//------------------------------// // Chapter 8 // Story: Love Them While You Still Have Them // by FictionFreek //------------------------------// It’s been almost a week since Rainbow was placed under Fluttershy’s watch, and aside from the odd nightmare or two she seemed happy. However Fluttershy knew that Rainbow was not herself, her personality was completely different. It seemed as though everything Rainbow has gone through had weakened her in a manner of speaking. The strong-willed mare Fluttershy knew was replaced with a softer version, and Fluttershy didn’t like that. She missed the strong friend and sister that she grew up with all these years. Fluttershy decided that it was finally time to start Rainbow’s sessions; it was time the two of them finally got to the root of Rainbow’s problem. “Rainbow, did you feed the hens yet?” asked Fluttershy as she walked up to the chicken coop. Once there she noticed Rainbow standing outside of the entrance, the chicken’s food still in the bag she was given. “He’s doing it again…” said Rainbow, her ears dropped to her sides. Fluttershy walked closer to see what she meant, the rooster of the coop standing at the door glaring at Rainbow. Fluttershy couldn’t explain it, but he was the only animal around Fluttershy’s home that doesn’t seem to like Rainbow. What confused Fluttershy more was why Rainbow was allowing herself to be defeated by a rooster? “It’s okay, I’ll take care of this.” said Fluttershy as she grabbed the bag with her mouth and stepped inside the chicken coop. Rainbow let out a sigh and sat down on the ground while Fluttershy gave out the food. “What’s wrong with me…” asked Rainbow. “Over a week ago I could take on anything, and now I can’t even stand up to a rooster.” she continued as she kicked at the ground. Once Fluttershy finished feeding the chickens she walked back out and stood in front of Rainbow. She wanted to assure Rainbow that nothing was wrong with her, but if that were true then she wouldn’t be under a suicide watch. “It’s okay, Rainbow. This ordeal you’re going through took a toll on you and you’re still trying to recover. But this is why you’re here, I’m going to help you get through this so you can bounce back as strong as ever.” said Fluttershy as she placed a reassuring hoof on Rainbow’ shoulder. Rainbow looked up at Fluttershy and couldn’t help but smile, she knew she could always count on her. “Thanks, shy.” “No problem, now how about I make some lunch for us?” Rainbow was going to answer but her stomach did that for her causing her to blush lightly. “I’ll take that as a yes.” Fluttershy said with a giggle as she walked back to her cottage. Rainbow gave a quick look back to see the rooster was still glaring at her so she quickly looked away again and walked after Fluttershy. Once inside Fluttershy prepared them a large batch of hay fries for the two of them. “So, are you still ready to start your sessions today?” asked Fluttershy, Rainbow agreed to it last night but she wanted to make sure. “Yeah…” said Rainbow “I-I’m not going to cry…am I?” Rainbow wasn’t completely sure how therapy worked, but she did know it involved a lot of crying. “Probably, but it’s important that you let any repressed feelings. But don’t try to overdo it; it won’t help if you try to deal with too much at once. So at any time you want to stop I want you to let me know.” said Fluttershy. “That’s good to know, so what time are we going to start?” asked Rainbow. “How about after lunch?” Rainbow paused for a moment to think it over. It was sooner in the day than she thought it would be, but it was probably best to get through this as soon as possible. “Alright.” Once Rainbow and Fluttershy finished their lunch they walked into living-room. Rainbow was feeling a little nervous; she didn’t know how this session would go for her. “Just sit here for a minute I need to get something.” said Fluttershy as she walked up stairs. Rainbow didn’t know what Fluttershy was going to get but she sat down and waited. “I wonder what she went to get…” Rainbow thought to herself as she looked towards the stairs. She was getting a little restless from having to wait for the session to start. “Maybe it’s already started and she’s watching me…” Rainbow thought to herself for a moment before facehooofing herself. “Now I’m paranoid…” Rainbow said in an annoyed tone to herself. “I found them.” Rainbow turned around towards the stairs to see Fluttershy walking down them. A closer inspection of Fluttershy’s face showed that she was now wearing glasses. They weren’t nerdy looking and actually seemed to fit Fluttershy quite tell. “I didn’t know you wore glasses.” said Rainbow as she watched Fluttershy walk up to the sofa. “I don’t actually, these are fake.” said Fluttershy as she demonstrated it by pushing one of her feathers through the empty frames. “It’s actually a habit I picked up over the years, whenever I was in a session I would put these on. I guess you can say I wanted to look professional to my clients. I know they might look silly-“ “No, no you look good with them.” Rainbow had to admit. “Thank you, now, grab some pillows.” said Fluttershy as she used her wings to grab hold of two pillows. “Why do we need pillows?” wondered Rainbow. “So we can sit on them outside of course.” said Fluttershy was she walked past Rainbow so she could get a blanket from the closet. “Aren’t these things supposed to be…you know, inside?” asked Rainbow. “Normally, yes, but I feel being out in the open would help you a lot more than if we were inside a closed space.” Fluttershy explained. Rainbow did see a point in what Fluttershy was saying; it was a nice day outside. “That is, unless you want to stay inside.” “No, outside sounds great.” said Rainbow as she walked grabbed two more pillows for herself. Fluttershy smiled and continued her way towards the back door with Rainbow following close behind. Once outside, Fluttershy lead Rainbow to a wider area behind her cottage, it had wide open grass all around and the smell of flowers filled the air. “How’s this spot?” asked Fluttershy, Rainbow almost didn’t notice as she looked around the area. “Huh, oh, yeah this spot looks awesome.” Fluttershy then spread the blanket on the floor for the two of them to rest on. It didn’t take long for the two of them to get comfortable, Fluttershy sat on a pillow while Rainbow decided to lie on her back resting her head on a pillow. The two stayed in a short but comfortable silence taking in the fresh air around them. Although Rainbow didn’t say it, she did admit to herself that she was a lot more comfortable than she would have been inside. “Now then, do you feel ready to start?” asked Fluttershy. Rainbow allowed herself one more deep breath before nodding in agreement. “Good, now, ever since you got back from Canterlot you have been having nightmares, right?” once again Rainbow nodded. “In order to overcome these nightmares we need to know what they mean.” “How do we figure that out?” “I need you to talk about them.” Rainbow paused for a second, it was bad enough for her to be having these nightmares at night, she’s always done what she could to try to forget them during the day. “Do I have to?” asked Rainbow almost wishing that there was some other way. “I’m afraid so, there are things that you may have suppressed over the years. Fears that you thought you conquered until recent events caused them to resurface.” normally Rainbow would argue this; she was a mare that feared nothing and was first to charge in to danger. But now she felt like an empty husk of the mare she was before. She lost something when she found out her father died, and she needed to get it back. “And talking about my nightmares will help me figure out what they are?” “Without a doubt.” said Fluttershy with a nod of her head. Rainbow knew this was going to be hard; it always hurt for her to think about her nightmares. But she needed to do this, not just for herself, but also for him. Rainbow closed her eyes and summed up the strength she needed. “Where do we start?” “From the beginning, tell me about your first nightmare.” as luck would have it that nightmare was also one of the worse of Rainbow’s list of recurring nightmares. It mocked her by starting happy only to crush her at the last moment. There was no backing down from this, Rainbow took a deep breath and began. “I’ve had that nightmare more than once, even though I know what’s going to happen the pain is always the same. When it starts it doesn’t seem like a nightmare, it just seems like I’m reliving my past. In this dream I’m a filly again; back when I was starting to learn how to fly. Dad took me to the edge of Cloudsdale and set me down on a single cloud a few feet away. “I was so nervous, I never flew in open air before and I was scared I would fall. But dad was there, he said that I’d be safe, that he’d catch me if I did. But he also said that he wouldn’t need to catch me, that I could do it. He always knew how to make me feel confident, with him around I didn’t need to be afraid of anything.” it was small, but Fluttershy noticed Rainbow had a slight smile on her face. “And when I jumped off the cloud and started to fly, it was the best feeling in the world.” Rainbow’s smile disappeared as her ears dropped down once again. “And that’s when the dream ends, and the nightmare starts. As soon as I land the first thing I do is ask if he saw me…but he didn’t answer. I look around and I couldn’t find him so I started running everywhere I could calling out to him.” Rainbow paused for a moment so she could compose herself; she was already starting to tear up. “Do you ever find him?” asked Fluttershy, Rainbow sniffled before answering. “Yeah, but it just gets worse from there.” Rainbow closed her eyes and felt a light gust of wind blow through her mane. “When I find him he’s always walking away, I try running up to him but he just keeps getting further away from her. I try calling to him, ‘don’t go, please don’t go’ ‘I still need you’ Rainbow seemed to be in a trance as she thought back, tears still streaming down her face. No matter how fast I try to run he just keeps getting further away from me. I keep trying to get his attention, all the way passed the point where I can’t see him anymore. And that’s pretty much when I wake up.” Although having the nightmare itself was worse, it still felt painful for Rainbow to talk about it. Once Fluttershy was sure Rainbow was done she looked down on her notepad and wrote ‘Nightmare #1 – open air flight practice’ she also included ‘days without flying – 6’ was her estimate. So far Fluttershy discovered her original hunch was correct, Rainbow’s love of flying had been affected by her father’s passing. “Are all your nightmares like that, about moments from your past?” “Kind of…” “What do you mean?” Rainbow bit her bottom lip as she rubbed her foreleg. “All my other nightmares are about times when I was younger. But, they all go the same way I remember; the problem is…they aren’t happy memories.” “How so?” “You should know; you were there for some of them.” it took Fluttershy a moment, but she eventually figured out what Rainbow was talking about. “I see; you’re talking about the times when the two of you argued.” it was rare, but once Rainbow started to get older she and her father started to have their disagreements. Some most of them were small and resolved quickly, but a small few of them would get serious and heated. But in the end they would always find a way to forgive one another and go back to the way they were before. While it was nice that they never ended up hating each other there was always a fear that those past arguments could resurface someday. “You do know he never held any of them against you, right?” asked Fluttershy. “I know, but, that’s not why they bother me.” said Rainbow as she shifted her position slightly. “Then, why?” “It’s because they were stupid, I was stupid!” exclaimed Rainbow. “There were things dad wanted to see me do, even if it was just once. I could have just said yes even though I didn’t want to, but instead I just start yelling at him!” “What kind of things?” Fluttershy was sure she knew the answer to this, but she needed to ask. “One time dad bought me a dress to wear to the school dance. It was just for one night, I could have worn it, it would have made him happy…but you know what I did…?” Fluttershy knew, she was there when it happened, but she allowed Rainbow to continue. “I threw it on the ground and told him ‘I’m not wearing some girly little dress’ then stormed off.” back when Rainbow started to develop her tomboyish personality she had let it get a little out of control. She turned down the idea of doing anything that seemed girly to her. That included wearing make-up, going to slumber parties, spa days, and above all, wearing dresses. “I put up such a fuss for such a small thing and yet I wore one to the gala…it’s like I was slapping him in the face…” said Rainbow, some traces of regret could be heard in her voice. So many things she could have done but didn’t, so many arguments that didn’t have to happen, and there was no way for her to change any of it. “Rainbow, if you could, would you do all the things you turned down when you were younger?” Rainbow turned her head towards Fluttershy when she asked her question. “Well…yeah, but what good would that do now?” wondered Rainbow. “If anything, it’ll help you find closure with yourself, to know that you gave them a try.” Rainbow was still having trouble understand thing how it would work. The time for her to try would have had to been while her father was still alive so he could see it. If she tried it now it wouldn’t have the same meaning, right? “Tell you what, why don’t we make a list and then try at least one of them. If it doesn’t work then we can try something else.” Rainbow thought it over for a moment, it didn’t seem like too bad of an idea. “Do you think it’ll work?” “Only one way to find out.” “Can I think about it?” “Take as long as you need.” Fluttershy had decided to end the session there so that she could plan what she was going to do for the next one. For a first session, however, it had gone better than she could have hopped, she felt that there were still some more problems that needed to be tackled but it was a start. Rainbow still hadn’t come to a decision on whether or not she was going to go through with the idea but Fluttershy didn’t pry. She knew Rainbow would make her choice when she was ready. “Rainbow, can you do me a favor?” asked Fluttershy as she walked into the living-room where Rainbow was sitting to think. “Huh, sure, what do you need?” asked Rainbow as she sat up. “I need apples, can you go buy some from Applejack, around six.” said Fluttershy as she tossed a bag of bits towards Rainbow. Rainbow caught the bits but had a confused expression on her face. “Wait, you want me to go by myself?” asked Rainbow. “Aren’t you supposed to keep an eye on me at all times?” as per the condition of Rainbow’s suicide watch. “I won’t tell anypony if you won’t.” Fluttershy said with a wink. “Besides, I trust you.” she added before walking back into the kitchen. Rainbow stood frozen for a moment, she thought that this was some kind of test for a short amount of time. Eventually Rainbow’s confused expression shifted into a happy one; it was always nice to know her friends trusted her. Without saying a word but at the same time thanking Fluttershy internally, Rainbow walked out the door and made her way to Sweet Apple Acres. The walk didn’t take very long thanks to the fact that Applejack was technically Fluttershy’s neighbor. But regardless of how short it was Rainbow still enjoyed it, to be able to go somewhere without having to have somepony watch her for her own safety. Once Rainbow arrived at the Apple family home she knocked on the door and waited for somepony to answer. She didn’t have to wait long before she heard a familiar mare’s voice coming from inside the house. “Hello? Rainbow!” Applejack said with a smile when she noticed who was at the door. “Hey, Applejack.” “Where’s Fluttershy?” asked Applejack looking around to see if she could spot her. Applejack knew about the arrangement Fluttershy made to watch over Rainbow and had seen the two together whenever they were in town. “She’s still at her cottage, she just sent me to get some apples.” “Guess that means you’re getting better, good to hear.” said Applejack as she playfully hit Rainbow on her shoulder. “Come on in and Ah’ll get you some.” she added as she stepped aside to allow Rainbow to enter. Rainbow sat in the kitchen while she waited for Applejack to return with the apples. While she sat she found herself thinking back to the idea Fluttershy pitched to her, she just couldn’t figure out what to do. What good would it do it to do something her dad would never be able to see? “Here ya go.” said Applejack as she placed a bag of apples on the table snapping Rainbow out of her thoughts. “Huh, oh. Thanks.” said Rainbow before reaching for the bag of bits that Fluttershy gave her. “No need to pay, just tell Fluttershy they’re on me.” “Oh, uh…thanks.” said Rainbow awkwardly, it didn’t take a lot of effort for Applejack to see something was up. “Somthin’ on your mind, sugar cube?” asked Applejack as she sat down next to Rainbow. Rainbow looked down as she traced circles on the table with her hoof. “Kind of.” Rainbow wondered if she should tell Applejack what she was thinking, she was one of her only other friends who have gone through this before. If anypony would be able to give her some advice, it would be her. “You see, Fluttershy and I have been talking and, well. You see when I was younger, there were a few things my dad wanted me to do that I never gave him the time of day for. Looking back…I wish that I hadn’t been hasty like I was, after everything he’s done for me, I should have at least tried, for him.” “Fluttershy thinks that if I do some of them now that I’ll have some closure. But the thing is-“ “You’re not sure if it’ll matter now that he’s gone?” Rainbow looked at Applejack surprised that she figured it out. “How did?” “Been there myself, remember?” “Right, sorry.” “It’s fine.” Applejack assured Rainbow, there was a moment of silence before Applejack spoke again. “Like Ah said, Ah’ve been there before, wonderin’ if it even matters anymore now that they’re not here to see you grow up. You know, before I lost my folks I promised them that I’d be able to knock out the apples of a tree in a single buck by the end of the next harvesting season.” Rainbow was surprised; she didn’t expect Applejack to start telling her a story about her past. “Applejack wait, you don’t have to tell me this.” said Rainbow not wanting Applejack to open and old wounds. “Ah know, but Ah want to.” Applejack said with a smile before she continued. “Not long after Ah made that promise…well, you know.” Rainbow didn’t dare ask about what exactly happened so she nodded in understanding. “After that Ah lost my drive to keep my promise, Ah didn’t see a reason to anymore.” Applejack paused for a moment, her eyes with a glassy shine. Rainbow thought she was going to cry, but instead, she smiled. “But that’s when Granny set me straight. And Ah tell ya it wasn’t easy, you know how stubborn Ah can be.” Applejack said with a chuckle. “But then she told me something that stuck with me ever since. She said that dead doesn’t mean gone, that even though Ah can’t see them, they are always with me, right in here.” Applejack said as she rested her hoof on her chest. “After that Ah decided to go back to trying to keep my promise. And one week before the harvest was over, Ah did it, Ah dropped every apple in the tree with one buck. Ah was so happy, and even though they weren’t around…I knew that they saw it.” Rainbow didn’t say a word for a few minutes; she allowed herself some time to let everything Applejack told her sink in. “Thanks Applejack, I think I know what to do now.” Rainbow said with a smile. “Anytime, Rainbow.” said Applejack as she followed Rainbow to the door. Applejack watched Rainbow walk away through the window, a warm feeling in her chest. She had finally been able to do it, she was finally able to help Rainbow. Fluttershy sat in the living-room writing down notes on her notepad while she waited for Rainbow to return. She knew that Rainbow would most likely be walking to and from the farm so she knew it would take some time for her to get back. As she waited she couldn’t help but wonder what Rainbow’s decision would be. Currently she was trying to figure out what to do if Rainbow had decided against it. So far she wasn’t able to come up with anything, but she was sure she would if she needed to. A knock at her door pulled Fluttershy’s attention away from her notepad; putting it away she walked up to the door and opened it. “Got the apples, Applejack said it’s on her.” said Rainbow as she gave back the bag of bits. “Oh, that’s nice of her.” Fluttershy said with a smile as she tossed the bag of bits in to her coffee table. “And thank you, Rainbow.” said Fluttershy as she grabbed the bag of apples and made her way to the kitchen. “Hey, Shy, I’m gonna need a quill and some paper.” said Rainbow as she followed Fluttershy. “Oh, why’s that?” asked Fluttershy. “Can’t make a list without them now can I?” Fluttershy stared at Rainbow with her jaw opened for a few seconds before smiling. “I’ll get you some.” In another part of ponyville a train had just arrived allowing both coming and going ponies to step in and out of it. Among the ponies exiting was a noticeably pink mare with a cotton candy like mane and tail making her way out of the train station. Eye’s closed and a smile on her face she allowed herself a moment to take in the sent that was Ponyville. “Hello, Ponyville, did you miss me!?”