//------------------------------// // Chapter 2: Arrival // Story: Praise Talos! // by Word Worthy //------------------------------// T'was was a long while before Heimskr could reach the massive, gleaming foreign city he had seen. For several hours he attempted to navigate the small craft across the now gentle waters of the bay, of which he had quickly learned from Complete History of Equestria: A Beginner's Guide, was called Horseshoe Bay. The blue waters gleamed in the afternoon sun, and seagulls quailed and chirped in the skies above. One such bird nearly dropped a surprise on one of the Priest of Talos' favorite books, Varieties of Faith in the Empire. Grumbling, the priest attempted to cast an ice spike at the creature. "Flying rats! Talos smite you all! Pray to Stendaar that my accuracy does not improve!" He half expected to see a lightning bolt come out of the now calm white clouds and fry the sea birds into cheap skeever meat. But to no avail. Sighing to himself, the robed man resigned to having a sit against the mast as usual, and opened up one of the dozens of ill-gained casks of cyrodillic brandy. Heimskr took swig after swig of the hardy (if surprisingly sweet tasting) beverage. To stave off his boredom as he jostled the now empty bottle around, Heimskr (angrily) recalled the times just before his imposed exile. Loading... Level 4. While they may appear harmless, Parasprites' adorable mannerisms belie their true nature. They are actually apex consumers in Equestria's ecosystems. Foreigners are advised to not feed them, upon pain of death by cuteness...and suffocation. It was a mild, pleasant evening in Whiterun, many a week ago. Heimskr had been marched up to Dragon's Reach by a couple of guards wearing ridiculous conical helmets, who refused to tell him what he was being summoned for. "What is the meaning of this interruption?! Whiterun must heed my words, the Word of Mighty Tacos! THE DAMN ELVES WANT TO KILL US ALL! They deserve nothing more than to feel the power of our huge, glorious...." "That's enough out of you!" "Man's been hitting the Skooma, I say!" The guards tsk-tsked and prodded the priest along with the rim of their wood and steel-studded shields. Their chain mail shirts rattled quietly as they went. One of the guards snorted. "My cousin's out fighting dragons. And what do I get? Heimskr duty!" His companion shrugged, as he prodded Heimskr with his shield once more. "I've got to thinking.... Maybe I'm the Dragonborn, and I just don't know it yet!" "Idiot! Have you just come out from under a rock? Everyone knows that Khajiit what-his-name Legate was the one who vanquished Alduin!" The other guard shrugged again. "Oh yeah... Well a guard can't help but dream, can he?" Marching up to the front door of the Dragon's Reach palace, residence of Jarl Balgruuf the Greater, an random Imperial Guard appeared out of nowhere and turned to look at them through his sleek, crested helmet. "You have my ear, citizen." He greeted. "Hey, mage? Why don't you conjure me up a warm bed eh?" The door guard replied, opening up the door to admit the two other guards and Heimskr. "What is it?" The door guard said to the three as they entered the Great Hall. The guards and priest ignored him. When the door closed behind him, the Imperial Guard turned towards the Whiterun Guard at the door. "Looks like you, are in some trouble! Since we're friends, don't worry. I'll look the other way, and take care of that fine for you." "No lollygagging." The nord guard replied. The two guards then stood there, simply staring at each other. As the prisoner and guards crossed the Great Hall towards the Jarl's throne, One of Balgruuf's sons, Frothar, looked at them in mock surprise. "Oh boy, another prisoner! Here to lick my fathers balls?" He blurted out. The two guards restraining Heimskr stared at the boy, their body language conveying irritation. Frothar grinned. "It's too bad their gone. I wouldn't have believed it, if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes!" He walked away, giggling loudly. The two men shrugged, and continued hauling Heimskr up to the throne. "What the hell are you doing dressed as a damn woman?!'" One of Heimskr's guard's inquired in alarm. Balgruuf the Greater, garbed in a women's dress with make up on his cheeks and eyelids, fixed his eyes on them, narrowing them in displeasure. "I am not a boy, but neither am I a man! Now, what is it I can help you with?" "We've brought up the priest as you've requested my lord!" The trans-gender nord looked at the Priest of Talos first with recognition, then distaste. "Aye. Queen Elisif wants this annoying milk drinker out of my City, and so do I. Throw him into that freaky jester's crate that we confiscated from yonder the Loreius Farm. Then, send him up north with his junk. Let the man be Solitude's problem." Heimskr's eyes had widened. "Tiber Septim curse you all! You're all puppets of THE THALMOR! I have to stay and spread Talos' message across the land!" The Jarl gave a harrumph. "You should have thought about that, before you started waving your unclothed rear end in my citizens' faces. Get this giant skeever dropping out of my sight, NOW!" Balgruff ordered. As the guards nodded an lead the robed-priest away, Balgruff watched them. "Now if ya don't mind, I've got a city to keep!" Thus did the 'Chosen' of Talos begin his journey across land, sea, and ice, to far-flung Equestria. Loading... Level 4. Mudcrabs are a recent sight in Equestria. Pony biologists are baffled as to what provoked the species' sudden migration to a new continent, although a recent mass-dumping of hard apple cider into the ocean may be to blame. Snapping back to the present, Heimskr look up from the bottle in his hands. He was now only about a hundred feet from a sandbank. Bringing the ship about in a rather novice fashion, The Priest of Talos made landing on Equestrian soil. Running his sandal clad feet through the warm sea salt-licked sand, Heimskr looked around with his hand at his forehead, surveying the land. The city he had spied, his intended destination, lay just beyond the thicket and tree line spread out before him. A voice in his mind had told him to avoid the city's docks, as trouble could possibly lurk therein. The beach he was on had several inhabitants. Rocks and mudcrabs being the most abundant. More of the seagulls were gathering around a dead fish that had washed up just a few feet away. The smell came downwind to him, and Heimskr wrinkled his face in distaste. Just as the priest finally recalled the M'aiq apparition's warning about mud crab merchants, one appeared at his feet. The small creature had a gray shell shaped to resemble a rock for camouflage. What was notable about him however, was the fact that the mud crab was donning a fashionable top hat and monocle, giving him a gentlemanly air. His compatriots around him mostly did not share his fashion sense, wearing nothing, or equipping pointy colovian fur hats instead. The well-dressed crustacean was now tugging at the hem of Heimskr's robes with his pincers, trying to catch the priest's attention. Promptly with alarm, the man looked down. "Hey, mister... whatcha say we worked out a deal, ehhh buddy? Three bottles of spiced wine, and a vial of skooma, all fer just the price ovva bottle of flin! Now thazza bargain..." Heimskr did not say anything back, only falling to the sand with a girlish shriek and frantically crab-walking far away from the inebriated crustacean. Climbing back onto to the beached longboat, Heimskr stood on a rower's bench and looked out at the expanse of the beach. He was in search of anything that resembled a humanoid figure, and was frantically avoiding anything that remotely seemed to possess a shell or pincers. Finally after a minute of scanning, he was greeted by neither of the above. Instead, he saw what resembled a small, colorful horse, sitting some distance away. Much to the priest's disbelief, the quadruped appeared to be fishing. "I've got to stop drinking the Skooma. Damn stuff goes down the gullet like Dremora piss... But then again, how else can I most effectively commune with Talos and hear His Holy Word? It always give me the extra jolt to spread the message to the people!" Heimskr mused. "Sod it! That Khajiit never said the inhabitants of this 'Equestria' were Human or, Elven anyhow. And now the book's mentioning of 'Ponies' makes sense anyways." He put a hand to his chin in thought as he gazed at the fisherpony curiosly. The stallion gave no indication he had noticed the boat, or Heimskr. He seemd to be sleeping on his chair, while his casted bait lines and lobster and crab cages sat unattended beside him. "I've got it! I shall inquire of this native if they truly have heard of Talos or the Nine Divines! TALOS GUIDE ME! I have made it to land!" The robed-human then made his way over to the oblivious sleeping pony.