Disclaimer: I do not own My little pony or Dead like me. Please no sueing.
Everypony dies. I’m told I’m not supposed to argue, or question, or even understand. I’ve been told a lot these days, ever since my life here on Equestria was snuffed out by a falling chunk of rock ripped off of Luna’s moon and I joined the ranks of the undead. For over a year and a half now I have performed my duties as grim reaper of the quaint little town of Ponyville. My name is Shadow Memory. I take souls for a living.
In complete honesty, Reaping in Ponyville is a sweet gig, I meet up with my fellow reapers once at the first of the month, collect that months reaps, and head on home. A town like this doesn’t have very many deaths very often, just enough to warrant one Reaper to cover everything in town. With only 2 or 3 ponies dropping dead a month there’s plenty of time to fool around or participate in one of the celebrations that seems to happen every other day in this town. Right now everypony is running around preparing for the summer sun celebration, and I was preparing to reap another soul early into the event. Everything was going as usual, and if being undead for over a year has taught me anything, it’s that Death loves to shake things up now and then. After the events to come, my days of peaceful reaping in the countryside would be gone for good, and it would all start with just one Bucking mare and her pet dragon.
Shadow Memory opened the door to his cottage on the edge of Ponyville, his right hoof, covered in deep, dark blue fur like the night sky, rubbing a rough cut mane of pure ebony as the earth pony let out a terrific yawn before closing the door behind him. As he turned back to head into town, two things became noticeable. The first was a small yellow post-it note slightly sticking out of his saddlebags, the start of a word barely visible at the corner. The second was the young stallion’s cutie mark. It was a Picture frame of a heart, with a strange black cloak over it, and appearing to hold a scythe.
This is me. I’d apologize for not being more special, but I’ve never given a Buck about what other people think of me. As for my cutie mark? Well when a pony is drafted into the position of reaper, our cutie marks are upgraded with stylish black cloaks and scythes that only other reapers can see. It’s basically our new badge of office, and it does come with some neat tricks.
Shadow quickly walked through Ponyville, nodding occasionally at the odd pony that looked in his direction. Everywhere there were signs of the coming celebration, preparations being made all across town to celebrate the arrival of Princess Celestia, the ruler of Equestria and Alicorn of the sun, and one very good reason for Shadow to leave the party early.
Near the middle of town another pony started walking beside him. It was a female unicorn, with a dark brown coat and a mane as black as his. Her appearance caused Shadow to raise an eyebrow “What are you doing here Rosie?”
I may have asked that calmly, but in truth I was anything but. Rosie Crystalwind was a reaper like me, but one of the ones working in the Capital of Canterlot. She actually works as a member of the Royal guard, patrolling the city for troublemakers and criminals in addition to reaps. Name any tough pony you could think of, barring the princess of course, and Rosie could probably kick their flank. Which is why her being here in my small quiet little Ponyville really scares me to Death…….. Again.
“Why do you think I’m here Easy Street?” She asked, her mouth set in its almost permanent scowl, as she looked at the young undead stallion next to her.
‘To scare me back to life?’ “I don’t know” Shadow replied, eyeing the Unicorn mare nervously as he picked at his saddlebags, finally pulling out the post it note seen earlier on and holding it out as they walked together “All I know Is I have a Reap in 30 minutes and I have no intention of being late like Mason or Daisy are always chewed out for being” he said as he looked over again at the note in his hoof
C. Saddles
Ponyville, Ironmane Horseshoes
E.T.D 11:05 AM
Surprised? Yep, the call for the souls of mortal ponies comes on your average temp jobs bucking post-it notes. And don’t expect tremendous detail on them either. It will always be first initial, Last name, an address, and an E.T.D, which stands for estimated time of death. It would be insulting just how trivial it seems Reapers treat life if it weren’t for a few other things down the line.
Rosie nodded slightly as she checked her watch “10:25, pretty close there. You’re lucky this is such a small town Easy Street. And you still do the reap, I just have to stick with you so we can teleport to the meeting ground when Mr. or Mrs. Saddles finally crosses over.”
If you haven’t noticed, Rosie doesn’t like me much. More accurately, she doesn’t like the position I have much. Not a lot of people do, though most have gotten over it by now. Rosie feels that my position is a breeding ground for laziness, especially since Mason Brightwing, another reaper and Rosie’s biggest irritant during meetings, used to work this post until he was moved to Cloudsdale after I joined up.
You see a new Reaper inherits their position from the old one who reaped them in the first place, the infamous promotion. Then your orders are to follow around other reapers and get a handle on the jobs various duties and responsibilities, at least to a point where you can handle well enough on your own without being chaperoned around. Then you get it, your very first reap, and arguably your second most important one, next to your last of course. This reap not only nets you your very first soul, but also tells you where you’re going to be reaping for the rest of your afterlife. My very first? The husband of that sweet old mare up at Apple Acres, a J. Appleseed if I’m not mistaken. Bucked a tree to prove he could and a rotten branch fell right on his head. Real shame, was a nice old guy, and his family was pretty cool to, if you are into that whole farming thing.
Shadow shook off the memories of the past as he noticed where the pairs walk had taken him, right in front of Ironmane Horseshoes. Checking his watch, an older model than the shiny new ones the Royal guards got. He noticed the time read 11:04, causing him to sigh as he looked around for his target, already knowing who to look for.
Rosie may not like my post, but despite all of its perks it has one major downside, for me at least, anyway. You see in a small town like Ponyville, everypony knows everypony. It’s one of the reasons that Pinkie Pie always goes a little nuts when newcomers arrive (though some would argue she’s a little nuts anyway.). In any event, because I know almost everypony in this town, I always know my target almost as soon as I get my post-it. Bad news, I always know my target, sometimes personally. This could make reaping very uncomfortable, which is why I maintain it’s not the easy post Rosie believes it is, even with the off time.
The target today was one Chrome Saddles, middle aged stallion and assistant and husband to one Isabella Ironmane, the most muscled mare in all of Ponyville.
“And soon to be grieving widow” Shadow muttered as he spotted Chrome approaching, the older stallion a pale yellow with a messy brown mane and mustache, a unicorn horn poking out of the top. On his flanks were two crossed chrome I-Beams, marking his talent in construction and repair. Shadow approached him calmly, calling out as he did. “Hey Chromey! How’s work going?”
The old Unicorn smiled as the young earth pony approached and reached up with one hoof to clasp Shadow’s “All done for now! The Town hall has been completely checked and repaired for the Celebration. Now it’s up to Rarity to make it perfect for the Princess!”
“Great! Can’t wait to see it all spiffed up! Rarity never fails when it comes to decorations.” Shadow said, pulling his hoof away as he did. However, as his hoof moved over Chrome’s, a strange ethereal glow came over the hoof in question.
Chrome blinked for a moment, then smiled and nodded at the Reaper. “Well so long then!” He said as Shadow moved to go back to Rosie, who was waiting at the side of the store. “If I don’t let her know how the work went Isabella will tan my flank! Goodbye.” And turned to enter the store.
As Shadow made his way back to Rosie’s side he noticed movement over in the corner of his eye. There, sitting on the rooftop, eating a Popsicle it had probably stolen from a little filly, was a creature that could only be called monstrous. Covered in, what was it, scales? Fur? Flesh? Of a disgusting blending of different shades of grey, green, brown and white, the creature seemed to both horrify and amaze any who looked at it with its aggressive behavior and monkeylike form.
That’s a Graveling, Bucking troublemakers. They’re the ones who set the accidents in motion, who make things happen. If a rope comes undone and drops a piano or speaker on somepony, they’re the ones to blame. I don’t know if one was involved directly in the moon rock that killed me, but given how these creeps get around, I’m not going to rule it out just yet.
The Graveling smirked as it finished it’s popsicle, before tossing the stick down to stick out of the ground in front of the door to the shop Chrome was walking towards, before jumping off and landing on the signpost hanging above the street then hopping off and vanishing in a puff of smoke. As the pair of reapers watched, Chrome Saddles front right foreleg tripped slightly on the stick, causing him to fall forward and bang his head on the front door harshly, jarring the sign above, which then swung down on the poor Mr. Saddles, catching him behind his groggily raising head and putting back into, and through, the tough wooden door. As the surrounding ponies cried out and gathered around the deceased stallion with his head in the door, the two reaper’s turned to see Chrome Saddles, looking quite shocked at where his body was now currently trying to be moved from.
“Am I dead?” He asked quietly to the two standing in front of him.
Shadow nodded. “Yep.” He said impassively.
Chrome slumped sadly “I didn’t even get to say good morning to my wife today.”
Shadow sighed, this part of the job always sucked. Fortunately ponies tended to be very quick to think positively, so the sad phase never lasted long. “At least you were able to do one last good thing for the town before you died.” It really was the only thing Shadow could think of. Luckily, it seemed to work. Chrome brightened significantly at the mention of his day’s efforts.
“Yeah your right,” he said brightly “at least I got some good work done. Isabella will be proud.” As he said that a strange light seemed to erupt from the nearby alley. Even more strange was that no one else seemed to notice it, seemingly too concerned with the dead body in their midst.
Shadow briefly felt a pang of envy as the lights opened, turning into a glowing copy of Chrome’s wife Isabella, standing in a metalworkers shop. The dark blue pony turned to the tearing up stallion “well it looks like you’ve some good work to do where you’re going.”
Chrome barely nodded his head as he walked toward the light. “Yeah, I guess I do.” With that the construction pony stepped into the light, and in a flash, both were gone.
Shadow shook his head. “One year later and there are still so many questions I have unanswered.”
Rosie snorted as she moved next to him, giving off a clear view of her cutie mark, a sword crossed over a shield, covered by her own reaper cloak. “If you want to ask those kinds of questions, you’re going to have to wait in line behind the rest of us.” She remarked as her horn began to glow, preparing her magic for a group teleport.
Said teleport cut off whatever smart remark Shadow had been about to say as the two were whisked away in a flash of light from the alley. The two reappeared outside a small restaurant and hotel on the road between Canterlot and Ponyville, a large sign declaring it to be ‘Der Waffle Barne’
Welcome to Reaper central. Seriously. The Whole of Equestria’s Reaper task force is governed and managed by the ponies running this deceptive little pit stop for all those who can’t afford a lift. It’s run by the Reapers in the plague division, and some of those guys have been around since the days Princess Luna walked among us. They’ve got a lot of time on their hooves, so they run our meeting place.
The Reaper duo walked into the building, nodding to a pair of waiter stallions loitering near the entrance, and headed towards the booth section of the restaurant half. As Rosie headed straight towards a group of ponies, Shadow lagged behind, waving to a couple of fellow reapers he’d met in training; a grayish unicorn with a pink and purple mane and a cutie mark of a pie chart under a magnifying glass (covered by the reaper cloak and scythe), and a dark blue unicorn with a black mane wearing what looked like an artist’s hat with a feather hanging out of it, his cutie mark a book and art brush, also partially concealed by the symbols of reaperdom.
Those two are my friends Digibrony and BC. For those who notice that their names are more unusual than normal, even for Equestria, those are nicknames. Their real names are Digital Bronisetharus and Alphonse Ludwig Bronicurious (the third). See why they prefer their nicknames?
As the two walked through the booths, they slowly made their way to a booth already holding three ponies in it, two pegasi and a unicorn. The first Pegasus was a beautiful blonde maned pink furred mare, with a silver necklace, bright blue eyes, and her mane done up in a ponytail, a cutie mark of theater masks covered by her reaper sign. The second Pegasus was a deep brown colour in both fur and mane, with the mane slightly darker in shade. His deep green eyes looked very haggard, the reason for which was probably the block of salt sitting in front of him beside his meal, and his cutie mark, a bong overshadowed by his reaper cloak. Lastly, the Unicorn was a pale yellow with a short cut black mane with grey streaks in it. He also wore a red jacket and brown pants, which concealed his cutie mark.
Meet the crew. This motley crew of misfits is my group of reapers in the external influences division (murders, suicides, accidents, etc) for Ponyville, Cloudsdale, and Canterlot. The Blonde is Daisy, Daisy Darkwind. And yes, that is how she introduces herself. Daisy is a high flying fashion lover who worked as an actress and professional gold digger before dying in a fire on the set of some big name performance 70 or so years ago. She is a narcissistic whiner who actually lived with me for a bit before getting assigned to Cloudsdale.
The Drunk sitting next to her is Mason Brightwings. Mason Mason Mason. There really isn’t any easy way to describe him. He’s done almost everything harmful to the body and he’s still going strong after about 60 years of reaping. I don’t really know how he died, but we all agree it was probably a drug related death, considering what Mason ingests on a regular basis. He’s perpetually lazy and perverted, but has a soft spot for kids and an almost pathetic puppy love for Daisy. He also butts heads with Rosie almost every time they meet.
Lastly, there’s Rube. His full name is Ruby Shine, but everyone just calls him Rube. If there could ever be considered a paragon of reaping, Rube would probably be it. He’s a stickler for the rules, which means Daisy and Mason, and occasionally me, drive him crazy with our stunts and antics. Still, there’s no better pony to turn to when you’ve got a problem, and plenty of reapers know him, and are known by him, so I’m pretty sure he’s been in this business for a while now.
“Hey boss, Daisy, Buck-up.” Rosie stated as she and I sat down next to Rube, who nodded along with Daisy while Mason gave a rude gesture before returning to his waffles and hay.
“Hey guys” Shadow said quietly, still unsure as to why they were all gathered here.
Rube, seemingly unaware of Shadow’s discomfort, nonetheless jumped right in. “All right, now that the last of us have sauntered in, let’s get down to business. Word has come down from the top” he stopped as groans sounded from every other mouth at the table.
“Are you bloody kidding me?” Mason moaned out in disbelief.
“What do they want to yell at us for now?” Daisy huffed.
Rosie shook her head “This is some freeze dried bull plop Rube, we just got through dealing with that Manehatten Buck up they made last month!”
“Yeah! I still can’t look at mobile cabbage stands without going greener then the produce on sale!” Shadow said, looking a little sickly just thinking about it. The stand owner’s wail of “MY CABBAGES!” still haunted him whenever he remembered the incident.
Rube snorted “I know we’re all a little ticked at the top right now. But this is serious news that effects all of us” The old pony said. “Word has reached us that, at long last, the time has come for Nightmare Moon’s return.”
The noise stopped abruptly as the other four ponies stared at their boss in wide eyed terror, with Mason summing up the entire groups feelings. “Oh Buck me”