//------------------------------// // 7. *cans.wav* // Story: True Capitalist Ponies: The Melting Pot of Magic // by Generaal //------------------------------// ”And the – Ghostler – says, wie is der master race? Sieg heil! Heil! Right in the – Ghostler’s – face! Not that you would love the – Ghostler - , he is a great disgrace! So Sieg Heil! Heil ! Right in the – Ghostler’s – face! *terret-tet-tet,terret-tet-tet* And the – Engineer – says, we own the world in space! Sieg Heil! Heil! Right in the – Engineer’s – face! And then – Herman Cain - says, they’ll never bomb this place! Sieg Heil! Heil! Right in – Herman Cain’s - face!” GET THIS STUPID SHIT OFF, GET IT - *cans.wav* OFF! Ghost woke up, sweating and panting. Stupid milky-lickers, giving him nightmares… now where in name of capitalism has he gone to, he wondered. It looked like he was in the inside of a hollow tree. O, yeah. Flutter-i-yee had kidnapped him. A freaking colorful talking horse! Stupid sack of crap… When Ghost tried to move, he found himself unable to. Something held him tight. When Ghost looked up, he saw what it was. IT’S THAT STUPID BEAR AGAIN! Ghost tried to move away with all his might, but the bear didn’t even notice it. it was like the bear used Ghost as a pillow. Did Flutter-i-yee use this as a way to keep me locked up? That stupid fear mongrel talking horse piece of crap…!!! Ghost turned his head around to see what time it was. It was half past twelve. Great. I’m stuck for the rest of the night with this… thing. That bear wouldn’t have dared it if we were at 6th Street! All my friends there would help me… I’m known all around those parts, furry boy! I’m known all around... That’s it! I should call up Asho, Suspicious Tumbleweed, Karasz Kun and the others and raid this place! How dare they mess with me! Look at them! And… and… Although he didn’t admit it, Harry the bear was kind of soft. And because he was exhausted from the long and ridiculous day, he fell to sleep. Author’s note: I know you all want it, but there will be no Ghost x Harry the bear. Thank you! Although it was past midnight, it wasn’t really dark outside thanks to Luna’s beautiful night sky. It was a half-full moon and numerous stars sparkled through the sky. Beneath the clouds, on a field beside Ponyville, something lovely was brewing. “So… what do you do for a living?” Karasz Kun said. he just stood there, under the beautiful night sky, talking to the most beautiful mare he had ever laid eyes on. “I? I am the local mailware!” the gray pegasus mare said, blushing. “What? What! So… you bring the mail around for the ponies in Ponyville?” “I sure do!” Derpy said, smiling. Karasz Kun started hoping that out of nowhere the song “can you feel the love tonight” from the Lion King would start playing. Unfortunately, this Don Juan had to do this himself. “A draconequus?” Ghetto Capitalist mumbled. “It is not Discord, baby, he is turned to stone and standing in the garden… ” Shining Armor nodded. “This is another one. He is one of your fellow human-Bronies. Perhaps you should meet him. He is not really used to his power and Princess Luna has ordered me to tell you that you need to keep an eye on him. Make sure that he does not get out of hand.” “Come on, baby! I already got lot of things to do! Why can’t someone else do it, baby?” Ghetto Capitalist protested. I still wonder why I keep hearing a foal crying when I’m near him… Shining Armor thought. “That is something much more important! Besides, there isn’t really a lot that you need to do. You’re in the military now. I don’t know where it works where you came from, but out here, we follow orders.” Shining Armor said to him while putting his ‘strict’ face on. When the two unicorns went around the corner, they saw the draconequus standing there. He was mostly gray (unlike Discord being brown) and didn’t have that goat beard that Discord had. But one thing was something that was remarkable to Ghetto. He’s fat. The draconequus was writing on some papers. What he was writing about, Ghetto didn’t know. Ghetto approached the draconequus. “Hello?” The draconequus looked up. “Yes?” “I’m Ghetto Capitalist, baby! Lieutenant of the human battalion here in Canterlot! Mr. Shining Armor here instructed me to spy on you all the time, baby!” he said, while nodding towards Shining, who instantly facehoofed. “Well…” the draconequus said – who, to Ghetto’s opinion had a very heavy voice for some reason – “I suppose that Celestia and Luna obviously want that. They just want to maintain control to overcome that someone would topple them over… right?” Ghetto nodded. “Pretty much, baby!” The draconequus then shook hoof/paw with Ghetto. “Then that must be it. Well, I’m Alexander. Known all throughout the States. I hope this can be the beginning of a solid cooperation.” Shining Armor then walked away while facehoofing. It is already late. I’m off to bed. I will deal with this mess later. Some hours later Luna’s moon went under the horizon to make way for the dawn. Celestia’s sun rose in the sky and everypony in Ponyville was waking up from a quiet night. And of course there was Ghost, who was still stuck in the furry arms of a bear who used him as a pillow. He was almost squeezed tight, but finally the bear let go of him and went outside. The reason for that was obvious, as Fluttershy was feeding the animals. This gave Ghost a chance to stretch his legs for a moment. ow, ow, ow, ow! I will need a whole lot of Johnny Walker to dull the pain this time… stupid bear! Ghost tried to walk outside – he had no idea where the house was where the other capitalists were staying, but it was better than nothing. They have to be looking for me! I am the talent! But just before he was outside, Fluttershy walked back in. she was of course nursing and caring like always. “O, my goodness! You’re up! I was so worried there last night when you threw up in that ditch that I just had to do something! What do you want for breakfast?” All the while she was pushing him back on the couch, oblivious of the rants that Ghost spew out in the meantime. “Now what you need, mister, is some warm soup! Yes! That will fix you right up! I can still hear you couching! It must be a terrible illness you have!” she then reached her right forehoof up to his head. “O, my! You’re glowing red! You need some extra bedtime right away!” When Fluttershy had Ghost set on the couch again, Ghost of course immediately wanted to get the hell out of there. “Listen, you stupid sack of crap Flutter-I-yee…” “GRMBL!” he something grumbling behind him. When he looked up, he saw it was that bear again, somehow urging him to stay put and just let Fluttershy nurse somepony – like that bear was doing Fluttershy a favor. When will the cavalry arrive? Ghost wondered. It was going to be a long day. But there was one thing he knew: he had to go back to Earth. Of course, the pony princesses that brought him here weren’t exactly much of a help, and it was obvious they wouldn’t help him now. Maybe a neighboring country would be a help. Maybe they had portals there that would lead to other worlds – including his own. The trip would be long, but his fellow capitalists would of course help him. When he was thinking about it, suddenly he heard a female voice with a Texan accent talking to Flutter-i-yee. Was that the cavalry, or…? When he looked up, he saw it was another fruity talking horse – Applejack. Named after the alcoholic beverage for some fruity reason. Even her name was fruity. Ghost pointed his ears to hear what they were talking about. “So… she has to do a test?” he heard Fluttershy say. “Yeah, something like that. The princess wants that from her. And knowing Twilight, she is a bit stressfull right now.” “So… what do I need to do about it?” Fluttershy asked Applejack. “Ah thought we should be there for her, you reckon? I’m sure it will help here if we are there to support her.” “We have to go to Canterlot? But I’ve got a sick patient here that needs my help…” she said while pointing with her hoof in Ghost’s direction. Applejack looked at Ghost. “Isn’t that that troublemaker from yesterday in town square where Pinkie had vowed to make that stallion her friend?” Fluttershy stared at Ghost, and suddenly her eyes went big. “O, my goodness, you’re right!” “Yah can’t just take anypony in, Fluttershy! Before yah know it ponies will use yah for their own benefit!” “Uhm… I don’t know, Applejack. He is really ill, and needed my help!” “Why would he need yah help, Fluttershy? Tell me.” “He was puking in a ditch yesterday and just now his forehead was really hot…” “Just because somepony was drunk in apple cider doesn’t mean they’re ill, Fluttershy. Before yah know it, he would’ve been violent.” Then Harry the bear grumbled a bit, and Applejack realized that Fluttershy actually never had been in any real danger. “Anywho…” Applejack said. “We should be going to Twilight. Can you leave the animals behind for a few days?” Fluttershy nodded. “Angel and Harry can take care of everything. It is not the first time I’ve been gone for a few days.” The bunny, who was standing in the door opening, and Harry both nodded simultaneously. Fluttershy quickly packed a few of her things and then went off with Applejack, leaving the animals – and Ghost – behind. When they had left, Ghost stared at Harry. “So… can I go now?” Harry nodded, letting Ghost get out of the house. No use keeping him here, right? Ghost quickly left the house, trying to keep distance from Fluttershy and Applejack who were heading towards Twilight’s library. Instead, he went for the place where the other capitalists were located… if he could find it. When looking around him when he entered Ponyville, there was a realization that dawned into him. I’m lost. Suspicious Tumbleweed, Tzeki and Equestrian Citizen were at the kitchen sink making breakfast. Being ponies made the job a bit harder, but the tree knew that they would get the hang of it eventually. It was just a time of adjusting. Time. Nothing more than that. (Unless something would interrupt them, but to them, it seemed like they were having a peaceful time for the moment.) “Now to think of it…” Suspicious wondered out loud. “Why is Karasz Kun asleep? To me, he never seemed to be much of a sleeper.” “He made it last night,” Equestrian Citizen responded. “He’s still sleeping.” Asho – who was sitting on the couch – tuned in “Karasz Kun and Derpy, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G…” “Asho, stop that!” Suspicious snarled at him. “Just be nice to him! He already has it diificult…” “…From having not so many brain cells…” Tzeki mumbled, which made Asho grin. Suspicious heard it, but decided not to give him also a speech. She instead turned her attention to Asho. “Say, Asho…” Suspicious said. “Have you made any friends yet? You have to go school tomorrow, so you better have made some friends!” “But I don’t wanna go to school! I already did that when I was human!” “So? Does that change here?” Suspicious said, smirking. “Well…” “Then you will just go to school. Every child – or foal –has to. But you haven’t answered my question yet. Have you made any friends?” “Uhm…” Asho thought. “Yes! Thre is this kid called Button Mash. He’s totally cool.” “All right…” “…and his mother is totally MILF! Just check her out! She’s hot!” That made Suspicious facehoof. She did not know how to respond to it properly, but just went with the ‘’we are not talking that way about other kids’ parents’’ speech towards Asho, which made Tzeki grin. Tzeki always thought that Asho needed to be shut up. “But have you made any other friends? Or just Button Mash?” “Yeah!” Asho said. “The Cutie Mark Crusaders! And there were a few other foals and fillies I saw the previous day, but of course I will have to see them…” he sighed. “…tomorrow.” That made the others laugh. And then Engineer walked in. “djze-eh,eh!” “Good morning, Engineer!” Suspicious said. “Good morning, actual host!” Tzeki said. “Sleep wel?” “Nja-ah! Djaa-a-a-ah!” “Good for you,” Tzekl said, not understanding the mumbling of the Engineer. “Is Karasz Kun still sleeping?” “Ja!” “Talking ‘bout waking up,” Equestrian Citizen said, “I should wake up mah daughter. She actually shouldn’t be asleep right now, ya know?” “You do that!” Suspicious said. Equestrian Citizen then went off. It made Suspicious think, though. Equestria really is a peaceful place. But we haven’t seen any kind of adventure yet – it is like I’m still home, but now being a pony. Maybe it will come some other time? And where is Ghost? I’m starting to worry a bit about him… Ghostler was walking through town in the hopes of finding the house that was given to the capitalists – easier said than done. Except for one or two strange and fruity looking houses, most of them were just made of wood and plaster – except that said plaster had a lot of hay in it and looked like it would go down in any moment. You know what? Let’s just ask one of these talking horses if they know where it is. Will save me a lot of time! Ghost decided to walk up to a pony and ask it about the whereabouts of the capitalist. That unicorn mare on the other side of the street will do. “Excuse me, miss, but…” Ghost attempted to say before the mare saw him and interrupted him. “Hey! I’ve seen you yesterday!” she squeezed. “You’re one of the humans, right?” “Uh… yeah? So what?” She squeezed again and her eyes went big. “Oh! I’ve wanted to talk to one of you all day yesterday! And last night too! I couldn’t sleep about it! Bob-Bon says I’m far too obsessed by humans, but I’m only just interested! Tell me, what is your name?” What does this fruity green talking horse piece of crap want from me?! Ghost thought, but he decided to go along with it. He needed his directions after all. “John Conquest.” Ghost responded to her questions. Immediately, the mare shook his hoof. “A fine please to meet you, good sir! I’m Lyra! Lyra Heartstrings! Oooo…. You must tell me everything! Tell me! What is it like to have fingers? To drive cars? Do you have a society? What kind of government do you support?” “Well, I’m a capitalist, but…” “Oooo! And what is ca-pi-tal-is-m like? I’ve never heard of it!” That made Ghost his nerve break. “YOU HAVE NEVER HEARD ABOUT CAPITALISM?!” The mare, shocked by Ghost his response took a step back. “Uh… no….” Ghost, shocked to by hér response, looked around him and said. “I need a Johnny Walker. or a beer. Or Johnny Walker ánd a beer. Do you know where I can get those?” “What is a John Wolker?” Lyra asked, clueless of what Ghost was talking about. THEY HAVEN’T GOT ANY JOHNNY WALKERS HERE? OR BEER? THOSE SICK SONS OF BITCHES – OR WHATEVER THEY ARE… “Uhm… Mr. Conquest?” Lyra asked. “Yeah? And what do you want?” Ghost shouted in her face. “I really like to know more about humans!” “What? Are you obsessed by us or something?” “Uhm… just a bit interested.” “And what do I need to tell you about humans, then? Listen, pony, all I want is…” “Everything!” “What?” Ghost asked, confused. “I want to know everything about humans!” Lyra said. “Well, you’re not going to, fruity pony! I just need to go to - ” Lyra took a step forward and looked Ghost in the eyes. “No! You’re going to tell me!” “O yeah? And what made you think that?” Ghost asked. Lyra looked around. “It is still early and the streets are still empty. Please, excuse me.” What is this talking horse talking about? But before Ghost could respond, Lyra took a hammer out of nowhere and knocked Ghost out, making him unconscious.