//------------------------------// // Chapter the Eleventh // Story: The Nine Trials // by InspectorSharpWit //------------------------------// Chapter the Eleventh, or “In Which We Play the World’s Smallest Violin” “Sebastian…” a voice coos from far away. “Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey…” I blearily open my eyes to see a certain chaos god grinning expectantly over me, his eyes glistening with excitement. “What do you want, Discord?” I groan. “Aw, is that the best you got?” He pouts. “After all we’ve been through?” I sigh in exasperation and put on the most obviously forced smile I can manage. “Why Discord, how lovely to see you!” I hiss through my teeth, my voice dripping with venom. “Hmmm… I suppose that’ll do for now,” the old man shrugs, walking away from my bedside. “Anyways, how are you feeling?” “Oh, you know, just survived a complete hell-house,” I smirk. Looking down at my arms, I feel a slight twinge of annoyance. “Why am I still missing my hand?” “I knew I forgot something!” Discord exclaims, hitting his hand against his forehead. With a snap of his fingers, a white Mickey Mouse glove pops out of the white walls and walks over to me on its fingers. “Just slip it on and tug it off, and you’ll get something back!” He assures me. I warily pick up the glove and put it around my handless wrist. Deciding to get it over with, I close my eyes and pull it off with a surprisingly loud *pop*. I glance over to my hand, only to reveal a large lobster claw had grown in. “Discord…” I growl in annoyance. “Oh, you’re no fun,” he huffs before snapping his fingers again. In a flash of white, the lobster claw is replaced by my normal hand. “You happy now?” he asks in slight annoyance. I stretch and wiggle my fingers around, making sure that they still work. “I suppose I can’t stay mad at you now,” I admit with a slight smile. “Good!” The chaos god says jovially. “Now, ON TO THE NEXT TRIAL!” Without a moment’s warning, I find myself being strapped to my bed from my arms and legs. With a sinister smile, Discord conjures up a remote control and pushes the center button, causing the bed to lurch forward at an alarming speed. I have just enough time to let out a bellow of anger before slamming straight into the pure white wall- I wake up with a start, still startled by the course of events. After making sure that I was still in one piece, I take the opportunity to look around my surroundings: A cramped, gaudily-colored apartment, its floor littered with soda cans and take-out boxes. I grumble a bit before walking across the hall, where a small, grimy looking mirror had been hung from the wall. Peering into the looking glass, I’m slightly disappointed to find out that I had no real changes to my appearance other than my hair being slightly greasier than usual. With a sigh, I stagger to the kitchen, shivering slightly as the cold linoleum is pressed against my feet. “I gotta say, I’m slightly disappointed right now,” I smirk. However, it’s surprisingly the sound of my voice that throws me for a loop. What the hell? I sound like something out of an eighties’ cop flick! With a scowl, I make my way to the grimy refrigerator, where a small and torn calendar is hung by a magnet. Hastily scrawled onto the current date (that I somehow mysteriously know) are the words “Job Interview”. Job interview… I guess that could be somewhat interesting, I think dejectedly to myself. However, one last glimmer of hope caught my eye: A literal glimmer of gold on the table. Curious, I shove some papers and trash off to reveal a gleaming police badge, brightly polished and maintained. “I wouldn’t put that on, if I were you,” Discord’s voice said warningly. I turn around to find the demigod lounging on the previously empty sofa, wearing an almost blindingly pink blazer and pure white pants. "It’s kinda supposed to be a secret, hence you hiding it,” he went on to explain, casually making his way through the trash on the floor. “What do you mean, secret?” I ask, trying hard to ignore my increasingly obvious Jersey accent. “Who’d care if I was a cop?” “Several people, due to the fact that you’re an under-cover cop,” Discord smirked. He snatched the badge from my hand and threw it to the other side of the room, where a safe spontaneously formed around it. “See, right now you’re going to try to infiltrate a crime syndicate, and the only way you do that is through initiation.” “What’s the initiation?” I ask cautiously. Discord grins. “I think you’ll connect the dots by yourself,” he teases. “In the meantime, you should get ready for the day. You don’t want to screw up on the big job interview, do you?” With that, Discord snaps his fingers and teleports in a flash of white, leaving me alone in the grimy apartment. Deciding it would be better to just look for the clues myself, I walk to the closet, where I find a smart looking suit and tie. On the suit is a sticky note with the words saying “Borhab Bay, 11:00.” I look up at the wall clock to see that I had about half an hour to get to the bay, so I put on the suit and walk over to see how it looks in the mirror. Surprisingly, it only makes me look like more of a street thug rather than doing anything to clean up my appearance. Well, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em, I think to myself as I slip on a pair of sleazing-looking shades. Still feeling like something was missing, I look aimlessly around the apartment until a dull glimmer caught my eye. I stride over to find a large revolver lying on the ground, buried under all of the refuse. I check the barrel to find that it was fully loaded, the bullets shining with a dull gleam. Better this than nothing, I think to myself as I slip the gun into my coat pocket. Feeling satisfied with my materials, I stride towards the door, whistling a tune as I walked down the hallway. ------- I step outside the grungy apartment complex with an almost forced confidence, as if my body was just trained to push out my chest and give people threatening looks. I somehow automatically recognize my car, a 60’s style red convertible. Deciding to just go with what my gut was telling me, I hop into the driver’s seat of the car, only to remember that I didn’t have any car keys. With a sigh, I open the door to get out, only to suddenly feel the keys press up my leg. I suppose Discord’s doing his best to make this work, I smirk as I fish the keys out of my dress pants. I pull them out and slide them into the keyhole, and turning them gave a nice satisfying growl out of the engine. Grinning, I pull out of the parking lot and begin my drive to wherever the hell I was supposed to go, letting my hands do the work rather than put any thought into the situation. After a twenty-minute drive, I reach my destination: A broken down abandoned shipyard, algae and rust completely dominating the scenery. I could barely make out the words “Borhab Bay” from the rust-covered sign, but it appeared that the “No Trespassers” warning had only recently been placed. You know, this place just gets dirtier and dirtier the more I get to know it, I sigh as I drive past the signs. Somehow, I decide to steer the car up to a particularly old warehouse, where a deep green car was parked outside. As I park, I glance into my back mirror to see a fat balding man with a leather briefcase waddle over to my car. “Sebby, ya made it!” He said jovially, sticking his grubby hand through my window. I bite back the urge to tell him not to refer to me by that blasted nickname. Instead, a grin spreads onto my face as I took his hand and shook it firmly. “How ya doin’, Joe?” I asked, somehow pulling the name out of a hat. “Doin’ great, no thanks to your stinkin’ ass!” he chortled, slapping me on the back. “Now c’mon, we’re still waitin’ for your partner to show up!” I step out of the car and follow the old man inside the dank warehouse. “So, who is this guy anyways?” I ask curiously, twirling my keys around my fingers. “Anyone I know?” “I thought I explained it to ya already, ya moron!” he says in fond exasperation. “This job you’re up for requires ABSOLUTE SECRECY! Ain’t nobody on here any acquaintances of yours, I’ll tell you that much! That’ll make sure that in case one of yous gets caught, you ain’t gonna squeal on any of your business partners, capiche?” I find myself admiring such a simple yet effective plan. “I get it,” I nod. “Good. Now where’s your wig?” I balk at the seemingly random question. “Uh…” “Don’t tell me ya forgot your wig, you knucklehead!” Joe groaned, punching me on the arm. “Lucky for you, Papa Joe’s always got a spare!” He pulls out a cheap silver wig from his briefcase and places it roughly onto my head. “There ya go! Now no one’s gonna to recognize ya, see?” There was something about Joe that made it easy to take his abuse. “Whatever you say, I just want to see this partner of mine.” A sly grin slips onto Joe’s face. “Oh, you’ll wanna see her, alright,” he assures me, waggling his thick eyebrows. “She’s as pretty as a pearl, sharp as a tack, and deadly as the Plague!” I raise my eyebrows in interest. “I didn’t know you’re hiring chicks now, Joe. Ain’t you a little old to be chasin’ secretaries?” “Hey, these gals are the crème de la crème of the business!” He chortled. “Just cause they’re chicks don’t mean they ain’t good for nothing! Truth be told, you’ll be the only guy on the squad for this job!” I feel a wolfish grin spread across my face. “Well, now I’m DEFINITELY interested!” “Now Sebby, I want ya to be on your best behavior,” the old man says in a mock stern voice. After all, these ladies are hired to do business, not to get knocked up!” “I’ll try Joe, but you know me and the ladies,” I warn him. We stand by the entrance of the warehouse, waiting for my “partner” to show up. My mouth goes on autopilot, making small talk with Joe while I try to make sense of what was going on. What exactly is this job, anyways? Am I going to have to rob a gas-station or something? Who exactly is this chick going to be, anyways? Just someone that Discord created? If that’s the case, where did the girls go? I’m shaken out of my thoughts when a lavender buggy pulls up to the warehouse parking lot. A woman in a black suit and purple tie gets out, her shades obscuring her face. However, the dead giveaway was her hair: Long indigo locks with a streak of purple and pink down her bangs. “Miss Twilight!” Joe calls out in his jolly voice. “Come over here and say hello to Mr. Silver!” As Twilight approaches us, I notice that there was something weird about her. Instead of her hair looking natural, it also looked like it was a cheap wig, almost as if it were bought from a party store. “This is the guy?” she asked, obviously not impressed. “Hey, don’t underestimate Mr. Silver! Sure he ain’t much of a thinker like yourself,” he teases, “but he’s got a way with words, if ya catch my drift!” Even her dark shades couldn’t hide the obvious eye-roll she gave me. “Whatever, let’s just get this over with,” she huffed before walking over to my car. I lean over to Joe. “She ain’t much of a people person, is she?” I ask jokingly. “Sure, she ain’t the social type, but the girl knows numbers like the palm of her hand. We need geniuses like her to crack that code they’ve got in that vault of theirs!” I roll my eyes as we begin to walk towards the car. “So that’s what me and her are doin’ today? Just a simple bank job?” “It ain’t so simple, and it ain’t no bank job,” Joe assures me as we reach my car. He waited to make sure that Twilight (or MISS Twilight, or whatever) was paying attention. “Alright, here’s the scoop: You two will be headin’ over to pick up a guy who knows a little too much, a certain Marvin Snitch, from his house about three blocks away.” He hands me a photo of the guy along with a sticky note with directions on it. “All you gotta do is pick him up, get him over here, rough him up a bit, and make sure he don’t get anyone’s attention, you got that?” “Um, excuse me, but what does this have to do with the job you offered me?” Twilight asks in an anxious schoolgirl manner. “This is to see how you two handle stress together,” Joe explains. “See, I’m plannin’ for the pair of you to be working on the job I have in mind, but I gotta see how you work as a team, you got that?” Apparently satisfied with the explanation, Twilight hops into the car and looks at me expectantly. “The car’s not going to start itself, you know,” she says sarcastically. Joe chuckles at her joke. “Give him time to catch up, Twilight,” he grins. “He ain’t on the same IQ plane as you are.” He pats my back and waddles off to his green car, giving us a wave as he drives off. A small cough makes me turn around to find that Twilight was getting quite impatient with me. “Well, we don’t have all day!” She says in an exasperated tone. I chuckle and get into the car. Slipping my key into the slot, I pull out of the driveway of the warehouse and make my way to our destination. ----- “Sooo… Wanna get a burger?” I ask awkwardly as Twilight and I sit outside of a small apartment complex. “My treat.” “We’re working right now,” Twilight says dismissively, not even looking towards me as she watches the driveway like a hawk. “No distractions.” “C’mon, we can’t work on empty stomachs!” I point out. “Besides, that guy hasn’t come out yet, and we’ve been waiting for an hour!” “It’ll take too long!” Twilight groans, still staring intently out the window. “I mean, do you even know if there’s a food place anywhere nearby?” “There’s a McDonald’s right across the street!” I say incredulously. “I can get our order and be back in five minutes max!” “Fine, do what you want!” Twilight groaned. “Get me a Quarter Pounder, will you?” “You mean a Royale with Cheese?” I grin. “Just go get the food!” She snarls impatiently. ----- “Alright, back,” I announce as I drop the McDonald’s bag between our car seats. “Anything happen yet?” “I think he’s getting out right now,” Twi responds without looking at me. “What took you so long?” “I think they might have been robbing the store I was just in,” I shrug as I rummage through the bag for my order. “By the way, they were out of Quarter Pounders, so I just grabbed something from a burger shack nearby. It’d called a Big Kahuna Burger or something.” “Fine, whatever you say,” she says absentmindedly, pulling her order out of the bag without even looking at it. However, her eyes widen as she takes her first bite. “Mmmmm… This IS a tasty burger!” She exclaims, looking at me for the first time. “Damn it, I should have gotten one!” I sigh as I look at my disappointing meal. “This burger’s sagging…” Suddenly, a little *ring* catches my attention. I look past Twilight to see that our target had just left the building. “Oh shit, he’s out!” “WHAT?!” Twilight screeched, spitting out part of her burger. Seeing that I had been telling the truth, she wipes her mouth and whips out her gun out from her coat pocket. “Oh God, let’s do this quickly!” She exclaims, stepping out of the car. I sigh and follow my partner, trying to keep my cool. However, our target apparently realizes what we were up to, and he begins to run in the opposite direction. We in turn, give chase, managing to corner him in the alley. “Whoa, Marvin, let’s chill out here,” I warn him, showing him my revolver. “We don’t want any trouble, we just want to talk, alright?” “Bullshit!” He cries, sweat dripping down his dark skin. “Y’all about to shoot me up for snitchin’!” “No Marvin, we just need to talk,” I insist calmly. “Just come with us, nice and easy, alright?” Marvin hesitates before reluctantly following me, his hands put behind his head. Twilight points the gun at him, her hands shaking as she slowly points him towards the car. I smirk at Twilight’s antsy actions. “First time out in the street, huh?” “Let’s just get out of here before someone sees us!” She hisses as we reach the convertible. “Turn the ceiling up so we can cover up better!” “Fine,” I sigh, and I flick a switch that pulls up the canvas. As I drive the car out of the apartment parking lot, I try to lighten the mood of the tense situation. “SO, it was a real blessing that we made it out, huh?” I smile weakly. “I don’t believe in God,” Twilight replies tersely, still pointing the gun at Marvin. “It never made sense to me.” “What? Bull, I believe that God’s everywhere, you know? What do you think, Marvin?” Our hostage stammers a little before answering. “I-I-I don’t know…” I grin at his nervousness. “C’mon, you’ve got to have an opinion-“ *SPLAT* A large bang rings through the air, causing me to swerve off the road. I feel a thick liquid ooze down my neck, and a nauseating smell had filled the car. “WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?!” I demand. “Oh man, oh man, oh man…” Twilight squeaks over and over to herself. I touch the back of my neck and look at the liquid, revealing it to be blood. “I REPEAT, WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?!” “I accidently shot Marvin in the face,” Twilight says quietly. “WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!” I roar at the violet-haired murderer. “It was an accident!” she pleads. “We hit a bump and my finger slipped!” I swallow a nasty retort and try to focus on what to do next. “Well… We’re going to have to tell Joe what happened…” “NO!!” Twilight screeched. “He’ll kill us both!” “Look, we were supposed to shut the guy up anyways, and we sure as hell shut the guy up!” I say tersely. “Let’s just tell Joe what happened and call it a day, shall we?!” Seeing no other course of action, Twilight sighed. “Ok…”