Chapter 3
“Kids are cruel, and I am very in touch with my inner child.” S. Freud
“What are these things?” Rainbow Dash asked, puzzled by the assortment of steel and wood on the table. Looking over the strange items removed from the creature that was now sleeping on Fluttershy’s couch just a few feet away, on the surface of her table there was: a small pouch containing roughly a hundred gold and silver coins, but not anything like bits, an eerily leather-bound book with diagrams, both magical and medical, rations consisting of old thick bread loafs and a few random vegetables (which may have been older than the bread), what appeared to be a chef’s knife attached to a long chain, and a butcher’s cleaver also attached to a chain. The knife itself was in good to fair condition, though it was well worn, but well maintained. The cleaver was in the same condition as the knife. The chains were bound to the forearms of the strange creature before their removal. A sheathed metal blade resonating a faint magical aura, one of power, Twilight deduced, was idly propped against the table. A pair of boots that appeared to be well traveled in was also amongst the inventory, though on closer inspection, there was a hallow compartment in the bottom of the right heel that contained a vial containing what looked like smoke. One of the strangest items out of all the strangeness was an orb with a storm raging within its transparent walls.
“I’m not sure about much of this stuff, but this appears to be a spell book.” Twilight said, cracking open the tome’s pages with her magic. “Careful now Twi, we don’t know what any of this is for certain. For all we know, it could be dangerous! Heck, it- he, could be dangerous!” Applejack cautioned. “How can he be dangerous when he has such a sweet dog?” Fluttershy said, receiving a friendly lick from said dog. She gave him a pat on the head, chuckling. “I don’t know. Must be some real tough sonuvabuck to take a walloping from that monster… and AJ.” Rainbow said, rolling the orb between her hooves. Spike bit into one of the coins. “Well, these aren’t fake, but I’ve never heard of where this was minted.” ‘In the hands of The Legion of Underash’ one side read, the other side said ‘May this pass through many hands’ which was cast into four quadrants in an X shape. “Wait, you can read that? Let me see.” Twilight looked up from the book. “Well, duh, it’s written in basic Equestrian.” Spike said, holding up the coin to her. “That’s weird; this book looks like it was written in a totally different language!” Twilight said, holding up her current page in the book, illegible scrawlings covering the sheets. “It’s like two different authors wrote in the same book!”
“Well, maybe he’s a magic user, Twilight, you saw that stuff shooting out from his claws.” Spike said. “I know what I saw, Spike, but magic doesn’t work that way!” Twilight said in an honestly confused voice. Fluttershy spoke up, “There’s a lot of magical creatures out there, Twilight. Timberwolves, mountain lions, cockatrices, bastilisks, and even the occasional tree can be magical. They don’t use the same sort of magic we do.” This was surprising, hearing encyclopedic knowledge from her quiet friend. She was the animal expert, after all. “That’s a good theory there, Fluttershy, but if he’s a magic user, why’s he got all these weapons?” Rainbow said as she pointed out the arsenal he had. “And besides, did you see all those scars on it- his body? And I’m not just talking about the new one Fluttershy just patched up; he looks like he’s been in a fight or two.” “Or three or four.” Applejack retorted, “And that’s why I don’t think we should be messing with his stuff.” She said, slamming a hoof on the table. “Chill out, AJ,” Rainbow said, setting down the orb on the edge of the table. She placed a hoof around her friend, “What’s the worst he could do?” As soon as she said this, a low moaning came from the figure lying on the couch. “Noooooo, I said pancakes, not muffins!”
After all five turned and looked at the new being, AJ broke the silence, “He’s stirring, let’s get rid of him now. C’mon, Shy, you know how dangerous sleeping critters can be! Let’s put him in the Everfree and we let him be.” “No, he’s not from here!” Twilight interjected. “Besides, he’s injured.” Fluttershy said, pointing at the exposed pale chest of her newest patient. They had thoroughly disrobed him down to his skivvies, being modest, as they themselves rarely wore clothes, but a creature that wore as much clothing as him, well they didn’t want to be rude.
“Twi, you should still get out one of those fancy spells of yours ready just in case.” Applejack stated. “Applejack, you’re stressing yourself out, relax.” Dash said. Applejack snorted with the echoing sound of her hoof slamming on the table. “Don’t tell me to-“ She was cut off by the shattering of glass hitting the floor.
“Oooooh, shoot.” Applejack muttered as the storm cloud seeped through the cracks of the former orb.
“What did you break?” An obviously older male voice behind them said. “And why am I in my underwear?”
The five of them jumped in surprise, turning to look at the new voice in the conversation. A 6’2”, partially clothed pale bipedal hominid glowered down at them while scratching his head.
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“Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no!” Twilight stammered, “Not good!” “And this is why we don’t mess with things when we don’t know what they are!” shouted Applejack to a sheepish Rainbow. “Sorry.” Dash said. “What did he call himself? A hyooman?” Twilight thought to herself. The creature walked over to the table and scooped up the orb with one claw. “Well, you didn’t break it. You just knicked it.” He rapidly switched his tone to a more growling one as he jabbed one of his pale claws at the group. “You’re still lucky! This could have been far worse than just a crack!”
The whole group stood there on bated breath, waiting to see what the human would do next. “Where are my robes?” he snapped. “Um, Mr… Hughman?” Fluttershy squeaked through her pink mane. The pale beast shifted his gaze to her. “Um, your robes were badly burned. They’re over there,” she said, pointing her hoof to a small basket containing a pile of charred cloth, “but I don’t think you’d want them. Oh, I mean, if that’s what you want.” An abrupt snicker came from the human, which quickly rolled into uproarious laughter. “Well, it’s about time I got some new robes!” His laughter died down, everypony looked at each other, a tad unnerved. “But seriously, I need something warm.” “Oh, one second!” Fluttershy said, retreating from the room and returning with a heavy quilted blanket. “I guess this will work for now.” He said, draping the blanket around him. “Thank you, uh, miss...” “Fluttershy.” She said, introducing herself.
“So, no hard feelings, right?” Rainbow asked. “Well, you did completely remove all my gear without asking me.” He flatly responded. “But seeing how nothing is really damaged or taken…” he said, casting an eye over the table, “You’re okay.” “Cool, great to hear it!” Rainbow ecstatically replied, giving him a heavy pat on the back.
The human stumbled forward, tripping on the blanket and sliding on top of the table. Everything from the book to the coins to the partially rotten food scattered to the four corners of Fluttershy’s house. The orb he was so delicately holding onto flew out and crashed onto the floor. The glass evaporated and a small pillar of smoke came rising up.
Out of the pillar of smoke, an eight foot something humanoid figure emerged. The room now was nearly filled to capacity. Twilight, Spike, the dog, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, the human, and in the center of it all was the hulking figure, clad from shoulder to boot in dark cladded steel. His skin tone was nearly as grey as his armor. His face was very gaunt, but also very muscular. With eyes that had no discernible eye color. A short mess of black hair sat atop the behemoth’s head.
Without a word, the new arrival snatched at Rainbow. She was so stunned by this action, she barely dodged, and very quickly she retaliated by kicking her two hind legs in his face. He didn’t even budge. This was followed up by the Applejack swiftly kicking into the bulk of the newcomer. Nothing. This time, he swiped at her, catching her by her left hind leg. He held his arm straight out, letting her hang there. “A little help’d be mighty appreciated!” she yelled. The big guy reared his free arm back, balling his hand into a fist. His intentions were clear, he was going to turn this cute pony into a pile of not-so-cute pony guts.
A purple nimbus of magical energy enveloped the giant and without a word, he was immediately pacified. Twilight drew a heavy sigh of relief to steady her heartbeat. The human’s head lowered as he scratched the back of his head in an almost thoughtful way, and he said, “Well, now I don’t have to introduce Dirge to you.” “What do we do with him?” Twilight said in between breaths. “I don’t know, put him outside if you have to!” he shrugged. Opening the door, Twilight lead the giant outside, the only sound being the creaking of the floor boards straining under his weight and the scraping of the steel of his armor. He was so tall, he had to brace the door frame and duck under to squeeze out. “Hey, I noticed you had that spell ready awfully quickly.” The human commended. “Well, I was going to use it on you…” Twilight said bluntly. “And- you were going to what?!” He yelled incredulously. “You are an unknown variable! And unpredictable!” Twilight replied. He looked like he was about to say something, stopped, and said, “Fair enough.”
“Anyway, what was that?” Twilight asked. “That was Dirge, my, uh, ‘bodyguard’.” he sighed, “Sorry for the rough treatment.” He directed his apology at Applejack. This earned him an angry, but curt nod. “Your bodyguard?” Twilight parroted. “Uh, sorry about breaking your ball.” Rainbow Dash muttered. “And you are?” “I’m Rainbow Dash.” She said puffing her chest out. “Well I hope you’re proud of yourself. Now I have to put up with that oaf. Seriously, he’s worse than the dog. Wait scratch that, he at least takes orders somewhat well.” “You call him Dirge? As in a mournful song in honor of the dead?” “Mmmhm, that’s right.” He said as he gathered his things from the table, not even looking at her. “See, he’s not alive anymore. Quite literally a body that guards.” The air in the room felt as though it had been sucked out. A disbelieving “What.” came from all except Twilight. “That’s sick!” Twilight spat. “How can you desecrate another creature’s body with such little respect?” He turned to give her a stern look. “Listen, you know nothing about who I am or what I am or what kind of life I live! I will do as I please. I live for me and mine, and that doesn’t include you unless I conjugate you into it.” Taking a step back, reeling from his gaze, “S-sorry.” She stammered. “Now, we can start over, or I can leave. I appreciate you taking care of me, but if my presence isn’t welcome here, I’ll be gone.” “Wait, don’t go! I have so many questions! Like, why is your book look like it was written by two different people? And what was that you did to that salamander? And-” He interrupted her by clamping a claw around her muzzle. “Alright, I get it! I get it.” Gesturing to a cushion, they all sat down.
With everyone gathered around the table, seated on cushions, Twilight began, “Alright, first things first, introductions.” “I’m Applejack,” Applejack said. “And you already met Rainbow and Fluttershy.” Twilight said. “I am Leon Blackell, and this is Spike.” Leon gestured at the curled up ball of dog at his side, his hand slowly petting his head. “And you met ‘Lurch’.” He said, moving two of the digits on his claws in unison with each other. “Wait, Spike?” asked Applejack. “No way! What are the odds?” Rainbow guffawed. The dragon was sitting parallel to the dog. “And what a great name! Glad you picked it!” “Ain’t that going to be a tad bit confusing?” Applejack asked. “Just call him BK, for Black Spike!” Spike suggested. Leon looked at his dog, and said in a flat tone, “I don’t think he cares.”
Just then, a trio of screams came from outside. It was Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Sweetie Belle. Sweetie Belle had a little saddle bag with something bulging out of it. They were screaming at Dirge, who was standing in Fluttershy’s flower bed. Racing to the door, Twilight made sure Dirge was still doing nothing before saying, “Don’t worry about him, just come inside and we’ll explain everything.”
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“… And that’s all you need to know right now.” Leon said to Pinkie Pie and Rarity. “Oooh, I should show you around Ponyville!” Pinkie said, practically bouncing off the couch. “But first things first, we need to give you what we came here for!” Sweetie Belle chimed in, opening her saddle bags. She pulled out a set of robes. The most gaudy, poorly put together, lacy, hodgepodge set of robes ever. There was also a little simple black bowler hat. Leon stared at the outfit for a long time. Sweetie Belle was anticipating his reaction. “Well, what do you think? I made it myself!” Sweetie Belle grinned. It took Leon a bit to reply, “Well, it’s very colorful, but not in a good way, the patches barely seem to be sewn on, and it’s too small.” Sweetie Belle looked crestfallen at the criticism. “But it does have this little hat, and I’m a sucker for little hats.” Sweetie perked up immediately.