The ponies stared in stunned silence as the dust cleared, revealing a seven foot suit of armor kneeling from the impact. It slowly shifted to its feet, standing over Luna and Celestia easily.
“Hell, it’s about damn time.” It said, its voice distinctly male. They all cocked their heads to the side in confusion.
“What do you think it is?” Twilight asked.
“I’m not sure, but I don’t want to anger it.” Celestia said, stepping forward.
“Hello. My name is Princess Celestia, co-ruler of this land, godd-” She started.
“Goddess of the sun, and your sister is Princess Luna, the other ruler of Equestria and the goddess of the moon. These are the Elements of Harmony. Yes, I already know about you. You gave me this speech when I got here the first time.” It interrupted, startling everyone and raising more questions with the last statement.
“I don’t recall a seven foot tall suit of armor in my kingdom before.” Celestia said.
“I figured you would’ve recognized me by just voice, but I guess inter universal teleportations can make time fly in other places in the multiverse.” He said, the ponies becoming fearful of his knowledge.
“I don’t know who you think you are, buddy, but if you don’t stop talking to the princess like that, you’re going to get a real beatdown.” Rainbow Dash said, flying up to his face. He chuckled, something that one of the ponies barely recognized. Fluttershy narrowed her eyes in concentration on his helmet, needing to be absolutely sure about.
“I guess if you knew who I am, you wouldn’t be so aggressive Dash.” He said. Rainbow huffed, before flying back to her friends.
“If you’re so sure that we would know who you are, then show us your face. Take off the helmet.” Applejack said. He slung the rifle over his back, before grabbing the sides of the helmet. The armor hissed, steam shooting out of joints near his neck, before he slowly took off the helmet. Once the helmet was off, they could see his face, a face that all but three had forgotten. Luna gasped, Celestia’s eyes grew in surprise, and Fluttershy nearly burst into tears at the sight of his face.
“Still don’t know who you are.” Rainbow said. The smile he put on his face fell, his expression turning serious.
“I guess this isn’t the right universe then…” He said glumly, placing the helmet back onto his head, a sucking sound was heard as the air was sealed out of the armor. He took the rifle from its place, his shoulders rising as he heaved a great sigh.
“I was sure this was the right one… Ah well…” He said, pulling off a device from his hip. He pressed a button and a large portal opened up. The two alicorns and pegasus froze in fear that they were about to lose him, seeing the first part of his body disappear into the portal. When Fluttershy was about to start for him, they saw him pull back, pulling out two objects. He slung them over his back, and they saw two packs. One was recognized as the one he was given for his trip to the Deadlands, while the other was a navy blue color, small clinks were heard from inside the bag.
“I guess since this isn’t the right one, I have to wait until the vortex opens up again.” He said, a note of depression taking hold of his words. Fluttershy felt her heart break at the tone, wanting nothing more than to run over and give him a large hug.
“What’s inside the bags?” Twilight asked.
“Nothing you need to concern yourself with.” He snapped, making the ponies reel back at the sudden change in attitude.
“What's made him so aggressive all of the sudden?” Rarity whispered.
“Just the fact that I was wrong about coming home after fighting nonstop for two weeks. I was certain that this universe was the right one only for reality to rear its ugly head and show me the truth that I might not ever make it home, forever lost in a damned pit of hell that allows no solitude and no rest for the weary, lost in battlefields until Death takes me.” He said, making everypony feel pity for their forgotten friend.
“Certainly you haven’t been fighting for two weeks nonstop?” Celestia said.
“I had to fight a doppelganger of myself that spat on Luna’s name because she betrayed Celestia and brutally murdered the Elements of Harmony, then escape a ruined tomb where I had to fight undead until I made it out, afterwards fighting a fucking dragon, then almost had my guts ripped out because of a single man, then had to keep a rapist version of Celestia and Luna away from me, then had to fight two alien races in an effort to survive then ended up in this motherfucking place.” He said, everypony staring at him. He didn’t stop in his angry rant.
“What do I have to do in order to move on to the next universe and save the fucking world there? Fight Discord? Hold off the changeling army while everypony panics? Save Ponyville from being destroyed by Ursa Minors? Hunt down an Ursa Major? Go to the Deadlands and search for a book that raises the undead before they start taking over Equestria? Find an artifact long lost in the depths of Tartarus? Fight off an alien armada as they glass the planet using superheated plasma? Sacrifice my life so that the world is saved from King Sombra?” He said, the situations described running through everypony’s head.
“Daniel, you don’t have to do any of those things…” Celestia said. Before he continued, he took a moment to search her words. He turned to her, a smile growing behind that helmet.
“I really am home, aren’t I?” He said. Celestia, Luna, and Fluttershy nodded at the same time. The rest of the ponies grew confused at the sudden change of emotion.
“I didn’t mean to say all of that, it’s just that I thought I was never going to come back here.” He said, a relieved laugh escaping his lips.
“Sorry, but did ah just miss something?” Applejack said.
“I guess you guys just forgot about me. Let me reintroduce myself. My name is Daniel, I am the human you saved three years ago from Earth and brought me here, then I worked for Applejack for all those years, and its been who knows how long since I’ve returned here from being teleported, after going to the Deadlands and saving Equestria from being destroyed by the undead.” He said, while the rest of the Elements finally remembered Daniel. Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Twilight, and Rarity grew flushed with embarrassment, Pinkie squealing with delight and trying to tackle Daniel with a hug.
“I’m so happy that you’re alright Daniel! I thought you had died because you were gone for so long! I have to go and get a party ready and I have to -” Pinkie said, before Daniel covered her mouth with a large hand.
“Pinkie, you don’t have to do any of that, I’m just glad I’m back.” He said, uncovering her mouth. She looked up with a blush on her face, attempting to wrap her arms around his massive torso, only managing to get them halfway around him.
“This armor is too big!” She pouted, pressing her face against the breastplate and trying to wrap her arms around his back.
“I have to get out of the armor first. What I do need is some damn clothes though…” He said.
“What happened to the other armor you had?” Luna asked.
“I still have it.” He said, pulling the device from his hip and pressing the button, the portal from earlier opening up. Pinkie looked inside, her mouth open in excitement. He reached in and pulled out the pieces of armor, setting them on the ground. Before he closed it, he pulled out everything else, including the bow and arrows, dispenser, two greatswords, and Red Sniper’s hat. The ponies stared curiously at the objects, only a few they recognize, while most of the things he pulled out were unknown to them. He moved to one of the closets lining the walls and moved from his armor, switching to the lighter, and less bulky, armor, wearing the hat, the two greatswords, bow, and arrows on his back. He placed the pieces of armor, gauss rifle, and packs of items into the portal and closed it. He stepped out of the closet, the ponies turning to see him.
“That’s quite a lot of weapons you’ve managed to pick up.” Twilight said.
“Pays to be prepared.” He said with a shrug.
“You seem shorter without that other armor.” Rainbow said.
“It adds a foot in height and weighs several hundred pounds.” He answered.
~~~Eight hours later~~~
After an hour of talking to the ponies, we came to the train station and returned to Ponyville. A nice small party that Pinkie set up in under five minutes, that includes hard cider, hardcore spin the bottle, dirty truth and dare, and what they called ‘sexy wrestling’.
“So, which game do you want to play first?” Pinkie asked.
“Dirty truth and dare!" Twilight and Rainbow yelled together.
"Spin the bottle!" Applejack yelled.
Pinkie turned to the rest of the ponies, and human, and cocked an eyebrow.
"So what will it be?" She asked. Rarity sighed in apprehension.
"I don't wish to participate in such games." She huffed.
"You got to!" Pinkie pleaded. I opened my arms open as I stretched, while Pinkie took this as an opportunity to speed into my lap, getting a surprised grunt as she slammed herself down on my crotch. I looked at her with an almost pained look, while she giggled and kissed my cheek. I looked at her suspiciously, seeing Fluttershy fuming in the corner.
"I guess I can take truth and dare...." I said, getting smiles from Pinkie, Twilight, and Rainbow.
"Four votes for truth and dare, majority vote has concluded and we shall start the game is just a few minutes." Pinkie said in an uncharacteristically professional tone. Everypony turned to her in confusion, but quickly placed it under the 'Pinkie being Pinkie' category.
"I'm going to grab a drink." I said, pushing myself up and grabbing a red solo cup, which surprised me the first time, and poured some ice cold hard cider into the cup, immediately pressing my lips to the cup and draining half of it within five seconds. I refilled it quickly, taking the drink back to the spot I was sitting. Pinkie was scratching her chin, her eyes narrowed as she looked between the ponies and human. Her eyes locked with Twilight's and she smiled evilly.
"Twilight! Truth or dare?" She asked. Twilight remained silent for a few seconds, her eyes darting around the room.
"Truth." She answered.
"Is it true..." Pinkie started, getting to her feet and pacing back in forth. "That you played with yourself in college?" Pinkie finished, smiling evilly. Twilight's entire face grew red hot with embarrassment as she nodded once and dug her face into her hands. Everypony erupted into laughter while I sympathized the mare. Twilight grew flustered as she looked between the mares and human, locking her eyes on Rainbow Dash.
"Rainbow, truth or dare?" She asked. Rainbow puffed out her chest and immediately said.
"Dare!" Twilight smiled evilly as she thought of her dare.
"Why don't you strip for everypony and give them a small dance?" Twilight said, causing Rainbow to sputter. Her arguments fell on deaf ears as she was forced to strip down to her underwear and dance like a stripper for a minute. The second Twilight said she was okay to put her clothes on, she practically teleported into them. Rainbow Dash locked eyes with me and smiled cruelly.
"Daniel. Truth or dare?" She asked, causing me to think.
"Truth." I said, deciding to play safe for the moment.
"Is it true that you're still a virgin?" She asked. I turned my attention towards Fluttershy, who smiled sheepishly.
"Yes, I have not had sex with anyone." I said, causing Rainbow Dash and Applejack to sputter into laughter. I gritted my teeth, taking the drink in hand and downing the entire drink within a few seconds, crushing the cup in my hand easily.
I turned my attention to the rest of the ponies, each making eye contact with me. I looked at Fluttershy and smirked slightly.
"Fluttershy. Truth or dare?" I asked. "Dare." She answered immediately.
"I dare you to take off a single article of clothing for the rest of the night," I said, the mare immediately taking off her shirt shamelessly.
"Applejack, truth or dare?" Fluttershy asked without looking at AJ. "Dare."
~Morning~
I woke up, feeling warm all over my body. I opened my eyes and growled, the sun conveniently placed to be burning into my eyes as I open them. I let my eyes grow accustomed to the light, and saw a... strange sight. The mares were all sitting among themselves, drinking coffee or tea. I picked myself off of the floor, catching their attention.
"You're finally awake!" Pinkie yelled, handing me a cup of hot coffee. I looked at the mares before taking a sip of the coffee. It was lightly sugared and fairly creamed, and was absolutely perfect. I continued to sip on the coffee, seeing the mares giving me surprised looks.
"Uh Daniel... Are ya okay?" Applejack asked.
"I'm perfectly fine." I answered truthfully. They gave astonished looks and I shook my head.
"What's the matter? Is it something in my coffee?" I asked, looking at Pinkie.
"It's nothing really, but Pinkie just gave you coffee." Rainbow said sarcastically. "And it's freaking perfect." I said, taking another large gulp.
"Whenever Pinkie gives somepony coffee, it's always way too strong." Fluttershy said. "I guess since I'm a different species, I'm not affected by this as much as you guys are." I said, giving a shrug as I drank more of it.
"It also means that she wants to be in a relationship with that pony." Twilight said. I choked on the coffee, nearly spitting it out. I cleared my throat a few times, getting the coffee out of my trachea. I looked over at Fluttershy, and she nodded.
"I'd be honored." I said, hearing a loud squeal behind me. Next thing I knew, I was on my back, coffee on the table, with a pair of sugary lips pressed against mine, a loud moan filling the air. I cleared my vision and saw that Pinkie was on top of me, her eyes closed, her lips pressed to mine. Her lips were soft, with a faint hint of... cotton candy and sugar coating her lips. I returned her kiss, the rest of the mares staring in surprise and awe. "Pinkie, how did ya bring him down so quickly?" Applejack asked. Pinkie giggled but didn't pull away.
"It's a good thing it's Daniel then. Most stallions that she has gotten with are only for a quick rut." Fluttershy said, clearly unfazed. The rest of the mares agreed and Pinkie finally pulled away.
"Wow! Fluttershy was right! He is a great kisser!" Pinkie said. I chuckled and got up, rubbing the back of my head. A frantic knocking caught everypony's attention and I answered the door. A royal guard stood at it, out of breath.
"Princess Celestia requests you immediately. She also said bring your armor and weapons." He said. I noticed that I already had my armor on and went to go grab the black hole simulator. I grabbed it, opening it up to check for the CMC armor and Gauss Rifle and found them just floating there. I closed it and walked out with the guard, the elements following behind quickly. Suddenly a bright flash caught us all off guard and we were teleported to Canterlot. We stood in the throne room, both princesses sitting on their thrones.
"My apologize, but the reason I summoned you here on such short notice is that we have rumor of an attack that will take place here tomorrow. I have roused the guards and have set up defenses all over the city, but with Daniel and the Elements of Harmony on our side, we will successfully repel the attack." Celestia said, writing a message as she talked. She sent the message off.
"So we need to stay here until the battle has commenced or if this rumor has blown over?" I asked.
"Exactly. Surely you understand." Celestia said.
"Of course Princess!" Twilight said.
"You are allowed to stay in the guest rooms until this rumor blows over, which it hopefully stays a rumor..." Celestia said.
"Time for me to get into my armor then.." I said, walking towards the guest rooms. The mares followed and we quickly arrived at the guest rooms. Pinkie, Fluttershy, and I walked into one room, while the other mares took different rooms for themselves. I closed the door and walked into the bathroom, getting into the CMC armor. I finished putting on the armor ad stepped out, ducking to avoid hitting my head. I saw Pinkie and Fluttershy talking to each other, laying on the bed with each other. They stopped as the door opened, watching me step out. I walked out of the door, heading back to the throne room. I took some wrong turns and ended up in the dining hall, where Celestia and Luna were seated and waiting. They looked up at me.
"I see you're in your armor Daniel." Celestia said simply.
"Yep. Need to tell me anything else Sherlock?" I quipped. They gave me confused glances.
"Sherlock? What?" Luna said.
"I do in fact. I will allow you to use your weapon when the gryphons attack. Otherwise, you must always have it holstered or do something to secure the weapon from misfires." Celestia said. I flipped a switch that was labeled 'Safety'.
"Safety's on, should not fire unless I turn it off." I said, getting more looks from the princesses.
"Excuse my lack of knowledge, but what does the safety do?" She asked.
"It keeps the gun from firing. If I try to pull the trigger, then it'll stop the trigger and you won't be able to fire. All it takes is a simple flip of the switch and you'll be able to fire once more." I said, demonstrating it. I of course did not fire.
"How powerful is the weapon?" Luna asked.
"Imagine five ponies standing in a straight line. Now firing one of these shots and all five ponies have a massive hole in their chest and the bullet keeps going. This rifle also has a alternate firing mode. It fires a single round and would punch through stone like a knife through scrib jelly." I explained.
"Why would you have something like that?!" Celestia's voice cracked and shrilled.
"Where this came from, it's actually a weak weapon. It wouldn't be able to punch through this armor," I tapped the armor. "and wouldn't be able to punch through the toughest zerg carapace. And the energy shield I have..." I said.
"Energy shield? I don't feel it." Celestia said.
"It's artificial, not made with magic. It's created with a chip that I have in the back of my helmet." I said. I took the chip out of the back of the helm and showed it to them. They looked at the small chip and I put it back into my helmet, the energy shield lighting up as it recharged. The princesses looked in surprise at the light silver shield. It fully recharged in thirty seconds and the glow disappeared.
"We'll be fully prepared for an attack tomo-" Before Celestia finished her sentence, the doors burst open and a bloody stallion stumbled into the chambers. The princesses stood up in shock.
"The... gryphons..." He muttered, before he started to choke on his own blood. A blood covered gryphon flew in through the open doors and let out a battle cry, locking it's eyes on Celestia. Before he moved, he exploded in a mess of gore and meat. The ponies stared at the scene then turned to me, looking at the smoking barrel of the gun.
"Damn shame."
The pony/gryphon war has begun.