//------------------------------//
// The Two Bit Tour 
// Story: Dimension Jumper 
// by redtau 
//------------------------------//


Things were utter crap. I had been crammed into an enclosed carriage with eight heavily armed and armored pegasus guards, which had been lurching through the sky for hours in the early morning. 

After the Princess's sentencing I was given thirty minutes with my attorney before I was returned, roughly, to my glowing cell and given another inedible daisy sandwich. Apparently "banished" got even less respect from the local guards than "accused" and "incomprehensible" did. I was then woken before the sun risen, or I guess been raised, and shoved into the turbulence challenged box. With no windows, I had no way of knowing where I was going or how close we were to it. My fellow passengers had all the warmth and personality of granite slabs.

With a lurch, the carriage touched down. The back doors opened and the guards hustled me out, and my mood immediately lifted. We were in the outer courtyard of the Castle of the Pony Sisters. Aside from me and my guards there were a dozen ponies unloading lumber and supplies. Scattered among them were the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony, helping here and there. In the distance the Princesses were walking and talking with two earth ponies. Luna looked up at me and waved me over.

"Good morning Sarah." Princess Luna greeted me as I walked up.

"Good morning your highness, your highness." I bowed slightly to her and her sister.

"Sarah, this is the carpenter Cut Once and the contractor Measure Twice." Princess Luna said, waving a hoof at the two ponies next to her. "They will be assisting thou with the reconstruction being done to the castle."

"Isn't that the creature you banished yesterday, your majesty?" Measure Twice asked. "I thought it wasn't allowed in any pony towns."

"Then it is fortunate that we are not in any pony town, but merely the thousand year old ruin of a castle." Princess Luna said with a smile. "Sarah will be organizing and running the renovations."

"Running the renovations?!" Cut Once cried out. "Your majesty, this castle is a historical treasure, marvel of engineering, and work of art all in one. You can't just hand it off to some alien monster. I mean look at this." He reached out and pulled open one of the huge wooden double doors that led from the outer courtyard to the entry hallway. "The door opens without the slightest resistance, even after a thousand years. And look at the tiling in the hallway. It has survived the ravages of the Everfree without a single crack. You want to give all that to this - this creature?"

"Um," I had more eyes on me than I was really used to. "I rehung the door, it had fallen off. I also re-tiled the hallway."

"Really?" Measure Twice asked, opening the other door and judging the smoothness.

'Where did you get the tiles?" Cut asked.

"I pulled them from side corridors and closets."

"Perhaps Sarah could walk us through and tell us what has been done so far." Princess Celestia offered diplomatically. "We can discuss where to go from there." 

"The two bit tour? Sure, I can manage." I turned, walking backwards. "Welcome to the ancient Castle of the Pony Sisters! This stone fortress was erected roughly ten years after the fall of Discord. The fortress acted as the center of government...and...." I stopped as I realized everyone was currently listening. There were confused looks from the most of the workers, bemused looks from both of the princesses, and Twilight Sparkle had me fixed with an intense expression. I got the feeling that she was both hungry for knowledge and desperate to correct any mistake I might make.

Princess Luna graciously came to my rescue. "Perhaps we might start with what repairs thou have completed already." I nodded and waved the carpenters in, Twilight trailing behind.





"This is the garden," I waved out the doors, "The original bushes and flowers were dead or overgrown to the point that I could not restore it. I'm not the best when it comes to gardening, so I will need help with the many gardens and lawns scattered through the castle." The princesses, Cut, Measure, Twilight, a half dozen workers and a pair of guards were following me around taking notes. So far I had gone over the basic repairs I'd done to the inner walls and doors, where all the unbroken glass from the windows had been stored, and where I'd found areas that would need the most help outside. Now we were tracing the path that Twilight and her friends had followed to find me.

"Twilight, where did you go next?"

"We, uh, visited your art gallery."

I cringed. "Really? Sorry about that, it was intended to be seen after you had banished me. Princess Luna threw some of my plans into chaos."

"Twilight mentioned these paintings in her report." Princess Celestia said. "May we?"

I bowed my head and lead the entourage into the gallery. I winced and cringed as they walked around, gasping at each new painting.

"Is- is this really how you saw us?"

I looked up to see Twilight standing near me, eying the Fluttershy painting. "Not really. These are exaggerations, I was trying to get a point across. I thought your interaction with the Fauna might not be enough. Of course you missed your original Fauna entirely."

Cut Once looked over at me. "Fauna?"





I wasn't certain whether to be thrilled or mortified by the cries of horror as the group entered the waiting room.

"What are these?" one of the assistants asked, morbid curiosity etched on his features. He leaned close to one of the dried Fauna that had been "caught" fleeing.

"I called them Fauna. They are magical constructs, built out of wood and vine, They are just puppets." I waved my hand at the macabre display. "My spirit companion could build and animate them once we figured out how the Timber Wolves worked."

"You figured out the Timber Wolves!? The magic behind them?! Why they act like they do?" Twilight was practically standing on my toes, eyes alight in search of wonder.

"Er, my spirit did. At least, in part. We could generate and control these, but the wolves are independent. I don't understand everything about them, just the basic principle. Like a paper airplane can fly, but not like a pegasus." I smiled, but felt bad not being able to give Twilight more information. "If you really want to see some useful magic, you should check out the courtroom." 

I led them into the Day Court with a flourish, throwing the doors wide. The ponies piled in and looked around at the tattered carpets strewn about and the massive throne. I pulled back some of the carpets and sighed. The circle hadn't absorbed enough energy to actually send me home, but it had taken enough to partially degrade away.

"Sorry, looks like my brilliant circle caught enough power to start fading away. I've got notes on it's creation in the Night Court, along with my scrying circles."

"Why did thou use the Day Court as thy departure point?" Princess Luna asked, lifting the carpets aside so Twilight could copy down what was left of my circle.

"Well, it's very slightly larger than the Night Court." I saw Princess Luna shoot her sister a look. ""I did a bit of repair work and found the extra space taken up by insulation, probably to keep the court warm on cold nights. I also found a hidden cupboard of, um, moonshine. For further insulation against cold nights. " Luna grinned guiltily.

"What is that smell?" Measure Twice asked, pulling a face. I sniffed at the air and caught a hint of rot. I pulled a face and walked to the right side of the room, pulling open another set of double doors. The odor of rot and purification filled the Court, and most of the ponies gagged.

Beyond the doors was a long ornate table, set with six place settings. Plush chairs before clean white plates, simple glasses and somewhat utilitarian tableware. A feast of salads, fruit, flowers and vegetables sat rotting in various bowls and serving trays. Pitchers of juice had turned green, pitchers of milk were yellowish and lumpy. A swarm of small flies filled the air, partially obscuring a banner that read "CONGRATULATIONS TO THE ELEMENTS OF HARMONY" in bright blue letters.

"You threw us a....victory party?" Twilight was processing the scene before her.

"I figured after everything you had all gone through to get to me, you deserved a reward." I picked up one of the three pronged forks and nudged the lumps in what had been potato soup. "I guess rescuing Princess Luna came first." I sighed.

That had been a mistake, I gagged at the stench and backed out of the room, waving my hand in front of my face. The rest of the ponies retreated with me, all the way back to the morbid waiting room. Chairs creaked as the crew sank in and breathed fresh air from the glassless windows.

"Your generosity is inspiring." Princess Celestia told me. I waved it off, feeling sad.

"My generosity almost put your sister in a coma." I shifted, hearing the chairs creak and crack again. "I'll have to get masks to clear that room. Or a flamethrower." I looked over at Twilight, "Could I borrow spike for a day or two?"

Twilight laughed, and I walked over to the windows to get a deep breath of fresh air.

Creak.

I froze. The creaking stopped too, but I wasn't standing on anything that could creak. The floor was polished stone tile. My head turned.

The Fauna were looking at me. Each and every one, still in its original position, had moved it's head and was looking at me. Whether the faces were surprise or horror or fear or hate, each and every one was now looking straight at me.

From the courtyard outside, the sound of frightened voices floated up through the windows. Followed by a deep, deafening roar.