“Oh Sombra, I’m baaaack.” The valkyrie of annoying, high pitched noises had returned.
Sombra winced. “I don’t know whether to be happy or depressed,” he muttered, chin on the floor as he stared at the basement door up the stairs. When he saw Pinkie enter with a bowl of ice cream bouncing on her poofy pink mane, all the while grinning that insufferable smile of hers, he said, “Wait, no, the phrase I was thinking of was miserable, or dismal. Both fit rather well.”
“Aw, don’t be such a such a grumpy pony,” Pinkie replied, coming to a stop outside the cage.. Her cheer-filled smile beamed so radiantly, Sombra was sure he’d go blind from staring at it for too long.
He averted his gaze to the bowl atop her head and eagerly licked his lips at the sight of the delectable treat it contained: delicious, sweet, and most importantly, tasty ice cream. Chocolate ice cream flavor, he noticed. Even better.
Grunting, he inch-wormed forward. “Of course I’m going to be grumpy. I went from the all-powerful leader of an entire nation to a prisoner held captive by foalish mares. I’m also a prisoner who just so happens to want that ice cream you have there. Now, hoof it over!”
“Oh, this ice cream?” Pinkie raised an eyebrow and looked at the ice cream in question. She gingerly took the bowl off her head and held it close enough to the bars that Sombra could feel the chill on his face.
Sombra growled. “Why you impudent—yes, that ice cream.”
Pinkie’s grin grew. “This ice cream? This ice cream right here in my hooves?”
“Yes...” Sombra’s eyes narrowed.
“The chocolate-flavored ice cream?” Pinkie gave the bowl a bounce on her hoof.
“For the love of everything dear, yes!” Sombra’s eyes bulged. The rest of him fought to get free of his bonds and claim what was his by right.
Pinkie smiled at his impatience and took a seat. The bowl of ice cream sat between her legs. Withdrawing a spoon from the bowl overflowing with the chocolatey delight, she scooped out a heaping spoonful. She held the spoon bearing a mountain of ice cream forward, closer to the bars that separated Sombra and his treat. “Do you know what you have to do to get it?”
“If the answer is reforming, forget it,” Sombra said, scowling at the sugary delight that was just out of reach. “None of the this future’s desserts would ever tempt me to do that. But it will keep me from destroying you… for a short while. So give it to me.”
“Ah, ah, ah. What you need to say to get this is the magic word.” A droplet of the ice cream fell to the floor, Sombra’s eyes hungrily following its descent.
“What? There are no magic words to the arcane arts, you mammering fool!” Sombra shouted, hopping forward so that his face was pressed against the bars.
“But Twilight said magic words just a few days ago."
"She also said that Nightmare Moon was coming back during the Summer Sun Celebration!"
"But that was true, too. And how do you even know that?"
"Just give me the ice cream! Your king demands it!”
Shrugging, Pinkie withdrew the spoon and ate it herself. She made sure to swirl it around in her mouth, then covered her lips with the treat, and then slowly licked it off.
Giving her lips one last lick, Pinkie tapped the spoon to her chin. “Sorry, Sombry, but name calling isn’t going to get you any ice cream. Being a nice stallion, however, will.”
Sombra lay silent for a few seconds, staring at Pinkie with a blank expression until he finally blurted out, “Did you just call me Sombry?”
“Well duh, of course I did.” Pinkie rolled her eyes, scooping out some more ice cream, making it painfully slow. “I give everypony a nickname.”
“Well, knock it off. I am King Sombra. Not some cheap, knockoff name invented by a motley-minded mare. You may also call me Your Majesty, King of the Crystal Empire, Scourge of the Frozen North, Conquerer of the Crystal Mountains, Invader of the Badlands, Dark Unicorn of–”
“Wow, and some ponies say I overdo it sometimes,” Pinkie said with a chuckle, holding out another spoonful of ice cream to Sombra. “Just say please and you’ll get all the ice cream you want.”
Sombra stared at the spoon, lips set in a hard line on his scowling face. “I would rather be skinned alive than say that vile word,” Sombra said, still gazing as intently as ever at the spoon laden with that tantalizing treat.
“Then I guess you can just sit there as I eat the entire bowl,” Pinkie said, sticking the spoon back in her mouth. “I don’t know if I can even finish it all. I might have to throw some out when I’m done.”
“You cold-hearted monster!”
Pinkie’s tongue lapped gently at the bottom of the spoon, moving ever so slowly to the top where the ice cream was at. Just as her tongue was about to touch the surface of the ice cream, Sombra called out, “Wait, just stop!”
Pinkie removed the spoon from her mouth and arched an eyebrow. “Yes, Sombry?”
Biting back a harsh retort at the use of that name again, he choked back his rage and hatred for a few moments. “Can you p… pl-pl… pleeeeeeee…” Sombra coughed.
“Come on, Sombry, you’re nearly there!” Pinkie said to him eagerly, holding the spoon so close he could practically taste the cold chocolate melting in his mouth.
“Pleeeeeeeeeease,” he managed to spit out, gulping in a breath after releasing so much air, “give me some of that ice cream?”
“Why of course I will, sillyhead,” Pinkie giggled, getting up and removing a key she had stashed in her mane. “I wouldn’t seriously eat an entire bowl of ice cream in front of you without sharing. That would be mean.”
Sombra’s left eye twitched.
Inserting the key into the lock, Pinkie Pie unlocked the door and opened it. Sombra’s eyes flared wide, immediately seeing his opportunity arrive at last. He jumped at the chance for freedom, then promptly tripped, crashing back to the ground on his stomach. He had forgotten the ropes binding his legs, which had ruined his completely and thoroughly well thought out plan.
Pinkie smiled down at the still incapacitated ex-overlord, paying his failed getaway no mind. “So, Twilight gave me the key saying I had responsibility over unlocking your cage whenever I wanted. Isn’t that cool?”
“Wonderful,” he muttered, his lower jaw wracked with pain. “Can I have that ice cream now?”
Pinkie set the bowl on the floor. “Sure!”
Sombra looked to the ice cream, then back to her with a frown. “You expect me to lap it from the bowl like some common housepet?”
“No. I was thinking I would spoon feed you it.”
“Even worse!” Sombra shouted, snarling at the bowl. “Do I look like some newborn foal to you?”
“Wait, wouldn’t a foal be better than a pet?” Pinkie asked, giving Sombra a questioning gaze.
“Shut up and untie me already, you ignorant haggard!”
Pinkie crossed her forelegs while standing on her back hooves, a cross expression on her face that was the opposite of her usual jolly look. “Being rude won’t get you any ice cream, Sombry. It’s either spoon feeding or nothing.”
Sombra stared at the bowl, then at Pinkie, then at the bowl, then right back at Pinkie, then returned back to the bowl as he mulled over his thoughts.
“Fine…” he muttered, too eager for the long-awaited ice cream to waste more time arguing with an empty-headed mare. “Spoon feed it to me. But breathe one word of this to anypony else, and I’ll be sure to hunt you down and make you pay myself.”
“That’s the spirit!” Pinkie said, sitting next to the king and lifting him so he sat up in much the same position as she did. Holding him with one hoof on his shoulder, she scootched the bowl between them both and scooped some ice cream with the spoon. Smiling, she brought it to Sombra’s lips.
“Choo-choo. Here comes the train! Chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-choo-choo!” Pinkie said.
Sombra stared at Pinkie from the corner of his eyes as if she were a madmare. Quietly, before the ice cream reached him, he asked, “What in Tartarus’ name is wrong with you?”
“It’s a choo-choo train,” Pinkie explained, making the chugging noises again as the spoon approach Sombra’s lips. “It’s about to make a stop in your mouth and disembark the passengers into your taste buds.”
“I don’t even know what a train is, and neither do I care,” Sombra admitted. Restless to receive the frozen delight he went through so much trouble for, he decided to ignore the oddness of the other pony. “Just give me the ice cream.”
“What’s the magic—”
“I will poke your eye out with my horn if you try to make me say that word again.”
Pinkie backed her face up a bit—rather, a lot, her neck stretching with a rubber like intensity–as she attempted to keep her smile going. “Okay then, I think you deserve some ice cream now!”
Without another word, Pinkie stuffed the first spoonful of ice cream into Sombra’s mouth. The king wasted no time, swallowing it down and sighing in content This was followed by another spoonful, and another, Pinkie desperately shoving more ice cream in Sombra’s gluttonous mouth.
The king was ravenous, devouring the ice cream the moment it touched his lips, lost to the divine flavor like never before. Pinkie could barely keep up with Sombra's demands for more.
Unfortunately for Sombra, one of the most important lessons of eating ice cream finally reared its ugly head in the picture. Brain freeze: a particularly bad one at that.
“Ahhhhh!” he cried out in agony, falling on his back as his eyes bulged wide and his tongue stood out like a dog panting. “What sorcery is this?” he shouted, rolling on the ground as his brain was put through one of the most painful experiences he had ever confronted. It made his head hurt like no tomorrow, and all he wanted to do was crawl in a corner and hold himself in a feeble position to wait out the pain. Unluckily for him, that wasn't an option. “You foul witch! Tricking me with ice cream and then casting a spell when I wasn’t looking! I see you for the black-hearted heathen you truly are!"
“But I’m not a unicorn,” Pinkie pointed out, lifting the bowl so Sombra’s wouldn’t knock it over.
“I shall bury you beneath the bodies of your friends! Your home and livelihood shall burn to the ground! I shall become your nightmare and greatest fear as I slowly make your life as miserable as possible! You shall rue this day, Pinkie! Rue it, I say!” Sombra blinked, ending his struggles against the rope bindings as a moment of clarity overtook him. "Oh wait, the pain is gone."
"Yeah, you big meanie head," Pinkie said, frowning at the king and pointing the spoon at him accusingly. "That's what happens when you eat too much ice cream. A brain freeze."
"Technically, this is all your fault since you started shoveling ice cream in my mouth in the first place!" Sombra pointed out.
"Well then, I guess I shouldn't feed you anymore." Pinkie got back to all fours and picked the remaining ice cream up to place atop her head. "If you're going to behave like this, then you can get your own ice cream."
"How am I supposed to get anything when you slack-jawed, pribbling idiots have me tied up in a cage?" he asked. "And before you answer, my question was rhetorical."
"Then I'm guessing you won't mind eating out of the bowl then?" Pinkie asked, setting it within his reach. "Since this is something you can get."
"I'd much prefer you feed it to me like a proper servant for their king," he replied back in a bitter tone, staring at the bowl with anticipation. "Be thankful I am letting you feed me at all. Many other simpletons would jump at the opportunity to serve their king."
"Have fun then." Pinkie whisked her tail in annoyance, turning her back to the stallion and trotting out of the cage. "I have to go back to Sugarcube Corner anyways to bake some cookies for Mrs. Cake. When I come back and if you're in a better mood, I might just give you some."
"Burn in Tartarus!" Sombra spat back at the mare.
Pinkie frowned, then relocked his cage, leaving him alone with just a half empty bowl of ice cream. "Fine. It was double chocolate chip cookies by the way, too."
Groaning under his breath, Sombra attempted to fight back the temptation. The king always did have a weakness for his sweet tooth. While nothing quite competed with the taste of the exquisite crystals in his home of the Crystal Empire, the chocolate that Twilight had introduced him to had him completely hooked.
Gritting his teeth, he muttered, "I promise I won't besmirch your name if you for some cookies."
Pinkie’s ears perked up in surprise, and she turned back to face him, grinning. "See, we're making progress already!" She cheered, clapping her front hooves together excitedly.
Sombra wanted more than anything to beat that stupid smirk off her face. "I'll destroy you and this entire town until only dust is left," he whispered.
Pinkie scowled upon hearing that. "What did you say, Sombry?" she intoned warningly.
"Uh… uhm.” Sombra blinked, and bit his lip. “I said… bring some milk, too, if you are able."
"Okie dokie lokie!" Making her way to the stairs, she noticed the light bulb switch swinging from the ceiling. Glancing over her shoulder at the tied-up king trying to lick from the bowl, she asked, "Hey, do you want the lights on or off?"
Sombra scowled from his position of pathetically lapping at chocolate ice cream. "I've spent a thousand years trapped in pitch black darkness without one inch of light. What do you think I prefer by now?"
Frowning, Pinkie pulled down the switch to send the basement back into darkness. Climbing up the stairs carefully to avoid tripping down them because of the lack of light, she finally reached the top and looked back. All she could make out was Sombra's green glowing eyes staring back up at her with a bitter hatred.
"Yeah... have a nice time," she mumbled, unsure what to say next.
"Once your constant babbling ends with your leave, I will be," he replied back with contempt, glaring at her to leave him be.
Opening the door, Pinkie departed and left Sombra in a position he’d been used to for nearly a thousand years, which was being trapped in the shadows, with no hope of escape and not a living soul for company.
"Well... at least I have ice cream," he reflected, feeling somewhat comforted by this fact. "And she's finally been rid of from my presence. So the situation isn’t so bad. At least it’s better than the thousand years of banishment, that is for certain. Yeah... not so bad..."