- Chapter One -
The royal desk of Princess Celestia was a mahogany beast of burden, piled with scrolls, ink wells, and official documents. It stood proudly in the center of her office, cast in shadow from the flickering flames of the fire. Outside, behind the drawn curtains, the lush darkness of true night was beginning to spread silently over Equestria’s skies. One at a time, stars took their places in the heavens and sparkled gently. The princess herself stood in front of the fire, her long white neck bowed elegantly, her long dark lashes closed. Her long, rippling mane seemed to move in time with the fire.
All at once, the door to her study flew open with a bang, and her younger sister, Princess Luna, hurried in.
“My sister!” the smaller, darker pony gasped as she skidded to a stop, “It is time!”
Celestia’s eyes flashed open and she turned instantly. “Are you certain, my sister?”
“Yes,” Luna said, her eyes shining. “Everything is prepared.”
The two regal princesses took the sweeping Canterlot stairs two at a time, hastening towards Princess Luna’s bedchambers. Celestia used a burst of her golden magic to open the door, and the two of them flew inside. In Luna’s room, the bedcovers had been turned down and the pillows freshly plumped. A bowl of popcorn, glistening with butter, was nestled between the cushions. The place was ablaze with light, and the two sisters sat down on Luna’s extravagant bed.
Mounted on the wall was an enormous wide screen television, glowing with electricity. The princesses hushed and ate their popcorn simultaneously.
On screen were two tall, lanky yellow ponies with identical tuxedos and bowties. The only apparent difference between the two redheaded twins was that one of them had grown a mustache. “Good evening, Equestria,” the non-mustached pony said briskly. “And welcome back to the tenth season of Big Brother!”
As wild hoofstomping swept the studio audience, Luna let out a very un-princesslike squeal. Celestia hushed her, her lavender eyes never leaving the screen.
“Sixteen ponies from all different walks of life, all kept together in one house for ninety days. All of them compete for a chance to win one million bits, which could buy them a life of luxury. Their every move and sound is being recorded and broadcasted to all of Equestria. Does that sound like a recipe for disaster?” the mustached pony asked with a mischievous twinkle in his eye.
“Of course it does! But that’s why we’re here. Because this year, we have selected sixteen ponies from all across Equestria, and have decided to give you the biggest and most outrageous season yet!” His brother brayed.
The camera cut to a sleek, light opal pegasus with a stylishly sleek golden mane. “I’m Lightning Dust, and I’m this year’s winner of Big Brother!” she announced, winking. “Just kidding. I live in Fillydelphia, and I’m a Senior Cloud Kicker for the Fillydelphia weather patrol.”
She thrust her chest forward proudly, displaying the small golden key she had suspended around her neck, which bore her name and allowed her into the Big Brother house. “I’m very fast, really competitive, and there’s nopony who’s gonna stand in my way,” Lightning Dust grinned. “I’ll form alliances if I have to, but trust me – they’re not gonna last.”
In a small, bedazzled boutique was a beautiful white unicorn, her dark purple mane curled and coiffed to perfection. “My name is Rarity, and I own and operate Carousel Boutique, where I create custom dresses.” She gave the camera a blinding smile. “Ponies may write me off as a silly filly obsessed with fashion, but trust me –“ there was a hint of steel in her smile now, “- that would be the absolute worst mistake they could ever make.”
“I’m Octavia,” said a gray earth pony with a dark mane, adjusting her pink bowtie self-consciously. “I am a musician, and I play the cello for the Canterlot Royal Orchestra.” Unsmiling, she looked away. “I believe I can win Big Brother because I am a Big Brother super-fan, and I have formed several dozen strategies to get me to the Final Four and beyond.”
When she raised her dark violet eyes once more, there was no malice, just simple fact. “Some alliances have brawn, others have brain. I am most certainly the brain.”
“She’ll win,” Luna said around a mouthful of popcorn.
“Shh!” Celestia hissed.
A dark cerise pony with a pale pink mane gave a dimpled smile easily. “Hello there! My name is Cheerliee, and I am a teacher for young foals. I’m a Ponyville mare born and bred. I’ve been watching Big Brother for years now, and I really hope I win! I’m here to have fun, and have a good time. But above all, I’d like to win that million bits!” She said cheerfully.
The screen exploded with fireworks, and a pale cyan unicorn stood atop a wooden cart, her starry cape flared around her. “I am the Great and Powerful Trixie!” she said, trilling her R’s. “And this year, the winner of Big Brother shall be me! Those million bits shall reside in my pockets, and no other’s!” She gritted her teeth into some semblance of a smile. “I tour all of Equestria with my breathtaking acts of magic!” she proclaimed. In a lower tone, she added, “Although, when I win Big Brother, the Great and Powerful Trixie is out of here like a shot.”
“Conceited much?” Celestia murmured.
“Thou must be quiet, my sister!” Luna cried, reaching for popcorn and finding none. Looking up disgruntled, she discovered her older sister’s face was smeared with butter.
Camera shutters clicked and flashbulbs popped everywhere; a tall, gorgeous pony strutted slowly down the catwalk. The camera lingered on her shapely flank deliberately. Tossing a curl of her pale pink mane out of her eyes, she said in a low, husky voice, “I am Fleur de Lis, and I am a model for the Moon and Stars modeling agency. Of course I’m going to win Big Brother this year – that prize money will take me on a few good shopping sprees.”
She sat down and nudged at the key around her neck. “My strategy is to sit back and let the colts fight- er, fawn over me, and then once they all eliminate themselves, I’ll step in.” She smiled narrowly. “If you haven’t noticed, I am quite beautiful, and many people are intimidated by that. This will fit into my plan perfectly, of course.”
“Well how-dee ya’ll!” A handsome young stallion wearing a hoof-stitched vest bucked an apple tree with great enthusiasm. Everything he did exuded enthusiasm, from his tousled golden mane to his bright green eyes. “The name’s Braeburn, Braeburn Apple, and I’m plannin’ on winnin’ this year’s competition for all of my friends n’ family back in Aaaa-paloosa! I’m definitely the kind of pony who can make anypony be my friend, and I’ll definitely use that t’ my advantage in the competition!”
“He’ll get voted out quickly,” Celestia said, mostly to herself.
“Must he abuse exclamation points so wantonly?” Luna muttered, licking the bowl of popcorn.
“Hi,” said a purple unicorn sitting next of a stack of books. “My name’s Twilight Sparkle.”
Celestia and Luna both choked and had to pound each other on the back.
“I’m Princess Celestia’s student and the manager of the library of Ponyville. I haven’t, um, actually watched Big Brother before, but I’ve studied up on all kinds of pony psychology and I’ve read all of the transcripts of the seasons, so...yeah!” Twilight grinned, blushing fiercely.
“How in your name did Twilight get onto a reality show?” Luna cried.
“Why in my name didn’t Twily tell me?” Celestia pouted.
“Spitfire’s the name, and flying is my game,” The bright orange mare said, tossing back her carelessly tousled hair. “I’ve been doing aerial stunts for movies and television shows for years, and I’ve definitely got a great sense of competition. Definitely an alpha-mare, no question.” She smirked. “My plan is to take charge and make sure that everything goes according to plan. Aggressive is my middle name.” Her powerful wings flared. “Look out, Big Brother; you’ve got a Final Four competitor coming through!”
“Oh, my goodness!” burbled a plump, flustered blue pony with a fluffy pink mane piled on top of her head. “Er, the name’s Cake – Mrs. Sugar Cake. I’m a wife and mother of two, but I run a bakery with my husband. I’m hoping to go in an’ have some fun, and that million bits could certainly help along the bakery, don’tcha know!” She giggled and flushed. “Well, I’m not really planning on any strategies, just hoping to get in an alliance and make it as far as I can.”
“She is going to be eaten alive,” Luna reported dolefully.
“How could Twily be on a reality show?” Celestia crossed her front legs and stuck her lower lip out. “We tell each other everything!”
“I certainly hope thou does not tell her everything...” Luna grumbled.
“Oh, um, hi there!” a gray pegasus pony leaned down from a lopsided cloud. Her golden eyes were crossed and her mouth seemed a little scrunched. “My name’s Derpy Hooves! And I wanna win Big Brother! Woo-hoo!” she cheered and almost fell off the cloud, but held on just in time. “Ponies think, um, ‘cos of my eyes that I’m really dumb or something, but that isn’t true. I’m just, um, a little clumsy? But I really wanna win! So people will know I’m not dumb!” She beamed innocently. “I don’t know what I’d do with the prize money...Oh! I’d give it away to all of my friends, all of the ponies here in Cloudsdale and stuff. Yeah!”
“Uh, my name’s Big Macintosh,” said a huge red workhorse, a plow settled comfortably around his thick neck. “I’m a worker at Sweet Apple Acres, and I wanna win Big Brother. Eeyup.”
“Is that it?” Luna demanded.
Apparently so – the camera cut to a nightclub full of flashing strobe lights, where a pale yellow pony with a jaggedly cut blue mane scratched her hoof against some records. “Aw yeah, baby! I’m Vinyl Scratch, and I’m a disc jockey in Canterlot. I’ve been watching Big Brother for years, and I’m totally gonna win! Everypony likes me, and if they don’t, that’s too bad. I don’t take any lip from anyone, an if they wanna get on my bad side, that’s a baaad idea.”
“I’m Thunderlane,” said a black pegasus with a short, brutally cut silver mane, “and I’m from Season Six of Big Brother. I lost my chance then, but I’m back in the game and ready to play again! This time, no more showmances.” He winked. “Maybe.”
“Ooh, Thunderlane’s back,” Celestia said, snapping out of her pout. "I wanted him to win in season six!” She paused. “Maybe he can hook up with Twily!”
Luna glanced warily at her sister.
Another pegasus, this one with a gigantic mound of teased and spiked two-toned hair, was lounging on a cloud. “I’m Cloud Chaser,” she drawled with a thick Manehattan accent. “Totally gonna win this year’s comp. I’m a real no nonsense kinda gal, and nopony messes with me. I’m gonna get myself an alliance and take the lead real early, ‘cos otherwise I’ll get bored real quick.” She stuck her tongue out cheekily, revealing a tongue stud.
“My name’s Joe,” said a burly, scruffy beige pony with round, trusting eyes. “I run a donut shop down in Canterlot, and I’d really like that million bits to expand and renovate. That’d be cool. My plan for the game is to probably make an alliance, kinda follow some people and not draw too much attention to myself.”
The camera faded to black, and then the spotlight zeroed in on the Flim and Flam brothers, taking center stage once more. “There you have it – you’ve met all of our Houseguests. This year’s Big Brother will be one to remember. We’ll show the Houseguests the Big Brother house right after this.”
During the commercials, Luna made more popcorn and settled it nearer to her side of the bed this time.
________________________________________
The Houseguests stood nervously on the stage as the Flim and Flam brothers opened an envelope to see who would enter the Big Brother house first. “Now we’re back, to Season Ten of Big Brother!” Flam said said excitedly and once more hoofstomping rang throughout the small studio audience. “Now, the Houseguests have all arrived, and we are about to discover who will enter the Big Brother house first.”
Delicately, his brother opened the envelope with her teeth. “Lightning Dust, Cheerilee, Fleur, and Trixie, you may enter the house!”
The four ponies bolted towards the door, with Fleur taking a more leisurely pace as she gathered her six pieces of custom luggage. Trixie toted a battered, patched suitcase behind her and was obviously trying to hide it. Lightning Dust pushed her way to the front and opened the door, squealing the moment she set foot inside. The furniture was plush, and angled perfectly to catch the eye. The ceilings were high, the floors hard wood and polished to a high sheen, and in every corner there were tiny, magically powered cameras.
“C’mon, let’s find the bedrooms!” Lightning Dust called out, and the four mares scattered, looking in every corner to find the bedrooms they could claim. Cheerilee discovered that the large house only had one bathroom, and Lightning Dust was overjoyed to discover a cloud pool installed in the backyard. Fleur was the first to find the bedrooms, and instead of calling the others, began spreading out her extensive amounts of makeup over one bedside table, and levitated her luggage onto one of the beds.
“Over here!” Trixie commanded imperiously, shouting to the other two. She stepped inside and was greeted with Fleur’s tail in her face.
“Oh, goodness me, I do apologize,” Fleur purred.
“The Great and Powerful Trixie accepts your apology and requests that you move,” Trixie sniffed.
As the four of them sorted their belongings out into one of the four bedrooms, another batch of Houseguests were released inside. This time, Spitfire led the way while Octavia, Derpy, and Braeburn followed. “I’m so gosh-darned excited to be here!” Braeburn whinnied.
Octavia decided right away that she despised Braeburn. “Quite. Oughtn’t we to look for the bedrooms?”
“Hay yeah!” Spitfire whooped, and the four of them spread out. Octavia was the first one to find the bedrooms and whistled piercingly to the others, grudgingly permitting Braeburn to settle his dusty suitcases on the bed.
“This place is awesome!” Derpy said, bumping into the doorframe. “Oops.”
“That’s all right,” Spitfire said, her deep voice rough and friendly. Right away she knew that Derpy was a gullible little idiot, and could be manipulated like putty. “Here, lemme help you with that. I’m Spitfire.”
“Derpy!” the other pegasus reported cheerfully.
Rarity followed Cloud Chaser inside, and was tailed by the two oldest ponies there, Big Macintosh and Mrs. Cake. “Oh, does anypony know where the restrooms are?” Mrs. Cake said, her brows knitting together. “I’ve had to go since the Hosts first called my name!”
“Oh, darling, we’ll scout around for one,” Rarity said helpfully. “Excuse me! Yoo hoo!” Rarity got Big Macintosh’s attention. “All right, Mr. Muscles, do you want to look around and find some bedrooms for us? I’ll help, er, what was your name again? Mrs. Cake? Oh, how quaint. I’ll help you find a bathroom.”
Cloud Chaser, snapping her gum and feeling like a bit of a fifth wheel, followed Big Macintosh. She glanced over her shoulder and saw the remaining four ponies entering: Joe, Vinyl Scratch, Twilight, and Thunderlane.
Braeburn and Big Mac bumped into each other in the hallway and shared a nervous look.
In the diary room later that night, Braeburn was quite chatty. “Well, I’m actually cousins with Big Mac! He’s a good ol’ friend of mine and I’m hoping to bring him in whatever alliance I make! I don’t talk to him much though, but I think we’ll be a pretty good team! I’m gonna keep it under my hat for a while, so we don’t paint any big ol’ targets on our back for bein’ a power duo or somethin’!”
Twilight trotted into one of the other bedrooms by accident. “Oh, hello!” She said, biting her lower lip. “Sorry, I must’ve got the wrong room.”
“Quite all right,” Fleur said with a sweet smile. “I believe you’re across the hall.”
Fleur watched Twilight go – a brainy little pony like that would certainly come in handy. And she was bunking with one of the most attractive ponies in the whole house. Not to mention Thunderlane was the only one with any actual experience in the house.
Yes, she’d come in very handy indeed.
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It took several hours for the houseguests to settle down and introduce themselves. Already Spitfire and Lightning Dust were sizing each other up, and Cloud Chaser wasted no time in fighting for Thunderlane’s attention with Fleur. Derpy and Mrs. Cake hit it off right away, both of them happily discovering another mother in the house. Braeburn was a loud, walking talking ball of energy, so it was no surprise that he was the one who gathered everypony into the other room for the Host’s briefing.
“Welcome, houseguests,” Flim and Flam said simultaneously. Once they were all assembled in front of the tinted glass wall which separated them from the outside world. They couldn’t see, but they could be seen.
Flam continued, “I trust you’ve all had time to settle in. In just a few minutes, you’ll all be competing for the coveted Head of Household position, which will give you your own special bedroom for one week, and give you the ability to nominate ponies to go home. You are also safe from eviction. Remember to keep Big Brother’s motto in mind – you’re never alone.”
He let that sink in. Cloud Chaser’s eyes shot to the ground.
“Now, please go outside into the backyard, and the Head of Household competition will begin.”
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Luna picked up the empty bowl of popcorn and left the room silently, turning off the lights as she did so. Celestia was fast asleep in her little sister’s bed, butter coated cheeks buried amid the fluffy pillows. Of course, the two sisters would tune in again when the show came on next week. It was their ritual.
And of course, this season was all the more interesting with Twilight Sparkle being one of the competitors.