Dear Princess Celestia,
I have arrived safely in Ponyville, although the name is a misnomer. It is hardly a village. It is more of a hamlet. It should be called Ponyhamlet, although that might lead less educated ponies to believe it has a significant boar population. For their benefit and to avoid a misconception it should be called Ponydonklet to reflect its moderate donkey population.
As I was saying, I have arrived safely in Ponydonklet. Golden Oaks Library is cozy and has better insulation than the drafty castle library, but its selection is deplorable. I wish I could blame that on the locals borrowing the books, but that is not the case. Their familiarity with classical works aside, I also find myself feeling perturbed by the knowledge of anyone being able to enter my new home at any moment. I much prefer the privacy of my chambers in the castle.
Regardless, I will do my best to stay calm and continue studying. I know how important my education is to Equestria.
Speaking of my studies, I have completed my first assignment in Ponydonklet. As you requested, since I will be living here for this period of my education, I have made strides to become acquainted with the locals.
My first acquaintance met was a fellow unicorn named Rarity, a couturier, whom I have commissioned to fashion my public and private attire. She is posh compared to everypony else here and knew of my importance, but her accent was a dismal facsimile of the magniloquent, nasal tones of the Canterlot elite. I gave her an impromptu enunciation lesson while she took my measurements, but I fear the lesson gave her no benefit because she kept losing her composure.
She really should learn to focus more on her presentation.
Next I met an obnoxious pony named Pinkie Pie. She is an excellent baker, but my praise ends there. She's flamboyant, disruptive, and long winded. I wish I could say more about her personality, but even the locals say she is incomprehensible. She has a strange immunity to my mute spell and likes to throw parties.
I do not like her, but she thinks we are friends already. The word, "acquaintance", does not appear to be in her lexicon.
The only other notable pony is named Fluttershy, a competent veterinarian. There was an accident involving a surprisingly intimidating lapin. I won't point hooves, but her house was incinerated. Because of my involvement I have graciously offered Fluttershy the use of the guest bed while I'm paying for her home to be rebuilt. This arrangement initially seemed to work well because she is quiet and shy, but her stupid rabbit keeps pestering me. I'd kill it, but I feel I'd be crossing a line if another of her animals perished.
I am still hard at work on my assignments. I have nothing more to report at the moment.
Your brilliant student,
Twilight Sparkle
P.S. Shortly after arriving I devised this spell, which will allow us to be in constant contact, Princess Celestia. We may be separated by miles, but our minds can still be as close as ever.
Luna peered at Celestia over the top of the letter. "And this is the first of how many letters?"
"23, Luna, and that's a short one."
"She's only been there for three days! She's already managed to burn down a house, make an enemy, and leave a pony homeless!"
"Believe me, Luna, I kno-" Suddenly a wisp shot through a crack in the window. It collided with Celestia's horn and quickly materialized into another scroll. It shot forward and bonked Luna in the nose.
Celestia quickly recovered from the mild shock of the letter delivery and spoke again. Annoyance dripped like venom from her voice. "Believe me, Luna, I know."
"Even when she is away she still finds ways of disrupting our lives!"
Celestia grumbled under her breath as she picked up the scroll in her magic and roughly unfurled it. She read it aloud. "Something something, the Apple family charges too little for its apples and should be charging more, something something, legislation and regulations, something something, natural monopoly, something something, tastes like ragweed." Celestia tossed it over her shoulder into the fire. "I can't go anywhere withou-"
Suddenly, a wisp shot through a crack in the window. It collided with Luna's horn and quickly materialized into another scroll. It shot forward and jammed itself in Celestia's eye. "Son of a brutally violated lamprey! Gah! I think... Titty whackers, I think I have a paper cut in my eye!"
"You're fine, it's just vellum. It doesn't have a sharp edge."
"Says you, you just got it on the nose!" Celestia stamped her hoof in frustration. "What's it say? What was so important she had to send you a letter 30 seconds after sending me a letter?"
"What do you mean me? Why shouldn't she send me a letter, too?"
"Because you only know her in passing. You haven't spent the past 15 years as her mentor."
Luna fumed as she roughly opened the letter. "Well, then, perhaps she's wising up you're not as great as you think you are..." Luna paused as she read the first couple of lines of the letter. "... Never mind. I hate that mare."
"Why? What does it say?"
"Just read it for yourself."
Celestia grabbed it with her magic and quickly scanned her lopsided eyes over its contents.
Dear Princess Luna,
Today I learned a valuable lesson about boasting. I thought you might appreciate this story because it aligns with some of your past history. Perhaps you can learn from my example and help prevent future incidents from occurring...
Luna crossed her forelegs and glared."How does she know about that, Celestia? That was over 1000 years ago and it was a private dispute between you, me, the albino Raccoon Queen, and the heir apparent of the Octopus Lord."
"Uh... uh... Look, a three headed monkey!"
In a moment Luna blinked and Celestia vanished.