//------------------------------// // Sleepy-bye time // Story: Sonichu and the Autism that Pierced the Heavens // by Good Christian Ethesto //------------------------------// It was getting late in the evening as our group of intrepid protagonists made their way into Ponyville. The sunion shed the last rays of its glorious, life-giving light upon the ponies below as it slowly made its way behind the mountains on the horizon. Chris was all tuckered out from such a hectic day of performing verbs, and he was more than ready for some beauty sleep. God knows he needs it. The group received some confused stares from the Ponyvillians as they passed by, most of which were directed towards the two metaphorical elephants in the group. Thankfully, the locals were used to all kinds of crazy shit happening, so some disgusting aliens showing up hardly phased them. As they reached the center of town and the group was getting ready to part ways, they finally realized that they had an unresolved issue that had to be attended to. Twilight, at the front of the party, stopped, causing everyone else to bump into her voluptuous rear before coming to a halt. "Wait a second," she started, "who is Christian and Sonichu going to stay with?" "I have plenty of room at my place," stated Rainbow proudly. Like an amateur Minecraft house, the inside of her home was just a big open area with little in the way of decorations. She made it herself, after all, and she has the creativity of a dead cat. "Your house is made out of sky marshmallows," pointed out Twilight, completely blowing Rainbow's idea out of the water. Only birds could stand on sky marshmallows, and without even a single wing, Chris is a long way from being a bird like Rainbow Dash. "He can't stay at my house," explained Fluttershy in her default quiet voice. "I already have too many animals staying there. Animal control has already threatened to evict me..." "I am not an animal!" Squealed Chris with much virgin-rage. "I am a 'homo sapien', or a 'human' for short!" Naturally, Fluttershy shied away like the pathetic bitch that she is. She resolved to simply sneak away when no one was looking, rather than tempt the wrath of an angry autist. "My home is much too clean," explained Rarity. The others nodded understandingly. "Rurp. I'm a frog." "Yeah, nice excuse Applejack... NOT!" joked Rainbow Dash. Everybody laughed, and Applejack hung her head in shame as she walked away. "He can stay with m-" began Pinkie Pie, only to keel over holding her tummy rumpler with her hooves. "I shouldn't have eaten all that lobster..." Her tummy gurgled in apparent anger, and her eyes widened as she jumped to her hooves. "Ut-oh, gotta go!" With that said she bolted behind a nearby house, no doubt to leave a gift for the stray cats that lived back there. And by a 'gift', I mean 'diarrhea'. "I warned her," stated Chris smugly. Twilight sighed. All her friends had good excuses for denying a guest except her. "I guess you can stay at my library house." "But Twilight!" Whined Spike, who had been there the whole time. "We hardly have any room at our home as it is." He received a smack across the face from one of Twilight's many tentacle-like limbs, putting him in his place. "You'll speak when spoked to!" she reminded him before turning her attention back to her soon-to-be guests. "We have plenty of room. Follow me and I'll show you." The other ponies of the group gave their farewells and headed off to their respective abodes while Twilight led the way to her big tree home. "Wowee father, wood you look at that? That tree is a house and a library! Someone aught to call the copse, that's a fire hazard," joked Sonichu. Nobody laughed. As soon as they stepped into the building, Chris made his voice known. "Mind if I use the bathroom? I really need to let one go." "Sure. The bathroom is up the stairs on the left," explained Twilight while stepping into the kitchen with Sonichu in tow. One obliterated bathroom later and the group of them were all seated around the kitchen table, tired from the day's hectic events. Twilight hated to admit it, but spending time with her friends could be a real chore and it often tired her out. She was happy that Chris was at least being quiet, likely due to being tired himself, giving her time to think. Christian was smart, nice, funny, and good with kids. Maybe having him stay there wouldn't be so bad. Maybe she could even learn a thing or two about friendship from him. Celestio would be more than happy to receive another friendship report, and Twilight always looked for excuses to write to her old mentor. She may have been a princess herself now, but she still looked up to Celestio. Her thoughts were interrupted as Chris spoke up in his usual, and insanely annoying, voice. "I'm pretty hungry," he not-so-subtly begged for food. Being the good hostess that she was, Twilight got up from the table and trotted over to the refrigerator. She popped the door open with magic and took a look around inside. She really needed to go grocery shopping. There was little to eat other than a brown paper bag full of meat left over from her daily trip to the local deli. She pulled that out and levitated it over to the table, placing it in front of Chris. "Eat up," she offered somewhat unhappily. That meat was supposed to be her breakfast... "Hey, wait a minute. You never told me you had psychokinesis." Chris gave her a suspicious look, wondering if she was perhaps hiding a chaos emerald somewhere on her body as he reached into the bag and began shoveling tiny pork chops into his mouth using his comparatively large, pork-chop-like hands. "You mean my magic? Every unicorn can do that. That's pretty common knowledge," she explained, happy that her vast stores of knowledge were coming in handy(or 'hoofy', since you weirdos adore horse puns). "Oh, it's magic? I can do magic too," Chris boasted. Twilight was about to inquire about this, when Sonichu butt in. "I'm hungry daddy. Feed me." Chris sighed as he often does, pulling his shirt up and revealing his flabby and repugnant man-boobs, much to Twilight's surprise. Sonichu wasted no time, hopping up onto his lap and planting his mouth around one of Chris' pepperoni-sized nipples. He made a slurping noise as he began suckling the thick milk from within like an ungodly milkshake. "Fascinating," observed Twilight, her previous quandary already forgotten. "Males of your species have functional nipples?" "Humans are highly-evolved," bragged Chris as he continued to breast-feed his son. "And your milk is safe for consumption? Perhaps I could have some," she said before realizing how weird that sounded. "As a sample! Nothing more. I just want to analyze it!" Chris sighed obnoxiously as though Twilight was asking way too much from him. "I guess you can have some milk- No biting- but you'll owe me," he explained while scolding his nippy son. Giving away his milk was a great loss as he preferred to "recycle" it. The conversation ended there as Chris and Sonichu stuffed themselves with food. Eventually, though, the food was depleted. While Chris would normally eat at least twice that much, he was far too tired to complain at the moment. Instead, he looked to satisfy his next need. Pushing Sonichu away from himself he hefted his top-heavy body up off the bench. "Alright, so which bed am I sleeping in?" Twilight was actually just going to offer him some blankets and a pillow and let him sleep in the main room, but apparently he wanted a bed. She didn't want to be rude, but the only guest bed was up in her room, and she'd have to completely take it apart to fit it through the door, which would take forever. She'd only ever had her female friends stay over, so she was a bit nervous about letting a guy share her room. After a moments hesitation, she decided that it didn't matter. It's not like they'd be in the same bed or anything. "Yeah, I got a guest bed right upstairs." She led the way with her two tired guests following closely behind. They passed Spike, who was busy dusting the library for the third time that day, as they walked up the stairs and into the bedroom. Chris was so tuckered out he didn't even complain that the sheets were purple and assure everyone that he's not gay as he slipped into the guest bed. Meanwhile, Sonichu walked over to the corner, seeing the great brown owl perched on a wooden pole. "Woah, Dad. An eagle!" he exclaimed in utter excitement. "Who?" asked Mr. Owl, Twilight's pet. "I'm Sonichu!" introduced Sonichu. "Bless you," responded Mr. Owl politely before spreading his wings and flying out a nearby window into the night. With that out of the way, Sonichu walked over to Spike's bed, a wicker basked filled with blankets, and curled up in it. Not wanting to be a bad hostess, Twilight decided to let the little guy stay where he was. Spike could show some hospitality and sleep downstairs. In fact, for all she cared, he could sleep out in the dirt with the camels. Despite being fairly tired, Twilight flicked out the lights with her magic and went back down the stairs. All this catering to guests really cut in to her study time. No matter, she could simply stay up late to compensate. It wasn't until the wee hours of the morning when she finally crawled into bed and entered the nightmare realm that existed in her dreams. With everyone asleep, the figure in the darkest corner of the room was finally able to make its move, slinking through the shadows with practiced ease towards its prize...