//------------------------------// // An (Attempted) Interview With Edgar // Story: The Neighanderthal // by Mr. Grimm //------------------------------// Tarpan sat rigidly in his seat as he looked about the cold, odorless chamber of what Twilight had called ‘The Hospital’. As Tarpan understood it, a hospital was a place where a medicine pony would look after sick or injured ponies. It sounded like a good idea, but the Neighanderthal wasn’t quite certain he liked the place. Ponies dressed in strange garb went from room to room, doing and saying things he didn’t understand. He was especially frightened when he had peeked into one room to find a pony attached to some beeping…thing, by the means of twisting cords. The stallion hoped Twilight would soon return from fetching her friends. He was certain that should would be able to clear up what was going on, as she seemed knowledgeable about these sort of things. Until then, Tarpan was to wait in the first chamber of the Hospital with Trixie, awaiting word on Noteworthy’s condition. While they sat, Trixie had stuck up a long-winded and mostly one-sided conversation. “And despite what the Fillydelphia Police Department might tell you, it was in fact I, Trixie, who managed to send those rogue cattle packing.” The unicorn’s contented smile beamed with pride. Tarpan tried not to look skeptical. The mare sitting beside him claimed to have scared off a heard of cattle—and from what he remembered of cattle, this was not an easy feat. The Aurochs that lived in the valley below his tribe’s mountain were terribly steadfast, not to mention several times the size of of a southlander. For a single mare to drive away even a small herd of them was a considerable feat. “…Hghow?” “Oh, just by casting an illusion of a dragon the length of a city block,” Trixie replied, her voice overflowing with smugness, “Not that I couldn’t have beaten every last one of them in combat, but I was feeling particularly merciful that day.” Tarpan was silent for a moment. Illusion. His new understanding of the southland language told him that it meant something along the lines of ‘something that appeared to be there, but was not’. Tarpan only knew of one example that could possibly fit this description. “Yew…mayke pictchore?” “Come again?” said Trixie, raising an eyebrow. “Pictchore,” repeated the relic, “Pictchore to scare Aurochs?” This was followed by a brief silence, during which the magician stared blankly at him. “Trixie doesn’t follow in the slightest,” replied the mare. Tarpan furrowed his brow as he thought for an alternate way to explain. It took only a moment before he thought of an exceedingly simple way to demonstrate. ****** Trixie’s already perplexed expression grew even more befuddled as the stallion licked his hoof, wetting the dried mud caked upon it. She watched as he put the tip of his hoof to the white wall behind them, swiping it across to create some kind of image. After several moments of blotting, smudging, and smearing, the Neighanderthal drew back to let Trixie see the finished product. Now on the wall was a crude picture of some kind of bizarre, serpentine creature that Trixie thought looked a bit like a dragon with uneven limbs. The unicorn squinted at it for a moment, taking in the slightly exaggerated feature of its forelegs, which were held out in a menacing manner. “Pictchore,” grunted Tarpan as he pointed a hoof at it, “Like yew mahde to skarre ouff Cattell?” Trixie’s face resumed its prideful smile as the relic’s message was finally driven home. “Oh,” she chortled with a shake of her head, “No, no, no. Trixie didn’t draw a dragon. She made it appear as if one were there. It’s a complicated spell that few unicorns have mastered, though it was easy for one as magically gifted as Trixie. Observe.” The mare’s horn began to glow, and the air between herself and the relic shimmered and sparkled. Trixie grinned as she saw Tarpan’s eyes widen in amazement as the form of a white rabbit materialized, hovering in midair only inches away from his muzzle. “Hgh…hghow?” stammered the stallion. “Magic,” replied Trixie, “Magic and talent. Trixie is gifted with copious amounts of both.” The magician watched as the relic timidly reached a hoof out to touch the apparition. He let out a flustered grunt as it passed right through, his foreleg recoiling in surprise. “Ahem…” Both Tarpan and Trixie looked forward to see the stern glare of a white earth pony mare. Her icy blue eyes looked from the rabbit to the mud drawing like those of a cynical skeptic. She sighed, blowing a loose strand of hair out of her face before honing her gaze on the magician. “Excuse me,” she muttered, “But small animals are not allowed in the waiting room. This is a hospital, not a veterinary office.” Trixie’s eyes narrowed conceitedly as she shot an annoyed frown at the nurse. “Well, for your information,” she replied with an indignant huff, “There are, in fact, no small animals here.” The rabbit suddenly disappeared in a burst of glittering sparks. Trixie glanced over at her companion as he let out a surprised whinny, staring intently at where the illusion had been. The earth mare, however, displayed a noticeable lack of awe and wonderment, as her only reaction was the rolling of her eyes. “Bravo,” sighed the nurse, “Now, if you don’t have any more tricks to show us, I thought that you might like to know that your friend is doing fine. “Oh…” replied Trixie her expression softening for a moment, “That’s wonderful news. Well, it was fortunate we rescued him when we did. I suspect he would’ve been a goner had we arrived a few moments later.” “Not really,” the nurse said with a shrug, “His legs fell asleep. He’s already fully recovered. The changeling, on the other hoof…Well, it’s safe to say he’s going to be in here for a while.” “Thank goodness for that,” Trixie sneered, “Serves it right. Maybe now it’ll think twice before giving anypony trouble.” The nurse looked down at her forelock, where a bandage was wrapped around the inflamed imprint of a viscious, crooked set of teeth. “I’m sure it will,” she muttered as she turned and left, limping as her foreleg touched the floor. ****** Tarpan’s ears perked up as he heard the sound of a good many hoof-beats nearby, growing closer with each passing second. He looked over to see six mares and a dragon enter the room. The Neighanderthal’s mouth formed a relieved smile. “Hullow,” he said, his rough voice quickly catching their attention. They smiled in return as they saw him—but their smiles lessened somewhat when they heard the lofty voice of the mare that sat next to him. “Hello everypony,” said Trixie as she rose from her seat, “How nice to see you all again.” Tarpan stood up and followed her over to the group, his pace slowing a bit as he noticed the awkward, uncertain expressions worn by most of Twilight’s friends. “Hiya Trixie!” shreiked a bright pink mare as she bounded up to the magician from behind the small herd, “Nice to see you again too!” Trixie’s eyes widened in surprise as the ecstatic earth pony grasped her hoof and gave it a thorough shake. “Ah…” she muttered, “Well, hello--” Before Tarpan knew it, he felt someone wrap a foreleg around his shoulder. The Neighanderthal glanced over to see that somehow, Pinkie Pie was standing right beside him. “Thanks a bunch for saving Tarpan!” she cried as she pulled him closer, “We were really worried about him. And I guess we were right to do so, with him being stuck in a mud pit and all, ya know what I mean? I don’t think anypony would’ve thought about looking in Whitetail Woods! Boy, was he lucky you found him!” “Yes…I suppose it was lucky,” Twilight said, “Especially given the circumstances of how he got there.” “Yeah,” added Rainbow Dash, “Dude was pretty brave to go tearin’ off after that changeling by himself.” “Speaking of which,” said Rarity as she cast a nervous glance about the room, “Twilight, are you quite certain the changeling is going to be…successfully detained here?” ****** Edgar was not having a good day. He wasn’t having a bad one, either. Rather, the changeling was having an absolutely terrible day, and it wasn’t even noon yet. A broken leg, two cracked ribs, and a fractured horn would have simply made it a bad day. But being captured and detained in a pony hospital made it completely unacceptable. So it was entirely understandable that the chitinous equine was in an extremely foul mood as he lay propped up on the hospital bed, surrounded by the Elements of Harmony, a juvenile dragon, a big-mouthed magician, and worst of all, the beastly pony that had brought him into public view. Edgar’s intense glare shifted from pony to pony, meeting their gaze with cold, venomous eyes. “Good morning, sir.” The changeling looked ahead to the lavender mare who sat in a chair at the foot of his bed. He let out a bone-chilling hiss, exposing his crooked, yellowed teeth in a conceited sneer. The mare seemed unfazed by his aggressive display as she spoke again, her voice calm as if to spite him. “I’m sorry if the current situation upsets you,” she said, “We’re doing everything we can to make you comfortable.” “Killing me with kindness?” muttered Edgar, “How typically pony of you.” His comment was ignored by the unicorn. “Some things have come to light…” she said, “Certain things that may involve yourself. Could you please tell us where you were last night?” “You should already have some idea.” The changeling pointed a gnarled hoof at the brutish stallion, “That…thing there should’ve told you.” Edgar’s ragged ears twitched as he heard the pony give an aggravated growl. “That ‘thing’ is Tarpan, and yes, he did tell us what he saw,” the mare replied sternly, “But we all know there’s more to it.” “Of course you do,” spat the changeling, “After all, a Changeling can never do anything without an ulterior motive.” The purple unicorn narrowed her steely gaze at him. “You broke into a pony’s house and trapped him in a cocoon,” she murmured. Edgar’s sneer widened. “If you’re referring to that mediocre musician, you should be thanking me for sparing you at least a few hours of his tortuous racket.” “Hey!” the pink earth pony angrily interjected as she suddenly appeared only inches away from Edgar’s muzzle, “Noteworthy’s music is some of the smoothest, most snazzy-jazzy stuff in Ponyville!” “I believe it,” muttered the changeling, “This town’s standards for what passes as entertainment don’t seem terribly high.” The mare was about to reply when she caught a whiff of his breath, which reeked of soured milk and rotten onions. She suddenly covered her nose, her face turning an unsightly green. “I think you could use one of these…” she choked, holding out what appeared to be a breath-mint to the changeling. Edgar’s foreleg shot out and swatted her hoof away, sending the mint across the room. “Get out of my face!” he snarled, sending droplets of oily saliva all over her face. The pink mare was suddenly yanked back by a white unicorn, who immediately went to work wiping off the earth pony’s stained continence. “Please, try and be civil,” came the purple mare’s voice, “You’re in enough trouble as it is.” Edgar looked back to her and snorted. “I’m well aware of that, Twilight Sparkle.” The corners of his mouth lifted upwards as he saw the bewildered look in her eyes. Her stony expression remained, but the changeling could tell that mentioning her name had flustered her. “Yes, I know your name. I know everything about you and your little friends.” The chitinous creature’s eyes darkened with malevolence as he looked out at the Elements. “Well…Right now, we’re here to learn a little bit more about you,” murmured Twilight. “And you think I would tell you anything about myself?” scoffed Edgar, “Really, Twilight, I thought you were smarter than this.” “She’s smarter than you, bug-face!” cried a Pegasus the changeling recognized as Rainbow Dash. “Unlikely,” Edgar replied, “A bit more knowledgeable of useless and trivial facts, perhaps, but I have serious doubts that her intelligence surpasses my own.” Edgar merely smirked as the colorful mare grabbed him by the collar. “Oh yeah?!” she roared, her furious eyes dead-set into the changeling’s own. “Rainbow Dash…That’s enough.” The cyan Pegasus never stopped glaring at the changeling as she let go of him. Edgar snorted at her before turning back to Twilight. “So…where were we, Miss Twilight?” The unicorn regarded him with a steely leer. “We were trying to find out why you’ve been impersonating a citizen of Ponyville,” she muttered through her teeth. Edgar cocked one of his greasy eyebrows with infuriating nonchalance. “You expect me to talk?” “We’re interrogating you, so yes, we had some hopes that you would.” A horrifically wicked smile was suddenly present on the changeling’s face. “Then I’m happily obliged to dash those hopes by refusing to discuss the matter.” The lavender mare sat silently for a moment as she was faced with Edgar’s snaggletoothed grin. “…Would you at least consider trying to behave yourself while you’re here?” “That depends on what your definition of ‘behaving’ is,” snickered Edgar, “It’s entirely acceptable behavior for a prisoner to attempt escape, is it not?” The changeling reveled in the faint but existent irritation that became visible on Twilight’s face. “While technically so, it is not the preferred behavior, and it is also acceptable behavior for us to try and stop you.” Edgar’s smile broadened to the point where his interrogator could seen nearly every one of his hideous teeth. “Keyword: try.” Twilight didn’t reply. She instead stood up from her chair and sighed. The changeling’s sickening smile remained as he watched her exit the room, followed by the rest of her companions. It faded, however, when he realized the last pony to leave was the lumbering beast of a stallion. Edgar glared nervously at the pony, who leered at him with a menacing scowl. After what seemed to be an eternity, the brute turned and slowly skulked out of the room, casting one last glance over his shoulder as he disappeared.