//------------------------------// // Hoofing It // Story: Midnight's Tail // by Midnightshadow //------------------------------// Midnight’s Tail Part 2 - Hoofing It *** An MLP:FiM fanfic by Midnight Shadow Thanks to: Chistery, Roy, Blaze, Pride, Peachy Punch and all my readers and editors :3 Set in Blaze’s “Conversion Bureau” universe Original: Equestria Daily - Conversion Bureau *** Midnight rolled out of bed awkwardly and stood up, shaking his great shaggy head to clear it before stumbling over to the mirror to peer bleerily at his reflection. “So,” he said to himself, turning his head left and right, “unicorns have bed-hair too, bed mane I guess I should call it now? And a bad case of it. How am I supposed to brush it?” Just the day before, Midnight Shadow had been a human calling himself Martin Danielson, then everything had changed with a visit to The Conversion Bureau where talking, magical ponies from Equestria had turned him into a unicorn. Everything was going surprisingly well, but daily realities were setting in. Midnight put his hoof up to his mouth and breathed on it before inhaling through his two ample nostrils, checking for morning breath. It sent his eyes derping, “Bad morning breath too, huh? They’ve gotta have something for that...” He examined the room; the bed was a simple yet firm mattress on the floor, there was a single window with venetian blinds and a large, smooth bit for him to bite down on and manipulate now he had no thumbs. The light-switch was a big, nose-level push-button and there were what appeared to be two sinks for washing in. He eyed the fixture he’d thought was a toothbrush holder suspiciously. It was actually a toothbrush. “Cunning,” he said to himself, “now let’s see...” He picked up the tube of toothpaste from the larger sink in his mouth and looked at it in the mirror. It had no cap as such, just some sort of one-way valve. He wondered idly how they made them, whether they even had them in Equestria. Wild horses didn’t exactly brush their teeth, did ‘wild’ ponies? The brush was large and white, a simple yet hopefully effective device. He squeezed some toothpaste onto the bristles after a couple of tries with his lips, and then put the tube back carefully. Gingerly he put the brush in his mouth - it did indeed seem to be a normal toothbrush, fixed to the wall. He whipped his head back and forth carefully and built up a mouth full of foam. He made faces in the mirror trying to check if he’d got everything. It was then he realized there were no taps. He poked his head out of the dorm-room cautiously, it was early morning and he didn’t want to wake anypony up. Stomping through the dimly-lit complex he heard a familiar noise. Spike snoring in a kitty-basket behind the front desk. He’d been put on timeout since he’d stayed up late one too many times playing computer games and had been forbidden from the teamroom. “Spike!” hissed Midnight, “Psst! Wake up! SPIKE!” he nudged the dragon with a hoof insistently until the green and purple shape stirred suddenly. “Wha’? What’s that? Who’s thereaaaAAAARRRRGGHHH!” Spike hiccuped and a green flame shot out of his nostrils, illuminating the room for a brief second. “Oh..ouch..oh god..I’m blind...” there was a crash and a clatter as the startled Midnight knocked the pens and a potted plant off the desk as he stumbled about from sudden combustion of the eyebrows. “Martin? What the hell are you..? Why are you rabid?” the baby dragon poked Midnight in the muzzle pointedly. “I’m not rabid, I was brushing my teeth! And my name’s Midnight now. Midnight Shadow.” he blinked the stars away. “And? Why are you wandering about in the dark?” “I can’t find the taps!” he hissed. “Oh is that all? You woke my nap for that? Newfoals...come on, I’ll help. I guess you want to use the facilities too, huh? Did they show you how to do that even?” Come to think of it, Midnight did feel a little bit...bloated. He shook his head and blushed a little, sending flecks of foam flying through the air. Spike put his paws on his face and sighed, “Twi wrote the checklist, I made sure that was on it. Why me?” Back at Midnight’s dormitory, Spike pointed to the smaller of the two sinks, “I would have thought, with that big old brain of yours, you’d have spotted the pressure plate. Just...put your nose in there. Go on, push.” Midnight did so, and with a sudden gurgle, found water was welling up. He withdrew with a start, and the gurgling stopped. He slurped the water up and gargled...then looked gingerely at Spike. “The other sink. Surely you didn’t think we put two in by mistake?” The big sink was just sitting there, in a quietly porcelein way. Midnight spat, and then swirled a second lot of water and spat again, cleaning it. His breath was minty fresh and apart from the scorch marks he was looking good, “I guess the bed-mane will have to wait until Rarity can teach me how to brush it.” “I can help,” Spike hopped up onto Midnight’s back after grabbing a complimentary hairbrush from the cabinet, “start at the ends down here near the whithers, then move in to the base of the neck, then move up...and repeat...start at the ends...” “Oohh that’s nice...” Midnight closed his eyes, ears splaying out with happiness, a good brushing was something he’d never thought he’d enjoy. It was like a warm happy feeling spreading all the way down to his hooves. “Yeah, I always brush Twi’s mane. Rarity’s when she lets me..” said Spike happily, “Ah, Rarity...” Spike brushed extra tenderly, daydreaming. “...and now it feels weird again. Off.” Spike pouted, but hopped off, “Okay then, the facilities. This way...” *** Spike led the way through the complex, and pointed out at the garden, “Most of the staff just heads out ‘round the back. If you do you'll find the place." “Fragrant?” asked Midnight, arching an eyebrow. “I’ll say, they grow the biggest flowers with that stuff.” Midnight stopped for a second, and shook his head, that hadn’t been quite what he’d meant, “Well thanks, but no thanks. I’d prefer to use the indoor facilities if you please.” “If you say so, down this way then.” The dragon led the way through the complex, only the sound of hooves echoing through the empty cafeteria until they came to some doors marked ‘staff only’. “These are the only pony-ready facilities in the joint. I guess I’m lucky, I can make do with the human ones, but you big guys need heavier-duty gear. Not that they use ‘em. It’s through there...there’s never enough ponies at one time to need separate stalls.” Midnight looked at the doors, there were three - male, female, and pony. Walking in, the place was spotless and looked unused. He remembered it probably was. There was what looked like a urinal on one wall, but it was huge with odd fixtures and a much larger hole than he’d expected. “This the thing?” he called out to Spike, eyeing it suspiciously. “Probably! It’s not like I can see it you know!” called the dragon through the door, “You put your butt up against it, get your tail out the way and let fly. It’s got a special...I’m not sure what humans call it...” With some issues maneuvering, Midnight did so. He felt very, very self-conscious but eventually felt quite relieved, “Now what?” he called out. “Well...there’s a kind of...button on the floor. Push it -” Spike was about to continue with the words ‘very, very carefully’ when there was a loud, girlish shriek and a wild-eyed Midnight came barrelling out the door, eyes rolling and wide. “I...tried to warn you.” “Warn me faster...warn faster next time...and the word you were looking for was bidet...the next pony who gets that treatment may not be so kind...I’m going to go lie down now...” Midnight’s speech was strangely high-pitched and urgent and he was breathing heavily, but at least you could say he was clean, “We shall never speak of this again. Ever.” As Midnight wobbled unsteadily down the corridor with the dragon once again on his back, the staff members were waking up from all the loud noises. He trotted past them all nonchalantly except for one. On seeing Rarity the unicorn, Midnight stopped with a double-take. Her entire muzzle was green; green mud-like substance covered her up to her ears, and cucumbers were somehow balanced over her eyes. There were curlers. “I’ll have you know,” said Rarity, as she heard the hoofsteps die away in front of her, “that beauty like this requires work.” and she turned around in a huff and went back to her room, tail and head held high. “So much for bed.” said Midnight as he noted the corridor rapidly filling with ponies. “Bed?” asked a friendly voice from behind him, he turned to see a yawning Twilight, “I swear you’re as bad as my Spike.” “I resent that!” piped up Spike from Midnight’s back. “If the horse-shoe fits.” said Twilight under her breath, grinning. “I don’t even wear shoes!” complained Spike, folding his arms across his chest, “Especially not horse-shoes!” Midnight turned and started walking away, “Come on Spike, I need to do something and I may need your help.” “Me?” asked the dragon, “What in Equestria do you need me for?” “Thumbs, just in case. We’re going on a short trip outside.” *** Midnight and Spike were chattering about the differences between Equestria and Earth - they shared the same space but had very different mores and customs, not that human culture was entirely uniform. “I’m impressed with your name-choice, Midnight. Very modern of you.” “Huh? How come?” “Well, it’s gender neutral, but traditionally related to the moon, and Princess Luna, and...er...well...she’s related to foaling...” “Are you saying ‘Midnight’ is a girl’s name?” “I..ah..it’s not quite that simple, I mean...I learn a lot of this from Twilight and her books, and...and...you know, nopony really agrees exactly with all of it, and it’s all down to parental choice and the subtle nuances...” Spike babbled on at length before Midnight stopped him. “Spike! Is it?” Spikes ears drooped, “Kinda?” Midnight sighed, stopping in the harsh morning sunlight, “Really? It’s a girl’s name?” “Sorry bro.” He sighed again and continued walking, “Too late to change it, I guess. Anyway, we’re here.” “Where?” Spike, still ensconced on Midnight’s back, looked all around and up and down, they hadn’t walked far from the centre and seemed to be nowhere special. “A ‘Hole in the Wall’ as we call them, there’s not too many left these days. Ever since being ponified, my implant stopped working. Without it, I need some other way to access my bank account.” Midnight pointed with his horn at a booth, “These can be voice-activated. I hope it’ll recognize me. If it doesn’t, that’s where you come in. I have a passcode I can try instead but I’m going to have trouble pushing the buttons.” “Your implant is toast, if it’s still even there,” Spike rolled his eyes and twiddled a claw at his temple, “something about the ponification process knocks ‘em out. Twilight won’t let me get one.” “I’m not sure you could if she’d let you, they’re made for humans.” he turned the booth, “Station, activate - citizen Danielson, Martin, requesting voice confirm.” “Voice Ident unsuccessful, Visual Ident unsuccessful.” the machine answered in a smooth, disinterested timbre. Spike’s mouth dropped open and his eyes shone. For better or worse, the little dragon loved the cool gadgets that populated Earth. Midnight swore, “er, station, citizen Danielson, Martin has undergone radical...surgery...requesting retinal scan, compensate for size differential, weight differential and voice tone.” “Scanning...surgical changes compensated for. Pattern matched. Welcome, Citizen.” “Oh thank goodness. I was thinking we’d have to go to my apartment...” Spike looked entirely too unhappy with the success, thought Midnight, but he didn’t really fancy trying to pull all the seats out of his car and overriding the guidance computer to let them travel with no seatbelts. “Spike, do you guys have a...an account? I mean I don’t have much but it’s the last thing standing in my way. Call it a token gesture, but I want to step into Equestria shod of my past life.” “I...I have an account!” said Spike hopefully “I tell you what, I’ll send you my computer games, IF you promise not to play them past ten at night.” “Awww...” “and I’ll sweeten the deal with my sixty-inch flatscreen and the holoprojector.” “Sweet!” “I’ll make sure Twilight knows the deal.” “Well that’s no fair.” grumbled the dragon, crossing his paws over his chest and pouting, a little green flame shooting from his mouth. Midnight, using his old name and old persona for what he hoped was the last time in his life, closed up shop. He ordered everything useful to the Conversion Bureau sent to their address, liquidated the rest and transferred the funds to the organization behind them. For an entire life’s work, it was distressingly small. In a strange way though, it helped him make that last step. He really wouldn’t be missed. When he turned around, he was surprised to find two men lurking furtively in an alcove of a closed-up shop. “Gimme yer money.” said one, and the other brandished something that might have been a knife, or a piece of poly-plastic Midnight was taken aback, he knew things were bad but...that bad? “I...does it look like I have pockets in this thing? I don’t have any money to give to you, what would I do with it?” “We heard you, pony, shuttling money about. Your Bureaus are loaded. We want some. Give us a few thousand and we’ll reconsider selling your skin.” “I was getting rid of it and you’re too late, it’s gone.” Spike tensed on Midnight’s back and stood up, holding on to the unicorn’s mane with one claw and pointing at the nearest speaker, “Buddy, you are messing with the wrong pony. This here is Midnight Shadow. I saw him turn a griffon inside out once when he knocked over his drink and refused to pay for a refill. He was thrown out of a dragon’s gambling den for tearing the wings off my cousin, he only made it alive out because I promised to serve Midnight for a year.” “This...you...” the men looked less sure of themselves, glancing at each other. “What the hell are you doing?” hissed Midnight, not taking his eyes off the pair of would-be robbers in front of him. He lowered his horn threateningly, weaving it to and fro. “Make your horn glow!” hissed Spike in Midnight’s ear. “What?” whispered Midnight back, heart beating so loud he could barely hear what the dragon had said. “I said make your horn glow, now!” the dragon turned to the two men again, speaking loudly, “You like having two arms each huh? Well if you don’t get outta here my buddy Midnight’s going to give you wings and a beak - he don’t eat chicken, but I do...” Midnight concentrated, remembering his tongue, but this time concentrating on a simple light-show. To his immense satisfaction, his horn apparently caught on fire with a green, baleful glow. He gritted his teeth and set his shoulders, mumbling nonsense words under his breath just loud enough for the pair to hear as he eyed both the men. That was enough. They dropped their makeshift weapons and fled. When they were gone, Spike all but fell off laughing, “Oh Midnight that was awesome.” “Be that as it may, we gotta get out of here incase they come back.” Midnight was almost shaking. “I suppose I’d better tell Twilight, can’t be having ruffians like that scaring away the customers.” “Where’d you learn to bluff like that?” Midnight asked as they hot-hoofed it back to the centre. “Bluff nothing, you could take ‘em, but those stories? Long story itself. Back in Ponyville there was this unicorn filly called Trixie, she liked to show off a lot. One day, Twilight...” They headed back to the Conversion Bureau, Midnight’s task complete. *** Before the pair could head through the doors, they were almost bowled over by a blue-and-rainbow blur speeding out the other way, Rainbow Dash had her pilots goggles on and was moving at breakneck speed. She spun around them and did a barrel roll before pulling up short and hovering in front of them, “Oh dammit!” Dash looked conspiratorially left and right, “You...you won’t tell on me will you? I’ve been cooped up in there for days and my wings are gonna shrivel off if I don’t see some action! Tell Twi’ ya missed me. Later stud.” She disappeared into the air humming, “getting off the reservation, yeah-la la la laaa la...skippin’ out on Twilight, oh-yeah haha haa haa...” Midnight and Spike exchanged glances and headed in. “Did you see Rainbow Dash?” asked Rarity, innocently, once again working at the reception, “we sent her out to find you, you were getting distressingly close to missing your appointment.” “I...er...must’ve missed her.” “There are lots of windows you know,” said Twilight with a smug smile, “but we don’t need Dash, we need you. Celestia wants to see you and you need to start your orientation.” “What’s a Celestia?” Twilight hung her head, “Nopony told him? Anypony? No? I swear, first and last time...Celestia. Princess Celestia. She’s our ruler.” “Wait...I thought I heard Princess Luna mentioned? Don’t you have a queen?” “No, we don’t have any queens. Just two princesses. Celestia is the elder of the two and raises the sun every morning. Luna is the younger, and raises the moon.” “But...the sun and moon...” Midnight made circular motions with his hooves. “It’s complicated,” said Twilight finally, “but more importantly, you’ll be late if you don’t get ready now.” “Late for what?” Midnight stepped backwards, unsure at all the sudden smiles. “You’re being shipped outta here, silly! To Equestria!” Pinkie bounced in, “As much as we just love having a newfoal around, our replacements are coming and we’re starting to get enquiries.” Pinkie bounced happily again, and then skidded to a stop, “The only problem is I never had the chance for a party.” “Aww, Pinkie Pie, we can party some other time, I’m sure.” “Oh that’s right! You’re headed to Ponyville! I shouldn’t have looked but I peeked! Promise you’ll stay long enough? I get a week off of greeting newfoals and arranging rebirthday parties and stuff and I’d just love a chance to give you a party too!” Midnight wasn’t sure he could withstand that much party, but he nodded. Rarity was next saying goodbye. She simply gave him a quick neck-hug and sniffed quietly. Pinkie Pie kissed him on the nose and Fluttershy squeaked something that sounded like ‘goodbye’. Spike hugged a leg, and scampered off. “I know Dash’ll be mad, but she made her choice.” said Twilight, sadly. “You shouldn’t keep her cooped up here that much, Twilight,” said Midnight gently, remembering the glow the pegasus had had when flitting about freely in the air, “we each need to be in our own element.” “If you’ve learnt that, Midnight, then you really do need to visit Equestria. Come on, out the back to the loading bay. Follow me please. Our other convert is already waiting.” “Other convert? Bu-but I thought I was the first one?” “You were, but not the only. We just finished with him.” “Him? Oh no, you didn’t...he didn’t...” “They did. Check it out I’m a pony! I don’t get why I like it, but I like it! And double-check it, cutie-mark!” Midnight looked, there on the flank of the light-brown earth pony with the dark-brown mane and dark, deep eyes, was a fedora. A fedora with an old-fashioned press-pass sticking out the brim no less. It was then that something clicked; stars, balloons, lightning bolts, butterflies - they all had marks on their flanks. He turned to his own in disappointment, he was still the same blank dark purple-blue he had been before, “but...how...” “We don’t know, to be honest. I’ve never seen another newfoal pop out with a cutie-mark. Some don’t take long, but this guy...it was just there.” “That’s obvious,” said the pony, “a pony’s cutie-mark reflects his life’s ambition, his life’s work.” “And you know what yours is.” said Midnight, raising an eyebrow and flicking his ears. “Damn straight, kid. I’m a reporter. Always was, always will be. funny thing though, they haven’t made these things in...it’s gotta be close on a hundred years?” He pointed with his hoof at the fedora and then back at Twilight, “did I put it there? Did they?” Twilight smiled, “Something to ask when you get to Equestria. Your carriage awaits.” A large animal-transport truck pulled up, belching smoke. It was a diesel, converted long ago to run on bio-fuel but never really patched up. Diesel was cheap and easy to produce; for all the laws enacted around consumer vehicles, diesel was one of the few remaining fuels able to cope with long haul trips with significant freight. When the engine turned off, the large, sturdy tailgate was eased down and in the murky darkness was heard a stamping of hooves and the swishing of tails, “I know it’s not the best, but...we’re trying to make you incognito for as long as possible. Newfoals are still rare enough that you could get swamped. Just your car being parked here the other day, Midnight, was enough to alert the local media...they must have had a...thingy...” “A botnet?” asked Midnight, glancing at the earth pony, who nodded imperceptibly. “One of them things. As much as we’re pleased you decided to join us, we want your transition to be smooth - and being mobbed at every rest-stop between here and Equestria won’t do at all.” “So we’re travelling with normal terran ponies?” “We’re not all normal terran ponies in here.” came a new voice, and a yellowish-orange pegasus pony stepped carefully out of the back of the truck, stretching her wings, her dark red mane and tail glistening in the light, the orange streaks catching in the sun, “Hi! Are you two both newfoals like me and Ad..I mean Cobalt, here? I mean it’s pretty hard to tell.” A dark-grey, slate-grey even, earth-pony with a jet black mane and deep hazel-brown eyes also stepped into the light, looking around with interest. It soon faded when he realised that one loading bay was much like the other. Midnight noted that neither had cutie-marks, it made him feel a little bit better. He had started to feel awkward being the only one with a blank flank. “Cobalt?” asked Midnight, snapping out of his reverie, “but...you’re not blue.” Cobalt gave Midnight an embarassed look and stomped back into the truck, “I thought it was neat.” he said from the shadows. “Come on, let’s move out.” Midnight, the reporter who still hadn’t given his name, if he even has one yet, mister ‘I got a cutie-mark in ten seconds flat’, thought Midnight to himself, and the two new ponies made themselves as comfortable as possible on the ample straw in the close, equine-filled darkness and tried to relax as the vehicle moved off.