//------------------------------//
// The Clans 
// Story: Wanderings of a Non-Brony 
// by BronyWriter 
//------------------------------//

Well, I had decided that I had enough excitement for the day, so I figured that then was as good of a time as any to have a nap. I must have been more tired than I thought, as I was out like a light the second my head hit the pillow. You know something? I actually had a pleasant dream. I dreamed that I was actually back on Earth, teaching a group of human fifth-graders about World War One and how it defined pretty much everything they knew about the world. I was... happy. I was dressed up semi-formally, and I knew that this was actually my classroom. As in, I wasn't student-teaching, this was my classroom and these were my students.


~~~~


I smile and interlock my hands. "It was a little slice of home. It reminded me of pretty much everything that I had wanted out of life when I was back there."

Celestia lightly chuckled. "Well, I'm glad you enjoyed it."

I sat up in my chair and my mouth dropped open. "Wait... you?"

Celestia shook her head. "No, but Luna did. Dreams are her domain, after all."

"Huh." I frowned and leaned against the table. "So you could have done that at any time?"

"I'm afraid not." Celestia smiled sadly at me. "Luna can only do something like that when she has a general idea of where her target is. You were goodness knows where for four-and-a-half years before that point."

I grimaced slightly. "I don't want to ask how you found me, do I?"

Celestia rolled her eyes. "TD, I expected a little more credit from you. You had just been named the crown prince of the second largest nation on the planet. How exactly was I not supposed to hear about that?" Celestia's face flashed dark for the briefest of moments. "As well as what happened after."

"I'll concede the point." I tapped my cheek with my finger, and a small smile crossed my face. "I guess I have to thank you for not spreading it around. And... to thank you for the dream. It was nice."

"You're very welcome TD," said Celestia. "As for why we didn't come for you, it was your choice to leave Equestria, TD. I would not have forced you to return."

I snorted and grimaced as I looked out the window. "You know, I kinda wish that Aepnet thought like you did."


~~~~


I woke up some time later to discover that it was actually seven in the morning. Considering I had gone to bed twelve hours before that, I surmised that I was a little tired from all that had gone on. Either that or it was nice sleeping on a truly comfortable bed for the first time in close to five years. The little cots I got in Zebrica and Schunie were nicer than the ground, but they had nothing on a soft bed.

I sat up and scratched the back of my neck. Oswald chirruped beside me, and he hopped onto my bed next to me. I scratched his head feathers and he nuzzled into my hand. "Oswald, buddy of mine, now that we've gotten some rest, I think it's time that I find my weapons and armor and find a way to get the heck out of here."

"I'm afraid that you cannot, your majesty."

I hadn't heard the door to the room open, so I almost jumped when I heard the voice. I looked to the source and saw that it came from a griffin dressed in a slightly low-quality suit. A butler of some sort, no doubt. He took a few more steps into the room, and gasped when he saw Oswald perched on the bed. "No! Absolutely not!" He grabbed a rolled up newspaper that was underneath his wing and began swiping it at Oswald. "Away with you, filthy creature! You will not dirty up the bed with your claws!"

He swung the newspaper down again, but I was ready for him. I caught it and pulled it out of his grasp before swinging it down at his head. He flinched back, but I stopped just inches away from his plumage. "Not a good start with me, buddy," I snarled. I got out of bed and stood over him. He was flinching back at having almost been beaten with a newspaper, but he managed to keep a little composure.

"Er... yes, of course. I apologize for misinterpreting the rights of your highness' phoenix." I nodded and put the newspaper down. He cleared his throat, but relaxed when he realized he wasn't going to get thwacked. "My name is William. I am a lesser squire from the house of Czolgosz, and Emperor Aepnet has instructed me to take care of you."

"Wonderful," I grumbled. I smoothed out my wrinkly clothes a little as Oswald hopped up next to me. "So what's first in this farce?"

William's eyes narrowed ever so slightly, but he ignored my sass. "Well, you are first to have a breakfast with your bride-to-be. Emperor Aepnet has instructed that the two of you be given the morning to yourselves so that you can get to know each other. After that, you will attend a luncheon with the heads of the other three clans."

"Right." I stretched slightly and cracked my neck. "Who are they again?"

William actually managed a smile, almost as if he was eagerly expecting me to ask this question and that I had done him a great favor by doing so. "Well, there are four main clans in Griffonia all united under Emperor Aepnet. Emperor Aepnet's hails from Clan Guiteau of the northern regions. The second most powerful clan is Clan Zangara of the eastern regions. The western regions are the home of Clan Byck while the southern lands are held by Clan Fromme. You will, of course, be getting to know all of them during your time as prince, and indeed when you ascend to be our beloved emperor."

Part of me wished that I hadn't developed a little self-restraint after getting my spine snapped by Luna. It would have enabled me to bash William over the head with the newspaper and throw him out the window. How glorious and regal I'd look after that. Definitely behavior befitting a future emperor of Griffonia.

As it was, I figured I'd find myself on the chopping block for that one, so I merely nodded curtly and followed William out of the room. He closed the door behind us, and looked me over. He sighed and clicked his tongue. "I'd prefer to get you into something nicer, but our tailors have yet to create garments for you that are befitting of your new status."

"I'm fine with this either way, thank you very much," I snapped. "Seriously, can't you guys let me make my own decisions about this?"

William's demeanor became slightly colder again, as if he really wanted to tell me off. That would have been counterproductive for the both of us, as I might have made good on my idea to throw him out a window. There were plenty of them around. He held his tongue and swallowed his worst verbal barbs, though. He opted instead to clear his throat. "Well, Princess Kathyrine will meet you on the grounds. She's in the..." He made a noise of disgust. "Sparring grounds."

"She's a fighter, eh?"

"I'm afraid so."

William led me down the hall towards an exit. Every so often we'd pass a group of soldiers who would salute me or a pair of maids who would bow low to me. I refrained from commenting on it, though, particularly when the soldiers were involved.

William sighed as two guards opened a pair of large double doors, revealing the lush, colorful grounds around the castle. "She's quite the spirited one," William admitted. "Emperor Aepnet tried to raise her as a proper lady of Griffonia, but from a young age all she wanted to do was join the military. Emperor Aepnet refused, of course, but when Princess Kathyrine was but eleven years old, she disguised herself and joined a hunting party of some commoners. They were attacked by timberwolves, and Kathyrine barely escaped with her life."

I scowled and rolled my eyes. "So you're saying what happened with her is a reoccurring theme?"

"That is only the second time, as far as I know," said William. "I am unsure of why the timberwolves were successful then as Kathyrine goes on hunting parties targeting them alone frequently. It is possibly because her departed friends were amateurs. I do not know."

I decided not to respond to that. I also decided not to bring it up to Kathyrine my... blegh... fiancée. It probably wasn't the right thing to talk about.

Well, we made it to the sparring grounds after a few minutes where Kathyrine herself was practicing with a pair of wingblades far larger than the ones that Soundspeed had. Of course, her wings were much bigger, so there was that. A pair of stoic guards were watching her every move. No doubt Aepnet set that one up.

The two of us stopped at the edge of the sparring arena just as Kathyrine flew into the air. She had a training dummy in front of her that looked suspiciously like a pony. With a screech that reminded me of something between a lion's roar and an eagle's cry--go figure there--she dove towards the dummy, slashing with her wingblades and neatly severing the dummy's head exactly where the neck ended and the torso began. She spun in midair and swung down with her other wingblade, cutting the dummy in half. She didn't even look like she broke a sweat.

With one final motion, Kathyrine flicked the severed head off of the ground with one talon and casually flicked one of her wingblades out. It naturally cut the head in two vertically.

Well, I've had more ornery girlfriends. I'm not sure which ones, but I'm sure I have at some point.

Kathyrine's wings snapped back to her sides, and she wheeled around to face William and I, a glare etched across her face. "Well what are you looking at?!" she snapped.

William fluttered his wings ever so slightly, but he managed to retain his composure. "Your father requested that you and your fiancée spend the morning together before the luncheon with the other clans."

Kathyrine growled and spread her wings again. My, my, those wingblades looked sharp.

"He is never going to be my husband," she snarled, "and that whelp will never sit upon the throne of Griffonia!"

William rolled his eyes. "Yes, yes, you spent the better part of five hours last night ranting about it." William folded his wings completely and straightened his posture. "Nevertheless, your father has requested that he spend the morning with you."

Kathyrine scoffed. "Look, I'm glad he saved my life and all, but look at him!" She extended a talon in my direction. "You seriously think I'm not going to accidentally snap him in half before your stupid 'luncheon' crap?"

Okay, that was taking it a bit far for me. I narrowed my eyes and leaned in on the wooden divider. "Look, lady, I don't like this any more than you, but don't you think I'm some kind of pushover. I friggin' killed the last thing that thought I was."

A little jolt went through me as I said that out loud, but it got Kathyrine's attention for sure. She folded her wings against her sides again, but her snarl turned mocking. "And what was that: some little cricket or maybe a blind, half-dead pony wimp?"

"It was a minotaur clan chieftain," I replied coolly. "I fought him in a Schunie death match and won."

Well, that sure wiped the condescending smirk off of her face, but only for a moment. It returned, but with a small hint of uncertainty behind it. "Yeah? What makes you think that I'd believe something like that? I heard there was a death match with some weird creature, but what makes you think I'll believe it was you?"

I rolled my eyes and turned to William. "You could get access to Schunie death match records, couldn't you?"

William frowned, but nodded uncertainly. "Yes, I could. I'm not sure if it's--"

"Well then hop to it." I tapped him on the side of the head to drive my point home. He grunted something to himself, but began walking back to the palace.

Kathyrine flew over to me and leaned against the divider wall. "You really think I couldn't break you like a twig, don't you?"

"I'd like to see you try," I retorted. "You know that I'm not any happier about this than you are, right? If I could get away, I would."

Kathyrine snorted and poked my arm with a talon. "Well, you just proved my point, buster. I'd believe you actually had some guts if you just sacked up and got out of here."

"And have the entire Griffonia army bear down on me after a few hours?" I shot her a glare. "Come on. Not even you could get out of that."

Kathyrine matched my glare. "You're asking for it, buddy. Dad may want me to marry you, but if we do get married, I'm gonna have to teach you who wears the pants in our relationship."

"Didn't know griffins wore pants," I retorted, "but if you want to go at it: anytime, anywhere."

Kathyrine quietly growled. "Right here. Right now."

I told Oswald to stay and hopped over the fence. Kathyrine ordered the guards to go fetch my armor and weapons, and they were back in only a few minutes. Kathyrine and I had used those minutes to play the happy couple and glare daggers at each other. While the guards helped me put my armor on, Kathyrine switched out her deadly wingblades for practice wooden ones. They would still hurt like crazy if they connected, even with armor on.

When my armor was on, I snatched Reginald right out of the claws of the guard holding it. After not having it for so long, it was almost like reconnecting with an old friend. An old friend that I was going to use to beat the feathers off of my forced fiancée of a different species. Go figure there.

I spun around the second Reginald was in my hands, and it was a good thing too, because Kathyrine was not going to waste any time showing me who the boss supposedly was. I barely managed to parry her first wingblade attack. The ensuing vibration through Reginald left no doubt in my mind that this chick had serious power behind those wings, and she was in no way holding back.

As I continued to parry her flurry of blows, some of them clipping me every now and again, I began to realize that everywhere I went on this planet, I got into a fight in some form or another. The Diamond Dogs, the zebras, the minotaurs, everybody was out to get me. Now here I was fighting a griffin princess that I was being forced to marry.

Sheesh.

Well, she was so engrossed in being totally on the offense that she left me a small opening that I had no trouble exploiting. As fast as she was, she couldn't keep up that flurry forever. Her wings did begin to slow down a touch, and I made my move. I thrust forward with Reginald and landed a blow square in the middle of her chest. She squawked and stumbled backwards. I pressed my advantage and landed another blow on one of her wings right at the joint. If I could disable those, I would gain the upper hand and have an easy victory.

Kathyrine thought very differently.

Knowing that her wing would be a disadvantage, she opted for a new tactic. Namely rugby tackling me and slamming me against the wall. I dropped Reginald in the attack, and she began slamming her fists all over me. My armor absorbed most of the blows, but she got a few good ones in there every now and again. I threw a punch of my own that connected with her beak. She responded by holding that arm down and punching it right at the joint until I couldn't feel it. I hadn't felt anything break or tear, so I imagine that she just hit it until it shut down a little.

Well, my right arm was completely useless for the time being, but I managed to punch her a few times in the beak. On the third hit, I felt something wet on my hand, and I chanced a glance at my fist. Blood. And it wasn't mine.

With another snarl, Kathyrine punched me right in the side of the head with one claw and held my arm down with the other. I kneed her right in the gut, and pushed her off of me with my other leg when she curled up. I rolled away from her towards Reginald, and picked it up to begin the fight anew. She had recovered, and she swung her wingblades towards me.

Time for round two.

Well, it would have been if William hadn't decided to show up again. We both heard him approach, and we saw him walking towards us. He was levitating in the air and was engrossed in a scroll.

"Well, it turns out that your husband-to-be isn't lying, Princess. He did indeed win a death match in Schunie against a minotaur chieftain." William rolled up the scroll again. "Now that... that..."

I can't imagine that we made a very flattering picture. She had a bloody beak and was clutching at her gut while I had an arm hanging limply at my side, and several bruises forming on my face. A winner of a picture for sure.


*  *  *  *


"It was absolutely disgraceful!" William snarled. "In all my years, I have never seen such behavior!"

I rolled my eyes and put an ice pack against the side of my head. "Oh calm down. It was just us having a frank discussion about important issues."

"Impor... importa...?" William sputtered incoherently for a few seconds before squeezing his eyes shut and facepalming. "You two are royalty!" His eyes snapped open and he glared at Kathyrine, who was wiping the blood off of her beak. "You are a princess! What makes you think that you can get in a brutal fight the moment I turn my back?!"

"The fact that we did it," Kathyrine retorted.

"Oh your father will hear about this!" William turned his head to me and fixed me with his glare. "And you! I expected better from you as well! Do royal couples engage in this behavior where you come from?"

I shrugged. "I can't say for sure, but probably."

That got him sputtering incoherent nonsense again. The way his eye twitched made it look like his brain had been broken. He finally managed to take a deep breath and regain some semblance of calm. "Our doctors will heal you to up so that you are at least presentable for the luncheon this afternoon. You will also be given finer clothes than what you are wearing, Prince TD."

"Don't ever call me that again."

"I will come to escort you to the luncheon in one hour's time!" William stomped to the door. "Try not to kill each other before then!"

"No promises," Kathyrine and I said at the same time.

William made a frustrated noise, and slammed the door shut behind him. Kathyrine and I glanced over at each other, and for the first time, she looked vaguely amused.

"You're pretty good at the whole sarcasm thing."

"I've practiced," I retorted.

Kathyrine snorted and tossed her bloody tissue away. "I may bucking hate the idea of marrying you, or even being in the same room as you for more than two minutes, but I respect a guy who can give as good as he takes."

I snorted and dabbed a few drops of Oswald's tears on my bruises. "Yeah, well, I can say that I appreciate your snarkiness too." I sighed in relief as the pain in my head went away. "I imagine you have a very back-east sense of humor."

"I'm not even going to ask," she muttered.

A door opened and a griffin came in carrying a tuxedo. Looks like it was time for me to get dressed. Kathyrine got the hint and began walking out of the room, but I stopped her before she could. "So the clans. What am I going into with this luncheon?"

Kathyrine smirked at me. "You're getting thrown to the wolves, Prince TD."

She cackled and exited the room, shutting the door behind her. I rolled my eyes and started getting dressed.

"So what else is new?" I muttered.


*  *  *  *


Within an hour, William came to get me to bring me to the luncheon. He was giving me the silent treatment, which was perfectly okay with me. I mean really, how much does a guy want to hear somebody like him talk?

He opened the doors to the throne room, where a table had been set up to accommodate the guests. Everybody else was already there, so all eyes were on me when I entered. Oswald was flying beside me, and the look I gave the emperor when he seemed about to object clearly said that I'd really make life difficult for him if he tried to make Oswald go away.

The table was fairly small and simple, but fairly well-made. It was almost something like a regular carpenter would make, which was fine by me. Of course, Aepnet was sitting on a chair slightly higher than the rest of them, so go figure there. Since the table was so small, it didn't seat as many as I thought it might. Only the four leaders, Kathyrine, and myself.

I was escorted to my seat by William, and I sat down at the table. Our food hadn't come yet, but everybody but Kathyrine, who was seated at my right, and I had a little bowl of oranges in front of them. I didn't want to partake if they weren't in front of me, so I merely nodded to everybody.

My nod was first returned by the griffin sitting to my left. He was slender griffin, but not in the sense that he looked hungry all the time. It's just that he had a wirier frame. He extended a claw that I shook. "Good afternoon to you, Prince TD. I am Duke Zangara."

"Pleasure," I responded.

"I am Duke Fromme," said the griffin to my front left. He was much burlier than Zangara, and he had a deep bass voice to Zangara's tenor.

"Well, if you know anything about our government, then you know that I am Duke Byck." The griffin across from me to the right said. He was smaller than either of his fellows, and seemed older, but the fact that his eyes seemed to be x-raying me said to me that he was a griffin who didn't miss much.

I shook all of their talons, and said my greetings. I'm sure they could tell that I was uneasy around them. I mean, try having lunch with the four most powerful griffins in the world, and their bodyguards. Oh I didn't mention that? Yeah, each of them was accompanied by two guards, each decked out in full battle armor with wickedly sharp spears. They weren't messing around.

So yeah, try that some time.

I was more talking to everybody else in the room, Celestia.

Well, despite the fact that I was getting kind of hungry, the nobles seemed to want me to earn my food.

"So, Prince TD, where did you say you were from again?" Zangara asked.

"I didn't." I cleared my throat. Explaining where I'm from never gets old. "My species is called 'humans,' plural of human. I'm from a planet in an alternate universe called 'Earth.' I was brought here by mistake when Princess Celestia messed around with magic she thought she could handle, but she messed up with."

"I see." Byck 'hmmed' and continued staring at me. "And what brings you here?"

"Well, I'm trying to find my way back home." I unfurled my thumb. "So far I've met Diamond Dogs..." I unfurled a finger. "Zebras, and minotaurs." I put my hand back down. "None of whom have been any help in getting me home, and two of whom have tried to kill me."

"Indeed?" said Fromme. "Well, you must be quite the warrior if you can survive minotaurs trying to kill you."

"I take it you were the 'strange being' that entered into that death match with the leader of clan Banag?" Zangara guessed.

"That was me." My expression grew dark as I looked around the table. "He tried to kill me, and now he's dead. What does that say about me, do you think?"

Now, normally I wouldn't behave like that, but since I was going into a political situation where I had no idea what these guys would stoop to to get the throne from this moron, it never hurt to not present myself as a pushover. I'd had enough of that, thank you very much. If nothing else, I could tell that the other three clan leaders' minds were definitely working overtime to try to figure me out.

"So, you say that you are trying to get home, yes?" Zangara said after a minute of silence. I nodded, and he returned it. "So why are you now marrying Princess Kathyrine and becoming the heir to the griffin empire?"

I opened my mouth to respond, but Aepnet was quick to cut me off. "He saved my daughter's life. It is our law that he be wed to her."

"But what kind of an emperor would he make?" Byck retorted. His eyes still had not left me, which was more than a little disconcerting. I don't think he'd even blinked. "If his goal is to return to his lands, then what makes you think that he would even begin to keep the interests of his subjects in mind?"

"One cannot have two ultimate objectives!" Fromme agreed. His eyes narrowed. "Aepnet, you are our emperor, so I follow you, but I'm beginning to wonder what makes you think that you can force a marriage between this human and your daughter just so you can continue your line?!"

"It's a dangerous game you are playing, Aepnet," Zangara muttered.

Yeah, and I was right in the middle of it.

Kathyrine and I exchanged an awkward glance, while Oswald rotated his head to look at whoever was speaking as the group's discussion got more heated. If I had to guess, this was not the first time a conversation of this nature had happened.

"You're avoiding our reasonable questions, Emperor Aepnet!" said Fromme as he slammed his fist on the table. "Why is my firstborn not good enough for your daughter?

"Or mine for that matter!" Zangara snapped.

Aepnet nervously chuckled. "W-well, you know our laws. He saved the princess, so he gets to marry her."

"You always know how much I disliked that law, Emperor Aepnet," said Byck evenly.

"Yes I do, Byck. It only passed a year ago!" Aepnet retorted.

"And now here he is." Zangara pointed a talon at me. "The beneficiary of that law. When you pass on he will be one of the most powerful beings on the planet next to only Celestia herself!"

"And he doesn't even want it," Fromme grumbled. "You are the emperor. Just revoke the law and he can leave!"

"He will be trained to be a good emperor," said Aepnet. He gave me a fond smile. "You already know how little he likes giving up, and he is a powerful warrior surrounded by peaceful lands that prove no threat to Griffonia. It is not Celestia's way to try to take over if she senses the ruler is weak, which Prince TD is not.

"On top of that, do you think that the minotaurs could muster an army that could work together long enough to invade even some of our border cities? Especially when you consider that the largest forest in the planet is between us and them? Oh, and I'm sure that the zebras or diamond dogs will be eager to invade once he has taken the throne."

"But there is also the matter of the changelings." Byck replied.

"How can they stop us? They feed on love!" Aepnet snorted. "And besides, they were defeated by two star-crossed lovers. All of them were."

"Well there is more to being an emperor than defeating external threats," Fromme muttered. He tapped his claw upon the blade of his knife. "You know that as well as I do."

"Indeed I do, and that's why he'll be trained to deal with those." Aepnet smirked at the clan leaders. "I am young yet, so he has plenty of time to learn."

If I thought that it would help me in any way I would have spoken up by now, but I knew that all of this was bigger than me, so I just sat there awkwardly. Occasionally I glanced over at Kathyrine who had double-facepalmed long ago. I assumed that she was used to such things. My parents never really liked talking politics at the table. Her dad practically demanded it.

Thankfully the arguing didn't last much longer as a tiny bell rang signifying that our meal had arrived. A half-dozen or so waiters came, each floating gently in the air with a platter in one hand and a goblet in the other. My plate of food was set down in front of me, and my eyes widened when I saw...

"Is this... steak?"

Aepnet smiled at me and nodded. "Yes. Cow meat. I know the Equestrians don't really approve, but we need it."

"I..." I stared down at the wonderful, juicy, delicious steak in front of me. I hadn't eaten steak in nearly five years, and now here it was in front of me.

Well, the group all turned to look at Aepnet, who raised his goblet and took a few sips before spearing a piece of steak and popping it into his mouth. I assumed that the idea was that he had to eat first. Well, now that he had, everybody else began digging in. I speared a piece of the wonderful, wonderful steak on my fork, but I was shocked to discover that it disappeared when I blinked. I softly gasped, but turned around to see Oswald chewing on something. He swallowed and smirked at me with his eyes.

Right. Dumb bird.

I wiped my fork on my napkin and began cutting a larger piece of meat. As I did, Zangara turned to me. "So, Prince TD. What is your perspective on--"

His words were cut off when we heard a noise that sounded like somebody choking on something. I put down my fork, and looked around to see who it was. I looked over at the emperor, but he seemed just as confused as I was about the source. Nobody else seemed to be either, which left...

"Oswald? Are you okay?"

In hindsight, it was kind of a dumb question. Oswald was starting to turn grey, and he was clutching at his throat. I stood up off of my chair and lightly pounded him on the back. "What the heck is this stuff?!"

"It's just steak, Prince, TD," said one of the waiters. "It's meat, salt, pepper, and that's pretty much it."

Oh man, were phoenixes allergic to salt or pepper?!

Wait... no, that didn't make sense. We had eaten some beef jerky with salt and pepper, so it wasn't that. It was almost like he...

My eyes widened when the first thought of what it might have been entered my brain. Oswald was only weakly gurgling by this point, and within a few seconds, he had fallen off of the chair and crashed onto the ground. His once vibrant feathers were turning white, and he looked up at me with almost pleading eyes as if he thought that I could fix him. I would have, but my backpack with the phoenix tears was back in the room!

I don't think that it would have mattered anyway. Before my very eyes Oswald began to crumble away into ash. He was still now, so I can only assume that he was already dead. It wasn't more than a few more seconds before my pet phoenix, the one who had stood with me through thick and thin, burst into flames, leaving just a pile of ash on the floor.

The entire room was silent as I stared at the remains of my beloved pet. I have to admit, I almost wanted to cry. I know that phoenixes regenerate and all, but I didn't know if that worked for anything aside from natural causes.

"Oh no... Oswald," I whispered. I gently reached forward and touched the pile of ash with my fingertips. The second I did, they began to sparkle, and the ash raised into the air. The ash began glowing even brighter, and we were all blinded for a moment as a bright light engulfed the room.

When the light faded, I was delighted to see a very much alive Oswald in the air.

Oswald? Well, I'll gather that he was happy to be alive, but let me tell you something...

He was thoroughly pissed.

With a war cry that I had not heard from him since the diamond dog cave, Oswald dove down towards my plate and whipped it against the wall, shattering it and sending steak everywhere. I flinched back from a piece that got a little too close to me. Yeah, I'd had a pretty good idea of what happened.

I turned around to see Oswald standing on the table. His wings were spread, and on fire, and he was hissing at everybody sitting there. My face hardened into a glare, and I slowly walked up to the table myself. I leaned my hands against it, and glared at every single one of those jokers before speaking.

"Okay, which one of you bozos just tried to kill me?!"