//------------------------------// // Vaah: Ego ~ Thyself // Story: The Chronicle of Tau Niem: Out of Place // by Jack-Pony //------------------------------// My world spun in a dizzying haze. Why would they turn on me? Their faces grimaced, frowned and smirked at me. Their voices blended into a cacophony of noise and color, as the walls melted around me. Her eyes, those violet pools stared at me, denouncing my very being. It was perhaps the second worst pain I had ever felt, across all my lives… It was worse than the burn of gangrene in the eye, from the arrow that blinded me shortly before my death in Britannia… Worse than the icy, hot, searing agony of a bronze spear to the Calf, that had rendered me lame in Ancient Greece…Worse even than being disemboweled and left to die in a ditch, while freezing to death in Siberia. It was like a sharp iron spike being driven into the base of my neck and electricity being sent through my entire body. My brain screamed in agony, as every single process simply ground to an abrupt halt and the world went dark… The fates, are oft fickle, however; and as I was coming to realize, had for whatever reason, taken a particular liking to me. Was it malice? Had I earned such treatment in a past life?...or perhaps in this one? Even more disturbing was the thought that perhaps there was no malice at all, but rather, some higher power beyond my comprehending simply liked to see me squirm and writhe, not unlike a twisted child with a magnifying glass? Either way the dice fell, my fates had been cast the moment I was born and there was not a damned thing I could do about it…or so I was told. Imagine that? Being a child and receiving scorn from your peers and mistrust from your elders simply because of your name? “The One Who Wanders” A memory from years and lives past resurfaced, all my anger and loathing still fresh… ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ “Why did you give me this name!?” I screamed at the elder matron, my knuckles white from the abuse, “Why do you hate me so!?” “I am sorry child, such is your fate. Even one so wise as myself cannot change one’s fate.” The aged woman sighed, her long grey bangs flowing over her eyes, further hiding her face under her long, undyed cloth hood. “I wish you’d never given me this be damned name!” I bit into my thumb with my canine tooth, drawing my own blood. With a violent jerk of my hand, I cast a few lone drops of blood at the old woman… “I curse you! May you feel the pain I do, but once before your old bones meet the pyre!” With tears in my eyes, I turned and fled. I ran across rough hills and through acres of Kelovo Trees, I ran until my lungs burned and I could run no further. Collapsing, my spent legs dropped me unceremoniously to the ground, somewhere not entirely known to me, beneath a full-grown Kelovo Tree. Rolling over, I found myself staring up at the sky through its sprawling boughs and passively regarding the steadily ripening fruit. Time ceased to have any real meaning, as seconds became minutes and minutes, hours… “Such is a sad story, if I have ever heard one.” A unknown voice suddenly spoke, breaking the silence. No one came to find me, not for hours more…of that, I was sure. This voice was not of my memory, nor had I ever heard it before, that too I was sure of. Turning my head, not more than a dozen paces from me sat a small, odd-looking creature. It looked so horribly fake, like a failed Muppet-creature that it had to be real. It had granite-blue colored skin and though it sat, or perhaps because of the fact, it appeared to be little more than a large mass of rough flesh, with a texture not unlike that of a toad. The two antenna sat atop its head, a seemingly vestigial feature, seeing as they were shorter than my pinkie finger. Then, its eyes blinked, closed and then open again. That was when every hair on my body stood on end at once. I could not believe my eyes. In the middle of my memory, sat a Theologian upon a small metal patch, in the middle of an orchard of my youth… “It’s not real you know?” Its bulbous head shifted upon a neck almost nonexistent, its wide, thin mouth unmoving, “This is all within your mind.” I sat up gingerly, matching his position as best I could, something akin to sitting cross-legged. Without prompting, I crossed both arms across my chest and bowed my head in reverence. “Heurda Katoii.” I spoke their ancient name, of course adding the reverence of their position within Danårian society. The creature raised a four-fingered hand that more closely resembled a chameleon’s, than our own. “Da-Nar-Enne.” He addressed me with his people’s term for ours. “By this name I honor; Tau Niem of the Ne Ni Nei Clan, hailing from Kelovo, widower of Karai Negai.” I revealed upon him, as graciously as I could – the Theologian are the most beloved of all the ancients. “We know of you Tau Niem.” He spoke cryptically, “Since I know your kind has a love of names, you may call me Kaj Heum, in your tongue.” “Sword of Fate?” I inquired curiously, with a tilt of my head to the side. “There’s something lost in translation, but it’s as close as I can get, given the circumstances.” He admitted, with a sudden jerk of his head a fraction of a turn to the left. “So…why am I here?” I wondered aloud, absently looking at my surroundings, feeling the calm breeze blowing across my skin. “You’re dead.” He remarked without emotion. “Beg your pardon?” I exclaimed, turning my eyes toward him. “What? You asked a question, I gave an answer.” He replied as if it were the time of the day. “Uh, this doesn’t feel like dead.” I deadpanned. “Have you ever been dead before?” His brow rose, curiously emulating my own body language. “I-” I began only to be interrupted. “We are aware of your actions and your provocation.” He retorted, putting an end to that argument before it began…I paused to think and he used that opening to continue, “Lucky you, your story is not yet complete.” I immediately perked up. “So-” I began, only for him to cut me off once more. “Yes, this is within your own mind.” He confirmed with a nod. “That means-” And a third time. “Yes, I am visiting within your mind. I hope this does not cause you distress?” He asked, seemingly concerned at my visible change in attitude. “No more than the constant interruptions.” I deadpanned. “Ah, well then, that is good.” He remarked with a loud click of his tongue within his proportionally large mouth. I regarded the act skeptically for a moment, before writing it off and looking back up at the foliage. After all, getting into an argument with a Heurda did not seem like the wisest of ideas…though I did find it odd that a telepathic being strong enough to read my mind, could not simply sense my feelings. Then again, I was dead, so who knows if it’s even telepathy? When I turned my head back down from the leaves, to his person, the fields were gone and I found myself in a poorly lit room with a metal floor. Only a cylinder of light illuminated that particular portion of the room where I could see. The light from the ceiling seemed to come from nowhere, quite a feat considering how well we could hide light sources and yet they were still visible. Under the two of us was a flat, grey, metal floor of unidentifiable origins, but otherwise unremarkable in itself. The air was cool and had a light amount of moisture in it, making it rather pleasant, if not a bit cool upon my skin. There were quiet, unrecognizable sounds coming from just beyond, however, I could not see what they came from. “Well, this is interesting…” I remarked in passing awe. “Your mind wandered from your memory to your imagination, in a desire to comprehend what your mind’s eye is seeing.” He explained in a calm manner, as if such a fact were too obvious. “Is this what your home-ship looks like?” I asked curiously. “No, however, that is neither here nor there…” he said, “There is a reason you are here.” “What do you mean here? In Equestria, if I am even still there…or here before you?” I asked, because as I had learned, being specific seemed to be important to them. “Yes.” His simple response caused me to roll my eyes. “First you chastise me for being unspecific, now you reward me by being vague?” I shook my head in exasperation. “No, I answered your questions all at once.” – he cocked his head to one side – “…or is it that you would rather me respond the same thrice?” I sighed. “No, in hindsight, once will be sufficient.” He gave another of his peculiar tongue-clicks. “I thought as much.” He inhaled deeply through his stubby nose for the first time I can remember, “There is value to being succinct, no?” “There is.” I nodded piously, before continuing, “I assume there is a reason for you appearing to me? I am unaware of your kind usually doing so…” “We appear when and where necessary.” Now he was back to being cryptic again. “Alright, so will you tell me why?” I asked him directly. He raised his eyes in thought for a moment, before returning them upon me. “I suppose I will?” “You suppose?” I recoiled incredulously, “What supposing is there to be done?” “I cannot answer all your questions directly.” He explained, “You see, the universe is like a giant game of light and shadow. Yin and yang, from the polarization of energy to the largest of intergalactic forces that hold all of space-time and even the void together. Even we are not an exemption from that rule.” “What are you trying to say, exactly?” I posed to him. “You are both battleground and warrior, little one.” I took a deep breath. His sagely mysticism was really getting annoying, but at the same time, this seemed like my best chance at answers…so I was willing to put up with it, if they really were at the other end. What he told me, I already knew. Philosophy told me that the entire universe was in balance and that included what was within us. We at our core are neither good, nor evil…we are what we make of ourselves. In the absence of light, darkness will prevail, but an ocean of darkness cannot extinguish the light of a single candle. Was that his point? If it was, it was a rather shallow lesson. Looking up to him, I wondered, just how deep were his thoughts? “Just where is my battlefield, if I am a warrior? And whom do I fight?” “Your battlefield is everywhere,” he said, causing me to sigh, before continuing, “Your existence in itself is a fight…your foes are who you make them.” “I feel as though everyone is my foe, that even existence is against me.” I revealed somberly. There was a short silence, but in the quiet of the room, it sounded like it stretched on for an eternity. “Perhaps they are?” His statement caused me to raise my head, “Am I?” “I’ve yet to decide.” I honestly admitted with a shrug. “I suppose that is wise for one yet to choose a side…” He hummed to himself. “What do you mean, ‘choose a side’?” “The universe is in balance, that means that only half is against you. The other is your camp.” I looked inward toward my own thoughts. “Which side is her soul upon?” “I think you know the answer to that question.” “I need to know. If I am at war with myself, then the only one I can trust is her.” I responded steely, because if I hadn’t, my tears would’ve let loose, “She is the wind in my sails. If I am to fight, then I must know!” Suddenly into the light strode a cream-robed individual, the dark blue outlines of her clothing’s trim complimented her green eyes and her fire-red hair. Her fair skin glowed under the light from above. With all the speed of spring-steel, I leapt to my feet. However, as my eyes regarded my love smiling at me, it was dead. There was no feeling from this visage. No connection. My breath emptied my lungs and my jaw hung open in silent indignation. No words could place my feeling of betrayal. This was not my Karai! I finally snapped my head toward the shorter creature, emptying all my hate at him through my eyes… “What is the meaning of this!?” I screamed accusingly in rage. “Do not ask me, you are the one who summoned her visage…” I returned my eyes to the phantom that stood opposite of me, and oh how it hurt…those eyes stared back at me with all the love that I remembered, but they were not really hers. No, what returned my gaze was nothing more than a specter of my own imagination and memories. “Tau?” Her sweet voice made my mind reel in rebellion, Kaj Heum was right, I was a battlefield… “Tau, do you remember our poem?” The floodgates broke open and my eyes watered as I shook my head, before nodding fiercely, “Do you remember how it goes?” I nodded once more, “Then recite it with me…” “No,” I shook my head in defiance, my resolve miniscule, “you’re not real.” “In the void between thought and space, who says what resides between?” The phantom took a step toward me and I in turn took a step back toward the darkness. She hesitated in shocked surprise, “Were you not the one who said, our wills make it so? That if you believe, then it is?” “I-I…” My own words had me escaped me and now those spoken in the past ensnared me. Before me, stood a phantom that was Karai…my expired love. A love that had been torn from me ages before, only to remain shackled to my heart like so much lead weight. A weight that I willingly chose to accept, but was unable to practically bear. What now separated me from her, I wondered staring at her through tear filled eyes? What kept me from walking the short distance between the two of us taking her in my arms? What kept me from seizing my heart’s desire and greedily clutching it to my chest for fear of it flying away from me…? “And in the fall of my life I shall look up to you, the wind caressing our faces…” I gasped in disbelief and for a moment my mind froze, but my tongue did not… “And I down at you, a smile on my face for all our many years of bliss…” “And I shall ask of you, ‘am I still precious to thee?’” “’More precious than the breath that fills my lungs…’ I would reply.” The poem over, she stated sweetly, “I wait for you.” “Why? Why would you wait for me?” I stammered out incredulously. “Because it’s you.” She shook her head dismissively, her smile gently chastising me, “If you are going to wander the long road of time for me, then the least I can do is wait for you at the other end.” It was at that point, for the first time in my life that I knew what my name meant. What it truly meant…and for the first time, I did not look upon it with distaste, or shame. Others might, others did, but never again would I. At that moment, I realized I wasn’t wandering away from my home, my clan, or my federation. No, I was wondering toward my love. My Karai. The one who waited for me, at the end of a long and winding road. I felt a great weight lifted from my shoulders and I sighed in contentment, as a fire filled my core and a smile lit up my face. For the first time in a long while I was happy – not merely content, but happy. “I am done fighting myself.” I proclaimed, my tears banished. Kaj Heum looked up at me curious to hear what I had to say… “I know where I stand, the very same ground I have stood all these years. I simply lost sight of my fight.” “That is good.” He nodded sagely. “I just have one question left to ask…” “Yes?” “Whom is it that stands against me?” He looked to me with a happy smile upon his broad lips. “That is the right question.” He nodded once more, “Your enemy is the eldest you know…” ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ I suddenly lurched forward, my chest heavy and my head hurting, as if it had been in a vice. Every sinus seemed to want to burst forth from my skull. I felt ill in the stomach and every nerve in my body moaned in a dull ache, almost as if I had run too far and now my body was punishing me for it. Even my eyes seemed dry and sore, as if my eyelids had been coated with sandpaper whilst I was asleep. Indeed, even as I sat in bed panting, I felt like a truck had hit me. Not a fun memory… “Asto!” That voice was the first sound that greeted my ears and to be honest, it made my head pound, “Are you alright?” My mind stumbled for several long moments as she hugged me tightly in her forelegs… Why would I not be alright? Wait…why am I in bed? Wait…this isn’t my bed. I don’t have a bed on Equis… I looked up past her shoulder. I was in a strange, vaguely round room that was not familiar. Clearly not her bedroom, nor those of any of her friends that I knew of – how I knew what their bedrooms looked like, some of it was coming back to me as memories of my past life, the rest… Yeah, I’m not entirely sure myself… “Twily?” I asked, a part of me unsure if that really were the purple mare’s name. “What’s the matter?” She asked me, pulling back slightly to look me in the eyes. I looked around for a quick moment. “Where am I and how did I get here?” I asked still feeling rather spacey. “This is my old room in Canterlot Castle, I brought you here after Luna knocked you out.” She suddenly became sheepish as I turned to her, “…you sort of went a little crazy on us.” “Crazy like, I am going to take Pinkie into my basement for tests, crazy…or my letter to Celestia is going to be late, so I am going to enchant my doll, crazy?” “Hey!” She exclaimed indignantly, releasing me and drawing slightly back, only to look away embarrassedly. “I’m sorry, apparently my sense of humor comes back a little faster than my common sense.” I chuckled, drawing her back in for a hug, “I didn’t mean anything of it, honest.” “I’m sorry too.” She reciprocated, and the heaviness in my chest seemed to increase slightly, “I was just so worried there, I woke up because it was so quiet and you weren’t breathing and…and…” “Wait!” I exclaimed, pushing her back to look her in the eyes, “I wasn’t breathing?” She shook her head in response, to which I could only blink rapidly, “Shit…” “Seriously…?” She recoiled with a grimace. “What? It’s better than me saying ‘fuck’!” I countered. “Really, you’re strange…” She noted. “What, shit, no? Fuck, fine?” I asked her in surprise. “I’d rather smell of sex than excrement…” She looked at me skeptically, only to receive a flat gaze from me, “What? Wouldn’t you?” “Yeah…” I nodded chuckling, “I suppose you got me there!” I chuckled even harder for a moment, “So does that mean ‘fuck’ isn’t a swear in Equestrian and I can say it all I want?” “No, it’s still generally considered to be a less than proper subject to discuss in public.” “Damn…” I muttered, then looked back up at her, “How ‘bout damn?” “I find this sudden fascination with curse-words to be highly unusual.” She looked at me curiously, “Are you sure you’re alright?” “No, actually, I’m not. All in all, I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck!” “A what?” Her brow rose in curiosity. “A large land-vehicle used by humans to get from place to place, while simultaneously moving goods.” I stated plainly, forgetting that part of my memories she had not received. “Oh, like a cart?” “Kind of, except it pulls itself along with a special internal-combustion engine and it’s made of metal and weighs a lot more. Also, they kind of move rather fast…” I bobbed my head up and down with a grin. “But wait, force equals mass times acceleration…” “Yes, being hit by one would leave you in a considerable amount of pain, if not dead!” I then dwelled on that thought a moment; he had said I died…? At the same time, Twilight thought about what these ‘trucks’ might look like and if you could see what was going through her head…well, you wouldn’t be able to finish reading this line, let me tell you. You’d be laughing that hard! Indeed, she was so preoccupied thinking about what sort of machine these ‘trucks’ might be, that she almost forgot about me sitting on the bed right in front of her. “Oh, goodness!” She exclaimed bringing me out of my own ponderings, “The doctor’s on the way, is there anything I can do until he gets here!?” I grimaced in pain as she suddenly shifted, her hooves pressing into my thighs. “Your hooves…” I groaned through clenched teeth. Her eyes trailed down to see her forelimbs digging themselves deeply into my meaty thigh muscles, rather painfully, might I add! She quickly leapt up just enough to plant her hooves into the bed on either side of my legs, granting me the burning sensation of relief. My arm instinctively draped over her neck as she leaned her head upon my shoulder in apology. There was something about the smoothness of her mane against my cheek and her smell, mixing with that of her lavender shampoo, filling my nostrils that was more soothing than I had imagined, or had yet experienced. Yet, ironically enough, despite that, my chest began to hurt once more, as did my right shoulder, where her head lay. However, I was decently sure it had nothing to do with the meager weight she was placing upon me… “What happened last night?” She finally asked me, stirring me from my relaxation, with her still in my arms. I inhaled deeply. “Have you ever had something so profound happen that you just couldn’t deal with it?” I asked her, quietly speaking into her mane. She stopped a moment to think, giving me a moment to pause as well and wonder which of her encounters with the unknown she might pick? “The first I tried to understand the Pinkie Sense.” She admitted and I could only imagine her blushing behind my back, “I tried everything I could to understand it…” “…and you drove yourself to combustion.” I remarked. She drew back from me and I once again started feeling lighter. It was the oddest thing… She examined my eyes for a moment, before nodding. “Yes,” she said frankly, before taking on a curious look, “This seer of yours really saw everything?” “I would assume not everything,” I remarked dismissively, “but enough to lighten the shock of talking, pastel-colored, miniature equines.” “Surely we can’t be that unusual, considering all the years you spent exploring space?” She asked critically. “Considering sapient sponges, hive-minded insects and discovering that our species had accidentally colonized a planet with Hunan…” I acknowledged, slowly lying back into the large pillows behind my head – it was nice to actually have a human-proportioned bed for once. Wait, did I actually refer to myself as a human? Wow, I had been in exile too long! “I’ve been meaning to ask you about that?” Twilight began, “Just how did that happen? From what I’ve managed to piece together, which is very little, Hunan aren’t generally allowed to overpopulate planets…right?” “No, they’re not.” I shook my head, wondering how much to tell her? Considering the fact that I had resigned myself to not needing the Federation and basically being a Hunan myself, I figured; ‘What the hell, why not tell her?’… “Are you aware of the fall of Danåria, just before the end of the First Federation?” She nodded, only to add; “However, I can’t say I understand the details.” “Well, the homeworld was largely considered too heavily fortified to be assailed. The Danårians of the First Federation believed that their military was still too strong to make an assault on Danåria possible. It was thought that there were too many military bases and ships in the fleet defending the system…” I closed my eyes and sighed, “They were wrong. So wrong… “In the year <3,982,881> of the First Federate Period, the Jakial finally made their move. A full-scale assault against the system. It was chaos, panic, anarchy…hell. The Danårian Space Forces fought valiantly, however, they soon realized that their position was untenable. Thus, they began commandeering civilian and alien vessels in a desperate bid to evacuate the planet. It ultimately worked, and billions of lives were saved, but at the cost of millions of years of history and civilization. It was during this evacuation, when the Esterion was commandeered. She was an old exploration ship, repurposed for the transport of prisoners and other exiles. However, in the mad-dash to leave, the commandeers neglected to check the ship’s cargo and crew manifest. Thus, when they were inevitably hit by enemy fire and slung into a wormhole that spat them out in the Sol System, critically damaged and without a means to repair, they had little choice but to crash-land on planet. It was then that they realized what they had gotten themselves into. “For a time, the two factions lived at arm’s length. The Hunan living in rustic shanties and hovels not fit for civilized peoples, while the small Danårian population plotted themselves down in three settlements around the globe. Set’a-philo’atis, in the deserts outside the Nile Valley; Kal’no Kush, in the mountainous region of the Himalayas; and Attl’ante’a, a large island in the Western Ocean. Set’a-philo’atis, was the first to fall, when the Hunan sought to overthrow their…the ‘purebloods’. The city of Kal’no Kush, were mostly monks, the few that sought a way off of Danåria, during the fall…they quickly went into hiding thereafter. As for the glorious city of Attl’ante’a? They blew themselves sky high when a containment seal breach occurred and antimatter met atmosphere. Stupid fools, blew their entire continent off the map, trying to make enough fuel to fabricate a subspace drive…” “Surely, there must be some remnants left somewhere?” “Oh, I’m sure there are…but who would want to admit that?” “There must be intellectuals that seek the truth? Those who would tell the tale?” “I’m sure there were? Are? Who knows?” I shrugged, “All I know is…” “All you know is, what?” She prompted me. “All I know is the end to the tale is a sad one.” I closed my eyes remembering the planet as it was when we found it; barren as Mercury. Then again, there was still life on Mars…but was about as far from Human, as apes are… “A wise man once said, ‘if you follow your hero long enough you will stumble over his corpse.’” Twilight looked horrified and I couldn’t blame her. As my mind tried to rationalize what had come to pass, all I could feel was abject horror! “What caused it?” She looked me deeply in the eyes, begging for an answer. “I…I don’t know.” I shook my head, “That’s what I was there trying to determine, before I was dragged here.” I looked up at the ceiling above me, “What I can tell you is that whatever, or whomever, had done it, were amazingly wrathful or amazingly foolish. Perhaps both?” “So you don’t know what caused it?” She looked at me for the first time in a long while with surprise. “Amazing, I know. Something I don’t know!” I chuckled in irony…for all the knowledge I had gained in my journeys, the most valuable I had acquired was that I was so very small… “If I claim to be a wise man, well it surely means that I don’t know.” Twilight let loose an exasperated groan, “Now, now there. If we knew everything, what would there be left to learn? You’d never need books again, now imagine that!” I teased her with a coy smile, only to earn a hoof to the ribs. “Not. Funny.” She growled critically. “Indeed not…” I groaned as she continued to drill me with her hoof, “You can stop anytime, you know…?” “You gonna slander books some more?” She drilled me with her hoof once more. “…Never think of it…” I chuckled. “Good,” she said with a nod. “You do remember that knowledge, ergo books…are practically sacred to us Danarii, right?” I asked, cradling my now very tender ribs. “Never can be too sure.” She reiterated. “My little bibliophile.” I giggled cheekily. Which is how Heart Work – Celestia and Luna’s personal physician – found the two of us. Giggling happily, if not weakly upon my part. The look of startled relief upon his face was palpable. Clearly, the thought of dealing with a dead anything, let alone an alien was not very appealing to him. No doubt, he would’ve been flummoxed as how to revive me… The sound of him clearing his throat drew our attention. “Am I interrupting?” He asked with a raised brow. “Not at all.” I replied, before looking into Twilight’s eyes, “Who is it?” “Dr Heart Work.” She replied plainly. “I’m Celestia and Luna’s personal physician.” He revealed. “I’m aware,” I closed my eyes with a smile, before trying to prop myself up in bed, “I do make it a habit of knowing whom would likely be working on me were I to be injured.” He had promptly crossed the distance between the door and hopped up onto the bed, which I was at the moment glad was a King sized and thus more than large enough to hold two ponies and a Danårian. His hoof was promptly pressed against my chest, eliciting a curious and slightly displeased glance up at him. “I’m glad my reputation precedes me, but I need you to hold still.” He turned his head toward his bag, levitating out a stethoscope, “Is your file correct that you’re somewhat skittish about being unclothed? Would you prefer if the Princess was not present?” “Twilight Sparkle?” I asked, still not used to the fact that she was now a princess, “No, I much prefer her presence actually.” “Alright, if it makes you more comfortable.” He pointed a hoof to the other side of the bed, “If you please, Ms. Twilight?” She nodded and deftly hopped over my covered form. “I think that some pornography starts this way…” I suggested with a playful grin. Dr Heart Work actually recoiled in surprise, as if he had been struck and loosed something vaguely resembling an abrupt, choking-snort. Twilight’s eyes grew many sizes larger and her wings spread dramatically. “Tau Niem!” She blurted incredulously. “What, it’s true!” I chuckled, “Doctor, are you going to need your own arts? I’m afraid I’m not much use beyond First Aid…” He shook his head. “No, just surprised is all.” He turned his head back around, a slight blush coloring his cheeks. “Good, I didn’t want to have two ponies staring at my nude form critically,” I said to Heart Work, though I glanced out of the corner of my eye toward Twilight, “Lighten up you two, I’m not dead.” “You weren’t breathing.” Twilight deadpanned. I groaned dismissively. “Oxygen is overrated…” I scoffed, before putting on a thick southern accent, “When your body is under stress, it creates all the Oxygen it needs!” Heart Work looked at me critically and appeared ready to question me on that fact, before he caught Twilight glaring at me tersely. “Another joke, I take it?” He assumed. “Yes, his kind need oxygen as much as ponies do.” Twilight answered crossly. “Fine love, I can be serious too.” I put on my best grumpy face, all bunched up to resemble some sort of cross bastard. The voice I adopted matched perfectly… “I’m completely serious. Nothing is funny. In fact, it has been scientifically proven that humor is nonexistent.” At this, Twilight’s facade broke and she cracked up. I instantly reached up to muss with her mane, before rubbing tenderly behind her ear. My precious marefriend all but dissolved under my ministrations, leaning into the cup of my hand. “Well, um, yes…” Heart Work cleared his throat and Twilight bashfully pulled back from my affections. I looked somewhat bemusedly at the doctor, before he continued, apparently unaware of my frustration… “Well, since you appear to be alright now, I’ll just catch your vital signs-” “My Blood Pressure is ninety-eight over sixty-six, pulse is sixty even and my blood oxygenation is at ninety-eight percent…odd, it shouldn’t be that low.” I remarked, quite perplexed as to why it was off by two percent? So much so, that it took me several moments to realize that the two ponies were staring at me… “Huh? What?” “How’d you know that?” Heart Work asked, finally closing his gaping mouth. “Oh, right…” I nodded, realizing my minor err – so many years dealing with ship-board doctors had gotten me into certain habits that were apparently harder to shed than I thought, “Military self-diagnostic software. It’s a standard feature for soldiers of the Federation. Want to know my temperature?” He nodded, rather awestruck, “My average internal temperature at the moment is ninety-five point eight.” “Then can you tell me anything more? Perhaps why you weren’t breathing?” He asked me, a clipboard and pen now at hoof. I paused a moment to access the remainder of the features of the diagnostic software. I honestly doubted that it would reveal much, after all, it was meant mostly for doctors, not to be accessed by the soldier himself. However, with a little training, anyone with the military package could access them. I will admit being able to communicate with machines in your bloodstream was something that you never do get used to. Ever. What it told me, however, was more than a little distressing… After a few seconds of me staring blankly into space, Twilight called out to me, “Tau Niem?” Suddenly snapping to, I flashed her a smile, then looked to the doctor. “Nothing, unfortunately. I could tell you more if I had access to a holo-computer to analyze the readouts, but in this manner, no. I can give you nothing more…” I caught Twilight regarding me skeptically, and I simply flashed her a smile. There was no need to concern her with such a trivial matter. No need to make her anymore concerned for my well being than she already was. Even with our link, it wasn’t foolproof, it wasn’t like she could read my mind like an open book or anything. Thus, keeping secrets was entirely possible. Even still, something must’ve leaked through, because she wasn’t buying it. Heart Work continued to speak, but the two of us pushed his words to the background. Twilight’s eyes probed my own, seeking out what troubled me and my own staunchly refused to give her any hints. “Well then, I’ll be nearby for the remainder of the evening. Should anything change, I expect you to let me know immediately.” He stated, hopping off the bed and looking back to us. I quickly broke eye contact with Twilight to answer, “Of course.” I nodded reassuringly. “Alright then, get some rest…” Heart Work was cut off and nearly trampled by the five other Element Holders stampeding into the room all at once. “Tau Niem, are you alright?” Rainbow Dash asked, her eyes staring into my own with concern, while her hooves suddenly held me by the shoulders, all before I even knew what was going on. I cracked a grin. “I didn’t know you cared…” I cracked-wise, only to take a gentle hoof to the head. “Of course, any friend of Twilight’s a friend of mine!” She trumpeted proudly. Ignoring the gentle ache in the dome of my head, I reached a hand up to her foreleg, careful to avoid her hooves. “Yes, I’ll be fine.” I smiled gratefully, “Thank you, Rainbow Dash.” She immediately released me, “No need to get all mushy on me…” She complained. “No, of course not, we can’t let anypony know Equestria’s greatest flier has a soft spot, now can we…?” I responded teasingly. “Hey!” She lunged at me, only to be stopped, her tail securely in Applejack’s teeth. “Whoa-Nelly, girl,” AJ said, before releasing the pegasus’ tail, “calm down RD, he’s just pulling yer leg’s all…” “Are you sure you’re alright?” Fluttershy asked me determinedly, enough so that her arguing friends took notice and became silent, “You’re looking worse than that morning when Twilight had to talk you down from the edge of the bridge!” Several of the ponies looked on in shock, their eyes going from Fluttershy to myself. “Uh, I think you mean pulled me off the edge of the bridge?” I reminded, looking to Twilight with a playfully critical glance. “Hey, forgive me if I thought my coltfriend was going to jump!” Twilight barked out angrily, before she knew what she was saying. My brows rose in time with her blushing face, and I swear that the crickets floors below were audible for several moments as everyone held their breaths in shock. I finally sighed and sat up a little more in bed, before regarding the stunned ponies. “Well…” I murmured, but even my quietest voice promptly drew the attention of the five other ponies in the room. “Is that true…?” Rainbow Dash said as much to me, as anypony else in the room – I nodded in confirmation… “It can’t be, can it?” “Dash you don’t need to be the Element of Honesty to know those two are in love. Ah thought you already knew that? Ah mean, just look at ‘em!” AJ stated reproachfully, with a raised brow. I looked to Twilight and into those eyes, and sure enough, it was there plain as day, as I’m sure it was in my own. A cold place deep down in my chest seemed to fill with a heat I had not felt in a long time. It was a feeling I thought lost to me, a feeling so far beyond simple contentment that placing a word upon it would only slight the feeling. I held out my left hand to her, bidding her forward and without hesitation, she joined me. I looped my arm around her shoulder and she cradled my back with her wing. I smiled and so did she. There were no words. “Oh, Tau Niem, you’ve found it haven’t you?” Rarity gushed, drawing my attention, as well as everyone else’s, “You’ve found your special somepony. I’m so happy for you two!” There was something about it, the simple, honest acceptance did more to make me feel at peace, at home than I could’ve ever imagined. My smile widened just a bit further and I glanced over to my shoulder, where Twilight had lay her head. “I have.” I positively beamed. I felt like a million bucks. My shoulder hurt where Twilight’s head lay and my back burned where her wing caressed me. My arm felt like it was on fire and my head pounded from the proximity…but the pain was worth it. It was all worth it, to be loved. All the pain in the universe couldn’t fade this smile. Twilight continued speaking to her friends, explaining to them that we had been an item for a little more than a week now, though I had been gone for part of that time when I went to save Satos. “What about you Pinkie, you haven’t said a word?” Twilight’s sudden question snapped me out of my stupor, drinking in the light of her eyes. For a fraction of a second my brain pondered that. Pinkie, was being quiet? What was going on? Raising my eyes, I turned my head to regard the pink mare, as the four others at the side of my bed parted to regard her too. Her head rose, tears in her eyes and a sad expression across her face. I could not comprehend what I saw. Indeed, I had never seen Pinkie like this before. My smile faded and I went to open my mouth to ask her what was wrong when she spoke. “It won’t last…” She mumbled not in spite, but in sorrow. My calm shattered and my mouth fell open as everypony in the room gasped. Me? I couldn’t speak. It was as though the rug had been pulled out from beneath me and the impatient floor had leapt up, and struck me in the back all at the same time. All I could do was stare at her dumbly, her words carried a weight that I knew instinctually. She was a Matriarch, a wise-woman well before her years. Her words, were more than prophecy, they were oracle. I knew this somewhere deep down. She spoke truth. “Pinkimina Dianne Pie, how could you say such a thing!?” Rarity screeched at her in disbelief. Pinkie never took her eyes off of me, shaking her head sadly, “I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry…” Without another word, she bolted from the room, disappearing around the corner. Each of the mares in the room gasped, or shouted her name. Rainbow Dash even tried to chase after her, only to freeze in mid-air at the opening of the hallway. She looked back at us in confusion. “She’s gone…” Rainbow Dash stated, blinking in confusion. I stared into space, trembling. That cold, hollow feeling was swallowing up that flame, threatening to envelop me in cold loneliness once more. Both my hands leapt up to the sides of my head, my brow furrowing and my eyes slamming shut, as I rolled up into a ball, leaning into Twilight’s barrel for warmth. The pain was preferable to the numbing cold. I would’ve rather felt pain than nothing at all at that moment. The indescribable feeling of fear, terror and vulnerability all culminated into a ball that lodged itself in my throat, barely contained by barred teeth, before escaping in a sound too powerful to be translated into proper speech; yet left no question of its meaning in its wake. Like an enraged beast, it tore its way from my throat and leapt into the world without mercy or pity…the purest expression of pain and sorrow… “RAAAAA!”