I had been through years of guard training. I could kill somepony quite quickly if I needed to. I was one of the most confident and cocky ponies in Ponyville this side of the boss. Point being, I wasn't fazed by much. As I stood in front of one of my precious few purely platonic friends with a wedding ring around my neck, I felt like I was going to pass out.
"What did we do last night?" I whispered.
He opened his mouth as if to respond, but no words came and he opted for a shrug.
I nodded and looked down at the floor as I tried to think about the last thing I remembered. I think there was something with apples maybe. Yeah, that sounded about right. I looked back up at him. "Is the last thing you remember eating an apple? We met in front of Applejack's stand?"
TD slowly nodded. "Y-yeah. Yeah that's right." He squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed his temples. "We didn't have sex, did we?"
"Uh..." I uneasily rubbed the back of my neck. "No, I don't think so. You're still fully clothed, for one." It was all I could do to meet his gaze, but I forced myself to lock eyes with him. "We definitely made out, though."
TD groaned and began rubbing his temples. "Great. That's just freaking great!" His eyes snapped open and he crossed his arms with a humorless smile. "No offense to you, but this isn't how I envisioned our relationship developing."
I waved away his apology. "No, I understand. You're into women of your own species." I reached up and touched the wedding ring around my neck. "This can't be happening."
TD grimaced and took the ring off of his finger. "Okay, if we didn't... consummate the marriage then we can get it annulled, right? Especially if we both say that we weren't in our right minds when we got married."
I flinched back at the 'M' word, but I nodded back at him. "Yeah, that'll work if I understand the laws about marriage." My gaze trailed to the floor. "Not that I've ever had any need to," I muttered.
"Good. Then all we have to do is... is..." His vice trailed away, and I looked up at him with a frown. He was staring at something behind me, and I turned around expecting something even worse than what we had already discovered. I got it. It turned out that what he was looking at was the small table in his house. On said table was a single sheet of paper that could only have been one thing: our marriage certificate.
The two of us slowly walked up to the table and stared cautiously at the piece of paper like it was a rabid animal. Somehow it was even more painful to look at than the rings.
The marriage certificate for Mr. TD Harrison Powell and Mrs. Cloud Powell nee Kicker.
It was like a direct kick to the gut from a rather ill-tempered mule with a lot of power. The only thing that stopped me from taking it and tearing it into a million pieces was the fact that we would definitely need it if we wanted to annul our marriage. TD thought the same thing, and he picked it up and beckoned me out of his house.
"We're going to deal with this now," he said stiffly. "Again, not offense to you but I'd rather not be married to one of my best friends, yeah?"
I nodded and followed him out of the door.
As we crossed through the city to get to town hall, I noticed that the mood of the town seemed rather subdued. Normally around this time the town was bustling with ponies chatting animatedly with each other. It was generally pretty friendly. Now, though, nopony was talking much to each other. Even fewer made eye contact. They just went about their business. Whatever had happened to TD and I clearly wasn't limited to the two of us. I didn't even want to imagine what relationships had been torn apart because of whatever had happened.
We reached town hall as quickly as possible and went directly into the mayor’s office. She was sitting behind her desk with her head in her hooves, staring at a mess of papers on her desk. She looked up at us when we walked in and sighed. "You too, huh?"
TD nodded and placed the marriage certificate on the desk. "Who else?"
"A fair amount," the mayor admitted. "Lyra and Raindrops, Big Mac and Redheart, Colgate and Thunderlane..." The mayor sighed again and shook her head sadly. "Twilight and Rarity..."
Both of us flinched back and exchanged a pained glance. Two of the Elements of Harmony hooking up was not something that was going to be ignored; particularly when one of them was the princess' prized pupil. Sure Pinkie Pie and the boss were together, but that wasn't the result of some unknown spell. They loved each other. Sure, TD and I loved each other, but as good friends. Not as two ponies who get hitched and go back to one of their houses and make out.
TD was the first to speak up after that stunning revelation. "So... if there has been a rash of unexpected marriages..." He glanced down at the mayor's desk. "And most of these seem to be marriage certificates, I'll hazard a guess that you know what we would like."
"An annulment," the mayor said with a nod. She motioned for TD to put the marriage certificate on the desk. "Yes. Of course. I will contact you when the annulment has gone through."
"Thanks," TD muttered.
"Before you go..." Mayor Mare blushed and flattened her ears. "I hate to ask, but did you... consummate your marriage?"
"No!" we both said immediately.
"I woke up with all of my clothes on. We didn't do anything," said TD.
Mayor Mare nodded and jotted that down on a notebook. "Yes. That's good. That will make the annulment process far smoother. Some couples, I won't say which ones, of course, will not have so easy a time."
"Pity," I muttered.
"Do you know what happened?" TD asked. "I mean, a bunch of random couples don't just decide to get married out of the blue."
The mayor sighed again and put her head in her hooves. "The best we can figure is that yesterday's round of apples from Sweet Apple Acres were somehow tainted with a love potion. Applejack came to my office in a frenzy, saying that a bunch of ponies connected her apples to the marriages. She told me the Cutie Mark Crusaders had created a love potion for Apple Blooms' brother and their teacher."
"I think I remember that," said TD. He glanced uneasily out the window in the direction of the farm. "I had to help move Berry Punch's house back to where it normally was."
"Yes. That's the incident." The mayor waved a hoof. "It seems that the Crusaders dumped their love potion out of the window of their clubhouse and it seeped into the soil, affecting the nearby apple trees. Those apples were the ones that Applejack was selling yesterday."
"How is she doing?" TD asked. He looked out towards Sweet Apple Acres again. "I can't imagine that the ponies around here have been taking it very well."
"Most have," Mayor Mare admitted. "They understand that this wasn't her fault. They're angrier with The Crusaders. Their families have been keeping them hidden. They didn't go to school today as far as I'm aware."
I made a mental note to go talk to Applejack to see how she was doing. TD seemed to be having similar thoughts if the way he was looking out towards the farm was any indication. I decided that if there was nothing else for us to tell the mayor that we had better get going. I wanted to see Applejack sooner rather than later. She needed to know that somepony who had gone through this wasn't mad at her, or Apple Bloom for that matter. I motioned for TD and he nodded. We thanked the mayor who promised us that she would get our annulment through within the next forty-eight hours.
As we turned around, we were greeted with a sight that made my heart sink. Bon Bon was walking towards the office next to Roseluck. Both of them had wedding rings around their necks and Roseluck had what was likely a marriage certificate sticking out of her saddlebag. Bon Bon's eyes were streaked with tears, and Roseluck just looked blank. She glanced at us when we walked past the two of them and sighed sadly.
As we walked out of town hall, I looked over at TD who had the same blank expression that Roseluck had. "I want to go to Sweet Apple Acres. Maybe to Carousel Boutique and Scootaloo's house too. I want to tell them that I'm not angry."
"Yeah. That sounds like a good idea," TD muttered. He looked at the farm in the distance and changed his direction so that the two of us were walking there. We walked in silence until we reached the farm. We didn't even make eye contact. I supposed that I was glad for that. I don't think that I would have been able to look at him. I hated the idea that I was his wife. No offense to him, but I wasn't the kind of mare who was big into monogamy. If it turned out that TD and I had to stay married for the rest of our lives, I don't think I could have stayed faithful to my husband, and the knowledge that I was being unfaithful would have taken all of the joy out of banging.
We reached the farm after ten or so minutes, and TD knocked on the door of the Apple residency. Applejack answered the door almost immediately, and groaned when she saw who it was. "Ah take it y'all are here because of the apples."
"Yeah." I flattened my ears and rubbed the back of my neck. The fur on Applejack's face was streaked with tears, and her eyes were puffy and bloodshot. No prizes for guessing what she had been doing all morning. "Look, we just--"
Applejack growled and glared at us. "You might as well stop there, Cloud," she snapped. "Ah didn't know they were tainted, if Ah had known Ah wouldn'ta sold 'em, mah sister ain't a bad filly, she just made a mistake that she couldn't have figured that she would make, and Ah've made sure she's been punished! Does that answer all of yer questions?"
"What? That wasn't what I was going to say at all!" I insisted. "We're just here to say that we're not mad at you and to ask if there's anything that we can do to help!"
Applejack fixed us both with an even stare for a moment before sighing and leaning her head against the door frame. "Right. Okay, then." She closed her eyes and pushed her hat up on her head. "Ah'm sorry, y'all. Ah've just had a pretty awful mornin'."
TD waved away her apology. "No, I get it. All of this has probably been just as big of a shock to you as it has been to us." He looked past Applejack into the house. "How is Apple Bloom doing?"
"Same as me, Ah guess," Applejack muttered. "She's been in her room since Ah sent her up this mornin'. She hasn't had to hear the ponies who've come by ta yell at me." Applejack grimaced and looked back up the stairs. "Ah hope."
"Can I go talk to her?" TD asked. "I want to make sure that she's okay."
Applejack grunted a reply and jerked her head inside. TD nodded back and walked past her and up the stairs. I would have gone, but I know that Applejack doesn't exactly approve of me being around her younger sister. That did leave a rather awkward silence between the two of us that I wasn't quite sure how to break. So we didn't. We just stood there, unsure of what to say to each other that would make either one of us feel any better. TD came down after about ten minutes, and he almost looked a little more depressed than when he went up. He gave me a sad smile when we made eye contact. I nodded back and the two of us said our goodbyes to Applejack, with the added assurance that we weren't mad at her and didn't blame her for anything. Even if it didn't cheer her up exactly, she did seem a little less tense.
The two of us walked out of the farm in silence. I looked up at TD, who barely returned my glance. He sighed and shook his head. "If you don't mind, I think I'm going to go home now. I just..." He scoffed quietly. "I don't know."
"Yeah. Me too."
With that, he began walking back towards his house. I decided that I would go back to mine too since I couldn't really think of anything else to do. When I got back, the thought crossed my mind that I should eat something since I hadn't had any food in at least thirty-six hours, but I decided against it. I couldn't stomach anything right now. I just walked into my room and plopped down on my bed. Doing that made me realize that I was still wearing my wedding ring. I lifted the necklace over my head and deposited it on my bedside table. I couldn't help my stare at it. It was horrifying to me, but I couldn't look away.
Mrs. Cloud Powell.
Mrs. Cloud Powell nee Kicker.
Cloud Powell.
Mrs. Powell.
I put my head in my hooves and turned my back on the ring, my mind drawing complete blanks on how to deal with this.