Five Talon Window Punch
Sure, going through the front door might have been safer, but safety is for jerks and pussies. I flew up to her balcony, and it only took me three tries to find the right one. Not my fault they all look the same. Anyway, I could see her passed out on the bed, and the doors were locked.
I hate to admit it, but I left my key in the room, so I was locked out. Naturally, I did the best thing I could come up with in that situation: I put my fist through one of the glass panes and unlocked the door. Shouting her name didn't wake her up, but that sure did. I could have done without the screaming, I can tell you that much.
"Who's there?" She was wearing one of those sleeping mask things. No idea how she managed to put it on in her state, but it made her tumble out of bed and get some facetime with the carpet. I would have laughed it up if I hadn't been so keen on making sure no one else was in the room.
"It's me, Rarity!" I shouted. She finally lifted her blindfold and sighed.
"Why on earth are you breaking windows at this hour?"
"I left my key, but something bigger is going down!" I didn't have time for dumb questions. Her life was in danger, and it was my duty as her guard to at least tell her what was going on.
Instead of being, I don't know, worried or scared, she took one look at my talon and cringed. "Gilda, you need to get that cleaned up."
Sure enough, there were shards of glass lodged in my talon, and blood was already staining the carpet near my paws. Adrenaline numbs you to stuff like this, I guess. "No more talk until you sit in this chair and let me dress that."
I wasn't sure if this whole 'caring' schtick was the booze still talking or what, but I guessed there wasn't any harm in letting her fix me.
With a yawn, she pulled out the first aid kit and I flopped down on her bed. "Now that we aren't screaming at each other, what is it that made you punch the pane out of my Prench door?"
Now that I had calmed down a bit, I had to question what exactly I'd heard in that alley. I mean, I know what I heard! Someone or something is gunning for Rarity.
But... was it worth getting her all anxious based on something I wasn't meant to hear? Of course it was. She had to know. I could be the greatest bodyguard in the world (and I am), but still, I can't be everywhere at once. She had to keep a sharp eye out too.
"When I went around the back of the hotel to take a walk, I heard something."
She raised her eyebrows but kept focused on picking out the tiny shards of glass in my talon. "Is that right?" Rarity paused from her work and looked up at me. "So what was it? Someone's affair? A trade secret?" She still didn't realize the danger. Hopefully I could lay this out for her, plain as day.
"I heard that the arrow that hit Hoity was meant for you."
She withdrew slightly. "F-for me?"
"These two... things were talking in an alley. I wasn't close enough to see who they were, but they said that they'll get you eventually."
Rarity paused and looked at me like I'd just spoken nonsense. Now, I'd thought she'd freak out, panic, or at least do something! Instead, she laughed. Laughed! Can you believe that?
"Gilda, please." She kept wrapping my talon, like I hadn't just told her someone was trying to kill her. "I highly doubt anypony is trying to kill me. I'm a simple dressmaker. I'm sure my skills do inspire envy in some circles, but enough to drive one to murder?" She scoffed at me. It was almost enough to make me try to slap some sense into her.
"Look, I know what I heard, okay? And I heard someone plotting to kill you." I pulled my talon away from her magic, but she yanked it back. "As your bodyguard, I can't let that happen."
Finally, she finished fixing up my talon. I flexed it just to make sure I could still use my claws for something. "Get some rest, Gilda. We've got a full schedule of events tomorrow." Maybe she was so calm because she was one of those 'Elements of Harmony' or whatever. If I had to guess, she'd probably faced life-threatening danger before. Maybe I didn't give this prissy pony enough credit. Maybe I was so tired from keeping up with her today that I couldn't think straight. Either way, for the rest of her time under my protection, I'd be wearing her like a second set of down feathers.
Looks like Gilda was a bit more of a lightweight than I would have thought! Of all the silly ideas for her to get into her head! Yes, Hoity's attack was certainly unfortunate and a shame they didn't catch the perpetrator immediately. But to imply that my life was somehow in danger? That's preposterous. Much to my surprise, I only nursed a small headache due to my festivities last night. Gilda, however, looked like she'd partied harder than I had, though she'd only had a few drinks.
"Been thinking about last night?" I asked her. That sounded a lot more sexual out loud than it did in my head.
"You mean about the assassins coming to kill you?" Sarcasm. She was a pro. "You could say that."
"Come off it," I replied with a roll of my eyes. "I won't have you being paranoid through the rest of my events."
Gilda stomped from her bedroom to the foot of my bed as I continued my morning stretches. "Can you please take your life half as seriously as I am for five seconds?" The narrow shine in her eyes told me one thing pretty clearly. I suppose I could humor her. After all, it's only for a few more days.
"Fine." I huffed. "What is it you want me to do?"
She turned quickly back to her bedroom, where I could hear the rustling of a junk-drawer. "I want you to keep this with you," she said, reappearing and handing me a shiny silver object.
I grasped the object in my magic to examine it more closely before I realized what it was. "A rape whistle? You think someone is going to rape me?"
"It’s not just for rape! You can use it for other stuff, too!"
Ignoring the obvious question as to why she had this on her in the first place, I was compelled to ask, "So what do you want me to do with it?"
"In case we get separated at one of your parties or whatever, just blow it, and I'll come find you."
You know, it was kind of endearing how seriously Gilda was taking her duties when a scant few days ago she'd have probably tried to kill me herself. I smiled. "Thank you, Gilda. I suppose I should test it first..."
I gave it a good puff, and I swear by Celestia, the shrillness of that tone could have shattered every pane of glass in my suite! Miraculously, it did not. Gilda quickly pulled it away from my lips, but not before covering her ears. "Not here, princess," she snapped. "Save it for when you're actually in trouble."
Even though I knew nothing was going to happen to me at any of my social events, I figured I could humor her for the evening. I tucked the whistle into my dress and continued primping for a full schedule of functions.
It was at brunch that I received even more exciting news! With the exception of Gilda leering at everypony seated at my table, nothing out of the ordinary took place. That was when Avant Garde stood up and addressed the gathered icons again.
"Fillies and Gentlecolts, as we all know, fashion week here in the illustrious capital city of Equestria, is a time to showcase up-and-coming talent, as well as hot new trends from established names." He paused to look around before glancing at me. Even though I'm sure he preferred the company of stallions, my heart fluttered all the same! "Yesterday, you remember, I told you all of a hot young newcomer to the fashion world, a brilliant mind who's already accomplished a laundry list of achievements for Her Majesties. Ms. Rarity Belle!" He motioned to me, and I graciously stood for a moment, accepting my applause. One could say I live for it. "But, as we all know, our lovely fashion week has been marred by a senseless and savage attack on one of our own. The police are still searching for the assailant, but with him still at large, I'm afraid I've been informed that some events must be cut to ensure our safety."
A hushed murmur ran through the crowd before Avant settled them again. "Now, with that being said, the final fashion show has been moved to tomorrow night! I hope to see you all there!"
The rest of the day went by so fast. By the time I came back into the moment, we were in a chic, dimly lit restaurant enjoying a wine and cheese pairing from Prance. Gilda was beside me as usual, and so close I nearly asked if she just wanted to sit in my lap instead! Perhaps that was the wine talking. Nothing unusual happened here either, with the exception of Gilda excusing herself and returning to the table with a wine stain on her jacket. Again.
I've known Sweetie Belle to keep her dresses cleaner than this! Oh well, I suppose it can't be helped.
"How is it you manage to spill something on this jacket every time there is wine present?" I whispered to her, dabbing the spot with a spare napkin.
"It wasn't my fault! Some asshole bumped into me! I had half a mind to drag him outside and make him lick it off..."
"No matter. Just please be sure to give it to the concierge so he can have it pressed for tomorrow."
I gave up trying to remove the stain. It was set-in by this point. I turned back to my cabernet and cut myself a bit of brie on toast. Gilda could go swimming in wine for all I care. Tonight was going too well for me to let worries shorten my high times!
Finally we left that stupid wine and cheese thing. It felt like hours. Just a bunch of snobs sitting and talking about... I don't even know what. And just sipping their wine. It's alcohol for Syrell's sake, not poison! Gulp it down! And why would anyone want to eat squishy cheese and crackers for dinner? Rich folks are weird. Anyway, I was glad to not have to drag her back to our room this time, though she didn't do much sleeping when she got there.
After I secured the doors and windows (maintenance was pretty quick about fixing the one I'd smashed), I headed to bed. I figured Rarity would be just fine figuring out what dresses she wanted worn tomorrow. Maybe she was right. Maybe I was taking this a bit too seriously. After all, we spent a whole day wandering nearly all over Canterlot, with plenty of chances for a hit to go down, but nothing came. Not even a weird look from someone! Everything was just as normal as ever. I turned my jacket in to be cleaned and then put myself down for a cat-nap. I'm sure I'd be up just as early as she would be tomorrow, and I'd bet she wouldn't want me snoring through her fashion show or whatever.
On the bright side, this meant my last day babysitting was tomorrow. Silver linings.
By the time Rarity knocking around in the main room woke me, I'd missed breakfast. Just as well. I wasn't that hungry. I straightened my feathers and reached for my jacket before remembering it was still being cleaned. I stepped out of my room and into what I think madness must look like. Dresses were everywhere, fabric was scattered across the room, and pins and needles were on the floor. Thankfully, I could hover. "Did you get any sleep last night?" I asked.
"I couldn't sleep!" she nearly shouted at me. In the corner were fourteen empty large coffee cups. "I had too much to do! My dresses must be perfect! PERFECT, you hear me?!"
Yikes. Today was going to be loads of fun. I hovered over to the phone to check if my jacket was ready. As I did, there was a knock at the door. In a flash of magic, Rarity's unkempt mane, smeared makeup, and puffy eye were back to normal. And here it normally took her two hours to get ready! Unicorns are jerks.
My jacket would be ready by this afternoon, they told me as Rarity opened the door. It was that fashion guy from yesterday. Avant, I think was his name.
"Good day, Miss Rarity! I trust you've been excited about your show this evening?"
"Of course! I've got my selections narrowed down to the last six dresses."
"Lovely, my dear. Now, I don't mean to trouble you, but I have decided to extend to you a two year contract to put your designs into production immediately."
I could have picked her face up off the floor. She was stunned.
"Y-you... a contract? For me? But you haven't even seen my latest des—"
"Hush now, darling. If your past work is any indication, you will own the fashion world in a year, tops! Come down to the lobby bistro for a bit of lunch and to sign the paperwork. My assistant is waiting for us; we mustn't keep Jiles waiting!"
That snapped her out of her daze. "Yes! Just allow me to find something to wear." She shut the door and squealed nearly as loud as that whistle I gave her. "I did it! I'm a fashion mogul!"
"Okay, okay, congrats," I replied. "Just let me get my jacket, and we can..." Shoot. I forgot my jacket was still being cleaned! I knew that bistro had a dress code and were real snobs about it. Even to employees. "I don't want you going down there alone with that creep."
She looked at me like I'd just insulted her mother. "Avant is not a creep! He's eccentric with an artistic bent!" Just as soon as I thought I'd get a stern talking to about judging, she softened. "It's only to sign a contract. I won't even stay for lunch. I promise you I'll be back up here in fifteen minutes."
I wasn't happy about the idea. But I couldn't keep her. This was why she came to Canterlot in the first place. "All right... fine," I sighed. "You have the whistle I gave you?" I asked quickly.
"Yes, mother." She smiled, opening the door to the waiting stallion outside.
"I'm coming to look for you after fifteen minutes!"
"Do not worry. She's in safe hooves," he called over his shoulder. I glared as they disappeared into the elevator. Heading back into the room, I sat opposite the clock on the nightstand and took to sharpening my father's dagger. Let that clock get one minute past fifteen, Avant. I dare you.