I was walking on sunshine, baby! I had just met a cute new patient who was totally into me, was Celestia's personal student, loved Judy Blume books, and curbstomped Dr. Cox! She was my dream mare! I felt like nothing could dampen my mood. Now, it was time to check on her dragon, Spike was it? If I could heal her beloved friend, I was in! As soon as I turned the hall though, *SPLASH*. It was Janitor time.
"How's that for dampening your mood, huh? Or-or how's this one? It's a riddle! I know how much you love those! What's soaking wet and clueless? Your face!" The Janitor chuckled. "Overheard that one outside the town's library. Now, that was a crazy day. My mop decided to grow legs and run away. On a Saturday! For 15 years, she's only done that on Thursdays. Weird."
Exposition time. The Janitor is, well, a janitor, but that underscores the sheer evil and crazy that lies within. Ever since my first day when he had become convinced that a penny that jammed one of the hospital doors was mine, he has stopped to make my life horrible every chance he gets. His past changed every day; one day he'd have a father, the next day he'd be dead. One day he'd have a stepbrother who's older than his parents, the next a deaf sister. He's like The Joker, if instead of causing widespread anarchy and trying to kill Batmare, he spent his time harassing Robin with pranks. At the moment, though, I was more concerned with how he had read my mind.
"How-"
"Did I know you were thinking nothing could dampen your mood? C'mon, we've been over this. You're predictable, remember? And fun fact, I was once a rodeo clown. But instead of riding bulls, we rode parasprites. My best friend lost his head to one of those things. Tragic. The parasprite was cute as hell when she bit it off, but still."
"Interesting." I often drifted off during one of Janitor's lies. It was the safest route, and when you've heard one of Janitor's insane impossible stories, you've heard them all.
"Anyway, your face was red, so I thought it needed cooling down." Was I blushing? Crap! Play it cool, JD. Maybe the Janitor doesn't think it's because of a patient. "Soooo, you've got a crush on a patient huh?" Damn you brain! "Now, I'm gonna let you in on a secret. I'm a psychic. I know, I know, hard to believe. I want it kept on the downlow cause I like my privacy, y'know? Now, I'm going to see into your future!" I rolled my eyes. "Now," he began, rubbing his temples with his hooves, "I see you two getting together-"
"Really, Janitor? You think so? Thanks!" He rose one hoof to silence me.
"Silence! I was not finished! I predict you two getting together, but for a short period of two days! In which time she will find out that you are an annoying sissy stallion and will use her magic to blow you up, causing happiness throughout all of Equestria! Huzzah! Ding Dong the Sissy Stallion is dead!" Then to finish the effect, he dropped his hooves, shook his head vigorously, and staggered. "Wooh, man, that took a lot out of me. Look on the bright side. Maybe the nerdy sex will be good. And now someday, there'll be a celebration through all of Equestria that's all to do.... with youuuuuuuu," he sang out, patting my shoulder with his hoof and chuckling as he trotted away. I turned to him.
"That was a good musical! I am not ashamed of seeing it!" I shook my head at him, then as I turned, a pink pony was suddenly in my face! "Woah!" I yelled, tumbling to the ground. When I had gathered myself, I saw five ponies; an orange pony with apples on her flank and a Stetson on her head; a blue pony with a rainbow mark and a mane so brightly colored it could rival Celestia's; a yellow pony with cute little butterflies as her mark, who shyly used her pink hair to shield eye contact- awwwwwwwwww; a white pony with diamonds on her flank and a very well maintained mane- I'm positive I could see my own mane products in that hair; and last, that pink pony from out of nowhere with balloons on her flank and wild unkempt hair. She also had a mouth that ran faster than Kelso on Cupcake day at the cafeteria.
"I'msorrydidIsurpriseyouIdidn'tmeantowellnotthistimeanywayIlovethrowingsurprisepartiesbutthisisn'tapartyisitandwowdidmysurprisemakeyousweatthatbadnowI'mreallysorrybecausewhatifyouhavetopickupascalpelanditgoesslip!rightoutofyourhandsandintosomepony'sstomachhowwouldascalpeltasteanywaywouldittastelikeaplatebecauseI'veeatenplateslotsoftimesandonceTwilighthadtoshrinkreallysmallsoshecouldgetaplateoutorwasthatadreamwellanywa-," at which point the cowpony mercifully interrupted her.
"Yeah, basically, she's sorry for surprising ya." Now to most ponies, what the pink one had just said would be unintelligible, but I'm a pony who has dealt with both Elliot Reid and her former mentor Molly, both experts at fast talking. You just have to slow it down a bit. This is what she said at normal speed. "I'm sorry did I surprise you? I didn't mean to! Well, not this time anyway I love throwing surprise parties but this isn't a party is it? And wow did my surprise make you sweat that bad!? Now I'm really sorry because what if you have to pick up a scalpel and it goes *slip*! Right out of your hands and into somepony's stomach! How would a scalpel taste anyway would it taste like a plate because I've eaten plates lots of times and once Twilight had to shrink really small so she could get a plate out or was that a dream? Well, anywa-"
Now, in response to the cowpony, I said, "Yeah, I caught that," and then I faced the pink pony. "And no, this is not a party, this is water, not sweat, I'm a doctor not a surgeon, and I have no idea what a scalpel or a plate tastes like."
The rainbow pony looked impressed. "Wow, it takes most people weeks to understand Pinkie Pie."
I shrugged nonchalantly, but inside I was thinking, these ponies are impressed by you! Impressed! When was the last time a patient or her visitors thought you were cool? Be smoooooooth. "I've known plenty of motor mouths in my time. Now, I believe she mentioned Twilight in there somewhere, I assume you're here to visit her and Spike?"
The white pony leaped into 'drama queeeeen' mode. "Oh yes, dear, we are dreadfully worried abut dear old Twilight and poor little Spikey-Wikey! We came as soon as we heard!" Unlike most 'drama queeeeeen' visitors, who acted like this to put the attention on themselves instead of the patient, I could tell by her eyes that she actually was dreadfully worried about her friends. As if the pink pony wasn't weird enough.
Anyway, I decided to give them a hoof. "Well, I was off to see Spike right now, so if you'd like I can take you there right now, then when you're finished with him to Twilight's room?"
The cowpony nodded. "That'd be mighty kind of ya. But look at us, being so rude to the doctor helpin' out our friends. We haven't introduced ourselves yet. I'm Applejack."
"Rarity," the white pony said with a roll of the tongue.
"Pinkie Pie's the name, parties are my game!" was thankfully all the pink pony had to say.
"Rainbow Dash, Best Young Flier in Equestria. Maybe you've heard of me?" I pointed to my horn and she embrassingly realized unicorns usually don't keep track of flying tournaments.
"Um, fluttershy." Ah, she was one of those shy quiet types. Many patients have a fear of doctors and/or hospitals. I've found the best way to disarm them is with a joke and a smile.
"Intimidated, huh? I understand. Who wouldn't be? I mean, just look at this manly hairstyle and my fearsome one-pack abs."
She let out a small laugh at this, and said, a little louder, "I'm Fluttershy." The other ponies looked at me with respect for managing to bring Fluttershy out of her shell a little while still being polite. Nice, I'm already in with the friends. Won't be too long before Twi is all mine.
"Well, it's nice to meet all of you. I'm Doctor Dorian, but my friends call me JD. Let's go check on Spike. I'm sure he can't wait to see all of you." With bright faces, they all followed me to Spike's room, where Elliot and the dragonology expert were just finishing up. We waited until they walked out the door. Dragonology expert(nopony knew his name) immediately walked the other direction, but Elliot stopped to talk.
She smiled. "Hey, JD! Are these Spike's friends? He went on and on about you guys." They beamed in return. "He's also really worried about Twilight, so please reassure him, ok JD? He's such a sweetheart."
"Will do!" I exclaimed with a mock salute before me and Spike's friends entered his room. He immediately sat up at the sight of me, concern on his face.
"You're JD, right? Is Twilight okay? Please tell me she's okay!"
I held up my hooves to calm him. "She's fine, Spike. She was worried about you too, but thankfully I can tell her you're doing great."
Spike sighed in relief. "Yeah, I just have some broken ribs. My scales kept me from too much damage, and apparently my dragon healing should get me out of here in no time." Rarity practically jumped at Spike, glomping him.
"Oh, Spikey-Wikey, I was so worried! And how valiant, to think of Twilight before yourself!" Spike's face grew red, but whether it was from his blood circulation being cut off or from being so close to Rarity, I wasn't sure. I stepped in.
"Um, Miss Rarity? Broken ribs, remember?" She blushed as she let him go, the others chuckling at the display.
"I knew you'd be alright, Spike! You're a fighter all the way, my dragon!" Rainbow gave him a hoof bump.
"It's mighty nice to see you a-ok, Spike. I was worried sick," Applejack put in.
"It's great you're feeling great, Spikey! And since you'll be out soon, I can set up my surprise 'Welcome home, Spike!' party. Ooops! Except it's supposed to be a surprise,silly me. Just erase that from your memory, ok?" Pinkie Pie, who else, explained. Spike smiled.
"I'm glad you're feeling well too, Spike. Are the doctors treating you well?" Fluttershy asked. Spike nodded vigorously.
"Oh yeah! The dragon doctor guy didn't say much, but Dr. Reid was hilarious! Man, she's the only pony I know who has just as weird stories as Pinkie Pie! And she's kinda neurotic, but really nice. She's like if somepony put Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy into one pony!" He chuckled for a bit, before he continued with a smile still on his face, "Now guys, it's great that you all were so worried about me. But I'm sure Twi can't wait to see you guys, just like I couldn't! I'm fine, so go check on her and give her a big hug for me, ok?" Most of them nodded, with Pinkie giving a completely serious salute.
Unfortunately, I could not go to Twilight and give her that hug, as I was saddled(Dr. Cox was right, pony puns are fun!) with Spike. Though he did seem like a cool dude, and maybe he'd put in a good word for me when he saw Twilight again. In any case, I made sure that the mares were ok. "Now, I gotta stay here and check on Spike. Are you girls sure you can find Twilight's room?" They all nodded, and as they left the room, I didn't even think the words 'what could go wrong', that's how positive I was that they wouldn't get into any trouble. But of course, things went wrong anyway.