To Her Royal sovereign, Princess Celestia.... most beautiful and majestic mare of the Sun, co-ruler of the principality of Equestria, liberator of Ponykind from the tyrant Discord, I send royal greetings,
Your most royal highness....
It has come to my attention, that there have been many rumors about my Princess floating around the royal solar court. These fouls strains of gossip say that the royal speaking tour, of my most esteemed and royal Princess Luna of Canterlot, has descended into a disaster. I am sending this letter to you, as the head of my royal princess's Nocturnal court, to inform you that these rumors are most certainly untrue. Our efforts over the past few weeks have been a great deal of success, despite rumors to the contrary.
To name a few of our trimpuhs, we have met with foreign Dignitaries from distant lands. Just a mere three weeks ago, Princess Luna met with Chief Kalunda, ruler of a large tribe of zebras from the southern continent. A successful trade deal was worked out with his excellency the chief, allowing Unicorn mages to import the ingredients for their potions at cheaper prices. In return, the chief will remove Zebra tariffs on Equestrian imports, opening up new markets for our domestic products. This, I believe, should help to improve the Equestrian Economy, and create domestic jobs.
Then, our talk in Fillydelphia a few weeks ago, was a rousing success! My princess spoke on the large influx of Oriental pony immigrants into the city, reassuring the concerned citizens that these new arrivals are not a cause for worry, and will only add to the rich diversity of the community. Princess Luna met with the leader of the immigrant community, Lady Snowflake- who assured her that the new arrivals only wish to work in harmony with the native inhabitants, to make a better Hoofington.
I will say the Nocturnal court has had it's share of problems, though. The young earth pony colt, named Pip, has become something of an adopted foal to my Princess. She first met him during her visit to Ponyville on Nightmare Night, and his declaration of Luna being his 'favorite Princess ever' endeared the foal to my Princess's heart. When she learned the lad was an orphan, she insisted on brining him along with the court as we travel though Equestria. Pip and I get along well enough, even though we are not that close. He is a fine lad, with a strong curiosity that reminds me of myself at his age.
One time when we were traveling though the everfree forest, young Pip got him self lost while "Hunting timberwolves". When he had been gone for over an hour, my Princess sent the entire Nightwatch guard out to find him. We were relieved to find him at the hut of a miss Zecora, where he was asking about all the strange and unusual potions the zebra alchemist was mixing up. Luna constantly worries about him, and is unhappy at the thought of sending him back to his legal guardians in Ponyville when this tour is over. I swear that colt is going to drive my Princess to distraction!
And finally, I must speak on the most hurtful rumors coming out of the north. There have been stories of a laboratory explosion in Tambleon, that destroyed the city. And there have been tales of freaks and monsters, created by my princess's unicorn mages, escaping from Tambelon. I can most definitely assure you these hurtful rumors are false, and my Princess has the situation undr control. The Nocturnal court requests that the Celestial Court keep it's nose out of our affairs, and let us handle the situation. I assure you we have matters well in hoof.
Kindest Regards,
Baron Sky Runner
Chamberlain of the Nocturnal Court
Nighttime Chancellor of Equestria
...
Sky Runner of Cloudsdale,
I don't know which is worse, your arrogance, or your audacity. To speak to me in such a tone as your last letter did, is folly of the highest caliber. I write this to tell you that most of your so-called triumphs are a sham, and you and my dear sister are in the hole far deeper than either of you realize.
First, on the matter of the zebra treaty- did you ever stop to think that those potion ingredients were so expensive, because the tariffs kept the cheaper zebra- grown ones out? And that many ponies’ jobs rely on the domestic potion ingredients industry, and that those jobs have now been put in jeopardy by your foolish actions? As for opening up the zebra markets to our goods... we are the most powerful nation on this planet, there are other means we could have used to persuade the zebras to open up their markets to our goods! Ones that would not have required concessions on our part.
And as to the immigrant influx into Fillydelphia... that is a greater problem than you realize. The cheap incoming labor is willing to work for less than our native Equestrian ponies, and is bloating the labor pool. Once again you -with your lack of political experience, and my sister- who has been out of the political and economic loop for a millennia- fail to see how your bleeding heart actions can hurt the larger picture.
And do not fool yourself, Sky Runner... I know full well Tambelon has been reduced to a smoking crater. The creatures you've made in your labs- these sea ponies and jewel-eyed ponies- have been sighted all over Equestria. My intelligence officers are having a hard time debunking all the sightings and covering up all the evidence of you and Luna's folly. I will not let my loyal subjects find out about these mutations, chancellor, as it would cause widespread panic. It would be well for the rest of the nocturnal court to keep silent on the matter, as well.
I have also discovered, that you and Luna are responsible for the creation of two potentially hostile nations on our borders. First, there was my sister's gift of the Dream Castle, rebuilt from the ruins of our old home in the everfree forest, to our niece Princess Rosalyn. This has created the independent state of Dream Valley, just south of the border near Ponyville. Second are the Flutter Ponies, another of you and Luna’s escaped laboratory creations. They have staked out a kingdom for themselves along our western border, which they have named Flutter Valley. I lay the blame for both of these disasters at your hooves, Chancellor!
I want this mess cleaned up, Sky Runner! Have these mutations of yours rounded up, and contained within the borders of Dream Valley. As Luna has planned, Rosalyn's kingdom will make an excellent reservation to keep these altered Ponies away from a harsh and judging Equestrian society. Also, I have heard that you have created an ultimate weapon, that was used during the Tambelon incident. Surrender the rainbow of Light to my court, Sky Runner, as it is far too dangerous to be outside of Alicorn hands.
Princess Celestia,
Ruler of Equestria
....
To Her Royal sovereign, Princess Celestia.... most beautiful and majestic mare of the Sun, co-ruler of the principality of Equestria, liberator of Ponykind from the tyrant Discord, I send royal greetings,
Your most royal highness....
Considering the tone and demands of the last letter, I do not know wither that was the Princess herself who wrote that, which seems uncharacteristic of our beloved ruler of the daytime, or a bootlicking member of the solar court, who never let the letter get to her eyes. Nevertheless, I have spoken with the Jewel eyed pony and Sea Pony representatives, and they have agreed to isolate themselves and their descendants to Dream Valley, for as long as Equeatria exists. The Flutter ponies would not even justify my offer with a response.
But as to the Rainbow of Light... I am sorry, my Princess.... but you shall not have it. The rainbow channels it's power from a far more primal source than the elements of Harmony, and is too dangerous to be in even your hooves. I have placed the Rainbow in Dream Valley for safekeeping, and there it will stay. If any hostile nation makes a move against Dream Valley or Flutter Valley, they will be hit with a force that could even destroy all three alicorns, and the elements of Harmony combined. Both Princess Luna and our ally Princess Cadence have supported me in this move. Now it only remains to be seen what the third Alicorn princess will say.
The Next move, Princess Celestia, is yours.
Kindest Regards,
Baron Sky Runner
Chamberlain of the Nocturnal Court
Nighttime Chancellor of Equestria