//------------------------------// // A special meal // Story: Sonichu and the Autism that Pierced the Heavens // by Good Christian Ethesto //------------------------------// It was another normal day in Pony land. The giant magical onion drifted wistfully across the sky on its normal orbital pattern, casting its glorious radiant light down on the carefree ponies below and inadvertently causing skin cancer with its UV rays. However, Twilight Sparkle could care less about magical nuclear onions or UV rays right now, as some things had just plummeted into the nearby lake! She turned away from the sparkling waters of the lake and shared a look with her friends, all of whom are also ponies. Spike was also there. "Holy guacamole! What was that?!" she swore without even a single interrobang. Fluttershy gasped in shock, and Rarity put a hoof up to cover her gaping mouth. "Twilight!" scolded Rarity, "you know better than to use such language!" Twilight blushed. She knew better than to use such language, as Rarity previously stated. "Aw shucks, girls. I'm sorry. Can you ever forgive me?" She kicked a hoof timidly at the ground, half expecting them to all rebuke her and denounce their friendship because she has a stupid brain and a low self esteem. Rainbow Dash snickered, her dumb face contorting into an even dumber grin. "Like you could get rid of us that easily." The entire group laughed heartily at that joke, before coming together in a group hug, already forgetting all about the objects that plummeted into the lake. "To celebrate, I cooked us all up a special meal!" butted in Pinkie Pie out of nowhere. Lawl she is so random. She pulled a silver tray out of her tail compartment and waved it around in all her friends' faces. Applejack took a deep whiff with her big ol' nose, and her mouth instantly began dripping as she salivated a copious amount of brown, viscous saliva. "That sure smells good!" she shouted, surprising everyone. It's not everyday Applejack forms a coherent thought. That in and of itself was cause for celebration. "It sure does, darling," agreed Rarity, using her favorite word in the whole world. "What is it?" Pinkie Pie pulled the silver, domed lid away revealing a steaming rock lobster. "I murdered and cooked it while no one was looking," she stated proudly. They all began munching on it, glad to enjoy a hearty meal with friends, when suddenly something crawled its way out of the water. Sonichu came ashore, dragging Christian with him. Thankfully, Sonichu's absolutely massive, colossal, gargantuan sonic-hands worked perfectly as paddles, and Chris was composed primarily of fat and hot gas so he floated. "Wowee, father. That sure was a sticky situation," said Sonichu because water is sticky and puns are funny. "I'll say..." replied Chris after a moment. He was breathing heavily despite having done little physical activity of any kind. I suppose using that much autism at once must've taken a lot out of him. "Gee, I'm all tuckered out. I think it's time for a nap." He was, unfortunately, never able to take that nap as the beach ponies had taken notice of them and were fast approaching. Rainbow flew ahead, quickly coming to a halt near our two protagonists. "Woah! What are those animals? I've never seen anything like them," she bellowed in ignorance. "Hey! I'm no animal, I'm a homo sapien, or a 'Human' for short," cried Chris without much gusto. Rainbow's mouth fell open in surprise. "Hey! this guy's pretty smart. He's an egghead just like you, Twilight," she called back. Twilight Sparkle and her posse approached, quickly taking a gander or two at this 'homo sapien' and his yellow companion. She couldn't help but admire this newcomer. "Isn't it hard to stand on two legs?" she called out, catching Chris' attention. Thankfully, Chris is very knowledgeable about things involving the brain, as he studied it to learn all about autism. "Not for an evolved being like myself," he stated matter-of-factly. "Us humans have a segment of our brains that gives us super balance." He demonstrated his balancing skills by doing a couple of karate moves where he kicked and punched at the air. Twilight's eyes widened as she watched him move with grace that would be hard for even a pony to replicate. "Wow. You're pretty cool," stated Rainbow Dash. "Who are you anyway?" "Me? I'm Christian Weston Chandler, or CWC for short. You might have heard of me, I'm pretty internet-famous." As an afterthought he decided to introduce his abomination of a son. "And this is my son, Sonichu. He's an electric-hedgehog-type pokemon." "Salutations," greeted Sonichu like the sniveling creep that he is. "Sorry, we've never heard of you," admitted Twilight. She couldn't help but be somewhat embarrassed. She prides herself on knowing a great many things, yet she'd never even heard of a creature as graceful and smart as this 'Chris'. Suddenly Pinkie Pie popped up out of nowhere. LMAO, she's so random! "You want some rock lobster?" She asked, waving the silver tray containing a half-devoured lobster in his face. "Sorry, but no," he declined. "Seafood gives me horrible gas and you don't want to be around me when I'm gassy." Everyone in the area laughed as fart jokes are funny. "Smart, cool, and funny?" questioned Rainbow Dash. "You're pretty awesome Chris. Say, where do you live?" Chris looked around, but unfortunately he didn't see any familiar landmarks that would point him towards his parent's house where he lived. He shrugged with his disgusting shoulders, looking like a total dringus. "I don't know!" "You should totally come stay with us in Ponyville," offered Rainbow Dash. "What a marvelous idea," complemented the white pony. "And I can make him some new clothes free of cost for no reason because I'm a pony fashion designer." "And I apple," stated Applejack. "ERBHLERGLE!" agreed Pinkie, her mouth filled with partially-chewed lobster. No doubt, after eating all that lobster, her and her friends were going to have some really bad gas. And maybe some INDIGESTION. Or some DIARRHEA. "That sounds like a great idea," also agreed Twilight, and she'd know a thing or two about great ideas. Spike was about to say something, but then he remembered his place, and kept his filthy mouth shut. "By the way, my name is Twilight Sparkle." Each of the ponies introduced themselves to Chris as they began making their way towards Ponyville without a care in the world. Little did they know, trouble was brewing, and only the truest of heroes could possibly hope to stop it.