//------------------------------// // The ETSAB and You // Story: Sideboard of Harmony // by FanOfMostEverything //------------------------------// Introduction to the Equestrian Time-Space Administration Bureau Unofficially annotated by Agent Lyra Heartstrings The Equestrian Time-Space Administration Bureau does what ponies have always done: guide the natural world towards greater harmony. The only difference is what the Bureau guides. As you may have guessed from the organization's name, we ensure that time flows and space expands. That future follows past and here leads to there. It's every bit as difficult and thankless as it sounds. When the ETSAB was founded and how long it has existed are simple questions with very complex answers. In an organization where time travel may be so routine as to be part of an agent's "daily" commute, a definite origin point is hard to come by. Furthermore, while on assignment, some agents may experience years or even decades in subjective time when only days have passed according to the calendar, or vice versa! Thankfully, that's all the Time Division's problem, so you and I don't have to worry about that kind of horseapples. Usually. Confidentiality Given the incredibly sensitive and vital nature of the ETSAB's work, we remain a top state secret. Only those with Princess-level security clearance or higher are permitted to know of our existence. Anyone with unauthorized knowledge of the Bureau will be subject to memory alteration as per the Temporaspacial Security Act of 4917. It makes sense, really. Weather ponies get bugged all the time as it is. Imagine if you knew somepony who could literally give you an hour of their time! Oh, and the whole "use for evil" thing. However, this does not mean that agents are expected to live as traceless nonentities! While the ETSAB does offer comfortable, subsidized living quarters for those who want them, agents are free and encouraged to live their lives normally. We use a number of tried-and-tested hypnotic, psychomantic, and other methods to ensure inactive agents don't accidentally divulge confidential information. Ask your supervisor about the options available to you. Note that they don't say where the housing is, or the side effects of those methods. Scope Despite the name, the ETSAB doesn't just worry about Equestria. We keep the whole universe running! As such, you have full diplomatic immunity when on assignment (and only on assignment!) We provide all necessary transportation in both space and time so you can focus on the task at hand. On the other hand, that diplomatic immunity rarely extends to other timelines. As such, moving is never necessary when accepting a position in the ETSAB. Rest assured, no matter where or even when your Point A, we can get you to Point B. Bureau Structure The following list identifies each of the divisons, deparments, and offices of the Equestrian Time-Space Administration Bureau. Time Division Division Administrator: Second Hand Department of Causal Affairs Head of Department: Dr. John Smith Office of Maintenance Executive Officer: Trouble Shoot Makes sure history stays as it should. Office of Posterity Executive Officer: Clay Tablet Keeps records so the OoM knows how history should be. Office of Enforcement Executive Officer: Spoiler Alert Cracks down on unscrupulous time travelers. Department of Chronomantic Concerns Head of Department: Time Twister Office of Voluntary Transit Executive Officer: All Aboard Gets you when you need to go. Office of Dislocation Executive Officer: Encino Mare Helps ponies who are in the wrong time. Office of Desynchronization Executive Officer: Burst Bubble Helps ponies who are experiencing time oddly. Department of Anomalous Affairs Head of Department: Closed Loop Office of Investigation Executive Officer: Deep Analysis Figures out what's going on with wide-scale weird time stuff. Office of Resolution Executive Officer: Quick Fix-It Fixes wide-scale weird time stuff. Office of Precedence Executive Officer: Bronze Tablet Records what fixed weird time stuff for future reference. Department of Metacommunications Head of Department: Express Delivery Office of Tardyonic Communications Executive Officer: Post Box Sends messages that arrive after they're sent. You technically work for them. Office of Tachyonic Communications Executive Officer: Second Degree Sends messages that arrive before they're sent. Office of Achronic Communications Executive Officer: Exact Change Sends messages that arrive exactly when they're sent. This comes up more often than you'd think. Space Division Division Administrator: Inner Core Department of Quantum Affairs Head of Department: Steady Handlebars Office of Parallel Timelines Executive Officer: Myriad Ways Coolest office. Office of Improbabilities Executive Officer: Golden Bale Handles spontaneous chaos magic outbreaks and other unlikely events. Office of Ontological Ambiguity Executive Officer: Problem Sleuth Makes stuff exist. Or not. It's weird; ask Pumpkin. Department of Extraplanar Affairs Head of Department: Rose Waterlily Office of Eldritch Beings Executive Officer: Lost Scroll Deals with that which pony was not meant to know. High employee turnover. Office of Interplanar Transit Executive Officer: Culture Clash You consult for these guys, so second-coolest office. Office of Interplanar Communications Executive Officer: Greeting Card Finally has something to do now that you're around. Department of Cosmic Affairs Head of Department: Glorious Dawn Office of Extraplanetary Travel Executive Officer: Eva Houston Handles the really big teleports. Office of Extraplanetary Life Executive Officer: Robin Berry Hey, you never know. Office of Sidereal Management Executive Officer: Coriander Pinch Handled the stars and such before Luna came back. She's co-opted it for her own purposes. Department of Magical Concerns Head of Department: Rubber Sheet Office of Translocation Executive Officer: Round Trip Handles intraplanetary teleportation. Office of Subdimensions Executive Officer: Dust Speck Manages the little things. Office of Hyperspace Executive Officer: Great Beyond Manages the big things. There's also the Oversight Division, but no one knows much about them. They're there to make sure none of the rest of us go mad with power. Exactly how they go about doing that, I don't know, but the universe hasn't collapsed so far. We're sure you will become an invaluable part of what keeps the world safe, stable, and sensical. Thank you in advance for all your hard work. Princess Mi Illusione Prudenza, Bureau Chief Welcome to the team, Ditzy, and good luck. You're probably going to need it.