“No animals allowed.”
I raised an eyebrow suspiciously. Wait, how aren't animals allowed? I went on the bus earlier without a problem, so what is this mongoloid talking about? And who the hell is he calling an animal? I ain’t no animal! Yeah, I walk on four feet, but so does babies. Are they animals? No!
“Why can't we go on for?” I asked.
“Animals and pets were never allowed on buses. Nothing has change,” the bus driver replied as random people started to exit the bus.
Funny, I remember taking my parrot on the bus one time. Yeah, B.J. was the head of my upcoming pets. Pretty weird name, but I have a weird name too. You see, the thing that matters the most is he died from an over dosage of bread. R.I.P little guy... he should have never swallowed so much…
Maybe parrots are different, maybe they ain't. But, I know something definitely changed because I was on the bus earlier today with any problems, but out of nowhere this guy is proclaiming ponies aren't allowed. What the hell?
I frowned. “Wait, I went on this bus earlier today, so you betta have legal documentation that says we can't come on...”
“Yeah, what’s up with that? Is this even legal?” Shawn wondered.
“No, I don't want any of you things on my bus. That was my choice, not anybody else’s.”
My right eye twitched. “Who the fuck are you calling a thing?” I asked with venom in my voice. Heh, weird calling this my voice. Whatever, I don't even want to watch that. All I know was I was trying my best to be polite, but he called me a thing. That is tough, know what I’m saying?
Shawn put his left forehoof on my shoulder. “Kaise, calm down…” Shawn whispered. Shawn sighed and glared at the bus driver. “Who the fuck are you calling a thing? And when did you bus drivers have the prerogative to decline what type of people can come on the bus? Take me to your leader! Oof!” I elbowed Shawn in the gut, making him shut up. And I’m the ignorant one? Ha.
The bus driver scowled. “Since whenever. And you ponies aren’t really ‘people’. You have no right to be on this bus.”
“Look you hippo, did you ever hear the saying 'if it speaks and has money, its business”?” His eyebrows rose up. “Nah, you probably haven't because I made that up.” I snickered. “All seriousness though, a saying like that is true. We have metro cards, we can talk, and we used to be humans. You know what I'm saying? We're living beings with business and shit,” I turned towards Shawn to ask for affirmation. “Something like that, right?”
Shawn nodded. “You took the words out my mouth. We’re sapient beings!”
“Look pony, I don't give care what the MTA says; you're not getting on my bus and that's final.” He clenched his fist together.
“You know we can report you for this, right?” Shawn said in an irritated tone.
He shrugged. “You can report me how much you want, girlie, but the fact is that no one cares about you freaks. Hell, I'll give you the number.” Man, they act like they don’t care right now, but he finna start suffocate on his tears once he loses his medium wage job.
Shawn smirked. “But, people are continuously turning into ponies. What will happen when all your passengers turn into ponies?”
“Better question is, what you gonna do when you turn into a pony?” I added.
He tried to manage a smirk, but you could see the stretch marks on his raggedy cheeks. He know he is hiding his anxiousness. Sure, he might take the W and go away, but he knows we got him stunned with those scenarios.
“We will make sure no one bangs with your bus again. Consider your crack… smoked.” I snickered. I bumped Shawn in the arm. “Right Shawn?”
Shawn didn’t reply, but was staring at the bus driver in awe. “Um, I don’t think you’re from the MTA.”
“Are you serious? Of course I am, can’t you see the shirt?” he pulled the breast pocket on his shirt for emphasis.
“Uniforms can be deceiving. Can I see your card?” Shawn frowned.
“Uh…” He glanced around the bus.
Shawn frowned. "I thought your I.D. was in your pocket? Jackass."
The bus drive flipped us the bird and shut the doors to the bus. He then drove off and left us in the dirt to squirm. I scowled and turned towards Shawn. “What was that all about?”
Shawn sighed. “I don’t know yet. But, I have a feeling calling won’t do anything.”
“Why not?”
“Let’s just say I knew something like this would happen.”
I hope that is literal. If Shawn was physic, he would be able to tell me the winning numbers for the lotto. After that, the bread will be coming in and Shawn will be my little moneymaker. I’m gonna buy a new house and not share any money with my parents!
We started walking again and I decided to wait till we cross the streets to ask Shawn what the hell was he talking about. “So… I don’t understand you. What do you mean you knew this would happen?”
“I mean that when I went to the hospital, some lady wouldn't let Dad register me at first,” he muttered.
I blinked. “Really?”
Shawn nodded. “Yeah, this isn't the first time that someone said “no animals” allowed. It became predictable…too predictable.”
”I think it’s just a coincidence, breh,” I said with honesty.
Shawn shook his head. “No it isn’t. It feels like we have been demoted to a lower social class and everyone with authority is aware of it.”
Demoted? Demoted? I don't know about that statement. Okay, I hated being a pony at first, but I actually like it now. Remember when Shawn told me I could use magic with my horn? I looked up some videos on youtube and saw some people doing that. It was banging, bro. Anyways, I was practicing a little, but I’m wasn’t that dedicated and I ain’t learned anything from it, but I’m still hyped that I can actually do magic! I wonder if I can make money? If you ask me, being a pony is an upgrade. Now I can finally teach ‘Bonnie and Clyde’ a lesson.
Yeah, I thought being a pony was pretty weird day one, but it’s not so bad. I just wish I didn’t have to deal with this racism shit, but everything else is chill. I miss my dick, but it ain’t that important. I probably wasn’t going to use it anyways. Yeah, I talked to girls once in awhile, but I wasn’t gonna have sex with anyone from my school. Those girls are whorish nades.
“KaiseShawn!”
Shawn shook my body, getting me out of my thoughts.”Um… what?”
“Are you good?”
“Um, I’m ight…” I responded lazily.
Shawn heaved a sigh. “I know you might think I’m paranoid for believing this, but this has got to be the works of some sicko.”
“I don’t think you’re crazy, Shawn, I just think you’re thinking too deep into this. I hate when fools get religious when something bad happens.” I rolled my eyes.
“Uh, I wasn’t blaming God. I’m trying to say that there is someone who is planning this,” he clarified.
“How can one person plan for numerous people to say ‘no animals allowed’? C’mun bati mahn,” I said in a false Jamaican accent.
Shawn laughed. “Whatever Kaise. Anything is possible.”
“Oh really? Is it possible to cook eggs on a car if the weather is 140 degrees?”
Shawn cringed. “No. It will slip off a car, but it sounds possible.”
“Exactly. Easier said than done. “
Shawn sighed. “Whatever. How we gonna get home though?”
My eyes batted. Um, I never really thought about this though. I was just hoping that Shawn came through because I was getting stressed continually waiting like that. This is messed up. Now how we are supposed to wait for another bus? Nuh uh, not this slow ass bus. I’m going to get a taxi in matter of fact.
“Don’t know. Guess we will have to take a cab.”
Shawn shook his head. "No KaiseShawn, why would you take a cab? Let’s just wait for another bus.”
I grimaced. “Uh, no. I don’t think my hooves can stand another 20 minutes.”
“But, I don’t think taking a cab is a good look.”
“Why not?” I asked, getting interested.
“Because… what’s the odds of us having luck with a cab driver? Don’t you think that we would be safer if we just took a bus?”
I frowned. “And what’s the odds of us running into another guy who doesn’t let us come on? I’d rather take my chances, so stop being so damn paranoid.”
Shawn rolled his eyes in irritation. “Whatever you say, Kaise.”
I smiled and ruffled Shawn's mane. “Good girl.” I paused for a second. The hell? I didn’t mean to say that. Oh well, it sounds better than ‘boy’ I guess. Shawn isn’t a dude anymore anyways. Heh, menstruation. I hate that it had to be Shawn though.
Shawn glared at me and pulled my hoof off her head. I heard the clenching of Shawn’s teeth as she walked away from me. “Don’t talk to me like I’m a pet.”
“I’m not talking to you like you a pet, I’m talking to you like a little kid.”
She glared at me. “I’m older than you.”
I frowned. “I’m 17 and you’re 16. Remember?”
Shawn blushed. “ Oh! My fault! I forgot you were a leprechaun!”
I ignored the remark and paid attention to my growling stomach. I wanted to rub it, but I’m walking right now. I wonder if I can grow an extra leg with this horn? Hmm… “Yo Shawn, I’m hungry. Let’s go to Bk.”
“Sure. I hope you got money.”
“I always got money. You should already know that by now.”
Shawn sighed. “Okay. I just think we should take a cab home and order though. “
“Look, come on. You know you want some bk too. Do you really want to eat Chinese food or what?” I muttered.
“What’s wrong with Chinese food?”
“Nothing. It’s just that I have beef with a delivery man. I promised next time I see him I’m gonna kick his ass off his shitty bicycle.”
“So… why didn’t you? Scared that he might bicycle kick you?” Shawn teased.
I shook my head. “Nah. It’s just that I couldn’t tell which one was the delivery guy. The dude prolly changed clothes every time he came by or made clones of himself.”
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
KaiseShawn and I entered the doors of Burger King. The first thing that graced my nostrils was the aroma of French fries followed by the fresh smell of burgers. Man, I don't even know if the burgers are made from a machine or not-they still smell authentic. Authentic to my nose of course, but too bad I won’t be eating any burgers.
The main priority on my mind was to go to the bathroom. I'm pretty sure KaiseShawn wants to go there too, but I have to get something off my chest. Or should I say off my ‘second’ chest. I know it makes no sense, but it works.
“Let’s go to the bathroom first. I need to wash my face,” I said hastily, excluding the ‘pad replacement’ part intentionally.
“Kay,” KaiseShawn answered. We both then approached the restroom side of the restaurant, unaware of the possibility of people looking at us. They probably were, but it's better to not know then know in these type of situations.
I halted as I nearly bumped into one of the doors. I rubbed my head and read the sign of the two doors that I‘m now literally next to. Matter of fact, I didn’t read it but just looked at the signs. A picture can paint 1,000 words after all.
I frowned and entered the women's bathroom as KaiseShawn followed. Man, it's just a bathroom that lacks urinals. I don’t even need to pee, so what’s the problem?
I shrugged and walked towards the mirrors. I stood up on my hind legs and pushed my hooves on the sink for support. As I levitated, I finally saw my reflection for the second time of the day. Okay, my mane isn't as neat as earlier, and my face isn't as bad as I thought. Sure, my nose feels stuffy, but I'm so glad snot isn't all over face. Man, I wonder where all of it went to be honest. Ponies noses are connected to their long mouths, which means that more-
DIFFERENT TOPIC PLEASE!
Besides my eyes being a little red, I looked okay. I sighed and pushed my hooves into the automatic sink, signaling the water to come on. The water started to sprinkle warm water all over my hooves while I was rubbing them together to get a full effect. After I rinsed my hooves a little, I brought my head into the sink and platted water all over the eyeball region of my face. I tightened my eyes to make sure no water made its way directly into my eyes. I still don’t know if these giant eyes are more sensitive or not, but I’m not taking any chances.
I blinked a couple of times to make sure my eyes are secure and free from water. I took my hooves out the sink and rubbed my eyes. You know, I never thought of this before, but fur could be a pretty good substitute for paper towel.
I dropped back on all fours and sighed. I didn’t see KaiseShawn in sight, so I just assumed she was in the bathroom. I approached the bathroom stalls and was searching beneath the stalls, looking for any furry legs. After finding them, I brought my ear next to the destined stall. “Hey Kaise!” I called out.
“What?” I heard KaiseShawn's voice from one of the stalls.
“When you’re done, come here!”
Into the stall?
My ears twitched while I walked inside an empty stall. I closed the door behind me and realized how nice the stall looked. No tissue on the floor or writing on the walls, which is something I’ve got accustomed to. Too bad I haven’t used a public restroom since I seen a possum in one. I approached the toilet and after fully entering it, I made the connection that the stall is definitely more capacious than usual. Oh wait, that’s just the result of being a pony.
I dropped my bag on the floor and opened it up. I retrieved a zip lock bag and dropped it on the pocket bag, managing a sigh in process. I know I’m gonna have to use my mouth to open this bag, but I’m still conflicted with opening stuff with my mouth. I’m gonna have more craters in my teeth than the moon once I turn 20.
Wait, did I even brush my teeth this morning?
My left eye twitched. I’ll deal with that later.
I used my mouth to open the bag and dug my left hoof inside, feeling multiple soft products floating around the tip of my hoof. I pulled my hoof out a little too violently and multiple pads flew out the bag. I growled and banged my head on one of the stall’s wall.
“Ouch!” I mumbled while rubbing the back of my head. I ignored the pain and picked one of the loose ones off the floor, but I had to grasp it with two hooves. I stared at the pad in bemusement as I found myself in another dead end.
How I’m gonna put it on?
Just stick it up.
I closed my eyes while rubbing the… thing on my rump. I opened my eyes and frowned. “Wait, I have to take the other one off…” I looked between my legs and cringed. My hooves isn’t gonna work like that… I bit my lip. Okay… it’s just a little blood. Just go through it… forget it…. It isn’t anything to get worked about. “Fuck it.”
I quickly exited the bathroom stall without hesitation. You know, I feel like a kid in pre-K who pissed his pants but don’t have any underwear. Except I have a bunch of ‘underwear’ right next to me, but my damn hooves can’t even take them off.
I went back to the mirror to wash my hooves. I was washing my hooves very slowly, too invested in my thoughts to care about what I’m doing. The shock really got to my head on this one. Fantastic, I have to try to go on line with a bloodstained pad. And I’m gonna have to sit down in a cab like this…
You know, I think I learned an important lesson today: Trying hard makes your life harder.
“Shawn…”
My neck twisted around slowly. “Yes?”
You know, this is the perfect opportunity to be a sarcastic chump who insults people as if they’re chumps. But, I’m going for the passive route here because this is a public bathroom after all. Plus, must anyone else really know about this besides me? Nope.
“I’m fine. I’m just in my thoughts again. My head is quite big, so it’s easy to get lost,” I chuckled. Trying to prove my case by bringing light to the situation is my favorite trope in movies. It’s so backwards concerning their emotions, so I call it ehcilc.
The white pony’s head tilted slightly as she shot me a dubious look. “You don’t have a head though. You have a neck that blew a bubble.”
My left eye twitched. “My bubble is bigger than your whole body, you mutated ant.”
“We’re the same height now,” KaiseShawn giggled. “Seriously though, please don’t do that thinking stuff on the line. People will think you have down syndrome.”
“I’m not gonna do that!”
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
After finally leaving the bathroom, KaiseShawn and I were waiting in line to order. I didn’t specify what exactly happened and I’m glad. My thoughts shouldn’t even be lingering on this subject. But then again, I wasn’t thinking about it and something died inside me. Maybe if I’m more aware I won’t have another deadpool inside me. But, why the heck am I thinking these thoughts? They are making me sick… like, I can just vomit right now and feel relieved.
Jeez, I sure am vomiting a lot. I hope this doesn’t become a fetish. Yeah, there are actually fetishes like that.
Being bulimic isn’t a fetish.
That’s what they all say, but like a bulimic, they know they can’t keep that down forever. Hehe.
I felt something poke my back. I turned around and saw KaiseShawn glaring at me. “What’s with the mad look?”
“You are sus. I asked you what you want like three times...”
My cheeks flushed. “Sorry, I was thinking of something.”
“I hope you were thinking of what to order. If you weren’t, then get off the line!” A man’s voice clamored. I sighed and brought my head up at the ceiling, focusing on it for a couple of seconds to try to contain my discomfiture.
If I was a human, I bet he wouldn't say that. It's official: We the new slaves.
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