//------------------------------//
// Chapter 3: Walking Dictionary 
// Story: Mobster Meets Equestria 
// by Caddy Finz 
//------------------------------//

Chapter 3: Walking Dictionary



"I TOLD YOU TO FUCK OFF!"  I screamed in the pink creatures face with mine now as dark pink as her weird...uhh...mane?...I guess?  What pissed me off even more is that it still had that blood boiling little "cutesie" smile while I was shouting at it.

"And I told you that since you peaked my curiosity about this 'fuck' word, I just might keep following you around until you tell me what it means, silly."  the pony replied.  "Oh and you're going the wrong way.  Ponyville is that way.  Wait!  don't go back into that pond!  If I follow you in there, I might not come back out!  I didn't bring my swimming flippers!"

This talking pony was seriously testing my patience and simply would not take the hint that I wanted to be left alone.  I figured it would make sense that I got into this world through this pond so I could get back to New York the same way as I jumped back in to try to find the bottom.  It proved to be a big waste of time when I dove to about six feet and found just a plain gravel bottom with no sign of any way to get back.  I just couldn't understand this because I came up from over thirty feet.  Nothing made sense anymore.  I went back up to the surface and crawled back to the bank where once again, I met face to face with that pain in the ass who called herself "Pinkie Pie".

"Hello again."  The pony said.  "You really should be careful in there.  My Pinkie Sense tells me that there's a- GACK!"

"Now I want you to listen to me very carefully."  I said through my teeth with my hand around the pony's throat.  "Unless the next thing that comes outta your mouth is something that can help me get back home or about somebody who can help me, I suggest you shut it.  Understand?"

The pony then nodded in agreement and I let go of it's neck.  It then proceeded to take a few steps back and give me a very frightened look, apparently having gotten my point.  It continued to stare at me with it's lips quivering and then started to quietly speak again.

"Um...I...uhhh."  the pony stuttered.  "My f-friend, Twilight Sparkle could probably help you."

For some reason I was overcome by a feeling not new to me but never came as easy as it had that time.  I felt guilty for grabbing this pony's throat, scaring and maybe even somewhat hurting it.  As annoying as this thing was and weather it talks or not, it was still just a small animal that never caused me any harm and I had just choked it.

"Listen, little pony I-"  I started to say to the pony.  "I-I'm sorry about that.  I'm just really stres-"

"Okie dokie lokie!"  the pony cut me off with a sudden change in her demeanor.  "Apology accepted!"

I didn't see that coming.  I said "sorry" just once and that was enough to get the pony back to her annoying, smiling self again.  Come to think of it, that kinda made me feel like even more of an asshole.  I'd better snap outta this before I start going all soft.

"Uh, wow"  I said, dumbfounded.  "Just like that?  I wrap my hand around your neck and we're cool?

"Sure!"  the pony replied.  "I was starting to think you were upset about something anyway."

"Oh yeah?  No shit."

"Wow, you're just full of new words.  And I though my friend Twilight had a big vocabulary."

"Uh yeah, about this 'Twilight'.  You said that, uh, I wanna assume she, could probably help me figure out this mess?"

"Uh huh."

"Alright, cool.  So where do I find this friend of yours?"

"Follow me!"

As quick as a bullet, the pony turned around and didn't walk, trot nor gallop but bounce over onto the trail I had begun to walk down before.  She was quickly getting far ahead of me and I couldn't afford to lose any potential help so I had to nearly sprint to catch up.  So there I was playing follow the leader with a friggin' pony and I wasn't the one in the front.  After a few minutes of following the little pink horse, we came across a large wooden sign.



Welcome To Ponyville
Population 2,532



I really hope the other twenty-five hundred thirty one are humans.  Yeah right!  We entered this little "town" with ponies all over the place...and not a single one of them was a normal color.  Even more surprising, some of them had wings like the pegasus statue on my favorite Central Park fountain.  Some of them had twisted horns on top of their heads too.  Weird.  They seemed to agree that something was weird too.  It was apparent that they'd never seen a human being before.  I was getting a lot of stares as I was walking through and passing by.  I realized I was getting a bit too distracted and called out to the pink one.

"Hey hold up!"  I yelled.  "Don't get so far ahead!"

"Then don't fall so far behind, fuckface!"  The pony giggled.

"Ha!  I'm actually starting to like your attitude, kid."   I said as I ran to catch up.  "You're pretty ballsy!"

"You bet I got balls!"  She replied to me as she pulled large inflatable ball out of a small shrub and threw it in a random direction.  "I've got secret stashes of all kinds of balls all over Ponyville!  Pinkie Pie by the way."

After hearing Pinkie Pie's hilarious and oblivious reply, something went very wrong with me all of a sudden.  I felt like I was having some kinda seizure along with a turrets syndrome episode and pain in my sides.  I began involuntarily yelling "ha" over and over and I couldn't stop.  I've had this happen before but the last time it did was over thirty years ago when I was a teenager.  When I finally calmed down, I looked over to Pinkie Pie to see her with a clipboard in her hoof and a pencil in her mouth.

"Wup!  Ifts offiffshull"  she said while she was writing on the clipboard.  "I cam mage amypomy waff!"  Ptooey!

"Well shit, I can honestly say I needed that.  I feel like I just shed every hunk of lead out of my body.  But anyway, Pinkster-"

"It's Pinkie Pi-'Pinkster'?  I like that!  that sounds like something my other friend Rainbow Dash would call me.  I wonder why she hasn't."

"Heh heh,  like I was saying.  looks like everybod-err 'everypony' else isn't too thrilled about me being here so if you could just slow down a bit so I can keep up with you, you'll be a 'made' pony.  You capiche?"

"When you get time, you'll have to tell me about those cool new words.  Let's go, shithead"

End Chapter 3