//------------------------------// // Earth World Problems // Story: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic -- Off The Record // by The King of Hearts //------------------------------// //// Earth World Problems //// Dash stepped out of Alex’s parent’s room, wearing a colorful tank top, and a pair of rather short shorts. “Where did you find those?” Alex asked, never having seen those on his mother. “They were in the closet,” She shrugged, doing a twirl for him, “How do I look?” “Great,” Alex said, deciding to leave it alone, “Anything else you need to do?” “I don’t think so,” She said, looking in the bathroom mirror quickly, “Do I look okay?” “Honestly, I haven’t seen a girl in makeup for a year,” Alex laughed, “But you seem to do fine without it.” “Are you sure?” She asked, “I don’t want to make a bad impression if I look bad!” “You won’t, Dash,” Alex reassured, “Knowing my uncle, he’ll love you.” “I hope so…” She said, surprisingly worried, “I’ve never had to impress anypony—AnyONE’s family before.” “It’ll be easy,” Alex laughed, knowing his uncle was the most easygoing guy he knew, “Just be yourself, he loves confidence in people.” “But I’m not people,” She sighed, “I’m a pony.” “I know,” He nodded, “But don’t go telling him that. Ponies aren’t that smart in this world.” “Ooh!” She said quickly, “Can I see one?!” “Uh,” He said, wondering if he even had any horses anymore, “We might need to see them at my uncles.” “Sounds good to me,” She said, “I wanna be around my people.” “I wouldn’t say that they’re your people…” Alex said under his breath, as they approached the door. “Is it different outside?” She asked, poking her head out the window, “It looks pretty normal to me, but what are those metal things on the road?” “Oh!” Alex said, looking out at what must have looked like moving metal boxes to her, “Those are cars!” “Huh,” She said, studying a few as they drove by the house, “I pictured them differently.” “I’m not a good describer,” Alex admitted, knowing he could get lost in explanation from time to time, “But yeah, don’t get hit by one, you’ll probably get squished.” “Got it!” She nodded, as Alex opened the door in front of them, gesturing for her leave first. Stepping outside, she squinted at the sunlight. She had been inside for so long that her eyes were adjusted to the nice, tranquil brightness of inside his house. Walking around his house, Alex was surprised to see one of the horses still in the stable. He guessed this would be the time to introduce Dash to her buddy. “Over here,” Alex said, gesturing to the stable, as jogged over to him, “These are horses here.” Walking inside and approaching the beast, Dash looked it over, expecting some kind of reaction from it. “What’s wrong with it?” Dash asked, seeing just how apathetic it was about life. “They’re just like that,” Alex explained, hoping it didn’t make her feel weird, “Pretty bored with life.” “But they’re normally in the wild, right?” She asked. “Yeah,” He nodded, “When they get caught, they get broken, and then trained to be riding horses.” She frowned, and couldn’t help but notice the smell in the room, “Does it just crap in here?” “It does,” Alex said, seeing the agitation on her face, “But it really doesn’t mind.” “How do you know?” She asked, not looking at him. “Just think of any animal in Equestria that is held in a cage,” Alex tried to reason, “Like dogs, or cats, or even a bird. It’s like that.” She nodded. “They don’t have the intelligence to really care,” He sighed, “This is just a world where they evolved differently.” “I guess,” She finally said, “Let’s get going, before this depresses me.” “Sure,” He said, as they exited the stable, walking back toward the road, that had calmed down quite a bit since the rush hour a while ago. Their walk from his property to his uncles was rather quiet, as she thought to herself silently. Alex couldn’t disagree with her reaction to what she had seen. If he had seen a human with no intelligence, locked in a cage and used for the benefit of another species, he would have been uncomfortable with it, no matter how the human felt. Walking up to the door, Alex knocked a few times, before they were greeted with the sound of multiple dogs barking on the other side of the door. “Hey!” Chet called from the other side, “Get to your beds! Go!” The sound of several dogs walking away from the door was heard next, followed by a door closing. Then, finally, the front door opened, and they were greeted by Alex’s uncle. “Hey!” He smiled, looked back and forth between them, “Come on in!” Dash looked at the man. He was obviously older than Alex, since he was his uncle. So she guessed that he was in his early forties. He had a larger body. Not fat at all, but muscular, probably from working on a farm. On his face, he had a pair of glasses, and a lot of scruff, right off of being a beard. “Thanks,” Alex said, as they entered the house, as the smell of heavy cream, and pasta filled the air. “I hope you kids are hungry!” He smiled, pointing to the kitchen, “The bag ripped and all the noodles fell in, so there’s plenty extra.” “I could eat a horse,” Alex laughed, before looking quickly to Dash, “Uh, figuratively, of course.” "Nice to meet'cha darlin'," Chet said, extending his hand, to which she gave an odd look, “Name’s Chet.” Alex held his breath, hoping that she could recognize the similarity between this and a hoof shake. Reaching forward, she took his hand in hers, and shook it like a pro, “Sarah Connor.” “No way!” He laughed, not believing her name, “I love that movie!” “I’ve never seen it, actually,” She said, as he went wide eyed, “Alex is going to show it to me tonight though.” “Don’t waste your time on the first,” He said, shaking his head, “It’s good and all, but you want the second.” “Got it,” She smiled, taking a step back. “Are the guests here?” A woman’s voice called from the kitchen. “Sure are, honey!” He called over his shoulder, as Alex gave him a look. “This a girlfriend?” He asked. “Nope,” Chet smiled, “I’ve been busy while you were gone.” “It’s serious, huh?” Alex smiled at him, “What’s her name?” Walking around the corner, Alex immediately felt his jaw drop. It was his old principle from school. “Hey, Alex,” She smiled, “It’s great to see you back.” Now, this wasn’t any ordinary principle. She was known at school for her dynamite body, long brunette hair, and her damn good looks. She had always been tough, but completely fair. When she started in his second year, she had cracked down on smoking and drinking on the campus, almost entirely eliminating it. All the students that had gotten in trouble were still let off with only warnings. Alex and his own friends had more than once talked about how they wished she would call them into the office, and give them the: ‘You’ve been a naughty boy,’ routine, before proceeding to rip off her clothing, revealing her bustier and grabbing a riding crop. And with a name like Miss Victoria, they could only make lingerie jokes. Of course, that had just been guy talk, nothing more. “Uh, hey Miss Victoria,” Alex said, shocked that she had gotten together with his uncle. “I’m so sorry about your parents,” She said sympathetically, “I know that three months isn’t enough time for these wounds to heal, so please, if you need anything, just ask.” “Of course,” Alex nodded. Looking over to Dash, she reached out to shake her hand as well, “Hi, I know Alex was calling me ‘Miss Victoria,’ but please, call me Tammy.” Shaking her hand as well, Dash smiled, “It’s great to meet you, I’m Rain— Ahem -- Sarah Connor.” “Your hair looks so good!” She said, before looking Dash in the eyes, “My goodness… Your eyes are beautiful too.” “They are?” Dash asked, not knowing that her eye color was unnatural here, “I mean, thanks!” “I’ve never seen magenta eyes before,” She said incredulously, leaning close to her face, “Did either of your parents have them?” “No…” She said, shaking her head, “My dad had yellow eyes, and my mothers were purple.” “My goodness!” She laughed, backing up, “I’d love to see pictures of them someday.” “I could probably draw some pretty accurate ones,” Alex said, winking to Dash. “Well, why don’t you all go to the dining room, while I serve the food?” Chet suggested, as he walked back to the kitchen. “Sure thing,” Alex said, as Tammy led the way to the dining room, “He sure has cleaned the place up.” “It was such a mess, when I first started coming around,” The principle laughed, looking back and forth, “He’s cleaned up nicely for me.” “That’s great to hear,” Alex said. “How did you two meet?” Dash asked, not wanting to be excluded from the conversation. “Well, we met over this guy,” Tammy said, pointing to Alex, “When he disappeared, I needed to talk to a member of his family regarding the rest of his schooling.” “And that’s how you met Chet?” Alex asked. “Actually, I already knew him,” She smiled, “I just didn’t know it then.” “Where did you first meet him?” Dash asked. “We went to school together,” She explained, thinking back to her high school days, “He was a bit of a loser back then, though.” “I knew that,” Alex chuckled, thinking of all the stories his father had told him about Chet learning Klingon to impress a girl he met online, “But to be honest, I’d probably learn it if I had the chance.” “So, when we met face-to-face in my office, I couldn’t help but notice that he looked… better.” She smiled, thinking back to that day, “One thing led to another, and we started dating.” “Never would have dated him when he was younger, huh?” Alex asked. “Not in a million years,” She laughed, “My reputation would have been ruined.” Finally sitting down, Alex sat next to Dash on the side of the table facing the wall, and Tammy sat on the opposite side, facing the kitchen. “Dinner is served!” Chet called, walking into the room with two large serving bowls, one in each hand. Placing them down the table clothed table, he quickly ran back, and grabbed a few utensils to serve the food with, dropping the spoon in the sauce, and a fork in the pasta. “Eat up!” Not wasting a second, Dash reached forward, and grabbed herself a healthy portion of fettuccini, and gave herself an equally large amount of sauce with it. “You sure you’re gonna eat all that? Chet asked. “Sure!” She smiled, “I haven’t eaten since we got here, and I have a pretty big appetite.” “Good to hear,” Chet smiled, “We don’t need Alex dating a sack of bones.” They all laughed, and then proceeded to fill their own plates. “So,” Tammy spoke up, “Where have you been, Alex?” “Oh… I’ve been all over,” Alex shrugged, “Las Vegas, Manhattan, Washington.” “Really?” Chet asked, “How’d ya’ get around?” “Busses, some hitchhiking,” Alex lied, “Three months gave me plenty of time to get there.” “I'll bet,” Chet nodded, “And where did you two meet?” “New York,” They both said at once. “Really?” Tammy smiled, “Where in the city?” “Off Broadway,” Dash answered, “I was going to audition for some lame role, in something I can’t even remember, when I ran into Alex as he wandered around!” “You were just cruising?” Chet asked, raising an eyebrow, “Where you looking for… companions, perhaps?” “What, like hookers?” Alex asked. “Yeah!” Chet nodded, as Tammy shot him a look, silencing him. “Please continue, you two.” She said, looking back to the couple. “Well, there isn’t much else,” Alex shrugged, “We ate some food, she game me her number, and I convinced her to come with me before I left for Washington.” “And you just went with him?” Tammy asked. “He was more fun than any experience I had had there,” She said, “So, I went with him.” “What about your family?” Chet asked. “They live in Canada,” Dash said expertly, “Vancouver.” “Oh, you’re Canadian!” Tammy said, “That explains your impeccable manners, and love for pasta!” Alex had no idea what that meant. Quickly, Chet leaned over to Tammy, and whispered something in her ear, that she nodded to. “What is it?” Alex asked, as they separated, and gave him a serious look. “We wanted to talk to you about school.” Chet said, knowing Alex wouldn’t like this. “What about school…?” Alex asked, giving them worried look. “Well, because of the extreme circumstances, I’ve decided to green light you for taking your finals,” Tammy said, “You only need your Chemistry and Calculus tests to officially graduate.” “There are two tests, and they’re both on the same day,” Tammy explained, taking back her teacher tone, “You pass, you graduate.” “Listen,” Alex said, hoping they would understand his reasoning for not wanting to do them, “I haven’t touched a book in three months. How would I be able to write two exams?” “I’m going to allow you to take them open-book,” She said, hoping this would sway him, “And give you double the time for each.” Alex exhaled as he looked back and forth between them. “And if you agree, you’ll be invited to attend our graduation celebration at the school tomorrow night,” Tammy said, wrapping everything up, “Bring Sarah there, and show her off.” Alex swallowed hard, as he looked to Dash. She had nothing for him. “Is ‘no,’ an option?” Alex asked, holding his breath. “Why wouldn’t you just want to get this over with?” Chet asked, “Then, you could go off, and do whatever you want, with all the money your parents left you, and have the time of your young life! All we’re askin’ you to do, is spend ONE day, takin’ a test.” Alex had hoped that he would be back in Equestria by then, whether it be by his own hand, or by their friends coming to retrieve them. “I had some huge plans,” Alex lied, giving them the most honest look he could, “And really, I would rather just take them fair and square, in case I ever REALLY need the math skills for post-secondary.” Chet and his principle looked to one another, before looking back to him. “Okay,” Chet said, “But you’ve got to promise me you’ll do it in the first semester after the summer.” Alex nodded, giving them the most honest look he had. “Alright,” Tammy said, “But if you don’t, I’ll be on you!” “Got it,” Alex smiled. “And about that dance tomorrow night, feel free to come,” Tammy said, “I think it’d be great for your friends to see you.” “Thanks,” Alex smiled, happy he was still allowed to attend that function. “You know, it’s too bad you vanished when you did,” Tammy said, “I heard you were going to be asked to get on the track team.” Alex laughed nervously, leaning back in his chair and scratching the back of his head, “I did good in ONE hundred meter dash.” “Amazing, more like,” She said, “Don’t be modest.” “A couple of the guys wanted to beat me up after I trounced their time,” Alex laughed, “I decided to skip it.” “You’re a runner?” Dash asked, “I didn’t know that.” “Well, I kinda got side tracked,” Alex smiled at her, “I had to learn to walk again when I met you.” “Is it because you fell for me?” Dash asked, giving him the sappiest look she could. “Sure,” Alex laughed, “Let’s say that.” Finally finishing dinner, the two were shown to the door by Chet and Tammy. “It’s great to see you again, kiddo,” Chet smiled, just happy to see Alex again, “Tell me before you go next time, okay?” “Sure,” Alex smiled, “I’ll see you tomorrow night, Miss Victoria?” “Sure,” She nodded. “I’ll be there too!” Chet spoke up, “I’m bein’ a chaperone!” “Oh good…” Alex said, knowing that he would be picking on him a bit. “Oh, also,” Tammy said quickly, “Stop by the school during the day if you like as well.” “Thanks,” Alex said, as he opened the door behind him and Dash. “It was great to meet you,” Chet said to Dash, “Take care of him.” “I will, don’t worry,” She smirked, “He’d be lost without me at this point.” “Every man needs a woman to take care of him,” Chet smiled. “I couldn’t agree more,” Alex said, looking to his uncle’s girlfriend, and then back to him, “I’ll see you guys tomorrow.” “Thanks for the food!” Dash added, as her and Alex walked outside. “Any time,” Chet said, “Remember! T2!” “I know,” Alex laughed, as his uncle closed the door. “They’re great,” Dash said, looking to Alex, and wrapping her arm around his as they walked. “I know,” Alex said, “I just hope they’re not too crazy tomorrow night.” “It’ll be fine,” Dash said, “Just relax!” “Of course,” He said, as they crossed the road. “Hey,” Dash said quickly, “I wanna see you run!” “Huh?” Alex asked. “That woman said that you were a great runner!” Dash explained, “Why didn’t you ever tell me?” “I never considered myself to be a runner,” Alex shrugged, being totally honest, “I ran one time, and I was fast, but didn’t pursue anything.” “Well show me!” She said, pulling him to the open field next to his house. Rolling his eyes, Alex looked around for a landmark, and was satisfied when he saw a large tree some distance away, “You’ve never even seen a human run, what do you have to compare it to?” “Uh, ponies, stupid!” Shaking his head, he just smiled. “There, you see that big tree?” Alex asked. “Yeah,” She nodded. “I’ll run there and back,” He said, getting his arm free from her. “Go Alex!” She called, trying to mimic the Wonderbolt cheerleaders, “Woo!” Focusing, Alex leaned forward, and suddenly took off. Now, Dash wasn’t really too amazed by the speed. She could clear that distance in a tenth of the time it took him. But, she needed wings to do that. Alex was surprised with the amount of stamina he had. There must have been something about Equestria that gave him an edge in this world. Because he was moving faster than he ever had before, and it wasn’t even fazing him. Hitting the tree, he did a loop around it, and decided to see how fast he could push himself. So, throwing caution to the wind, he booked toward her fast enough to actually surprise Dash. “Wow,” She said, “I guess he IS fast.” Reaching her in half the time it had taken to reach the tree on the way there, he couldn’t help but smile at the lack of effort he had put into such a quick run. “That was good Alex,” Dash smiled, “Almost as good as me!” “I’d ask you to prove it, but you’d fall and hurt yourself,” Alex laughed. “Give me a few days, I’ll be on it.” She said, confident that she could beat him if she tried. “Sure thing, slowpoke.” He said, looking over to the house, “What do you want to do next?” “Let’s go inside and watch that movie!” Dash said quickly, “I’m dying to see these robots and stuff!” “Sure thing, Sarah,” Alex laughed, hoping they could just have a peaceful night together, “And after that movie, maybe I’ll show you some video games…” ////