//------------------------------// // So I Married a Pony // Story: The Incredibly Interesting Date with the Non-Winning Human // by BronyWriter //------------------------------// I barely registered the subdued aura of the town as I trudged back to my house. The words on the marriage certificate were still burned into the forefront of my mind. I wished that I could make them go away, but the more I tried to forget the more I thought about them. Mrs. Cloud Powell nee Kicker. I had just married a pony. On top of that, I was still actually married to said pony. Mayor Mare just kind of tossed our marriage certificate onto a rather large pile. Heck, if Cloud... Powell and I got together for our next Friday outing, we could theoretically still be married. Part of me wanted to call in one of the infinity favors that the princesses owed me, but I didn't actually want to get them involved in this. Having said that, they would anyway since half of Ponyville got married, including Celestia's prized pupil and the Element of Generosity. I can't even imagine how they're taking it; particularly if they are one of the couples who did end up doing it with each other, making their annulment that much harder. I pushed such thoughts out of my head and opened the door to my house. I couldn't help looking at the table where our marriage certificate laid that morning as if I was expecting some other piece of bad news to be there. I'm really not sure what would have been worse at that point. Well, in all honesty I didn't think that I had it in me to do much more that day except go back to bed. My computer was fully charged, so I could get in some solitaire and my music for a few hours. Maybe I'd read one of those books that Twilight had given me for my twenty-first birthday. Long story short, I had to find something to get my mind off of what had just happened. I took off my paint shirt and tossed it onto the floor. I could deal with that later. I climbed into bed and took my computer off of my bedside table. I got under the covers and set it on my lap. As I surfed through my music to figure out what I was going to listen to, my mind wandered back to my conversation with Apple Bloom when my wife and I went to the Acres to support Applejack. You know, it would have been a good idea to stop thinking about Cloud Kicker as my wife, but legally she was. That aside, it was heartbreaking to see Apple Bloom. Her pillow was absolutely soaked with tears, and her bow was undone and on the floor. I was glad to find out that she hadn't been spanked or anything like that. Grounded yes, but no physical punishment. I leaned back in my bed and closed my eyes as I remembered the exact conversation. She seemed... scared almost, like she was worried that I was going to chew her out. That frankly hurt worse than waking up with a pony for a wife. "Ah'm sorry! Ah didn't know that it would happen like that. Please! Please don't hate me, TD!" "Aw Apple Bloom, I could never hate you! I know it was an accident." "But mah friends and Ah made the love potion on purpose! I-f we hadn'ta done that, you wouldn't be married to Ms. Cloud Kicker!" "Well, yeah, but I know you've done your best to try to make up for that, right?" That only made her cry harder, which in turn only made me feel worse about the whole thing. It was mah idea ta dump the rest out the window of the clubhouse! I-if Ah hadn'ta done that, there wouldn't be any problems. Apple Bloom curled into a ball on her bed and buried her head in her forelegs. Ah mad a lotta ponies real sad 'cause of that. They're gonna hate me forever. "No, they're not." I sat down on the bed beside her and put my hand on her head. "They have to know that you didn't do it on purpose, and the ponies around here aren't so shallow that they'd be mad forever about a mistake." Apple Bloom had gripped me in a crushing hug after that. I just sat there and let her cry into my shoulder. I hated that it was the best that I could do to make her feel better, but it did seem to help a little bit. She wasn't sobbing on her bed when I left. She had moved on to just staring at the wall. I'm not sure if that was worse, to be honest. I plugged my headphones into the headphone jack in my computer and was just getting ready to listen to my music when I heard a quiet knock on my door. I put my earbuds down and slid out of bed. I put on my shirt before answering the door. I opened it up and discovered Fluttershy of all ponies on the other end. She gave me a small smile. I sighed and moved aside so that she could come in. I pulled a chair out for her and sat down on my bed. "I take it you're here because of what happened today, yeah?" Fluttershy subtly nodded and touched my leg. "I'm sorry, TD. Is there anything that I can do to help?" "Short of reversing time, I..." I sighed again and put my head in my hands. "I don't think so." "I'm here if you need somepony to talk to." Fluttershy's ears flattened. "That's kind of why I came over, really. I wasn't sure if you wanted somepony to talk to or not." I shrugged and scooted back so that I could lean against the back wall. "I guess it couldn't hurt." I chuckled weakly. "Couldn't hurt any more than waking up and finding out that I married my best friend who happens to be a pony." Fluttershy nodded sadly. "I know that must--" "It's just one thing after another with me, isn't it?" I snapped. I glowered and stood up to begin pacing around my house. I didn't know why I was so angry about it all. It's not like it was anybody's fault; it didn't happen on purpose. Still... "I'm just sick and freaking tired of everything here going wrong for me!" I extended my thumb. "I go to the Gala and hope that Celestia can send me back home. That doesn't work out." I extended my pointer finger. "I try to get away to blow off some steam alone and I get my freaking spine snapped!" Another finger goes up. "I'm stuck here in Ponyland for the rest of my life with no chance of seeing anybody I knew back home ever again, and now the best friend that I had, the one who I could just get together with and talk about whatever, probably won't ever act the same way around me anymore because we woke up married!" I growled and slammed my fist onto my table. It didn't do much to improve my mood, but I didn't feel as though I was going to throw my bed through the window anymore. Fluttershy had curled up a little and was half hidden behind her mane, something that drained all of the anger out of me and replaced it with the same empty feeling that I had since my talk with Apple Bloom. I hated scaring the ponies around me, but I wasn't sure how else to feel. I hated that I could only feel anger if I wanted to fee something other than empty. I put my hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry for getting mad there, Fluttershy. I didn't..." I shook my head and went to go sit back down on my bed. "I didn't mean to scare you." "It's okay," Fluttershy whispered. She looked at me through her mane. "You're feeling sad, so I don't mind that you're feeling a little angry too." "Yeah." I leaned back on my bed and stared at the ceiling. "I'm just... I'm just wondering when things are going to go right for me, you know? It seems like every time I start to feel happy here something goes wrong that ruins it for me. One step forward, two steps back. I get a good friend? Boom. A love poison potentially irreparably damages our friendship." "We're your friends too, TD," Fluttershy mumbled. She poked her head out of her mane. "We want to be there to support you too." "I know, but..." I groaned and ran a hand through my hair. "Cloud Kicker was my best friend before all of this happened. Heck, she's the closest thing to one of my friends back home on Earth. Now that's over." "It doesn't have to be over, TD," said Fluttershy. "It--" "If you're saying that it could possibly go back to the way that it was before just stop right there." I sat back up and, despite my best instincts telling me not to, I glared at her. "It can never go back to the way that it was before. If you and Rainbow Dash woke up tomorrow married, how would you react?" "Twilight and Rarity had to go through that," said Fluttershy quietly. "They're just as scared and confused as you are." Yeah, that's right. Twilight and Rarity did get it, didn't they? I grimaced and shook my head. "How are they doing, by the way? They didn't... I mean, it's going to be easy to get it annulled, right?" Fluttershy slowly nodded. "Yeah, they didn't mate." She stood up from her chair and walked over to me, putting her hoof on one of my arms. "I know that they'd be happy to talk to you about it. I didn't have it happen to me, so I can only help so much. I know they'd appreciate talking to you about it too. You can help each other." I took a deep breath and relished in the heavy exhale. It did feel a tad cleansing. Yeah, Fluttershy was right, though. Talking to somebody who had actually been through would help, and if I could help them though it then maybe I could make them feel a little better too. That might help my mood too. I glanced down at Fluttershy and slowly nodded. "Yeah. Maybe that's a good idea." * * * * We reached the library after a few minutes of walking. Fluttershy and I didn't really say much to each other. I guess that the dower mood of the town didn't really incite the need to talk between the two of us. Nobody else we passed really seemed to be in the mood to chat anyway. Fluttershy knocked on Twilight's door and she opened it after a few seconds. I could tell that Twilight had been hit hard by what had happened too. Her face was streaked with tears, and her eyes were baggy and bloodshot as if she had not slept in days. She looked up at me and closed her eyes. "You too, huh?" "Yeah," I muttered. "Cloud Kicker." Twilight scoffed and flattened her ears. "That's just... that's just great." I glanced behind Twilight and saw a golden band on the table, just large enough to slip around a unicorn's horn. I bit the inside of my lip. "You and Rarity, huh?" Twilight sniffled and wiped her eyes. "Yeah. We didn't do anything, though. I just woke up in my bed and her forelegs were..." Twilight's lower jaw began trembling and her eyes became wet, "wrapped around me. I had never had a pony that close to me in that way before, so..." Twilight's gaze fell to the floor. "I don't even know." "Same thing pretty much happened to me," I muttered. Twilight nodded and stepped aside to let the two of us into the library. I sat down on the floor and rubbed one of my temples. "Last thing I remember was eating one of the apples with Cloud Kicker." "Same here," Twilight muttered. The two ponies sat down and Fluttershy wrapped one of her wings around Twilight's shoulders. "Rarity was heartbroken. I think we might have done some kissing or something like that." "Cloud and I did." Twilight visibly flinched at that news. She grimaced and sighed. "Yeah. Sweetie Belle has to be absolutely distraught about all of this. She's a good filly; she didn't want to hurt Big Mac and Cheerilee with that love potion. Now that it's affected her older sister..." "Apple Bloom was pretty beat up about it." I rubbed the back of my neck. "I talked with her a little. I hope it did a little good." "Yeah." Twilight looked sadly out the window. "I talked a bit with Princess Celestia about it. She said that she'd come down to help however she could. She should be here any minute, really." I quickly inhaled as my stomach tied itself into a million knots. I shot up and stared wide-eyed and open-mouthed at Twilight. "Celestia is coming here?" As if on cue the door to the library opened and the object of our conversation walked in. My breathing quickened and I began backing away, but Celestia only had eyes for Twilight. She rushed over to her and swept her up in a winged hug, gently nuzzling her as she did. Not the pony I wanted to see right now. She was here for Twilight, but I just couldn't deal with her right in front of me. Still, no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get my legs to move. I wanted to run out of the library and as far away from Celestia as I could, but my freaking legs just did not want to listen to me. I just stood there and watched as Celestia whispered comforting words into her weeping student's ears. It was a full five minutes before she even figured out that I was in the room too. She must have heard my breathing, and she looked up at me. That really didn't improve anything. I liked it better when she didn't know I was here. She sighed and folded her wings, allowing Fluttershy to cradle Twilight. "It happened to you too." She stood up, but I extended a hand. "Don't you freaking come near me!" Celestia's brow creased into a small frown. "TD, surely you do not think that I had anything to do with this." "Don't you take one more step!" I snarled. I felt tears well up in my eyes; something that was odd to me. I didn't even cry when Celestia told me that I could never go back home, but now I was going to start crying? I gritted my teeth and wiped my eyes. "I don't freaking want to talk to you. Not now, not ever!" "TD, I understand that this is hard for you, but please do not take this out on me." She extended her hoof slightly. "I would like nothing more than to help you." "Hey, based on your track record if you help me I'll end up married to all of Ponyville!" I snapped. I silently cursed my emotions as I had to wipe my eyes again. "Every single bad thing that has happened to me since I have gotten here has been your fault!" With a scream of emotional agony, I flipped the table over and slammed it into the floor. The ring that had been resting on it rolled off, and came to a rest right in front of Twilight. She flinched back at the sight of it like it was a venomous snake, poised to strike. I felt bad for it, but I didn't really care at that moment. "Why couldn't you have just freaking let that car splatter me over the pavement?!" My glare intensified and I took one threatening step towards Celestia. My fist subconsciously balled. "Because honestly? That would be much better than this! I had a truly great friend that I could really connect to for the first time since I got here, and now that's gone! I'm back at square one! If you had just watched me die, I wouldn't be feeling. This. Freaking..." I instinctively pulled my fist back, aiming right for Celestia's horn. Maybe if I landed a solid enough blow there I could hurt her for once. But... I couldn't do it. I looked into her eyes for the briefest of moments and saw the sadness and pain behind the even expression she wore. I exhaled with a whimper and lowered my fist as the fire inside of me died. I involuntarily sobbed and collapsed onto the floor, lying on my back. I didn't want to cry in front of Celestia of all ponies. Showing weakness like that in front of her wasn't something that I needed right now. I wanted things to go back to the way that they were before; back when I actually had a truly great friend that I could just relax around for the first time since I got here. But that was gone now. Things wouldn't go back to the way that they were before. I could only lie on the ground in front of Celestia and gather enough brainpower to utter a single word. "... Helpless."