Equestria Fortress 2

by nightelf37


(LUNA) The Barbarian Queen (a.k.a. Meet The Dumpster Diver)

Once again, I created another LUNA chapter. Why? I just want to, and the Lunaverse is just awesome. This chapter is somewhat based on both MrPopulus89's Meet the Dumpster Diver and Fizzy Orange's Raindrops of Clan Drops, Barbarian Queen.

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"Alert! The enemy has taken our intelligence!"

It was nighttime at 2Fort, and LUNA was fighting RED in a Capture the Flag Match, but with added Arena rules. Things weren't looking good though as the mercenaries were dominating them. Pokey Pierce peeked out from the battlements only to get tagged in the head by the RED Sniper, getting sent away as a result.

The RED Scout, Heavy, and Medic were down at the front, having a field day. For some reason, the roof of the bridge was missing, but the Scout didn't think about that as he toyed with the Grenade Launcher dropped by the LUNA Demomare.

"Surrender now and you will not be harmed!" a voice called out to them from the BLU base.

The Medic gasped, frowned, then pointed at the left BLU entrance with a "Fess…" escaping his lips. The Heavy was just finished kissing Sasha as he said this and quickly readied himself. The Scout grunted as he turned to where he was pointing. Their expressions turned to bewilderment as they saw who was coming, or rather what she was wearing.

“Time to make like the rain and wash away the filth!”

It was the LUNA Soldier Raindrops, and she looked serious as always. However, there was something different about her loadout. Her main weapon was the Beggar's Bazooka, a crude rocket launcher made from pipes, mismatched handles and a filter held together with bolts, electrical tape, and various straps and belts. A funnel was attached to the end as a makeshift exhaust port. She also had a mangled yet still manageable sword, which she called Sun Drinker. There was also the standard shotgun.

Aside from the standard Soldier getup, which was colored dark blue, she also wore the Tyrant's Helm hat (a metal, viking helmet with two horns on its sides, the left of which is broken) in Ye Olde Rustic Colour, the Captain's Cocktails accessory, and what seemed to be hide of a lion over her clothes.

The three REDs' faces were mixed with the confusion of seeing a pony—known for being vegetarians—wearing animal hide and the hilarity of her getup in general. Finally, they decided to break out in laughter, performing their Schadenfreude taunts. Until the Scout was blown to smithereens by a rocket.

Now they knew she means business, and the Heavy decided to oblige by firing at her with Sasha. At his distance however, they weren't too accurate as Raindrops galloped across the bridge towards them. It didn't help that she was smaller than them by at least two or three feet. Halfway, she then launched herself in the air via rocket jump; she was the only pegasus who used and needed such jumps, as even Fluttershy—both EqU and probably the one back home—can ascend faster.

As Raindrops soared high in the sky, she loaded her rockets, aimed the launcher down, and fired a salvo of three straight down at the Heavy, who continued to fire even as the Medic fled.

As the rockets blew the big man to pieces, the doctor tumbled forward, then jumped straight to his feet while Raindrops quickly descended to the ground, rolling upon landing as she righted herself and aimed the shotgun at his head just as he aimed his syringe gun at hers.

Raindrops fired first—blowing off the Medic's head—and swerved her head as his dead finger pulled the trigger, shooting a syringe into her cheek when it might've struck her in the eye; one disadvantage ponies have over humans was that their eyes were bigger and thus more vulnerable to external elements. The syringe didn't hurt much as she removed it while entering the base.

As Raindrops flew across the corridors and into the courtyard, she found the RED Demoman drinking from his scrumpy. She decided to catch his attention by blowing it to bits. He turned to face her with an angry face and began to fire grenades at her, which she strafed. As she entered the courtyard, the two began to circle each other as she counterattacked with shotgun blasts. She also noticed the cursed sword called the Eyelander hooked up on his belt.

Once their clips ran out, they dropped their weapons and charged straight for each other. She swung a hoof, which landed on his face. He returned the favor with a fist, but didn't inflict as much pain. She finished off her attack with a buck, sending him flying for a second before he crashed into the ground and onto his face.

The Demoman got to his knees, turned his head with a scowl as he identified the skin of a mythical beast called a manticore on the LUNA pony and worn as armor, then—as he turned around back on his feet—unsheathed the Eyelander. Raindrops decided to accept his challenge by taking out Sun Drinker and holding it in her mouth.

"Who the hell do ye think ye are?!" he demanded.

"I am Raindrops, of Clan Drops, Barbarian Queen of the Northern Peaks! Student of the Cloud Sage of Moon Mountain and Savior of Daer’b!"

"Aye! And I am Tavish DeGroot, Prince of DeGroot Keep! Highland Demolition Man of Reliable Excavation and Demolition and the only black Scottish cyclops ye'll ever see in a long time!"

With inarticulate battle cries, one muffled by the sword handle in her mouth, they charged. The two exchanged blows, each time creating a shower of sparks. Finally, when the Demoman went for an overhead strike with all of his might, Raindrops let out another muffled battle cry and struck with all of her might. She swung with so much force that the cursed blade was sent flying before the surprised eye of the Scotsman.

His surprise grew tenfold when she—carried by her momentum—brought her sword around and stabbed him through the abdomen. The Demoman coughed blood as she slammed him into the wall, then pulled Sun Drinker out of his body. He fell down on his face, his eyes still open as he dropped dead.

Raindrops then made her way into the Intelligence room, after sheathing Sun Drinker and picking up her shotgun of course.

Making her way in, she decided to try pulling off a trick Blue Diary tried to teach her; running along the ceiling while keeping herself aloft with her wings. She couldn't do it though, so she decided to just fly close to the ceiling; hoofsteps were louder than footsteps at any rate. Even as she did that however, as she turned a corner, the RED Pyro saw her and began to charge forward, ready to fry her.

She didn't give him the chance as just before he was in range, she turned around so that her hooves were to the ceiling, then pushed off of them, sending herself straight for him in a speed greater than she could achieve from flight alone. She tackled the Pyro, then turned and bucked him straight for some fuel barrels, knocking them down and spilling their contents. She didn't bother to stick around as his flamethrower's pilot light set them alight and torched the masked mumbler; even he can't survive fire for long, it just protects him from burning.

Raindrops continued her search, finally recognizing the terrain and realizing that the Intelligence room was just around the corner, for real this time. As she reached it however, she heard the familiar beeping sound of a Level 3 Sentry Gun before she saw it and its Engineer next to the table where the briefcase was. She quickly landed her hooves to the wall, then jumped off of it as she barely dodged the bullets and rockets. As she landed on her feet once more, she also noted the cracks on the wall where she jumped off from.

Normally, she would require a Medic to keep herself healed up and deploy an ÜberCharge, but Lyra was down for the count and for some reason the 'copyspawn system' was glitching. She had also seen someone she did not expect; Prince Miche of the Kingdom of Levure. But what did he REDs want with him? No matter. She was going to rescue him, because he also happens to be her beloved.

Knowing what to do, she loaded her rockets until the launcher could hold no more, then—as she jumped out into view—launched them all at the Engineer, blasting him to bits before he could react and damaging the Sentry in the process.

Prince Miche was shaken for a bit, but was otherwise all right. Raindrops pulled away to dodge its bullets and rockets as she loaded another salvo, then—hoping another Engineer wouldn't show up—fired away.

Once the Sentry was blown to bits, Raindrops approached the briefcase and the Prince and was about to grab them when she sensed something. Before Miche could think of warning her, with only gut instinct for guidance, she delivered a solid buck—at an invisible RED Spy, sending him straight to the wall and ejecting the cigarette from his mouth. She wasted no time and blasted him with her shotgun, killing him.

Once the briefcase and the Prince were then secured on her back, she made her way out of 2Fort. Due to certain 'rules' set in the area by the Administrator, she couldn't just fly over the entire compound and therefore bypass most resistance save the Sniper. As she took off to the air across the river between the two bases, loading up rockets in case of pursuers, she heard a gunshot, and then it struck her helmet by the horn—and nearly grazed Prince Miche by the side.

While she was slow in her movement, that wasn't the case with her mind. Upon the bullet's impact, and sensing her beloved barely escape a dangerous hit, she turned around to the battlements where the RED Sniper was, then fired her salvo of rockets. They struck just below the battlements and blew them up, setting some of them on fire. As his platorm began to fall apart, the Sniper clung to one of the wooden bars to brace himself, but the rest of the structure finished him off.

Satisfied with her team's victory, she turned to face Prince Miche, took in his golden form, took a whiff of his delicious smell, took off her helmet, took him off her back, and took…a bite out of him.

“Oh, Prince Miche! I’m so happy to see you again!” she said, hugging the large loaf of bread, then taking another bite. "Mmmm! I was so worried!"

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Raindrops woke up with a start as a beeping noise woke her up. With a grunt, she punched—the broad side of a sword, which prevented her from smashing a nearby 'digital' alarm clock. As a red aura came from it and prevented her from pulling it back, she turned her head to the sword's owner.

"Whoa there, Raindrops," Blue Diary greeted. "Those clocks don't come cheap."

Tony then popped out from behind the doorway. "That was certainly a strange dream you had, Raindrops."

Raindrops finally remembered where she was. She was in the cargo box of the LUNA semi, en route to whichever team EqU wasn't occupied with. "Hold on. Strange dream?" she asked. "How would you know that? Do you have something that reads surface minds?"

"If you're talking about those cute glasses Trixie gave you once during that Oaton incident, as Blue Diary put it, then sort of. I have a device that reads your subconscious thoughts, but it only works when the conscious mind is…not. Anyway, I saw you rescue your loaf of bread along with the intelligence, and upon seeing your sword, I thought I should make it for you to use."

"You can do that?"

Tony gave a wide smile. "Of course!"

"And yet you can't make a version of Trixie's hat for her to wear while as a Spy."

"Sorry, but other than the replicas of your Elements of Harmony or that Pocket Lyramedic, we can't make new hats for some reason, except perhaps unlocking the option in your Customizers to not wear your default hats at all."

Raindrops put a scowl. "That's disappointing."

"Still, Sun Drinker looks like a very interesting sword. Could you come with me so I can replicate it?"

The jasmine pegasus turned to the white one, who gave a nod, then back to the tech expert. "…All right."

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This was just for crack purposes. Also, I LOVE Lunaverse Raindrops! See ya on Third!