//------------------------------//
// Weirdo from Another Planet 
// Story: White Rabbit Object 
// by L0rd0f7hund3r 
//------------------------------//


Retreat? Retreat?! What the fuck; are you shitting me?! I'm up to my elbows in assholes and if I gotta ride 'em down to Hell itself, that's exactly what I'm gonna do!


Cobalt eyes stared down into golden. The mare gazed on Ana'Ra like some curio seen in the back corner of a shop. Though she trembled slightly, she remained where she was. It was obvious to Ana'Ra that he was looking quite the fright. Still suited in the black-on-grey Army uniform, flecks of blood and sweat still clinging to his face, he imagined that he looked akin to something half-past dead.

"W-where is Texas?" the mare asked.

"Texas," Ana'Ra croaked, "it's- in the Mid-South. At least that's where it was last I checked. Would mind if I asked where I am now?"

The mare replied, "You're at my home, on the edge of Everfree Forest."

"Everfree- Forest?" he inquired, "Where in the holiest of Hell is that?"

"It's south of Ponyville, but it pretty much hugs it from south to east. My cottage is to the southeast of Ponyville."

"Would Ponyville be the nearest municipality here?"

"I guess so. Why?"

"Needed a point of reference." Ana'Ra answers.

He attempts to lift his head again; the vertigo strikes once more, but it's not nearly as pronounced. Just as he lays his head back down, a memory strikes him. It was a few days before now, while he was still in Myanmar. He had placing the finishing touches on his Peacemaker carbine. He had a habit of tinkering with everything. Natalie often told him it was a small wonder that none of his tinkering rendered vital equipment useless. The tinkering he did to his Peacemaker turned the tactical rifle into a sharpshooters dream. With a sixteen power Starlight Smart scope, extended LIMBPAW barrel, a flattened and lengthened magazine release catch and ambidextrous cocking lever, his Peacemaker outperformed even some of the best made sniper rifles.

He was just finishing with the adjustments on his scope (the moorings has somehow gotten loose in transit) when a familiar "knock-knock" came to from his tent flap. Lt. Shive had just entered. This was an expected event. The Lieutenant was an Army Liaison for the media, and she kept in contact with every commanding officer in the field. She was no stranger to Ana'Ra's tent and was often welcomed to it. They never did have anything romantic happen, though. Lt. Shive was always about her business. Ana'Ra felt it was a shame, too; Fiona was a very comely lass.

"I've got three quarters of the world's reporters, bloggers, and photo journalists riding my ass about the action here. They want straight word about what's going on. And from what I can tell of Camp, so our troops. Everywhere I go, I keep hearing soldiers say, 'Ride 'Em to Hell!' So what ARE we expecting from the enemy?"

"Not much," Ana'Ra replied, "they don't have lasers or plasma rifles, and from what Alphabet Soup† tells me, they haven't really benefitted much from The Disorders. I got a NSA sat image that shows one of their generals with an Chinese Type 81 strapped to him. Ten-to-one the bullets in it aren't even armor piercing…"

"Wow, low tech much?" Lt. Shive retorted, "Still, any megalomaniac with a gun and a dream is a danger. Did Alphabet Soup say anything about heavier- gear?"

"Nope," Ana'Ra said, "near as the CIA can tell, the Triumvirate has been trying to get North Korean nukes to no avail. And here I thought Kim Jong-Un had no principles…"

"Well, whatever the case may be, we still have a long road to slog."

"God does his Infantry, doesn't he?"

Lt. Shive nods, then adds, "These is one other thing I came in here for."

"What be that?"

"I don't know if you saw, but I'm putting in my papers for retirement."

"Really?" Ana'Ra asked. He had known the Lieutenant for almost five years now, ever since the debacle in Damascus.

"Yeah," she sighs, "I've been active military for ten years now. When I signed on, I never thought of going career. I've more than earned enough to make my way through veterinary school. I'd like to get started on that before life passes me by."

Ana'Ra smiled at the news. The idea that someone under his command was going to get a happy ending instead of an amputation or a funeral made him glad.

"Good for you, Fiona. You'll be missed around here. You always brought a certain charm to camp."

"Especially all those hairy nuisances outside!"

They both laugh; the release is so necessary. Part of soldiers job is to expect death at every turn. Watch for it too often and your head gets messed up. Humor, however dark and macabre it may go, is always cathartic.

"Have you talked to your girls, today?" the Lieutenant asks.

"Just did," Ana'Ra reports, "they were getting ready for bed. I read 'em a bedtime story."

"They must be really strong to handle all of this." remarks the Lieutenant.

"They have to be. If not for them, I might not want to keep on."

"I didn't know…"

"Not many would."

Ana'Ra wasn't sure who initiated it, or even why it happened, but before he knew it he and Lt. Shive were kissing. It must have been mutual because she didn't struggle against him; he was rather thrilled at the prospect. She broke away abruptly however, her face flushed with embarrassment.

"I shouldn't have- We can't…"

Then she walked away. I hate to see her leave, but I love to watch her go. Even now, Ana'Ra had to think there was mutual attraction going on. He never acted on it before, and Fiona never intimated that she had any feelings for him. After that day, though, he wondered, very much. Why this memory flooded his thoughts, he couldn't say. Maybe it was because this mare looked so familiar to him…

"Steph, you still working?"

'Yes sir. I've gone over all major systems and I have good news to report, along with some bad news.'

"Give it to me straight."

'The good news,' the ancilla reported, 'is that most of the major systems are still intact. Outside of communications, everything else is  five-by-five.

"What about physical? Any damage there?"

'None that can I detect from your armor, but I do see that you have a concussion. There are a few contusions on your back and thighs. Other than that, you seem okay.'

"Wundervoll," Ana'Ra exclaims, "let's see if I can stand without losing my balance."

"Are you sure you're feeling okay?" said the mare.

"I think so," Ana'Ra says, "but I'll know more in a minute."

Lifting his head one last time, he finds the vertigo stage of his concussion is gone. He then tries to prop himself on his elbows. From there, he twists to get on his hands and is soon back on his feet. There is minor disorientation, but nothing to serious."

"By the way," Ana'Ra says, "I never got your name, little pony. Who are you?"

The mare looks up, craning her neck almost back into her body, to look at him.

"I-I'm Fl- Flu- Fluttershy. My name is Fluttershy."

"Sorry to have made such a fuss, Miss Fluttershy," Ana'Ra says, "so, Ponyville is- that way?"

Fluttershy nods.

"Good. Maybe somebody can tell where I am and where Earth is and how I can get back there."

Already, the golden mare is retreating back to her cottage. It seems she has never met a being like unto himself. First time for everything.

'Sir, I'm still running diagnostics, but I feel there's something you should know.'

"You just came to say 'Hello?'" Ana'Ra muses.

'No, sir. I just did a refresher on offensive weapons and in the last minute, power for it went down from 97% to 25%.

"What-?"

'I'm looking into it now, sir. All other systems but Comms read as green. I can't explain it.'

"Keep looking, Steph. I don't think we'll encounter any hostiles here, but it is curious that just happened."

So this is what it was like for the Light Brigade? Ride 'Em Hell, indeed.


I am the man on the phone with the man whose thumb rests on the button that fires the missiles! Okay?!


The walk to Ponyville was very uneventful; it was also fairly short. Stephanie had been silent about her diagnostic work. Her last report was that she had moved from a Level 3 Diagnostic to a Level 1, which is much more extensive. All the while, Ana'Ra had been humming to Martin Solveig's Hello. At least his media player still worked.

Now that he was in sight of Ponyville, he realized why Stephanie hadn't gotten any link up with MilNet or any GPS satellites. The wooden houses with straw thatched roofs told him that the highest form of technology this world had offer was a steam engine. Forget any Wi-Fi or cell service; he was on a world that just reached the Age of Steam. He wanted to cry at the lack of technological sophistication.

Walking into town, he noticed that the mare he met earlier wasn't the only one of her species. Everywhere he walked, he encountered more and more ponies, many of whom gave him a wide berth. Ana'Ra got the idea that humans were a sight unseen in these parts. They certainly sounded intelligent, for an equine species, though. Still, the sense of fright lingering in the air made him nervous. He had to wonder if any humans ever walked on this world.

Soon, he was what looked to be the middle of town. A large, three story building was erected there and was the most prominent building he could see besides a clock tower nearby. Ponies of every shape, size, and color went into and came out that building. Take me to your leader.

He soon surrounded by ponies, each with a design on their flanks. He had no idea what the sigils were for, but he did see some interesting variations of the species. Some of the ponies had wings on the side, telling him that they may be Pegasi. Others had a horn protruding from the middle of their forehead, a possible link to the mythical unicorn. All had curious faces and learned eyes.

"Excuse me, coming through… Make way for a Princess…!"

Princess, Ana'Ra thought, So this world has a monarchy. This should be intriguing.

His first glimpse of equine royalty came charging through the crowd with a small éntourage. The princess in question was a purple mare with a sapphire and violet mane and a crown on her head, all coupled to a unicorn's horn and pegasus wings. Behind her and on her left flank was a candy colored mare that bounced up and down on her hooves and a mare wearing a Stetson over a straw colored mane, A lone unicorn, fresh snow coated and sporting a styled mane of cobalt, took on the right flank. A shadow sat just to her right, and as Ana'Ra looked up, he saw another pegasus, this one in a powder blue coat and wearing a rainbow colored mane. This one looked coldly down on him, as though he were something indecent.

"Hello," announced the Purple Princess, "Welcome to Equestria! I'm Twilight Sparkle."

"'Allo." was all Ana'Ra would say.

"So, if I may be so bold, what brings you here to Ponyville?"

"I'm not- sure." Ana'Ra replied, "I was hoping for some civilization. That was not quite what I had in mind."

"Well," Princess Twilight asked, "what was it you were expecting?"

"A Starbucks, maybe, or someplace where I can could get a decent cell phone signal. I'd even settle for a telegraph office. If I knew where in the Universe this place is."

"I don't know," said the rainbow bow maned Pegasus, "He looks like trouble if you ask me."

"Missy, I'm more IN trouble than I AM trouble."

"Hey-!" the rainbow maned pegasus started, but she was stopped by the Purple Princess.

"Rainbow Dash, we don't need you picking a fight with an alien. At least let him explain himself, then we can take him to Princess Celestia. I'm sure she could sense if he was of any danger to any pony."

"There's another one?" Ana'Ra asked.

"Yes," Princess Twilight said, "I was only just coronated, so I'm still sorting out what my royal duties are. Princess Celestia is the ruler of Equestria and my mentor. If you need any help, I'm sure she could help."

"That sounds good to me." Ana'Ra said, "And I wouldn't mind meeting this Celestia, either."

'Sir, we have a problem!'

"Not now, Steph, I'm talking with ponies- You know, I just now realized how absurd all this is. I'm. Talking. With. Ponies. It's some sort of trip, I'm sure. Just a quick walk on the other side of the Looking Glass now, ain't it?"

'Sir, you need to hear this. In the last five minutes, power to Offensive Weapons went from 25% to 2000%, then dropped to 7.5%! Integrity fields for hard plating are suffering wildly divergent fluctuations. I can't determine the cause or explain why this happening, sir.'

"But why would integrity fields fluctuate like that-?"

Ana'Ra never finishes the thought. The world starts spin for him and before he can control it, he is falling… the world fades to black-

*THUNK!*