Chapter 13
He was mad. No, scratch that, he was pissed beyond all reason.
Just from glancing at his face, anybody would have been able to come to that conclusion. The growling, the narrowed eyes, the flared nostrils - he was a ticking time bomb and all it would take was one little spark to set him off.
Which is exactly why Celestia’s servants were literally throwing themselves to the side as he stomped through, watching with fearful eyes as he passed, and breathing a sigh of relief when he vanished from sight without even give them without a second glance. Even the guards wisely chose not to confront him, lest he chose to unleash his wrath on them.
Considering he was liable to rip the head off the first dumb fuck stupid enough to mess with him, this was a wise choice. After the news Celestia had just given him, even that would have seemed tame compared to what he could have done.
But surprisingly, it wasn't the fact that he was going back to Ponyville that had him so enraged. Sure, he wasn’t exactly thrilled about it, but considering the ‘impression’ he made on the townsfolk the last time he was there, they were probably going to be too preoccupied shitting themselves to even think about trying to mess him, so he wasn’t worried about that. No, the main source of his current disposition could be easily narrowed down to two reasons.
One was the fact that he was going to be stuck in that mental asylum of a town for a week.
A fucking week.
The thought of what Mercer alone could do in that amount of time was enough to terrify him. The thought of what Blackwatch could do in that time only doubled that fear. Add to that whatever plans Galloway was cooking up in that fucked up little head of hers, and it was easily tripled. It was going to be an all-out war between those three, and both New York and Maya were going to be caught in the middle. He only prayed that when he returned, it wasn’t to the sight of a smoking crater that was once New York City.
If he returned that is. Considering who his ‘guides’ were for the week he was there, he didn’t see his chances of survival being very high. That, of course, led to the second source of his anger.
Those six... he didn’t know how to describe them. The Six Apocalypse Ponies of Hell came to mind, though even that seemed too generous. Though to be fair, he only regarded half of them in that manner. Fluttershy he didn’t mind. Twilight he could tolerate. Applejack was... okay, he guessed. Those three he had no problem with. As for the other three...
Rarity wanted to put him in ‘proper dress wear’, whatever the hell that meant. He didn’t know what passed for fashion in this world, and he honestly didn’t want to know. Chances are he’d be walking out of her boutique looking like a damn tranny. Pinkie Pie...existed. And considering the bullshit excuse of an apology he had gotten from Rainbow Dash, he didn’t know what to think of her.
He was going to be stuck with them for a week. He was going to be living with one of them for a week. He just prayed that it was with one of the three that he liked. Cause if it was with any those other three, especially Pinkie Pie...
He shuddered.
He might as well just slit his throat then and there because he was not going to survive.
‘God, can this day get any-‘
“Heller, wait up!”
‘...Really universe? You couldn’t have even waited until I said it to fuck me over? Asshole.’
“What do you want Shining Armor?” his voice practically oozed irritation as the young captain began to trot at a steady pace next to him.
“Where are you going?” The unicorn asked
“To get some air,”
“The Princess said you couldn’t go outside,” he reminded him.
“No, she said I couldn’t let anyone see me. I saw a giant wall surrounding this place when we landed. As long as I stay within that, I technically won't be breaking any of her rules."
Rolling his eyes at Heller's pitiful attempt to manipulate a loophole, Shining Armor let him know exactly what he thought of that 'plan'. “First off, technically, yes you will be. I was there Heller and I distinctly remember the Princess saying not to go outside,” he ignored Heller’s indifferent scoff and continued. “And secondly-“
Rolling his eyes and quickening his pace, Heller was fully prepared to leave the nagging stallion in his dust were it not for what the unicorn said next.
“-do you even know where you’re going?”
He stopped dead in his tracks.
Goddamnit.
He couldn’t see him, but Heller knew Shining Armor was wearing a grin that could match Mercer’s in terms of smugness.
Seeing that his words had the desired effect of stopping Heller in his tracks, Shining Armor leisurely trotted over to the marine, fighting hard to put on a serious facade through his massive grin.
Walking around the stationary marine and stopping directly in front of him, he craned his neck up so that his eyes met Heller’s. Several tense seconds passed as the two soldiers stared each other down, neither one willing to back out. That same stubborn refusal to give in was in both their eyes. It was a trait that they had come to expect from one another-a trait that was the main source of conflict between the two of them. It was a trait that they both hated the other for having.
And even though they would never admit it, it was the same trait that made them respect each other above all others.
As Shining Armor and Heller’s battle of wills continued, a small audience slowly began to form around them. Janitors, chefs, handmaidens, and even a few guards had paused in their daily routine to watch the tense struggle between the two. Neither Shining Armor nor Heller seemed to notice or even care about the small group of spectators that had come to watch them, their eyes never once wavering from each other. Not a word was muttered from the audience, none of them dared ruin the tense atmosphere that had been formed from this silent battle. A battle that seemed never-ending.
Everyone jumped in surprise when Shining Armor’s voice suddenly shattered the silence. “Would you like me to show you where the exit is?” he asked, his face showing no emotion.
Heller, his face similarly expressionless, responded, “Would be nice.”
“Follow me then.” Turning around, he began to walk in the opposite direction, Heller following close behind him.
As the two soldiers walked off, their still speechless audience watched, stupefied. A few seconds passed in silence before one brave soul yelled out what they had all been thinking,
“That’s it?!”
The next several minutes passed in silence as the two soldiers walked through corridor after endless corridor. To Heller, it seemed like they were walking through a damn maze, and even though his every being was screaming at him to ask the unicorn if he even knew where the hell he was going, he held his tongue. Shining Armor was his only way out of here, and if he pissed him off, he could say bye-bye to any of hopes of ever leaving this damn castle. So despite the difficulty, he kept quiet.
Thankfully, he didn’t have long to wait. After turning three more corridors, he spotted a set of double re-enforced doors at the end of the hall, similar to the ones in front of Celestia’s throne room. The only difference was that these doors were embedded with an emblem of two spears crossing each other onto them. As he and Shining Armor approached the massive doors, his ears picked something up; though it was too muffled to hear clearly, he swore he could hear yelling on the other side, as well several other strange sounds. As they got closer, the sounds became more pronounced. He was definitely hearing yelling - a lot of yelling for that matter - as well as what sounded like running. Just what the hell was happening over there?
Whatever it was Shining Armor sure wasn’t worried, his stoic mask never once wavering even as the sounds grew in intensity. “We’re here,” he announced, coming to a stop directly in front of the doors.
‘No shit Sherlock,’ he though sardonically, though he wisely kept his mouth shut.
He watched as Shining Armor’s horn became enveloped in a magenta glow, followed by the doors being slowly pushed open, sunlight leaking into the corridors. Heller had to cover his eyes as the bright light washed over his face, temporarily blinding him. As his eyes slowly became accustomed to the brightness, his ears were suddenly assaulted full force by the noises that were once before inaudible.
“Unbend your knees and twist forward with your hips when you throw!”
“Relax your hooves men, you’re never gonna hit anything if you keep shaking!”
“Pick up the pace you useless foals, my grandmother could move faster than you and she’s six feet under!”
‘The hell is goin on out-‘ His jaw dropped before he could even finish.
Directly in front of him, hidden from outside view by a towering wall on all sides, was what could best be described as a training field. A huge training field, easily matching a football field in terms of sheer size, possibly even surpassing it. And the royal guards that now occupied it were sure as hell taking advantage of its size.
He could see exercise equipment at the wall on the other side of the field, and a few guardsmen already putting them to use, either lifting weights or doing pull-ups. Those that weren’t using the equipment were doing the typical exercise routines like jumping jacks, crunches, and running laps. Weapon racks lined the walls, holding not only swords, but also spears, maces, axes, bows and arrows, and a few other miscellaneous weaponry. Those that had a weapon, occupied an area of the field as they practiced: those with spears occupied one side of the field, throwing their weapons at cardboard cutouts of creatures like dragons and manticores, and hitting them with impressive accuracy. It was the same for those with bows and arrows, who occupied another side of the field. Those with close-ranged weapons like swords and axes sectioned off little of areas for themselves as they sparred with each other, their heavy plated armor blocking potentially fatal strikes.
"You said you were going to take me to the exit.” Heller said sharply, angry eyes aimed at the unicorn.
“No, I said I was going to take you outside. Technically, I kept my promise.” There were no words to describe how good it felt using Heller’s own words against him, even if it did earn him the full force of the Marines glare.
“Technically my ass motherfucker, you said the fucking exit!” he snapped, his voice rising a few octaves in anger.
He was given an infuriatingly calm smirk in response. “Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t. Point is, you’re here now, so I guess you’re just going to have to deal with it.” Smiling, he casually trotted into the field, Heller glaring daggers into his back as he did so.
He was going to punch him. Hard.
Begrudgingly he stepped out into the field, making a mental note to give the unicorn a good ass kicking later, preferably in front of his wife.
Looking over his shoulder, a wide grin broke out on the stallions face when he saw that the human had bought his bait. ‘Phase one complete.’
Trotting at a leisurely pace, Shining Armor’s head darted left and right as he observed his troops go about their daily routine, nodding approvingly as he noted their individual progress. Trailing behind him, Heller examined their training as well, a feeling of nostalgia settling in as he did so. This wasn’t all too different from the training he went through in his days as a private, though the weaponry he worked with was a bit more high tech than swords and spears. Still, he was impressed. These ponies were as dedicated and disciplined as any human soldier back home. So dedicated in fact that they had yet to notice either of them as they slowly strolled across the field. Even the three guards who they were currently approaching in the middle of the field had yet to see them, one of whom was facing away from them as he carefully observed the other two as they sparred.
“Sabre Bolt, you’re never going to win if you stay on the defensive! I’ve seen at least three openings that you didn’t take advantage of. You need to get in there!” An earth pony advised a struggling unicorn as he blocked another sword strike. Said unicorn nodded his head and struck back with a powerful swing, knocking his opponent back. The instructor nodded in approval, watching them closely to spot any more errors.
As they approached the three unsuspecting guards, Heller noticed something odd.
“Why are they fighting like that?”
“You mean on two hooves instead of four?” Shining easily guessed. It was after all, an odd posture for a pony to be in. “All royal guard members are required to learn a bipedal fighting stance when they enlist. As you’ve seen before we usually wield our weapons in our mouths, but as you can imagine that isn’t the most practical way of fighting. Fighting in a bipedal position allows us to add a bit more versatility to our fighting style, even if we can’t move nearly as fast we could if we were on all fours.”
“That can’t be easy to learn.” Heller observed, equating it to a human being taught to fight on his hands and knees.
“It’s uncomfortable at times and takes some getting used to, but there’s no denying its effectiveness.” he replied, now only feet away from the three oblivious guards.
Smiling mischievously, Shining Armor silently approached the instructor from behind, “How goes the training, men?” he asked coolly, a mental countdown already underway. ‘Ten, nine, eight...’
“Pretty good Captain.” he responded absentmindedly, his mind clearly still focused on the fight.
‘Three, two, one...’
“Captain!” The earth pony exclaimed, attempting a clumsy salute as he swerved around. “Sorry captain, I didn’t hear yo-“ Predictably he trailed off, his eyes growing wide as saucers the moment he spotted the Heller standing right behind his commander.
“Holy...”
It didn’t take long for the two sparring unicorns to notice him as well, their weapons almost clattering to the ground due to a combination of shock and fear.
Shining Armor glanced back at Heller to see how he was taking this, sighing in relief when the humans’ only reaction was an irritated eye-roll. At this point he expected such reactions and at worst they made him feel mildly annoyed.
‘That’ll make things a little easier at least.’ he thought, clearing his throat for phase two of his plan
“ATTEN-TION!”
For the second time that morning, Heller found himself holding his ears in pain. He glared irritably at the unicorn and just as he opened his mouth to hurl a string of curses at him, his eyes happened to glance over at the three guards from before. Almost immediately his anger turned to shock.
For where there were once three guards, now there was nearly a hundred, all of them lined up in perfect formation. Their weapons and equipment lay abandoned on the ground, and despite the fact that they had all been training vigorously beforehand, none of them seemed short of breath. Add to that the fact that they had been able to reach the spot where he and Shining Armor were standing in mere seconds and line up in that formation without him even noticing, and to say that he was impressed would have been an understatement.
“Damn.” Was all he could think to say.
Shining Armor’s lips curled into a smile - a smile that was soon replaced by an uncharacteristically stern frown as he turned to look at the assembled soldiers. For several moments, he said nothing, his eyes training over each of them, deliberately trying to get a reaction out of them with his piercing stare. For the moment, Heller was but a distant thought in his mind as he inspected his men, his keen eyes watching for any break in their composure. The guards meanwhile, stood tall under Shining Armors scrutinizing gaze. This was obviously nothing new for them, as they held the same stone-faced expression throughout the entire inspection.
After nearly a minute of silence Shining Armor, his assessment finished apparently, allowed a more relaxed smile to cross his face. “Good job, men. As a reward, no laps for today...” Keeping their composure, the guards nodded their heads.
Heller caught sight of an impish grin on the captain’s face “...which is what I would have said had Sabre Bolt not twitched.”
Almost instantly, the once stoic Royal Guards groaned and pouted like teenagers.
“Nice going, Bolt.”
“You’re always screwing things up for us dude!”
“Once again, the rookie ruins it for everypony. Freaking perfect.”
These insults and more were heaped upon the poor unicorn known as Sabre Bolt, who winced as several of his fellow guards went as far as to slug him roughly in the arm. Heller pitied the guard; if it was anything like back at home, what he was going through now was going to seem like a day at the beach compared to what they were going to do when Shining Armor wasn’t looking.
“Alright, alright, that’s enough fooling around. I have important news for you guys, and the quicker I tell you, the quicker you can get started on those laps.” With those words alone the insults ceased, their faces reverting to an intimidating mask of indifference. With bodies as still as stone, they eagerly awaited their orders.
Raising his voice to its maximum volume, Shining Armor spoke, “Men, I would like to introduce you to James Heller,” he pointed to the marine in question, “Some of you know him, some of you don’t. Some of you may have only heard of him. But what you all need to know and understand is this: this man singlehandedly rescued the Elements of Harmony and were it not for him, they might not be here right now. That includes my little sister. For that, I owe him a debt of gratitude I doubt I’ll ever be able to repay.” That statement earned Heller quite a few looks from the assembled guards, all of whom were unused to hearing their captain hand out such praise.
“I know some of you here have met Heller before under less than pleasant circumstances,” he eyed a few of the guards as he said this, identifying them as the ones who had been on the squadron with him when they first encountered the human. “But that’s all in the past now. I’m not going to lie; Heller’s...difficult to work with...really difficult. In fact, at times you want to punch him in the face just to get him to shut up." Heller let out a low growl, as if telling him to get on with it. "But his hearts in the right place. Therefore, I expect all of you to show him the same respect you would show each other. Understood!”
“YES SIR!”
“Good.” He turned towards Heller. “Heller, is there anything you’d like to add?”
The Marine shrugged halfheartedly “I’m good.”
‘Alright then, phase two is done. Here’s hoping phase three goes down just as well.’
With that thought in mind, he directed his attention back to his fellow guards. “Men...” The guards tensed, readily awaiting their captain’s next order. “...why don’t you guys take a little break, you look tired.”
He knew the words were completely alien coming from him, even before the wide-eyed look crossed everyone's face. “A-are you serious captain?” One pegasus guard questioned.
“Dead serious.” The guards’ eyes grew even wider at the response, all of them silently wondering if the Shining Armor standing in front of them wasn’t some kind of changeling spy in disguise.
Already predicting this kind of response, Shining Armor quickly added, “Don’t think I’m going soft men. You’re all going to be running triple laps by the time your little ‘break’ is over.” That statement elicited a groan from several of the guards, as well as erased any doubt that this was the real Shining Armor. “But for the moment I need you all off the field. There’s something I need to...discuss with Heller.” Heller looked at him, confusion clearly written across his face.
The guards exchanged worried glances, but slowly vacated the field regardless. As they trotted towards the exit, a few directed their worried glances towards Heller, though he doubted it was him they were worried about.
Just as the last guard prepared to leave the field, Shining Armor’s voice rang out, “Sabre Bolt!”
The unicorn jumped at the call of his name, giving a nervous salute as he spun around. “Yes, Captain!”
“You stay here. There’s something I need you to do for me.” Gulping nervously, the unicorn quickly made his way back.
“So what was it you wanted to ‘discuss’?” he asked inquisitively. Sabre Bolt stopped a few feet away from them, the look on his face indicating he was wondering the same thing as well.
Instead of answering, Shining Armor instead reached for the sword that lay holstered at his side and slowly unsheathed it. “What do think of this blade, Heller?” he asked, displaying the gleaming sword in front of him.
Heller wanted to question what the hell that had to do with anything, but decided it was best to just go along and replied, “It’s alright. Looks the same as any other sword.”
“Oh, but it isn’t.” He chuckled. “See, this blade has one characteristic that sets it apart from any other: it’s completely unbreakable.”
“Oh, really.” He scoffed skeptically.
“It’s true; this blade was magically forged using the strongest materials found in Equestria: the toughest steel, the hardest diamonds, and the even the indestructible scale of a dragon was added to the mix. All three were merged together to create this one, indestructible blade.” His voice took on a bit of pride. “Only the Captain of the Royal Guard is allowed to hold this sword and through the generations of Captains it’s been passed down through, it has yet to find a target it can’t cut.” He gave Heller a look. “I’d even go as far as to say it could even cut through you.”
Heller scoffed once again, waving his hand dismissively. “Well, you’re entitled to your own dumbass opinion, so I won’t argue. Now if the only reason we’re even here is so you can give me a fucking history lesson, I think I’m jus-“
He felt the sensation of cold steel pressing against his neck. Before he could even try to process what was happening, Shining Armor, his eyes narrowed in a challenging manner, coldly spoke, “En garde.”
“What hell are you-“
“Come on Heller,” he goaded, lightly pushing the point of the blade even further into his neck. “Let’s find out right now whether my ‘dumbass opinion’ holds any water, shall we?”
“You’re serious?” he asked in a surprisingly relaxed manner considering the sword at his neck.
“Dead serious. Besides, we never did finish our little fight from last time thanks to Twilight. But Twilight isn’t here right now is she? Neither are the Princesses. It’s just you and me.” His eyes blazed in excitement. “So what do you say Heller? Still think you’ll be able to shove your foot up my ass? Or are you afraid the reverse will happen?”
Sabre Bolt couldn’t believe what he was hearing. When he had been called, he feared the worst, fully expecting to be on the receiving end of one of the captain’s infamous lectures for the way he screwed up during inspection. Needless to say, he did not see this coming. While he was relieved that he wouldn’t be getting reprimanded, he was also frightened, though not for himself. The captain was going to fight this thing? The thing that (if the rumors were true) killed a dragon and effortlessly humiliated an army royal guards? Was he insane?!
“Bolt, what’s going on over there?!”
Sabre Bolt turned towards the voice, surprised to see that the other guards hadn’t left. They were standing in the doorway watching the entire exchange between Heller and Shining Armor, but unable to hear what was happening. As such, they were completely baffled as to why the captain had his blade pointed at Heller’s neck.
“It’s the captain! He’s challenging the monst- I mean, Heller to a duel!” he yelled back. Instantly, a wave of confusion washed over the crowd as they muttered between themselves, more baffled than ever.
“The captain wants to fight him?”
“Right out of nowhere? That doesn’t sound like him.”
“Yeah, and didn’t he say he was indebted to Heller? Where is this coming from?”
Sabre Bolt heard their confused chatter and he had to admit, they had a point. It didn’t make any sense. Why would the Captain challenge Heller to a duel immediately after saying he was grateful to him? And why was he being so pushy on the subject? All of a sudden, the theory that he might be some kind of changeling in disguise began to have some merit again.
Looking back, he saw that neither Heller nor Shining Armor had moved a muscle. Heller, despite the blade at his neck, didn’t look to be worried in the slightest, staring at it impassively as if it was a simple fly that had landed on his arm. Sweat collected on Sabre Bolts brow as he watched, not having the slightest clue of what was going to happen. He just prayed that whatever it was, he was fast enough to get out of the crossfire. There was silence in the field, as all earlier conversations between the guards had ceased, each of them watching with equal anticipation of who would make the first move.
Everyone’s hearts began to race as Heller’s arm slowly began to rise. Lightly gripping the tip of the sword in his fingers, he gradually removed it away from his neck. Releasing the blade once it was a fair distance away, he stared into Shining Armor’s eyes one last time, before saying two words that nearly had him drop the blade in shock.
“Not interested.”
With that said, he turned on his heels and made his way back to the castle.
“What the- Heller!”
Heller, still walking away, casually responded, “Yeah?”
“So that’s it? You’re running away scared?” he mocked.
Instead of getting riled up like he expected, the Marine just kept walking. “It ain’t that I’m scared, it’s that I don’t wanna deal with the headache.”
“What do you mean?” he asked, which elicited a sigh from the man as he came to a complete hault.
He looked at Shining Armor over his shoulder, and as if talking to a child, responded slowly, “Let’s say we do fight; if you end up getting killed or seriously maimed, who do you think is gonna get blamed?” He pointed a finger at himself. “Me. And who do you think is gonna be bitched at by about four different females for letting you get hurt?” Once again, he pointed at himself. “That’s right, me. Your sister’s voice is annoying enough without her yelling at me, and I don’t need to add your wife’s voice to the mix either. That’s not even getting into the fucking lecture I’m gonna get from Celestia and Luna.” He shook his head at the image. “So yeah, as much I would like have a dick-waving contest with you, I prefer having my ears not bleeding like a fucking waterfall. So if you don’t mind-“ Convinced he had gotten his point across, he continued on his original path.
He had taken all of five steps before he was, unsurprisingly, called again. “Heller!”
With a trace of irritation in his voice, he replied, “Look Shining Armor, I’m not about to take part in your stupid little-“
“I’m trying to help you, you idiot!”
He stopped again, and this time, he turned around fully. “What are you talking about?”
“Heller,” he sighed, stabbing his blade into the ground. “Let me ask you something: when you get to Ponyville, and you take that first step out of the carriage, what is the first thing the townsfolk are going to see?”
“A six foot tall monster?”
“Well, there’s that. But what they’re also going to see is an enraged six foot tall monster. And do you know what they’re going to do once they see you show up looking like you plan on slaughtering everypony in town?”
“Piss themselves?”
“Yes, and that’s exactly what we don’t want happening.”
“We don’t?”
“No Heller, we want them to trust you.”
“We do?”
Shining Armor resisted the very tempting urge to slam his hoof into his face. “Heller let me put it this way: do you want to spend the entire week there with only Pinkie Pie to keep you company?”
Heller’s eyes widened in what he would surely deny was fear, and rapidly shook his head. “In that case, you’re going to have to make sure your second impression in Ponyville goes much better than your first. Twilight and the Princess were right about one thing Heller: If you’re going to be staying there, you’re going to have to learn to trust the townfolk and they’re going to have to do the same for you. Otherwise... you’re going to be miserable,” he said with as much sympathy as he could.
“I’m already going to be miserable,” he muttered bitterly.
“Not if you get them to trust you. Ponyville is a very close-knit community and if you can get them to accept you, you’ll be surprised at how quickly they’ll start treating you like family.” The bitter look on Heller’s face softened somewhat at the word ‘family.’ “Come on Heller, do you really want a frightened scream to be the only reaction you get out of ponies every time they see you? Wouldn’t it be nicer to receive a kind smile and maybe a ‘hello’ instead?
“And how is us beating the shit out of each other supposed to help me be ‘friendly'?” he asked, completely missing the logic (if there was any) behind Shining Armor’s plan.
“It’s not, well, not completely anyway. You’re going to have to do that yourself. But this-” Grabbing hold of the blade, he pulled it out of the ground and pointed it in Heller’s direction. “-will help you. It has to do with that whole second impression thing I was talking about. When you get to Ponyville we want everypony to trust you, and to get started on that, we’re going to need to get rid of that scowl that seems to be permanently stuck to your face half the time. That’s why we’re going to have our little spar. In my line of work, I’ve found that there’s no greater cure for stress than a good fight. It works wonders for my men and hopefully it will be effective in getting rid of that pent-up rage inside of you.”
“... I guess that makes sense,” he muttered to himself, though he still looked unsure.
“Trust me Heller, it works. So, you up for it?”
“I don’t know.” He sighed, scratching the back of his head. “You sure you’re up for this? You’re fighting me after all and if you end up getting hurt-“
“It’s starting to sound like you’re underestimating me, Heller,” he interrupted, his voice low. “I’m not some inexperienced rookie, I’m the Captain of the Royal Guard. Do you know that means? That means that out of the literally thousands of potential candidates, Princess Celestia chose me as the strongest, the fastest, the wisest, and the most capable of them all. I’ve faced the deadliest creatures Equestrias had to offer and I’ve always come out on top. True, I’ve never singlehandedly slain dragons like you have, but I have faced them before- multiple times in fact. The fact that I survived an encounter with just once should tell you all you need to know about my skills. But if you still doubt my abilities-“
His grip on the sword tightened as he shifted into a fighting stance.
“-I’ll gladly demonstrate them to you first hand.”
Despite the boldness of his words, he could still see the traces of uncertainty in Heller’s eyes. Sighing, he lowered his blade again. “Heller, would you relax? You’re not going to hurt me. We have some of the most skilled doctors employed in the castle, all of them experts in the use of healing spells. If by some chance I do get injured, they’ll be able to fix me up no problem, so long as you don’t take my head off or something. There, you happy now?”
“What are you gonna tell your family when they ask how you got hurt?” he asked, still hesitant.
“Oh, so this is more about you not wanting to get in trouble than about me getting injured, is that it?” he replied in mock anger.
The Marine smirked. “Like I said, your sister’s voice is annoying.”
Despite the insult to his younger sibling, Shining Armor found himself smirking as well. “I’ll tell them I fell down a flight of stairs and that you carried me to safety in your big, strong arms. They’ll all be so busy laughing at the image that they won’t even bother to doubt it.” The two soldiers shared a good laugh themselves.
‘These two are absolutely insane,’ thought the long since forgotten Sabre Bolt.
“So Heller, what do you say?” Shining Armor asked again, grinning excitedly. “You up for it?”
Slamming a fist into his palm, Heller looked down at the unicorn looking equally as excited. “Tch, what the hell? I’ve got about 15 minutes left till I’ve gotta leave, so this should at least kill some time.” His grin grew slightly cocky. “Course, that begs the question of what I’m gonna do for the remaining 14 minutes.”
“Don’t worry, times going to fly right by while you’re in the infirmary.” He shifted back into his earlier fighting stance, that same grin never once leaving his face. “Sabre Bolt!”
“Yes Captain!”
“I’m going to need you to start us off. You might want to get some distance, though,” he warned, never once taking his eyes off his opponent.
“R-right!” He wasted no time in breaking off into a sprint, wanting to get as much distance between these two maniacs as possible.
Stopping at what he believed to be a reasonable enough distance, he turned back to see that the two combatants hadn’t moved from their spots. “Are you both ready?!” he yelled.
“Not yet!” Shining Armor shouted back before fixing Heller a look. “Let’s set some ground rules Heller. In the spirit of fairness, I think we should set some restrictions on what we can and can't use. Seeing as how I'm using a sword, it's only fair that you get to use your blade and only your blade. That means no dragon armor, no fire breathing, no tentacles, no giant fist... thingies, and no anything else that Twilight told me about last night. Blades. Only. Understand?”
A dismissive scoff was his response. “You think I’m gonna waste my heavy-duty shit on you? Don’t kid yourself junior, all I need is the blade to take you down. Probably not even that. But if I can’t go all out, you can’t either. That means no telekinesis or paralysis. Deal?”
Shining Armors smirk answered that question. “Deal. But don’t think that’s going to give you any kind of real advantage, you’re still going to lose.”
“Whatever you say kid,” His right arm went through the familiar morphing process, and seconds later, the massive blade stood proudly in its place. “Whatever you say.”
“Pl-Please tell me I’m not the only one who saw that?” asked one horrified guard.
“I thought that was just a rumor…” said another, his eyes glued on the impossibly huge blade.
“Does the captain have some kind of death wish?” a third guard questioned, his confidence in Shining Armor's chances of victory taking a serious nosedive.
If Shining Armor heard these concerns he didn’t show it. “Sabre Bolt, ready when you are.”
Sabre Bolt, whose face had paled considerably the moment he laid eyes on the butcher knife of a blade attached to Heller’s arm, gaped. “C-captain, are you sure? I mean this guy could-“
Shining Armor turned his gaze towards the young soldier and in an instant he felt his voice leave him. Sabre Bolt wasn’t the most astute pony in the world, not by a long shot, but he had served under Shining Armor long enough to recognize that look in his eyes. Several rookie soldiers, including him, had been on the receiving end of it more than once whether it was to voice objections to a questionable strategy or simply to complain about training. No matter the circumstances, all the captain had to do was point “that” look in their direction and immediately all complaints ceased. No words needed to be said, the message was quite clear:
This is non-negotiable. Either follow my orders or get out.
Swallowing the lump in his throat, he sent a desperate look towards the rest of the gathered guards, silently begging them to say something, anything to stop this.
All he received in response were somber stares and head shakes. The captain wouldn’t stop no matter how many of them objected.
Desperate, he gave Heller the same pleading look, praying that the Marine would find it in himself not to go through with this fight - a fight that Shining Armor had absolutely no chance of winning.
Instead, the human seemed to be doing everything in his power to ignore everything around him, his steely gaze aimed entirely on the captain.
Sighing in defeat, the young stallion dejectedly shook his head, ‘No other choice then.’
Raising his head to meet his commanders’ eyes, Shining Armor said nothing, but a slow nod of his head told him all he needed to know. ‘Captain, I hope you know what you’re doing.’
Slowly, he raised one hoof into the air, his voice booming to address all those present “Are both combatants ready?”
Shining Armor nodded. “Ready!”
Heller said nothing, but a slow nod of his head was all the reassurance that was needed.
“All right. Heller, since this is your first duel let me do a quick review of the rules. The duel ends when either you or your opponent is either disarmed or rendered unable to battle through injury. Once that call is made, the duel is over. Attempting to attack your opponent after said call or killing your opponent is absolutely forbidden, and will result in disciplinary action such as suspension, expulsion from the guards, or even arrest.” In the back of his mind, voices were screaming at him that none of those punishments would affect Heller in any way, and thus, he had no reason to hold back, but said voices were squashed as quickly as they came. “Do you understand these rules Heller?”
Again, a silent nod.
“Alright then.” He paused a moment to wipe the sweat from his brow. “No going back now.”
‘Look at me; freaking out like this and I’m not even the one fighting,’ he chuckled to himself, though the humor was short-lived.
The other guards weren’t looking any better. At first glance one would never guess that these were the fearless, stone-faced defenders of Equestria what with their clenched teeth and darting eyes. A few of the more veteran guards managed to keep their cool, calmly observing the two combatants without breaking character, save for a few worried glances in Shining Armors direction when they felt he wasn’t looking.
The two soldiers in the middle of the field didn’t concern themselves with the others. They weren’t even a blip on each other’s radar. Just like before, their eyes were focused only on each other, a tension in the air that was nearly tangible and that made all other battles on this field look like playground scuffles in comparison. Nothing was said between the two of them. Nothing needed to be said. Their blades would soon speak for them. As Heller’s eyes met Shining Armors, a silent agreement was made between them. No matter who won...
“If both combatants are ready-”
...or who lost...
“-then let this duel-“
...they were gonna get wasted as fuck when it was over.
“-begin!”
And that was it.
All anypony saw was a black blur followed by the sound of steel meeting steel.
Heller’s attack had been fast - so fast that had it been any other pony it would have been nearly impossible to block.
Luckily, Shining Armor was not just any other pony.
With blinding speed the young captain had managed to raise his blade above his head, countering Heller’s downward strike, the two blades meeting in a thundering clash. He was standing on his hind legs now, front hooves gripping the hilt like iron as he mustered all the strength he could to keep the massive blade from coming down on him.
As the two warriors struggled for dominance, Heller carefully observed the area of Shining Armor’s sword where his blade had struck. He noted with some surprise the lack of a single scratch or crack anywhere on the surface of the blade.
‘Huh, he wasn’t lying, this sword is tough.’ Meeting his opponents’ eyes, he allowed a small grin to play across his face. ‘Guess it’s time to stop holding back then.’
The smile that crossed Heller’s face caused every warning bell in Shining Armors head to go off at max volume. ‘Run,’ they screeched at him, ‘Run and get as far away from him as possible.’
Not one to ignore his senses, Shining used all his strength to push Heller away, leaping backwards to put some distance between the two of them. Something about that smile was-
Something smashed into his stomach with tremendous force, the impact knocking the air out of his lungs and launching him off his hooves. Landing on his back, he rolled on impact, stopping just a few feet away from where Heller stood with his fist outstretched.
‘By Luna’s Moon he’s fast!’ His breathing was coming out in ragged gasps, the effects of Heller devastating blow evident. He had barely begun to get his footing again before Heller was on him, blade at a horizontal swing aimed directly at the unicorn’s stomach. Once again it was met by Shining Armor’s blade, only this time the force of the blow sent him sliding backwards several feet, his hooves leaving grooves in the earth as he slid. Coming to a stop, he wasn’t even given a chance to collect himself before being forced to parry another crushing blow, followed by another and another, each strike slowly pushing the stallion back.
‘This guy is a monster!’ He intercepted another strike that was aimed for his head, grunting as the impact sent him sliding back another several feet.
This was bad. Heller was relentless, giving him very little room to breathe and absolutely no chance to think up a strategy or counterattack. It was taking all his focus and reflexes just to react to the barrage of attacks in time and all his strength went into making sure his blade wasn’t ripped from his hooves with each monstrous blow.
He was losing. Despite his superior skill and training he was losing.
A fist slammed into his cheek, sending him crashing to the ground once again. Taking advantage of his opponents’ vulnerable state, Heller raised his blade into the air before quickly bringing it down on the defenseless unicorn. Not wasting a second, Shining rolled to the side, the attack leaving a deep gash in the earth where he once laid. He was on his hooves in an instant, just in time to duck under the next slash aimed at his head and leaping back to avoid another one that nearly cleaved him in two.
He couldn’t afford to block any longer, not unless he wanted his forelegs to still stay attached to his body. His usual fighting style definitely wouldn’t work, not against someone like Heller. Against him, fighting at anything less than full strength would have been suicidal. He was completely on the defensive and if things didn’t turn around soon, defeat would be inevitable.
‘So that’s how you want to play, huh Heller?’ Darting to the side, he avoided Heller’s attempt to run him through, the blade slicing harmlessly through the air. Leaping backwards, he managed to put some distance between the two of them, though he knew in the end it was ultimately meaningless. Already, Heller was rushing at him, his deadly blade glinting in the sunlight.
‘No other choice then.’ He steeled himself, eyes narrowed in concentration. He positioned the blade directly in front of him, hilt held like a lifeline. ‘I can’t outsmart you, so I’ll just have to match your brute strength with my own!’
Then, much to the shock and horror of all present, he met Heller’s charge with his own.
‘Has he lost his mind?!’ Nearly a hundred voices screamed in their heads.
‘How has he not figured out that fighting me head on won’t work?!’ Heller shook his head, unable to grasp what in the hell the other soldier was possibly thinking. He knew Shining Armor was smarter than this, so what would possess him to just charge right in? Was it some kind of trap?
The distance between the two of them was getting shorter and shorter, with Shining showing no sign of slowing down. ‘Fuck it, I don’t have a choice. Just gotta keep my guard up, and watch out for whatever he’s planning.’
Just as the two seemed ready to crash into one another, Heller suddenly threw his arm forward, the tip of the blade making a beeline towards Shining Armor, who in turn countered with a very simple, albeit powerful, swing.
‘Should of thought this through better, kid.’ He thought, disappointed at his opponents less than stellar “plan”.
Had he shifted his eyes just a few inches upward, he would have a seen a glow emanating from Shining’s horn.
For what seemed like the hundredth time that day their blades met...
BOOM!
...And a massive magenta explosion devastated the field.
The other guards, mouths agape, could do nothing but watch as Heller was sent flying, his body helplessly tumbling though the air. Soon he began to descend and with nothing to slow his fall, he crashed into the ground full force, kicking up dirt and grass as the ground shattered from the impact. Where before he and Shining had been fighting nearly at the other end of the field, the explosion had knocked him several yards back, landing mere feet away from where the guards stood near the doorway.
From his position on the ground, Heller blinked several times in order to clear the stars from his eyes. ‘What. The hell. Was that?’
Pain assaulting his body from every direction, he slowly pulled himself out of his makeshift crater, silently cursing with each sore muscle that was forced to move. Training his sight on the unicorn that now stood so far away, his eyes trailed downwards and came to a stop at the blade resting in Shining Armors hoof.
A blade that was now sheathed in a familiar magenta glow.
Whether from pain, anger, or some combination of the two, Heller’s next words came out in a low growl. “What. The. Fuck, man?! I though we agreed no magic!”
Shining Armor regarded him calmly, which if anything enraged him even more. “Actually, I believe your exact word were ‘no telekinesis or paralysis.’ This is neither of those things. It’s an offensive spell designed to add a bit more 'oomph' to an attack. Works wonders doesn’t?”
“Fuck. You.” Even from this distance, Shining could see the flames licking the inside of his mouth. He was literally trembling with rage, his face a mask of such righteous fury that Shining Armor half expected him to forget their deal and burn him to a crisp in a single burst of dragon fire. “Fuck you and your smug bullshit. We agreed no magic!”
Shining Armor countered Heller’s glare with one of his own. “That may sound like a fair fight to you Heller, but what you seem to have overlooked is that without my magic, all I have to fall back on are my sword and training. You on the other hoof are strong enough to lay a beat down on a dragon, fast enough to catch Rainbow Dash off guard, and durable enough to survive a direct hit from a lightning bolt. Heck, outside of the princesses, I don’t think there’s anypony in Equestria who can even hope to fight on par with you.”
The unicorns’ words seemed to be getting through to him; his shaking had ceased and little by little the rage left his face, replaced by a grim frown. He said nothing, but Shining Armor could at least tell he saw the truth in his words. “The point of this duel isn’t to see who would win or who would lose. I know that-“ He grimaced, almost as if the next words were painful to say. “-I know that in an all-out brawl...you’d win easily. What I’m trying to do here is help you release some of your pent-up anger, otherwise you’re going to explode the moment you get to Ponyville. I need to push you to your limit and I can’t do that without magic. I know-“
“I get it". He finally spoke, an irritated edge to his voice. With an ever-present scowl on his face he responded, “As much as I don’t want admit it, you’re right. Without magic, this fight won’t last long.” Shining could have sworn he heard the tiniest bit of bragging in his voice. “Fine!” He threw his hands up dramatically. “Use your little power up, but that is it! No other spells are allowed, got it?!"
He nodded. “Got it. Now then...” He pointed the glowing blade in Heller’s direction, the corners of his mouth twisting upwards. “...where were we?”
In a flash he was gone, rock and grass crushed in his mad charge. “You were currently in the delicate process of becoming my bitch!”
In mere seconds he had crossed the entire length of the field, only inches away from a patiently awaiting Shining Armor, his expression firm. With a roar, Heller practically threw himself at the stallion, blade poised for a powerful strike.
At the last second, Shining shot into the air, Heller’s blade missing him completely. Instead, the weapons rack directly behind being him was reduced to splinters in his stead, much to the chagrin of the observing guards. Disregarding their protests of expensive equipment needing to be replaced, Heller trained his sight on the airborne stallion. A split-second later his eyes widened and he jumped back, narrowly avoiding the glowing tip of Shining Armor’s blade as it collided with the ground.
Unfortunately, the same couldn’t be said for the explosion that followed soon after.
The shockwave knocked him backwards, his body bouncing off the ground like a pebble on water before coming to a painful stop almost exactly where he was before.
‘Okay.’ he groaned, once again peeling himself off the ground.‘Stay the fuck away from the glowing sword.’
As if reading his mind (and taking monumental pleasure in proving him wrong), Shining Armor held the blade horizontal to his body, the tip pointed directly at Heller. “Might want to get a move on Heller, it’s not just close-range where I have the advantage.” With that, he thrust the blade forward...
...And a magenta bolt the size of a minivan shot out like a bullet.
Tired, injured, and far too slow to dodge in time, Heller could only mutter three words as the bolt neared him:
“Oh, fuck me.”
Slamming into him with the force of a freight train, Heller’s world knew nothing but pain.
The blast carried his body away, rocketing in the direction of the assembled guards who only now realized that maybe they should get out of the way. Scattering like ants, the blast passed harmlessly through their ranks, zooming past the still open doors, and disappearing into the pitch-black darkness of the castle walls.
A few seconds later a muffled ‘boom’ was heard, followed by silence.
For several tense seconds, no words were exchanged between the guards, all of them unsure of what to expect next. A few tentatively peeked into the castle, eyes straining to find any hint of the human among the darkness.
Sabre Bolt joined them, his eyes combing the darkness for any sign of movement. “Uh, Heller?” he nervously shouted out.
Receiving nothing but silence he tried again. “You in there?”
Again, silence.
“Hello?”
The darkness remained undisturbed.
Slightly panicking, Sabre Bolt whipped his head around to stare at Shining Armor with wide eyes. “C-Captain, maybe you went a bit too far. I think he’s dea-“
“Sabre Bolt.” Shining’s voice was eerily calm. “Move.”
Before Sabre could even question what he meant, a guard quickly grabbed him and pulled him away from the entrance. A split-second later, Heller practically flew out of the castle charging at Shining Armor like a bull on a rampage.
“You cheating motherfucker!”
“I didn’t cheat,” he stated matter-of-factly, seemingly unconcerned of the raging beast currently closing in on him. “I just extended the spell casing my sword outward as a kinetic blast. It’s the same spell, just a different variation. There’s no rule against that.” Not waiting for him to respond, he thrust his sword forward, launching another blast in Heller’s direction.
Eye widening, he dashed to the side, the attack passing right by him and once again making the guards scatter to avoid it. Not missing a beat, Shining Armor released two more bolts in rapid succession, both of which Heller avoided by rolling to the side. Next he fired three bolts, then four, then five. Eventually, Heller just stopped counting and focused his attention on the more important task of trying not to get flattened.
“This. Is. Such. Bullshit!” he shouted, punctuating each word with a leap, a roll, or flip. Shining Armor paid no mind to Heller’s displeasure, his sword and foreleg nearly a blur as he launched bolt after bolt at the fleeing human.
Now finding himself in a position not unlike the one Shining Armor was in a few minutes ago, Heller considered his options. ‘Think Heller, think! There’s got to be some way to turn this around, to get close enough to finish this in one good, solid blow- WHOA!.’ He slammed his foot into the ground, the heels of his shoes destroying dirt and grass. He came to a screeching halt just in time to avoid the magical blast that whizzed by right in front of him. It smashed into the wall instead, leaving a sizeable crater in its wake. ‘Damn!’ He promptly picked up speed, narrowly avoiding the next blast. ‘He’s getting better at reading my movements. If I hadn’t stopped when I did...’ He shook his head. ‘There has got to be a way to be a way to get that sword away from him. Maybe I can- OH SHIT!’ One bolt passed dangerously close to his head, literally inches away. He was so caught off guard that he briefly lost his footing and Shining Armor wasted no time in taking advantage of his slip up.
“Oh fuc-!”
In that next second, Heller recalled three things happening.
A blinding magenta light.
An explosion of pain.
A scream.
It wasn’t until he felt the crushing pain of his body smashing into solid concrete that he realized that last one had come from him.
For a brief moment, he didn’t speak. He didn’t move. He didn’t even blink. He just laid there in stunned silence, mouth open, his arms spread out like wings, and his body completely embedded into the wall. His blade had disappeared, having reformed back into his human hand though he hardly seemed to have noticed.
He had no idea how long he had been lying there; it could have been five minutes or even five seconds. He didn’t know. His body was in such a state of unbelievable pain that he could hardly even think about it. What he did know was that he was in the middle of a fight – a fight he was going to lose if he didn’t get out of this damn wall.
He tried to think, to ignore the pain that now overrode his senses, but such a task was proving more and more difficult by the moment. The darkness slowly creeping into his vision, darkness that he frantically fought against in order to stay conscious, wasn’t helping matters. His body, no matter how much he forced it, refused to obey his commandments to move. He couldn’t even get a finger to twitch. The only part of his body he could move were his eyes which, considering he couldn’t move his head, meant all he could do was stare ahead.
Unfortunately, that left him no choice but to make eye contact with the very last per- pony he wanted to see in this position.
Not able to look away, but refusing to give Shining Armor the pleasure of seeing him helpless, he glared at the unicorn with as much hatred and defiance as he could muster, daring him to laugh.
After about half a minute passed without even a smirk from the unicorn, his glare disappeared and was replaced with a confused frown. He had been positive Shining would take this chance to mock him, probably making some crack about how he had Heller his bitch. But nothing, nada, zip.
No jokes, no laugh, no chortle, not even an amused smile.
He just stared blankly at him, the magenta sheathed blade still pointed in his direction. Besides the rising and lowering of his chest, he didn’t move a muscle.
‘Why isn’t he attacking? His sword still has that spell on it, so he can’t be out of magic. Is he waiting to see my next move? No, that doesn’t make any sense, I’m pinned to a fucking wall! My next move is obviously going to be to get out and kick his ass so why doesn’t he- Oh fuck it, why am I even thinking about this?'
Throwing the thought aside, Heller chose to take advantage of Shining Armor’s momentary inactivity and tried once again to free himself.
He was much more successful this time around; the pain had dulled somewhat thanks to his healing and he was actually able to get a few fingers moving. With a bit more effort he was able to regain movement in his left hand, followed by the entire arm. He did the same with the rest of his limbs, slowly gaining more control of them as the pain throughout his body lessened. Through all of this, Shining Armor had lowered his blade, holding it at his side, but still made no move to attack, only puzzling the Marine even further.
This continued for another minute, which by then he had managed to regain mobility in all his limbs. ‘Alright, the hard parts over at least. Now to get myself out of this damn wall.’ Gritting his teeth, he put all his effort into freeing himself from the wall. First an arm was jerked free, followed by a leg. Then, with an audible grunt, he wrenched himself free from his makeshift prison. His joy lasted only a moment, for as soon as he planted his feet on the ground, a feeling of fatigue washed over his body like wildfire and despite his best effort, he collapsed to his knees in a huff.
Cursing under his breath as he fell, Heller only now realized that that blast taken a lot more out of him than he had previously assumed. While his healing may have been powerful enough to heal any physical wounds he sustained, it was apparently useless in rejuvenating lost stamina. He was experiencing an extremely rare bout of exhaustion and it was taking everything he had to not just close his eyes and let blissful unconsciousness take him away. Honestly, the only thing keeping him standing was the thought of Shining Armor’s mocking face as he bragged to all that could hear him how he had singlehandedly defeated the Killer of Dragons, James Heller.
As exceedingly horrifying as that thought was, it was becoming quite clear that there was absolutely nothing he could do to stop it. It was a difficult task just getting his body to move, let alone fight, while his opponent seemed to no worse for wear aside from a few dark bruises marring his white fur. Not to mention...
His eyes fell on the magenta coated blade.
...He couldn’t take another one of those blasts. One more hit like that and it was over.
Which made it all the more surprising that Shining Armor wasn’t currently unleashing a hailstorm of magical energy on him at the moment. He was defenseless, literally on his knees, and with no way dodge any attack the unicorn chose to send his way. But Shining Armor just stared at him, body rigid like a statue and his expression completely unreadable.
Honestly? It was starting to get a little creepy, especially since he couldn’t tell what the hell he was thinking. He was pretty good at reading a person’s body language and making accurate guesses on what was going on in their heads. It was one of his many traits that both fascinated and at times, annoyed Colette due to him somehow always knowing what she was thinking before she did.
But now, looking at Shining Armor, he was getting nothing. It was like trying to read the expression of a wall.
“Well?” He growled, breaking the silence that had permeated the air. “You gonna sit there checking me out all day...” With a pained grunt he forced one knee up. Leaning on it for support, he forced his other leg up. Slowly, he stood to his full height, his imposing figure towering over Shining Armor "...Or are we gonna finish this shit?”
It was a bluff and he knew it. Anyone with eyes could see that he was in no condition to fight; hell it was taking all his energy just to stay standing. As much as he hated to admit, he was going to lose this one... but he wasn’t going to make it easy. If Shining Armor wanted victory, he was going to have to work his ass off to get it.
He was a Marine and if he went down, he was going to go down showing this asshole what the fuck that meant.
“Come on!” He spread his arms out, practically handing Shining Armor an invitation to strike. “Hit me with your best shot motherfucker!”
Narrowing his eyes into slits and apparently accepting Heller’s challenge, Shining Armor pointed his weapon in Heller’s direction.
Instinctively tensing up, he steeled his body for the incoming magical blast. Glaring defiantly at the unicorn, he sent him a silent message of his refusal to be intimidated, even in his battered state. ‘Bring it on you motherfucker.’
Shining Armor drew his arm back...and placed the sword back in its sheath.
“It’s over.”
.......
“WHAT!?”
“It’s over,” he repeated in the same tone of voice as before. Without even waiting for Heller to form a response, he turned on his hooves and made his way back to the castle.
‘Five, four, three, two…’
“SHINING ARMOR!”
‘Right on time.’
The intensity of Heller’s cry made every guard jump back in shock, but Shining Armor’s only response was to lazily turn his head in Heller’s direction, raising one eyebrow but saying nothing.
Taking his silence as a cue to speak, Heller kept his voice as cool and collected as humanely possible as he asked, “Where the hell are you going?”
“Didn’t you just hear me? I said it’s over,” he answered, as if it explained everything.
Gritting his teeth at the lack of an explanation, Heller fought hard not to yell his next question. “What do you mean it’s over?”
“I mean it’s over. Done with. Finished. In other words, I won.”
“Bullshit!” he screamed, all restraint gone now. “I’m still standing!”
“Yeah, barely. I can see through your tough guy act Heller. You’re five second away from blacking out on the spot and you know it. Heck, after getting hit with two kinetic blasts it’s a miracle you’re not comatose right now and I don’t want to even think about what a third one could do to you. I’m ending this before you end up suffering permanent damage or worse.”
“You don’t get to decide that!”
“I just did.” Heller’s body bristled at the decisive tone in his voice, as if his word was law and that Heller was expected to follow it mindlessly and without debate.
But the next words were what really set him off.
“And make sure to get yourself checked into the infirmary. The carriage should be ready to go in less than ten minutes and I expect you to be there. Understood?”
That was it. ‘You...arrogant, ass-kissing, cocksucking, piss-drinking, smart-assed, bitch-whipped, fucktarded, motherfucking, DICKHEAD!
Shining Armor had only taken a few steps forward before he was once again stopped, this time by an all too familiar noise. ‘And here he goes.’
Slowly, he turned to face his presumably defeated opponent, his mouth twisting into a scowl when he spotted a curved blade where an arm should be. “Please don’t.”
Heller said nothing, his only response being to glare at the stallion before shifting into a fighting stance.
“You’re really going to do this aren’t you?”
Heller didn’t answer, he didn’t need to. Shining knew the answer to that question before he even asked it.
Sighing, and knowing that trying to talk to the human would be essentially pointless, Shining Armor unsheathed his blade once again. “Fine. If knocking you out is the only way to end this, then so be it. Just remember that you brought this on yourself.”
He didn’t even bother getting into his own fighting stance. What was the point? He’d finish him off with a single kinetic blast and be done with it.
Drawing his arm back, Shining Armor felt the need to give Heller one final comment before his inevitable defeat. “When you wake up in the infirmary, think hard about how you’re going to explain this to the princesses cause I’m sure not.” With nothing more to say he thrust his arm forward, his final kinetic blast launching forth from the blade.
Shining Armor stared on impassively as the magenta bullet rocketed towards Heller at blinding speed. He hadn’t wanted it to end like this, but of course Heller had to be a stubborn mule and force his hoof. He just hoped his impressive durability held up for a third time and he was only knocked out by the blast.
The bolt was only seconds away from making contact, and just as he was about to call out to Sabre Bolt to declare him the winner, Heller did the unexpected.
Now Shining Armor had expected either one of two things to happen once the bolt got within striking distance of Heller; the first, which was very unlikely, was that he would dodge the initial blast, in which case he left himself open for a barrage of following blasts that he would have no chance to avoid. Again, considering he was barely standing, that was unlikely to happen. The second possibility, and the one that was very likely considering his stubbornness, was that he would try to tank the blast with his body like the headstrong idiot he was. In either scenario, Heller ended up unconscious and he came out the victor.
What Shining Armor did not expect was that Heller would choose a third option i.e. striking the bolt with the edge of his blade.
And the fact that it worked he expected even less.
Well, kind of worked. While he had indeed stopped the blast dead in its tracks, he was visibly struggling to hold it back, its power forcing him backwards inch by inch. Still, the fact that he wasn’t immediately sent flying was cause for concern.
The fact that he and the bolt were actually slowing down? Also cause for concern.
Had Shining Armor been less composed, his jaw would have dropped to the floor. Instead, he chose to mentally ask the question that was on the mind of every single guard who just witnessed this impossible feat:
‘How in Tartarus is he doing that?!’
‘How the hell am I doing this?!’
Heller had no idea what possessed him to strike the bolt with his blade. He was honestly just winging it and half expected to be blown away the moment his blade and the bolt collided. Instead, he found himself being pushed back by what felt like a tank and was fighting desperately to make sure he didn’t end up being splattered on the wall again.
‘Come on.’ The massive bolt was mere inches from touching his face, the only thing keeping it from colliding with him being his colossal blade serving as a makeshift barrier. ‘Come on!’
The soles of his feet left twin trails of ruined earth in his wake as the bolt pushed him back further and further without any signs of stopping. He brought up his free hand and pressed it against the edge of the blade for support, hissing in pain as the sharp edge cut into his gloved palm, streams of crimson blood rushing down his hand. It hurt, but compared to what he had endured before and what he would endure again if he didn’t stop this thing, it felt like little more than a bee sting.
He couldn’t let up, not now, not when he was so close! Not after he had just been talked down to as if he was some goddamn rookie! If there was one thing he hated more than being ordered around by some asshole, it was being ordered around by some asshole who showed him no respect. Whether or not Shining Armor meant for it to sound that way it didn’t matter: he had committed the ultimate sin in his book and now, he was going to pay. He was going to stop this thing. He was going to rip that fucking sword right out his hooves. Then he was going to shove the damn thing far up his ass.
Once again, he felt rage flow through his very being, and once again he used that rage to push back harder than he had ever pushed before.
Slowly, painfully slowly, the momentum of the bolt began to decrease, eventually slowing down to a crawl.
Ten seconds later, he came to a complete stop, his back only five inches away from coming into contact with the wall.
This time, Shining Armor’s mouth did drop. ‘That’s...not possible!’
What followed next was doubly so.
With one powerful swing and an accompanying shout, the bolt was completely annihilated, exploding into a brilliant display of magenta sparks that hung in the air for a few seconds before dissipating.
By this point Shining’s jaw might as well have been touching the floor.
On the other side of the field, Heller was smiling from ear to ear. Sure, his hand was bleeding like a hydrant and his legs felt like jelly that was just about to melt, but he was still conscious and that was good enough for him.
That, and Shining Armor’s slack jawed reaction more than made up for the pain.
Readying his blade in front of him, Heller’s next words sent chills down the spines of all who heard them, not helped by the predatory grin that threatened to split his face apart. “My turn, asshole!”
He was gone before any of them knew what happened, crossing several yards of field in mere seconds.
Quickly regaining his composure, Shining Armor launched another bolt at the rampaging human. Heller waited till the last second before striking the incoming projectile with his blade, becoming locked in yet another power struggle. Only this time, it took Heller all of five seconds to completely overpower the missile and reduce it to nothingness just like before.
Shining fired another, this one only slowing him down for three seconds.
The following blast - one second.
The next one didn’t slow him down at all. He just sliced clean through it and kept going.
Heller was rapidly closing the distance the two of them and Shining was rapidly running out of ideas. No matter how many he sent, no matter how fast he sent them, no matter how much magic he poured into them, Heller cut them down, each time quicker than the last. Once again he found himself on the defensive, only this time he doubted he’d be able to loophole his way of this one.
Baring his teeth, he concentrated a vast amount of magic into his weapon before launching what was easily his largest bolt yet. Dwarfing even the castle walls in size, it sped towards Heller no less faster than the others, its massive size guaranteeing that the Marine would have no chance to avoid it.
Unfortunately for Shining Armor, he didn’t intend to.
Smiling confidently, Heller picked up speed seemingly planning to charge head-first into the colossal mass of energy. Just as it seemed the two were about to collide, Heller threw his blade arm forward, the tip smashing dead center.
What happened next was almost too surreal for Shining Armor to handle. Right before his eyes his blast, his most powerful blast, came to a complete and utter stop, almost as if it had slammed into some kind of invisible barrier. Then as if somepony had stuck a needle into a balloon, the blast “popped” into a dazzling shower of shimmering lights.
A beautiful sight really, though overall harmless.
‘You’ve got to be bucking kidding me!’ He mentally cried, trying and failing to maintain a clear head. No matter what he did, no matter what he threw at him, Heller just kept coming! Trying to stop him was like trying to stop Pinkie Pie from twisting the laws of physics and turning it into a bucking toy! He was running low on ideas and worst of all, low on magic. He had enough for maybe a few more bolts, all of which were pretty much useless at this point. There was nothing he could do!
No. There is one thing.’ He gazed at the blade in his hoof, a plan starting to formulate in his head. ‘It’s a long shot and using it will drain what little magic I have let. If it fails, its game over.’ Heller was practically on him now. In less than 30 seconds he’d be within striking distance and then-
‘-its game over anyway.’ He let out an uneasy sigh. ‘So really, what do I have to lose?’
His mind made up, Shining closed his eyes and concentrated. A magenta aura began to emanate from his horn, quickly growing in intensity as he summoned more and more magic from his body and concentrated it into his horn. Soon, the glow grew to near blinding levels of intensity, and even Heller was forced to stop dead in his tracks in order to shield his eyes. At the same time, the magical sheathe that enveloped Shining’s sword began to glow at a similar level. It grew to such an extent that the blade was no longer visible and any outside observer wouldn’t have been faulted for assuming he was wielding a sword made of pure light.
Cerulean eyes slowly opened, power flowing behind them. Men of lesser nerve might have been intimidated but his steely gaze. Heller didn’t even break a sweat matching his glare with one of his own.
No words were exchanged between them. None were needed. They both knew how this was going to end. Despite this, their eyes held no resentment or hate. On the contrary their respect for each other had only increased tenfold (even if they’d never admit it). Through this battle they learned more about each other through their swords than could ever be learned through words. They had many differences obviously - different personalities, fighting styles, beliefs, loyalties. But through all the differences, all the conflicting personalities, they discovered one - and only one - thing they had in common.
They both hated to lose.
Silently, they gave one last nod of respect to each other.
Then they charged.
Holding the radiating blade at his side, Shining Armor moved faster than he ever thought he could on two legs. ‘I won’t lose. Not to him!’
His body practically a blur, Heller tore across the field at maximum speed. He already had the perfect move in mind to counter that blade. Now all he needed was speed. ‘Pulling out the big guns, huh? Then let me show you mine.’
Mid-run, he stomped down on the ground hard and began to spin rapidly on one heel, simultaneously swinging his blade around him in a wide arc.
The result? The combination of speed and rotation transformed him into a whirling cyclone of death that began to swiftly close in on Shining Armor.
Or as he liked to call it, the Blade Tornado.
Face showing no fear at this new development, Shining leapt at the cyclone with his blade raised to strike. Timing it perfectly, Heller used the momentum from the spin to bring his blade around in a violent swing just as Shining Armor brought his weapon down.
Their blades met once again in a clash that shattered the air like thunder
For a moment there was silence, and then...
BOOM!!!
The area around the two practically exploded, both Heller and Shining Armor becoming lost in a blaze of magenta light. The very earth shook from the impact, toppling equipment and knocking over guards. A cloud of dust was launched outward from the point of impact, spreading out across the entire field. Everything from weapons to training equipment was coated in a fine layer dirt and grass. Thanks to the actions of several quick-thinking unicorns, the audience of royal guards remained untouched behind a dome of magic.
Several guards squinted their eyes in vain trying to peer beyond the dome, the thickness of the dust making visibility all but impossible. They searched regardless, straining their eyes in an attempt to find any trace of the captain or Heller.
“Hey! I see something!” One guard yelled, the others swerving their heads in his direction. Seeing nothing but drifting smoke at first, all their hearts stopped when they spotted a familiar shape sticking out of the ground only a few meters ahead of them.
“I-Is that...?”
“No...no it can’t be.”
“I don’t believe it.”
As the fog slowly dissipated and the shape became clearer, their suspicions were confirmed with a sharp intake of breath.
“By Tartarus...” The words came out of Sabre Bolt’s mouth in a silent whisper.
Staring them right in the face, the smoldering blade embedded in the earth, was Shining Armor’s sword.
‘Wait,’ His eyes darted around the still smoke covered field. ‘If his swords there, then where is-‘
“I found them!” He pointed at a spot just beyond where blade lay. There, in the middle of the field, two silhouettes were visible behind the thick smoke, one pony shaped and the other easily identifiable as Heller.
The shield was dropped as the smoke around the area began to dissolve. The guards waited with bated breathes as the smoke around Heller and Shining Armor began to clear, a dozen different questions rushed through their heads, the forefront one being the most obvious one: Who had won?
To Sabre Bolt, it didn’t matter. All he cared about was whether the captain was still alive, the sight of his abandoned blade just sitting there filling him with almost unbearable dread.
‘I knew it, I knew this match was a mistake. The Captains probably hurt or dead or worse. Oh, this is all my fault. How am I supposed to look Princess Cadance in the eye and inform her I let her husband get killed! Oh Celestia, what am I going to tell his sister?!’ He shuddered at the image of an angry, no, an enraged Twilight Sparkle using her unrivalled magical prowess to telekinetically break every single bone in his body.
‘Maybe the Princess will banish me to the moon before Twilight can get her hooves on me. Though I doubt I’ll be that lucky,’ he thought dejectedly.
The smoke had almost completely cleared by now, with everyponies hearts just about ready to explode from excitement. Unable to witness the bloody results himself, Sabre Bolt covered his eyes and began counting down the seconds until the foreseeable screams of horror began.
Almost immediately he heard a collective gasp among the guards. Scrunching his eyes tight, he could only imagine how badly mutilated the Captains body was. Had he been decapitated? Bifurcated? Reduced to smoldering ash? He couldn’t even hazard a guess due to nopony saying anything and it was driving him insane! Was his body still intact? Were they going to have to piece it back together one organ at a time? Spread the ashes out to sea? What had happened?! Somepony say something! Please!
“Whoa.”
...Whoa? That was...an odd reaction to seeing the mutilated corpse of your commander.
Somepony was frantically tapping him on his shoulder. “Sabre Bolt,” He recognized the voice as belonging to a pegasus guard by the name of Silverwing. “You have got to see this.”
“How bad is it?” he asked, dreading the answer.
“Just look.”
“It’s bad isn’t it? “
“Bolt, just-“
“This is all my fault! I knew I should have tried harder to talk him out of-“
“Sabre Bolt, just look!”
Wincing, he reluctantly cracked one eye open...and his jaw dropped.
As expected, the area where Heller and the Captain had collided been demolished, grass and other plant life being completely wiped out, leaving nothing but cracked and barren earth behind. While the destruction was indeed impressive, it wasn’t what had left him speechless. Right there, inside a small crater that had been formed from the point of impact, was Shining Armor...and he was fine. Covered in dirt, yes, but other than that he had no visible wounds on him other than the ones Heller had given him earlier. He was no longer standing in a bipedal stance, all four legs planted safely on the ground.
Heller stood just a few feet away from, similarly looking no worse for wear. Like Shining Armor he was covered in a bit of dirt, but other than that he could see nothing wrong with...with...
Uh...
Whoa.
He hadn’t noticed it at first, the shock of finding out Shining Armor was still alive and that he wouldn’t be tortured to death by Twilight overwhelming him a little. But now that he had gotten a good luck at Heller, it didn’t take him long to spot the source of that earlier ‘whoa’.
Heller’s blade...was gone. Not ‘wiped from existence’ gone, but...gone. The top half of it was nowhere to be seen. Only the bottom half remained, the top apparently being obliterated by the force of Shining Armor's attack.
Heller didn’t seem to take much notice of his damaged blade, seemingly much more preoccupied with glaring at the unicorn in front of him, who returned in kind. Both of them were breathing heavily, drenched in sweat and underneath them, their knees wobbled like jelly. Both looked like they were seconds away from dropping into a coma, but either through determination or just sheer stubbornness, they forced themselves to stay standing.
Neither of them wanted to be the one to fall first. That would mean letting the other claim victory and they’d both choose to lose their legs to atrophy before they let that happen.
“Looks like you’ve been disarmed,” Heller said after a long period of silence.
Shining glanced at Heller’s half of a blade before responding, “I could say the same to you.”
“Yeah, but I’m pretty sure I could still beat you to death with this thing.”
“Now that wouldn’t be very sportspony like now would it?”
“Naw, I guess not.”
Another round of silence. The pain in their legs was getting unbearable. One of them was going to break.
“So...wanna call it a draw?”
“...Sure.”
Shining turned his head in the direction of the guards and waved. “Hey Sabre Bolt! It’s a draw, call it!”
“Huh? Call it? What are you- Oh, right!” In his excitement he had forgotten his job as proctor. “Ok, well, um, I declare this match a, uh, draw...I guess.”
“Oh thank Jesus.”
“Sweet Celestia, my legs.”
Almost simultaneously, they dropped to the ground, Shining Armor falling on his haunches while Heller simply leaned back and let gravity do the work for him, landing on his rear. Panting heavily and grinning from ear to ear, they weren’t even bothered by the fact that they were currently sitting in a mud filled crater. Sure, Rarity would give them hell for it later when they walked back into the dining hall covered in mud and sweat, but they’d burn that bridge when they got to it. Right now they were just happy to be off their feet/hooves.
“Good...fight...Shining Armor,” Heller said in between breaths. “Good fight.”
“Thanks...you too,” The unicorn responded, smiling wearily.
“You know,” He winced, the simple effort of crossing his legs triggering throngs of pain. “Seeing the way you fight, I can’t help but think you’d make one hell of a soldier where I’m from.”
“I was going to say the same to you. The royal guard could use a soldier like you. You know, after we improve your sword skills a bit.” It wasn’t until he saw the irritated frown on Heller’s face that he realized that he maybe should have worded that better.
“And what’s wrong with my sword skills?” Heller asked, his voice dangerously low.
Realizing that there was no going back now, Shining Armor considered how best way to go about this. “Well, you know, they...need work is all,” he explained as gently as he could.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t gentle enough. “What exactly are you trying to say Shining Armor?”
“You...really want me to say it don’t you?”
“Say what?”
“...Alright, you asked for it.” Taking a moment to compose himself, Shining opened his mouth and it took all of five second for Heller to wish he hadn’t. “You fight like a brain damaged diamond dog that’s been rendered both blind and deaf. Your form is practically nonexistent and your basic strategy can be summed up as ‘swing sword really, really hard.’ You’re the absolute worst example of a swordsman I’ve ever seen, relying more on brute strength than any kind of actual skill. I’m sure, no, positive, that if I were to hand somepony like Fluttershy a sword and told her to come at me with everything she had, she’d show more skill and competence than you have during the entirety of our match.”
“...Oh, is that all.”
“Hey, you wanted me to be honest.”
“Yeah, well how’s this for honesty: you’re a condescending prick.”
“Wow, took you all night to figure that one out didn’t it Heller. Clearly, I am no match for your astounding insult skills.”
“Your wife definitely wasn’t a match for this dick last night.”
“What did you just say about my wife you motherbucker?!”
“Fucker. The word is motherfucker, just say that. It sounds fucking retarded the way you all say it.”
“...But since you brought it up, your mama screamed my name too.”
“Fuck you!”
Outside of the crater, the now-forgotten royal guard could do nothing but stare as the two soldier’s - both disciplined and well-trained soldiers with years of experience behind their belts - trade back and forth “yo mama” jibes at each other.
The scene was both laughable, yet at the same time, too mind-bogglingly surreal to believe.
“Sabre Bolt,” Silverwing addressed the unicorn next to him calmly, both of their eyes still focused on the ridiculous scene before him. “These two were trying to kill each other not five minutes ago, correct?”
“Yeah.”
“And now they’re arguing like a bunch of pre-school foals?”
“Yeah.”
“...Is this, without a doubt, the weirdest day you’ve ever had in your life?”
“Buck yeah.”
Before Silverwing could once again comment on the sight before them, his ears picked up a strange sound reverberating over the field. “What the-“
Silverwing wasn’t alone - all at once the other guards paused in their viewing and turned to look at each other quizzically, the sound reaching their ears as well.
Sabre Bolt’s ears perked up, immediately recognizing the fast paced noise. ‘Is that...?’
Shining Armors ears perked up as well, interrupting whatever insult he was going to hurl in Heller’s direction.
“- had to grease a door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side to get her through. Hey, are you even listening?”
“Shhhhh! Do you hear that?”
“Hear wha-“
“Shhhhhh! Just be quiet and listen!”
Growling, he was about to respond with a few choice words when he suddenly paused, the strange sound hitting his ears as well. “The hell is that noise?” he asked, searching along with Shining Armor to locate the source.
“Maybe I took a few too many hits to the head, but it almost sounds like…clapping?”
“Clapping? Who the hell would be-“
“Whoo-hoo! That was amazing! No, wait, it was awesome! No, spectacular! No, no, it was...AWESOMAZINGACTULAR!” Squealed a familiar bubbly voice. “I mean, it wasn't worth waiting a year for, but it was still good."
Everyone spun on their hooves, the bouncing form of Pinkie Pie smiling to greet them near the doorway. For those who had come into contact with the sugar crazed pony during her many visits to the castle, it was not at all surprising that she had managed to sneak up on such a large gathering of guards without any of them noticing. That was par for the course.
The ponies standing directly behind her however, were not.
Eyes widening for only a moment, the guards immediately bowed their heads to ground and in unison greeted the group, “Good morning Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, Princess Cadance, and the Elements of Harmony!”
“Good morning to you too, my Royal Guard,” Celestia greeted them with a warm smile. “Your early morning training is going well I presume?”
“Excellent as always Princess, we appreciate your asking!” They responded as one.
“Good, I’m glad to hear that.” She said, nodding her head in approval. “And what of you Shining Armor? I pray your spar with James went just as well.” She laughed softly when a nervous and high-pitched “eep” emanated from behind the crowd of guards.
She trotted forward, the crowd instantly splitting apart to make a path for her and inadvertently revealing a nervous and sweating Shining Armor.
His hiding spot exposed, he immediately bowed his head as she approached. He hadn’t forgotten their last little ‘chat’ together yesterday and he was going to make absolutely sure nothing like that ever happened again.
Or at the very least, he was going to make sure he took Heller down with him.
“Good morning, Princess.” He greeted her with a calmness that belied his true nervousness.
“Good morning, Captain Shining Armor.” She responded, stopping just short of entering the crater where he and Heller lay. Luna, Cadance, and the Elements were right behind her and as expected, Rarity looked like she was on the verge of having a panic attack the moment her eyes spotted their sweaty, dirt covered bodies. Cadance and Luna stood beside her, also observing the two individuals that lay inside the crater, though for less petty reasons. They looked more concerned than shocked, eyes scanning over Heller and Shining’s bodies for any sign of serious injury. The other Elements meanwhile examined what was left of the training field, mouths agape as they took in the devastation around them. Twilight in particular mumbled something along the lines of “how do two individuals cause this much destruction?”
Taking note of the concerned stares of his wife and sibling, Shining Armor flashed them one of his trademark reassuring grins. As always, they visibly relaxed upon seeing it, even smiling back at him in return. Satisfied that he had eased their worries, he turned to the princess with a curious expression, “If I may ask Princess, what are you all doing here? Not that I’m not glad you’re here, it’s just that this part of the castle is primarily dedicated for training purposes and you so rarely ever come by here during your daily schedule.”
“Well, I didn’t really have much of a choice considering all the commotion going on outside,” she answered, “It was getting to be quite the distraction after all.”
“C-commotion?”
She nodded with a smile, thoroughly enjoying his reaction, “Yes. One minute the Elements and I were discussing something of importance, and the next, what sounded like explosions started emanating from somewhere outside the castle. Fluttershy for a brief moment thought we were under attack,” she chuckled at the memory of the pegasus attempting to hide herself underneath her seat, “But I explained to her that that was ridiculous as the barrier would have notified us if somepony had snuck into the city.”
‘Barrier? What barrier?’ Heller thought back to when they entered the city, unable to recall any instance of a barrier. ‘I don’t remember seeing anything when we came in.’
Oblivious of Heller’s confusion, she continued, “That’s when I remembered that you and your troops usually train around this time of day and so I just explained to everypony that it was probably just some new training exercise. However they, and I as well I admit, grew a bit concerned when the explosions began to increase in intensity and, curious to what kind of training you could all possibly be going through, set out to find you.” Her eyes inspected the carnage around her. “Needless to say we weren’t expecting to find...this.”
Smiling sheepishly, he responded, “My apologies Princess, we got a bit carried away is all.” Next to him, Heller let out an audible snort.
“Yeah, well some of us did more damage than others. I’m not naming names, but it was the one with the dick on his forehead.” He felt the corner of lips tug upwards when he heard Luna snicker, which nearly evolved into a full-blown grin when he caught site of the murderous look Shining Armor was sending him.
Fighting to keep a straight face, he turned to address Celestia, “So what did you think of the fight? Bit more exciting than the usual scrapes around here I’m bettin.”
”Oh it was quite impressive. I –“
“Impressive?! That fight was AWESOMAZINGACTU-“ Appplejack, bless her soul, shoved an orange hoof into the pink earth ponies mouth before she could get started again.
Motioning for the princess to continue, Celestia nodded gratefully at the farmpony before coughing lightly into her hoof. “As I was saying James, it was quite the impressive match, your performance especially James. From the few occasions I’ve seen him fight, Shining Armor has proven himself to be nearly unbeatable when it comes to armed combat. The idea of anypony outmatching him in that area is almost unfathomable, so the fact that you were able to fight on par with him is no small feat.”
“I could have kicked his ass if I wanted to,” he said casually, “But I felt bad for the little bitch, so I let him get a couple good hits in. You know, help his confidence.” Another snicker from Luna, followed by the sound of Shining Armor’s teeth grinding together in anger.
Celestia smiled softly, but her expression soon grew serious. There was another reason she had come here. “James-“
“It’s time to go isn’t it?” It was a statement, not a question, one said with no anger. This surprised the alicorn; she was sure he’d sound a bit more reluctant to leave, perhaps even changing his mind and choosing to stay here. The last time she had seen him, he had looked close to killing her and she hadn’t expected much to change in 30 minutes. But looking at him now, he looked like a completely different person. The anger was gone and was replace by a look of almost calm acceptance, as if he knew where he was going and was perfectly fine with it.
Did one duel really cause this much of a transformation?
Wordlessly, Heller uncrossed his legs and hopped to his feet, taking a moment to brush a bit of dust off himself. Approaching the solar deity at a leisurely pace, he stopped at the edge of the crater, directly in front of Celestia herself. “I’m ready.”
“Alright then. Follow me, everypony.” Turning on her hooves, she began to trot back to the doorway, Luna and the Elements following close behind her. Twilight took a moment to hug her brother and sister-in-law goodbye, promising to visit them again soon before sprinting to catch up with the others. Heller prepared to follow them as well, when he was stopped by the call of his name, “Heller.”
Turning around, he saw an exhausted Shining Armor being helped to his hooves by his wife. Nuzzling her in return, he slowly trotted up to the awaiting human and stopped just directly in front of him, craning his head upwards so that their eyes locked.
Wordlessly, he raised his hoof.
Heller looked down at the raised hoof, an unreadable expression on his face.
Then, slowly, he gripped the hoof in his hand, before giving it a firm shake.
The trek through halls had been thankfully silent and uneventful and in what felt like no time at all, they stood before the carriage that would transport them back to Ponyville. The Elements said their goodbyes to the princesses and piled one by one into the open carriage, leaving him alone with the two royal sisters.
“Well,” he started, unsure of what to say. “I guess I’ll see you in a week.”
Celestia placed a golden shod hoof on his shoulder. ”I promise you James, I won’t rest until I have the spell completely deciphered and ready to cast. In one weeks’ time, you will be going home.” She gave his shoulder a soft squeeze. “I promise you.”
Lowering her hoof, she stepped aside, allowing Luna to approach the human, her face downcast.
“Hey,” he said sadly.
“I don’t want you to go.” The sadness and pleading in her voice tore at his defenses, but he stayed strong.
“I have to.”
“No you don’t," she said stubbornly, puffing her cheeks out.
‘Oh, god she’s pouting. Don’t let her break you Heller, stay strong.’
“Yeah, I do. You have meetings at night and sleep during the day. I don’t want you getting in trouble with your sister because you decided to skip your meetings or endangering your health over me by forcing yourself to stay awake just so we can hang out. We both know that if I stay here you’ll do both of those things even if I tell you not to. This is the best for both of us.”
“But...but...” Her cerulean eyes began to fill with tears and she let out a choked sob..
Oh, god, she’s whimpering. She’s going to start crying! Do something dammit!’
“Luna wait.” He reached out with his arms and gripped her shoulders, lowering himself so that they were eye level. “I promise you that when I come back in a week I’ll...I’ll...”
‘Think, think, think! What can you say that will make her feel better and stop crying?’
“I’ll spend the entire day with you!”
‘You fucking idiot, why did you say that!’
Instantly Luna’s face cleared up, a Pinkie Pie-like grin growing in her face. “Really James? You’d sacrifice another day here just to spend time with me.?”
“Yep.” He said, forcing a smile.
“All day?”
“Yep.”
“Doing anything I want to do?”
“Yep.”
“With no complaining or sarcastic remarks?”
“Yep.”
“Including sex?”
“...That whole crying bit was an act just to get me to say I’ll spend the day with you wasn’t it?”
“Yep.”
“You fucking bitch,” he grumbled, chastising himself for falling for such an obvious ploy. Just before as he was about to release her and make his way over to the carriage, he felt Luna’s arms wrap around him and pull him in close.
“I’ll miss you James,” She whispered into his ear, smiling as she felt his body tense up at the hug. “But I think I’ll miss this most of all.” Then, without any warning, she leaned in and gave him a quick peck on the cheek.
Inside the carriage, Rainbow Dash lazily drew circles in the air with her hoof letting out a bored sigh as she did so. “Ugh, I am so boooored.How long does it take to say goodbye?”
“Oh really Rainbow Dash, must you be so boorish,” Rarity reprimanded from the seat next to the cyan pegasus. “I imagine this must be hard enough for him as it is.”
“Ah reckon it is.” Applejack intoned from the seat across from the both of them. “After what happened the last time he was there, ah wouldn’t be too excited on going back either.”
“I know what will put him in a good mood!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed in her usual manner.
“A party?” Everyone (even Fluttershy) deadpanned at once.
“Wrong! I was actually going to say- no wait, you’re right, a party. How’d ya know?”
“Lucky guess.” Twilight answered with a roll of her eyes. “But Rarity and Applejack are right Rainbow Dash. This is a very difficult process for James and we have to be supportive.” She peered out the windows to the sight of Heller and Luna enveloped in a hug. “I can only imagine what those two are going through right now. Princess Luna is closer to him than anypony else I know aside from my brother. This must be heartbreaking for them.”
“GET THE FUCK OFF ME!!”
The inhabitants of the carriage nearly jumped out of their skins at the sound of the rage-filled cry. Everypony looked out the still open door to see a furious Heller stomping towards the carriage.
“James, what’s wrong? What was that shout about and... why is Princess Luna rolling on the ground laughing?”
“MOVE!” He ordered, and Twilight immediately obeyed his command, scooting over and giving him plenty of space.
Slamming the door shut behind him, he banged on the roof of the carriage to get the attention of the two chauffeur's, “Get your slow asses in gear, I wanna be there by yesterday!”
The pegasi obeyed, albeit reluctantly and with a scowl, and immediately took flight. Behind them, the majestic and pristine image of Canterlot grew smaller and smaller before disappearing behind the clouds.
There was silence in the carriage as it was carried through the air, with none of the pony occupants understanding what was going on, and being far too afraid to ask. Twilight, choosing to be the brave one in this situation, finally asked, “James, why is your face red?”
“You curious whether you can survive a 50ft drop, Sparky?”
“Um, no?”
“THEN SHUT THE FUCK UP!”
Down below, Luna had finally recomposed herself and lifted off the ground. She stared at the carriage as it quickly became a tiny dot in the distance, a sad smile on her face. “Goodbye James Heller. I really will miss you.”
Celestia approached her younger sibling from behind, eyeing her suspiciously. “Luna...what exactly happened between you and James?”
“Oh Tia,” Luna chuckled, turning to face her sister. “It’s something you wouldn’t understand in your old day and age. I’ll tell you when you’re older.” Patting her lightly on the head, Luna strolled past her sister and back towards the castle, leaving behind a baffled Celestia.
“So Twilight, what’s the plan?” Applejack whispered, leaning her head in close with the rest of the Elements so that a certain Marine wouldn’t hear them.
Not that it was really needed. Next to Twilight, Heller was leaning against the window, snoring lightly. Not long after the carriage had taken off, Heller had made himself comfortable and shut his eyes, simply telling them to wake him up when they got there. 5 minutes later he was out like a light. One would speculate he was only going to sleep so he wouldn’t have to answer any questions on whatever happened between him and Princess Luna, but then again, no one brave enough was going to question him on it anytime soon so they left it alone.
“Well, he’s going to be with us for a week Applejack,” Twilight whispered back, “That gives each of us one day with him to...you know...”
“I still can’t believe we’re doing this,” Rainbow Dash shook her head, “I mean, him? You’d have better luck teaching it to Discord or getting Twilight to go on a date.
Though she could have worded it better (and she could get a date anytime she wanted thank you very much!), Twilight found herself agreeing with Rainbow Dash. It was quite the odd request. In fact, had it been given by anypony other than the princess, she would have laughed straight in their faces. But, seeing as how that was not the case, they had no choice in the matter.
Looking out the window to gaze at the blazing sun of the princess, she contemplated the next seven days.
The Princess had given them an order and they would dutifully obey it to the best of their abilities. It was going to be difficult, possibly their most difficult challenge yet, but they wouldn’t fail.
They were going to teach James Heller about the magic of friendship.