Planes, Plans and Pony Music

by River Road


Doctor's Disorder

Five minutes later I’m standing in the small bathroom of my very own hospital room. I have a good insurance, so I don’t have to share the room, and considering my situation it’s probably better that way. By now I’ve traded my casual clothes for one of those hospital dresses, which is basically a light blue and spacy nightgown. It’s a bit chilly, but rather comfortable, and I figure I’ll have a better view if any other part of my body starts changing.

Right now I’m twisting and turning my head to examine my new ears from all sides. My hearing seems to have improved, as I can pick up on all the small sounds in the quiet hospital. I can even make my ears twitch and swivel around to hear sounds from all directions. That way I immediately notice the door of the one-bed room open.

I step out of the small bathroom to see a doctor standing in the doorway, waiting for me. He stares at my ears for a second with an unreadable face and quickly notices the way I stand, too. His expression doesn’t slip for a moment, and he seems a little sceptical.

Mr. Wingeder, I presume.” It doesn’t really sound like a question. “I’m Dr. Kramer. Miss Ritner asked me to take a look at you. She refused to tell me a specific reason, so I hope you can fill me in.” Behind him Ms. Ritner peeks into the room hesitantly, looking at me nervously.

Wow… I must have shocked her pretty good if she is willing to leave her desk just to watch. It’s the night shift, so finding someone to stand in for her can’t have been too easy. Having her around should certainly help my credibility, so I’m glad for that.

For now, though, the doctor closes the door behind him and turns back around to face me. “Well then, what seems to be the problem? I assume it has something to do with those?” He gestures at my pony ears and comes a bit closer to examine them. “I don’t have any practical experience with implants like those, but they seem to be high quality.

He prods them a little and I feel them twitch as soon as his fingers touch them. It’s a feeling unlike anything I’ve ever felt before and right know I could care less about the possible consequences of these changes. Lots of people would probably pay money just for a chance to poke those big cartoony ears; I’m pretty sure I would. I wonder what my brony friends are going to say about this… Another prod sends a shiver from my ears right down my spine. Nnnnngh – my first priority tomorrow will be finding someone to scratch me behind my ears.

Thankfully Dr. Kramer moves on from my ears before things get awkward – I feel like my leg could start twitching any moment. He moves on to the back of my head and ruffles through my hair. I had almost forgotten about those other changes.

An extended hairline? Certainly unusual, even for cosmetic surgery. But I don’t judge… It’s actually some of the best quality medical work I’ve seen. Looks almost real.” He kneels down to examine the rest of me, especially the back of my legs. “I’ve noticed that you’ve been standing on your toes for a while. I’ve also noticed that… alteration to your toes. I already said that I don’t judge, but in this case I’ll have to strongly advise against this decision; from a medical standpoint just as much as from my personal opinion. If you’re attempting what I think you are, the operations would be not only risky, it might not be feasible even with the achievements in modern medicine.

Did he find something already? I look down at my feet and let out a surprised yelp, almost jumping back. My toes are gone and instead the front of each foot has formed a line of red, hard horn. The implications are obvious: Hooves. I’m getting hooves. I stare down at them. Who knows what might be next…

Dr. Kramer seems surprised at my reaction. “Are you okay?

Well, this is it. All or nothing, I figure. I take a deep breath and try to think of a good icebreaker. “I– It’s nothing, I was just a little bit surprised.” Dr. Kramer gives me an odd look, but at least I have his full attention. “Now, this will sound weird, but…” I hesitate, then sigh and continue. “I never had cosmetic surgery. In fact, all of this –” I gesture at my head and feet. “– appeared today. It all started with this tattoo on my thigh.” I lift part of my hospital dress to show him the cutie mark, uncovering most of my butt in the process.

The doctor sighs and walks back to the door, opening it a crack before turning around to me a last time. “You’ll understand if I find that hard to believe. If there are no real problems with the implants you should best put your clothes back on and go home. My opinion on that foot surgery still stands and I would also advise you to seek a therapist.” He opens the door the rest of the way and turns back around to see the woman from the reception standing on the other side. “Miss Ritner, you’re still here?

I didn’t want to believe it either, Doctor, but I’ve seen him. He didn’t have those ears an hour ago.” She shifts her eyes and shuffles around a bit. She seems to start questioning herself, actually saying that out loud. I can’t really blame her.

I watch the doctor leave through the door, Ms. Ritner stepping aside to let him pass. That’s it, apparently. I don’t think that there’s anything I can do to convince them tonight.

Waugh!” This time I actually jump in surprise while yelping. It wasn’t exactly painful, but something just happened. My lower back feels strange and I try to figure out what it is. I can feel the fabric of the hospital dress… But it’s not the feeling of fabric on skin.

Lower back… A strange feeling like a new part of my body… It doesn’t take me more than a second to do the math.

Dr. Kramer and Ms. Ritner come running back into the room at my scream. I realize that they probably can’t see it from their position, so I turn to the side and lift a part of my glorified nightgown.

Tell me the truth…” I ask, swishing my short, deep blue pony tail from side to side, “It just isn’t as adorable as my ears, is it?” The two just stare at my new appendage in disbelief. I cross my arms. “Well, I thought it was funny.” I manage to keep a straight face for a whole two seconds until I break down laughing. Screw consequences, I’m having the time of my life.

Ms. Ritner manages to snap out of her stupor faster than the doctor, probably because she has already seen me with and without the ears. She puts a hand on the doctor’s shoulder. He takes a deep breath and hesitantly steps forward. I feel kinda bad now, seeing them like this, like they are actually scared of me.

I…“ The doctor grasps for words. He pauses and turns his head to the side. Finally he takes a deep breath and looks me straight in the eyes, trying hard to ignore my ears. “I’d like you to stay here for the night. I’m afraid I can’t make any medical decisions after… this... I’m going home immediately to get some rest. Ms. Ritner will arrange for someone to check up on you at 9 am, so you have about eight hours of sleep. If this is really…” He stops again to think of the right words and fails. “…It might be a long day for you, and this hospital.

They both hurry out the door and leave me standing alone in the room for the night. I yawn and look down at the hospital bed. I really should get some sleep. My eyes drift over to the door of the small bathroom.

…First things first. There’s something I’ve put off for far too long now.

I spend the next twenty minutes in front of the bathroom mirror flapping my ears like a pair of signal flags.


I gallop back to the street where I left the others, an entourage of unicorns behind me. A large group of ponies of all kinds and colors has gathered around the fountain, swarming the few guardsponies with questions. I search the crowd for familiar faces and spot the Wonderbolt mare standing a few meters away from the other ponies. She notices my group and slowly trots over to us.

“You’re back!” She still looks timid and scared, but at least it’s a bit better than an hour ago. “I gathered as many ponies as I could.”

I point at the group of ponies behind me. “I brought everypony I could find at the Academy. We need everypony if we want any chance against Discord.” I put a hoof on her neck to calm her down. “I can’t thank you enough. You’ve been an important help.”

“The Guards said they would try to lead other ponies here, too, but…” She lets her head hang. “Nopony knows anything and everypony is scared and… and I’m scared! I can’t do this! I’m not a leader; I don’t even know why they made me a Wonderbolt. All I’m good at is… running away… and… and…” She breaks down sobbing.

I try to give her a reassuring hug, but I don’t know what to tell her. I know how she feels; I’m not a leader, either.

Rainbow Dash was a leader.

Princess Twilight and Princess Celestia were leaders. That’s why they are gone now.

...You know what to do.

I force the tears and the insecurities back. I called these ponies here. They could be an hour away from the city by now, without me. “You’ve done good.” I whisper. “I’ll take it from here.” I take a deep breath and stand up to trot over to the crowd of ponies. I flare my magic as bright as I can to get their attention and clear my throat. Everypony’s eyes are on me now. I hope I look more confident than I feel.

“Listen up, everypony! I know that you’re scared… As far as we know Discord has turned. Princess Celestia and Princess Twilight are missing, and we don’t know where Princess Luna is. We have reports that Discord used a spell to make Captain Rainbow Dash disappear, and we can only assume that the same happened to the Princesses.” I have to stop a moment for the screams and shouts from the crowd to die down.

“Ponyville is under attack” I continue. “It is only a matter of time until Discord comes back to take care of Canterlot. We are the only ones who can stand against him now.”

“Fight Discord?” somepony screams from the crowd. “That’s impossible!”

I already expected something like that. “Maybe it is impossible…” I state calmly. I raise my voice for what I hope sounds inspiring. “But we’re not fighting to defeat him! We’re fighting to bring back the Princesses!” I pace in front of the now completely silent crowd. “The only thing we know of that can defeat Discord are the Elements of Harmony. He made the bearers of the Elements disappear, but he didn’t kill them. If he did we would know it.”

I stare some of the nervous ponies in the first row directly in the eyes. “We’re going to set up an ambush and attack Discord with everything we’ve got. He will probably use that spell on some ponies… and that’s what we need.” I pause to let that thought sink in. “I have brought every unicorn I could find at Princess Celestia’s Academy for Gifted Unicorns. We will concentrate on figuring out that spell. If we can manage that we can retreat and try to find a way to bring back the Elements of Harmony and everypony else.” I turn around and take a few steps away from the crowd. “We might be the only hope for all of those ponies…”


I keep close to the wall of the building as I wait for Discord to show up. We have set up an ambush all around the central marketplace of Canterlot. Hundreds of ponies are hiding and waiting in buildings and around corners.

“Isn’t waiting just awful?”

The voice takes me completely by surprise. I jump and smack right into the wall I’ve been standing next to.

“Careful now. Any louder and you’ll ruin the ambush.” I look up and see Discord standing upside down on the bottom of the house’s gutter, leaning against the wall. “It’s one of the better ambushes even, and I’ve seen quite a few. I wouldn’t want something like that to go to waste. I just thought I should tell you.” With that he climbs into the bottom part of a drainpipe and disappears inside.

Before I can react Discord reappears in the middle of the marketplace. He is wearing a deep red, hooded cloak. “Oh my,” he proclaims mockingly, “what an unsuspiciously empty street this is. I don’t think anypony is here anymore.”

“Get him!” A few first ponies jump from their hiding places. I watch them charge at the draconequus; I know that they will be the first to vanish from his spell.

Discord jumps over the first pony, a mint green unicorn mare, and looks after her. “But Celestia, wherever are your big white wings?” He drops back on the ground just in time to avoid the attack of a pegasus. “And Celestia, where is your white horn?” He takes off his cloak and sidesteps a charging earth pony mare, pulling the cloak over her head. “Olé!” The beige earth pony stops and wriggles her head free from the fabric. Discord floats over to her to examine the mare’s face, his snout just an inch away from hers. “You’re not Celestia…”

The mare shrieks in shock as the cloak suddenly moves on its own to tie her legs together. Discord lifts a glowing claw and brings it down on her hea–

“No!” A pegasus mare slams into Discord’s side and tackles him away from his victim. They roll over the ground and end up in a heap. Discord has the mare pinned down and I recognize her as the meek Wonderbolt.

“So you want to be the first instead? Very well…” Discord touches her forehead with a glowing claw. “Five Score, Divided by Four…


That dream again… I open my eyes and stare at the ceiling. I still don’t remember anything. Or do I? I try to concentrate on the last foggy remnants of the dream. What was it? Something about… Discord?

Ungh… I have a light headache, and all that thinking doesn’t make it any better. Maybe it’s because of that hospital bed. I rub my temple with the palm of my hand.

I nearly trip as I dash into the small bathroom. There it is. In the mirror I see a dusty red horn sticking out from my forehead, the same color as my ears.

I also notice another change: A normal human can not possibly grin that wide.

Squeeeeeeee