With a grunt of effort, you nudged the front door open and staggered in. You struggled to move in and somehow managed to keep your balance despite the heavy load that was clamped to your back and would not hold still. “Holy HELL!” You said, letting your exhaustion and frustration get the better of you, “Lyra, you weigh a ton! Stop squirming!!!”
“Hey!” Came her slurring voice, accompanied by the scent of alcohol on her breath that washed over you. “I don’t insult you ‘cause you’re all… bald skinned and hands!”
You were very thankful her house was so close to Sugarcube Corner. She was too drunk to walk straight, and since she walked on all fours there was no way to just support her weight over your shoulder. That left you with two choices: Ditch your best friend and go home, or carry her. Of course you hadn’t realized just how heavy or solid a pony’s frame would be until you lifted her piggy-back style and started walking. You had begun to regret it only a few steps out the door, and by now you were exhausted and at the end of your rope.
Lyra noticed your frustration from your silence, and stopped moving around. She held her velvet cheek against yours and spoke softly. “Jus’ kidding… You know you’re my favorite human… Heck you’re the best human in all of… of… of wherever you’re from! Humanland! That’s it! You’re best human, got it? Best human of all of Humanland!”
You finally got her into her bedroom. “Sure.” You said as you crudely let her awkward shape drop onto her bed, then let yourself collapse and take a seat.
Lyra bounced with a drunken giggle and tried to stand before collapsing once more. “Thanks for the lift! You’re the best! You’re the King of Humanland! ‘Cause that’s where you’re from ‘cause you’re a human and I love ya…” She said, slurring every word and chuckling all the way.
At least the party was fun.
You were actually glad guilt had gotten the better of you and enticed you to go to the party. This time you had made a valiant effort to steer clear of the alcohol and instead stuck to the fruit punch and snack table. At first you had basically stayed close to Lyra, but once she had a few good drinks and got pulled into some of the party games you went off and mingled. You had spent a good portion of the night in the company of Big McIntosh who, true to his claim of being bashful, was much quieter and reserved in a crowd. Other than a few choice words, he hardly said anything outside of ‘Eeyup’ and ‘Nope’.
Not long after you were pulled away by Pinkie Pie to meet her circle of friends and, much to your surprise, you had already met most of them. Out of the six you knew Rarity the best: She was the owner of the boutique who had done an amazing job tailoring clothes to fit you, and always made a point of chatting with you about fashion when you went shopping for clothes. Next was the birthday girl, Rainbow Dash. You had the distinct ‘honor’ of meeting her once before, when she utterly destroyed you at arm-wrestling over a cheese sandwich at the café. She had an ego, but was definitely nice. Of course you already knew Applejack through her brother, but had never properly been introduced to her. You finally had the chance, and after her enthusiastic handshake you were lucky to walk away without a broken arm.
The only two you hadn’t met yet were Twilight Sparkle and Fluttershy. Twilight owned the library in Ponyville, but each time you had gone there to check out or return a book she had been out. Apparently she had been filled in about you from her little friend Spike, and true to her studious reputation she seemed absolutely fascinated by you and probably could have spent the entire night discussing the cultural differences between ponies and humans had Pinkie Pie not dragged her off to play pin the tail on the pony. Fluttershy, on the other hand, was the polar opposite: She seemed terrified of you. She definitely lived up to her name by barely being able to even make eye contact, let alone speak. She just pawed at the ground and mumbled, and when you tried to introduce yourself she ended up backing away with her muzzle tucked under her wing.
You really didn’t want anyone to be afraid of you and would have made an effort to get to know her, but by then Lyra had gotten a little carried away and had far too much to drink.
“Lookit your nose!” laughed Lyra, which jolted you out of your daydream. “It looks like a little strawberry!” She laughed and swatted your nose playfully, to which you only responded with a quiet mutter. “And your cheeks!” She planted her hooves on either side of your face and rubbed, and you pushed her away.
“You weirdo!” You laughed uneasily, “Cut it out!”
She weaved and laughed sloppily, then fell to her belly and rolled over. She rested her head on your lap and blindly gestured in the air with her hooves like a cat lazily swatting at a piece of string. “So when we were foals... we had this wheelbarrow, right? And we decided ‘Hey! Let’s have a wheelbarrow fire!’ So we gathered all this stuff, this stuff in the wheelbarrow, right? And I was just trottin’ down the road with my friends and this wheelbarrow, and we were putting everything in it. Just going down the road with this wheelbarrow, right? So we got it, the wheelbarrow, full and set it in the yard, and Amethyst lights it, right? Just lights this wheelbarrow on fire.”
You tried to stand up and she wrapped her forelegs around your belly to hold you down.
“Don’t run away, don’t run away, I’m telling a wheelbarrow story… So the wheelbarrow is on fire, and I’m like ‘That tire’s going to burst.’ You know, the tire on the wheelbarrow. The wheelbarrow that was on fire. So I set up a garden hose just spraying water on the tire.” She puffed her chest out with drunken pride as she slurred. “Kept that wheelbarrow tire from bursting. The whole thing burned ‘cept the frame and tire. All that was left of that wheelbarrow. I shoulda been a genius, you know? I’m a genius for saving that wheelbarrow tire.”
The word ‘wheelbarrow’ no longer held any meaning to you thanks to that story, but it had given you a laugh nevertheless. Still, you were eager to get home and go to bed. “I’m going to take off, Lyra. I’ll see you later.”
“Ohhhh…” she crooned in an almost seductive tone, “My round little tummy is so soft and warm, like fresh cotton candy. Oh it’s such a shame there’s nopony around with the assets it would take to rub it…” She paused for just a moment, then rolled and let her tail brush against your side. “I said it’s such a shame there’s—”
“Forget it, Lyra. I’m going home and going to bed. I have work tomorrow.”
“Don’t be like that.” She pleaded. “It’s a tradition; we gotta do the belly rub after a party!”
You raised an eyebrow with a grin. “It happened once and now it’s a tradition?”
“Well…” she said sloppily, “Howda you think traditions start? Who decided that anything is a tradition?”
You patted her belly. “Get some sleep, Lyra. You’re going to have one hell of a hangover tomorrow.” You said as you stood to leave.
She wrapped her forelegs around your waist once more and pulled you back onto the bed. “You just don’t know what you’re missing.” She stated very matter-of-factly as she let go of you and struggled to hold her balance. “‘Cause at sumpoint an evil human princess must’ve been all ‘Hey! All you humans of Humanland! Don’t you ever give or take a belly rub! It’s a sin to your human…enity!’ It became tattoo for your kind, but we’re gonna break you of that. It’s a bad habit, an’ you’ve gotta learn the joys of belly rubbing.”
Good luck with that.
“Y’know what? We’re gonna do this thing right now.” She pulled your shirt up and stroked your bare stomach. “C’mon, on your back. It’s for your own good.”
You were done at this point. You stood up and started to walk out of the room until your whole body glowed and was stopped dead in its tracks. Although you felt nothing touch your body, it was as if you were being pulled by a strong current of water. It was enough to drag you onto the bed and lay you out flat on your back.
“Oh no you don’t.” Lyra drunkenly sang with a glowing horn. “And just where do you think you’re going, Twinkle Toes? Afraid you might like it?”
You had never been lifted by a unicorn’s magic like that and were thoroughly frightened into submission. Lyra poised her hoof on your stomach and gently stroked in small circles while you sat idle with a sour expression on your face. This was definitely not your finest hour.
No wonder cats don’t like this.
She wasn’t being rough, but it was still uncomfortable. Every circle she made with her solid hoof put galling pressure on your abdomen and made you feel almost sick. It felt a bit like a sore muscle.
“S’amatter?” She slurred in a caring tone. “Oh, I get it… I know what you want.”
“To leave?” You said hopefully.
You were wrong. Your shirt was whisked the rest of the way off and you were rolled onto your back. She placed her front hooves on your shoulder blades and you, not quite sure what you were in for, braced yourself on instinct and—
—And you let out a gasp of pure pleasure from what she was doing. This should not have felt this good, or even good at all, but somehow she made it happen. Her hooves gently traced the muscles in your back and found just the right spot, then moved up and down in smooth gliding strokes. She pushed too hard for just a moment, then found just the right amount of pressure and kneaded the muscles in your back.
You tried to speak but only managed a satisfied unintelligible babble, and relaxed your whole body while she continued massaging you. She rotated her hooves to let their edges follow the contours of your back and spine, which sent pleasurable jolts echoing through your body. She seriously knew what she was doing; her hooves somehow found all the right places and moved just right to make this feel fantastic.
“I knew it…” She said, sounding ready to pass out, “Underneath that grumpy human shell beats the heart of a pony that needs some TLC… Lookit these knots; you shoulda come to the spa with me…”
If this is what a pony massage felt like, you were definitely going to the spa from now on. You had never been this relaxed in your life. Already tired, you had been put into a near trance by her amazing massage. A blissfully deep murmur slipped out of you and you let your eyes close, consciously feeling yourself drift off. You were too relaxed to care about anything at all right now and slipped into a deep and comfortable sleep.
You slowly opened your eyes and blinked hazily in the darkness. You stared up into nothing and lazily collected your scattered thoughts from the murk of your dreams, before it finally dawned on you that you were comfortably tucked into someone else’s bed.
Not again…
The events from the night before slowly came back and it dawned on you where you were. With a quiet yawn you tried to reach up to rub the sleep from your eyes, but found that you were restricted by something warm beside you.
You already knew what, or rather who, it was.
You rolled your eyes and squinted through the dark to find Lyra sound asleep against you. She had cuddled up beside you in the crook of your arm, with her head resting on your bicep and hugging your forearm like a teddy bear. The last thing you remember from the night before was being forced onto the bed and massaged, so at some point after falling asleep she must have tucked the two of you into bed for the night.
You decided the best thing to do would be to slip out of bed while she slept, curl up on the couch until you needed to be up to go to work, and lie your ass off about it if she ever claims otherwise. She still teased you about the last time, and you weren’t going to add more fuel to her fire. Very gently you pulled your arm free of her embrace and slid slowly to the edge of the bed—
—And froze when she began stirring after only putting about a foots distance between the two of you. Before you could move again she rolled over and threw her foreleg around you, holding you in a tight loving grip. She didn’t wake up; she only murmured quietly and nuzzled her soft cheek into your chest. You waited a moment to make sure she was asleep, then carefully peeled her leg free and very gently lifted it off of you. You held it against her to keep her from cuddling you again, and slowly inched out of the bed.
Alright, easy does it now…
Again she fidgeted and again you froze. This time she looked over at you through bleary, barely-opened eyes and was obviously still half-asleep. “I have a headache…” she said mournfully.
Her mane was a mess, her ears drooped lifelessly on her head, she looked like hell warmed over, and you felt a jolt of pity run through you. “I’ll bet.” You said in a sympathetic tone. “Sometimes it’s worth it for a good party, though.” You placed your fingers on her temples and rubbed small circles, trying to soothe her headache.
“Ahhhhhhhhhh…” she murmured, trailing off and laying her head on your shoulder as you rubbed. She was almost asleep once more before, with a flinch, her ears perked up and her eyes flew open. She stared at you with widened eyes for only a moment. “I did it again, didn’t I?” She said in disbelief.
You nodded, assuming she meant putting both of you in the same bed. “Mm-hmm. You didn’t even give me a choice.”
She cocked her head to the side in confused curiosity. You decided to spare her the details of exactly how sloppily drunk she was and instead simply told her she had tossed you onto the bed with her magic, massaged you until you fell asleep, then tucked you in for bed.
Lyra only seemed interested in the part about the massage. “And you liked it, didn’t you? Hah! I knew it, I knew it! Now do you see why I like having my tummy rubbed?”
“No.”
She scoffed and crossed her hooves, looking away with a smug grin. “Well it doesn’t matter now! You owe me! Let’s see you argue your way out of it now!”
“‘Owe you?’” You said laughing, “Hardly! I have rubbed and scratched you so many times you’d have to massage me for the rest of your life just to break even!”
“Break even, huh?” Said Lyra as she gave serious thought to what you said. “How about we just call it even right now and do each other’s backs from now on?”
You came this close to shooting the idea down, but stopped yourself. You hated to admit it, even to yourself, but you were seriously tempted to take her up on the offer. A massage was expensive and here was the chance to get an amazing one in exchange for scratching a pony’s back and ears, something which you were currently getting suckered into doing for free anyways.
Who cares if it’s weird! Do it!
“If you promise never to hurl me around with your magic, then it’s a deal.”
Lyra chirped under her breath and rubbed her hooves together with excitement. She noticed how amused you were by her reaction and immediately tried to act nonchalant. “Did I really toss you onto the bed?” She said, obviously trying to change the subject.
“It was weird.” You said with a nod. “I’ve never felt anything like it.”
Lyra rolled her eyes and patted your head. “First it’s sharing beds. Then it’s Pinkie Pie. Now magic is weird to you? What’s next? Your roommate’s bowtie? Princess Celestia raising the sun? Toast? Hey, while you’re at it, you remember Twilight from the party right? If you don’t like magic, stay the heck away from her. I’ve seen her do all sorts of crazy stuff with magic.”
You thought back to your conversation with Twilight and smirked. “She seemed nice enough, though. And with enough manners not to try and hurl me around with unicorn magic.” You paused and waited for a reaction, but one never came. “You know she asked me if she could hook me up to a machine and measure my vitals?”
Lyra’s head flew back with a surge of laughter. “Some ponies never change; she’s been like that since magical kindergarten. So what did you do?”
“Well, I was afraid she’d probe me or something so—”
“EEW! I do not want that image in my head, thanks!” Laughed Lyra.
You chuckled as you finished. “Yeah, I turned her down.”
Lyra smirked at you devilishly. “I’m surprised you and her aren’t the best of friends. Twilight tends to flip her flank about little stuff just like you! You and her should compare notes sometime; you’d be soul-mates!”
“Hey!” You protested.
The two of you laid back in the bed and laughed for a couple of moments. You continued to giggle while Lyra’s laughter faded into a yawn. “Oh, what time is it?”
You could just barely make out 2:17 on the cuckoo clock. “Oh God, it’s early. I’m going back to sleep.”
She laid back for a moment, and then sat back up. “Hey, since sharing beds is so weird to you, I’ll grab some blankets from the closet if you want the couch.”
You pulled the blankets up around your neck. “I’m not going anywhere. Need I remind you that you forced me into this bed? It’s mine until morning. You take the couch!”
In a huff Lyra grasped the blankets as well. “I’m not going anywhere! It’s my bed!!!”
Even though you wanted the couch to begin with, you were too stubborn to leave. “Suit yourself.” You said as you rolled away from her and onto your side.
You felt Lyra roll in the opposite direction. “Sleep tight, Twinkle Toes.”
“Don’t let the bed bugs bite, Minty Fresh.”
She blew a raspberry your way and laid her head down to sleep. You laid on your side, considering whether or not you really did want the couch, but ultimately decided that if it wasn’t a big deal to her to share a bed, it really shouldn’t be for you as well. It’s not like she was a stranger or anything; the two of you were close enough to be brother and sister. You rolled onto your back with your hands behind your head and stared upward, just barely making out the canopy above you in the dark. You were almost asleep when you felt movement in the bed and a warm leg wrap around you.
“Seriously, Lyra? What if I gouge my eye on your horn—”
—And you cut yourself off when you realized she was fast asleep. Her ear twitched gently as you spoke, but she was otherwise dead to the world. In her sleep she had gravitated toward you and latched on. You very gently tried to roll her over and away and, still sleeping, she murmured in protest and gripped tighter.
Sheesh. This must be hardwired into her.
You admitted defeat. It seemed nothing short of barbed wire and a can of pony repellent was going to keep her off of you, and you were simply too tired and lazy to do anything about it at this point. You whispered “Good night” into her ear which twitched in response, and laid your head back on the pillow.
In less than a moment you had slipped into a deep sleep.