//------------------------------// // Boohoo! Everypony cried! // Story: Flash Sentry and the Elements of Homosexuality // by Flint Sparks //------------------------------// “So am I completely gay yet?” Flash asked as his mentor led him through town. They had been traveling on a dirt path through an orchard for quite a few minutes. The sun was beginning to descend, but there was a good hour before nighttime. Shining shook his head as he chewed an apple, then reared back and swallowed. He smacked his lips before answering. “Slow down there, nopony is going to like you if you’re too fast. It can be quite a disappointment. Trust me, I know.” Flash scratched his head, not understanding the implication of Shining’s answer. He still had much to learn, after all. Shining motioned with his streaked electric blue tail for Flash to stop. In front of the gate they had arrived to were two earth pony stallions waiting for them. Trained in the ways of the guard, Flash detected their power levels were only topped by alicorns. They could probably destroy planets if they yelled loud enough. “Hey there friends! Welcome to Sweet Apple Acres!” the dusty brown stallion greeted as the two Crystal Empire visitors approached. “I came as soon as I got your message, Shining Armor!” Shining nodded. “Thanks for coming, this is very important. Flash,” -he turned to the pegasus- “this is Braeburn. He’s a visitor from Appaloosa and a cousin of this big guy right here. Say ‘hello’ Big Mac!” The scarlet stallion made eye contact with Flash. The small pegasus shuddered under the gentle, yet stern glare. “Eeyup.” Flash’s wings popped out. Embarrassed, he blushed as he forced them down. “Hm… an interesting prospect.” Braeburn started circling around Flash, examining the stallion as Shining stepped aside. “Well-defined muscles, excellently toned-flank. Here, let me see…” Braeburn whipped out a hoof, smacking Flash’s rear. Violated by the sudden invasion of his space, Flash yelped. Braeburn clicked his tongue in disapproval. “Shame, fresh meat hasn’t been broken in yet. Have you ever explored the pleasures and wonders of SEEENNSation?” Braeburn neighed as he reared up on the last word. Flash, rather than dignify that with words, shook his head and edged away. “Well we gotta start somewhere!” “Anddd that’s enough for now,” Shining blocked the incoming strike to Flash’s flank with his own. Shining gave a small yelp when his pale white flank was smacked, a red hoofmark left behind. “Come on Braeburn, we can’t overwhelm the poor colt. We have to start small. What do you think Big Mac?” Shining turned to the red stallion Big Macintosh chewed the straw in his mouth, pondering. Several methods came to mind, but only one fit the pegasus. Once he found the answer he spit out the straw of hay. “Give him the movie.” Shining and Braeburn’s jaws dropped. “Y-you sure?” Shining quivered in place, his heart racing. The movie was notorious for its emotional invocation on ponies, especially on mares and stallions of their persuasion. Big Mac nodded, not needing to say another word. “I don’t get it. How’s a movie going to help me?” Flash asked, alternating his gaze between the three stallions. Big Mac rubbed his blonde mane while Shining sighed. “Flash,” Shining started. “What we’re about to show you is possibly the saddest movie in history. Unless you’re a heartless changeling, you will cry a river.” Flash shrugged. “So? I don’t see how that’s relevant.” Shining smacked his forehead. “Remember Brokeflank Mountain?” “Y-yeah…” Flash shuffled his hooves nervously. “I cried a lot.” “Exactly!” Shining cried excitedly, jumping in place. “In order to be gay, you have to be able to cry. Be honest with your feelings and cry like a little filly!” “What about my masculinity?” Shining scoffed. “You don’t need that anymore. You’re gay!” Braeburn sighed. “Alright everypony! To the barnhouse!” With those words, he gathered the trio together and pushed them toward the barnhouse with his head. A few errands in preparation for the movie left the four stallions winded, but excited. Braeburn had found a nearby unicorn and prepared popcorn, Big Mac had moved the furniture with his legendary strength, and Shining had retrieved the television and brought it inside the farmhouse. On Braeburn’s insistence, Flash Sentry had entered the Apple Family’s home and asked Applejack for a particular favor. “I don’t feel very comfortable in this,” Flash grumbled as he examined his legs. Shining had egged him to slip on his green dress, and the pink socks were Braeburn’s suggestion. As hard as it was to admit it, Flash felt the socks met the spirit of the dress perfectly. It was part of the plan on the road to homosexuality, but Flash couldn’t help but miss the fleeting bits of masculinity slipping away. At least he looked cute. “Well ain’t you a perdy one!” Braeburn flirted, winking at the blushing stallion. Flash, already uncomfortable with the crossdressing, backed away. Without looking, he accidently bumped into Big Mac who had been moving the couch at that particular moment. His movement completely undisturbed to his powerful stance, he merely gave Flash a once-over. “Eeyup. Cutie pumpkin pie.” Flash’s face flushed under the stallion’s gaze. Shining jumped in between them in excitement. “Alright guys! Time for the movie!” The other three leaped on the couch, taking control of their portion. Shining used his magic to slip out a vhs tape from its casing and checked the cover. The Colt in Striped Pajamas “Yup, here we go!” Shining popped the cassette tape into the tv, bringing it to life. As the movie’s opening credits roared, Shining galloped to the couch and hopped next to Braeburn. The cowcolt stallion handed him a bag of popcorn, one that Shining happily munched on. Flash felt small, being squeezed in between two powerful stallions. Big Mac chose to sit at his left, Braeburn on his right. Alright, time to show off what he learned today. The movie began. It started out as happy as can be, starring a happy yet rebellious colt playing around his new home. Strict parents, nopony around to play with; it was just another coming-of-age film. Flash nibbled on a biscuit, trying to keep crumbs off his new dress and wondering how this was supposed to further his homosexual agenda. His answer came as soon as the thought entered his mind. Flash felt a hoof on his back. He sneaked a peek to his right, eyeing Braeburn as the stallion yawned and reached over. Flash wiggled in his seat, getting comfortable as he allowed the contact. If he was gay, then he better get used to cuddling other stallions. Flash wasn’t sure about his disposition toward Braeburn, so he neither encouraged nor fought the contact. Like Big Mac told him, sometimes being passive was best. Flash rolled his eyes at the games the two colts played. Chess through a gate? How exciting was that? He wondered why the buck this was considered the saddest movie in Equestria. As the movie continued its boring run, Flash felt the hoof on his shoulder move. Braeburn casually shifted his hoof until his foreleg was wrapped around Flash’s side. Before Flash could react, Braeburn squeezed and brought Flash into full contact with his side, eliciting a squeak from the pegasus. With pressure holding him captive, Flash leaned onto the older and more experienced stallion. The colt’s father was upset that he had disobeyed him. How typical. Why did Twilight recommend this again? Even if he was gay, that didn’t mean he needed a mare’s advice on everything. Braeburn, sensing no resistance from his target, made a daring move. His hoof slid down until it rested on Flash’s waist. The green dress prevented fur-to-fur contact, but Braeburn had a plan. Without moving his face, Braeburn eyed the smaller stallion. The fresh meat was nearly done with his biscuit, a completely bored expression on his face. Seeing his chance to make things more exciting, Braeburn went in for the kill. Flash nearly jumped when he felt the hoof slide down his flank to the hem of his dress. He bit hard on his biscuit, resisting the urge to scream as Braeburn hiked his hoof up. Once the hoof began making small circles on his cutie-mark, Flash opened his mouth to squeal. Unlike Shining, he was not enjoying this! Salvation came from an unlikely source. smack! Flash looked down as a red hoof slapped dusty orange. His eyes traveled up. Big Mac, in all his glory, stared disapprovingly at his cousin. Braeburn shrugged and let go of Flash without any hesitation. Wanting to get away from his assailant, Flash scooted close to Big Mac. Big Mac wrapped his foreleg over Flash’s shoulders to make him comfortable. For some reason, Flash felt safe with this contact. Rather than just sit and be passive, Flash leaned onto Big Mac approvingly. Taking the hint, Big Mac readjusted and wrapped his foreleg over Flash’s waist and leaned over as well so Flash could rest his head onto the muscular neck. Realizing how fun cuddling could be, Flash purred and wrapped both his arms around Big Mac. A jolt of realization struck Flash like a lightning bolt. As the young colt ran with his friend into the rain shelter, it dawned on him that the camp was extremely familiar. As a guard, he had taken the proper history classes but never really payed attention. Wars were practically non-existent since Celestia rose to the throne, and it used to be his job to keep it that way. No, don’t go in there! It’s a trap! Flash buried his head into Big Mac’s side as he heard the hopeful whispering of the colts on screen. A hissing sound and small cries poked the balloon in his lungs as he finally gave out. “WHY?! How could they do that! Whyyyy…” Flash sobbed as his tears soaked Big Mac’s red coat. He nuzzled the stallion, his muzzle damp with sadness. Big Mac leaned over and patted the stallions back with his free hoof, occasionally rubbing a wing joint as Flash’s wings fluttered in anguish. Critically acclaimed as the saddest movie in Equestrian history since My Sister’s Trainer, it had a pronounced effect on the infantile homosexual. A small puddled formed underneath the couch as Flash cried tears of despair. Braeburn leaned back from the sad display of sensitivity. “Is he always like this?” he mouthed to Shining. Shining shrugged in response. “Cry like a little filly? Beats me. At least he’s learning, right?” Braeburn scrunched his lip in thought. “I suppose that’s right. Good ol’ cuz stole my prize though.” He quietly stuck his tongue out at his cuddling cousin. Shining punched his shoulder playfully. “Oh beat it, will you? The kid’s a sucker for the protective types. He’s a guard at heart, after all.” Braeburn snickered. “Heart, yeah. You really going to give him his job back?” A cruel smile creeped onto his face. Shining returned the grin. “When tartarus freezes over.” Apple Bloom was thirsty when she woke up late at night. Yawning, she hopped out of bed and out of her room, stopping at her sister’s to knock. Not getting a response, she nudged the door open. Applejack was sitting on a stool by her window, her back to her younger sister. “Sis?” Apple Bloom whispered. Applejack, in a bout of shock, spun around. The binoculars on the lanyard she was wearing jumped and smacked her in the face. “What are you doing?” “N-nothing!” Applejack lied, scrunching her lips awkwardly as she did so. Apple Bloom, not knowing the signs of such an obvious lie, left the room and decided to get water herself. Applejack sighed in relief and turned around. She readjusted the binoculars and continued to watch the ongoing sleepover. Now that she got properly rejected, Twilight no longer had dibs on the sexy pegasus. Applejack had a thing for pegasi. The four stallions had ended the movie and were now getting comfortable for the night with a preemptive pillow fight. That night Applejack became a mare.