//------------------------------//
// Chapter 11: Voices and Hallucinations 
// Story: Before the Dawn 
// by SilverMuse 
//------------------------------//

Chapter 11: Voices and Hallucinations 

The days passed agonizingly slow for Sombra. He longed for the nights when Luna would visit him, and they would fly together beneath the stars. The nightmares had grown worse, but each time they reached their apex, Luna was there to chase away the shadows, the demons, or the voice.
That voice had plagued him ever since he had left the crystal cave. At first, it had started as a mere whisper, but it had grown stronger each day, and now Sombra was even afraid to wake in the morning lest the voice was there to greet him. 
His dreams with Luna were what helped him get through the day. Besides spending time together, Luna had started to teach him more about his magic. While he never used his real power in the dream world, when he awoke, he practiced and found that he could indeed call upon the magic. Each morning he felt stronger. Each day he felt that he became more and more worthy of Luna’s love and affection.
“Do you?” the voice asked. “Do you really believe that a little increase in your knowledge in magic will be enough to impress her?”
Sombra shook his head roughly as the voice hissed at him. He fumbled with his drums beside one of the bookcases in his home and paused for a moment so that he could gather his senses.
“Sombra? Is something wrong?” Ambersong asked. His friend had strapped his crystal flugelhorn onto his back and was wrapping up some dandelion sandwiches in a basket for when they took a break from their performance. Blue Belle was busy packing her bells together, but she paused as well to look at him.
“I’m fine,” Sombra told them quickly and levitated the drums with his horn. “I just had a long night.”
“With Luna?” Blue Belle asked merrily. “You have been spending more and more time with the Princess. You must really love her.”
Sombra flushed, but he could not deny it. He told his friends constantly of his exploits with the Princess....the non-private information anyway. Blue Belle was overjoyed for him, and even Ambersong seemed pleased, though he still warned Sombra to be careful.
“She’s a Princess, and you’re...well, you’re not a Prince,” he would say. “I don’t want you to be disappointed.”
To which Sombra would always reply, “Luna would never turn against me.”
“Or so you think. What if she finds a Prince, or even a King, who can give her everything that you cannot?” the voice sneered.
Sombra grimaced and almost lost hold of one of the drums a second time. 
“Weak.” 
“I am not,” Sombra growled then froze when he saw Blue Belle and Ambersong stare at him in confusion.
Blue Belle scratched her head. “You’re...not in love with the Princess?”
“No, no, I mean...yes, I am in love with her,” Sombra stumbled over his words and gathered the rest of the instruments together. “We should go. The ponies will just be finishing breakfast and will enjoy some pleasant music while they go to work.” Before his friends could question him further, he walked stiffly out of the room with the drums floating behind him.
Though Sombra had slept, and was very much awake, he felt tired, drained, after his long evenings with Luna. He cherished them, but when Luna left him in darkness, that was when the worrying started. He couldn’t help but think about the crystal cave and how the Nightmist had offered him power to be a stronger unicorn so that he could protect himself and Luna. It was what he wanted...what he desired. He remembered how Luna had stood in front of him and fought off those evil unicorns while he cowered behind her. What sort of mate was that for a Princess?
“She wishes to change you, to make you more like her,” his doubt murmured as he set up the drums and cleared a spot for Blue Belle and her instruments. “Why else would she ask you to fly with her? She wishes you were an alicorn instead of what you are.”
Luna loves me for me, Sombra tried to insist as he tightened some knobs on the drums. She only asks me to fly with her in my dreams because I can. She’s not trying to change me.
“Are you so certain?”
No, no he wasn’t, but he had work to do, and he didn’t need a mocking voice distracting him. 
“Go away,” he whispered between clenched teeth and tried to imagine the voice breaking into thousands of glass shards. It brought him peace and quiet for a moment, but he did not expect it to last.
He arranged his drums, and Blue Belle strung up her bells in front of her. The wind stirred a couple and made them ring brightly. Ambersong tucked his basket away behind Sombra and pulled out his flugelhorn. He warmed up on a couple of notes and looked between Sombra and Blue Belle.
“What should we play?”
“Hmm,” Blue Belle tapped her chin. She looked around at the other ponies who had started to creep closer to see what the trio had in store for today’s performance. Her eyes went to Sombra, and she let a mischievous grin cross her muzzle. “What about ‘The Princess and the Knight’?” 
Ambersong chuckled and winked knowingly at Sombra who just sighed. "The Princess and the Knight” was a comical song about a damsel trapped in a tower. Her dashing knight had to save her, but along the way, he encountered all sorts of obstacles, and he blundered every single one. In the end, it was the Princess who had to hike up her gown and rescue him.
“Very well,” Sombra replied and started to hit a tempo on the drums. He waited for Ambersong to play the opening chords before Sombra went into the main base part. Blue Belle began ringing her bells and raised her voice to the crowd. 

“Come now friends, and listen close
as I tell you the tale
of a Princess taken from her home,
her face so sweet and pale.
She cried aloud, ‘Who shall save me now!’
And many a knight did call.
But one achieved the greatest feat
by blundering through it all.
No dashing armor embraced his form.
His coat was not pure white.
No sword, or magic, did he wield 
when he chose to brave the fight.

‘Oh Princess, Princess hear my cry.
I’ll save you from your plight!
I’ll fight the day and serpents fierce
and become your faithful knight!’

And so he came upon a bridge.
The troll could not be seen.
He made to walk across the stream;
an easy task, it seemed.
But lo, there came a horrendous roar
that shook him to his core.
He was cast aside into brook 
and had to flounder to the shore.
A powerful warrior, he was not,
so he stole into the trees
and fell into a pigmy trap
and, frightened, began his plea.

‘Oh Princess, Princess, hear my cry.
I swear I’ll come for you.
If these pygmies set me free
instead of making me their stew.’

The pygmies found this quite a thrill
to hear the pony cry.
They laughed and fell upon the ground
and wiped tears from their eyes.
Distracted by his wanton plight,
the pony freed his bonds.
With a kick, he ran away
and stole into the dawn.
In the east, the Princess sighed
and tapped her hoof on stone.
‘If none can save my life, so dear,
then by, Celestia, I’ll save my own,’

Oh, Princess, Princess, don’t despair.
Your stallion is coming soon.
He may not be a knight at all.
But perhaps he’ll be your groom

And so the stallion ran far and wide
until he reached the moat.
He raced around to find a bridge,
but all he found was a boat.
He climbed within and sailed across,
his lips spread in a grin.
But just before he reached the door
he heard a whoosh of wings.
A dragon dove and reached for him;
his talons stretched so wide.
The stallion screeched and jumped the ship
to save his precious hide.

‘Oh, Princess, Princess, I have failed!
The beast is just too great!
Throw down your mane and bring me home
and save me from this fate!’

With a snort, the Princess took
a sword from beneath her bed.
She spread her wings and placed a crown
proudly upon her head.
She leapt from the tower to face the beast
and gave a mighty cry.
The dragon roared and joined her 
in the sunset sky.
The battle waged around the moat
until she struck him through.
The dragon landed on the ground
besides the stallion, true.

‘Oh, Princess, Princess, you are free
so now we can join as one.
We’ll be united beneath the moon
and live happily in the sun.’

The Princess laughed and shook her head.
‘I think the victory’s mine.
I saved myself without thy help.
My hoof shall not be thines.’

‘Oh, Princess, Princess, be not so cruel.’
But she did not heed his plea.
She took her sword and flew away
and lived forever free.’

Oh, pony, pony, do not weep.
At least you still breathe air.
A pity you were not the knight
but rather the maiden fair.”

By the time the song ended, Sombra noticed that at least a dozen ponies had surrounded them. Few had thrown bits, and most focused their eyes on him. His stomach churned, and he kept his gaze on the drums, beating away while Blue Belle hummed brightly and began to play the final measures of the song.
“Her words strike a chord in you, do they not?” the voice simpered in his ear. “Does that pony remind you of someone else?”
Sombra growled under his breath and hit the final note on his drum, though a moment too late. Blue Belle and Ambersong gave him a look, but Sombra ignored them and settled back down onto his haunches while the gathered ponies stomped their hooves politely or tossed them some food or gems. Some giggled at the absurdity of Blue Belle’s song.
Sombra tilted his head lightly to the side, feeling the pop of a throbbing muscle in his neck.
He tried not to argue with the voice, but he couldn’t stop himself. I’m not that weak or helpless. 
“Truly? Didn’t Luna have to protect you from the unicorns? Isn’t she the one who has to chase away your dreadful nightmares? What have you done for her?”
Sombra shook his head. I helped her when the unicorns attacked the alicorns. I have worth. I’m...I’m strong.
“Not strong enough,” came the snort. “If you were, Luna would have asked you to join her in Canterlot. Didn’t you notice just how easy it was for her to leave you behind?”
Yes, yes he had noticed, but he had thought that was only because she had her duties and he had...he had his.
“Ha! What duties? Playing little ditties with your friends? Is that truly what you wish to do for the rest of your life? You have magic, now, Sombra, magic. You can be much more than a pony who receives cheap gifts for mediocre talents. Look at them. None of them respect you. None of them see you as the great unicorn who helped his beloved Luna, her sister, and the Queen. You’re nothing but the sad little stallion trying to play the hero to a Princess who can save herself. You’re unworthy.”
“No, I’m not,” Sombra hissed aloud.
“Sombra?” Ambersong questioned cautiously. 
Sombra looked up sharply, but the voice called to him again. 
“Can’t you see that they are laughing at you? They know how hopeless your star-crossed lovers’ fantasy really is. They mock you...despise you.”
Sombra staggered away and looked around at the ponies. He could hear their laughter ringing in his ears, their judgmental eyes burning into him. They hated him and thought he was pathetic, didn’t they? That was why they never let him, Ambersong, or Blue Belle join in their festivities. He and his friends were misfits, outcasts...unwanted and unloved. 
Sombra’s eyes stung with tears of anger and grief. He spun on his hoof, grabbing the drums up with his magic. Three traveled with him, but the fourth tumbled out of his hold and bounced until it came to rest beside a startled Blue Belle. The ponies started laughing harder and Sombra tried to shut his ears off to them.
“Sombra, wait!” Ambersong cried, but Sombra fled and galloped towards home. 
The laughter was still echoing in his ears when he thrust open the door with his magic and sent his three drums clacking to the ground. He started to pace the room, his head bowed. 
They were mocking him; he already knew they weren’t particularly fond of him. No, they despised him and wanted nothing to do with him.
“For now,” the voice told him. “But join with me, and you shall become more powerful than them all. There is so much that I could offer you. You could lead them…make them see the errors of their ways and teach them how to accept other ponies like you.”
“Yes,” Sombra murmured and rubbed his face. He could make the Crystal Empire an accepting place instead of one filled with ponies who hated those who did not glisten and shimmer as they did. He could be a leader to them, and then Luna would see the strength he really possessed.
He froze when the door opened, but he did not look to see who it was. The laughter had started up again, and he trembled with rage.  
“Sombra, what was that?” Ambersong demanded. “You almost trampled one of your drums, and you left amidst their applause.”
“What applause?” Sombra snapped and turned to face Ambersong. His friend placed the remaining battered drum next to the pile in the corner. “They were laughing at us…laughing at me. Why waste my time with them?”
Blue Belle set her case down slowly. “No one was laughing, Sombra. They giggled at the song, but that was all. They enjoyed our performance and wanted an encore until you…well.”
“They laughed!” Sombra shouted and pointed back towards the crowd. “They think we’re weak and pathetic. We should not have to play for their favor.”
Blue Belle frowned. “But…we like to play, and they…they enjoy our music…don’t they?”
“Of course they do,” Ambersong interjected quietly. He narrowed his eyes. “Sombra, what has gotten into you? You haven’t been the same since you returned from the crystal cave.”
Sombra snorted and stalked towards his room. “Perhaps I am seeing the world clearer now.”
“…you aren’t listening to the Nightmist, are you?” Ambersong pressed.
Sombra paused and looked back at him. “Of course not. Queen Gemfyre warned me what would happen if I let it distract and consume me.” He gave a laugh and glared at Ambersong. “Do you also think me so weak that I would succumb to an ethereal force?”
“I’m just worried,” Ambersong replied sternly. He put his flugelhorn away and rubbed the back of his neck. “You never used to talk or act like this. Have you…spoken to Luna of how you feel?”
Sombra didn’t reply. He didn’t need to worry Luna because there was nothing to worry about! He glanced at the door to their house and considered just leaving to let his temper cool.
Blue Belle fluttered and landed between him and the door. “Sombra, we just want to help.”
“I didn’t ask for it,” Sombra hissed at her angrily. “You always think ponies can be fixed with a smile or a hug. That’s not always the case, Blue Belle, and you need to grow up and see that! No wonder those bullies thought you were such an easy target! You’re a silly filly who doesn’t even know how to stand up for yourself, so other ponies get hurt trying to help you!”
“Sombra!” Ambersong shouted in rage.
Blue Belle’s eyes filled with tears. She whimpered and stepped back, her wings flopping down her sides. “I didn’t mean for it to happen,” she whispered.
Ambersong was at her side in an instant. He draped a hoof over her shoulders and shot Sombra a murderous glare. “I do not know what has gotten into your head, but you have no right to speak to her like that. What happened, happened long ago, and you cannot blame her for that anymore.”
Sombra wanted to yell at Ambersong. He wanted to throw the table or break the instruments, but the more he noticed the rage that consumed him, the more he grew afraid. He watched Blue Belle’s tears and heard the fury and hurt in Ambersong’s voice. Slowly, the fire inside him faded, and Sombra blinked a few times as if just coming out of a dream.
“Blue Belle,” he gasped. “I…I didn’t mean it. I was just afraid that the ponies didn’t like us, and I…I didn’t mean to hurt you.” He moved forward quickly, but Ambersong blocked his way. “I’m sorry,” he said around his crimson friend’s shoulder. “I’m so...so sorry.” 
Blue Belle scrubbed a few tears from her eyes and sniffled. “I don’t know what that cave did to you, but I want the old Sombra back.”
“As do I,” Ambersong agreed.
Sombra looked back and forth between his two friends and felt his throat constrict.
“They are turning against you as well. Either they do not recognize the greatness before them, or they are jealous of your magic.”
No, that’s not it, Sombra argued. They are my friends. They…they care about me.
There was a rumbling laugh in his head. “Then why do they ask for the old you to return? There is nothing wrong with you. They just fear you will become so powerful that they won’t be able to control you as they always have.”
“Stop it,” Sombra whimpered. “That’s not true. They wouldn’t do that.”
“Sombra?” Ambersong asked worriedly. “Who are you talking to?”
“Listen to his doubt,” the voice pressed. 
“Sombra?” Blue Belle asked this time.
“Sombraaa…”
“Sombra!” 
The voices clashed together, spinning around in his head and consuming him as parasprites did food. Sombra grabbed his face and tried to force them all away, willing silence into his mind, but the voices just grew louder and louder until he thought he would go mad.
“STOP!” he screamed and swung his horn. 
An emerald streak of magic flashed across the room, cutting through the table and vase, splitting his drums, and rendering the door a pile of ash not inches from Ambersong’s face. Sombra heard the shrieks of his friends as they threw themselves into a corner away from him. The magic poured out of him. He stood there, feeling his body drain and weaken. When he at last let he power ebb and saw the damage he had done, he fell to his hind quarters and just stared.
Their home was a complete disaster. Even one of the walls had been pierced by his magic and now dangled precariously to the right. Ambersong stood over Blue Belle, his nostrils flaring and his eyes widening with terror. Blue Belle just sobbed beneath him, trembling like a new born foal.
Sombra stared at them and panic swelled within him. I could have killed them…Sweet Celestia, I could have destroyed everything! He looked down at his hooves and lifted them, staring in abject horror. “What have I done?” he whispered.
Neither Ambersong nor Blue Belle spoke. Sombra looked at them again, and when he took a step closer, Ambersong ducked down over Blue Belle to protect them both.
“Look how he cowers. He will turn on you now.”
Sombra unleashed a broken cry and ran for the doorway. He leapt over the ash and tore across the Empire, his sobs wracking his body. Of all the worst possible things that could have happened, this was the worst. Never in his wildest nightmares would he have wished harm on his friends, and yet now they huddled in the home that he had destroyed. They would hate him now too, and it was less than what he deserved.
Tears raced down his cheeks and blurred his vision. He ran over the hills and saw a tan coat flash in front of his eyes. When he blinked again, he noticed Quill running for the entrance of the Crystal Empire with a satchel tied at her side. He paid her little more mind than that and looked to the shield that guarded the Empire. He bowed his head and ran through it, feeling more pain from the magic than pleasure. The tears still flowed by the time he reached the crystal caves and crept through the shimmering halls.
This had always been his sanctuary when he felt lost and alone, and despite the evil that lurked here, he could not just leave it. He needed this peace and quiet. He scrubbed water furiously from his eyes and walked down the long halls until he reached the one where he and Luna had fallen. The floor had rebuilt itself, and the crystals in the room shined brightly against his green magic. 
Sombra looked around until he found an image of himself, and only himself. There were no cape or metal, no coronet to rest upon his brow; just him. He stared at his familiar face and features, his mane and tail tangled and unkempt. Tenderly, Sombra pressed one hoof against the crystal and watched the stallion on the other side start to sob.
“What have I done?” he cried. “What have I done?!”
“There, there,” the voice returned. “Rest now. I will keep you safe.”
“You…” Sombra sniffed and spun in place. “You are the reason I am in this predicament. If it wasn’t for you, my friends would be safe!”
“I was not the one to fire upon them,” his tormenter reasoned.
“You put wicked thoughts in my mind...made me think the crystal ponies hated me. I should have never listened to you!” He made to leave, but he saw a flicker in the crystals again. He turned back to it slowly and found himself staring at the red-cloaked reflection. “Leave me.”
“But I cannot,” the figure said. “I am you, and you are me. I know what is in your heart, Sombra. If you would only join with me, then all the pain would go away.”
“I don’t believe you. You’re evil…a nightmare that taunts me.”
The figure tilted its head. “You speak so cruelly of me, and yet it is you who have come to me.”
Sombra gulped and looked around. Yes…yes he had come, but not to join the forces; he had only wanted to get away from the Empire and the damage he’d done. Yet, he could have gone to another cave. He didn’t have to be here with the voice. 
He sniffed hard and sat down slowly. “I’m so afraid.”
“Then sleep and let me comfort you,” the voice said soothingly and it began to change shape. As Sombra watched, the image in the glass changed to Princess Luna, her eyes gentle and welcoming. “Rest, beloved.”
“Luna?” Sombra asked. He walked towards her and touched the crystal again, but as he did so, his eyelids grew heavy. The world around him began to fade, and he slowly slumped down to the ground. 
As his eyes fluttered shut, he saw a dark face smile above him.