//------------------------------//
// Tea, Cakes, and Political Shitstorms 
// Story: Shepard's R&R 
// by ed2481 
//------------------------------//

As usual editing/slashing help provided by Loyal2Luna. Pre-note I apologize for any spaces that are off slightly or words that are too close together Gdocs doesn't keep track of that automatically and given a doc of this size it's extremely difficult to check every one of them 


Tea, Cakes, and Political Shitstorms



Twenty minutes after arriving planetside, Commander Shepard had found himself at a beautifully crafted table within a grand dining hall that seemed like something out of a vid. Grand stained glass windows depicting what must have been great events or stories lined the smoothly polished stone walls and brightly colored banners.  While he was hardly a student of architecture himself, having spent most of his life tearing things apart rather than building them, even the vanguard in him had to appreciate the magnificence of the room’s design. 

To his left sat Tali, who was staying as close as she could without arousing awkward questions, while sitting directly across from him was Princess Luna, who seemed content to wordlessly observe the odd beings before her.  At the human’s right, sitting at the head of the table and looking out over the Dining Hall was Princess Celestia herself, who appeared quite interested in listening to the quiet conversation taking place further down the table. Holding that conversation, seated beside Luna, was Princess Cadence and her husband Shining Armor, the former of whom was in the middle of a pleasant back and forth with with Major Kirrahe across from them, on Tali’zorah’s left. And behind him stood the still silent Talan, who had not said a single word since coming aboard the Normandy. 

Further down the long dining table, separated by several empty seats sat the rest of his crew, acting in their capacity as the Ambassadors for the Citadel Species while opposite of them sat Princess Twilight Sparkle, with her entourage on either side of her.  The rest of the banquet table (which was capable of seating at least fifty) remained empty. 

The symbolic meaning of keeping the two groups on opposite sides of the long, rectangular table and facing one another was not lost on Shepard, nor was the fact that he, as the clear head of this ambassadorial party, had been placed with the three most influential of the species leaders directly in front of him. 

Oddly enough, it seemed that the stereotypically paranoid STG Major was the most comfortable being in the room as everyone else was clearly attempting to maintain a degree of awkward small talk, each side of the table unsure about the other side. 

Not really listening to the exchange that had cropped up between Kirrahe, Prince Armor, and Princess Cadence, Shepard took a moment to look over the ‘menu’ that had been laying upon the table when he had arrived. It had several images of dishes to choose from, the selection having been chosen some time earlier with Kirrahe’s assistance (who had of course plenty of time for culinary experimentation during his time stranded in Equestria).  After several moments of looking over the heavily vegetarian menu, he circled what looked like an egg-based dish with a simple graphite pencil and offered it to the nearby waiter, a unicorn who was standing with a clear uneasiness around the alien diplomats.  

With that done and the castle staff exiting the dining hall,  Shepard began to run over the events again in his head, trying to think of some way to break the ice based on what little he had been able to observe thus far. 

Upon their arrival, his compatriots had taken a great deal of amusement at his expense for his choice of words.In the absence of an awe-inspiring and improvised speech (the type of which he was unfairly famed for) he had fallen back on a tried and true cliche which one of the equestrians, whom he then discovered was Princess Sparkle herself, had recognized and reacted to in the exact same way Liara and Tali had. 

Still, in spite of learning that the species seemed to share that one particular gesture, he supposed that he could have done worse. 

It was only a vitally important first impression on a species that for all intents and purposes now held the weight of the galaxy in their hooves after all. No reason for him to be concerned  and fall back on a classic. 

Apparently, his simple announcement had gotten a much better response from the Princess’ entourage, who had laughed in what he had (perhaps optimistically) interpreted as a genuine, non-mocking manner, while Princess Cadence’s expression dropped and her husband’s had perked.  

As Shepard was picking up from the current conversation between the salarian and the crystal princess; the pair had made a bet regarding the initial contact, and apparently with the Commander’s unknowing assistance, the unicorn soldier-prince had won.

The basic introductions were had, putting faces to the names that Kirrahe had given them in the Kodiak while the so called ‘Elements’ quickly introduced themselves. At first, he wanted to believe that the translation had been somehow mistaken... but after a quick check with Kirrahe, he had confirmed that the naming scheme of Equestria sounded eerily similar to that of a candy or beverage company’s flavor-lineup.

His own friends had introduced themselves as well as they disembarked (save for Talan, who remained silent and allowed Kirrahe to do the honors as he simply stepped out as if he would not arouse suspicion.)

And from there, without any further ceremony, Princess Celestia had welcomed the ambassadorial party to Equus and invited inside for lunch. 

No trumpets, no rush of decorum and prompt, no crowds of equine creatures gawking at the bipedal aliens. 

Just a simple invitation inside along an emptied corridor and into a decorated, well used Dining Hall. 

And for that, Shepard was immensely grateful.  

At the moment, he was having a hard enough time trying to think of how to break what felt like several ‘hundred’ meters worth of ice with the ruler of a species that less than a week ago he would have attributed to some children’s vid produced with the intent of selling cheap toys.  The last thing in the galaxy he wanted to do now was give out some half-baked speech to a crowd of ponies he didn’t know anything about in regards to how they were happy to be there and that the Citadel looked forward to the opening of relations. 

Yes, a simple conversation over a private lunch would be a much better venue in his mind. A chance to try and find some common ground and hopefully start building the connections that would be required when the time came to speak on more serious matters. 

It was during this moment of introspection that  Shepard was snapped back from his thoughts and worries as he felt a gaze upon him, turning his head slightly to take note of how Celestia was subtly observing him, as if making an assessment.

For just a moment, the pair seemed to be sizing one another up now that they were in close proximity, a fact likely lost on the others at the table as Cadence and Kirrahe shared a laugh that was joined in on by Tali. 

Then their eyes met fully for the first time, and Shepard suddenly found himself looking into a pair of bottomless pools. They were old eyes. Ancient in a way that reminded him of the more formidable asari matriarchs he had met over the years. But while there was certainly an intense degree of wisdom and compassion held within those enormous windows to the soul, there was also something else in the brief second that they held one another’s gaze.  

And quite frankly, he found that he could not distinguish if it was curiosity... fear... intrigue... or perhaps pity that her eyes held.  

“It’s actually commonplace in our fiction as well, Prince Armor.” Tali stated, pulling Shepard back into the conversation as she set one hand on his shoulder and nudged him playfully, clearly feeling no need to hide the intimate nature of their relationship. “Although I think the Commander is the first person to actually use it in a real-life situation.” 

“What?” Shepard forced a smile, hoping that he came across as genuine while a string of discomfort tugged at his chest. “You have to respect the classics.” 

“Indeed, certainly it was a relief to me for you to speak your intentions so plainly.” Princess Luna stated, holding her hooves together in front of her in a thoughtful manner. In spite of her words, however, Shepard couldn’t help but pick up on the icy inflection behind them, remembering Kirrahe’s description of the Lunar Diarch.  “Although I do feel compelled to apologize on behalf of our beloved subjects for their reaction to your declaration.” 

“No need to apologize. I am sure that I sounded pretty ridiculous.” Shepard nodded, hoping his words didn’t ring hollow. Like Celestia, Shepard could feel the dark blue mare appraising him. But while her sister appeared welcoming (at least on the surface), Luna seemed... frigid and distrustful of Shepard and his friends. 

Something that Shepard could completely understand given her views.  Hell, if this situation had been thrust upon humanity a mere sixty or seventy years earlier, there would probably be a dissected salarian on the table alongside a declaration of war.

“I apologize if I seem blunt, but I am not one for games of words. I prefer to just get straight to the point and address issues directly. I thought it would be only fair to announce our intentions here and set things off of on the right foot,” Shepard replied. 

Luna’s eyes narrowed again but she let out a huff of annoyed acceptance, clearly having nothing to say to that comment. 

“We certainly cannot begrudge you that wish.” Cadence spoke up as she turned her eyes away from Tali, who was directly in front of her. “And in spite of my losing our little domestic wager, I was quite happy to hear what you said.”

“Well, this isn’t the first time that Shepard and myself has taken on the role of an ambassador, Although these are certainly far better circumstances than last time,” Tali told the Princess. 

Shepard considered Tali’s position for a moment for a moment before internally cringing. 

Better circumstances, perhaps. 
Easier? 

Not a chance in hell.





Twilight Sparkle was busy thinking. 

Now this would come as no surprise to those who knew her, she always was. However, in this case her thoughts were not of science, or of magic, or even of friendship. No, at the moment Twilight was thinking of one thing, and one thing only, aliens. Or, more specifically, the aliens right in front of her.

For once, she was grateful for Pinkie’s motor mouth, as the party pony did a good job distracting the aliens with a sudden and stirring recollection of their expectations and mile-a-second questions that kept the alien’s attention on her and off of the Princess of Friendship and her fellow Elements, all of whom were still trying to come to terms with the guests seated across from them.  

Most importantly, it gave Twilight her moment to reflect. 

As they’d disembarked from the ship that had brought them down to Canterlot, they'd given their names, titles, and the species and worlds they represented. It had perplexed her why only one species had been chosen to represent each world... as well as why there were two members of ‘Commander Shepard’s’ species present. 

Her eyes moved over the beings across from her as they took their seats, running through a mental checklist as she strived to remember the bizarre and exotic assortment of names... as well as her first distinct impressions. 

‘High General Garrus Val-kur-ean. Of the Turians of Palaven. Looks like a cross between a bird and a spider... He kinda reminds her of the Royal Guard, all ridged like that.

‘Lieutenant Colonel A-den Ka-lenco. Of the Humans of the Systems Alliance of Ground... odd name for a planet, ‘ground’.’

‘Ambassador Ur-knot Grunt of Two-chunk-ah. He looks like he’s got some dragon’s blood in him... certainly surely enough to be one. Not what I would expect of an ambassador.

‘Doctor Liara T’Soni. Of The Asari of Thesmeia. So that’s an Asari, I wonder if Rarity is disappointed. 

Then her eyes drifted down the table to the three aliens that were seated along with her brother and the other princesses. 

‘Major Kirrahe of the Salarian Union. So this is the alien that started it all. I see what Celestia means, almost like a frog. At least he seems friendly.

‘Admiral Tallee-Zorah Vis Normanedee nar Rayya of Ran-lock.  Such a long name... I wonder if she outranks everyone else here. Maybe that’s why she wears that suit, like a status symbol.

‘Commander Shepard of the Citadel. He’s a Hyuman, like A-den. But why do they act like he’s in charge? Based on what I’ve seen, he seems kinda like a dork... but then again so is Shining.

Now Twilight hadn’t been a Princess for very long; only for a few months, but one thing that struck her as extremely unsettling about their new guests was that most of them had what translated to military ranks of some kind. Fairly high ones at that if Shining’s rise through the Solar Guard was anything like the systems used by aliens.

The only one who had not given a military rank was the asari; the blue skinned being with feminine features and odd, tentacle-like extensions on her scalp, who claimed to be a ‘Doctor’, although she had not elaborated on her field of study. 

And yet in spite of that most innocuous of titles among them, Twilight couldn’t shake the feeling that even she was dangerous. 

All in all, the effect of sitting across from them was akin to the feeling that Twilight had gotten once while helping Fluttershy feed some of The Everfree’s manticores. 

At the same time, it also reminded her of when the ambassador of Canterlot’s Griffon Embassy had visited shortly after her coronation to offer his well-wishes. He had been quite civil and friendly up front, at least until his meal had arrived... Twilight shivered internally at the memory of blood covered beaks and grease stained feathers as the ambassador had continued pleasantly speaking while he savaged the nauseating meal of bleeding flesh. 

“OH OH! And how did you learn how to speak Equestrian so fast? I mean do you have some sort of fish babbling inside your ears that translates for you? That would be sooo Cool! OH! And how do--” 

“AGH! I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!” Rarity finally snapped, having been attempting to speak up for the past two or three minutes, but constantly cut off by Pinkie, who (much to the apparent amusement of the gathered aliens) continued asking inane, utterly bizarre questions without pausing for an answer.  For a moment, the ambassador’s had expected that the well groomed white mare was about to throttle the overly talkative pink pony, given the way her hoof reared back, but were relieved, when she just put the hoof over Pinkie’s mouth, which muffled her. 

“Beggin’ yer pardon, ya’ll.” Applejack spoke up at the clearly stunned expressions of their guests. “Pinkie’s just a little excitable and she likes to talk.”

Utter silence reigned among the alien ambassador’s for a moment. 

“Clearly...” Kaidan managed, watching as Pinkie Pie continued to speak in spite of the hoof over her muzzle.   

“Well, as long as we’re not all sitting here in awkward silence with no idea what to say to each-other.” Twilight found herself speaking up, feeling compelled to explain away Pinkie eccentric behavior. “As this is the first cultural exchange between our peoples, It wouldn’t do if nothing was exchanged.” 

“Yes, I agree.” Liara leaned forward, smiling broadly as it was clear she too was eager to delve into the situation from an academic perspective. “I actually have many questions regarding your society, your Majesty.” 

Twilight felt a cold chill run down her spine at the title, but nodded, with the asari taking the cue to continue. 

“With all due respect, I can’t help but notice that with the exception of Prince Shining Armor, every’pony’ that has greeted us today has been female... Is your society matriarchal or perhaps caste-oriented? Or do the mares among your species simply act in diplomatic roles?” 

“Well, that’s not exactly right.. you see...” Twilight started, glad to hear the clearly academic tone in the aliens voice and preparing to go into the intricacies of Equestria’s gender-dynamics when she was quite suddenly cut off.  

“Okay, enough with the boring stuff. I have one very important, very serious question: Do you guys have ray guns?” Rainbow Dash asked suddenly, drawing a sharp laugh from the turian ambassador seated across from her. 

“Well, we have guns.” Grunt answered before any of his companions could stop him. “Not sure if they are ray guns. Easy way to find out though. You know anybody named ‘Ray’?” 

Rainbow looked at the krogan for a moment before Garrus let out a chuckle, shaking his head. 

“Pretty sure she means energy-based laser weapons, Grunt. They’re pretty popular in most species science fiction.” 

“Oh, well why didn’t she say so?” Grunt huffed, having sincerely hoped the fiery rainbow-maned equestrian would call for someone named Ray so they could begin testing. 

“But no, Miss Dash, I’m afraid we don’t actually have anything like that.” Garrus continued. 

“Wait, really? What kind of aliens don’t use lasers?” Dash asked in confusion, clearly disappointed by the answer. “Why don’t you use lasers?”

“Actually a pretty good question when you think about it.” Kaidan offered, although judging by his smile, he was doing so to poke fun at the turian, who was beginning to show some professional disdain. “I know that was what my people expected from first contact too, phaser beams and energy swords.” 

“And here, thirty years later, you humans are still acting all disappointed about it. Sorry to burst your fantasies, Kaidan” the turian chastised before turning back to Rainbow, who couldn’t help but snicker at the way the two interacted. “To answer your question, Miss Dash,  it’s all a matter of cost and energy. Generating a coherent, weaponized energy beam, even for a hand-held weapon, takes a great deal of power, more than can usually be generated by normal means. Can it be done? Yes; an old associate of ours used something like that, although his particle rifle isn’t exactly a ‘wide-spread’ technology. In any case, using mass effect propelled weaponry is cheaper, more efficient, and has hundreds of years of practice behind it.” 

Dash pouted, although she appeared sated by the answer.

Twilight’s mind, however, was racing at what was to be read between the lines. 
Despite their obvious technological superiority, it seemed that these aliens were not all knowing, superior beings. Their science had limits in terms of understanding and application, a similar problem that had plagued spell-crafters and unicorn innovators throughout Equestrian History.

Also there was the interaction with ‘Kaidan’ (as she tried to mentally correct her pronounciation). Assuming their translation abilities were accurate... and that the time-frame was at least roughly similar to an Equestrian Calendar Year, then it suggested that Shepard and Kaidan’s species had been involved in intergalactic affairs for a relatively short period of time. Within her parents lifetimes at least. 

Of course, hesitating to consider this information gave Rainbow another chance to make a foal of herself by asking...

“What about spaceships? You’ve got those right?” Dash asked insistently.

“I hope so, otherwise it would be very tough to explain how we got here.” Kaidan answered with a small chuckle.

“You mean that blue box thing you showed up in?” Rainbow asked, her expression indicating she was trying ‘not’ to be disappointed. 

“The Kodiak? Oh no... that’s just a shuttle. Strictly short-distances. We arrived in your system on the Normandy, our ship.” The human explained, a smile on his features. “It’s in orbit now, but it’s kinda hard to be subtle with a frigate that size flying over a city like this.” 

“OOOOHHH That is sooooo Awesome!” Rainbow said with a grin. “Wait, wait, is it a cool- looking flying saucer!” 

Kaidan raised an eyebrow. “No, sorry. We don’t use those either.”

Rainbow Dash looked at the aliens for a moment before pouting. “So you guys don’t have lasers or flying saucers; you’re the worst aliens ever.”

Meanwhile, it seemed that Pinkie had Finally stopped talking and Rarity was in the midst of withdrawing her hoof. 

"I’m sorry dear, but you were just ruining the decorum of this meeting!" Rarity offered in an apologetic tone. “You don’t really want to give the rest of the galaxy the impression that we are all babbling foals, now do you?” 

Pinkie Pie tilted her head inquisitively. 

“Is that a trick question?” she asked, clearly mystified.

Twilight couldn’t suppress a sigh. 

Great.

On the one side of her, Pinkie was cementing the appearance that they were a bunch of children  while Rainbow Dash had managed to insult ambassadors from outer space because they didn’t live up to her ‘Buck Rangers’ pulp magazine expectations. The Princess turned back to Dr. T’soni and was about to answer the earlier a question. 

Unfortunately, Rarity beat her to the punch, clearly wanting to make up for time lost while holding Pinkie’s mouth in check.

“What about fashion? Surely you must have that,” Rarity inquired with a slightly raised eyebrow.

Yeah, Rarity... alien beings of immense power and knowledge and you want to know about what’s in this season? Twilight thought as she fought to keep from rolling her eyes. 

“Oh yes, there is a thriving intergalactic fashion market,” Liara answered with a smile that immediately reminded Twilight of a pony awkwardly trying to keep up the small talk in spite of a lack of real interest in the subject matter. “Why do you ask?”

“Well I’m a designer you see,” Rarity answered, smiling. “My dress designs are some of the most sought after in all of Canterlot. In fact I created the dresses that my friends and I are wearing today specifically for this occasion.”

Liara quickly scanned over the dresses before smiling. “You are very talented,” she informed the mare.

“Thank you,” Rarity replied. 

The alien identified as ‘Grunt’ let out a noise somewhere before a grunt and a groan. 

“Oh come on, can this talking get anymore boring?” The krogan asked bluntly. “When do we get to the part where we start trading blows. Someone needs to hit me already!” 

“Trading blows, hi-hit you?” Rarity stammered for a moment, a horrified look coming across her face, one mirrored by Twilight. 

“Ugh, ignore him.” Liara shook her head, bringing her fingers to the bridge of her nose. 

“Sorry Grunt, I know you’re bored, but if you ask nicely, maybe the Princess and her friends can find some action figures for you to play with,” Garrus commented with a slight chuckle which drew an expression of shock from Twilight. 

She hadn’t expected such an insult to be passed so casually between them, particularly not towards the clearly aggressive dragon-like krogan. 

“On Tuchanka, we would have already had at least one good fight by now and, if we were lucky, a casualty or two... all this talking... ugh, this is best left to the fema--”

Grunt paused as he looked across the table at the assorted mares, then up at the princesses towards the head of the table, before his gaze finally settled to Liara who sat at his left.

“Ahhhhhh Slag It!” Grunt exclaimed, his head falling to the table with a thud. 

“What’s his problem?” Applejack inquired. 

“The Krogan are a society of warriors.” Liara explained, a smile on her expression. “In Krogan Culture, an ambassador is supposed to represent the martial strength of his clan because they always expect a fight. If they are actually trying to be diplomatic, that’s the domain of krogan females, who are more... shall we say.. tactful.” 

“So yer saying... since we’re all fillies an’ all fillies do is talk that this ain’t gonna be no fun for him?” Applejack stated, unsure of herself. 

“And now Grunt gets a nice cold taste of what actual Ambassadorial diplomacy. All part of growing up I suppose.” Garrus smirked, clearly amused. “The Krogan are ‘respectable’ now, Grunt... get used to it.” 

“Starting to make me pine for the old days, before the Cure. I mean, when Shepard did this job, he got to shoot things and cause explosions!” Grunt protested.

Twilight’s ears flicked back. “What do you mean by that?”

“I mean that Shepard gets to do all the fun stuff,” Grunt answered with an annoyed snort. “On the last mission I saw him, we were sent into deal with the rac-”

“What Grunt means is that he’s bored easily,” Kaidan said, quickly cutting in before the krogan could scar Twilight for life. Grunt shot him an unpleasant look but rolled his eyes.

“He... mentioned ex-explosions?” Fluttershy asked hesitantly, cowering behind her pink mane.

“Yeah, THAT was a good day. Explosions everywhere!” Grunt said enthusiastically with a grin.

“Sounds AWESOME!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. “Can we see some?”

“Sure, all we gotta do is hotwire the Kodiak to...” 

“NO!” Liara, Kaidan, and Garrus stated together, in a level, almost identically firm monotone. 

“But she asked...” 

“NO!” 

“It’d only be like half a kiloton... One kiloton tops!” 

“NO!” 

“I’d really rather we didn’t,” Fluttershy added her two bits quietly.

“So, Rarity, you said that you were a designer, what do the rest of you all do?” Liara asked, trying to quickly change the topic.

“I happen to be the fastest flyer in Equestria!” Rainbow Dash proclaimed, temporarily forgetting about the explosions now that she’d been given the chance to boast. “And pretty soon, I’m going to be a star member of the Wonderbolts!”

“The who?” Garrus asked curiously.

“The Wonderbolts!” Dash exclaimed, as if that should’ve been enough. “They’re the best flyers in Equestria!”

“They’re also an elite military organization,” Twilight added, surprising even herself as she suddenly felt the overwhelming urge to point out that Equestria too had some form of defense. 

To her surprise both Garrus and Grunt turned to look at her, suddenly making her regret her outburst.

“Really now? Can you tell us more about them?” Garrus inquired.

“I bet I could take them,” Grunt commented with a grin.

“As if, the Wonderbolts would totally wipe the clouds with you!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, taking the attention off of a suddenly very worried Twilight. “They’re the coolest, most radical group of ponies in Equestria!”

“And I’m a krogan,” Grunt replied. “I could take all of them at once.”

Twilight narrowed her eyebrows at Grunt, the more she heard from him, the more concerned she became. It was starting to remind her of her talks with the somewhat brutish Minotauren Imperium’s Ambassador. 

“How about you tell us what you do instead of the other way around.?” she asked, finally getting a question of her own.

“Of course, I’m a lifelong military operative, law-enforcement official, and a sniper,” Garrus volunteered.

“I’m an information dealer of ‘some’ repute who provides important people with things they need to know,” Liara stated, although the inflection she had gave Twilight the impression she was hiding something. “I also have a doctorate in archaeology: specializing in Pre-Citadel Era civilizations.”

“I’m a soldier... I fight. And right now I’m making nice with you ponies.” Grunt answered gruffly, “Take a guess which I’d ‘rather’ be doing right now.” 

“Council Spectre and Alliance military,” Kaidan said. “Oh, and Tali over there is an Engineer and Admiral of the Migrant Fleet. While Major Kirrahe is a member of his species ‘Special Task Group’, their own elite branch for tactical recon.”

Twilight stared at them, her mouth opening and closing silently.

While she didn’t know what the ‘Migrant Fleet’ or a Spectre was in the context Kaidan laid out, she had read enough on military jargon and historical references to understand the meaning behind the terms ‘Tactical Recon’. 

It meant ‘Spy’. 

As her friends tried to respond to the impressive sounding list of resumes, Twilight felt her nerves fray just a bit more with a jarring realization. 

“Shucks...” Was all that Applejack could offer. “Uhhh, I’m an apple farmer.” 

“I..take care of animals...” Fluttershy offered, practically sinking into her seat and clearly intimidated. 

“And I work in a bakery, but in my free-time I’m a professional party-planner.” Pinkie Pie chirped pleasantly before ducking under the table. “OHH! That reminds me!” 

Twilight had to fight back the desire to shutter, realizing only now how horrifically out of their depth’s she and her friends seemed to be. Her friends, while she loved them dearly, were fairly humble in their careers and personal lives... while it was clear that these ‘Citadel races’ had sent a group of elite, top-grade soldiers to their peaceful equestria. 

Now she was beginning to understand why Princess Luna has been so on edge. 

“Well, uh...  alright... What about Commander Shepard?” Twilight offered, trying to gather her thoughts by asking what she thought was an innocent question. 

A small silence settled over the group... with even the krogan growing still at the simple inquiry.  Then, with what reminded Twilight of an almost religious level of reverence Garrus spoke four simple words. “Shepard is our leader.”

Liara noticed a puzzled look spread over Twilight’s face as she processed what Garrus had said. “What Garrus means is that Shepard is our... good friend... and that he’s led us all through a great deal of trouble in one form or another.”

“Is that a problem?” Grunt scowled, and Twilight had to keep from cringing. 

“Well um no... but...” Twilight trailed off wordlessly. Then she noticed something was amiss. 

Her blood ran cold as her frazzled mind caught up with her situation and panic started to set in. 

“Wait, where’s Pinkie Pie?”

*KA-THOOM!*

A sudden explosion of cake frosting and ribbons heralded the answer and Grunt was thrown bodily out of his chair, his face hidden behind a partly-liquified cake.

“Surprise!” Pinkie’s voice shouted, she’d somehow managed to materialize behind Twilight and the other mares without either they or the guests noticing. Pinkie was smiling widely at them. Everyone in the room stared at the scene before them in shocked silence as Grunt lay back on the floor, his face covered in pink frosting and the ruined remains of yellow cake.

Garrus and Kaidan were frozen with their pistols half-drawn as they reacted to the sudden noise while Liara had reeled to the side, but could not avoid getting some castoff splatter. 

Unnoticed by those further down the table who were all staring at either Pinkie or Grunt, Shepard’s eyes had narrowed as he clenched and unclenched his hands which were frozen right above his pistol’s grip.

After half a moment, the Krogan sat up and pulled himself up to a standing position, his expressions completely covered as the mares across the table held their breath, eyes wide as they feared the worse in the krogan’s reaction. 

“Did I... just get shot by a cake?” Grunt asked slowly as he brushed frosting off of his face.

“Yes...yes you did,” Liara told him as she warily eyed the party cannon. 

“Assaulted with cake… that’s a new one on me.” Garrus eased his pistol back into it’s place on his hip, clearly relieved to see that Grunt was not actually hurt. 

“Not for me… the end of school-year ‘food fight’ is something of a rite of passage back where I grew up.” Kaidan offered, also relaxing.

“What is... that?” Liara managed, nodding at what looked to her like a crude mortar painted blue with two angling-wheels that had flowers emblazoned on them. 

“This is my party cannon!” Pinkie replied with a grin. “It shoots parties!”

“And Krogan apparently.” Garrus said, holstering his pistol. “In the future... warn us before you fire it?”

“But then it wouldn’t be a surprise!” Pinkie said, clearly mystified at the turian’s failure to comprehend a simple fact.

“Ambassador’s… Please, accept my apologies on behalf of my friend.” Twilight spoke up in a rush, clearly on the edge of panic. “Pinkie can be a little unpredictable at times and ‘doesn’t know when she needs to cool it!’ she finished her sentence through clencheded teeth, her glare pointedly directed at the pink pony in question, who either ignored it or simply didn’t care as she watched the still cake coated krogan. 

Then, much to the surprise of the gathered ponies, Grunt began to chuckle as he wiped his hand across his face, gathering up a fistful of the frosting before putting it in his mouth.

“Heh, this stuff’s not bad.” Grunt declared. “Little sweet for my taste.” 

“Yep! Butter-cream. I made it myself!” Pinkie said with a wide smile. “You did say you were bored and needed to get hit… so far be it for me to ignore your cultural needs.”

It was all Twilight could do not to face-hoof….hard… at the bizarre logic behind Pinkie’s actions, unsure if her friend was mad or a genius. 

As usual, she wrote it off as an equal measure of both.

“Eeeeehhhhh-heeehh-hheeeehhh.” The Krogan… laughed...for lack of a better term for the odd sound he made, before retaking his seat, his mood clearly lightened in spite of his polished armor being stained by pink frosting. “A species that uses CANNONS to have a good time? THAT’S what the galaxy needs! You’re alright, Pinka Poo!” he told Pinkie who beamed at him.

“Pinkie Pie.” The mare corrected, but it did not dampen her grin. 

Twilight let out an internal sigh, grateful that the nearly disastrous event had been defused. 

In spite of the way that they had played it off, Twilight had absolutely taken note of the manner in which both Garrus and Kaidan had reached for the odd metal tools at their hips. And as she remembered well from Celestia’s tale of Kirrahe’s encounter with the manticore, she knew that ‘those’ cannons did ‘not’ shoot parties. 





As the basic exchange of pleasantries had continued and the two groups began to open a dialogue, the only human at the head of the large dining hall table had found himself coming to the realization that things had actually been going quite smoothly… far better than he had first hoped.
Which in turn made him start to wonder when the other shoe would drop. 

As it turned out, the other shoe had been loaded with explosives that, once they had been quite literally detonated, immediately snapped the Commander out of his relatively relaxed state and into a surge of combat-preparation that was second nature in spite of his past months of inactivity. 

However, as he began to draw for the pistol at his waist he found his arm completely immobilized as it glowed a faint blue. His eyes narrowed as he attempted to move his hands but he found that it was a wasted effort. He looked up to see Princess Luna glaring daggers at him, her horn glowing a very faint blue.

“You will not attempt to draw your weapon on our subjects.” she managed through clenched teeth, barely controlled malice prevalent in her voice as her glare remained focused on the human. Shepard was about to respond with an angry retort when Tali put a three fingered hand on his shoulder.

“It’s alright Shawn.” Tali stated in a soft, almost cooing tone. “Grunt is fine, see, he’s getting up and not blood raging. Knowing him, he probably requested it, you know… told them to hit him with their best shot. Everything is alright.” 

The man let out a breath slowly and nodded as he took note of Grunt standing, then laughing in his unique, bassy laugh. Trying to let go of the tension that had almost set his muscles ridged, he let out a breath before turning back to Luna. 

“Princess… I can respect your position… but when I hear an explosion and see a large weapon being pointed at one of my crewmembers by one of your ‘subjects’, I tend to get defensive.” Shepard growled. “We are not here to start a fight, but that doesn’t mean we’ll ignore threats.” he continued, menace easily detectable in his voice. “Now let go of my arm.”

There was a tense second… then another as Shepard and Luna’s eyes were locked, the glow remaining in place around Shepard’s gripped firearm as neither looked away. 

“Sister!” Celestia’s tone was soft, but there was a defined measure of steel behind it which drew the blue alicorn’s eyes away, taking in the disapproving expression of the larger mare. 

Slowly, feeling returned to Shepard’s hand, followed by an unpleasant pins-and-needles sensation as he was able to grip the firearm tighter in the release from Luna’s grasp. He held it in place a moment, as if needing to take the time to decide what to do with it before bringing it back down to his hip, where it attached to it’s magnetic holster and collapsed. 

“How did you do that?” He asked through gritted teeth. 

“Magic,” Luna answered simply.

Shepard stifled a growl. “I see.”

“Commander Shepard, while I can appreciate your own position. Please keep in mind that either myself or Luna are fully capable of making you regret any ‘hasty actions’ that you or your fellow ambassadors might take. Accidental or otherwise,” Celestia informed him smoothly, though he caught a firmness to the undertone to her voice. “We have agreed to permit your defensive armaments for the sake of your personal peace of mind. But that does not mean that we condone their presence. And we certainly do not approve of their use while in our lands. And as my sister has just demonstrated, while they are a danger to our little ponies… they are not so formidable a defense against us.”   

“Is that a threat, your Majesty?” Shepard asked calmly.

“Not at all,” Celestia said. “It is a fact, Commander.”

“Princess...if I may.” Kirrahe spoke up from his place opposite Cadence, with whom he had been holding a quiet conversation with until the sudden explosion and stand-off, of which Cadence and Shining were both still in mute shock over. It was clear from the way that he waved down Talan (who had one hand on the hilt of his hip-slung blade) that he felt it necessary to defuse the situation. “I urge you to keep in mind that the galaxy is still reeling from the events of the Reaper War and to remember that every one of us here at this table today are veterans of that conflict. As such, we are all still somewhat ‘on edge’, especially in regards to explosions.”

Celestia sighed, clearly able to appreciate the salarian’s insight.

“Yes, of course you are right Kirrahe,” the mare said before turning to Shepard. “I apologize Commander, but as you can surely understand that our first responsibility is to the wellbeing of our subjects above all else.” 

To this, Shepard nodded his head slowly.

It was true, he could respect a leader who saw the safety and wellbeing of their people as being more important than saving face or playing nice with diplomats. 

Unfortunately, the opposite side of that coin was the fact that it was his friends that were in the sights as potential threats.  

“It’s... alright,” he managed slowly, however his eyes flitted over to Luna who was still eyeing him icily.

“You seem tired Commander,” Celestia stated, clearly trying to move off of the subject and drawing Shepard’s gaze away from the Lunar Diarch. His eyebrows rose in surprise.

“What makes you say that?” He asked her cautiously. 

“I have had more than four thousand years to learn how to read ponies, and most of those years were spent as a monarch. While we are quite different in many ways, you are not so alien to us that such cues can go unnoticed.” Celestia answered plainly.

“Hold on… Four  thousand years?” Tali exclaimed in surprise, catching what Celestia had said before consulting her omni-tool.

“Four Thousand, Two-hundred and twenty-six this summer to be precise.” Celestia answered casually with a slight smile. 

Tali, meanwhile, was checking the translation software for errors. 

“Wait, am I translating that right? No, there must be some other explanation, a calendar incompatibility or … something. You can’t be that old!”

“Why not?” Celestia asked with a sly smirk. 

“Be-because that should be impossible!” Tali protested. “Organic beings simply don’t live that long. Even the Asari and the krogan, with their regenerative biology, can’t live past a thousand.” 

Celestia shrugged slightly. “I am not your ‘typical’ organic being, Admiral Tali’Zorah. My sister and I are Alicorns and our lives are long. It is how our Mother shaped us.” 

“I… don’t know if I can believe that.” Tali shook her head. “Things decay… cells age… even stars eventually die.” 

“As shall I, some day.” Celestia nodded, her amused expression touched with a hint of sadness. “I never claimed to be immortal, Admiral. In fact I am quite well past the mid-point of my life span. Should fortune favor me, I should have perhaps another thousand left before my age begins to show through, give or take a century in either direction,” she added.

“That is quite a claim, your Highness.” Shepard’s brows knit together. “And it would make you the eldest living being in the known galaxy.”

“Shepard, you’re forgetting about Javik,” Tali told him. 

“Javik doesn’t count Tali, he was asleep the whole time,” Shepard replied.

“And the Thorian.” 

“The Thorian was a plant...and it’s dead… so it doesn’t qualify either way.” 

“And who’s fault is that?” Tali teased playfully before she seemed to remember her surroundings and very quickly changed the subject, turning to Luna. “Errr.. I mean, What about yourself, Princess Luna.” 

“My age is of no consequence, Admiral.” The lunar diarch huffed, although it was unclear if her tone was insulted, or if she simply did not want to compare herself to the elder sister. “Suffice to say I am most likely the second eldest being at this table today.” 

“For the record, I’m only twenty-eight.” Cadence popped in, as if feeling the need to assert that she did not share her aunt’s advanced years. 

“I am actually more interested in he you would compare to us. Who is this ‘Jah-vick’?” Luna queried.

“Javik is a friend of mine, but suffice to say his story is a little complicated.” the Commander answered with a fond smile. “He is the last surviving member of a species known as the Protheans, who until very recently were given credit for a great deal of the advanced technology found in ruins across the galaxy. He comes across as grim and fatalistic at first, but once he warms up to you...well, he’s still a grim, brooding figure, but in all honesty, you can’t really blame him.”

“I would imagine that being the last of his species must be hard,” Celestia reasoned with a frown. “Though, I know of someone who is the only of his species and I would hope that your Javik is not like him. I do not believe that the galaxy would survive another Discord.”

“Javik takes life in stride at least.” Shepard replied. “Since the end of the Reaper War, he has become something of a galactic celebrity. When I spoke with him last, he and Liara were working on putting together a book on his people.” 

“Intriguing, I might like to meet this ‘Prothean’ should our efforts here bear fruit.” Celestia nodded. 

“Speaking of which, your Majesty.” Shepard decided it was time to steer the conversation more towards business and further away from random topics. “There are important matters that do need to be discussed. I appreciate the gravity of our presence on your world and we are grateful that you have decided to open a dialogue with the Citadel. But I have to ask: where do we go from here? ” 

“You do not have that all planned out already?” Celestia queried, and Shepard got the distinct impression that she was set to re-evaluate her plan based on his answer. 

“This is your world, Princess Celestia.” Shepard stated, folding his hands together. “We don’t presume to tell you what is best for your people or how you should handle this issue. What comes next is a big step and I am certainly not so hypocritical as to come here in the name of peace and then begin demanding you to adhere to our judgements. As far as I can see, the direction this goes is up to you. And as the Citadel Council’s appointed representative, I am asking: ‘What’s next?’ ” 

With every word, Shepard could just hear the voices of Councillors and Generals screaming in his ear, telling him he was setting a dangerous precedent with this species and undermining his mission. The part of his brain that was listening to them made an eloquent hand gesture in their direction and continued onwards, their shouting unheeded and ignored.

Kirrahe’s conversation with Prince Armor stopped as the two turned towards the clearly pressing issue that had been on everypony’s mind since the beginning of the affair. It was a sound question of course: as there were precious few plans in place for the circumstances of visitors from the heavens in the laws and ceremonies of Equestria. 

Celestia and Luna shared a thoughtful glance before the solar diarch smiled warmly, her tone calm and confident. A sign that shepard took as to mean that he had given her the proper answer. 

“My sister and I have discussed the matter at length and we have come to the conclusion that Equestria cannot in good conscious make this decision ourselves. Not when it will have such an impact on our entire world. When we received word of your impending arrival, messages were sent out to the leaderships of the Civil Nations of Equus.” 

Cadence’s eyes widened at this declaration, an emotional cue that Shepard couldn’t help but pick up on as her wings suddenly spread out, a gesture he translated as ‘shock’. 

“Auntie Tia? You’re invoking the Equus Pact!?” 

There was a defined degree of fear in the young alicorn’s voice, although the significance of this was not something that Shepard was privy too...neither it seemed was Cadence’s husband, who gave his wife a confused look. 

“No, Cadence.” Celestia inclined an eyebrow. “Our message gives a brief summary of the situation as we understood it five days ago and has offered an invitation for representatives from the Civil Nations to come and take part in these affairs. No invocation was issued and they are well within their rights to remain neutral and stay out of the proceedings if they wish. As per the the Discordian Accords they have seven days to attend. We sent the missive five days ago so they have until sunset on the day after tomorrow to arrive. I suspect representatives will begin to show up on our doorsteps this evening and I am certain that you can begin to open a dialogue with all of the attending representatives from the major races the following morning.”  

“So two days.” Shepard nodded, grateful that he was not going to simply be thrown in front of an assembly of unknown alien species right away. That gave him time to think and try to find out more about the situation. His most immediate concern of course was intel, of which he had very little. 

“You say other races, I assume you mean the other thinking species besides the Equestrians. Just how many representatives are we talking about here?” Shepard asked slowly.

“We are unsure,” Luna answered. “Not all of them have the ability to send instantaneous messages via mana-fire as we can so we will not know for certain until they arrive. If the Griffin High Houses have managed to stop fighting amongst each other long enough to pick a representative, then their emissary should arrive fairly soon. The Lupin Dominion is certain to attend as well, as they are among Equestria’s closest allies and trading partners. And we have received word from The Dragon Lords of the Ring of Fire that somedrake is already on the way.”

“Well, this sounds a little bigger than we had anticipated.” Tali shook her head, bringing one hand to her domed face plate before asking. “If that is who will definitely be coming then what about the others? I mean, how big could this get.”

“Their participation would be appreciated, but I cannot claim to know with certainty that they will attend. You see, some of the other species are a bit… unpredictable. The Minotaurian Empire for example may or may not attend solely depending on Grand-Chief Indomitable’s mood when he gets the letter. The Buffalo Tribes are likewise very fragmented, they may send no-one, or they could send a representative for each of their twenty tribes, I could not say.” Celestia continued.  “And lastly there are the Mer, although they do not often grace anywhere with their presence.”

“The Mer?” Shepard inquired with a raised eyebrow. This was a new one, and he sincerely hoped that it was not what he was thinking it was. 

“They are a secretive race who lives beneath the sea,” Cadence supplied. “They’re often called ‘Sea Ponies’ by those who do not know their true name, but they come above the waves so rarely that most Equestrians believe they are a myth. They’re extremely gifted in water-based magics.”

“As well as arrogance.” Luna sneered, “King Tsunami long ago set himself up as a god-like figure and is deluded enough to believe his own myths.” 

Shepard said nothing, but couldn’t help but wonder if there was just a bit of hypocrisy coming off of the Lunar Princess. After all, judging from the reactions and interactions that he had seen so far, along with Kirrahe’s report, the common equestria saw these two mares as nothing less than god-like themselves. 

“I see...” He stated simply, trailing off.

“And that would be all who would attend…” 

“That is not everyone.” Luna spoke up, interrupting Celestia. “You are neglecting the Wasteland Hives.”

At the mention of the last group Shepard noticed Shining Armor’s eyes narrowed angrily as did Cadence’s and (much to Shepard’s surprise) Celestia’s.

“Wait! Did we invite the changelings?” Shining Armor asked Luna, his voice coming out at a low growl.

Luna frowned. “Yes Shining Armor I am well aware of your feelings on that matter, and ordinarily they would be my own. But I do not believe that they can or should be excluded from this affair. It is simply not fair.”

The stallion snorted. “Yeah, and was what they did fair?”

Shepard and Tali shared a look before they both glanced to Kirrahe, who merely shrugged, clearly as in the dark on the subject as the two of them were. 

“I’m sorry if I am prying into something here…” Shepard started, trying to tread carefully. “ But I take it that these ‘changelings’ have caused trouble?”

“That... would be putting it mildly, Commander Shepard.” Cadence said with a frown.

“What did they do?” Tali inquired innocently.

“They kidnapped me, replaced me with an imposter for the weeks leading up to our wedding and brainwashed Shiny in an attempt to perform a coup d'etat over Equestria.” Cadence answered, her tone surprisingly flat and for the first time since they had sat at the table, the Princess of Love had lost her kind smile. “And when Twilight discovered the conspiracy, they attempted to take Canterlot by force, causing horrific damage both to the city and the lives of it’s citizens.” 

“And we’re bringing these people to negotiate?” Shepard asked in surprise. “Why?”

“Good question,” Shining seconded.

“They will not be joining us,” Celestia stated with a strict certainty.  

“Sister it would not be right to exclude them from such an important-”

“Then they should not have imprisoned me in a cocoon and ravaged my City!” Celestia actually raised her voice, cutting the lunar diarch off. The sisters locked eyes and Shepard felt the tension at the table skyrocket as the Princess’s outburst had drawn the attention of the entire table.

Silence reigned for a moment, Shepard watching with fascination as a silent conversation seemed to pass between the two Alicorns. unsure of what else to do, the human was about to speak up again when a bell rang suddenly behind the Princess’ head. 

As if on cue a doors to the dining area opened to allow access to about a dozen unicorns, each pushing a trolley along in front of them.

“Ah, Your Majesties and Esteemed Guests!” A particularly debonair and dapperly dressed pony spoke up, clearly unaware of the situation he was walking into as he drew the attention to himself.  “Luncheon is served. I do hope that our dishes are to your liking. Chef Cloudwing has been working very hard to make sure that you were provided with nothing but the best.” He stated, the identically groomed and dressed waiters moving with an almost choreographed, fluid manner as they approached the table, lifting the trays in various colored auras and setting them out. 

“Yes, I do hope that in his quest for excellence he has not emotionally scarred any of the kitchen staff, Gracious.” Celestia spoke up, her earlier outrage suddenly hidden behind a kind and motherly smile while a unicorn deposited a simple looking salad before her. 

“Of that I can make no promises, your grace.” the unicorn, Gracious Host, bowed his head before moving up towards Shepard’s right. It was clear that he was nervous, but to his credit, the unicorn was doing a fine job of masking his unease around the bipedal aliens with an aura of professionalism. 

The dish containing a perfect likeness of the picture Shepard had selected was set out in front of him, and much to his surprise, it smelled quite good. However, after a moment, Gracious turned to the exo-suited woman at Shepard’s side with an apologetic expression. 

“I beg your Pardon, Admiral, but the kitchens informed me that you did not place an order. Was there nothing to your liking?” 

“Oh it’s not that.” Tali shook her head. “I am sure that your chef is incredibly talented and that his meals would be delicious… but they are just… not compatible with me.”  

Gracious nodded, offering another apology as the unicorns worked, quickly setting out the various plates of food in front of them until only Tali and Garrus were without.  
As the waiters moved away, Celestia looked at Tali with a sorrowful look.

“I’m sorry that we have nothing to offer you, Admiral Tali’Zorah. Major Kirrahe informed us of your species’ health problems and the effect our foods would have.” She offered, sounding quite sincere. 

Tali shrugged unconcernedly and reached down to her waist to retrieve a tube like device with a straw attached to the end that immediately reminded the gathered ponies of a tube of toothpaste. “I’m a quarian, Princess. Don’t worry, it comes with the territory.” 

Celestia nodded, clearly grateful for the diversion, and began to eat. 





Further down the table, Garrus had pulled out a military issue MRE and already begun to chow down, the thin, jerky like slivers of a once prominent, now nearly extinct palaven-native pack animal once raised as cattle.

Pinkie’s eyes perked up as she saw it, ignoring the towering ice-cream sundae placed in front of her. “Oooh is that some super-special alien food stuff? Can I have some?”

“Not unless you want to enjoy a very painful death,” Garrus replied pointedly.

“Oh my... I had no idea that your people could be so... territorial when it came to food!” Rarity exclaimed, her eyebrows rising in surprise as she held a simple sandwich stuffed with flowers daintily in a glowing aura (how a biotic field could be dainty, the turian had no idea, yet Rarity managed to pull it off.) 

Rainbow Dash chuckled. “Actually, it kinda reminds me of your cat, Rarity.”

The fashionista shot Dash an unamused look. “Opal would never be so uncouth,” she said, turning up her nose at the other mare.

“Yeah, so you say. I’ve seen how fast your hoof moves when you put milk down for that killer fuzzball.” 

“Actually,”Garrus said, cutting the two off before they could begin to argue and trying not to take offence at being compared to an Equestrian’s pet. “It’s because turian food is toxic to anyone who can’t digest dextro amino acids. Which is pretty much anyone who isn’t either a turian like myself...or a quarian like the Admiral.” He motioned to the suited woman sitting further up the table from them. 

“She eats toothpaste?” Pinkie asked, her simple question causing Kaidan to burst into laughter while even Liara and Grunt managed to smirk at that comment. 

Twilight raised an eyebrow as she observed. 

Some aliens could only eat a certain kind of food while others ate the same sort of things she could…  and anypony else who ate turian or quarian food would die? 

She shook her head... she hadn’t realized just how huge and complicated the galaxy beyond Equestria could be, but in this one simple lunch, her guests had given her more to think about than all of the science fiction novels she’d ever read. 

One thing was for sure, she still had a lot more to learn, and what better way was there to learn than by asking questions?

“So, only turians and quarians can eat dextro-amino foods? Are there any other races out there that have a specific diet? How about living conditions? Are all species on your worlds at the same level of advancement in terms of technology? What level is Equestria at as opposed to others? And-” Twilight began quickly listing off questions until Liara held up a hand to silence her.

“Your Highness, as much as we would enjoy answering each and every one of your questions, I’m afraid that there is simply too much to talk about over the course of one lunch.” The asari offered, having only just begun to stir the bowl of broth in front of her with a spoon now that her omni-tool had determined it was perfectly compatible with her physiology. 

“I’m sorry if I seem a little over-anxious. It’s just… well… I don’t know if I can describe how exciting this all is from an academic standpoint.” 

“Don’t worry, Princess Sparkle, I think we can understand it just fine.” Kaidan offered, causing the lavender alicorn to blush. 

“Please, Kaidan… just Twilight is fine. I really haven’t had this crown or these wings long enough to be comfortable with that title.” 

Kaidan was about to inquire into exactly what Twilight meant by not having had her wings before Liara cut him off, setting down her spoon as one hand maneuvered over her omni-tool. 

“Actually, Twilight, I think that I ‘can’ help you with your wish to learn more about us.” The asari offered before a small light suddenly jumped up from a disk of light in her hand. 

Within a few moments, the light expanded and began to form a glowing white sphere that seemed to be turning and twisting around a central eye.  

Twilight’s eyes were wide with wonder. 
What sort of magic was this? 

“This…” Liara said, tapping her omni-tool and causing the VI to spark to life as it was released from it’s capsulized ‘stand-by’ mode and returned to full functionality.  “Is Glyph.” 

“Glyph 4.0 online. Good afternoon, representatives of the Equestrian Species.” The info-drone offered, his ‘eye’ turning and looking over the surroundings as the advanced VI 

“Oh my goodness!” Twilight almost fell back out of her seat. “A familiar! How could you... I thought they were just an old pony’s tale! Summoning spirits and ghosts and things like that to do your bidding.” Twilight exclaimed.

Liara cocked her head to the side, trying not to laugh at the blatantly inaccurate and superstitious manner in which Twilight had referred to her drone. It helped sober her as she considered that the being who had made the reference was a purple alicorn princess whom (based on the references made during the course of the conversation with the other elements) was perhaps the most potentially powerful being at the table . 

“No, Glyph is not supernatural by any means, he is simply a highly intelligent VI.. or a ‘virtual’ intelligence. There’s nothing inherently ‘magical’ about him,” she said stated.

“You have used that term before… Vee-Aye. But if it’s not a familiar, then what exactly is it?” Twilight inquired, tilting her head from side to side as she observed the floating, constantly spinning sphere of light.  

“Glyph.” Liara nodded, her fingers pressing the commands and directing her pet drone to answer all questions presented to it classified below a specific level of security. “If you would kindly answer Princess Twilight’s question.” 

“I would be delighted to, Dr. T’soni.” Glyph answered, bobbing in a manner that looked almost like a nod before turning it’s eye directly towards Twilight. “A ‘VI’ , or Virtual Intelligence, is the designation given to programs, computer systems, and processing units designed to emulate organic behavior patterns. Role functions vary from data analysis, record keeping, complex calculations, and general assistance. In many upper-echelon models, such as my own, a holographic avatar acts as a direct interface, allowing ease of interaction and organically prefered aural data-transfer.”  

“It’s so... shiny!” Pinkie exclaimed, her eyes wide as she stared into the blue orb. The others were equally mesmerized by the VI’s appearance, although if any of them aside from the Princess truly comprehended what it was saying, they showed no signs. 

“So...are you a machine...or are you alive?” Twilight asked hesitantly, unsure if this ‘glyph’ was simply the alien equivalent of a talking-book… or if it was a thinking being itself. 

“I am a custom designed Info-drone capable of a wide range of data-coordinating softwares. While sophisticated, my systems are strictly digital and incapable of evolution or self modification, both of which are required to ascend to true Artificial Intelligence status. My personality is the result of a complex program and the assemilation of traits I have processed since my initial activation. I possess intelligence, but not self-awareness.”

“It’s…. so … shiny…” Pinkie stated again, her eyes trained on the orb like a pony-entranced by a lava-lamp. 

“What does that ‘mean’ exactly?” Applejack inquired, herself unsure and clearly out of her depth. 

“It means… Glyph has a brain… but doesn’t have a heart.” Twilight summarized as best she could, trying to herself not be overwhelmed by the concept of a mechanical life created by their alien guests. 

Further down the table, Shepard was watching the scene with a troubled expression as Tali activated Chatika , her pet security drone, which won the same attention from the rulers of the Crystal Empire as a puppy would in an Earth kindergarten classroom.  

‘They are so easily impressed by technology.’ Shepard thought to himself. The ramifications were especially troubling given the circumstances. ‘If they’re not careful, some volus will scam them out of the rights to their system in exchange for children’s toys.'

In truth, the scene had him more than slightly concerned. 

He was being presented with a corporate negotiator’s dream, an exceedingly naive group that had little other choice than to trust everything that he had to say in regards to the rest of the galaxy and likely had no concept of the value they truly possessed. 

And stealing a quick glance to the diarch’s of Equestria, who had paused their meal to watch the two drones themselves, he had the feeling that he was not the only one who was concerned. 





'This is... most worrisome, Sister. These ‘drones’ are nothing like what the major described VI’s to us. Machines with faces and voices,' Luna murmured within Celestia’s mind. 

'I see them, Luna. And while it does twist my stomach to see these… things… they are apparently an intrical part of the galactic society. Look at how casually they display them,' Celestia replied warily as she eyed the machine. 

'Tools capable of containing the knowledge of a thousand libraries and being able to summon up any obscure bit of trivia at any instant. To have access to such knowledge at will without a need to earn it... we are truly out of our depths here,' Luna mentally quivered as her eyes shifted to Celestia, who was keeping a calm face.

'And knowledge is power. Yes, I am well aware Luna.' Celestia replied. 'I had thought that Kirrahe’s translation ability to be the extent of what these machines were capable of, but it appears I was mistaken.'

'I am less concerned with the tools that are being shown to us than I am about how they could easily be used as an advantage against us', Luna said.

'It may be difficult at times, but growing up always is. Just as a mare cannot simply return to her fillyhood ways because she becomes afraid of adult life, we cannot simply turn back at this point. I have faith that we will overcome and adapt to this trial like all the others we have been faced with,' Celestia responded. 

'Yes, but this ‘adulthood’ you speak of is full of new and numerous dangers. Is your garden big enough to handle them all? Is the moon? Do we truly have room for all those who would seek to harm us, Sister?' Luna argued back as she stabbed her fork into her salad, her mental tone frigid.

'We will do what we must.' Celestia stated, closing the mental link for the time being and going back to eating. Luna snorted quietly to herself and turned back to her own food. 

Shepard had turned back in time to catch sight of the alicorns gazing at each other... there was something odd about the gaze, almost as if they’d been having a discussion of some kind. Luna’s snort had been another indication that there was something odd going on between them.

Lunch passed them by fairly quickly, Shepard had to give his compliments to the chef’. While the first contact had not gone exactly according to plan, by the end of his meal, his frayed nerves had begun to mend once more. 





“It was a pleasure meeting you all….” Shepard stated, walking between Princess’ Celestia and Luna as the three of them moved back out into the sun filled garden area where the Kodiak had remained parked. All about the kodiak, the various members of both groups were speaking on various subjects: Most notably where Liara was informing Twilight of Glyph’s functions and limitations for the proposed ‘cultural exchange’ the info drone had been volunteered into. “And I have to thank you for probably one of the better meals I’ve had recently, but I’m afraid we will need to return to our ship for the time being,” 

“The pleasure was ours, of course.” Celestia replied with a small smile. “I am certain that your compliments will brighten up Chef Cloudwing’s disposition for at least a full ten seconds before he returns to terrorizing the kitchen staff.” 

“Commander, you’ll forgive me if I come across as foalish for asking this, but is it truly necessary for you to leave us so soon?” Luna asked, although under her tone Shepard got the distinct impression of suspicion. “We have gone to some lengths to prepare lodgings for yourself and your fellow Ambassadors. I do hope that our hospitality was not wasted.” 

“Lu…” Celestia’s tone had a hint of warning in it, clearly not taking well with the younger alicorn’s tone. 

“Your preparations are appreciated, and if it were a matter of comfort, I would certainly take you up on your offer.” Shepard nodded, managing to maintain a degree of calm as he tried to side-step what some might think a cultural faux-pas. “But we need to return to the Normandy in order to prepare for the arrival of the other diplomats as well as to make sure the Council remains appraised of our progress.” 

“They cannot wait for our dealings to be complete?” Luna inquired, again the question feeling as though it had significant implications hidden under it. 

“Quantum Entanglement Technology has made them rather spoiled, I’m afraid.” Shepard shrugged, paying no heed to the confused expressions that fell over both princess’ faces at the term. “They have taken a great interest in building a relationship with Equus and expect frequent and detailed summaries as soon as possible..” 

“I can sympathize with that, I suppose.” Celestia nodded, coming to a stop when the three came up to the Kodiak itself. “As a leader with so many demands on my attention, it would be convenient if I did not have to attend summits in far away places, yet still be able to keep up with the day to day goings-on.” 

“Hey, Shepard!” Garrus called out suddenly, interrupting the two royal diarchs and the commander as he approached. “Real quick, needed to run something by you. You see-” 

The turian didn’t get a chance to speak up as Rainbow Dash rushed to his side, moving with a speed that nearly made Shepard dive out of the way as he first interpreted her acceleration as a vanguard biotic charge. 

“I want to go up there with you guys!” The prismatic toned mare announced, clearly too impatient to let Garrus finish his sentence. 

“Wait, you do?” Shepard asked in surprise, taken aback by her enthusiasm and request. In his peripheral vision, he could make out the looks of concern that had overtaken both Princesses’ faces. 

“Are you kidding?! I have the opportunity to go into space! Onto an actual real life spaceship!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed with a broad smile. “Hay yes I want to go! I’ll be the first pegasus ever to move beyond the stratosphere boundary!”  

“Oooh, OHHH I want to go too!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed, bouncing into view up and down next to Rainbow in a manner which Shepard would have sworn her equine body shouldn’t have been able to handle. 

Celestia stepped forward, moving up past the Commander as she looked over the both of them in shock.

“You do?” She inquired. 

Both nodded their heads rapidly, causing Celestia to turn back to Shepard with a questioning expression “Commander?”

Shepard frowned. “I don’t know...”

“My friends, while I admire your enthusiasm,” Luna began, her tone one of concern. “It is perhaps too early for such requests. There is still much to do here in Equestria to prepare for the upcoming delegations.” 

“The Elements of Loyalty and Laughter are not required for those preparations, Sister.” Celestia spoke up suddenly. “If Commander Shepard has no opposition to allowing our little ponies a tour of his ship, then I see no reason why not.” 

“Tia~” Luna managed, her voice taking on an odd, almost sing-songy quality that did not match her eyes, which suddenly hardened upon hearing this. 

“Actually, Shepard. Kaiden and I would like to request permission to remain planetside.” Garrus stated, motioning to the other human, who was deep in conversation with Prince Armor. “And I believe that Kirrahe will be staying as well. The Major said something about a briefing on the other species that are in route and I doubt that his shadow will be leaving until he does.” 

“Really?” Shepard asked with a raised eyebrow, finding himself intensely curious as to why the turian and the human sentinel would be interested in remaining on the planet of the ponies. “Any reason in particular.” 

“Kaiden and I have been speaking with Prince Armor, he’s offered us a tour of the grounds as well as a chance to observe a parade grounds drill of the Royal Guard.” Garrus explained. “The Prince has also requested a ‘demonstration’ of some of our tools and armaments in a controlled setting.” 

Shepard considered for a moment, quickly realizing exactly what the turian was getting at with his request. As the two silently exchanged a knowing glance, Shepard merely nodded. 

“Well, if you have no issue with taking care of my friends, Princess, I suppose I can return the favor and take care of Miss Dash and Pie.” Shepard nodded.

While Shepard had been speaking with Garrus however, Celestia had been engaging Luna in a mental conversation

’Sister! you cannot be seriously condoning this!’ Luna exclaimed. ‘Have you gone MAD?’

’Consider it an act of good faith,’ Celestia stated.

'I cannot believe that you are honestly suggesting that we allow them to take two of our little ponies up into space with them where they will be completely outside of our reach!' Luna replied angrily. 'The risk is far too great!'

Celestia let a mental snicker pass over their link. 'Lulu, think about it for a moment... one of those two ponies is Pinkie Pie.'

Luna paused for a moment, and then soberly stated.

'Then may Equus have mercy on their souls.'

Celestia nodded her head and smiled at Shepard. 

“I see no problems with this arrangement.”

“YES!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed with a wide grin and pumping a hoof into the air. Pinkie smiled happily and began to bounce in place with joy. 

The Commander merely raised an eyebrow at the scene, already starting to regret his decision.

While that was going on off to the side Liara stood talking with Princess Cadence. 

“And this ‘Glyph’ is not dangerous, is it?” Cadence asked. “Not that I don’t trust you Doctor, but I fear your gift may cause her no small amount of harm.”

“Of course not, your Majesty! Glyph is harmless I assure you,” Liara shook her head. “His combat functions are almost non-existent. The most he could possibly do would be to administer a minor shock to her system if she attempted to do anything truly dangerous, such as attempting to open his core  with physical force.”

“Oh, it is not that I fear your machine will do harm to her, my fear is that Twilight will now spend the next few weeks on a study-binge the likes of which Canterlot has never before seen.” Cadence shook her head, torn between concern and amusement at the mental image of a sleep deprived Twilight attempting to keep up with the ever-awake drone . “She can often be her own worst enemy. Thank you, all the same for your generous offer. I just worry about her. Old habits and all that.”

The asari smiled. “Think nothing of it, hopefully Glyph can answer all of her questions.”

“I doubt that,” Cadence said. “I have known Twilight since she was a little unicorn filly. And if I can say nothing else of her, she may well be the most determined and driven mare that Equestria has ever seen on her quest for knowledge.” she continued with a small chuckle. “Anyways, it was a pleasure to meet you Doctor T’soni.” Cadence offered Liara her hoof to shake. 

Liara took the offered hoof and gave it an easy shake. 

For some reason, almost immediately as her fingers closed around Cadence’s surprisingly soft and dainty hoof, the Princess’ eyes widened and a soft grin came over her muzzle.  

“Oh, congratulations,” the mare stated simply with a grin, drawing a confused look from the archaeologist turned Shadow-Broker. .

“For?” Liara asked, raising an eye-ridge

“Your foal,” Cadence replied simply, still grinning. “Congratulations.”

The asari’s eyes shot wide open. “Wha-what?”

“I’m sure that the father must be very happy,” Cadence continued. Liara’s world stopped for a moment as a thousand implications settled in an icy pit inside her chest before she found her balance once more and then slowly turned to stare at Shepard and Tali, who were climbing into the Kodiak together and calling to get Grunt’s attention away from Applejack and Rarity.

“I...I’m not so sure,” Liara stuttered. “Please... excuse me, your Highness.” She rushed off in the direction of the shuttle leaving behind a puzzled Cadence.

Odd, considering the feelings that she has for him,  I assumed that she was a member of their herd... Cadence thought to herself as she eyed Shepard critically with a slightly raised eyebrow.

“Something wrong, dear?” Shining asked as he came up beside her and casually nudged her.

“No... not exactly... just thinking about alien relationships,” Cadence replied, Shining looked at her for a moment and then let out a short bark of laughter.

“Of course you are, dear,” Shining said, shaking his head slightly. “Of course you are.”