//------------------------------// // Chapter 7: My name is Skates Turbine! // Story: Zeno's Paradox: A Fluttershy Effect // by Flint Sparks //------------------------------// Warning: the following chapter is merely filler and hardly important. If you're waiting for the Mane 6 to show up, press ctrl+f and search "Rainbow" to skip to the important part. Seriously, this was painful to write. I can't believe I published it. I mean, I wrote it in the middle of the night under the influence of caffeinated tea. Just skip it, please. “Indeed Zeno, indeed.” Lu places a grey hoof on my shoulder as I deadpan in shock. The Kaiji leans back and roars as auric energy glows around his body, the light reflecting off his crystal scales. He finishes his roar, stomps one of his clawed feet, and raises his fists above his head to strike. “Wait! Just one second!” A voice cries out, causing Cuddles to falter in his attack. Surprisingly enough, Skates had taken the initiative. He pushes past Dust with a wing and walks in front of me, taking charge of our party. “You haven’t given us time to prepare!” His accusation brings a frown to Cuddle’s face. He seems apologetic. “Well, alright. What exactly do you need to prepare for?” he asks, lowering his fists. Skates a deep breath before continuing. “Look, I’ve played enough video games to know what’s going to happen. You’re obviously incredibly powerful, with a complete moveset, guidelines, and attack pattern. Compared to us, you have ridiculous stats and equipment! Compare to you, we’re pipsqueaks! Unlike video games, we can’t just reload-” “Um…” Lu tries to interject. Skates waves him off with a brash flick of his brown tail. “-our save. So can you give us a few minutes to at least come up with a plan so we have a chance? I mean, come on. You’ve had who knows how long and you’re just going to throw yourself at four college students who just wet themselves? You’re supposed to be Harmony! That’s a tad impulsive for someone who’s had this long to prepare! I mean, come on! This is your first battle in a long time, so even if you win you might as well make it a good one!” I hear the dull clinks of jaws hitting crystal floor as I follow suit. Cuddles scratches his chin, actually considering Skates’ proposal. He sighs and slouches his shoulders. “You make a good point, young one. Very well, you may prepare whatever plans and equipment you might have. In fact, your talk of games interest me. Enough to entice me to offer you a little wager.” Skates flinches back and flaps his wings, confused. “Eh? I mean, what else can we offer you? I mean, this is kind of a fight to the death, right?” Cuddles chuckles. “I never said death, silly pony. The filtering well prevents death at the hands of Order. My wa-” “Wait.” I trot up to Cuddles. “Order? I thought you were Harmony?” Cuddles looks down awkwardly with his sapphire orbs, rubbing one of his legs with a shaky claw. “I have very little Chaos in me at the moment, to avoid spilling it in a time where it is not abundant.” He looks back at Skates. “My wager is this. If I ‘defeat’ you, I extract your power and you all give me back rubs. Then I’ll deal with you. Deal?” Skates just looks back at us and shrugs. He looks back and replies. “Well, sure? What do we get if we win?” Cuddles grins. “If I am defeated, I will gladly show you the first step to getting home. It will be a long journey, but you should be more than capable.” He steps back and waved us off. “Enough talk, get planning!” Cuddles, for some reason, decides to sit in a corner. My three friends gather around me, expecting me to have a plan. I chide them for thrusting the responsibility on my horn and the stupid spell and we get to work. “Okay, since I play video games I should probably be the party leader,” Skates suggests as he pounds a hoof on his chest. None of us have much to say, so he continues. “First, we need to assess Cuddles’ power. Lu?” “Right!” Lu nods as he dips a grey hoof into his saddlebag. He shuffles through it, almost going down to his elbow. I try not to make my eye-rolling obvious when I casually peek in and notice the photos and magazines he tucked in there. Never again am I betting with the stallion. Blue was not my color, especially on the beach. Eventually he finds what he’s looking for and puts it on. “Nice glasses,” Skates snickers. Lu sticks his tongue out and blows a raspberry. He lightly pushes Skates aside as he peers at him with his new eyeglasses. They look kind of like you get in a 3D movie theatre (invented two years ago), but lacking the left blue lens. I hear a small noise, similar to a small but fast fan. Lu sighs and drops his head in shame. I shake his shoulder to get him out of his funk. “Well?” Skates asks. “What’s his danger rating?” Lu replies, but it’s laced with uncertainty. “Eleven, equal to an alicorn at full power. And that’s WITH the suppression the filtering chamber’s dampening effect is placing on him.” “And what about ours?” Skates’ look of determination never leaves his face. “Well, if you calculate the semi-dampening effect the chamber has on us, due to the fact it doesn’t affect us as much, and the lack of magical defense Cuddles has against Chaos due to lacking most of his original power, I’d say about… three. Two for Zeno.” “What?” I cry in indignation. Of the entire group, I was the weakest? Lu just frowns at me. “Well don’t blame me. You haven’t taken basic combat yet. You’re not at the same level as us.” “Pft, whatever.” “Hm…” Skates paces around us, muttering to himself. “Harmony with an imbalance of Order… crystal shell boosting defense… reflective scales boosting magical defense… most likely a balance elemental immunity… piercing and crushing one-hit kill attacks, not to mention game-breaking magic… long reach... incredibly sturdy… he has to have a weakness. Speed and agility is obvious, but how can we possibly exploit that?” Skates taps a random crystal with his twitching hoof. He turns to us, a commanding expression plastered on his face. “What do we have?” “Well, I guess I’m strong. But my strength is in weapons, and I don’t have any,” Lu answers with a shrug. Skates sighs and turns to Dust. “I have a bunch of heavy stuff in my bag?” Skates turns to me with a now-pleading look. I shrug. “No magic.” “Argh!” Skates screams in frustration. “No obvious strengths on our side. Well, I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but we’re going to have to use the Shadowbolt Dagger tactic.” The three of us exchange looks, then look back at Skates. He grimaces. “Alright, our best bet is to utilize his lack of agility by decoys while the other lands critical hits. Dust,” -he points to his waiting brother- “You’re going to fly above him, dropping random crap on him. Lu,” -he turns to the two of us- “Equip Zeno and load him up with the chilly hay fries.” Lu gasps. “The spicy hot ones?” Skates nods. “Yes, the spicy hot ones.” I can’t help but step away from Lu to ask my own question. “Uh, oh fearless leader? What are you going to do?” My question wasn’t supposed to sound condescending, but somehow that’s how it ended up sounding. Skates looks down at the ground and sighs. “Well, the only thing I can do.” Skates bites off his saddlebag and throw it on the ground. He ruffles through it and brings out two objects. One is his blue skateboard with a Wonderbolt design on it, signed by his personal hero. The other is a tiny black cloud. From the corner of my eye I see Dust sigh and look down. Skates rubs the cloud on his two front of hooves until he has gloves covering them, sparkling with electricity. He pounds them together, making sure they’re secure. “You sure about this? You’re in the most danger,” Lu inquires, worrying evident in his wrinkled brow. Skates nods, his brown mane bouncing with blue highlights. “Yeah. Somepony has to do it, and I think it’s time I actually do something right. Think you can handle Zeno?” Lu grins. “I don’t think anyone can handle this firebrand like I can.” Perv. Rather than lash out at him and put him in his place, I merely sigh and allow him to follow through with the plan. Lu rubs his hooves all over my body, straightening my limbs and locking my joints using his own Chaos until I’m a living, breathing mechanism. He reaches into Skates’ saddle bag and pulls out a brown bag. With a few quick shakes, he pulls out a line of hay fries that are bonded by their sides by chili. I gulp as he places the first in my mouth. It’s spicy, but my muscles are locked and I can’t spit it out. Everypony nods, getting into their positions. Skates calls out to Cuddles, summoning the giant from his time-out. Cuddles arrives and continues to reflect luminance, making it seem as if the moon walks to battle. He stands ten paces in front of us, ready for battle. “Are you ready, little stallion?” Skates stands on his skateboard, his arms stick out awkwardly as he stand on two. His wings flutter behind his back as his tail slowly rises horizontally. The brown mane begins to rotate as Skates nods. I feel a hoof slide under my belly as Lu grunts and Dust takes to the air. “Very well. Now begins your BATTLE OF DESTINY!” Cuddles screams as he raises a hammer fist and brings it down. Everypony was too busy to look up and notice the floating letters in the air spelling: Battle Start! I couldn’t help but facehoof as Skates’ favorite soundtrack began playing. Skates narrows his eyes in concentration, ready to react to Cuddles’ first attack. As a large shadow covers him (even with all the luminescence), Skates forces a fraction of his power to surge through him. His tail begins to rotate at high speeds and his wings buzz, causing him to shoot forward on his skateboard. The crystal clawed fist misses him by mere milliseconds. Skates leans back on his board into a manual to turn around as he prepares for his counterattack. Cuddles slowly shuffled and rotated to face him. “Huh, so he is slow in battle… I’m guessing he follows the immediate threat pattern rather than greatest… Dust should be safe.” Skates nods to himself and shoots forward on his board toward Cuddles, but his counter is interrupted. The hulking beast raises his fists while forming a Charlie Human and slams down on toward Skates. The pegasus on wheels, trained to react to the slightest change in situation, ollied up and landed on Cuddles’ arm, riding up and taking the initiative to strike. Brief as the lightning he wields, Skates zips by and punches Cuddles in the face with the force of a thunder clap……...a really really quiet one. Lu gasps from his spot in the chamber, beside a small, flat rock where he’s placed Zeno’s arms. Zeno’s front arms are on top of the rock while his hindlegs are horizontal, making him look as if he’s in the middle of the pushup. Zeno can’t see the action, mainly because he can’t move a muscle. He whispers to the best of his ability. “Whagh ghoshin’ awn?” Zeno asks, his mouth full of food and his lips unable to move. Lu whispers back cautiously, hoping to remain unnoticed. His glasses remains on his head as he observes the battle. “Skates did about three damage with that critical hit. Judging by Cuddles’ health bar, I estimate about… ten thousand hit points?” Lu adjusts a few knobs on the frames of his glasses. “Yeah, somewhere in that ballpark. Alright, get ready buddy, we’re almost up!” Skates bounces his board off Cuddles’ claw as the beast reached out to grab him. His reflexes barely saved him, otherwise he’d been crushed in the grip. He lands on the ground with barely a jolt, his lightweight frame saving him. He charges up his tail propeler and shoots forward again, barely dodging Cuddles attempt to smish him . As he passes underneath the trunks of legs and past the giant tail, Skates briefly wonders if hitting the titanic balls hanging above him would yield him a rare weapon. Cuddles roars as he felt objects bounce off his hide. He rotates his head and looks up above his shoulder to see a flying tan pegasus dropping a variety of items on him, ranging from flower vases to anvils. Of course they don’t do any damage, but Cuddles attempts to retaliate. He reaches up with a groping claw and snatches thin air as several needle-like sensations spread throughout his side. Cuddles turns around and sees the strangest sight, something he’s never quite seen. Lu, the flamboyant grayscale earth pony, was holding the scarlet Zeno so his hindlegs were tucked under his armpit as one arm was wrapped around his belly and the other cradling Zeno’s chest. Zeno’s head was tilted so his horn, poking between his unkempt kelp bangs, was pointing forward. Lu grinned when his gray eyes met with Cuddles’ orbs. Lu squeezed Zeno’s chest, causing two clicking sounds in sequence as an empty packet of ketchup flies out of Zeno’s ear. Cuddles roared, spit and bad breath let loose in a wind of disgust. A fire ignited in Lu’s eyes. Lu stepped forward and swung Zeno forward. “Say hello to my little pony!” Cuddles blinked as magic bullets bounced off his hide, wondering what in Equestria the purpose of that was. The gra-grey earth pony’s face was flawless. Lu’s grin slowly sank. The muscle-piercing rounds auto-crit on Cuddles’ hide, but it still wasn’t enough. Cuddles was still at 99% health. Fortunately no healing factor had kicked in, so they still had a chance. Maybe. Skates took another opportunity and made circles around Cuddles’ legs, punching rapidly with his lightning fists. Cuddles’ attention shifts as he began stomping, trying to crush Skates. “HOW ARE YOU SO FAST? THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE!” Cuddles screams in frustration. Skates was nowhere near the speed of the famous Rainbow Dash, but he was approaching the limits of an earth-bound pegasus. His roar compels Skates to zip a few paces in front of Cuddles’, just outside the range of attack. “Because,” Skates calls out. “My name…” Skates charges forward, his tail rotating at high speeds. “Is Skates…” His tail now resembles a funnel cloud, sparking with electricity. Cuddles roars and raises his fists. “TURBINE!” Skates returns a roar, jumping several feet above the impact of the ground slam and twisting his body so his back was turned to Cuddles. As he did so, Skates channeled all of his dwindling power into one last attack. His tail rotates near the speeds of a tornado, completely covering Cuddles’ face in the impact. Skates grunts as he continues his attack. His tornado wasn’t at the same level a normal pegasus could create, but it would have to do. Finally, his attack ends and Skates began to fall, exhausted. Dust dived down, abandoning his ignored attack position. Cuddles tries to grab the two pegasi, to no avail. Dust weaves through Cuddles’ attacks until he can leave Cuddles’ area of reach. Dust flies over and lands next to Lu, who’s been firing petty shots the entire time. His first three belts of hay fries are empty, leaving only one left. Dust sets down his unconscious brother and checks his pulse. “He alright?” Lu asks, concerned. Cuddles, now fifty paces away, shuffles and rotates toward the group. “Yeah, but he’s not going to make it if we don’t win!” Dust frantically cries, his wings flapping in anxiety. Zeno begins to struggle, making it clear he wants to be released. Lu, seeing no reason to hold Zeno in place with the approaching titan, prods a few release pressure points. “Well,” Zeno sighs as he spits out bits of chili. “I do have an idea.” “What? We’re not exactly rolling in time here.” Lu waves a hoof toward the shuffling Cuddles. Zeno sighs and rolls his eyes. Rather than answer, Zeno reaches into the nearest saddlebag and rustles through it. It takes a moment, but he pulls out a familiar object. “The reagent? Look, I’m sure you’re confident in your abilities, but that’s kind of useless,” Lu points out as he reaches out for the helmet. Zeno shakes his head, then points to Skates. “You’re joking.” “Nope!” Zeno gleefully declared as he lifted Skates’ head and slipping the helmet on. The helmet glows a bright blue before flashing, blinding everypony for a brief second. When their eyes adjusted, Skates was gone. “See? All better.” As if somepony flipped the switch, the entire atmosphere shifted. Cuddles shook his head and continued his approach, but with a speedier gate. My jaw nearly dropped again, but I hold it. Lu and Dust return my shocked gape as we feel the local reality change. We hadn’t realized it earlier, but Skates was playing an act. He had actually enchanted the entire chamber! Lu stares at Cuddles, now halfway to us, with his glasses humming. A small gasp escaped his lips. “Amazing, he auto-crit a sacrificial attack! Cuddles is at 90%! We might have a chance!” Lu celebrates. I cough silently. Lu pauses, and then falls onto the ground. “We’re doomed! We don’t have anything like that!” I sigh and pat his back. In the face of death, a pony must have dignity. If not, then he must have respect for his friends in their last moments. I look back at Cuddles and try not to cry. Death was no stranger, and now it was my time to go. As Cuddles towers over us and raises a single fist, ready to punch us to oblivious, he stopped. I blinked, trying to process what happened. Cuddles attack failed because Cuddles wasn’t there anymore. In his place was a fading trail of rainbow. Rainbow. A resounding thud across the chamber echoed, out of sight. I hear the wind whistle behind me as somepony zips through the air, slowing to a hovering flap.The tomboyish voice spoke. “Now, which one of you ruined my awesome dream?”