//------------------------------// // Scootaloo Finds a Truck in the Everfree Forest and Accidentally Runs Over a Red-Maned Black Coated Alicorn in Front of the Ponyville Hospital // Story: Not Another Human in Equestria // by Admiral Biscuit //------------------------------// Scootaloo Finds a Truck in the Everfree Forest and Accidentally Runs Over a Red-Maned Black Coated Alicorn in Front of the Ponyville Hospital Admiral Biscuit 9.1.13 It was a day you’ll never forget.  You were walking home, minding your own business.  You didn’t really want to go home, since your parents didn’t really understand you, but you had to eat somewhere after all. You were nodding your head to the edgy beat of the music blaring forth from your iPod, so is it any wonder that you never heard the skidding tires?  There was a kind of hollow metallic boom that didn’t quite fit with the beat of the music, and then cold fingers around your neck caused you to turn. You’re looking at the massive grille of a Peterbilt dump truck. You watch in wonder as it bounces over the curb and shears off a fire hydrant.  You try to run, but it’s already too late.  Maybe if you make a last-second leap, you can “Where am I,” you ask to no one in particular.  Your body feels really strange, for some reason.  You can’t seem to remember exactly where you are, or how you got there.  At least the comforting beat of your favorite band is still playing, so there’s that. Finally, daring to open your eyes—you’d not realized they were closed until just now—you look around you in wonder.  You’re in a hospital.  Although you don’t know why, that doesn’t really surprise you. There’s a glass of ice water on the table beside you.  Your throat feels so dry.  Parched.  You reach for the glass, stopping suddenly as your appendage comes into view.  No longer an arm, you’ve got leg with a hoof at the end of it.  Both your fur and your hoof are a beautiful jet-black color, like a fluffy kitten hellhound. You can’t help yourself, now.  All thoughts of the water flee from your mind.  You’ve just got to get a better look at your body.  You yank the sheet aside like an artist revealing his masterpiece.  And stare in awe. You’re huge.  Also, well-muscled.  You’re big enough to make Big Mac green with envy.  Or maybe it would be orange; you can’t quite remember your color-mixing tables.  Future rock stars don’t need to know that kind of thing, anyway. Your brilliant red forelock hangs almost to your eyes, and if you cross them and look up just right, you can see the tip of a magnificent horn.  The very . . .  magnificence of your new body makes you stretch your wings out.  Wait, wings? “Oh cool, I’m an alicorn now,” you say aloud. You don’t realize you shouted, but you did.  Nurse Redheart gallops into the room, looking at you with a mixture of awe and concern. “How do you feel?”  she asks.  “We found you outside the hospital.  You were lying on the ground unconscious.” “I feel great,” you reply. “Oh, that’s good.  I’ve got to tell the girls that you’ve woken up.  They’re so excited to meet you.” She leaves, and before long the Mane Six come into the room.  They crowd around you.  First, Twilight apologizes for having mis-cast a spell which brought you here.  She’s already written to the Princess.  She presents you with a sack bulging with money, which Celestia has sent to help you out. Since Redheart said you’ve got to spend the night at the hospital, you regale the girls with tales of your exploits.  They’re all fascinated by learning that they’re just a cartoon in your world—Pinkie especially.  She turns away from the group and begins to make funny faces at the wall. You tell Applejack about your difficult time growing up without parents—technically, they’re still alive, but they don’t agree with your ambition to drop out of school and join a rock band, so they’re dead to you. Fluttershy is nothing but rapt attention as you relive the experience of rescuing a kitten from the bathtub.  True, it wasn’t particularly dangerous, but it was a Jacuzzi tub, and—if the jets had been turned on—it would have been essentially the same as a raging river. Rainbow Dash is awed by your wings and your claim of being a black belt in Brazilian Ju-Jistu.  Well, you went to a couple of classes, and that’s pretty much the same thing.  They don’t have Ju-Jitsu here, anyway, so you know more than she does.  And you can always fake it a little with magic—you’ve already figured out how to drink a glass of water without spilling it all over your body.  On the third try.  With Twilight’s help. Naturally, Twilight wants to know everything about your world.  Even the most mundane things are fascinating to her.  Her eyes sparkle with lust as you explain how the microwave can cook popcorn in under four minutes. And Rarity.  She’s so infatuated with you, she can’t keep her hooves off of you.  Her eyes went all dreamy when you mentioned that on your world, you wore clothes all the time, and it’s not long before she’s running a measuring tape over your magnificent new body. Finally, as the sun sets, you tell the girls that you need some rest.  Rather than leave, they manage to all crowd into the hospital bed with you, nuzzling and hugging in a slightly worrying vaguely depraved manner. The next morning, you come to a decision.  You’re willing to share, and they’re all cool with it, too.  Twilight explained in her adorkable way that this is how things are done in Equestria.  Just the way she says it is enough for your wings to become uncomfortably rigid, but the girls don’t seem to be offended. As awesome as you are now, you still want to start things off a little more slowly.  You want time to get to know each mare, after all.  With that thought in mind, you propose a schedule.  You’ll spend one night with Fluttershy, one with Rainbow, and so on.  That also eliminates the need to worry about finding a place to live. Your initial plan of setting who’s first by a rousing game of Rock-Paper-Scissors is doomed to failure before it starts.  Tic-Tac-Toe is also out; you remember Pinkie has an unfair advantage.  Hooves, it seems, aren’t ideal for coin tosses.  Finally, you settle on the tried-and-true method of drawing a name from the hat. You draw Rarity’s name.  Already, you can see the lustful glint in her eye.  She turns to stick her tongue out at the other five, then follows you out into the street.  You remember that she likes a stallion who treats her like a queen, so you graciously hold open doors for her. You stretch your wings erect while Rarity watches in awe.  You feel like you could take on the world.  You can’t wait to fly—it’s got to be just as easy as adapting to your suddenly quadrupedal form or using your magic.  For a second, you entertain the thought of flying to the Carousel Boutique, but that would be rude to Rarity, and— You turn just in time to see a 1968 Chevrolet C/10 bearing down on you.  As a human, that would have been bad; too late you remember that ponies are even shorter.  Scootaloo is behind the wheel; Sweetie Belle and Applebloom have their forehooves up on the dashboard. Your wings are already unfurled, so you leap into the air in glorious flight . . . but it’s too late.  Your flight is largely horizontal as the front bumper and grille of the truck slam you forward, accelerating you in accordance to the harsh laws of physics.  Your whole body screams out in pain, and you can feel things shifting inside of you that probably shouldn’t. You fly for an amazingly long time before crashing back to the hard-packed soil.  Sadly, it wasn’t far enough.  A shadow looms over you as the truck rolls to a stop with a wheel on your hind legs.  Hot antifreeze from the smashed radiator is dribbling down onto your muzzle, and you can’t even move your head to get away from it.  You had never realized a body could feel so much pain.  You try to scream, but your jaw is broken and you can’t take a breath.  You can feel your heart racing, but each beat feels weaker than the last. There’s a strange tugging sensation, and then nothing. You open your eyes.  You’re standing on a grassy lawn, right on campus. You’ve never been one to have hallucinations.  It’s hard to believe that you were—briefly—in Equestria, though.  Something itches under your Hot Topic shirt, and you reach underneath to pull out a broken pitch-black pegasus feather. You turn around.  Right behind you—inches behind you—there’s a dump truck, its nose smashed into the wall of a dorm.  Dimly, you can hear people screaming, and water begins to fall on you.  That’s from the broken hydrant, you think.  Everything is so clear now.  Twilight’s spell must have pulled you out of the way of the dump truck.  Just enough to save your life.  At least you got one memorable day in Equestria.  Probably, Twilight will try to summon you back.   Still holding the feather, you look at the dump truck in admiration.  Like the feather, it’s kind of a lucky totem.  You pat it on its fuel tank. The truck explodes.