat to fight the sudden attack of motion sickness. “I’m fine. What happened?”
“You got all weird for a second there, like, your eyes glazed over and shit, like somebody in a trance!”
“What did you see!?” Twilight barked sternly.
“Wha…I don’t…”
“Whatever you saw is our clue to which Element is closest, now what did you see!?”
“I…” he swallowed again. “There was a kid horse…”
“Foal.”
“Whatever, one of those, and his ma or grandma or something. And…and it looked like he broke a vase, but I guess he fessed up to it, and the ma was okay with…”
“Honesty,” Applejack said flatly, tucking her mane into her hat and cracking the window. “Well girls, in case we don’t make it…”
Rainbow interrupted her with a jab to the shoulder. “Don’t even talk like that, alright? We’ll get through this just fine.”
“Uh…yeah, sure,” AJ said, cracking a smile so paper-thin that everypony could see through it almost instantly. “Ah just wanted y’all t’know it’s been incredible knowin’ y’all. See ya.” Waiting for Ramirez to slow down, she quickly cracked the Humvee’s door and tucked and rolled out, landing on her hooves with ease. She waved as the Humvee turned a corner and disappeared.
“One down, five t’go!” Ramirez sang as another bombardment landed nearby, the Humvee speeding through flying debris and rubble as the chaos of battle rumbled somewhere far-off.
“Great,” Uris grumbled.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mars strode to the summit of the small hill, poking up ever so slightly over the top of the Everfree Forest. “Yeah, this spot’ll do,” he mumbled as he clapped his hands and slammed them against the ground. Immediately, a tall, ornate oak chair decorated in the wooden emblems of kingdoms past creaked into existence from the dirt itself, shimmering with red lightning as Mars willed it into existence.
“A suitable throne from which to gaze upon the dawn of my empire,” he said confidently as he seated himself, one leg crossing over the other. As much as he hated his father, he had to say he loved the old man’s taste in movies. Especially the villains. They were just so perfectly camp; he couldn’t help but emulate them.
“A little bit of barbarian warlord,” he said, looking down over himself. “Campy, but classic. I love it! And for refreshments…”
A glass grew from his fingers, the stem and rim growing from below and above his fingers. A few more thoughts and the glass filled itself. “A nice chianti,” he smiled, preparing to raise the glass to his lips.
“{SIR!}” A frantic voice interrupted him once more. It took all of Mars’s strength not to swipe the kid’s head off.
With the glass still mere centimeters from his lips, he asked: “{Yes, Lieutenant, what is it?}”
“{It’s the enemy, sir: our artillery couldn’t paralyze their motor assets in time. They have located the beings known as the ‘Elements of Harmony’ and are now on their way to locating the jewels needed to unlock their full powers!}”
“Magic,” Mars grumbled beneath his breath, his grip on the glass tensing. “I hate magic.”
“{Sir?}”
“{Lieutenant, I believe now is the time to utilize an asset I had saved for just this occasion.}" He leaned back in his seat, a sinister grin spreading across his face. "{Inform command to unleash the Nega-Six immediately.}”