This fanfiction shamelessly steals LittleKuriboh’s jokes about half as much as Naruto: The Abridged Series! I think I’m going to be sick.
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After meeting up with Duke and Spike again, Twilight’s and her friends and Yugi’s group where all together outside of the library.
“So, where you come from, you walk on two legs and you’re called humans?” Rainbow Dash asked to Joey after pondering Yugi’s story.
“Yeah, and we have ponies there too,” Joey elaborated. “Except, they’re really ugly and stupid. Kind of like Tristan.”
“I AM AN OCTAPUS!” Tristan yelled.
“Twilight, let me come with you guys,” Spike pleaded to Twilight.
“No, Spike, it’s too dangerous,” Twilight said lovingly. “I need you to stay back at the library.”
Spike sighed. What Twilight said was exactly what he expected. He pushed open the door to the library and waddled inside. Closing the door once he was all the way inside.
“Wow, he must be like the Tristan of their group, only they actually care about him instead of laughing at his expense,” Joey commented.
“I just want to know what love is! I want you to show me the way!” Tristan blurted.
Twilight went back to staring at Yugi’s Millennium Puzzle. “What does that… do, exactly?” She asked Yugi as she nudged the pyramid shape with the tip of her hoof. “I can’t say I’ve ever seen anything like that.”
“Well, it has the soul of an ancient Pharaoh contained inside of it, but I suppose the only way for me to really explain what it does is for me to show you,” Yugi said with the puzzle cradled in his hooves. He closed his eyes and a golden light shone from the puzzle once again. Twilight took a few steps back and prepared herself for anything. Yugi cried out, “Super sexy alter ego transformation sequence, GO!” The light from the pyramid engulfed him and quickly vanished, leaving him a much taller and less adorable version of himself.
“That’s right, bitches,” Yami said. “I’m bringing sexy back!”
“Bitch, please,” Duke retorted.
“OH MY GOD! HIS VOICE CHANGED AND HE GOT TALLER!” Tristan yelled. “HOW DID HE DO THAT!?”
“Tristan, you’ve seen Yugi Transform like, a million times!” Joey said in frustration toward his slow friend.
Tristan continued to yell. “Holy f*** on a s*** sandwich, Joey! You’re a pegasus! When did that happen?”
“Have you been paying attention to anything?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“OH MY GOD! …You can talk!”
“Just ignore Tristan and hope that he dies soon,” Yami instructed. “That’s what all of us do.”
“Yugi! What happened to your voice!?!?” Tristan asked again.
Twilight inspected Yugi with her eyes. He had clearly changed a lot, not just his voice and appearance, any simple magic could do that, but his personality had changed as well. “That was pretty impressive,” Twilight said genuinely. “But are any of you good for anything aside from recycling old catchphrases?”
“Of course I am!” Yami said defensively, “I’ll have you know that I’m the King of Card Games! Just point me to a villain playing a card game. I’ll kick his ass!”
“Villains here don’t play card games…” Twilight said.
“Really? Huh… That’s usually what villains do.”
“Where did you say you were from again?”
“It doesn’t matter!” Yami said with renewed confidence. “After all, the only thing you need to beat a villain is extreme manliness! And most of the members of our group are guys! There’s Me, Yugi, Joey, Tristan, Duke, Rainbow Dash…”
“Actually, Yugi, Rainbow Dash is a girl…” Joey corrected.
“What? Tha’s crazy! I mean he acts so much like a boy…”
“Totally a girl,” said Joey.
“Tha’s crazy!” Yami repeated. “What about Applejack? Is he a…”
“Also a girl.”
“Tha’s crazy! What about Spike?”
“He’s a guy.”
“Oh… Tha’s crazy!” Yami said again. “Well, now that we got all of that out of the way, I suppose we should be thinking of a plan… But tha’s crazy!”
Marik’s minion, the stallion with sunglasses and a ridiculously tall spike in his hair casually walked beside the group as they listened to Yami talk, though it was pretty obvious that he wasn’t a normal pony, due mostly to the fact that his hair was roughly a third the length of his entire body (including his legs). Pinkie Pie was on the outside of the group. She was, as it turns out, the exact mare he was looking for. He readied himself and remembered everything that he had learned in those child grabbing lessons. “Attention duelists!” He yelled, grabbing everyone’s attention as they turned to face him. “My hair is assaulting you!” He leapt at Pinky and used his hoofs to hook under her front legs and put her in a full Nelson. Causing them both to stagger back into a standing position on their back legs.
“Holy unnecessary cameo!” Yami yelled. “It’s one of the guards from Pegasus’s castle! The one who’s hair is almost as stupid as mine… but I make it work. I mean look at me! I am one damn handsome stallion…”
“Yugi, focus!” Joey ordered.
Yami snapped back into action. “Right! Villains! Danger!”
“My hair is under Marik’s control!” The henchman said.
“This isn’t fun at all!” Pinkie struggled to say.
“She’s not having fun… YOU MONSTER!” Yami cried.
“Seriously,” Twilight said. “How do so many of you have gravity defying hair styles?”
“L’Oreal, because my hair is worth it,” The henchman said. “I think we’ve already done that joke at least two times.”
“Wait a second,” said Joey, “How did Marik get control of you in the first place?”
“My hair is named Steve!”
“Oh… Figures.”
“Did ah miss somethin’?” asked Applejack.
Yami explained, “Marik can control the minds of anyone he wants with his Millennium Rod; but it only works if they’re named Steve!”
“Well, that’s just silly!” Applejack commented.
“Did you just insult my hair?” the henchman asked angrily.
“Um… no.”
“You did, didn’t you! My hair will make you pay for that!” the henchman barked. He was about to drop Pinkie and attack Applejack, but a voice from a few feet behind him told him to stop.
“There’s no need for that, Steve,” Marik commanded. He stepped forward revealing his unicorn form, covered in jewelry. His Millennium Rod levitated in front of him. “Ha-ha! Look at all of you! It’s funny because you’re naked!”
“You’re naked too,” said Yami.
“NO I’M NOT!” Marik insisted. “Look at all of the jewelry I’m wearing! See? Totally not naked! Besides, even if I were naked, I have fangirls which means I’m allowed to be. With you guys it’s just creepy.”
The henchman gradually stepped back to Marik’s side with Pinkie still in his grasp.
“I hope you jerks don’t think we’re going to let you get away with her!” Rainbow Dash said aggressively. She shot up into the air and flew at the crazy haired henchmen like a bullet.
Marik lifted his shiny rod and its eye glowed bright yellow. Rainbow Dash was immediately covered in yellow squiggly lines and fell to the ground like a sack of rocks, grunting in pain, then fell unconscious.
Tristan cried, “Dashie, are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay, Dashie?”
“She’s been hit by… She’s been struck by… a smooth criminal!” Joey added.
“Your obligatory pop culture reference moves me,” said Marik. “Unfortunately, wee have to leave now! See you soon, Pharaoh!” The henchman delivered a stunning blow to the back of Pinkies head, knocking her out; then he slung her onto his back. “Just to make sure you won’t follow me, here’s a little parting gift.” Marik activated his rod and the ground in front of him became covered in shadow. Three, dark, ponylike figures emerged from the shadow. They were completely featureless and black. Marik and his minion made a hasty escape while the others were occupied.
“THIS PLACE SUCKS!” One of the shadow figures said.
“OP IS A FAGGOT!” said another.
“GO KILL YOURSELF, OP!”
“JOHN MADDEN! JOHN MADDEN! JOHN MADDEN!”
“Oh my multiple gods!” said Yami. “It’s a 4Chan Image board!”
“THIS FANFICTION SUCKS!”
“LANIPATOR IS THE ONLY ONE OF THOSE ABRIDGED SERIES FAGGOTS WITH ANY TALLENT!”
“ISHIZU ISHTAR RULE 34 IS HOT!”
“I’M A FAILURE IN REAL LIFE, SO I’M AN ASSHOLE ON THE INTERNET TO GET ATTENTION!”
Yami stepped back and bore a look of determination. “We can win this, Joey!” He said, “All we have to do is believe in the heart of the cards and…”
“Um, Yugi,” Joey interrupted.
“Damn it, Joey! Don’t interrupt me when I’m monologue-ing!”
“But Yugi, look!” Joey said and pointed to where the shadow ponies had been. Rarity, Applejack and Twilight were each beating one of the creatures senseless with powerful punches and kicks.
“Those girls are better at fighting than we are…” Joey said without any pride.
“I know,” Yami agreed. “Those girls are better at beating men than Mai Valentine. Am I right?”
“Yug, stop making those nasty jokes about her! She’s in a coma!”
“Yes, but am I right?”
“It’s not right to talk about her that way.”
“JOEY… Am I right?”
“I’m not gonna respond to this any mo...”
“Tell me!”
During the time that it took for Joey and Yami to have that conversation, the three girls had beaten the shadowy figures to a pulp, after which they dissipated and returned to the shadowy depths of the internet.
“That little distraction worked,” Applejack said through batted breath. “That Marik creep got away, and he got Pinkie! She’s been kidnapped!”
“Pinkie Pie must be like the Mokuba of their group,” said Tristan.
“Shut up, Spike,” said Yami.
“YOU FIVE ARE USELESS!” Twilight yelled.
“Maybe so, but at least I’m better than Kaiba,” said Yami.
At that moment, Kaiba, Mokuba and Fluttershy came running into their view.
“Oh look, some random failure and his two friends are coming to visit,” said Yami. “Say hi to the loser, kids.”
“Hi, loser!” Tristan said enthusiastically.
“Good boy, Spike!”
“Oh my goodness!” Fluttershy squealed. “We heard fighting! And there was yelling, and… oh, I hope all of you are alright!”
“Not exactly,” said Twilight. “They took Pinkie Pie!”
“Pinkie Pie’s been Fillynapped? Oh, this day has just turned out so awful!”
Yami shifted his attention to Seto Kaiba. “Kaiba…”
“Yugi…” Kaiba replied.
“Kaiba…” said Joey.
Kaiba looked to Joey. “Wheeler…”
Joey looked to his left. “Tea…”
Tea looked back to Yami. “Yugi…”
Yami turned his head to Tea. “Tea…”
“TRISTAN!” Tristan blurted out.
“I don’t have time for any of you dweebs!” Kaiba said bitterly. “This yellow pegasus tells me that this is the place to find Twilight Sparkle, the only pony in this town who can tell me the whereabouts of the Elements of Harmony!”
“Why are you looking for the Elements of Harmony?” asked Tea.
“Because a robot from the future told me to!”
“Seems legit,” said Tristan.
“The Elements can’t work,” said Twilight.
“Bitch say what, now?” asked Kaiba.
“Marik just took Pinkie Pie.”
“Yeah, so?”
“So, without all six of us, the Elements don’t work.”
“… FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-”