The waves of the Padomaic Ocean rolled furiously against the small Nordic longboat as it made its way slowly across the ever-treacherous waters. It's sails billowed in the sheer gust of wind, and its timbers groaned under the mast as it distributed the stress of the gales down through to the ship's thick timber frame. Resting upon the vessel's deck, was a single, solitary figure huddled against the mast.
From afar the figure resembled a man of rather average height and weight build clad in a rain and wind-battered priestly robe. The garments were of faded brown, and came with an orange cowl under which the man now shivered.
Next to the lone voyager, sat his few remaining possessions. A barely burning oil lantern, a small set of books in a satchel, and a chest full of his personal effects. In all earnesty, the contents of the chest were not much to behold either. Several bags of salted salmon, a tavern's worth of Cyrodillic brandy (likely pilfered from the Solitude docks), some extra clothes, a purse with 1000 septims. There were other things contained within as well... Things the man would rather anyone not know he possessed at all, given his supposed priestly nature.
All of these items were sheltered by the protective aura of a shield charm, provided courtesy of the College of Winterhold. The shield kept out the rain, but the wind still managed to get through at times, chilling the man to his bones. Shor, Akatosh, or someone was obviously not pleased with the voyager.
As yet another of the ferocious ocean gales blew in from Tamriel's direction, the lone priest muttered to himself.
"Hagravens' saggy, frozen... Damn winds! At least I'm clear from the Sea of Ghosts, the Gods-blasted ice, and those dreughs almost killed me! Talos be praised I've made it even this far!"
The journey had been a long one.
Having been banished from Skyrim by the High Queen Elisif the Fair for quote, "Crimes of public indecency and mischief against Skyrim and her people", the priest had been (ever so politely) shipped out from Whiterun in a large wooden crate, possessions and all, straight to Solitude.
The guards had let him wander around the Solitude docks unsupervised as the ship he was going to be thrown into was summarily prepared for him. By the time they had finally snatched him back up, the now angry Priest had stolen several thousand septims worth of shipping goods (and some contraband he had stumbled upon) from the East Empire Company.
Surely Tiber Septim would not disapprove, given how the poor man was being treated by the Queen's men and everything, right? When asked about the surprisingly extreme weight the chest had now gained, the priest had responded, saying his items were simply, "Heavy with Talos' holy blessings for the journey."
Not being very bright, the guards simply shrugged, one of them saying, "No lollygagging."
"Get to the ship, before we haul you off to the Solitude Dungeons instead." Another ordered.
"I have soldiers to train, and i don't feel like dealing with the likes of you! Off to the boat, now!" Captain Aldis had said, finally hustling the priest onto his journey into exile.
Once they had manhandled his items and various junk onto the waiting longboat, he was ordered to sail out immediately.
They gave him everything he would need to survive for a month or until he had reached land somewhere far from Skyrim. Even though he was no sailor, they had also sarcastically left copies of Father of the Niben, Pirate King of the Abecean, and The Lusty Argonian Maid to quote "Help him along."
From there, the journey had take the exiled priest across hundreds of miles of icy sea, which then gave way to the warmer waters of the Ocean, where we now find our weary traveler. Despite the transition from snow to rain, the sea refused to give up on its onslaught of high winds, almighty thunder, and powerful waves.
The wind was now beginning to drive him truly crazy, and he muttered ever more frequently to himself.
"Calm yourself Heimskr." He said to himself in his thick Nordic accent. "Ain't nothing in the winds but your own imagination. No pointy-eared Thalmor anywhere within over a thousand miles! Ha Ha!" He chuckled maniacally.
Suddenly, a particularly powerful maelstrom of wind blew through the shield charm, blowing Heimskr's books around, and knocking open the lid of his chest.
Out of it rolled a rather worn copy of From the Many-Headed Talos, and two small vials of purple liquid. Reverently, the priest hastily snatched up the book and wrapped in a fine silk cloth he grabbed from inside his robes. Ever so gently, Heimskr deposited the book into the chest. Then, warily the man gave a glance at the two potions before him, rolling with the ship as it rode the waves.
Shrugging, Heimskr grabbed the Skooma. "Ah, sod it! The Ocean's going to swallow me whole anyhow. I'm sure Talos will find someone else to praise his name in Tamriel. To Aetherius then!" Raising the vials to the sky, the Nord downed the narcotics in a single swig. The effects washed over him faster than a tsunami could have even capsized his little longboat.
Heimskr was forced to slump against the mast he had been huddling against for so long. His vision swam, and the stormy air began to warp, and became very colorful.
Eventually, the odd, vertigo-inducing vision morphed into a full-blown hallucination. The priest of Talos sat wide-eyed and slack-jawed as a humanoid figure manifested into existence before him. A few moments passed, before the figure took on a form with discernible figures.
Strange music, tunes that sounded like something a little girl would hum, played all around him, further cofounding his now drug-addled mind.
Standing before Heimskr now, was a Khajiit. The cat man was garbed in robes almost identical to his, and he now turned to look at the shocked Nord with knowing, clever feline eyes.
"Who... Who are you? STAY AWAY!" Heimskr cried out, reeling in the opposite direction.
In response, the Khajiit flashed him an amused grin, exposing two rows of pearly, needle-sharp feline fangs. "Calm yourself Nord. M'aiq comes not to scare, pilfer, or tease. Rather, he merely has a message to deliver. For you see priest, t'is not your day to die. The Nine Divines have other plans for you. Of this, Khajiit is sure."
Still trying to get a safe distance away from the Khajiit, Heimskr replied. "What are you talking about? What plans?"
Rainbows arced out of the storm swollen air behind where M'aiq the Liar stood. "As M'aiq says, you are not to die in a watery grave. Just beyond the veil of this fierce sky tempest, lies a Land, you see. A Land, upon which shines not the Twin Moons, but one Moon, of brilliant silver. Silver as fine as the Moon Sugar made by Shegorath, the Great Skooma Cat himself."
Still grinning, the M'aiq apparition continued. "Follow the rainbows through and beyond the wicked storm, and therein you will find the Land of which M'aiq speaks. There lives a people, who have heard not of the mightiest man who ever lived. The Nine Divines wish for you to spread the word of your holy Talos to the shamefully ignorant ears of this new land."
Heimskr's eyes widened even further. "I am to honor mighty Talos once more?!"
The robed Khajiit nodded impatiently. "Yes! Have you not been listening to M'aiq? You are to go forth, and continue your praise of the Ninth Divine, Nord priest, in this new land. M'aiq is tired now. I go away." He said in his purr-like Elswyr accent.
"WAIT! Where are you going, Khajiit? Who lives in the new Land?"
"No. Khajiit is too tired to answer questions now. Go ask mud crabs when you arrive ashore who dwells there. Maybe they can answer, if they don't try to sell flin, sujamma, or mead to you. Their prices are robbery, and they drink too much of their own stock to talk to easily. M'aiq has warned you."
With one final grin to the hallucinating priest, the robed Khajiit vanished into a pink mist. His departure was marked by a mysterious, sweetly pleasant-sounding feminine voice.
"Ohh! Pinkie Sense tingling! Somepony new is coming towards Equestria!"
"Pinkie Pie, how on earth could you possibly know that?" Another voice, also feminine sounding, asked.
"Pinkie sense silly! How else? OH MY GOSH, I'LL HAVE TO PLAN A WELCOME PARTY FOR TOMORROW!"
"My oh my, Pinkie Pie! What a wild imagination you possess, darling." A third, posh feminine voice replied.
For Heimskr, he was certain he was truly tripping out now. Not even Khajiits were crazy enough to down two things of Skooma at once! Momentarily, the warping air and hypnotic colors wore away, and the odd music faded into silence, in a rather creepy fashion.
As the last of the effects of the drug finally (apparently) wore off after a few more moments, the priest noticed that the storm had now abated ever so slightly. In the West, Heimskr beheld an amazing sight.
Just like M'aiq the Liar had (oddly) honestly promised, a new land now lay before him. Exquisite rainbows, real and not hallucinated, gleamed as they pointed towards the golden, beautiful coast. Just beside the trees, stood a massive bay, through which a city larger and more magnificent then anything Heimskr had ever seen stood.
While the man stood on his longboat beholding the new sights, a loud sound drew his attention away from the exotic coast.
A large bolt of lightning struck the deck, a little too close to Heimskr's belongings for comfort. Appoaching the charred wood, the Nord Priest found a large hard-back book, strangely intact. On top of it was an Amulet of Talos. Grabbing the amulet, Heimskr reverently stowed it in his robes, then looked back at the book.
It was titled, Complete History of Equestria: A Begginer's Guide.
Before bringing the ship about, Heimskr took a long break to skim through the book. At the back cover, he found an odd note.
Heimskr
Your kinsman have seen fit to banish you from beloved Skyrim.
But fear not! A new land of opportunity now lays before you!
Go forth, and spread word of my feats! Bring the light of the Empire and the Divines to those who do not know of it!
Yours in Confidence
Almighty Talos
Upon reading the note, Heimskr raised his hands in the air, clutching the Amulet of Talos in his hands. He turned to face the midday Sun, which was now shining through the dissipating storm clouds. Opening his mouth, the ever-annoying priest let out a loud cry.
"PRAISE TALOS!"