A/N: This entire chapter was thought of when I was rather drunk and chatting to VasQwibQwib, a good buddy of mine. We kinda destroyed all seriousness of this. I am sorry ahead of time, and blame him for all that you are about to read. Feel free to skip this entirely!
Warning: This chapter contains lore breaking content, physics breaking content sexual doubt, rustling of the jimmies, and the overall reason why fanfiction is looked down upon.
Viewer Discretion is Advised
Omake: Will Helm
Perspective: Artyom
Without a second thought, I fired a random shot from my revolver into what seemed to be a group of ten armoured ponies. The head one was adorned in what seemed to be purple armour while the rest were clad in gold. My shot found a mark though, in one of the pony’s legs.
“Aaaiieeeeee!”
“Oh no, it shot Will Helm!”
“You bastard!” One pony shouted with a wave of his hoof towards me.
My legs strained as I started sprinting once more. There was no way I was going to go quietly for these ponies...
$$$$$
Without a second thought, I fired a random shot from my revolver into what seemed to be a group of ten armoured ponies. The head one was adorned in what seemed to be purple armour while the rest were clad in gold. My shot found a mark though, in one of the pony’s legs.
“Aaaiieeeeee!”
“Oh no, it shot Will Helm!”
“My jimmies! They have been rustled!” The pony shouted as he fell, several more guards rushing towards him.
“Not the jimmies!” One shouted before dropping to his… back knees? Another guard pulled out what seemed to be a walkie talkie.
“This is Sergeant Slaughter, we have a Code Amber Rustling in progress!”
My legs strained as I started sprinting once more. There was no way I was going to go quietly for these ponies...
$$$$$
Without a second thought, I fired a random shot from my revolver into what seemed to be a group of ten armoured ponies. The head one was adorned in what seemed to be purple armour while the rest were clad in gold. My shot found a mark though, in one of the pony’s legs.
“Aaaiieeeeee!”
“Oh no, it shot Will Helm!”
“Medics!” A group of three ponies wearing red crosses on their armour came running from out of nowhere. Instantly they were beside the downed pony, yet they didn’t do anything.
“I’m sorry Will Helm, we can’t help you. We require more minerals to researcher healing.” One of the ponies shook its head.
“What about that druid over there?” he asked while pointing to a lean purple female human, with pointy ears. The gear she wore looked like something out of a fairytale.
“I’m sorry,” the medic spoke up, “she is spec'd as a boomkin right now.”
My legs strained as I started sprinting once more. There was no way I was going to go quietly for these ponies…
$$$$$
Without a second thought, I fired a random shot from my revolver into what seemed to be a group of ten armoured ponies. The head one was adorned in what seemed to be purple armour while the rest were clad in gold. My shot found a mark though, in one of the pony’s legs.
“Aaaiieeeeee!”
“Oh no, it shot Will Helm!”
The one in purple rushed to his side. His glare aimed directly at me, “Brave Will Helm, you shall not have died in vain!”
The shot pony looked up from his fallen spot, “I’m not quite dead sir.”
The purple armoured pony balked before speaking again while drawing a sword hilted at its side, “well you shall not have been mortally wounded in vain!”
“I- I think I could pull through sir.”
“Oh I see.”
“Actually I think I am alright to come with you!”
The purple armoured pony pushed the other down while standing fully up. “No no sweet Will Helm, stay here! I will send help as soon as I have accomplished a daring and heroic raid in my own particular… umm.”
“Idiom sir?”
“Idiom!”
“No I feel fine actually.”
“Farewell sweet Will Helm!” He yelled before running after me again.
“I’ll umm, I’ll just stay here then shall I sir?”
My legs strained as I started sprinting once more. There was no way I was going to go quietly for these ponies…
$$$$$
Without a second thought, I fired a random shot from my revolver into what seemed to be a group of ten armoured ponies. The head one was adorned in what seemed to be purple armour while the rest were clad in gold. My shot found a mark though, in one of the pony’s legs.
“Aaaiieeeeee!”
“Oh no, it shot Will Helm!”
My legs strained as I started sprinting once more. There was no way I was going to go quietly for these ponies.
Wait.
Why am I narrating what I clearly can see? And why is this in past tense? I feel as though there is some other worldly beings, watching… no reading everything I do. That would mean that they knew every single thought I have had up to this point.
Oh sweet mercy!
I didn’t mean to think that one thought! It was something that happened out of the blue! How was I supposed to know that she had a pet monkey! It wasn’t my fault! If only she had disabled the Metal Gear in time, none of that would have happened!
Stop scrutinizing everything I do!
I dropped to the ground and curled up tight in a… oh god I am doing it again! Why am I the subject of your perversions! Why did I deserve to have everything I done looked on by some sadistic beings like this?
Tears began to flow under my m-
Why can’t I stop!
$$$$$
Without a second thought, I fired a random shot from my revolver into what seemed to be a group of ten armoured ponies. The head one was adorned in what seemed to be purple armour while the rest were clad in gold. My shot found a mark though, in one of the pony’s legs.
“Aaaiieeeeee!”
“Oh no, it shot Will Helm!”
The cry of medic resounded through the area. The shot pony reached up with one hoof, almost as if he was grasping for something.
“Sergeant, I- I don’t think I’ll make it…” He trailed off with a wheezing cough.
The ‘Sergeant rushed over to him. Grabbing the back of his head and propping him up.”You’ll make it son! Just hang on in there, the medics are on their way!”
Another cough came from the injured pony. “Tell my brother.”
“Tell him what soldier?”
“Tell him to delete my porn folder!”
$$$$$
Without a second thought, I fired a random shot from my revolver into what seemed to be a group of ten armoured ponies. The head one was adorned in what seemed to be purple armour while the rest were clad in gold. My shot found a mark though, in one of the pony’s legs.
“Aaaiieeeeee!”
“Oh no, it shot Will Helm!”
Out of nowhere, sad music began to play. A quartet of ponies walked out from behind the tree. Two of them held what looked like portable pianos while another was sitting on a movable... drum set? Finally the last pony carried out a microphone. The music was eerily similar to something from back home.
The other soldiers stopped and circled around the down pony. Each one of them having removed their helmets in respect for their fallen comrade, who had seemingly be only injured. As the ponies completed a circle around the pony, a teal green unicorn with a harp on her flank moved out from behind another tree. In her… magical grasp was a tabled, a box of cereal, a bowl, milk, and a spoon. Only a few meters from the circle of soldiers, who had their heads bowed down in respect for their fallen comrade, the teal green unicorn set the table down and prepared some cereal.
All the while the music rang out, the soldiers kept their heads bowed and the teal green unicorn continued to eat a bowl of cereal and stare at the soldiers.
$$$$$
Without a second thought, I fired a random shot from my revolver into what seemed to be a group of ten armoured ponies. The head one was adorned in what seemed to be purple armour while the rest were clad in gold. My shot found a mark though, in one of the pony’s legs.
“Aaaiieeeeee!”
“Oh no, it shot Will Helm!”
Before anyone could react, a massive shark, possibly the size of the manticore from before, sprung up from the ground right under Will Helm. In a swift gulp, the shark ate Will Helm. Yet for some completely unknown reason, the shark continued to fly upwards, not stopping or losing momentum.
The rest of the soldiers stared in complete silence, jaws dropping to the ground as the shark kept flying higher and higher.
As if it just appeared, another shark flew perpendicular to the original land shark and engulfed the first shark whole. As it was, that shark must have been the size of a building. Somehow in the sheer ridiculousness of what was happening, the size of the shark was what caught my attention.
The flying shark continued along it’s path until a pink blue shot completely out of nowhere. This pink blur hit the shark head on, causing the shark to almost disappear… as if it ate it!
All momentum of the pink blur ceased in mid air. The pink blur looked oddly like a pony, with cotton candy like hair. A loud burp emanated from the pony before something came flying out of its mouth.
A loud impact sounded as the object hit the ground at blinding speeds. When the dust settled, the pony named Will Helm lay there, still clutching his leg. His eyes were wide in shock.
“I’ve seen some things,” He said with a shutter.
All of the ponies and me looked back up to the pink pony, as if expecting her to do something else that defied everything that we have ever known. She followed through.
Without a second to lose, the pony produced a board of some sort, kinda like a surfboard. Something that a man from Exhibition once showed me. She stood quickly on the surfboard, looking out onto the sunset.
“Hiho Silver! Away!” The pony yelled before the board suddenly shot off over the forest next to me.
With that I threw my hands up in defeat. I was done.
Done.