//------------------------------//
// The Royal Treatment 
// Story: The Wandering Physicist Adventures 
// by WanderingPhysicist 
//------------------------------//

Main Characters: TWP, Luna/Selene, Twilight
Cameos: None
Original Write Date 10/02/2011





    A mysterious pony is flying over Equestria. It is a routine the pony tends to do every so often, visiting all of the different lands of Equestria. This night, it is traveling to Ponyville, something it has not done in a long time. Something is different this trip. The visitor is used to seeing one light on in Ponyville at this time of night. The lone light of the solitary night owl (no pun intended) studying away in her library home. This night, a second building is lit up. The pony is confused.
    The traveling pony lands on a roof between the two buildings. It listens with its amazing hearing. Both the library and the strange building have similar music playing. It is an odd music. While it sounds like it was very electronic, something like what kids call chiptone these days, the music is well-orchestrated and has many layers. The pony starts really enjoying the music until it is broken by a loud expletive.
    Following the expletives and knowing they are not coming from the occupant of the library, the traveler arrives at an odd shop. The second floor lights are on and the enjoyable music and vile swearing are both coming from the same source. The pony flies up to the window and secretly peeks in. A brownish pony with a black mane and wearing black-rimmed glasses is playing what looks to be an old video game featuring a pony in green swinging a sword. He is wearing a headset and appears to be talking to someone on the other end in between unreasonably loud swearing every time his avatar takes a hit. A glance around the room shows that it is full of gaming paraphernalia and items imported from Neighpon. This intrigues the mysterious pony more.
    The traveler once more takes to the sky and starts flying toward Canterlot. It had a plan in mind, and Princess Luna was ready to get to the bottom of finding out who that odd, new pony was.

    The next morning, Luna has returned to Ponyville. Instead of sneaking through the down at night, she enters the town the same way any visiting pony would, by walking down the street. Normally, a princess walking down the street in broad daylight would be met with countless stares, endless whispers and rows upon rows of bowing. But Luna came prepared. She is wearing a gift from another odd pony who frequents Ponyville. The gift is a perception filter, a device that causes anypony looking at the wearer to see an illusion that the wearer wishes. Luna had two such devices, one disguised as a pair of glasses and another disguised as a necklace. She wore both in order to fully mask her presence from even the most clever and observant ponies unless they were trying especially hard to see her. Luna chose to enter town as a pegasus with similar features and colors as her normal midnight blue alicorn self. It is the perfect disguise for a princess who wants to be in the middle of all of the action without any wise viewer knowing about it. She can even attend the Grand Galloping Gala without even her sister or The Elements of Harmony knowing.
    Luna makes her way towards the shop she found last night. It is located in a very interesting section of town. Mayor Mare once referred to it ‘the nerd district’. Luna did not know if it was meant as an insult, but she took it as a compliment, knowing that those commonly called ‘nerds’ and ‘geeks’ were more responsible for the advancement of pony technology and culture in her thousand-year absence than all other groups combined. Luna easily finds the shop in question once more and is not surprised that is a video game shop. She also notes the nearby indie music shop for a future visit. Given the hour of her late night ops the previous night, Luna checks to make sure the shop was open. Indeed it is. Adjusting her perception filters, Luna enters the shop.
    The shop is full of video games of all sorts. Luna gets a little excited to see some rarer titles she heard about. She also notices an entire section of consoles that look like they were made during her banishment. The odd pony she observed last night is at the counter playing a different game than before and fortunately not swearing this time.
    ‘Excuse me, shopkeep,’ Luna starts.
    The Wandering Physicist glances over towards Luna out of the corner of his eye, not even looking through his glasses. ‘Hey, Princess Luna.’
    The Wandering Physicist and Luna immediately freeze. There is nopony else in the store to hear what was said. Luna is immediately terrified that her disguise has failed and that all of Ponyville knows of her presence. The prospect of Twilight Sparkle knowing, thus freaking out, as the kids these days say, and telling Celestia is not something Luna wants. The Wandering Physicist is simply shocked that such an important pony was in his shop.
    Luna turns bright red in embarrassment. ‘Princess Luna? That is a nice compliment, but I am just a pegasus named Selene.’
    ‘You do know that once a perception filter is broken, the observer can see through your disguise.’
    Luna’s eyes dart. ‘I knew that.’
    ‘So, uh, Miss Selene, how may I help you?’
    ‘To be perfectly honest, I am here for you.’
    ‘Whatever Applejack said is a lie! I am innocent! Rarity and Twilight will vouch for me.’
    Luna is taken aback. ‘I haven’t seen Applejack recently... What are you talking about?’
    The Wandering Physicist’s eyes dart now. ‘Nothing.’
    ‘Hm. Anyway, I had heard about this shop and its interesting owner, and I felt that I must investigate.’
    ‘Is Miss Selene going to report me to Princess Luna as Miss Sparkle did to Princess Celestia?’
    ‘She really tells her everything...’ Luna grumbles. ‘Just observing you is fine for me, mister...’
    ‘They call me The Wandering Physicist, I...’ he starts.
    ‘Why?’ Luna asks.
    The Wandering Physicist is a little dumbstruck that he is unable to finish his line. After a second, he just snorts. ‘ Because I haven’t come up with a short nickname yet. Happy?’
    ‘Oh! Sorry. Did I ruin a line of yours?’ Luna blushes. ‘It has been some time since a handsome stallion paid me any attention.’
    The Wandering Physicist blushes bright red and looks away. ‘Um, well, then you should be okay with a normal stallion like me giving you attention.’
    The pair laugh at the weak joke. They stand there for a moment like a pair of foals not knowing what to say. Suddenly, The Wandering Physicist’s stomach growls.
    ‘Heh, heh. Sorry about that. I just got up and I haven’t eaten yet.’
    ‘But it is almost noon.’
    ‘That early?’
    Luna does not know if The Wandering Physicist making a joke and is a little surprised.
    ‘Well, uh, as my intent was to get to know you, how about I treat you to lunch?’ Luna offers.
    ‘Sounds good. Where?’
    ‘Wherever you would like.’
    The Wandering Physicist smirks. ‘Anywhere?’
    Luna narrows her eyes. ‘Why? What do you have in mind?’
    The Wandering Physicist laughs a bit. ‘To answer your questions with questions: can you teleport and how far?’

    Southern Coltifornia. The Wandering Physicist and Luna/Selene are in line at a fast food restaurant. Selene is glaring at the menu.
    ‘A garden burger place? Really? We travelled all of those kilometers for a garden burger place?’
    ‘Trust me. In-n-Out makes the best garden burgers. Ever. Of all time. I would know.’
    ‘Really? I have the greatest pony chefs in the world at the castle, and you say they will be outclassed by common fast food?’
    ‘Best thing you will eat in a thousand years. Trust me. I’m a physicist. I know everything.’ The Wandering Physicist says adjusting an imaginary collar.
    Selene considers sending The Wandering Physicist to the moon for the cheap shot, but it is their turn to order.
    ‘Yeah... I’ll take a Double-Double combo.’ The Wandering Physicist says right away.
    ‘Okay. And for you ma’am?’
    ‘Uh... I’ve never eaten here before...’ Luna smirks as she thinks she has come up with a plan to show this pony who is boss. ‘I’ll have what he’s having.’
    The Wandering Physicist picks up on the challenge. ‘In that case...’ He turns to the cashier. ‘Animal-style.’
    ‘Is... that okay ma’am?’
    ‘Sure.’
    ‘Neapolitan shake too.’
    ‘Uh...’
    ‘Bring it!’
    The cashier rings up the order. Luna pays, and the pair find a place to sit. The Wandering Physicist spins in his chair a bit as he waits for the food.
    ‘You are truly the most interesting pony I have met.’
    ‘And I don’t even drink hard cider.’
    Selene raises an eyebrow at the comment. The Wandering Physicist laughs to himself. Their number is called and the stallion gets the meal. The pegasus eyes it suspiciously. The Wandering Physicist is already drinking his shake.
    ‘This better be as good as you claim it is.’
    Selene leans in and starts taking a bite...

    Back at The Power Block, The Wandering Physicist looks up preorders for a customer. Selene is laying behind the counter moaning. The customer gets his information and leaves.
    ‘I told you not to go back for thirds.’
    ‘But it was sooooooo good. We are so getting one of those in Canterlot.’
    ‘Told you that you would like it.’
    Selene moans and stands. ‘So, uh...’ She begins. ‘Would you mind an extra set of hooves around the shop today? I can prove to be quite handy with an abacus.’
    ‘Commaredore 64s are over there.’ The Wandering Physicist replies, instinctively. Selene just stares back. ‘Oh. Sorry. Default reaction when someone mentions old tech. Well, that or bust out my Chromebook.’
    ‘You really are an interesting one.’
    Selene, takes a place by the counter to make her observations. Unlike when Twilight Sparkle visited the store, it is a relatively slow day. Perhaps because of that, The Wandering Physicist sets up an Atari 2600 on the main display, and an impromptu tournament of the available popular and two-player games is born, punctuated by The Wandering Physicist demonstrating Adventure, Pitfall, and even ET. The crowd gets engrossed enough with the tournament and demonstrations that they fail to notice Selene slipping out to raise the moon around dusk. After night settles in, the small crowd leaves and The Wandering Physicist begins cleaning.
    ‘That was quite a fun day.’ The Wandering Physicist says as he shuts down the system.
    ‘Very interesting indeed.’
    ‘Hey, since you treated me earlier, how about I take you out to dinner?’
    ‘That would be nice. Just give me a moment to freshen up.’
    ‘No prob. It is right in back there.’
    Selene enters a door but fails to see the marking on it. She lets out a loud scream as she darts out of the 18+ section. She is bright red. The Wandering Physicist notices and starts laughing.
    ‘I would have thought by your age you would be used to seeing stuff like that by now.’
    ‘Ha. Ha.’ Selene growls a bit as she finds the right door to go through.
    The Wandering Physicist goes back to picking up the display. Glancing outside, he sees a familiar face approaching. Twilight Sparkle nears the shop. The Wandering Physicist waves and opens the door for her.
    ‘Twilight Sparkle, what brings your here?’
    ‘I just stopped by to... Holy crow! Is that game what I think it is?’ She asks, noticing the ET cartridge in the Atari. ‘I thought that Celestia collected all of them and had them buried in the deserts past buffalo territory.’
    ‘That is just an old mares tale.’
    ‘So was Nightmare Moon and Sonic Rainbooms, but I saw both.’
    ‘Anyway, you were saying?’
    ‘Right. I wanted to cash in our little bet.’
    The Wandering Physicist groans. ‘You got lucky. Aquamentus used hacks in that first battle.’
    ‘You’re just jealous that I learned second quest better than you did.’ Twilight rubs her ears a bit. ‘I also learned to turn Skype down when you are losing.’
    ‘What? I was a total gentleman. That is total bulls...’
    Twilight shoves a hoof in The Wandering Physicist’s mouth and shakes her head.
    ‘Oh. Who have we here?’ Selene says from across the room, glaring slightly at Twilight.
    The Wandering Physicist looks from Luna to Twilight. He knows a potentially dangerous situation when he sees one. ‘Selene, this is Twilight Sparkle. Twilight Sparkle, Selene.’
    Twilight takes a moment to analyze Selene. Fortunately for Luna, the other alicorn cannot see through her disguise. ‘It is a pleasure, Miss Selene.’
    Luna is well-acquainted with Twilight Sparkle from their past adventures, beginning with Luna’s return as Nightmare Moon. ‘Likewise, Princess Sparkle.’ Selene trot over to The Wandering Physicist. ‘I hate to be rude, but we had plans.’
    Twilight steps back for a moment, embarrassed, but she decides to stand her ground. ‘Actually, the reason I came here is because Mr Wanderer owes me a dinner for losing a bet.’
    ‘Mr Wanderer?’
    Twilight gets a little defensive. ‘What? It is shorter than his full name, and it still has a hint of mystery to it.’
    The Wandering Physicist blushes. ‘You like a little mystery?’
    Twilight blushes too. ‘I love a good mystery. I could spend a lot of time with one.’
    Selene growls at the pair. ‘If you don’t mind me intruding, our mutual friend also owes me dinner tonight as well.’
    Twilight glares back. ‘I am sorry to disappoint, but he owed me for longer.’
    ‘Age before beauty then, Princess Sparkle,’ Selene sneers.
    Twilight growls at Selene and her mane starts getting a hint of red. The taller pony stands over the shorter one smugly. Behind the perception filter, The Wandering Physicist can see Luna charging a spell on her horn. The Wandering Physicist’s potentially dangerous situation is now a full-on thermonuclear war. Time Lord may be the masters of all of time and space, but they still have no clue how to handle the subject of women.
    ‘How about this!’ The Wandering Physicist quickly interjects. ‘Since I both owe you dinner, I treat you both tonight? It may not be as private as we would like, but it would give us all plenty of time to clear the air and enjoy each others company.’
    Twilight’s mane returns to its normal color. ‘I can agree to that.’
    Luna stands down under her disguise. ‘As can I.’
    The Wandering Physicist lets out a sigh of relief, but he knows the trouble is far from over.

    Dinner goes as smooth as one would expect. Selene and Twilight keep trying to one-up each other for The Wandering Physicist’s attention. Knowing that no matter what action he takes would lead to his death, the stallion went with the middle road option and tried to balance his favor. This would either lead to a quick death or allow him to live long enough to escape for a short while. Somehow, the two mares are satisfied enough not kill The Wandering Physicist yet, but they still seem ready to go at it at the drop of a hat. Fortunately, The Hat-less Physicist does not wear hats. Unfortunately, his companions do not seem to care.

    Outside of the restaurant after dinner, the three ponies are milling about. The two mares are on either side of The Wandering Physicist.
    ‘So...’ The Nervous Physicist starts.
    ‘So, Miss Selene, it is getting late. You probably want to start heading off before you get too tired.’
    ‘Actually, Princess Sparkle, I am good to go all night if I have to.’ Selene winks towards The Wandering Physicist. ‘All night.’
    The Wandering Physicist takes a step back from Selene and right into Twilight. The intense glare he receives causes him to duck a little to try and hide. Twilight sighs then softens a little.
    ‘Want to come over to my place and play some games? I am not too far from here and it would be a nice way to share a mutual interest.’ Twilight suggests.
    ‘Hmm. If we are going to do that, we should go back to The Wandering Physicist’s place.’ Selene counters.
    ‘Why is that?’
    ‘Well, he naturally has more selection, thus it would have more multiplayer games. You seem more like a single player person.’
    Twilight gets into Luna’s face. ‘What do you mean by that? Are you saying I don’t have any multiplayer experience?’
    Luna smirks. ‘If the horseshoe fits.’
    ‘At least I won’t play multiplayer with just anypony that walks past.’
    ‘What did you say!’ Luna starts preparing a spell to banish Twilight to the moon for a thousand years.
    ‘Uh... Excuse me...’ The Wandering Physicist interrupts.
    ‘What!’ Both mares snap at once.
    Slinking away once again, The Wandering Physicist says, ‘I don’t mind hosting both of you.’ Selene laughs. ‘But I think Twilight should pick the first game since it was her idea.’ Twilight laughs back.
    Having reset the nuclear clock back to two minutes to midnight, The Wandering Physicist sighs and starts leading the group back to the shop.

    Like dinner, the intended night of friendly gaming is another battlefield. Twilight and Selene both battle each other fiercely. When they are against each other, they only focus on the other, leaving The Wandering Physicist to pick up the pieces. When they are on the same team, the situation depended on whether you can target your teammates. If they can target each other, they eliminate each other endlessly throughout the match, leaving the Wandering Physicist to clean up the mess. If they cannot target each other, not even the gods of gaming themselves could stop them in the endless battle to one-up the other.
    As the night wears on, Twilight loses her energy. The Wandering Physicist notices this as his own energy starts to fade. As for Luna, the tales of the near limitless energy of the Princess of the Night have been basically proven. At the end of a round, Twilight lets out a big yawn.
    ‘I second that feeling.’ The Wandering Physicist moans.
    ‘But it is only just past midnight! I am not done pwning you n00bs!’ Selene protests.
    ‘Selene, give it a rest. We’re all tired.’ Twilight adds.
    Selene sits back in a huff. ‘Fine.’
    Twilight gets up and stretches. ‘I guess I should be going.’ She turns to The Wandering Physicist. ‘I will be seeing you around.’
    Twilight leans up close to The Wandering Physicist. She nuzzles his cheek, then, to the shock of all three ponies, she touches her horn against his forehead for a bit longer than a passing, accidental touch. Selene’s jaw drops to the floor and she makes an expression like she was smashed in the face with an anvil. The Wandering Physicist freezes in place. Twilight is blushing full red as she backs away. She takes a deep breath, gives The Wandering Physicist a friendly smile, and quickly leaves before she dies of embarrassment.
    After The Wandering Physicist unfreezes, he very nervously looks over at Selene. She calms enough to regain her composure. Luna uses her magic to remove her perception filters, letting her normal appearance out in public for the first time since she got up in the morning. She take a breath and looks at The Wandering Physicist and smiles.
    ‘So, shall we retire?’
    ‘Uh... I don’t mind taking the couch. You can have my bed.’
    ‘Aww. Are you afraid of older women?’ Luna giggles.
    ‘I am not as young as I may look.’
    Luna raises an eyebrow. She smiles again. ‘You are indeed interesting, good sir. Have a pleasant night.’
    Luna retires to the bedroom in the back. The Wandering Physicist gives a big sigh and starts trying to get comfortable.

    Morning light fills The Wandering Physicist’s gaming room. He is passed out on the couch, his left side is hanging off. Seemingly holding his right side on the couch, Luna is sleeping with her head on his chest. He stirs a little and tries turning over and accidentally kisses the princess on the cheek. He wakes, notices what he has done and promptly falls off the couch. Luna yawns and stretches.
    ‘Well, it looks like you know the proper way to wake a sleeping princess,’ Luna giggles.
    The Wandering Physicist stammers nonsense as Luna picks herself up.
    ‘It was quite the pleasure getting to know you.’
    The stallion nods in response.
    ‘Oh. And I believe I have an answer to one of your conundrums.’
    ‘Just one of them?’ The Wandering Physicist asks. ‘What is it?’
    ‘I think you’ll get it when it comes to you, James.’
    The Wandering Physicist looks at Luna, confused. Luna just giggles once more and teleports away. The Wandering Physicist looks around to try to figure out what just happened. He looks at the clock, sees it is still morning then lays down again and sighs.