//------------------------------// // Kitchen Patrol // Story: The Quest For Iscanter // by eternalsquire //------------------------------// During the month they spent on Eris, Discord's original home and current refuge, everpony was working double shifts. In several repair bays within the Yamato, ponies were either smelting ore into metal, machining the metal into parts, or assembling the parts into machines or missile casings. Ponies created a clean room in a different bay and were using it to assemble warheads. Anypony who was not technically inclined was either requested to volunteer or was even dowright drafted into essential errands which only required unskilled labor. Captain Avatar, to set the example, took a crash course from a technician in using an arc welder and was during his second shift using it to join sections of hull under the "guidance" of somepony else. Rainbow Dash was becoming more intrigued by Forest Snow with each passing day. He was her kind of stallion, she decided. They were both bold when they needed to be, but she admired his restraint and well-honed sense of ettiquite, something she knew she never had. There came a day when she finally gathered up the nerve to ask him for a 'date', which under the current conditions amounted to little more than a private conversation over lunch or dinner. She walked by the mess for something to eat, when discovered the mess hatch to be locked. She was also horrified to hear a conversation behind the mess hatch: Pinkie Pie: "Great, now you've got a nice long one. Just put a coat of butter all over it. Now, put it in my oven. It's getting really hot for your loaf." Forest Snow: "Like this?" Pinkie Pie: "Oh... that's just great. Now, do that again, please." Forest Snow: "Here's the next one." Pinkie Pie: "Mmm... that's good. Now, it's gonna spurt out sooner or later. You need to be careful when that happens, like getting it wrapped in advance, but this time I'm safe enough, and I can clean up later. Just let it happen. Now finish a full baker's dozen for me. Just slam 'em in!" Forest Snow: "Okay... (eleven wet slapping noises in rapid succession)... Done." Pinkie Pie: "So good! Now shove your load upward... Hard!" Forest Snow: (gasping for air) Pinkie Pie: "We'll do the next three together... slowly... One!" Forest Snow: (moaning softly) Pinkie Pie: (panting) "Two!" Forest Snow: (moaning loader) Pinkie Pie: "Last one, wait 'till I'm ready... Three!" Forest Snow: (groaning with exertion) Pinkie Pie: (growning with exertion) Forest Snow: (silence) Pinkie Pie: "Whew! Thanks, Forest, I really needed that!" Forest Snow: "Thank you! I couldn't have had a better teacher for my first time!" Pinkie Pie: "Aww... I'm glad you appreciate it. We need to break for an hour, and then we can do it again." Forest Snow opened the hatch to find Rainbow Dash on the other side of it. Her face had taken on an expression of despair and whose jaw was so slack it had practically dropped to the deck. "Can I help you with something, Rainbow?", he asked. "JUST WHAT DO YOU TWO THINK YOU ARE DOING?", shouted Rainbow. Pinkie Pie stuck her head out the hatch. "We're making garlic bread for dinner tonight, and moving boxes of flour. Is that a problem?", she asked innocently. A suspicious Rainbow Dash looked inside the mess bakery. She could feel the heat from the oven, and smell the luxurious smell of butter, garlic, and parsely in the air. To the right to the oven was three-compartment sink. To the right of the sink were stacked four very large boxes of flour. Everything looked normal. Rainbow blushed in embarassment. "Never mind me", she said. "Whatever.", Pinkie Pie shrugged. Rainbow Dash galloped away. "You are such a sweetie!", Pinkie whispered in Forest's ear. She kissed Forest on the cheek. "Thanks for helping!", she said aloud. Forest blushed. "Thank you. You're the best.", he said. He trotted out of the mess hall, head held high in pride. . . . Faster than light travel within the Yamato was impossible, with only one exception: rumors. The captain soon heard a rumor regarding Pinkie Pie and Forest Snow. He needed evidence or he couldn't do a thing. He therefore reviewed the live-time recordings from the cameras inside the mess. Strangely enough, the cameras had somehow failed to record any video for a single half-hour section. There, he saw only static. Why there was only static rather than video each and every time he played that section was a conundrum which left him scratching his head. Only himself and the Master Chief had the security codes to view the recordings. What little he knew about write-only memory convinced him that overwriting or erasing the images should be by definition impossible.. Even worse, the audio was loud and clear, and if the video was gone the audio should have been gone too. The dialogue under the wrong interpretation could well be damning, but without video or direct witnesses he had no case for non-judicial punishment. How far should he go through with investigating this? Was this left better alone? Or, was this too serious a break in ship's discipline to ignore? Avatar decided the first place to start was lunch, so he walked to the mess. He caught Pinkie's eye and nodded at her. Pinkie walked over to the table he selected. "Is there anything you'd like to order off today's menu, sir?", she asked. "Garlic bread... hot, with some coffee, please", the captain requested. "How about you have some with me?" "As you wish, your Captainness!", Pinkie replied with a shrug and a smile. In under a minute the mess chief came back with a plate full of crusty bread loaves with the wonderful aroma and garlic and butter, plus a mug of coffee. Pinkie brought herself a lemonade. They both ate in silence. "Pinkie, there's something I need to ask you about...", Avatar began, when the loaves were nearly all gone. "Captain, sir.", Pinkie grinned, "Before we conduct ship's business, would you care to play a game or two of 'equiss' with me? Two dimensional? I think the captain needs a break." "I'll humor you, Cookie.", the captain said. "Set 'em up." Pinkie brought a board out from the games closet in the mess hall, placed the board down, then set up the pieces. "Light or darkness, sir?", Pinkie asked. "Darkness, thank you.", Avatar replied. Pinkie turned the board around for him. For her first move, she moved her right castle's stile foward two spaces. The captain responded moving the prince's stile foward two. He kept developing his pieces in a standard opening. Pinkie was evidently making legal movies with hers but otherwise the moves were random. Her final move was a pony to the captain's starting row. It was now the captain's move. He started at the board, then he blinked in surprise. He was now in check from Pinkie's princess. The two vacant squares were covered by the pony she just moved. The princess and the pony were covered by a mayor and a line of stiles. He had nothing in range to take the princess out. Game over. She's just lucky., he thought to himself. "Another game?", he asked. "Could I have light this time, please?" Pinkie nodded, then turned the board around. This time, Avatar moved a stile in front of his princess's pony one square. Pinkie, this time, answered by advancing her princess's stile two squares. This time, Avatar was trying for a double mayor opening. Again, Pinkie answered with random but legal moves. Some of her moves appeared suicidal, she lost some pieces, but at the same time she took a few pieces of his. Avatar watched Pinkie's next move carefully. She advanced her stile toward his back row. Then nodding at him, she placed replaced the stile with one of her captured castles, resting upside down. "Second princess.", she announced. He looked at his own pieces. Not good. Pinkie could most likely force a win in less than ten moves. "Your strategies are beyond my comprehension.", he told her. "What strategies?", she said, shrugging. "You mean, you had absolutely no idea what you were doing?", he asked. "Nope!", she smiled brilliantly. The captain's jaw dropped. "Would the captain be interested in going for a walk with me outside? Maybe he could give me some personal advice.", Pinkie said. Avatar understood this as a request for a confidential conversation with him as the counselor. Such a conversation would be priviledged and therefore useless as a confession. He closed his jaw, then nodded. "It it would help me solve a mystery, then by all means.", he said. . . . Avatar and Pinkie suited up then cycled through an airlock. They walked in jumping strides in the low gravity of Eris, approximately a quarter mile of frozen surface away from the ship. Off in the distance, they could see the Yamato tied down, and sparkles from welding and cutting tools. Pinkie motioned her hand to a large outcropping large enough for them to sit on. They sat side to side. He then drew a finger across his thoat, meaning for her to deactivate her suits microphone. He did the same. She then leaned her head against the captain's shoulder, not so much for an embrace but so her helmet could make contact with his. It was very well known that sound could conduct this way, making this private conversation as private could be. "Pinkie, would you care to tell me what's going on with you and Forest?", he asked. "I've just been giving him lessons on baking so he could feel useful on his second shift.", she answered. "If the lessons were other than just about baking...", he said. "Cameras in the mess hall should record that.", she replied, in a tone conveying simple fact. "That's the problem. For a single half hour, there's just video static, plus an audio conversation which could be taken to mean just about anything.", he said. "Is there anything you could have done to make that happen?" "Nothing I know of.", she shrugged. "The hatches were closed and locked.", Avatar continued. "I've asked Forest about this, but he says you and he are just friends." "So, what's the problem?", Pinkie asked her captain. "I think you're fraternizing with Forest.",he accused her. "What's... 'fraternizing'?", she asked. "It means, Pinkie, inappropriate contact between an officer and a crewpony.", he stated. "It's very bad for discipline." "I think both Forest and I consider our contact appropriate so far.", she told him. "I've heard about how much you hate 'sea lawyers', but could you consider listening to something?" "Go ahead", he sighed. "As the mess chief, I'm one of your warrant officers. He's a very junior officer, and even if I'm below him some, I'm still an officer.", she pointed out. "Even if the contact was inappropriate, it wouldn't meet your definition." Pinkie Pie has herself covered three hundred and sixty degrees!, the captain thought to himself in complete and utter astonishment. Avatar shook his head in bewilderment. "Pinkie Pie, just what in perdition's name are you?" "Pinkie Pie!", she said, smiling at him. "No, that's 'who are you'.", he said. "I'll ask this again, what are you?" "Pinkie Pie!", she said again, grinning at him brilliantly. "If this wasn't a confidential conversation", her captain fumed at her, "I'd be after you for insolence." "Nopony has been able to make sense of me since I had been foaled,", she said, "so I'm only giving you the simplest possible explanation for who and what I am. There are 'things' I can do. Most of them are just luck. Other things I can make happen only because I mean well and because they are funny. I actually played a prank on you, not too long ago." "Really.", Avatar raised his white eyebrows at her. "Did you happen to notice a mug of coffee poured just for you right after our first space warp?", she asked him. "THAT WAS YOU?", he shouted at her. "Yup!", she said. "It was interesting. Everyone was frozen as statues and objects were frozen in midair. Aside from me. So, I passed the time by bringing you some coffee. I somehow knew I had to sit back down where I started from for the prank to work. I thought you would enjoy that." "I can't deny that I did.", he replied. "You're got the makings of an unstoppable soldier, properly trained!" "Sir, with all respect, I can't be a soldier.", she stated. "My destiny is to bring joy to all ponies, and I strongly suspect to all other creatures as well. I am learning my destiny will allow me to do almost anything I want and even defend me without my even realizing it, so long as I am upholding joy unselfishly. My best function right now is as a mess chief. No more. No less. I'm useless for anything else here but bringing joy to everypony's tummies. Understand so far, sir?" "I'm beginning to.", the captain said. "So, I need to share with you some confidences.", Pinkie Pie told him. "Pinkie Swear?" "Defined as?", he replied. "Break my confidence and my destiny will not treat you at all well.", she explained. "It's not a threat. It's a law of nature." "I agree to it.", he promised her. . . . While all the repairs were going on, Forest Snow felt useless. Since the ship was going nowhere, there was no radar to read. He spent some time with Twilight Sparkle in physical training under Iron Will. His muscles had originally hurt very bad but now he felt a little more powerful, a little more like the stallion he felt he should be. He noticed his voice had been deepening slightly over the past year. He felt warm feelings stir within him whenever he was close to Rainbox Dash, but he was about as shy to her as she was to him. But he also knew he was destined for someone else, and therefore he told himself he shouldn't be even thinking that way about Rainbow Dash. The contradiction was causing him problems in focusing. He needed someone he could confide in, not anyone in authority, but an ordinary crewpony simply wouldn't do. Simply walking about the ship wouldn't help. He thought perhaps maybe a pony whom everypony liked without exception could help him figure things out. Lost in his thoughts, he wandered throught the corridor by the mess hall. He collided with another pony on his path. "Oof!", he exclaimed. He had collided with the mess chief, Pinkie Pie. "Looking for something?", she asked him. "I feel useless around here.", he said. "Got something for me to do?", "You can help me with the baking!", she told him. "Happy to learn!", he exclaimed. They walked into the kitchen side of the mess hall together. "Can you move me some boxes of flour, please?", she asked him. With his developing strength, Forest found that he could. Pinkie, in the meantime, was shaping loaves of bread, stuffing them with crushed garlic, and slathering them with butter from a large jar. "Pinkie?", he said. "Yes, Forest?", she asked. "I need some advice.", he said, "Private advice." "What about?", she asked. Forest brought his mouth to her ear. "Fillies.", he whispered. "Oh!", Pinkie whispered back. "Wait a moment, would you?" Pinkie dashed around the kitchen, shutting hatches and spinning the locks closed. Then she dashed back to Forest. "What do you need to know?", she whispered into his ear. He whispered back. "I'm really beginning to have feelings for Rainbow Dash, and I think she has feelings for me. But I'm afraid I'll be disappointed if I go anywhere with this, because then I'll disappoint my grandfather. He and Princess Celestia have in mind for me to marry a princess when we return, to seal an alliance they are considering." "Who?", Pinkie whispered. "I've heard about your Pinkie Swear.", Forest said. "Will you keep this confidential?" "Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!", Pinkie swore to him. "Princess Twilight Sparkle, but I doubt she even knows what's being planned for her. Grandfather told me.", Forest whispered. "I mean, I like her a lot, she's probably the brightest pony in all the world, she'd be any stallion's idea of a catch, and I could even learn to love her, but I just don't feel anything for her. I know it's my duty to marry her, but..." "Forest Snow!", Pinkie whispered, "Nobody should sacrifice their joy out of duty. You need to make your own decision who to love. Don't let even an Emperor bully you into doing otherwise." "But how do I go about doing that?", he whispered to her. "My conscience says one thing, my body says another. How do I know how to choose with my heart?" "I think I can show you a way to tell the difference.", Pinkie whispered. "Here's what we need to do...". . . . "So, Captain.", Pinkie Pie concluded, "I found the best way for him to clear his mind, was to help him get it all out of his system by using a brief but intense session of hard isometric exercise, with the help of some items already available in my kitchen. Not to mention, some bits of butter smeared in just the right places." Avatar Apple nodded, slowly. "So that's the way you're going to play it.", he said. "I don't understand what you're talking about, sir.", Pinkie said. "I do, though, have something very hard for me to say though, that I need to unburden myself about in confidence. May I please lay down first?" He nodded, and sat vertically with his rump down on a rock, Pinkie laid back upon the rock, with the back of her helmet between his hind legs. He bent down toward her so their helmets made contact again tor conducting sound. "Pinkie Swear?", she asked. "Pinkie Swear.", he declared. "All right.", Pinkie said. Her face turned sad. "No colt or stallion needs to ever feel unsafe close to me... because I am sterile. I can't bear a foal... not ever." "Just how did that happen?", he asked her. "It seems I didn't start out as a Pie.", she said. "My actual parents are unknown. Closed adoption. Celestia would reveal the medical records to me, but nothing else. It seems I was still not talking by the time other foals started school. That, and the fact I was distractable, caused the doctors to diagnose me with autism. They said I would always stay a foal mentally and be unable to care for one. Evidently my parents asked them to put me under and spay me... I still had nightmares about suffocating under a mask but I never understood why I had them until very recently. I asked Luna about them. She said she did her best to keep my experience hidden under cover of night lest it drive me insane, possibly even equicidal from the post traumatic stress. Luna was sorry she couldn't tell me more, but that was all she knew." "Oh, Pinkie!", Avatar's response was anguished. He stared down from his helmet into her face through her helmet. Tears fell from the sides of her eyes, downward into the back of her helmet. "Then,", she continued, "I was adopted out to the Pies. I was very depressed and angry for being sent away, so I still didn't talk much even after I finally understood words while living at the rock farm. Then the Sonic Rainboom happened, and everything changed for me. Then I finally became part of a group of friends who I loved and who loved me. I began becoming a source of joy to everyone, which gave me some joy. Some years later, the rocks started to fall. I was all grown up by the time, but I wasn't having seasons like other mares. I went to a doctor, who examined me and said why, but couldn't guess who did this to me. Or why." "I was very angry for a while and stopped giving parties.", Pinky continued. "I heard vicious rumors being circulated about me that I was on the verge of becoming a sociopath and a cereal killer. That hurt my feelings. Then someone pointed me to a cinema named WhoTooted where films were being show with a character very much like me slashing ponys' throats with a knife. That really hurt my feelings! So, I went to Celestia and demanded the truth.'" More tears fell. "This meant I could never marry. I mean, who would want me since I couldn't bear a foal for them? Celestia helped talked me through my feelings for an hour every week with her for a year. Eventually, I felt better. I also learned from her that there were more ways to help somepony feel joy beyond throwing a party, which I actually began doing again, even underground. Sometimes, all it would take would be the right words at the right time... or the right touch... and I would feel joy once again helping others feel joy, just like when I was younger. Follow me, sir?" "Yes, I do.", her captain said. "So even if I did have a special friend, I wouldn't lift my tail for just anyone.", Pinkie said. "Forest, I think, would be the one who would be especially deserving of that if the time ever came.". She smiled through her helmet. She continued, "He's nice, he's smart, he's sweet, he's gentle, and... I really like him. Not for keeps, though. But he's the only one, if I ever would with anypony on this ship. If I could have him just once, I would release him to seek his own destiny, just like I have been seeking mine." "So", Avatar said, "We come back full circle. What should we do with you?" "Everything I do, I only do for the joy of everypony who needs me. That's my destiny. It's what I've dedicated myself to doing starting long ago. Here and now I pledge myself to continue.". she told him. "I have to consider ship's discipline. No. You can't.", her captain declared. "Yes I can... and I will.", Pinkie Pie said quietly but forcefully. "Let it go... please.", she urged more gently. Avatar finally nodded downward to her, silently and solemnly, in agreement. "I've got a ship to run.", he said gently. "You have a crew to feed. Carry on, Pinkie Pie. Carry on."