//------------------------------// // Letter: On The Nature Between Her And Us // Story: Open This Immediately! // by Kenneth Invictus //------------------------------// To: Truth Seeker 322 Skywalker Way Baltimare, Equestria, Universe 64 From: The Multiversal Church of Pinkamena Triumphant 4th Wall Street Ponyville, Equestria, Universe 42 To Whom it May Concern: Ah, it's good to hear from you again. We are always willing to tell others about Pinkamena Herself, especially in certain universes, such as yours, where our religion is illegal to operate in the open. (On a related note, you are keeping these correspondences to yourself, correct? We don't want you to get in trouble with your local law enforcement.) On to your first question, I must respond with a question. How do you imagine our worship of Pinkamena takes place? Do you see Her upon a golden throne, never moving for all of eternity? Do you see Her in an vast cathedral, surrounded by sycophants chanting, bowing up and down as smoke fogs the view of Her into mystery? The answer to this is, of course, no. On an funny note, She actually tried this just to see how long She could last. This experience lasted four hours, and we're not sure if it was the boredom or the need to use the bathroom that got to Her first. We tell this story to bring home the fact that She is not like others who ask for your worship. They either make them as unavailable as possible, only dealing with their followers by inane conditions and only to those they chose. If they do, it's only to receive worship. But with Her, She dwells with us. You can find her mingling with her devotees, talking with them in plain language that anyone can understand. She dislikes sitting still and doing nothing, and much prefers going from one place to another. She could be discussing missionary journeys with a group of Representatives, then brainstorming new methods for a ceremony to new High Priests the next. 30 minutes later, she could be in one of our kitchens, trying out one of a dozen new recipes that she came up with the night before, or testing someone's newest creation. This ties into a second point. How do you imagine She treats her followers? Do you imagine that She demands the impossible from us? Does She subject us to years of rigorous training in our own personal Hell, just to get a glimpse of Her? Will She enforce contradictory regulations that change every 20 seconds? And if we fail, will She beat us with whips and chains as we beg Her forgiveness? The answer is also no. (Unless you're into that. Hey, we don't judge here.) Then how does She treat us? To put it quite bluntly, almost like family. I know that it's cliche, but it is the truth. Many who claim deity only use their followers to their own ends, treating them as useful cattle. I've already mentioned how She interacts with us. She would much rather help us, doing whatever She can to ensure that we have a good time, no matter what it is we do. It doesn't have to be a massive song and dance routine (although she can do that), but a simple tune, a surprise cupcake, an unexpected visit, and nothing is boring anymore. We call her the Never-ending Enjoyment for a good reason. And to be honest, this means a lot to us. Many others rule through fear, a sense of divine judgment if you do not step completely out of line, a bolt of retribution might come down and smite you. Instead, She rules in love, ensuring our loyalty and utmost devotion in what we do for Her. In reality, Machiavelli was wrong. It is better to be loved than feared. (Machiavelli is not from your universe, so don't worry if you don't know who he is.) While there are some rules we do require to be followed (Hey, where isn't there?), and there is an hierarchy and organization, for the most part,all She wants is for us to have fun. It might be foreign or strange to others, but for us, it's proof of Her love. You also had the question of how do we worship Her? Well, I could tell you the various and different things we do, like ceremonies, rituals, spontaneous musicals, and things, but I'd feel you'd be better served by experiencing it yourself. If you would like, we can come and have you stay at one of our facility for a few days and experience what it's like to truly worship Her. Just mail us back, and we'll come get you in about a day. Waiting to hear back from you Her Will Be Done New Order High Priest ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- STANDARD OPERATING PROCEDURE 5B IS IN EFFECT WITH THIS DOCUMENT. READ WITHIN 3 HOURS OF POSSESSION. DESTROY AFTER READING To Agent 3044: We have received your last communication, and are glad to here from you. To be blunt, we were afraid that our last message had not made it in time for for you to read, and that you'd been taken by the Cult. But once again, you seem to have made an explosive exit. (Yes, that was a purposeful pun. And yes, I heard you groan right now.) While the fool they sent to get you did survive (No, we don't know how.), he is out of commission. Right now, we believe that it was coincidence that you were selected by their mad god, and that your identity as an agent has not been compromised. However, you must be very careful not to be spotted, especially outside of your 'verse. We have an idea of their ability to track people, and it is scary in their capabilities, which is why this document is in effect. However, this is providing us with an interesting opening. Due to a good amount of luck, we might now be able to get someone in on the inside of their compound. Before you ask, your wife is safe. She is currently in a safe house at an undisclosed location. And yes, she is cursing at us in at least 4 languages, like you said she would. Wait where you are. In about a day, we will be sending a Son of Velis Vel to you. He will have some costumes you will need to complete your next mission. Standard mode of identification apply. Do nothing until then. Hopefully, we will be able to get strike a blow against the Cult Of Pinkamena. Maybe even a death blow. Then we can avenge the innocent they have slaughtered in their cruelty. They will answer for their crimes. Until we communicate again. The Chief STANDARD OPERATING PROCEDURE 5B IS IN EFFECT WITH THIS DOCUMENT. READ WITHIN 3 HOURS OF POSSESSION. DESTROY AFTER READING