The Education of Clover the Clever

by Daedalus Aegle


Chapter 2: The Assistant

"I had nightmares for days," Clover's roommate Chocolate Bunnies said, shuddering. "I'm still trying to convince myself that the parchment isn't going to curl up around my neck and suffocate me. I am never going to his lectures again..."

Clover nodded, without really listening.

The two of them had known each other since they were fillies in Magic Kindergarten, and now they shared an apartment in Cambridle's Unity Hall, the oldest and most central of the university's dormitories. It had been almost a week since Professor Star Swirl the Bearded's lecture, and Clover had listened to her roommate's complaints almost every waking moment since. In the end, she had begun to tune them out. She did so now, as she sat down to look through the pile of letters and notices the two new students had received: introductory literature about the university, lecture plans, invitations to student gatherings, horn-enlargement scams, ads from countless merchants in the town selling all the equipment a student might need, and down on the bottom a slim envelope addressed to Clover herself. She flicked it open and began to read the note inside.

Your presence is hereby requested at...

"I look out the corner of my eye at something suspicious moving when I'm not looking at it, and it turns out to be my own hoof. I swear it has a mind of its own now, and is concocting some sort of diabolical master plan to usurp the Unicornsigliere..." Chocolate muttered.

"You're joking!" Clover erupted.

"No, I'm completely serious, I'm sure it's writing a detailed schematic of some kind of doomsday device when I sleep and hiding it somewhere," Chocolate said before Clover cut her off.

"I have a note from Star Swirl," Clover said. "He wants me to be his private student and research assistant!"

The color drained from Chocolate's face. "You're not gonna do it, though, right?"

"Of course I am! This is the opportunity of a lifetime!" Her mind turned. "Several lifetimes, actually. I think the last time there was something comparable was when Princess Celestia had five seconds to name someone to be the new ruler of the Crystal Empire and pulled a name at random from the census. But this is better! He picked me specifically!"

"Clover, calm down." Chocolate put a hoof on her shoulder and the other under her chin, and looked directly into her eyes. "This is a bad idea. He's crazy. You're my roommate, and I don't want to lose you! We don't know what kind of madness could result from this!"

"I'm sure Star Swirl has his magical work perfectly under control in his lab..."

"Who cares about his work? They'll give me another roommate!" Chocolate pulled her so close their faces were all but pressed together, and Clover saw terror in Chocolate's suddenly bloodshot eyes. "The last time I had a strange roommate, she tried to convert me to Discordianism! She replaced everything in the cooling box with exploding chocolate! Exploding chocolate, Clover!" Tears were streaming down her eyes. "Don't do this to me, I'm begging you! Don't make me go through that again...!"

"...The letter says I can keep my dorm," Clover said.

"Oh, good." Chocolate immediately relaxed and let her go. "In that case it's fine."

– – –

"Run, Clover!" Star Swirl the Bearded yelled to his trusted companion. "I shall hold off the rampaging pookas, you must return the crystal to the temple altar before the earthquake rips the continent apart!"

"I won't let you down, Professor!" Clover cried, as she galloped up the stone stairway to the top of the pyramid, huge slabs of stone falling on either side of her, threatening to bring her a gruesome death. Star Swirl trusted only her with this task, Clover thought as the statue of vengeful Resheph hove into view, his desecrated altar beneath him. She wasn't going to fail her mentor now.

"Really though," Chocolate Bunnies said, interrupting Clover's daydream for the tenth time in the past hour, "you actually want Star Swirl the Bearded as your teacher?"

Clover grumbled. Can't I at least get to the magical sword-fighting duel once?

"We've walked past a dozen utility shops," Chocolate said. "I haven't seen you this out of it in years. Weren't we supposed to be stocking up on supplies?"

Clover halted and looked around. Not five doors down was another likely-looking writing materials shop. "Let's try this place, then," she said. "Anyway, he's only the greatest unicorn alive, you know." A bell rang above the door as they entered. "You don't just turn down an invitation like that. So maybe he's a little... eccentric. You've met my parents. And my ex-coltfriend. And my other ex-coltfriend. I can handle high maintenance." They grabbed a load of assorted writing supplies and a few of the more useful-looking titles from a wall of shelves marked "Howe to Be a Ftudent", and brought them up to the counter. Clover had been trying and failing to contain her excitement ever since she read the note, and once again she erupted in a fangirly squeal and giant grin. "Star Swirl the bucking Bearded! I'm gonna learn magic from the pony who trapped a kraken in a prison made from cat's whiskers! This is going to be brilliant!"

"Wait," the unicorn colt behind the counter said. "Did you say Star Swirl the Bearded?"

"Yeah, he's just moved his house to the hill outside of town," Clover said happily. "I'm gonna be his personal student!" She practically clapped her hooves together in glee before she noticed the look in the colt's eyes. He looked like he had just seen a monster from his nightmares crawling in through the window. "...Is something wrong?"

"Paaaa!" the colt cried. "Star Swirl is back!"

There was a loud crash from the back room, like the sound of a bookshelf filled with glassware and books falling over, and an older unicorn appeared in the doorway, with the same look of horror on his face. "Did you say Star Swirl?" The colt nodded in a wildly exaggerated fashion. "Oh sweet Celestia... quick, hide the ink!" He disappeared into the back room, and soon emerged again with a huge bell held in his magical grip. He ran out onto the street, and Clover heard him ringing the bell loudly and yelling, "Star Swirl is coming! Star Swirl is coming!" at the top of his voice. In the meantime, the colt was quickly collecting every bottle of ink in the shop, packing them gently into boxes, and stacking the boxes into the wooden cabinets behind the counter. Then, he locked the cabinets with huge padlocks.

"Is there... um, is there a problem?" Clover asked meekly.

The colt nodded. "Go to the intersection of Mane Way and Saddle Road and look on the south-west corner. Read the sign. Now please excuse me, I have to move half the store's supply into the back room."

Ten minutes later, Clover and Chocolate arrived at the spot the shop colt had named. All along the way they had seen shopkeepers running madly back and forth, moving their wares and warning others, fearful cries of "Star Swirl is back!" filling the air. At the crossroads, there was a bronze sculpture of an inkwell with a feather quill dipped in it, and underneath it was a plaque which read:

IN MEMORY OF THE GREAT INK SHORTAGE OF THE YEAR 1731 APC
"THERE CAME STAR SWIRL FROM THE NORTH
AND THE BOOKS PLEASED HIM NOT
EVERY PAGE DRIPPED RED FROM HIS CORRECTIONS
AND IN HIS WAKE ALL WORK DIED
FOR THERE WAS NO INK TO WRITE WITH."
—Homare, The Swirliad.

"...That was a hundred years ago," Clover said. "How does anypony even remember this?" She glanced up at Chocolate Bunnies, who was staring at her right forehoof in a daze. When she saw Clover looking at her she immediately put it down. "Nevermind," Clover turned away, and looked down the street towards the hills on the edge of the town. "Take the stuff home, would you? I'm gonna go visit my new teacher."

– – –

Clover had never been up this way before, but the elevated location was visible from miles away, and the house itself was impossible to miss. It jutted out of a bare cliff face, seeming to defy gravity by resting sideways on the vertical rock, with no visible supports holding it up from the ground far below. A steep, rickety wooden stair, little more than a ladder, led up to the front door thirty feet up in the air. If that weren't enough, the house itself was also unmistakeable, or possibly indescribable. Far from the lofty, meticulously designed Hay Gothic stone architecture of Cambridle, Star Swirl's house was a mess of disparate elements seemingly stuck together by sheer force of magical will, as though the house had been cobbled together one room at a time as needed, made by whatever materials were convenient.

By the foot of the stair was a postbox, and a sign, which read:

STAR SWIRL the BEARDED, WIZARD.
Canterlot House 1.
Cantrips, Charms, Conjurations & Concoctions Available by Post.
Arcane Counsel by Appointment.
Etc.

Clover looked up at the house with her mouth hanging open. A great stone balcony, whose mass the wooden wall anchoring it could not possibly support, stuck out of the house's lowest level, with a large number of chimes, bells, ropes, random trinkets and elaborate charms of all levels of craft and sophistication hanging from the eaves above. Parts of the roof were thatch, parts were shingles, and parts appeared to be simply fabric stretched over gaping holes. There were windows in a dozen different designs, round, square, large and small, some pristine like the clearest, most sparkling of freshly cleaned crystal and others that looked like they had been found lying in a ditch and installed without cleaning.

Clover looked at it and saw fireworks. To another pony it might have seemed like a shambling mess. Clover disregarded the incongruous surface elements, however, and pondered the magical structure underlying it. In her mind's eye she imagined each line, each room and window being carefully planned to best harness the flow of magic through the earth's leylines, each windowpane a prism to guide and amplify its power. She climbed the ladder slowly, doing her best to ignore the creaking of the wood and the shudders that suggested, with every step, that it might collapse under her at any moment.

"This is really happening," she whispered to herself, awestruck. "I'm going to study magic under Star Swirl the Bearded!" She took another step up the rickety stair. "I'm going to have the inventor of the Amniomorphic Spell teaching me magic...! I'm going to have my style honed by the master of the Quadricorn school of arcane duelling! I'm going to have the greatest spellcaster alive examining my techniques and... looking at everything I do and... correcting... all... my... mistakes..."

Oh. Her grin finally faded as the reality of what she was doing began to set in. I, Clover the teenage unicorn freshmare, am about to enter the home of the greatest wizard in centuries and casually introduce myself.

Okay, so how do I do this exactly? What am I supposed to say? 'Heya, how's it going? You're my idol!' She scowled and shook her head violently. Not the time for stupid jokes, Clover. Be respectful. He's a professor. Sort of. He has students. Sort of. Treat him like you would any of your old teachers. Except none of my old teachers could turn me inside-out with a thought. Be polite. Be friendly. Hi, Professor, I'm Clover! No, no, too casual. Good day, Professor Star Swirl... do I say 'the Bearded'? It's probably safest, he was a royal advisor for years, he's used to rigid formality... How do you do, Professor Star Swirl the Bearded, I am Clover Cordelia, of House Cordelia... No, that's far too stilted...

She realized that she had reached the top of the staircase and was standing at the front door. She glanced in every direction, and looked over herself. Should I bow? Is my robe on straight? Is he going to complain about my posture? Think back to Miss Courtly Manners' classes... She shuddered. Okay, bad idea. Look to the future. No hesitation! She took a deep breath, raised a hoof and knocked on the door. The pincushion can't hurt you now, Clover. You're a big, strong mare and everypony should be overjoyed to make your acquaintance. Even Star Swirl the Bearded. You're the one that made it through his lecture, remember? You can do this! Even though he has more magic in his tail than you do in your whole body... Dammit, Clover, focus! He invited you here!

The door swung open to reveal Star Swirl, complete with his robe and hat, standing before her. "You invited me here!" Clover yelped in a high-pitched voice. "You're bearded!"

Clover suddenly felt like throwing up. It took all her focus to remain standing rather than turning and leaping off the ladder. Much as she wanted to raise her voice and try again, the best she managed was to remain still with a forced smile on her face, and ignored the fact that Star Swirl was staring at her with a blank expression, as though he were looking right through her.

– – –

Star Swirl had heard the knock on the door, and briefly glanced around the room. Content that everything was as it should be, he made for the front door and opened it, and quickly scanned the surroundings using a minor awareness-cantrip of his own design. In a split-second, he had detailed knowledge of every living thing in a hollow sphere one hundred meters thick, with a thousand-meter diameter centered on himself; assured that it contained nothing requiring his attention, the sphere shifted one hundred meters inwards, and so on repeatedly until finally it reached his immediate surroundings. Only then, once he had absorbed everything within one cubic kilometer around his house, did he notice Clover standing right in front of him with a carefully pleasant expression.

He was only vaguely aware that she had said something. It was, he immediately decided, nothing important. "Oh yes, the filly with the parsley in her mane. Come in."