Why Am I Crying?

by Rated Ponystar

Sweetie Belle 2

Why Am I Crying?

By The Rated Ponystar

Formally Edited by: Clavier, Mr. Minimii and Apple Cinnamon

Edited by: Unnamed Pawn and First_Down

Thanks to Catnipfairy for her artwork!

He was coming. She knew deep in her heart that he was here. Stones were littered everywhere, each inscribed with a name from one of his victims, old and young alike. The markers represented ponies who had once lived joyful lives, but were now forever silenced. Sweetie Belle fought as hard as she could to keep the tears from streaming down her eyes, biting her lip so hard blood was drawn.

She looked up and saw the pale moon above a blood red sky, filled with dark clouds. It was like Nightmare Moon had returned, only with a more macabre style. Sweetie Belle held her knees to her chest and slowly started praying this would not be her last night. It didn’t matter to her how she got into this predicament, or how long she had been running from him, but she knew only one thing: if she stopped, it was all over.

She would join the many who slept in the dirt.

A twig snapped nearby and Sweetie gasped. Instantly, she clasped a hoof over her mouth, but it was too late. A low, inequine roar echoed across the graveyard, followed by the thunderous hooves of a giant pony. Shrieking, Sweetie Belle ran as fast as her legs could carry her through the named gravestones. There was no escape in this endless valley of dead, only her inevitable doom.

Sweetie Belle could hear him getting closer. The rattling of his chains and the sound of his scythe swinging in the air made her all but wet herself. She dared not look, not at the monster that could not be tamed or defeated, not at the endless being that was as old as life.

Sweetie Belle never saw the loose rock on the path until her hoof stumbled over it, ending her futile run with a hard fall onto her face. Moaning, she tried to get up, but froze upon seeing a shadow towering over her. She stood still for what seemed like forever until, despite all her instincts telling her not to, she slowly looked over her shoulder. And there she saw him.

Death.

Numerous faces of the shrieking damned formed his black, wrinkled cloak. Spiked chains, covered in fresh blood, levitated around him like snakes, rattling and dripping with its contents. The scythe he carried was big enough to bisect a pony as big as Princess Celestia with one swing, and its blade glinted with a razor sharpness that could cut diamond. But the worst part, the part that made her scream as loud as she could, was his face: skull-shaped, demonic and soulless. His eyes were coal black, filled with hellfire, his teeth were sharp as knives, and his horns were long like a bull’s. It was the closeting thing to the devil Sweetie Belle had ever seen.

Death leaned forward and screamed, expunging a miasmic cloud of flies, snakes and cockroaches from its mouth. In a split second, Sweetie Belle was wrapped up in chains and dragged into the air. She struggled to escape, but the harder she tried the tighter they held her. Death then pointed to a single grave stone and, upon looking at it, Sweetie Belle gasped at what she read:

Lost.. her... head? thought Sweetie Belle with terror as she looked at Death, who cackled with glee. She looked up and gasped as he raised the scythe, aiming the curved, cruel edge at her neck. “No! No! I don’t wanna die!”

It swung and she screamed…

“Nooooooooo!” screamed Sweetie Belle from her covers. She continued to scream until the door slammed open and her sister came in, mane disheveled and holding a bat with her magic.

“Sweetie Belle?! What’s wrong! What is it!” shouted Rarity, looking around for signs of an intruder. When she saw none, she dropped the bat, embraced her sobbing sister and rocked back and forth. “It’s okay, Sweetie, shhhh. It’s okay...” She kissed Sweetie on the forehead. “Everything’s okay.”

“I... I-I-I had-d a b-b-bad d-ddre-eam,” stuttered Sweetie Belle, tears streaming down her face. Her face wasn’t the only part that was wet. She felt her covers and smelled the unpleasant stench of fresh urine coming from them. This only made her cry harder. She hadn’t had an accident since she was four.

Although her mouth scrounged up a bit at the thought of sitting in pee of all things, Rarity threw such worries away for more important matters, such as the scared filly in her hooves. “It’s okay, Sweetie Belle. I’ll stay with you as long as you need me to. There is nothing to fear anymore. You’re safe.”

Sweetie Belle stopped crying, yet the terror on her face still lingered with her thoughts. Was she truly safe? Safe from death? Was this just a nightmare... or an omen?

Despite not getting much sleep last night, Sweetie Belle was the first one to arrive in the Cutie Mark Crusader Clubhouse. Waiting for her friends to arrive, Sweetie closed her eyes and tried not to think about the nightmare, but found it hard not to. She could still feel the cold steel chains wrapped around her body as well as the fear that lingered deep inside her mind.

She had seen many scary things before: Nightmare Moon, Discord, cockatrices, Cerberus, dragons, ursa minors, and more. But never before had something affected her so much that she wet herself while crying. A dark blush decorated her cheeks, grateful that Rarity said nothing this morning when she was doing laundry. She was supposed to be a big pony, not some foal in diapers. I just hope it doesn’t happen again.

Time stretched, the seconds dragging in lonely ticks. At the sound of approaching hooves, Sweetie Belle looked up. Scootaloo paused in the doorway when she noticed she wasn’t the only one in the room. The two friends stared at each other in silence, neither making a move. Sweetie Belle then turned her head away, hoping Scootaloo wouldn’t ask anything and just sit down. To her relief, and somewhat surprise, the pegasus did so, taking a seat near the corner. Although she felt a pang of regret for giving one of the best friends the silent treatment, she hadn’t forgotten their argument yesterday and neither it seemed had Scootaloo. I just hope Apple Bloom hurries up so we can start the meeting.

The two were forced to sit in awkward silence until the sound of hooves on wooden planks heralded the arrival of their third crusader. Seconds later, Apple Bloom appeared, putting aside a basket with a red blanket inside before taking in a deep breath. “Sorry Ah’m late, girls. Me and mah family went to go see Mr. Rich and give him our condolences.”

“How is he? I can’t imagine what he’s going through,” asked Sweetie Belle, biting her lip. She remembered a time when she got lost in the park when she was very young and her mother had been absolutely frantic searching for her. When they found each other, her mother was weeping and refused to let go, even after they arrived back home. If that was how a parent was when their child was lost, then chances were that losing them forever had to be ten times worse.

Apple Bloom rubbed her eyes, trying to hide the tears that Sweetie easily spotted. “H-he’s so sad. Ah’ve never seen anypony cry like that, not even when Applejack broke her leg last summer.” She sighed. “He really loved his daughter and misses her so much.”

“It must be hard for him, losing the rest of his family so quickly,” muttered Sweetie Belle.

Scootaloo stared at her in confusion. “What do you mean... wait... are you telling me Diamond Tiara’s mom is dead too?”

Both Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom nodded, making Scootaloo’s mouth drop in shock. Apple Bloom looked at Sweetie Belle and asked, “How did ya find out?”

“One of their butlers came and asked Rarity to design Diamond Tiara’s funeral dress. She’s working on it right now,” answered Sweetie Belle, who shivered at the thought. The idea that she was designing clothes for a corpse made Sweetie Belle all but want to leave Carousel Boutique as soon as possible.

Apple Bloom nodded before clopping her hoof on the ground for emphasis. “Girls, I think we should decide on what we’re gonna do about Diamond Tiara’s... funeral,” said Apple Bloom, wincing at the sound of the word.

“Wait, I thought we were gonna be talking about how we’re gonna get our cutie marks like we planned?” asked Scootaloo, raising an eyebrow.

Sweetie Belle glared at Scootaloo. A pony dies and all she can think about are cutie marks?!

Apple Bloom seemed to be in a similar mindset as she shook her head. “Honestly, Scootaloo, Ah don’t think Ah can talk about cutie marks at this time. Besides, we should take what Miss Cheerliee said into consideration and think about goin’ or not.”  Scootaloo looked to say something, but closed her mouth and turned away, mumbling to herself. Apple Bloom sighed and said, “Ah’m most likely goin’ ‘cause mah family is. What about y’all?”

“I’m going,” said Sweetie Belle immediately. “Even if she was a jerk,” she made sure to emphasize that for a certain pegasus, “it’s the right thing to do.”

The two then turned to Scootaloo, who looked at both of them and shook her head. “I’m not going.”

“Still?!” shrieked Sweetie Belle, making Apple Bloom jump. “Don’t you have any sympathy at all for her?”

Growling, Scootaloo got up and made her way towards the exit. “Look, you girls wanna go, fine by me! But I’m not going to just drop everything and forget that Diamond Tiara made our lives miserable for her own amusement! I’m not going to forget how much embarrassment we had to endure under her bullying, nor am I going to forget all the times we got in trouble because of her! Remember the Gabby Gums Incident?”

The girls winced. It was the lowest point in their crusade to find cutie marks, even worse than almost forcing Miss Cheerilee and Big Macintosh to fall in love with each other. They had wanted to stop their article when it became clear all they were doing was hurting the town’s residents, but Diamond Tiara forced them to continue through blackmail. It was only after they publicly apologized and explained everything did things go back to normal. The town forgave them, even admitting they had a hoof to blame since they were all fine with the gossip until it hurt each of them individually.

Diamond Tiara, however, was not easily forgiven, and had to endure the same disapproval the three of them had for weeks. Only Silver Spoon seemed to still be there for her. Over time, that even faded, but the three fillies would never forget that dark moment.

“I’m not about to cry over a filly that made me a pariah, especially to Rainbow Dash!” argued Scootaloo. “I’m not going and that’s final!”

“But Scootaloo, she was—” said Apple Bloom.

“Forget it, Apple Bloom,” interrupted Sweetie Belle, coldly. “She doesn’t care that somepony is dead. I bet she’s even happy that Diamond Tiara died.”

“For the last time, I am not!” roared Scootaloo, nostrils flaring. “I just don’t care! She was nothing but trouble, and I bet trouble was all she would have been in the end! All bullies are like that!”

“Not all!” shouted Apple Bloom, stepping forward. “Mah big brother got picked on by Mr. Rich all the time, but they became friends! Maybe Diamond Tiara could have changed as well! All ponies have some good in them! Maybe we never saw it, but it had to have existed, right?”

Scootaloo looked like she had been whipped when she heard what Apple Bloom said, but stayed silent. Shaking her head, she scoffed and turned away. “Fine. Think whatever you want, but I’m not going to her funeral and that’s that!”

Before any of them could say anything, Scootaloo left the clubhouse, grabbed her scooter and was soon gone. Sweetie Belle sighed, still feeling bitter, and shook her head. “I can’t believe she’s so heartless.”

“Well, to be fair,” said Apple Bloom, scratching her neck, “Ah get her point. Ah mean, none of us liked Diamond Tiara, but now that she’s gone...” She shook her head and sighed. “It’s just so confusin’.”

“Yeah,” muttered Sweetie Belle, closing her eyes. She then turned to her remaining friend and asked, “Is there anything else you wanna do, or do you mind if I head home?”

“No, Ah got...” Apple Bloom eyed the basket she brought, “...some readin’ to do. Ah’ll see ya at the funeral, right?”

Sweetie Belle nodded and soon left the clubhouse.

If Sweetie Belle knew her sister, and she did, Rarity was still working on the funeral dress. Having no desire to be there for it, she opted to walk around town instead. Sighing, she wished her parents were back from their business trip in Saddle Arabia, but even if she had managed to message them from the other side of the world, they wouldn’t arrive in time for the funeral. Normally, her parents didn’t travel during the holidays, always staying home so they could be together, but this was one of those rare times that looked like it would be just her and Rarity.

Her thoughts turned back to the clubhouse and she began to wonder what Scootaloo’s problem was. She could understand how much Scootaloo didn’t like Tiara, who always made fun of her inability to fly at her age. But that doesn’t mean she can disregard the feelings of others as well! Tiara’s family, some of our classmates, Silver Spoon, all of them are hurting because of her death, especially Mr. Rich. I mean, to lose all your family...

Sweetie Belle didn’t want to think of a world where her parents and sister were dead. Even if she had all the friends she ever could have, it would still feel like she was all alone. And Mr. Rich was experiencing that same feeling now.

Before Sweetie Belle could continue her morbid train of thought, she smacked face first into a sign. She shook her head to clear the cobwebs and ensuing eye-rolling and looked up, ears dropping the moment she saw where she was: Mr. Waddle’s Funeral Home.

Sweetie Belle didn’t know whether to think this was a coincidence or an ill portent as memories of her nightmare started to flash in her head. Just as she was about to run as fast as her little legs could carry her, she saw two ponies walk out of the nearby funeral home. She quickly hid behind the sign to keep from being seen. One of them she recognized as Mr. Waddle, and the other was that butler who appeared in front of Rarity’s shop yesterday during their talk, Sebastian. Tiptoeing towards a pair of bushes, she silently peaked out and listened in on their conversation.

“That should take care of the preparations. Rest assured, I will give Miss Tiara the best farewell I can give anypony,” said Mr. Waddle, shaking hooves with the butler. “It’s a shame this happened to one so young. And only a few years after I had to misfortune of arranging her mother and brother’s funeral.”

“I’m sorry Master Rich wasn’t able to come make the preparations himself,” said Sebastian, sorrowfully. “He... hasn’t been the same since...”

“Naturally,” said Mr. Waddle, nodding. “He’s not the first grieving father I’ve had to deal with, nor shall he be the last as long as this body still holds life. I’ll make sure everything is ready three days from now.”

Sebastian bowed and walked away while Mr. Waddle went back inside his business. Sweetie Belle walked out of her hiding place and stared at the doors of the funeral home. She had never bothered to think twice about this place whenever she passed by, but soon she would be going inside a place of death and mourning. Still, the conversation she had overheard made her curious, and she decided to knock on the front door.

Soon enough, the door opened and Mr. Waddle’s head poked out, surprise registering on his face. “Sweetie Belle? What are you doing here?”

Sweetie Belle felt a band of sweat drip down the back of her neck. “Y-you... know my name?”

He smiled and nodded. “Of course! I saw you and your friends’ efforts in the talent show about two years ago I think. Never saw a funnier act in all my life! Not to mention you sort of sung on my back one time when I was giving an outdoor service.”

“Oh! I-I’m sorry,” muttered Sweetie Belle, blushing.

Mr. Waddle laughed. “Don’t be. You have quite the voice, young lady.”

“Oh, thanks,” muttered Sweetie Belle. “Um, Mr. Waddle? May I come in? I have a few questions, and I’m hoping you can answer them for me.”

Mr. Waddle obviously wasn’t expecting a filly out of the blue to ask such a thing, but nevertheless he opened his door wide enough for her to enter. “Come in, child.”

What lay inside wasn’t what Sweetie Belle was expecting. Having never been in a funeral home before, she thought she would be seeing mostly black and depressing icons, but the entire place had bright red and blue colors with various vases of flowers everywhere. It looked more like an old, rich pony’s home with pictures of angels and statues everywhere. It was quite cool inside, and the halls were decorated and filled with life. Most of the double doors in the halls were closed, leading to other rooms that she suspected was where the actual funerals took place. However, one was open.

Mr. Waddle led Sweetie Belle down the hall and when they reached the opened doorway, she saw a bunch of ponies picking up cushions, curtains, candles, and flowers and putting them in boxes. There was no coffin, much to her relief, but she saw a picture of an old looking pony in a wreath with a small banner wrapped around it saying “Rest in Peace”.

The funeral director, seeing this, pointed out, “Oh, they’re putting Miss Sweet Ring’s stuff away. Died in her sleep, peacefully.”

Sweetie Belle gulped. “W-where is her casket?”

“I assume it’s being buried right now by our undertakers,” said Mr. Waddle, like it was an everyday occurrence. Sweetie Belle couldn’t even fathom how it was possible for a pony to be surrounded by death all the time and stay sane.

They finally reached Mr. Waddle’s office where the elder pony grabbed a cushion and urged Sweetie Belle to sit. He went over to his desk and sat behind it. “Now, what is it that I can help you with?”

Sweetie Belle wasn’t surprised to see this room neat and tidy like the others, only it had rows of books and vases full of flowers. Remembering why she was here, Sweetie Belle took a deep breath. “Mr. Waddle, I’m going to the funeral for Diamond Tiara, but... but I don’t know what happens or what I should do.”

Understanding dawned on Mr. Waddle face, and he gave a sad smile. “I understand. This is your first one I take it?” Sweetie Belle nodded. “Don’t worry, many children your age are confused when dealing with this sort of thing.”

He sighed. “While there are many different funeral customs, Miss Tiara’s will be based around traditional earth pony rites. First, everypony gathers and engages in small talk, usually to offer their condolences to the family and friends of the deceased. It’s also around this time that ponies go up to the casket and say their final farewells. Then everypony sits down as the family and closest friends give a eulogy before everypony goes up and places a flower in the casket before it’s closed and taken to be buried. Only the family of the deceased is allowed to be present at the burial as well as a few close friends. Everypony else must wait for them to return. It’s based on an old earth pony faith, before the founding of Equestria, that believed all life came from the earth and all life must return to the earth in the end to be renewed.”

Sweetie Belle found it hard to believe that anypony would want to be buried in the ground, filled with dirt, bugs, and who knows what else. Sweetie Belle shivered. “W-will I see the b-b-b-body?”

Mr. Waddle sadly nodded. “Yes, normally during children funerals I keep it closed casket, but Mr. Rich insisted on an open one for his daughter. He wanted her to look beautiful one last time. I believe she had dreams of being a model like her mother.”

That made Sweetie Belle turn green. Seeing a dead body, especially somepony she once knew, sounded just so wrong in her mind. She wanted to keep telling herself that it would just look like sleeping, but there would be no rising chest. No heartbeat. Her brain wasn’t even thinking. She was just an empty shell.

“Are you alright? This isn’t troubling you, is it?” asked Mr. Waddle, snapping Sweetie Belle out of her thoughts.

“I-I’m fine,” lied Sweetie Belle. “How do you do it? How do you... let yourself be surrounded by all this?”

Mr. Waddle leaned back. “I suppose it is hard to imagine at times. Yes, this job does seem odd, but to me I feel like I’m doing something important for everypony involved. For the dearly departed, I’m giving them a chance to be remembered, for ponies to see them as they once were regardless of whether the final resting place is in the ground or as ashes. For family and friends, I want to help lessen the grief by providing a peaceful service so they can feel better and begin to heal. I have given funerals to many ponies, young and old, innocent and criminal alike. We all deserve this respect. Funerals are ways to honor our dead, not just to mourn them. That way, they live on in our hearts.”

“But I don’t understand, why bother celebrating that somepony died? Why do ponies have to die in the first place?!” asked Sweetie Belle, rubbing her teary eyes. “Why did Tiara have to die?”

Mr. Waddle shook his head. “There are many answers, Sweetie Belle. I think each pony has their own theory and they stick with it. Those who believe in a faith, such as myself, think that life and death are part of a greater test that allow us to achieve salvation in an afterlife. Others think it is simply the law of nature and all life exists to end at some point so that life can continue in other forms. It is a confusing topic, and many ponies have asked themselves: why do we all die? In the end, only those who have passed on before us know.”

Sweetie Bell gulped and fidgeted in her seat. “When... when you say ‘we’... does that mean the same thing will happen to me? I-I’m going to one day die?”

Mr. Waddle hesitated to answer, but in the end he nodded. “Everypony dies at some point, Sweetie Belle. It’s the sad, honest truth.”

Sweetie Belle nearly fell backwards as her mind turned to the funeral settings she saw before. Only now, instead of Miss Sweet Ring’s face, she saw a picture of herself surrounded by flowers and farewell banners.  I’m... I’m going to die one day. I’m going to be just like Tiara, dead... dead... dead…

“...I see. I’m gonna go home now,” said Sweetie Belle, slowly rising from her seat. Mr. Waddle tried to say something, but she had already left and was soon outside.

Into a world where death was everywhere.